Help Me, Bubby!

2010-02-27T19:33:00.002-05:00

Dear friends of Bubby,

Six years ago we started a blog with our grandmother, Bubby, as a way to share her wise advice with the world. We knew that everyone would love her wit, candor and compassion.

This little experiment soon turned into something more special than we could have ever imagined. Within months, Bubby was receiving letters from thousands of people around the world, pouring out their hearts, and sharing their most personal stories with our grandmother. She loved offering her help. She loved reading your letters every day. She was so proud to be a Bubby to all of you.

Sadly, last night, we lost our Bubby.

At 94, she was still beautiful.

Thank you for all of your contributions over the years. You helped make her life that much more special.

With love,
the granddaughters

2009-08-24T03:46:00.009-04:00

Reader Update!

In July of 2006, we received a letter from a 29-year old woman with a broken heart. And this wasn't the first time she had to pick up the pieces.

She and her fiance were supposed to be married in 2005, but he called it off and they parted ways. 6 months later he found his way back to her, begged for forgiveness, re-proposed, and she accepted. A few months went by and he called off the wedding again. But of course he kept her dangling and her hopes for a third reunion remained high.

When you hear a story like this, you want to yell from the rooftops, "FORGET HIM!" But as we all know, the heart can be hard-of-hearing sometimes. And this girl needed some advice. Leave it to Bubby to set things straight.

Bubby wasted no time referring to this man as an "immature fellow." She wrote, "I recommend you forget him and if he calls, just tell him the party is over... There are many fish in the sea and I am sure there is one who is looking for you... Life with this person will never happen. I wish you all the happiness in the world."

Even an anonymous commenter left a note saying: "Bubby's quite right. If he breaks it off once, and comes back, and all's well, fine. We all make mistakes, and we all have doubts. If he breaks it off twice?! Run, and never look back."

There is nothing we love more at this website than an update letter with a happy ending. So we are pleased to report that nearly 3 years to the date of this original posting, we heard from this woman again.

What do you think happened? Did he finally grow a pair? Did she learn her lesson? Did she take Bubby's advice?" Read on to find out...

Dear Bubby,

I wanted to write to up-date you and to thank you for the very good advice you gave me some three years ago now. My then fiance had called off our wedding for the second time and I was so distressed. You said I should forget this immature person who had wasted so much of my time.

I took your advice and it really really worked out! After deciding to end all contact with my ex-fiance, I worked hard on my career and found a fantastic new job. The very first month I met a colleague in another department and, in time, we fell in love. We married last year and are now expecting our first child.

With my ex, everything was difficult. With my now husband, everything is easy - we can really talk and he is so kind, fun and gentle. And, he was, from the beginning, absolutely sure about me. He is also supportive of my career as we work in the same field, something my ex never was. Really, he just cares deeply about my happiness and I couldn't imagine that I could ever love someone as much as I love him.

I never would have found this wonderful man if I hadn't taken your advice.

Anyway, just to thank you. Writing to you and receiving your sensible response was a great comfort to me then, and I am so grateful I listened to your wisdom.

Wishing you and your family every happiness,
No longer 'Heart-broken all over again.'

Thank you!!
xo, the granddaughters and

2009-04-06T12:26:00.002-04:00

Happy Passover!

Searching for the afikomen
Can be quite a chore
Tipsy from the wine you drank
Glasses, 1 to 4.
Filling up on matzah brie
Children ask, "On this night, why...?"
What better way to celebrate
Than to have Bubby make your seder plate.

April 17, 2005: A Bubby's Passover wish for everyone
April 24, 2005: 32 people around the table!
April 25, 2005: Noodle Yummy on Passover?
June 22, 2005: Why 8 days?
Passover cartoons: Here.

love,
the granddaughters

2009-03-05T18:16:00.003-05:00

Happy Birthday!

No, not to Bubby. One of her granddaughters is turning 31 this week! We'll be visiting Bubby over the weekend to celebrate with her. Plus, rumor is we're going to be baking hamentashins with her too. Now that's what Bubby calls a party. (By the way, if you need the recipe again, here it is. And here's the baking video we made last year.)

But, back to the aging process. Here are some great birthday-themed letters that have been sent to Bubby over the years:

Is it approrpriate to have a Jewish baby naming ceremony for a boy on his first birthday?
Why did he act so distant at my birthday party even though he drove 2 hours to see me?
Bubby thinks you should take a cold shower and wait until your 16th birthday party.
My husband forgot my birthday, what should I do?
If I pretend you are my Bubby, will you send me a birthday gift?
Why don't you buy him a nice broadcloth shirt or a slipover sweater for his birthday?
My boyfriend had fun on his 21st birthday, but I haven't yet. Should I marry him?

Best to everyone!

2009-01-20T19:29:00.002-05:00

What an historic day! Bubby couldn't be more pleased to see Barack Obama become our new president. She was glued to CNN just like the rest of the world. Can you imagine how it must feel to be 93 and see such a pivotal moment in history??

To commemorate the day, we decided to remind you of some great letters Bubby has responded to over the years that were related to politics.

love,
the granddaughters

2009-01-09T17:03:00.003-05:00

With the economy being what it is today,
and stock markets holding your dreams at bay,
your financial woes may make you shed a tear,
and overdose on panic and fear.
But Bubby just smiles and to us she'll say,
"Don't forget. Money is round... It can roll towards you, or away."

Here are some of the best "money questions" Bubby has responded to over the years.

love,
the granddaughters

2008-12-18T00:07:00.000-05:00

Another year has gone by... Another birthday is here to celebrate.

HAPPY 93rd BUBBY!

love,
everyone

Post your birthday wishes to Bubby in the comments below.

2008-09-28T12:12:00.002-04:00

Happy Rosh Hashana!
Bubby and her granddaughters wish all of you a happy and healthy new year.

Over the years we have received so many (thousands!) of touching, endearing, tearful, hopeful, soulful letters from people around the world, asking Bubby for life advice. We wish for all of you that your stories turn out happy and everyone sees all their dreams come true.

And on that note, how 'bout a happy update letter!

On July 25, 2005, we received a letter from a 25-year old woman living in Belgium who told Bubby she was planning to marry her boyfriend. She was looking for her first job after graduate school, but the only one available to her was far away in Paris. She wasn't excited about the job and didn't feel like it matched her qualifications. But she was afraid her parents would be mad if she didn't accept it.

Bubby wrote her wisely, "It is a terrible feeling to get up in the morning and go to a job that you don't like or are not qualified for. Just give yourself more time to find the job for which you are trained and you are qualified."

And then she added, "Don't worry about your boyfriend. If you really love one another distance will not make a difference." Bubby knows what long-distance love is like! And she knew there was a way to solve this problem if everyone sat down to talk about it. "Put your thinking cap on!" Bubby told her.

A few years went by, and on March 8, 2006, we received a great update letter. They were still happily in love and getting married! She did find another job that she was much happier with, even though it still meant geographical distance for the couple. But they visited each other every weekend, and spoke on the phone every day. She wrote, "This is working, because we made it work, with lots of patience and love. Thanks for your nice advice to me when I asked for it... I'll send you another update for the wedding."

Well, we're happy to report that she kept her word. This week we received another great update letter. She wrote:

Dear Bubby,

I am very happy to tell you that, due to my good job and good fortune, he was able to come join me in Paris to look for a job (which he found easily). We got married in April. We first met in 2003, and it was a difficult 5 years. We got through it, partly thanks to your advice.

So thank you very much and take care.

From,
The Old Continent

2008-09-25T12:42:00.000-04:00

More great fan letters for Bubby:

Your site is a great idea and your acts are beautiful mitzvos. You have my admiration always for helping these people in your special way. Blessings.

And...

Dear Bubby,
I would like to congratulate you on a successful and ingenious site :) I'm a newcomer but I'm impressed with the layout and content. It's very nice of you to want to help those in need of advice.

Thanks everyone!

2008-08-24T23:37:00.002-04:00

New Letters and New Advice!
Bubby had some special help from her own daughter to answer this new letter.

Dear Bubby,

I'm a 17 year old girl and a senior in high school. I am a member of the softball team and this year I've been named captain!

This past Sunday something I never could have imagined happened... our assistant coach past away. The whole team is devastated. It was very sudden, he wasn't even sick. Now, every time our head coach looks at the team, he gets tears in his eyes.

As the captain, I feel it's my job to keep everyone in high spirit. I put on a brave face and act like everything's OK, but I just can't do it anymore. I need a shoulder to cry on too.

What can I say to my teammates to help them cope with this great lost without lying to myself? How can I help my head coach deal with losing his best friend?

Please help me...
Team In Tears

Dear Team In Tears,

Every person should allow for time to mourn. It's a very human need. You need to be patient with yourself. It's very kind of you to want to help your team.

In time, everyone's spirits will be revived and the memory of your coach will celebrated in team victories.

But for now, take time to cry, talk about your feeling, and share them with your teammates. Even if you tell them that "Everything is OK", it's all right to admit that it isn't right now.

Maybe you guys can do something in his honor, like raise money to help his family, or have a memorial service, or a candlelight vigil. Maybe everyone can share stories about him.

There is a time for mourning, and a time for smiling.

2008-08-24T21:45:00.000-04:00

Thanks!
Bubby recieved a very sweet fan letter. We thought we'd share it with you...

Hello Bubby,

That's so nice to read your advices. We always need advice in our life and sometimes get lost with what we should do in our life, especially when we're thinking alone.

I really thank you for all what you do to help people. so nice!

Good luck & take care!

From,
Seeking

2008-07-27T22:22:00.002-04:00

Dear Bubby,

My husband is 58 and I am 57. He is retired from his job and stays home. I still go to work as a school secretary. I like my job, hate the commute. Our daughter, who is 30 and single, has a 2 year old little girl, who we adore. My husband babysits 2 days a week and a babysitter comes in 3 other days. My husband and I want to sell our house and move to a retirement village in Florida so that we can spend our days in the sun, enjoying the rest of our life.

Problem: My daughter and her baby cannot afford to live on their own and she states that she HATES Florida and will go to a shelter before moving to Fla. Also, my mother in law lives 3 houses away, is not well physically and would be horrified if we moved. She is also very attached to the baby.

OY.

My daughter does not give us any money towards the house, it is very expensive to live here and we want life to be easier for us. What ever we do it seems someone will get hurt. I am not even sure if I want to go. My mom and my siblings live 40 minutes away and i would miss them a lot. STILL....it would be so much easier financially.

Thank you for your time,
Moving Mom

Dear Moving Mom,

Well, beggars cannot be choosers.

Imagine that entitlement!

You should do whatever you can afford. Take your mother-in-law to Florida. If your daughter doesn't want to come to Florida so that you can continue to help her, let her get on with her life elsewhere. Let her find out on her own, how hard it is to live on your own.

Meanwhile, you deserve your day in the sun. You certainly worked hard for it all your life.

Imagine that.

2008-07-11T22:50:00.003-04:00

Reader Update!
We all love a good reader update story. And today we have a new one for you...

On May 7th, 2006 , Bubby received a touching letter from a man who had just lost his wife a few months earlier. It was a heart-breaking letter about love and loss and faith. Bubby knows all about that sort of thing, and was eager to respond.

To paraphrase, he asked her, "...if God doesn't make mistakes, and if He has a plan for each of us, and if that plan is good, why [is my family] here eating a huge crap sandwich?" Because he had two children to continue raising, he needed to know how to pick himself up again.

Bubby, of course, had a lot to say. First she emphasized, "I know just how you feel because I have been in the same boat. For some time I could do nothing but feel sorry for myself." And then she advised, "Remember the wound heals but the scars remain and life goes on. I know I'm here and you will be too. Be a good loving father. Have courage and smile."

Two comments were also left in that post by readers. One anonymous person wrote in, "be patient and believe that future will bring joy and happiness for you and your children." And another nicely added, "... Life doesn't end after this....and neither do families. Families are forever. Let that be the lighthouse shining through the fog."

Well, we were oh so happy to find a myspace update from our reader this week with an update on his life and the children. With permission, we just wanted to let you all know how things are:

Dear Bubby,

Hi. About 2 years ago, I remember asking you why God took my wife and left me and my kids alone. Well, now we are doing OK, and involved in new adventures. It is still sad, but bearable, and of course we still miss her. But life goes on, and I think the future will be OK too.

We hope this inspires others. Feel free to leave your comments below.

Until next time...

2008-06-22T20:07:00.003-04:00

Dear Bubby,

I am 30 years old. I am Muslim and live in an Arabian country. I suffer a lot because I'm homosexual. I hate that but I do not know how to change and be normal. I want to marry and get children. Is there hope? Is there methods or cure for my case?

Please help, sorry for my bad English.

With a lot of love,
Trapped In Here

Dear Trapped In Here,

I suggest you move to a country that is more tolerant so that you can have a life. A happy life. Homosexuality is not a disease, you are just born that way. It doesn't mean that something is wrong with you.

People who are not educated well enough don't know how to be more accepting. Start accepting yourself first. You can still have a family and children, just maybe not where you are living now.

Don't lose hope.

2008-06-08T16:13:00.002-04:00

Dear Bubby,

I'd really really appreciate it if you gave me your wonderful advice on this particular situation that I'm in. I am sure that you get a ton of email from people around the world - but it would be amazing to get feedback from such a great lady.

Fortunately for some—and unfortunately for others in high school, the junior prom is just around the corner. I know it's just one night and essentially just another school dance, but with added stress and more hype. (It all seems so shallow yet fun to me). I have the dress. I have the group of friends I'm going with. Just missing is my date.

Nervous to the point that I almost couldn't think, I asked a friend (who is a senior) to the prom, as friends. He was very kind about it... but said he couldn't go because he was visiting his sister somewhere. He told me "thanks for the invite" and suggested that I ask one of his friends.

Wow. This was like a small slap in the face. But it's life. And it happens.

Unfortunately one of my friends (a girl) had already asked (the senior's) friend. Pretty much all of my girl friends have dates and I know it is my fault that I waited too long to ask that senior in the first place.

But along comes fate. In the face of a guy, who I'll call Joe, and who is looking for a date. I hear that he is planning on asking me. It is so exciting that someone is going to ask me to prom, but I don't really like Joe like a boyfriend...like I'm not attracted to him at all. He's not that bad looking, just really annoying sometimes. I hate to sound to shallow mean but I care too much about what other girls in my school would say and think. (Like "Oh she's too good for him" Or "she shouldn't settle").

And I shouldn't care.

But I begin thinking that maybe all this stupid drama would not have happened if I had had a boyfriend. Maybe none of this rejection and awkwardness would not have occurred. Maybe there's something wrong with me or something I did or did not do that causes me not to have a boyfriend.

I have lots of friends (guys and girls) in school and am active in many clubs and sports. I try (but not too hard) to be outgoing and positive but it seems all very fruitless at the moment.

So what went wrong? Will I ever find not just someone who I like, but some who likes me back?
And is finding a boyfriend this hard in college? I hope not.

Please Bubby, could you respond to my incredibly long email? Pretty please? And thanks so much for your time.

Sincerely,
Questioning Girl

P.S. Does Love exist?

Dear Questioning Girl,

The answer is YES.
Love does exist.
I found it and so will you.
Just wait.
You never know where love will find you or you will find love.
Just wait.

2008-05-28T17:31:00.003-04:00

New Letters and New Advice!
Bubby had some help from some special people to answer a ton of new mail she's received lately. Check back all week to read more of Bubby's advice.

Dear Bubby,

I am 15, turning 16. I know I'm young but it is believed I am an "old soul". I believe in a lot of things the people around me don't even consider. However, I am haunted by a dark childhood. Many things have happened to me one of which has ripped me apart from my best friend, my mother. We have been apart for 3 years now with visits once or twice a week but it's not enough ever.

I have also been lost in interest. I used to do ballet, soccer, paint, write, read, everything. And the past two years have been empty of it, not because of lack of opportunity, but lack of interest. I am frustrated because I do not even have anything to lose myself in or vent through. I've been trying everything from belly dancing to guitar lessons and nothing seems to help. Everyone says it's gonna get better. They've been saying it since I was born.

I'm tired of waiting Bubby!

Thank you for even listening,
Losing Interest

Dear Losing Interest,

This will pass. And you are going to look back at the dark side of your life and you will be in control. In a few years you will be an adult and you will be able to make decisions and spend more time with your mother. Just hold on to it. It's going to be OK.

You are a very, very strong young girl with a lot of interests and a nice future. Keep taking advantage of all of your opportunities. This is just for now, but the future is up to you.

This is not forever.

2008-05-24T19:58:00.003-04:00

New Letters and New Advice!
Today Bubby had a great day with some special visitors. We all gathered together on the couch to answer some new letters. Check back all week to read more of Bubby's advice.

Hey Bubby,

I've been asking my friends this question and been coming up with the same answer, but I wanted an outside opinion. I can't feel like I can really talk to my parents. And my grandparents aren't around anymore.

I want to be an animator. I'm very serious and passionate about art and this career choice. But my dad just doesn't seem to see that. I wish he could understand how I feel about what I do, but he doesn't. Recently I've been talking to him about the idea of college, and I told him of this wonderful college outside of the state. He got really mad.

He told me that he wasn't going to send me money outside of the state, because he didn't think I could handle the responsibility. I have an autistic brother that my mom and I take care of and my dad doesn't help at all. I do a lot around here, and get decent grades in school. I don't understand why he wouldn't think I'm responsible enough.

I'd do anything to get my dad's approval and lately I've been thinking of doing something else so that he's happy and proud of me. Should I go through with not pursuing my career as an animator?

Sincerly,
Lost

Dear Lost,

You should try to explain to your father what an animator does and show him examples of your work. Maybe once he knows what it entails, he'll learn to respect you and the work that you love to do. Find out exactly what he has against being an animator. Maybe he thinks you can't earn a living doing that. Tell him about people who work at Disney - they make a lot of money!

Get your education first. You're still young. You should explore all possibilities. If you are interested in art, then pursue a career in art. Just like my granddaughter.

2008-03-27T09:10:00.012-04:00

Purim!

Baking hamentashen with Bubby for Purim

A recent visit to Bubby's house resulted in a very creative afternoon. Hope you enjoy this short film made by Bubby's granddaughter!

Click on the white triangle above to start the movie.

2008-02-22T12:00:00.006-05:00

Overheard on the red carpet

Joan Rivers: "And what are you wearing tonight?"

Natalie Portman: "Oh, this is an original 'Help Me, Bubby!' t-shirt I bought at cafepress, thanks to my favorite blog."

Joan Rivers: "It's fabulous. I'm kvelling over it. Melissa, get one of these for my grand kids! I want to be hearted, too."

Just in time of Oscar season, we have three new items in the marketplace today! Click here to visit.

If you've purchased one of our items before (and we know tons of you have!), take a photo of yourself or someone else wearing the item, and email it to us. We'll feature you on Bubby's website...!

2008-02-13T14:12:00.002-05:00

Letters from you!
We get letters every day, and some of them you wouldn't believe! But this month we recevied a lovely one from Michael. He wrote,

Bubby,
It's amazing to me that most Jewish people here don't know what a bubby is and call their grandmother's - grandma. It's amazing what you are doing with the blog.

Good luck,
Michael

Thanks, Michael! This reminds us of a post we put up in July of 2006, regarding Bubby's yiddish moniker. Lots of people ask us about her name. Click here for a refresher on the meaning.

And then we received a cool letter from a woman who calls herself, Lost and Hopeful. She wrote to Bubby about a letter we posted in August of 2007. This is the first time we've recieved a letter from someone asking one of our readers to follow up (usually we have to do the asking!). Here is her question:

Dear Bubby,

I've been reading your old letters, and I came across one that inspired me. Lost Seeker [Monday, August 28 2007] sounds a lot like me. I feel the exact same way as him. I was uninspired when I graduated, and have yet to pick a direction. I am also wondering about love, but that's another story.

I was actually wondering if I could find out how he's doing now? If he went in a particular direction? Maybe his story can help me. Could you ask me if he could give me some pointers? He just sounds like someone I'd like to speak to.

Thank you,
Lost & hopeful

We've reposted the letter she is reffering to below. And of course, we've already sent a note asking our reader for a follow-up! Check back soon to see his reply.

Dear Bubby,

First I want to say that I think your website is wonderful! It's beautiful to see you lovingly helping so many people out there!! If only there were more people like you out there. I send out much love to you!!!

I'm a 22-year-old male, and for the past 6 years I have been feeling more and more lost in life. I just finished college, majoring in science, and although I loved it at first, I ended college with no interest to pursue a career in the subject. I thought by this point in life, I would have my life sorted out a little more.

Most people I know have figured out what they want to do with themselves, they know what type of occupation they want, and they are in long term relationships. Here I am, with no real direction in life, have never had a solid relationship, and no sure sign of one happening soon (or ever).

I've decided to take a year to travel around. I spent 2 months living in Spain, and will be returning to Europe shortly. I'm hoping that travel will help me learn a lot more about the world, about people, and about myself. And hopefully it will help me find some direction.

My question is: Does direction in life ever come?? How exactly does one find it? My current plan is to wander the planet until I find it. And true love? Does it really exist? Is there really a soul mate for everyone? Does life ever come together? I really need the advice of somebody who has been in the world long enough to know the nature of it better than I do.

Thanks so much,
Lost Seeker

Dear Lost Seeker,

I think maybe you don't give yourself enough time wherever it is you go. You should put down roots and get to know the people around you.

Take a job where there are lots of people. Maybe a large corporation. And you'll learn to deal with different personalities. Some will be good, some bad, some will have expectations and others will never get off the ground. And you should learn the difference.

Yes, there is a true soul mate. And you will find that it will find you. And one day without hunting, she'll be there. I know. Because I went through it.

Just wait and see. True love will come.

2007-12-25T18:37:00.000-05:00

Dear Bubby,

I discovered your website today and it's so good to know that somewhere in the world I can talk to a grandmother who would care of me. Unfortunately I never had talks with my own grandmothers. Sometimes I feel alone and I know my friends can't help me because they are too young. Sometimes I see an older woman in the street or in the bus and I wonder about the luck their grandchildren have.

I've always wanted to ask questions about love to someone I can trust and who has enough experiences.

I would like to know, according to all your experiences, if love can overcome everything? I think I am in love with someone. But, well, it's a girl. She has problems with drugs. I'm only 18 and people thinks it's stupid, but... This situation is probably absolutely crazy for you. I feel so lost and I just didn't know what to do.

I wish you an happy birthday and all the best. You are just wonderful.

With a lot of love,
LuvGirl

Dear LuvGirl,

There's a lot more to it than just love. Is the person reliable? Is the person helpful? Is the person healthy? Of course if they are good looking and educated then that is much more agreeable. No need to worry about being good looking, there's always more to a person than a happy face. That goes along with it. But it is important to have a good heart.

If they have a strong will, anyone can overcome drugs. She has to put them away and get rid of them. That's very important. I don't know how she started doing them but she has to get rid of them once and for all. She can keep saying, "tomorrow" and "tomorrow" and "tomorrow" but that will make it worse. It takes a strong will.

She has to tell herself that enough is enough. I'm not going to take them anymore! I'm going to throw them all out and stay away from them forever and forever. The drugs would certainly shorten her life. It takes a strong will and only she knows how strong she is.

"Tomorrow" will never come. There is no end to tomorrows. There's always another tomorrow. I hope she throws them away. Maybe she had an unhappy life at home or broke up with her boyfriend or whatever. But you have to be a strong person.

Thank you for your sweet letter.

2007-12-18T19:35:00.000-05:00

HAPPY 92nd BIRTHDAY

TO BUBBY!!

Send your bday wishes to Bubby in the comments below and we'll make sure she sees them all!

love, the granddaughters

2007-12-03T21:46:00.000-05:00

Blast From The Past
Just for fun, we decided to post an old letter of Bubby's that to this day still remains... how shall we put this?... Relevant?

Feb. 11, 2004

Dear Bubby,

I worry that GW Bush is the worst president the U.S. has ever had and that this is the most critical historical period the U.S. has ever been in.

The combination of those two worries keeps me up at night. Now I have dark circles under my eyes and a permanent back ache, and I'm only 33.

Since you've seen a lot more of life than I have, can you reassure me that things have been this bad before, or maybe even worse, and they got better? Where does a person find hope in the dark moments of life?

Thanks,
Lily

Dear Lily,

Yes, Bush is the worst President we ever had. But we have had bad times and got through it. Do you listen to the programs on some of the political programs like CNN? Listen to as many as you can. I am a Democrat and that is the party of the people. I'm for Kerry and I would like to see Edwards as the No.2 man. I think they are both sincere and will try for the common people -- schools, health, jobs, etc.

Don't give up hope. This is your country and my country and is the best in the world. The trouble will dribble out and our men will come home. I lived through a few wars. Remember the storm is over and the sun shines again. Just like Noah and his ark. Trust in G-d. Keep your spirits high and do what's right.

Good Luck.

2007-11-18T18:34:00.000-05:00

[Granddaughter note: While we had to edit this recent letter slightly due to length, we did not alter the spelling or grammar.]

Dear Bubby,

I am 30 year old woman and live in Shiraz-Iran. I love my country but its pretty mail domination. Which means woman have little opportunity. To find husband, take care of kids, and be obedient is the most important things for woman in my country. I had one terrible marriage experience. My ex-husband was addicted to heroin and my mother in law was abusive person. how ever after 1 month I got divorce. In my country is not appropriate for woman to get divorce and I considered as not good woman just because I was sure it’s not right to share life with rubbish man….

After my divorce I decided to run my own business, I am planning to make nice coffee shop but my mother thinks it’s better for me to get married as soon as possible because I am aging.

I don’t want to repeat my bad experience, my mother is finding me proposal like 40 years old or older… but I am not really interested to marry some one who is older besides the point I am not emotionally ready after what had happen, I just want to focus on my job. Although we have lots of argue, she always does what she wants.

How can I make her to listen to me? My mum was never a good listener at all….

Signed,
Looking For Answers

Dear Looking For Answers,

Nobody can tell you what to do with your life. You have to figure out what is good for you. Every person has a life and that person can decide what to do with that life. Do you want it to be good or do you want it to be bad? Whatever. You want to be well or do you want to be sick?

To be good is best. It doesn't take any more energy to be well as it does to be sick and bad. To be good leaves you free to do what you want to do. You have to work hard. That's the important thing. Nobody gives it to you. You must do it yourself. It's as simple as that.

First, you must get an education. When you have an education you are superior. You can always find someone your own age to marry (or a year or two older, or a year or two younger). You'll always find someone you can love and be married to, so I think your mother is wrong.

If you want to open a business, more power to you. You have to keep your eyes on the ball. It's not easy, but if you work hard, it comes to you. No question about it.

2007-11-07T16:40:00.000-05:00

Reader Update!

Dear Bubby,

I haven't been back to check this blog in a while, but every time I do come back, I am so happy to read all the wonderful advice Bubby has to give, and it's so wonderful to see how much love the granddaughters have for their Bubby.

Happy 91st birthday, bubby! My bubby also turns 93 today, and I'm so glad to hear that your bubby is doing well.

I don't think I've ever written to this site for advice, but I started checking this blog out a few years ago when a long-term relationship ended and I was doing lots of thinking about relationships and love. Bubby's kind words and wisdom were so supportive and smart.

Now I'm glad to give my own update. I've been in a wonderful relationship with a very kind, sweet, and handsome man, and he is meeting with the jeweller today to arrange for my engagement ring! It's so exciting to begin this new chapter of my life with someone I love so much.

So Bubby, thank you for all your wisdom along the way. Although it wasn't in direct response to me, you are helping so many people who not only write in with questions but read your advice and kind words.

Love,
I'm so excited...and I just can't hide it