Sharon Brani's Blog

The Call to Adopt

Thu, 29 Oct 2009 11:59:15 -0400

The call to adopt is much more than getting a child. It not only involves that particular child, parenting them through life but also hearing the cries of the other orphans. More than eight trips to orphanages has imprinted the need of orphans on my heart. Yes, it�s left many, many heartprints.

I remember well my first trip into the orphanage at Borovichi, Russia. It was winter. The other adoptive parents and I walked the snowy steps up to the stark door of the orphanage. On the other side was my waiting child. I spent visit after visit with her and each time it was so difficult to leave her. But I knew that the day would come when I would take off all of her orphanage clothes, dress her in soft pink and white garments and bring her home. That hope energized me through the long, tedious paperwork process.

And then the time came. It was Christmas Eve. The other adoptive parents and I celebrated with a small, straggly Christmas tree thanks to our Russian friends. Many of us had left family members at home in order to complete the adoption process. I thought about them on the other side of the world. I had eaten well. Russian borscht and bread. I watched the clock longing for the time to pass quickly so that I could get my little daughter. The plan was that at midnight we would quietly leave with our precious newly adopted children. At long last the hour arrived. My heart beat with excitement as I was led to the nursery that night. They brought her to me sleepy and so beautiful.

I dressed her quickly and very quietly so as not to disturb her. Then the signal was given. The door was opened and we walked out into the Russian winter. Cold winds blew against my face as I walked sheltering my little six month old baby girl. At that moment I looked up into the night sky. Snowflakes were falling all around me. It was Christmas. And in my arms I carried the greatest gift. My child. I�ll never forget that moment.

But while my heart was so uplifted that night almost seventeen years ago, other little children slept. They still waited for someone to come and get them. They still yearned for a mother�s arms and a father�s tender care. Day after day, they wait.

The call to adopt has changed my life. I still hear those cries. I still see those cribs. With the rest of my life I long to help the ones who still wait to come home.

Pumping Up Your Parenting

Mon, 19 Oct 2009 10:33:05 -0400

Are you needing a lift today? Discouraged in parenting your adopted child? There are three things which you can do immediately which will make a huge difference.

1. Change your thinking

Focus on what is going right instead of what is going wrong.

All too often we discourage ourselves by our own negative internal dialog. Pay attention to what you are telling yourself.

Intentionally start speaking the truth.

2. Change your energy level

Start moving. Exercise. Walk. Run. Swim. Whatever you enjoy doing, begin to do it. Research shows that exercise changes the brain chemistry. It will change not only how you think but also how your body feels.

3. Change your resources

Most people are doing the best they can with what they have.

If you are needing to be pumped up get the input of an expert. Parenting can be the hardest thing you ever do. Get the help of an adoption parenting coach.

Call today for a free consult. Don�t go through one more day feeling discouraged. Call 540-825-1134. You�ll be glad you did.

It's All about Trust

Wed, 07 Oct 2009 16:41:22 -0400

I remember 17 years ago when I began exploring adoption. I had no experience, knew nothing about the adoption process and had never been a mother. What I did have was a longing to be a mom and to parent my own little child. Many reasons led me to look into international adoption and within 6 months I was traveling to Russia to meet my precious little daughter.

Questions arose again and again. How would I do this? How would I do that? I remember this very large Russian doctor looking down at me and asking, �How are you going to parent this strong child?�

I could feel my heart pounding as I responded. Stretching my full height I looked up into her steel grey eyes.

�I will do fine.� Yes, I remember that glare and the questions in her eyes. I glanced down at the tender little baby in my arms. Strong? Hmm, what did that mean, I wondered. But I knew deep within that I would be given all that I needed to parent her. I trusted in the One Who had guided me to that point.

Today my delightful daughter is a bubbly 16 year old. She continues to delight all who know her. Strong? Well, yes she is passionate. Those she loves she loves fiercely. Her loyalty is unusual. Her inner strength remarkable.

Each step of the way I have trusted that God would direct me and teach me. And He has. Those who parent do not need to know everything but knowing that One Who does makes all the difference. He continues to weave His Plan of love in the lives of our children. Yes, we can always trust Him.

Do you have doubts about your ability to parent? Give me a call today at 540-825-1134.

Benefits of a Bad Economy

Mon, 28 Sep 2009 12:08:53 -0400

What impact is the economy having on our children?

Is there any way that a bad economy can benefit children?

Yes, that is the question which troubles millions of parents as family belts are tightening forcing cutbacks that affect children. Then with the holidays right around the corner, parents anticipate sad faces and disappointed looks around the Christmas tree.

But there is a silver lining. All is not bad. These challenging times offer kids some benefits if parents handle it right.

All too often we shield our children from adversity trying to keep them happy. In doing so we often deprive them of the practice they need in navigating rough waters. When facing difficult situations our children can learn valuable lessons in how to develop resilience. So the first benefit for our kids is in learning to handle disappointment.

The second is in helping our children learn appreciation and thankfulness. Less really is more. We�ve known that for years but now we have the opportunity to experience it.

It is wise for parents to acknowledge honestly the family�s reduction in resources. The resources must be shared among everyone. In so doing children learn that the needs of family and community are important along with their personal needs.

Lastly there is the potential for increased family closeness. Instead of everyone retreating into their separate corners with cell phones and iPods, parents can lead the way with family movies, baking cookies, bike rides, talking together, etc.

Yes, a bad economy can benefit our children in more ways than those listed. It�s all in how we see it.

How Can a Coach Help?

Thu, 10 Sep 2009 12:10:54 -0400

From time to time in my work with parents who have adopted I am asked the question, �How can a coach help?�

That is a question which I like to hear? The answer is clear. Coaching has helped so many parents. It may be just what you are looking for.

An adoption coach will not only help you understand the adoption process but also help you with the transition process into parenting an adopted child.

An adoption coach can help your adopted child transition smoothly into his or her new family.

An adoption coach will enhance and strengthen the new relationship between you and your adopted child.

An adoption coach will help you deal with the challenges unique to a family with adopted children.

An adoption coach can help you address marital issues resulting from adoption.

An adoption coach will help you build a healthy, happy and nurturing family that celebrated the uniqueness of each person and the unique heritage of your adopted child.

If you think that an adoption coach is what you are looking for please call me today to set up an appointment at 540-825-1134. You�ll be so glad you did.

How to Build Attachment

Tue, 08 Sep 2009 17:17:40 -0400

Is it just one of those days? Do you ever feel like your child will never become securely attached to you? Are you at your wits end?

Years ago when I was raising my toddler whom I had adopted from Russia I experienced times of discouragement. It seemed like we would have some good days and then she would regress with all kinds of hard to manage behavior. Those waves of insecurity and frustration that she used to experience are now only a distant memory but they taught me the importance of continuing to provide the security and stability.

When fostering attachment it is important to make yourself available.

Young children can rely on us and trust us only if we are present. Make every effort to manage your schedule and life so you are physically available to your children. This many mean making some tough lifestyle choices.

Work within your own circumstances to find time to be available to your children. Also try to make sure that you are mentally engaged in being available and attentive when you are with them and not just a warm body that is present. Children are sensitive and react when they sense that their parent is not engaged. They are not able to understand the reasons. It is up to us to adjust and modify our lifestyle in order to be there for them.

So whether it�s changing a diaper or answering a question, strive to give your child a warm and understanding experience with you.

Rate yourself on a scale of 1 to 5 (1=never, to 5=often)

Never seldom somewhat usually often

Availability

I make myself physically

available to my children

as much as possible, and

focus on them

Love your child and build a healthy attachment that will serve as a foundation for future successful relationships.

Doing What You Can

Tue, 01 Sep 2009 15:01:35 -0400

t is all too easy to begin to focus on what is not going right, on what you are not doing as parents. We look at other children. We scrutinize their parents. We tend to compare and measure our effectiveness in relationship to others around us.

But the key to effectively parenting these precious children is in having a laser focus. That focus must be to parent them with love and wisdom to the Glory of God. We parent them to grow strong physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

I am not able to have my children involved in numerous activities. Many times we have to bypass good things in order to keep our focus. But does it really matter that my children are not on the soccer team, taking music lessons, cheerleading, horseback riding lessons, etc.? I really don�t think so.

Years ago we decided on a family mission statement. It has helped us to maintain a focus in the midst of so many options. It has enabled us to know when to say no. It has showed us what activities fit our purpose.

Remember its focused parenting which will yield the most results. Look into developing a mission statement for your family. Decide what your purpose is and then begin to make decisions based on that. It will make a big difference. Let me know how it goes.

Parenting: The Same or Different

Mon, 24 Aug 2009 11:38:00 -0400

Is parenting our adopted children the same or different than if these were our biological children?

This question has come up from time to time as I have coached or counseled parents raising children they have adopted. My answer is both.

Children are children. They grow and develop passing through specific developmental stages. They are all precious gifts of potentiality. Parenting is never easy but it is always rewarding. Sometimes you must get way beyond the struggle in order to even begin to glimpse the reward. But children are children. Most parents dearly love their children.

But parenting adopted children is also different than parenting biological children. Our children came to us as a result of loss. Even though the loss happened when they were very young it still happened. Our knowledge of their family history is scant or even missing. Decisions come up in which we just do not know the answers. For example, the other week I was at the eye doctor�s office with my oldest getting her contact lenses checked. We were given a sheet to update the medical background. My oldest watched as I went down the list marking �unknown�. I have no idea about whom if anyone might have had diabetes, cancer, heart problems, etc. That information is something my daughter will grow up never knowing.

Does this impact her? Certainly it does. For now, she accepts it all in stride. But I do not fool myself. It is just something we just can not change.Throughout their lives our adopted children will deal with various aspects of their being adopted. We parent them to accept and deal with their losses. We parent them to know their story and appreciate the wonder of it.

Let�s not minimize their struggles though. Allowing ourselves to get behind their eyes and see life from their vantage point enables us to parent with strength and confidence.

Whether you are parenting adopted or biological children they are yours to parent with wisdom and understanding. Listen to their hearts. As you do, you too will experience the wonder.

Defeating Those Doubts

Sun, 16 Aug 2009 19:49:23 -0400

Do you ever question if you made the right decision? As you parent your precious adopted child have you ever had any doubts?

Doubts may come. Questions may arise? The key is in how to handle them. Negative thoughts must be handled carefully and consistently by telling yourself the truth.

When I adopted the first time my daughter was easy and a joy to parent. God must have known that I needed that experience to prepare me for the future.Years of working with children of different ages gave me a strong foundation of skills so that my expectations as a parent were realistic.

But seven years later I adopted again. This time my two year old daughter challenged me from the beginning on everything. She was not only your typical toddler but was also a wounded child with a very painful background. She did not trust me. And everything became an issue.

This became stressful not only for me but also for my oldest daughter. Doubts? Sure I had doubts. In the middle of the night after struggling all day to maintain some sense of normalcy the doubts would come. Time after time I turned them into prayers seeking God�s wisdom and help. Night after night I fell asleep with the reassurance that the One Who had called me to adopt would never fail to provide all that I would need as a parent.

Today more than seven years later I look back on that time of testing with thanksgiving. God�s Truth holds us secure no matter what we are facing as parents. Following these three steps will always help to defeat nagging doubts:

� Turn your doubts into prayers

� Proclaim the truth that God will always provide.

� Surround yourself with strong support to help you through the tough times.

If you would like help parenting your adopted child, call 540-825-1134

Changed Life

Mon, 10 Aug 2009 11:13:15 -0400

Warner Bros. new horror movie Orphan states that it must be hard to love an adopted child as much as your own. Although I grieves me that this message is being proclaimed, I want to share with you how two orphans changed me life.

It was summer 1993. I was trying to put my life together after going through an excruciating divorce. All my hopes and dreams had been shattered and I was without purpose and floundering. I began exploring adoption expecting that it would not work out. When it all came together for me in six months I was speechless with joy and yes, fear. Fear, that she would not be available once I got to Russia. Fear that I would not know how to parent her. Fear, that the words of others would be true.

But, in truth, this little gal who is now sixteen, has changed my life. She bubbles with sunshine and life. From the moment I saw her I knew again in a way that I cannot begin to language that God is real and that He knows our hearts. I knew in my heart that He would enable me to not only raise her but also to love her unconditionally.

The years have come and gone much too fast. My daughter is blooming into a beautiful young woman. Life is satisfying and full of adventure. I adopted another little girl. Her journey was more difficult. It isn�t always easy. Nothing is. But it is so good that I grieve when I hear messages spoken giving the wrong impression about orphans.

Many children wait today for someone to take a risk of love. Adoption isn�t for everyone but for those who do, they discover a remarkable truth. That God is the One Who not only fills our lives with children but also enables us to parent. Resources are available to support parents who have adopted.

Yes, two beautiful orphans changed my life. And I�m forever grateful. If God has put into your heart a desire for a child, please explore adoption.
You might very well be the Hope that a little one desperately needs.