I am honoured to introduced you to seven of my gorgeous blog readers who are head ♥ heart ♥ health insiders. Please meet ~

Teala ~ Earth to Teala

I’m Teala, a 26-year-old graduate student. I adore all things related to writing, books, and music. A while back I had a wakeup call. I thought I had my life figured out. I was content and comfortable with who I was and how I was. I had explored every single square inch of my cube (my comfort zone). So I’m working on busting out of my comfy cube.

I want and need to push myself, to acknowledge the fear and embrace the excitement. I’m on a mission to loosen up, try new things, and have some new adventures.

My two favorite posts: Oh the Places I Want to Go | Unformed Words and Sentences Floating Around as a Sea of Letter and Punctuation.

I can be found on Twitter: @TiLaMiLa

Petrea ~ Art Therapist

Petrea Hansen Adamidis R.C.A.T. is a Registered Art Therapist a mom, artist and an avid nature nut with over 18 years of experience working with children, families and adults. She is passionate about connecting families through the expressive arts, and connecting adults to their inner wisdom and muse. Join her at ArtTherapist.ca where she offers a free e-course “Free Your Inner Child” plus other creative resources to draw the self out.

Petrea is an engager in silliness extraordinaire and a therapeutic story weaver, who’ll take you on awesomely exciting yet relaxing adventures with her guided imagery meditations.

Her two favourite posts: I Am Here |  The Space Between the Jump

You can find her on Twitter and on Facebook.

Jen ~ Becoming a Danger Dame: A Muffin’s Guide to World Domination

I’m Jen, aspiring Danger Dame. I’m trying to break out of the mold of “normal” to live the best life I can. Not happy with my 9-5 “American Dream,” I’ll talk about what I’m doing to make my dreams reality, living adventurously, helping others, my struggle with Depression, loving yourself…pretty much anything is fair game!

I want to share what I learn along the way, and hear stories from you too, so please leave comments and let’s help each other!

My two favourite posts: Red Pill vs Blue Pill | But What if They Laugh at Me

You can find me on Twitter.

Kate ~ Katesome

My mission with this website is to create a soft place to fall for all women struggling and searching for self acceptance and body image issues. I am doing that for myself and rediscovering myself with each post.

I am spending the next year doing a daily journal on body image and self-esteem. I encourage others to reflect on their lives and feelings along with me.

I am raising two girls, trying to give them a role model that counters the diet, body, beauty, conformity obsessed anti-girl world we live in.

My favourite posts: Day Four Body Image | Day Three Self

You can find me on Twitter and on Pinterest.

My favourite images on Pinterest:
http://pinterest.com/pin/145030050469708975/
http://pinterest.com/pin/145030050469736929/

Sara ~ Soul Spackle: Meditations from the Church of the Holy Wow

I’m a thirty-something truth warrior, word slinger and barefoot-dancing mystic. My blog Soul Spackle: Meditations from the Church of the Holy Wow is where I write about my journey toward celebrating the sacred in the every day, embracing life’s messy-ness, recognizing that soulfulness can’t be penciled in on a calendar and doesn’t show up in tidy little rows of new-growth, neatly labeled.

Soul is hiding amongst the spilt milk and love lost, between glorious sunrises and sunsets.

My favourite posts: Harvesting Surrender | A Heart That Hurts Is A Heart That Works

Twitter: @Soulspackle | Facebook: Soul Spackle | Pinterest: Soulspackle.

Sue ~ Smile Chickie

I started ‘smile chickie’ 12 months ago. It is an online community for real chicks. We are bullshit free and have no time to bitch or whinge. We are uniting and taking a stand. To ditch the toxic and together find ways to live, learn and smile more.

The chick chat blog is a place for me to get stuff off my chest, reassess what’s important, share my little bursts of inspiration, wonder out loud and over analyse the crap out of things.

My favourite posts: I Wrote a Book | Chickie Pity Party Alert

You can find me on Twitter and Facebook.

Tanja ~ The Crystal Clarity Copywriting Journey

Tanja Gardner is a copywriter, word weaver and story sculptor at Crystal Clarity Copywriting Ltd.   She helps difference-makers like you write with concise, creative clarity that your readers intuitively “get”.  That means they understand EXACTLY what you offer – which opens the way for you to make a difference in their lives.

Her favourite posts: How to make your webpage easy to read onscreen | Step 1 – Create a “writing mindstate” with simple ritual.

You can find her on Twitter, Facebook and Google+.

→ If you would like to be featured here in the future, be sure to sign up for the Insiders’ List.

The beautiful Halley over at Life of Something New has awarded me a blogging award. Apparently I’m a Versatile Blogger. 

But being the recipient of an award doesn’t come without awarderly duties. I have to follow the rules in order to be eligible for my tiara.

Here are the said rules :

1. In a post on your, blog, nominate 15 fellow bloggers for The Versatile Blogger Award. Hello — fif-fucking-teen fellow bloggers … not going to happen!

2. In the same post, add the Versatile Blogger Award. Check.

3. In the same post, thank the blogger who nominated you in a post with a link back to their blog. Check.

4. In the same post, share seven completely random pieces of information about yourself. If I must (see below).

5. In the same post, include this set of rules. Is this like circular logic – the rule is to include the rule to include the rule … aah my brain just exploded!

6. Inform each nominated blogger of their nomination by posting a comment on each of their blogs. Maybe I will, maybe I won’t …

So if I don’t follow the rules do I disqualify myself?

Who cares — I’m a rebel and a rule breaker — send the bloggy award police to get me — I’m ready for you.

Seven random things about me

1. I sleep on the left side of the bed

2. I’ve been fired only once in my lifetime not because I didn’t do my job but because I was having pre-marital sex

3. I speed read

4. Learning how to touch type at Catholic Ladies College was one of the best things I ever learnt

5. I never want to die

6. I have my belly buttoned pierced and my ears pierced twice

7. My orgasms come in three different varieties

And the award goes to …

Some of the 42 zillion bloggers that I read and adore are in my Blogroll. I award all of them this honour. Knock yourselves out!

→ Now it’s your turn — tell me one random thing about you.

Sometimes people are just fucking annoying. Sorry, but in some cases it’s impossible to be warm and engaging with someone who’s being an idiot. Most of the time getting annoyed with someone says more about us than it does about them but that’s a discussion best saved for another time.

What matters is finding a way to react that shows love.

A few years ago, in the middle of a tense time at work when there were a lot redundancies and emotions were running high I posted a message on the company notice board welcoming the new staff who had joined us. A person in another department decided to criticise me for being insensitive to those people who had lost their jobs. Perhaps a fair call (dickheads sometimes teach us things) but his tone and language were personal and vicious.

I could have replied to his public attack on me defending my intention to be welcoming to the new people and point out the inappropriateness of a personal attack in a public forum.

But I didn’t. Why?

Because people who are aggressive and confrontational enjoy it when their behaviour triggers a conflict. Not entering into the conversation drives them crazy. Not only is the perpetrator frustrated but you come off looking gracious and restrained.

The people that knew me understood I wasn’t trying to gloat about the loss of jobs. And they knew this particular person enjoyed stirring up trouble. I didn’t need to point out either thing.

People who love and believe in you do not need to be convinced, and people who do not love or believe in you are not worth trying to convince. — Alan Cohen

It’s hard to do at first. Your immediate reaction to an attack is to go on the defence. The simplest way to do this technique is to leave reacting to the situation until the next day. When the heat has gone out of the argument, you will find it easier not to do anything.

What about that stranger who left an insulting comment on your blog?¹ What about that reply-to-all email you weren’t meant to see? What about your ex-husband’s inappropriate Facebook update?

Repeat after me ‘dickheads are self-evident.’

Ξ

At times I feel bad when I read about other women whose struggles seem much tougher than mine. There are women who have lost their child and their husband within months of each other. There are mothers whose husbands have murdered their children. There are women who’ve been raped and women paralysed from the neck down after a freak car accident. My self-indulgent nonsense about my body image and my issues with going to a gym seem so pathetic at times.

Not only do I feel like my struggles are small by comparison but I feel guilty for the happiness in my life. I’ve never been homeless, I’ve never been beaten and I’ve never believed life wasn’t worth waking up for.

In our lives we experience both suffering and joy and all of the grayscale between. Although most of us agree that no-one deserves the bad things that happen to others and to us, we also find ourselves wanting to believe that we need to deserve happiness.

In reality, we don’t deserve any of it. If it’s true that we don’t deserve the pain, then we don’t deserve the good things either. There is no giant balance sheet measuring out how much of each we get to experience. Shit happens — good fortune happens — it’s all a part of the circumstances that make up a well-lived existence.

The things we have no control over – both the good and the bad – give us the opportunity to reveal our true character. We can resist both suffering and joy and feel like nothing is the way it should be. Or we can be grateful for all of it.

I’m grateful I have a man who loves me. I’m grateful suicide destroyed everything I thought I believed.

I don’t deserve any of it. And neither do you.

My pain cannot be measured against yours and neither can my happiness. I’ve been lucky and unlucky.

Because I’ve lived.

Today is a good day, because I’ve smiled, walked, breathed and remembered. I don’t deserve any of it but that won’t stop me being fucking grateful for every single moment I have — good and bad.

I’ll take it all, feel it all and share it all. I’ll reach out my hand to help you when you need it and I’ll let you guide me when I’m lost in the dark.

We’re all in this together and we’re never alone. And I’m thankful for that too.

{photo source}

When Duckfish said he wanted to go to the gym this year I asked him what he wanted to get out of training. He had difficulty replying — he said he just wanted to feel better.

I pushed him for an answer — more strength, more endurance or look leaner?

“Well, all of those things,” he said, “but the main reason I want to train is because I like it.”

This weekend we joined a gym together. Not the Fitness First gym I used to go to but a brand new gym even closer to home.

As we sat in the bath soothing our worked muscles after our first session, the old familiar thoughts came into my head. “If I work out six times a week and watch what I eat I could lose 10 kilos in the next six months.”

But then I remembered Duckfish’s approach. What if I went to the gym just because I liked going to the gym? Were there good things about training I had overlooked in the past? Could I enjoy it for its own sake rather than a means to an end?

I realised I could. Like kayaking or swimming at the beach it’s possible to see going to the gym as another kind of physical adventure. There are heavy things to be lifted, muscles to be worked and stretched and sweating to shed the toxins in my body and mind. A holiday from living in my head and an opportunity to inhabit my body without distraction.

I like this approach. I can go to the gym just because I like doing it in the moment. Present, conscious and mindful living …

It’s taken me a long time to get to this place but at last I get it.

There’s no need to be motivated or disciplined when working out is something you do just because you like doing it.

Exercise for the fun of it?

Fuck yes!

{photo source}

Duckfish works really hard. Like really really hard. He spends time away in different cities at least every second week and when he’s at home he usually doesn’t get home until 8pm or later.  He’s super busy and super important.

Actually, I don’t care about understand what he does. It’s something to do with saving hostages at the French Embassy. I think he’s a MI5 agent which means he can’t talk about it (he actually works in IT but a spy sounds so much sexier).

In the last three weeks I’ve barely seen him and when he’s home he’s got his head shoved in his laptop. And we all know how men can only do one thing at a time don’t we?

So on Wednesday night we talked about it. I told him I was feeling neglected. He came to the conclusion that his job was incompatible with a relationship (and the reason his marriage failed).

A stalemate? A death knell for our relationship? Should I get out now to prevent future heartache?

Not at all.

There are two things going on here

First, men believe that when women have a problem, it’s their job to solve it. They delight in fixing up our issues and finding solutions to our challenges. They love it. And when they can’t find a solution they don’t know what to do.

I reminded Duckfish that’s not how it works for women. Most of the time we just want to be heard and understood. All I wanted was for him to be aware of how I was feeling so he could appreciate that I get a bit grumpy when I’m left on my own for too long. I told him I didn’t need him to change jobs or really do anything except understand that sometimes I found it difficult.

Second, I needed to speak out loud the crazy thoughts in my head. Most of my statements started with “I know this is irrational but …”  I exposed my innermost thoughts to him, my secrets and my fears. Saying them out loud made them lose their grip and their sting.

And here’s what happened

Yesterday was Australia Day and a Public Holiday. Duckfish and I spent the day together sleeping in, having breakfast, making love, watching the pathetic events on the harbour, napping, eating dinner on the terrace and watching movies. It was glorious.

On one level Duckfish was responding to my request for attention by spending the day with me, but on a deeper level he wanted to be with me because I had trusted him with my doubts and fears. The very act of exposing my vulnerability made me attractive and lovable. Confessing what might be seen as weakness reminded him why he loves me so much. Inhabiting my emotional feminine essence sparked his male desire for me.

In my old life, with my old partner, I could never be so open or vulnerable. The word “needy” still makes me feel nauseous.

I have needs but I’m not needy. Sometimes those needs don’t get met and I have a right to ask for them. I also know that it won’t always be perfect and we’ll need to compromise.

Speaking my truth set in motion a chain of events I didn’t expect. Expressing my resentment and disappointment meant I could let it go.

What could saying what you need make happen for you?

{photo source}

I am completely in love with my boyfriend.

My heart flutters when I think of him, my breath comes faster when he touches me and when he holds me all the tension in my body drains away. He’s all the things I longed for in a man.

Our love is pure, overwhelming and endless.

Except when it isn’t.

I don’t feel the rush of love and passion all the time. Sometimes the world (including him) pisses me off. I just want to be left alone. Sometimes I can’t tap into the good feeling of love.

But I still love him. I might not feel it, but I know it’s there. Constant, steadfast and waiting to flood me with pleasure and joy sometime in the future. I have faith in our love.

The self-love movement tells us when we love ourselves we feel good about ourselves. We like what we see in the mirror, we stop beating ourselves up and we take great care of ourselves all the time.

I’m here to tell you that’s a lie.

You won’t feel good about yourself all the time. Some days you will feel fat. Some days you will say and do things you aren’t proud of. Some days you will wallow on the couch eating chocolate biscuits and watching The Bachelor. Some days you will feel like a bitch that no-one would possibly want to be around.

Does that mean you don’t love yourself any more? Is self-love dependent on how you feel?

Loving yourself means believing in yourself. It’s knowing in your heart you are doing the best you can. It’s accepting that you have good days and bad days. It’s a matter of faith.

Respect…Acceptance…Integrity…

Assertiveness…Purpose…Consciousness…

Much better words for self-love.

You can demonstrate all those values even if you’re not feeling good about yourself. You can watch TV in your pyjamas with integrity. You can feel fat with acceptance. You can be conscious that you are irritating yourself.

Loving yourself doesn’t always mean that you’ll feel good about yourself. Some days the love will feel like it’s dwindled or disappeared.

But you know it hasn’t. It’s waiting to come back and flood you with joy, peace and pleasure. Have faith. True love can survive anything if you want it and you make it your highest purpose.

Love is an intention, a commitment and a leap of faith. 

Have the courage to believe in it even when you can’t feel it.

Notice when it feels like it’s gone and enjoy every moment when it returns.

Because it will. Have faith.

{photo source}

I have a secret surprise. I’m so excited and I’m not very good at keeping secrets.

It’s so delicious I’m bursting.

My most favourite famous person ever has agreed for me to interview her for my humble little blog. I’m almost peeing my pants.

And I’m petrified.

I have no idea what to ask her.

So I came up with a plan.

Everyone who’s on my Insiders’ List will get the details of who she is this weekend  and the opportunity to pose a question to her. I’ll take the most interesting questions, weave them around my own muddied thoughts and come up with a brilliant interview (well that’s the plan).

I don’t want to do this in the comments because it will spoil the surprise but I do want to know the things you’ve always wanted to ask her.

Make sure you’re on the Insiders’ List so you don’t miss out. Did I mention I’m excited!

{photo source}

I believe love changes everything.

I believe intimacy is the doorway to heaven.

I believe loving others transform our lives.

I believe looking outward is better than looking inward.

I believe giving brings the most joy.

I believe soul-mates will find each other.

I believe life is full of magic and miracles.

::

I believe the world needs more love, more joy, more peace, more compassion and more understanding.

I believe the world needs more feminine energy, more sex, more orgasms and more touch.

I believe the world needs more ideas and more excitement.

I believe the world needs more truth.

::

I know you are searching.

I know you already have everything you need and can find your own way.

I know you need to be seen, heard and known.

I know you believe in the good, have a pure heart and long for deeper connections.

I know you have been shut down, feel out-of-place and feel like you don’t belong in a masculine world.

::

I don’t believe in marriage, in guarantees or in forever.

I don’t believe we’re meant to struggle on our own.

I don’t believe emotions should always be controlled.

I don’t believe we need fixing.

I don’t believe we always need to feel good.

::

I know one word can make a difference.

I know life changes in an instant.

I know great risk brings great reward.

I know vulnerable doesn’t mean weak.

I know you are worth it.

And so am I.

::

What do you believe?

{based on an exercise by Tara Gentile}

{photo source}

“Why would anyone listen to you?” said the voice in my head.

“There are so many people talking about the same shit who know much more than you,” it continued. “Honestly, you’re nothing special. You’ll probably fuck it up just like all the other things you’ve fucked up.”

I‘m struggling at the moment. I’m struggling writing a training course intended to inspire, motivate and enlighten the beautiful women who have put their trust in me.

I’m afraid.

I’m afraid I’m not good enough.

I’m afraid I don’t have anything to say.

I’m afraid I’ll make a mistake.

That voice in my head never goes away. It taunts me and torments me. Sometimes I wonder if I’m crazy …

Surely all the work I’ve done on myself should at least quieten that voice?

It hasn’t made any difference.

What if that voice was there for a reason? What if it didn’t mean what it said and meant something else?

Dreamy Dr Dike believes that the little voice inside your head is not your enemy. In fact, it’s normal and essential to have such a voice.

It’s there to mark the boundary of your comfort zone. Once you step outside of what’s safe and familiar that voice is there for your protection. It’s telling you that you’re about to venture into a potentially dangerous place and is warning you to take care so that you come back in one piece.

The voice in your head is not trying to stop you ~ it’s just trying to remind you to take care. It’s loudest when you leave behind what you have and set out towards what you dream of.

And the language it uses is brutal and harsh because we have tried to suppress it for so long. We call our inner voice a bitch, a monster, a monkey, a demon, or a dragon. We silence it. We fight it. We shut it down.

No wonder it needs to shout at us.

That voice turns up because you’re following your dreams. It’s a sign that you’re taking a risk.

Welcome it.

Embrace it as a dear friend.

Thank you for looking out for me. I know you have my best interests at heart. I’m heading into a scary place and you’ve got a right to let me know the very worst that could happen. So I’m listening. I’m paying attention.

But you know what? I’m going there all the same … (so there’s no point in shouting). Thank you my friend. You’re doing a great job!

Somehow that feels so much better.

Now I’d better get back to it!