The side-effects that I am experiencing are definitely worse this time than they were the first round. The fatigue was about the same, the loss of appetite was just as oppressive. But the neuropathy is worse. About two hours into the chemo treatment, I could no longer drink the iced tea I had. The electricity-in-the-mouth sensation seems more potent and it is hard to swallow. My jaw joints tingle unbearably for a few seconds when I put any sort of food or drink in my mouth — even my staple: warm Gatorade. I am also noticing sensitivity in my fingers and toes to cold. The AC vent in the car hurts my fingers on the steering wheel, typing hurts more than it used to, touching cold things is mildly bothersome. An added bonus this past few days was the resurgence of my vertically impacted wisdom tooth pain. (I have only one wisdom tooth [for some reason -- hypodontia] and it likes to pop out through the gum a little bit every few months causing me a few days worth of annoying pain.) So there was not much sleep and not much eating. I am down to 145 lbs.

But enough whining. I am feeling better, once again, and ready to hit the road towards Atlanta. We are driving there in order to catch a flight to Phoenix for a little family vacation in Arizona. I am excited to see Mandy’s family and hang out with them. I am looking forward to hanging out with Mandy for a bit in Phoenix — the city where we met. I cannot wait to take the kids to the Grand Canyon. And I am pumped about going to Flagstaff to speak at Grace next Sunday.

Isaiah 12:2 — Behold, God is my salvation; I will trust, and will not be afraid; for the Lord God is my strength and my song, and he has become my salvation.

This is good stuff. This is a reiteration of part of the Song of Moses in Exodus 15 (verse 2) which succeeded the successful crossing of the Red Sea and Israel’s exodus from Egypt. This passage shows me that we can lean on God for what we need in this life. And that would be enough. But it was not enough for Him. God is the initiator of our salvation. We can trust Him when things are hard; we can trust Him when there is no evidence of Him; we can trust Him no matter what.

I heard a great message from Andy Stanley this morning. In it he talks about the disciples of Jesus. If we could ask them when their darkest time was, they would have said that it started with the supper in the upper room that preceded the arrest, trial and death of Jesus. If we could then ask them when the time was that God was doing the most work, they would have said that it was during those very same moments. In other words, it is often during the darkest times that God does the most amazing works.

So lean on God. You can trust Him. For this life and beyond.

• Inflatable Cockroach — this would be a good gift for my friend Tony Morgan
• Star Wars USB Drives — some USB drives make me happy

Here are my choices for the dumbest gadgets of the week:

• Meatball Grill — in case you have extra cupboard space
• Ketchup Spread Head — gross
• Tennis Salad Tongs — please do not buy these
• Smores Keyboard — I hate smores
• TIE Fighter Playhouse — does not appear to be room for the whole family
• Pipe Candlestick — tacky
• Mnemosyne — $10,000 USB Drive
• Stick Crayons — huh?
• Endangered Species Erasers — erase the endangered species away
• Foot Pee Pack — words fail me

When Julius walks in, he instantly greets everyone he walks by. He gives old ladies hugs — he even asked one lady for some sugar. When anyone asks him how he is doing he says, “I’m doing GREAT!” and laughs a little. He has been coming here for chemo treatments for a year now. He talks to everyone and tells stories about his life. He talks about his wife of 55 years who he had to put into a nursing home — it was hard for him to go home to a king bed and be the king without a queen. He talks about how he has very few side-effects of the chemo and that allows him to be in his garden every day.

I am sitting here on the computer (once again, I am the only one with a laptop) and so I looked up this Julius Scipio character. I found an article about him in our local Anderson paper. The article (you can read it here) talks about his desire to share the fruits of his garden with his neighbors. But I love the quote at the end:

“All of us were put here to do something. You have to keep a purpose in life. So I’m up every morning and working in this garden. I love it. I get so much happiness from this garden because I can help people.”

My hope and prayer is this: That I will brighten up the room when I walk in making others feel better AND that I will keep a purpose in life. I, of course, am not much of a gardener, but my hope is that I can find — and keep — a purpose in life to help people.

Aside from the five-second-ice-pick-in-my-liver pain I feel a few times a day, I have no physical suffering. I am often hungry and I eat often — even ice cream. I am doing a little bit of exercise. (Really?) I am also feeling quite positive emotionally and spiritually. I have truly enjoyed my wife and kids over the past few days. I do not look the best, I’m sure. I have lost some weight — presently at 149 lbs. So I feel like Bizarro Outshined (from Soundgarden): “I’m looking Minnesota, but feeling California.” In other words, I feel great. And I thank God for it all.

And yet I feel like I am about to descend into a cave of darkness and gloom. I am bracing for impact. I am fully expecting a sharp decline. My prayer is that it will not be as painful as the first time — even though I am told it will get worse and worse. My prayer is that a few days afterward I will be feeling like this again — even though I am told I should not expect this to last.

I would really like to skip the chemo altogether. I would like to go on living this week like I did last week. I would love to pretend I do not have cancer and just enjoy the summer. But knowing [and feeling] firsthand what cancer can do to my body, I accept that this treatment is the way to go. So… upward and onward.

1 Corinthians 15:33 — Do not be deceived: “Bad company ruins good morals.”

I find myself captivated by this saying — I recognize two facets of it.

First, this is what your mother told you when you were a kid. If you hang out with the wrong crowd, you are going to get into trouble. We have probably all fallen victim to this ruse: An innocent night out with the boys (or girls) and the next thing you are explaining yourself to a stern police officer — and eventually your mother, too. Notice that the company ruins morals. None of us are amoral. We all have morals. It is not enough for me, as a father, to teach my kids good morals. I also need to teach them to be wise with their choice of companionship. I need to carefully — wisely — position myself with my company as well.

Second, we should be even more careful that we are not the bad company ruining others’ morals. Too often, to the chagrin of my parents, I found myself as the one ruining the morals of others. Again: I was not amoral — though perhaps immoral. When we hang out with the wrong crowd too much, we start to become the wrong crowd. When we are the wrong crowd, we ruin the good morals of others.

There is much recent talk about how Jesus spent time with prostitutes and tax collectors. Some use that information to justify their immersion into a worldly life. I myself have done so. This cannot be good. There is also a trend for those who claim to believe in Jesus to spend the rest of their life hanging out with others who claim to believe in Jesus. They completely avoid those who are lost. This, also, is not good.

The answer is obvious and lies, with so many other things, in having a balance. We must be mature and wise with the selection of our company. We must be obedient to the Spirit of God who we claim resides in us. These are one and the same: Obedience to God always results in maturity and wisdom.

• F-4 Ejection Office Chair — I’m done with this meeting… eject!
• Mississippi Clock — I enjoy clocks that annoy others

Here are my choices for the dumbest gadgets of the week:

• Coffin Couch — too morbid
• Golf Trap Accent Table — ugly
• Toy Water Bottle Parasite — huh?
• Fire Design — I suppose they should at least be pretty
• Floppy Disk Flash Drive — very witty
• Bowlingual — find out what your dog says in Japanese
• Pink Skidproof Laptop Balls — nope
• Global Warming Light — global warming is a lie
• Cannon USB Drive — if only it was USB 2.0
• Bootprint Potato Masher — completely pointless

First, we will spend several days with my inlaws in Phoenix. After that we will spend the weekend in Flagstaff and the Grand Canyon. I will also be speaking at Grace Community in Flagstaff on Sunday. Then back to Phoenix and back home.

I am grateful for the opportunity to travel — and thankful for the plane tickets from my inlaws, too. I am excited about going to In-N-Out and having real Mexican food. July may not be the best (coolest) month to visit Phoenix, but I trust the air conditioning will be working well.

The doctors have cleared the trip — only warning me to stay out of the sun and avoid sick people. It is because of the newness of my chemotherapy that I can do something like this. Future treatments may make travel largely impossible.

I hope to see many people that I have not seen in a while, including many readers of this blog. Everyone in Mandy’s family lives in the area so it will be great to see them all. The opportunity to speak at Grace is also very exciting. Please pray for my strength before, during and after the trip. And maybe I’ll see you in AZ!

When we came to NewSpring nine months ago, it was primarily for me to put my IT & leadership skills into effect to help the church accomplish their vision. We saw it as a calling of God to be part of something dynamic. Since being here, we have become immersed in a community. I have developed some cool relationships with senior staff and other co-workers. The team I get to lead and work with on a daily basis are some of my favorite people in the world. It is only now, after discovering I have cancer, that I realize that us being here at NewSpring was more of an invitation from God. I realize now that God was not so much saying, “Zac, I need your skills in South Carolina to get stuff done at NewSpring,” as He was saying, “Zac, you need to be at NewSpring to get through what I’ve got for you.” We are here because this is the best place for us to be. I frankly do not know how we, as a family, or I, as an individual, could have dealt with all of this without the community that surrounds us.

To wit:

• Dinner was brought to my family while I was in the hospital and for several weeks following
• Absurd amounts of chidcare were provided
• We have been given Chick fil-A and grocery store gift cards
• We have been given movie theater gift cards
• We have been given Target gift cards
• We have been given cash
• Our large lawn was — and continues to be — mowed every week
• A team came out and sprayed our poison ivy and cleaned up the weeds along our lengthy driveway
• I continue to receive sweets of all kinds in an effort to fatten me up
• We have received emotional help
• We are constantly encouraged spiritually

And none of this shows signs of letting up. I would not want to be anywhere else in the world than in the midst of this community right now. The people of NewSpring live out their faith and their beliefs. In other words, they do not simply talk about Jesus, they act like Him.

His questions were remarkable, albeit slightly unreadable. They betray a considerable amount of thought ability in his young brain. He asserted there were a few things that did not make sense. Who created God? How can God be everywhere at the same time? Why do we go to heaven when we are resurrected but Jesus came back to earth when He was resurrected? How can God be three parts?

We talked for a while about these questions and I found some of my answers were not completely sufficient for him. I shared with him that some of these questions are mysteries we all share. I explained to Luke what I believe: When we get to heaven, we will understand them fully. Luke seemed mildly placated while wondering how he could remember these questions. I then explained to him that he had both prayed for God to answer them and he had also written them down in his journal — certainly God would answer them when he got to heaven.

Then Luke said, “Can Jesus read my questions if they are misspelled?”

Psalm 139:2 — You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar.

I am grateful that my heavenly Father knows my thoughts and all of the mysteries that rattle through my head. I, like Luke, am eager to have that full understanding that will only occur when we are ultimately glorified and sanctified in heaven. I am also thankful for each of my children; they bring me such joy.