What is Graves Disease?

Graves disease is a bitch, and it’s trying to ruin my eff-ing life! This of course, is the non-technical answer to that question.

Basically, Graves disease is an auto-immune condition in which your body attacks your thyroid. Symptoms of it include nervousness, shaky hands, itchy skin, aggressive behavior (Moi, aggressive? No way!), fatigue, trouble sleeping, rapid and irregular heartbeat, hair loss, diarrhea (sexy!) and weight loss.

Some people with Graves also develop a secondary condition called Graves’ ophthalmopathy, where their eyes start to bulge out. This condition is not cute and can be emotionally devastating.

Anyone who’s has seen Young Frankenstein has a good example of what this condition can look like. Marty Feldman, who played “Igor” in the film suffered from Graves disease and Graves opthalmopathy.

Marty Feldman's bug-eyed look, courtesy of Graves Eye Disease

Most Graves sufferers will also develop a goiter.

Goiter. Hmmmm. Isn’t that a word as ugly as what it looks like? Even the sound of it is ugly. And yes, I had and still have one. Ugh.

When I was first diagnosed with Graves in 2009, my neck looked like I had swallowed two peaches, and you could easily see my swollen thyroid glands on either side of my neck. It looked like my neck was wearing headphones or something.

Today, my neck looks a lot more “normal” but is still larger than the size it was say, three or four years ago. Obviously during the time my neck was the largest, I refrained from a lot of social activity as it’s not a good look. The photo below shows what my neck looks like today.

My ever optimistic [SARCASM!] doctor doesn’t think it will ever fully resolve on its own, but I have faith that as I progress into remission it will continue to decrease in size.

How Do You Get Graves Disease?

There are many theories on what causes Graves disease, though the exact cause is not known. Many researchers agree that stress can play a part in its onset. The last decade of my life has been extremely stressful, so I believe Graves crept into my life somewhere during this time.

In 2001, I was the mother of a six year old, a one year old and a newborn.

In 2003, I had a very stressful experience involving a close relative. This experience was so emotionally traumatizing…I felt after the experience that I was changed forever somehow, in the core of my being…like I had reached a turning point in my life. I may write more about this at a later date…

In 2007 Best Buy accidentally lost 80% of my data (writing, book research, photos, videos, etc) when my computer crashed because of a non-hard drive related issue and I took it to their Geek Squad for repair….something I have to take at least partial responsibility for as I should have been making back ups of all of my files.

The same year I got into fisticuffs with a neighbor because her bad ass grand kids stole some of my children’s toys off of my back porch. I know, real mature, but I did not instigate the altercation, m’kay?

The police got involved, and since she broke one of my fingers in the scuffle (ratchet ass old ho!) she had to go to jail and then to court. My children and I also had to go to court and having to put them through that was extremely stressful for me.

Anyway…

And then…

In 2008, after not knowing whether my father was dead or alive for over twenty years, my mother…locates a young woman on Facebook with my last name. Being that my last name is unusual, she sent a message to the young lady asking her if she was related to my father.

Lo and behold, she was.

That young woman turned out to be my younger half-sister…who my father had been raising, along with two other half-siblings while I was growing up longing for his presence, and thinking that, wherever he was in the world, he probably just didn’t have what it took to be a father.

So imagine my surprise to find out that he not only has what it takes to be a father, but that he’d rather just not be one to me. In fact, he would have preferred not to have been found at all. Ever.

This treatment from the person partly responsible for me being on this planet also added to my stress.

I made a two-part video discussing this situation, Growing Up the Daughter of a Serial Father, to talk out some of my emotions about this and to help spread awareness about how growing up without a father can devastate young women.

Over this last decade, I did not experience all of the symptoms of Graves (like the diarrhea), but I did experience slowly increasing irritability and fatigue, which at first I blamed on being a writer and mother of three (either one of which is enough to drive anyone crazy).

As my disease progressed, I noticed some hair loss and that my neck was swelling, and that I was losing weight. Weight loss, for most people is a welcome symptom of the disease. Unfortunately for me however, I’ve never had much weight to loose!

In the South, I’m what’s considered “small boned.” Growing up, I was always skinny, frail and small for my age.

I was so small, older relatives like my aunt Big Maggie (RIP) used to tell me with a chuckle, “Gal, you ain’t big as a minute!”

So small, bus drivers in Brooklyn would let me ride for free because my great-grandmother would tell them I was six–(at the time kids six and under rode NYC buses for free).

She did this until I nine.

As the weight fell off, my fatigue and irritability also increased. I became easily enraged and started yelling at my kids over the smallest things. Then things started going downhill fast.

At one point, I was too tired to get out of bed for more than four hours at a time.

Months later, my out of bed time dwindled to 20 minutes.

By this time I had stopped checking my emails. Stopped answering phone calls. Stopped writing. Stopped blogging. I even stopped going outside.

And then I stopped getting out of bed at all.

During this time days passed of which I have no memory. In the few moments I remember from the time, I was severely depressed and was constantly crying over nothing when I wasn’t sleeping.

Depression is not widely acknowledged by doctors as being an actual symptom of Graves, but I can tell you that I definitely suffered from it and so have many others who are frustrated at how this symptom is sometimes ignored by physicians.

During my descent into Graves Disease Hell, I experienced depression so severe I’ve been afraid upon waking that I wouldn’t make it through the day alive.

According to some reports I’ve received from family members, I also stopped eating–sometimes for days.

In this state, slowly degrading into a shell of your former self who doesn’t eat and sleeps all day, life can feel like an overwhelming weight pinning you underneath it. I felt like I was in a hole with no way out, with the light at the top slipping farther away from me each day.

This was in late November 2008.

I was suffering from full blown Graves Disease but did not know it, as I hadn’t seen a doctor in years due to a lack of health insurance.

Sometime during the first week of January, 2009, I was rushed to the hospital by ambulance and induced into a coma to keep my heart from giving out because my heart rate was so high. I was in the midst of a thyroid storm and almost lost my life.

I received excellent care at the hospital and up until recently, almost three years after my thyroid storm my Graves seemed, at least to me, to be improving–which makes it hard for me to understand why I feel so horrible right now.

Is There a Cure for Graves Disease?

Since getting out the hospital, I’ve spent much of the time I would usually spend writing, blogging or networking trying to research my way to a cure even though modern science tells us there is no cure for Graves disease. I don’t believe it.

I believe, due to lack of research funding, there’s just no cure available right now.

Most doctors who treat Graves believe there is only one way to “fix” it–by removing the patient’s thyroid through surgery or by having them swallow an iodine pill in a bio-hazard level setting, then placing the patient on thyroid replacement medication for the rest of their life.

This “treatment” is barbaric and does not heal the root of the problem because it destroys a vital organ which isn’t even broken. You see, in Graves disease, the problem isn’t actually the thyroid–it’s the immune system. And often, having the thyroid removed makes the eye disease worse.

No thanks!

Destroying my thyroid was the only option given to me by my ever optimistic [SARCASM!] doctor at the hospital. It is also the only option she gives me at every visit, every six weeks.

For several reasons, including the primary reason that destroying my thyroid won’t heal the root of the issue, I’ve decided that this “option” is not right for me….at least not right now.

And, because of several negative experiences with my current endocrinologist and with other physicians in the past, I felt a strong need to be proactive in my own healing, so…crazy as this might sound, and with no medical training…I decided to devise my own healing plan to compliment my doctors prescribed medications.

I DO NOT advise anyone else to do this!

Part of my skill set as a writer is the ability to do find in-depth research, and this is one of the main reasons I felt empowered enough to attempt this. And over my years of exhaustive research a lot of experimentation (on myself!) has also been involved–something else I recommend that people do not do!

It took about a year of research (some of which I started in the hospital) to come up with what seemed like a good initial course of action to battle my disease, and in 2010 I began implementing it.

My Graves Treatment

First, I have to say that I strongly advise people not to blindly follow any of my advice. I am only putting this information out there to describe what has worked *for me*.

Everyone’s body is different, and everything cannot work for everyone, especially if you take other medications for other ailments you may have, so again…please know that although I am sharing parts of my treatment I advise anyone who thinks about pursuing some of the avenues I have to please print and take this blog entry to your physician and discuss any parts of my personal treatment you’d like to try with your physician first!

Now…some details of my treatment, along with my latest test results.

My partly natural Graves disease healing protocol consists of:

• getting 8-10 hours of sleep a day (to let my immune system “rest” and get a full dose of healing sleep)
• getting at least 45 minutes of exercise in at least every other day (usually something calming like yoga, Tai Chi or Qi Gong, weight lifting to prevent muscle loss, or something dance related for the fun of it)
• getting sunshine (which for me means going outside walking, climbing trees, riding bikes with my kids, etc.)
• eating properly (lots of fruits and veggies, reduction of my bread and sugar intake, and cooking lots of home-cooked meals–which I’ve done for years anyway, only now I’m extra careful about using any refined products)
• taking herbs like bugleweed, motherwort and lemon balm
• taking supplements like iodine free vitamins in addition to my prescribed medication
• and last but not least, meditation

Why meditation?

I think there is some sort of mind/body feedback loop involved in healing immune disorders, and that as my body heals so does my mind.

I am working on both as part of my healing method, even though my ever optimistic [SARCASM!] doctor doesn’t believe in any of that mumbo jumbo.

She acutely told me to stop doing yoga when I was first diagnosed (which I didn’t), and upon telling her I wanted to change my diet because I believed it would help my condition she replied, “Diet doesn’t have anything to do with Graves” (which it does).

When I’ve brought up the subject of adding herbs to my treatment, she flatly told me to stay away from them and regularly tells me things like “you have the type of Graves disease that doesn’t go into remission” (HUH?). When I told her I was thinking about getting acupuncture (which has helped some Graves disease patients) she replied, “I don’t think it will help, but I don’t see what it could hurt.”

Under these circumstances, I felt it best NOT to tell my doctor the full details of my healing method.

I do not advise any other person in the world to keep details like this from their physician, but because my doctor is behind the curve when it comes to holistic healing, there is a serious communication block between us and as my treatment progresses I will likely be switching doctors to one who feels more like a partner than an adversary in my quest for total health.

And now…drumroll please…my last four test results, in a handy dandy chart!

People who aren’t into the insanely fun and zany world of endocrinology are not going to understand what these results mean, but those who are will immediately understand that, according to the numbers my Graves seems to be improving at least a little.

It’s hard to see them in the chart, so my numbers per month are below–it’s helpful here to quickly point out the “normal” ranges of these numbers, because the severity of Graves is usually determined by how far outside these “normal ” ranges your numbers are along with some other diagnostic factors.

Normal ranges:

Free T3: 2.3 to 4.2 (the higher your numbers are above this, the more severe your hyperthyroidism)

Free T4: 0.7 to 2.0 (the higher your numbers are above this, the more severe your hyperthyroidism)

TSH: 0.3 to 3.3 (the lower your numbers are below this, the more severe your hyperthyroidism)

Test Results (Taken Every Three Months)

March 14, 2011: Free T3 – 5.3, Free T4 – 1.37, TSH – 0.005

June 7, 2011: Free T3 – 4.0, Free T4 – 1.03, TSH – 0.005

August 29, 2011: Free T3 – 3.3, Free T4 – 0.87, TSH – 0.005

November 9, 2011: Free T3 -2.4, Free T4 – 0.67, TSH – 0.275

These are just the results for three of my levels. My doctor only tests these three, and a few other minor levels. When I look for a new doctor I am going to try to find someone who does more in depth testing.

Supposedly, once all of your levels are within the normal ranges, you are what’s called “clinically euthyroid” which basically means your thyroid is behaving normally under current conditions and medications.

In light of the change in my hormone levels (especially the improvement in my TSH level), I hope my current effed up feeling (like I’m walking underwater or something) is my body just adjusting and attempting to re-balance itself.

My doctor has also reduced my prescribed medication in light of my latest test results, so this adjustment in medication could also be one of the reasons I feel like crap.

But I can’t be sure. I’m not a doctor, and I’ve never been through this before.

I’m just someone who, like many Graves disease patients, feels frustrated at the lack of real treatment options available and felt desperate to take matters into my own hands.

Despite Graves being the number one cause of hyperthyroidism in the United States, there’s not a whole lot of personal stories about it on the internet so Graves can feel like a really lonely condition to have.

Especially when so few people understand how devastating the symptoms can be or how hard it is to discuss it with people as most people don’t even know what a thyroid is.

So this is my contribution to the Graves disease stories on the internet, and I hope this blog entry helps someone in some way.

Although I’m not sure what’s going to happen next in my treatment because I need a break from life to figure out how to adjust my supplements accordingly, I do know I need to start the new year with a new doctor, and together we can take the rest of my treatment from there.

In the meantime, if you believe in the power of prayer as I do, please pray for me as I step out on faith into continued recovery and I promise to keep you all updated.

Thank you reading this super long entry!

Do you have any advice or wisdom you’d like to share about living with and surviving Graves disease?

Do you have Graves disease? What treatment option did you choose and why?

Do you have any questions about Graves disease or my treatment? I’m not a doctor but I’ll do my best to answer.

Other comments? Leave ‘em below–I’d love to hear from you!

PLEASE NOTE: I am not a doctor or medical student. I’m just someone who believes that American doctors have a long way to go in learning how to heal the whole person, and not just throw pills at random symptoms which may all have one root cause.

I found the links to this research in what seems like a never ending quest to find good alternative treatments for my own auto-immune condition (Graves Disease), because I believe that knowing as much as I can about the root of this condition in my mind/body complex will help me eradicate it.

One such root for auto-immune diseases like Graves and others, a recently published study suggests, is childhood stress.

Research shows child abuse may have long lasting consequences for survivors.

The study, done by the CDC using data culled from a pool of over 15,000 people between 1995-1997 with some follow-up through 2005, concluded that “Childhood traumatic stress increased the likelihood of hospitalization with a diagnosed autoimmune disease decades into adulthood.”

The study’s conclusion also found that “These findings are consistent with recent biological studies on the impact of early life stress on subsequent inflammatory responses.”

As part of the study, participant’s ACE scores were taken into account. ACE is an acronym for Adverse Childhood Experiences.

The ACE rating system was developed by Dr. Vincent Felitti, Founder of the Department of Preventive Medicine in Kaiser Permanente in San Diego, and his colleagues at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC).

The system uses a questionnaire of various adverse childhood experiences to calculate a person’s total ACE score, which is then used to determine how the extent of that person’s childhood traumas may have affected their later life.

Basically, the higher your ACE score, the higher your chances are (according to the rating system) of experiencing multiple forms of health, behavioral and/or social problems as an adult.

I’m mentioning ACEs here because some of the more scientificky stuff below mentions them, and you have to know what the heck ACEs are in this context to understand the part of the study I’m about to quote.

Though the entire study is fascinating, I’m quoting this part of the study because as a woman I found it particularly interesting.

As many women know who suffer from auto-immune and inflammatory diseases, these ailments seem to target us more than men, which makes it extremely frustrating to explain to men clueless about the effects of these diseases that no, some women who seem to have lost their zest for life are not just being fat, bitchy and lazy on purpose–we’re sick dammit!–so maybe more men should also pay attention to how these disease affect women? Yep.

It’s part of the study that suggests a possible explanation for why women seem more prone to inflammatory and autoimmune diseases (AD below stands for Autoimmune Disease).

Rheumatic diseases are a group of inflammatory disorders in which autoantibodies and immune complex deposition produce tissue damage (44). One of the characteristics of rheumatic diseases is the production of rheumatoid factor (RF), which is an autoantibody that binds other antibodies.

RF is usually produced following viral infections (44), suggesting that infections may contribute to the development of AD (49). Fairweather and Frisancho-Kiss have found that social stress occurring before viral infection in rodents increased inflammatory heart disease in both sexes, but especially in females (unpublished results). These findings and the present study suggest that childhood stressful events may increase ADs independently as well as amplify the effect of other environmental factors, such as infections.

Thus, a possible explanation for the increased prevalence of ADs in females is that females respond to similar stressful events differently than males due to sex differences in their physiology and neurobiology (i.e., greater Th2 and glucocorticoid levels that are further amplified by stress) (13,50).

In addition, physiological and anatomical changes in the brains of individuals who have experienced childhood abuse have been documented. For example, Teicher et al. conducted electroencephalograms to measure limbic irritability and found the percentage of clinically significant brain-wave abnormalities to be higher among individuals who had a history of early trauma versus those who did not experience early trauma (51).

Magnetic resonance imaging has revealed reductions in hippocampal volumes among severely sexually abused women, and reductions in the intracranial and cerebral volumes among maltreated children compared with nonabused individuals (51–53).

Although the effects cannot be defined to any specific area of the brain, it has been shown that the limbic system, which is responsible for emotional response, is adversely affected. Because ACEs rarely occur in isolation (14,15), the cumulative effect of multiple ACEs shown in our study may have an even more powerful negative effect on a young child’s developing brain via repeated activation of the stress response.

This repeated “dosing” of the developing central nervous system by adrenal catecholamines and corticosteroids may contribute to central nervous system- and endocrine-mediated differences in immune function that result in an increased risk for AD.

All that to say, in a super scientificky way, “Hey! Child abuse can really f*ck you up as an adult!”

Especially it seems, in terms of the possibility of contracting inflammatory and auto-immune diseases, if you are an adult female abuse survivor.

Reading all this pisses me off.

Because if the findings of this study are accurate, abuse may encompass a far wider range of effects on a person beyond the immediate physical and mental distress most people think it causes.

And it makes me think of how many people might be suffering today because of crimes committed against them decades ago?

And of all the sick days lost yearly by people with autoimmune and inflammatory disease, on top of the medical costs survivors have to pay to treat illnesses possibly sped on by crimes perpetrated against them?

And of how many children are growing up today in a state where they might be more likely to develop one or more illnesses because of something someone else did to them?

Abuse costs us all and the mounting price on society is one we can’t afford to pay. Let’s do everything we can as individuals to end child abuse!

What do you think of this study?

Do you think there’s really a link between childhood abuse and adult disease? Or is this just junk science?

Weigh in with your thoughts below!

In the wake of the Penn State child rape scandal, more people are interested in the subject of male sexual assault, even though a strange shroud of silence still surrounds the crime which only serves to deepen the chasm between survival and seeking the help so many men desperately need.

Though all victims experience similar traumas in the aftermath of sexual abuse, there are ways the crime affects boys and men differently from females which are important to understand.

Male rape survivor. Photo from the Guardian.co.uk

1. Male victims of sexual assault often have difficulty dealing with a feeling of lost power or “manhood.”

Boys are indoctrinated to believe they should fight to the death over any perceived slight, so in this environment some unfortunately feel that a “real” man or “tough” boy can’t be raped because they should be able to defend themselves. These beliefs about “masculinity” are deeply ingrained in society and lead to intense feelings of guilt, shame and inadequacy for male survivors, who often view their assault as a loss of “manhood” and feel anger with themselves for not “fighting back.”

Sometimes, male survivors will attempt to “prove” their masculinity by having multiple female sexual partners, becoming a sexual predator themselves, and/or engaging in dangerous or violent behaviors, including the use of prostitutes and unprotected anal intercourse.

Survivors should be reminded that they did what seemed best at the time to survive, and there’s nothing un-masculine about that.

2. Male victims of sexual assault often don’t report it for fear of being perceived as gay.

American culture, which celebrates cowboys, bad boys, and the idea that we should all lighten up over issues like sexual abuse because “Hey…boys will be boys!”, has allowed a subculture to emerge in its midst where the slightest shows of what is perceived as “effeminate” behavior can make a young man’s school days a living hell.

And if a male was raped by a woman, he might also fear being perceived as gay if he reports it, because society tells males they are “lucky” to get sexual attention from women and that he should have “enjoyed it.”

If that male is struggling with sexual identity issues and the trauma of being a sexual assault survivor, what results from that male not getting the help and attention he needs could be catastrophic for everyone around him.

The anger and frustration from being a silent victim of this crime sometimes leads males to extreme displays of homophobia in order to prove they are not gay–even if they are. How confusing is that?! Now imagine how confusing and tormenting this crime must be for male victims of sexual assault!

This is why victims of male sexual assault should be taken seriously when they reach out for help, and immediately be counseled that they were victims of a crime and they did nothing wrong, and the crime does not make them gay, bisexual or heterosexual.

3. Male victims of sexual assault are more likely to blame themselves if they had physical reactions (erection, ejaculation, etc.) during the crime.

These same reactions, normal parts of life for most men, can become triggers for memories associated with the crime for sexual assault survivors, sometimes making ensuing intimate relationships difficult. These reactions are not the fault of the victim, and should never be blamed on or used to shame the victim.

According to the National Center for Victims of Crime, these reactions are “normal, involuntary physiological reactions. It does not mean that the victim wanted to be raped or sexually assaulted, or that the survivor enjoyed the traumatic experience. Sexual arousal does not necessarily mean there was consent.”

If you are a survivor of male sexual assault–first, I’d like to thank you for reading this blog entry. I know as a survivor myself that sometimes material like this can be difficult to read.

Second, if you need resources for dealing with your trauma, or would like to suggest good reading material for others so they can be more educated about this issue, an excellent place to start is the book list at the bottom of Dr. Jim Hopper’s male sexual abuse page. Dr. Hopper also includes sources for friends, lovers, spouses, parents and caregivers of males who have been sexually abused.

Third, I urge you to seek therapy immediately, if it is available to you.

Do you have any wisdom to share on this issue? Let me know in the comments–I’d love to hear from you!

The Three Soldiers statue on the Washington National Mall commemorating the Vietnam War. The grouping consists of three soldiers purposely identifiable as Caucasian, African American and Hispanic. Photo from PoolhallJunkie at Wunderground.com

On this Veteran’s Day, Heavy Mentalist salutes the fine men and women of the American Armed Forces!

As I wrote in a post last year on homeless veterans, I have many issues with the war machine (one being its use of mostly poor men and women to enforce America’s corporate and political agendas all over the world).

But today my focus is on celebrating veterans for all their courage and sacrifice. Here are two websites with links to freebies for veterans: 14 Veteran’s Day Freebies for Those Who Served and Veteran’s Day Freebies 2011.

Some of the freebies include free meals at restaurants like Denny’s, Chili’s, and Olive Garden, and free stays at bed and breakfast establishments across the country. Happy Veterans Day!

Why in the hell were all you bumbaclaats out in the streets last night protesting the firing of Joe Paterno?

Penn State students protesting the firing of head coach Joe Paterno

Why are you not protesting the turning of your school into a crime scene where a child perpetrator allegedly raped a kid, then had his actions covered up by administrators? Why are you not protesting the pain of the parents who are just finding out that their child may have been raped? Why are you not protesting the many, many psychological, mental and physical effects the rape that allegedly happened on your campus could have on the victim?

For anyone unaware, Paterno aka “Joe Pa,” was fired recently in the wake of a scandal involving former assistant coach Jerry Sandusky, who is accused of raping and molesting boys as young as eight, possibly on Penn State’s campus!

An eyewitness, Mike McQueary, alleges he witnessed Sandusky perpetrating a sexual act on a young boy in a Penn State shower room, before turning on his heels and closing the door leaving the child to be hurt and terrorized for only God knows how long. This incident happened in 2002, when McQueary was a graduate student. He says that he then notified Paterno of the assault.

Mike McQueary--witnessed a child rape and did nothing to stop it

Paterno then reported the alleged incident to the athletic director–and stopped there!

This athletic director, Tim Curley, has recently asked to be placed on administrative leave. He and fellow administrator Gary Schultz are facing perjury charges and charges of failing to report an assault on campus.The National Football Foundation is also withdrawing an award it was planning to present to Curley in light of the scandal.

Sandusky has been indicted on 40 charges ranging from “indecent assault of someone under 16″ and “indecent assault of someone under 13″ to “corruption of minors.” Earlier this week, Sandusky was barred from Penn State’s campus and from being alone with his grandchildren.

I can’t help but wonder, if that boy in the shower had been one of Joe Paterno’s grandchildren, would he have just told the athletic director and stopped pursuing the matter? Would he still feel like he “did what [he] was supposed to do“?

Would McQueary have simply turned and walked out on his mother or girlfriend being raped?

Because the problem in this situation which allowed so many to turn a blind eye to Sandusky’s activities is one of the root problems with society in general, which is: no one gives a damn about horrible things that happen to other people, until those horrible things happen to them.

The accusations and rumors surrounding Sandusky for years were like a sick game of hot potato, with everyone wanting to get the potato out of their hands so they could concentrate on what’s really important–FOOTBALL!

And all the students protesting can think about is how “unfair” it is that “Joe Pa” as he is called will not get to attend his last game as head coach! Many are also upset over the way Paterno was fired (he was fired via a phone call). Well boo-fuckin’-hoo because none of that outweighs the importance of the fact that he failed to report the actions of a suspected pedophile to legal authorities!

At least he was notified that his life was about to change forever in ways that were beyond his control–unlike Sandusky’s victims!

What about the fact that these little boys had to grow up emotionally devastated, with their childhoods and possibly their faith in life and in themselves broken and possibly lost forever? Where is the outrage for the REAL victims?

I say Paterno, McQueary and EVERYONE involved who did not do all they could to stop this child predator needs to be fired, immediately! And if  it’s found in court that they broke any laws, they should all go from Penn State straight to the state pen!

Someone, if not several someones, must pay for this crime. I hope all the victims in this case lawyer up and get what they are due from Penn State and everyone involved!

What are your thought on this scandal? Do people who witness crimes have an obligation to report them?  What more could McQreary and others with knowledge of the abuse have done to stop it? Any other thoughts on this case? Let’s hear ‘em! I’d love to hear from you.

Fans of 80s and 90s hip hop were shocked today to hear that rapper Heavy D passed away of unknown causes. Known throughout his career as a “positive” rapper, Heav was one of few such rappers to earn and maintain respect amongst more “hard-core” emcees because of his cool street wise, yet intelligent demeanor.

Heavy D was also known for his dance skills, which defied most people’s thoughts about how big boys could get down and incorporated live dance in his stage shows with his group Heavy D & the Boyz.

A dancer in the group who is also deceased, Trouble T Roy, was the inspiration for the Pete Rock and CL Smooth Song, “They Reminisce Over You (T.R.O.Y)” after his untimely demise from falling off a stage.

Heavy D, born Dwight Arrington Myers was also known for incorporating a ragga chanting style into his raps, which was a reflection of his Jamaican background. Later in his career he had several acting stints including roles in Tower Heist and The Cider House Rules.

He was also loved by many, many fans (including me!) for his music and will be missed by them all. Heavy Mentalist salutes Heavy D, and would like to extend condolences to his family, friends and all who loved him.

Below are some of my favorite Heavy D songs. As I look back over these old videos…wow, I realize that Heavy’s passing is not only sad because he is gone, but also because what he represented in his time is slowly fading away. What a sad day for everyone who remembers this era in hip hop! RIP Heavy D!

Overweight Lover’s in the House

Nuttin’ But Love (this video features RHOA’s Cynthia and some other famous models)

You Can’t See What I Can See (Live on In Living Colour)

The In Living Color Theme

Dem No Worry We (with Super Cat)

Quick story: The other night, my period came. It was early. It happened in the wee hours of the morning, and being short on monthly supplies I felt a sense of panic for a moment before I had an idea: turn to the internet and see how you can make something in a hurry to use!

After all, I thought, women had to use something before the invention of modern menstrual products…maybe if I do some research I can make something similar to period protections that were used in the ‘ole days.

What I found astounded me. Not only did I find literally hundreds of patterns, design ideas and ways to construct homemade menstrual pads—and tampons!—I found entire communities of women who have been doing this for years for several reasons.

Beautiful homemade pad from She Who Runs In the Forest

The second reason is using homemade sanitary products could prevent potential damage to a woman’s reproductive organs. Commercially made pads and tampons expose our precious lady parts to a myriad of harmful chemicals and bleaches which serve to increase absorbency and keep them looking white and bright.

Despite all the benefits I was reading about, at the time my mind couldn’t help but focus on one thing—do these durn things work?—I’m having a period here and the CVS doesn’t open ’til 7 AM!

So I quickly settled on one of the patterns I saw and made one, then tested it. And whaddya know…the ten layer cotton and fleece pad I made on the first day of my period lasted just as long as a standard pad.

Pretty pad from Put a Sock In It

If you are all “Ick!” and “Ewwwwww!” right now about the concept of washing your own menstrual pads…maybe this isn’t for you. I admit, this might seem kinda hardcore for some women who grew up with manufactured sanitary products.

But regardless of what others think, I’m sold. I will be making more of these and incorporating them into my monthly period cycle supplies.

I’m also a proponent of this because teaching women around the world without access to manufactured pads how to make homemade period supplies is extremely empowering and simple to do. It is also cheap to do since a lot of household items and old clothes can be easily upcycled into menstrual pads and tampons.

Crafty activists–craftivists?–looking for unique ways to help others can make these to donate in bulk to needy girls around the world.

Girls without access to commercially produced period supplies can bring them to school, then rinse them out and hang them in bathroom spaces or other spaces as needed, or rinse them and put them into sandwich bags placed inside lunch bags or makeup type bags with plastic linings.

If you want to explore the wonderful world of homemade sanitary napkins and tampons, Cloth Menstrual Pad Database has lots of links to free menstrual pad patterns. For visual learners, here is a video on how to sew them, wear them and clean them.

Fuzbaby also has loads of links to free pad patterns, as does Born to Love which features this nifty tidbit for homemade tampons:

Buy 6 pair (or more) of 100% cotton white baby socks. Wash (and dry) three times with a natural, mild soap – rinsing well. At your next period, simply roll up one baby sock into a tight roll, and insert as you would a paper tampon. If you need more absorbency, use two baby socks rolled up. Replace it with the next baby sock as needed. Rinse the used one out well, and store dry until washday.

Genius! For crocheters, a free pattern for a crochet tampon is available on Craftster.

Crochet tampon--how cute!

All the period supplies women use every month go into trash and end up compounding the landfill overflow issues we’re currently experiencing in the US.

There are infinite variety of ways these can be made–they can even be made to be waterproof! I used the fleece to make my pad “waterproof,” but there are several other methods to do so shared by women on the websites I linked to.

I think it’s somewhat of an art for each woman or girl to determine which fabrics feel and work best for her, and for me this has become more than just something I did during an emergency–this is something I feel should be a fundamental part of lessons in female self-reliance and  I’ll be teaching my daughter to make these soon!

Would you make homemade menstrual supplies?

Do you already make them? If so, how do others react when they find out you make your own period supplies?

Do you think this is a good idea for helping women and girls without access to commercial pads?

Let me know what you think about this post –I’ love to hear from you!

“I cannot support a system which, in its administration, has proven so fraught with error and has come so close to the ultimate nightmare, the state’s taking of innocent life… Until I can be sure that everyone sentenced to death in Illinois is truly guilty, until I can be sure with moral certainty that no innocent man or woman is facing a lethal injection, no one will meet that fate.” –Governor George Ryan of Illinois, January 2000, in declaring a moratorium on executions in his state, after the 13th Illinois death row inmate had been released from prison due to wrongful conviction. (photo © AFP)

Last night to the horror of the world, the state of Georgia killed death row inmate Troy Davis for the murder of police officer Mark MacPhail. Davis’ supporters believe that no physical evidence tied him to the crime which saw Davis sit on death row for 22 years.

The U.S. Supreme Court banned the death penalty in 1972 but authorized its resumption in 1976, allowing each state to decide whether or not to use it. Currently, 12 states and the District of Columbia do not use the death penalty. Those states include Alaska, Hawaii, Iowa, Maine, Massachusetts, Michigan, Minnesota, North Dakota, Rhode Island, Vermont, West Virginia and Wisconsin. Recent laws have expanded the number of crimes for which capital punishment can be applied, while other legislation has reduced appeal mechanisms available to those on death row.

I am against the death penalty. Here are seven reasons why.

1. Regions of the US that use the death penalty are the least safe for police officers.  According to statistics from the latest FBI Uniform Crime Report, regions of the US using the death penalty the least are the safe for police. Police face the most danger in the south, which accounts for 80% of all executions (90% in 2000). In addition, a study of the deterrence value of the death penalty focused on whether the death penalty deterred the murder of police officers. A study surveyed a thirteen year period of police homicides and found “no consistent evidence that capital punishment influenced police killings during the 1976-1989 period. . . . [P]olice do not appear to have been afforded an added measure of protection against homicide by capital punishment.”

2. The majority of people executed are poor. About 90% could not afford a lawyer when they went to trial and had to rely upon a court-appointed lawyer. Some disagree with this stance, and claim a defendant’s income has little bearing on whether they receive the death penalty. ProCon.org presents both sides of the argument, with the statements presented leaning towards the idea that yes, poor people do in fact get picked to die more than others.

3.  The death penalty may or may not deter crime. ProCon.org gives a balanced view of both the pro death penalty side and the anti-death penalty stance on this issue. Some studies show an overall drop in homicide rates in the years following the abolishment of the death penalty. The homicide rate in Canada has been gradually dropping since executions were stopped. This phenomenon has been observed in other countries who’ve abandoned the death penalty, though more research needs to be done to establish a direct relationship between decrease in homicides and cessation of the death penalty.

4. The death penalty costs more per prisoner than life imprisonment. ProCon.org attempts to present both sides of this debate here, but was only able to gather a small amount of evidence to the contrary, backing up research that the death penalty does in fact cost more than life imprisonment.

5. Some people on death row are innocent. Since 1973, over 130 people have been released from death row with evidence of their innocence.  1973-1999 saw an average of 3.1 exonerations per year, while there were five per year from 2000-2007.

6. Race is a factor in determining who dies. In 1990, a report from the General Accounting Office concluded that “in 82 percent of the studies [reviewed], race of the victim was found to influence the likelihood of being charged with capital murder or receiving the death penalty, i.e. those who murdered whites were more likely to be sentenced to death than those who murdered blacks.” 15 white people have been executed for killing a black person, while 246 black people have been executed for killing whites (this figure obviously doesn’t take into account the innumerable number of African-American men, women and children killed for “offenses” against whites throughout the history of this country for which no white person was ever held accountable).

7. The death penalty assumes there is no hope for rehabilitation. While most major religions teach us that human beings are capable of mental, emotional and spiritual change over time through love and the showing of compassion. I know what I’m about to say might sound judgmental, but in my eyes states that allow the death penalty do not take this same stance.

Questions:

What was your reaction to the execution of Troy Davis? Are you for, or against the death penalty? Why or why not?

Did Nicki Minaj lie about her sexuality to sell CDs?

In songs like “Go Hard” from her Beam Me Up Scotty mixtape, Minaj claims she “only stops for pedestrians, or a real real bad lesbian.” In a 2009 interview with Vlad TV, Minaj is asked how men should approach her to which she replies, “I like girls to approach me…” because they have “fun parts I can squeeze.”

With homophobia heavy in hip hop, hearing Minaj openly proclaim her appreciation for same sex sex is a breath of fresh air for many gay rap fans who’ve always listened to popular rappers only discussing male/female relationships, and sometimes openly promoting violence against them.

Despite what some describe as thin lyrical ability, Minaj quickly shot to fame on a Pepto Bismol pink wave of girl power and gay pride, becoming the first mainstream rapper to appear on the cover of the gay publication Out Magazine.

Sometime in mid 2010 however, Nicki began revealing in several interviews that she in fact was not gay or bisexual.

She tells Vibe in their June/July of 2010 issue, “I don’t date women and I don’t have sex with women.”

Then we find out Nicki–who told Hot 107.9′s DJ Drama in September of 2010 that she’s “single” and doesn’t “date boys” because they’re “yucky”–has a boyfriend. A boyfriend she’s rumored to be engaged or married to.

Well…OK. This must mean she’s straight…er…bisexual…right? So is she? Or ain’t she? And if she ain’t, then why’d she say she was?

There are several possibilities why Nicki may be changing her sexual tune. The first may simply be a matter of  Minaj cleaning up her lyrics because she feels she’s becoming a role model.

Two, if Minaj was engaged at the beginning of her career, saying she preferred women makes perfect sense. What better way to oblige the rap industry’s need for sexually charged lyrics  without  making her man jealous?  She admits in Out Magazine to tarting up her image for her first mix tape, 2007’s Playtime Is Over after her manager suggested she change her name to Minaj (she was born Onika Maraj). Later in the interview she also admits attempting to fend off male stalkers by playing to female fans

The other possibly behind this sexual switcharoo is a more nefarious one: Minaj was simply using her “bisexuality” to sell CDs, a form of gay black-face or fauxmosexuality some websites like After Ellen are calling an entertainment industry trend.

The marketing involved in promoting fauxmosexual acts is genius. Naturally, the larger the market you cultivate by appealing to all sexual orientations, the more people there are to potentially buy your product. And as touchy as “gayness” remains in American society, many young people have different attitudes than their parents do about homosexuality. Some even think bi-sexuality is “cool.” Since Nicki’s target market is a younger demographic, I can see why her handlers would want her to appear gay or bi.

Still, a smart a marketing move doesn’t equal an ethically correct one.

The visibility of fauxmosexual women who flirt with, kiss and feel up other women in public while always having a male partner helps perpetuate the idea that bi women are “freaky” and like to engage in threesomes. You can see part of this “bisexual girls are hot” phenomena being played out in porn films heavy with “girl on girl action” and in shows like “Girls Gone Wild” where half naked teenagers are seen engaging in various semi-pornographic acts.

When Minaj tells the public she is moving in with Rihanna or raps about wanting to take Cassie from Diddy, it’s hard to tell if it’s genuine or another publicity stunt meant to drum up sales by teasing the male imagination.

Does that look like the tongue of an experienced lip lapper?

This stigma attached to male sexual fluidity not only makes it nearly impossible for an out gay rapper to make it in the music business, it also makes it much more difficult for gay or bi men in general to be honest with their sexual partners, which has the effect of making this stigma much more dangerous to public health than being gay or bisexual.

It’s this type of dangerous double standard that makes women who display masculine traits like Angelina Jolie “sexy” while men like Adam Lambert are “freaks” who might give you AIDS.

Yet, it’s in this same prejudicial space framed around hetero structured “norms” that Minaj is allowed to rise to fame while simultaneously perpetuating the misogyny inherent in it, often using similar language to describe women as her male counterparts.

If Nicki is feigning her bisexuality, she is playing–and playing with–emotions and perceptions about self image and self worth that for many are dangerous indeed. How many kids have taken their own lives because of the pressures around them to “straighten up” or who just feel like there’s no one around who understands? How many people have been killed for being what Nicki might be pretending to be?

Minaj gave many fans hope that that hip hop is becoming more accepting of gays and bisexuals. I just hope it’s not a false one, because the last thing youth need in this country is one more fake ass person lying to them. They have enough of those  people around already.

Various parts of this song’s lyrics and its chorus have been sampled in other hip hop songs over the years. This track is from her first album, 1989′s All Hail the Queen. Currently, Queen Latifah is no longer making rap music, she is a Covergirl spokeswoman, model, actress, producer behind the VH1 show Single Ladies, etc., etc., etc…I’m happy for her success, still part of me misses Queen Latifah, the rapper!