Chloé

fReE

2022-05-12T15:36:00.002+01:00

in the end

it's just about finding a place to stay

a corner to breathe freely

a surface to create

It's so easy to get confused by the outside world

the pressure

the desire

the ambition

In the end

finding that snowy peace is the place to go back

being able to create freely is the way of living.

5tucK

2021-09-03T17:57:00.002+01:00

stuck.

can't move to the left nor right.

can't fly nor run.

endless waves hit, cold wind grabs the limbs.

endless waves rage and scorn all the sandy castles.

stuck.

even flying with a imaginary wings can't lead you through the glass door.

rest. mind.

haunting thoughts are melted by drugs and penetrate as flow never away.

rest. escape.

energy drained.

whERe am I

2020-04-15T16:48:00.001+01:00

again and again

the same problem again and again

how many times

the blast

the black

the noise

the tiredness

it shouts and cries

i can grasp nothing

the fear

it's all about fears

it's all about losing the love

love has been replaced with the longing for being recognised.

drowning

imagine to slip out from the knife wound on the back

leave it

give it up

changing

again and again

DIsAPpeAreD

2019-09-21T16:26:00.002+01:00

In the end, i still need to come back.

the feeling of being insecure, doubtful, hollow, stressed says everything.

It's not i don't know what i wanna do.

It is that i don't dare to face the fact i'm afraid.

i have to admit. i miss the time when i really feel comfortable, confident, and free there.

the confidence wasn't about being so strong.

it was the feeling that i kept moving by stepping out the comfort zone again and again and naturally felt confident of yourself and free mentally.

i miss it and i need it so much.

there, i have nothing to lose.

here, i have everything to lose.

there, i don't care about anything or anyone else but me.

here, my heart is locked down to the loved ones and constantly worried and fear.

at the same time, i am constrained to feel myself, talk to myself, care of myself and do something for myself.

FreE

2019-07-08T16:52:00.001+01:00

it's a world that being better or not doesn't matter at all.

you either regret the past or worry the future.

it's a bit terrifying when you can't remember the anchor.

i can't really take them all.

sometimes they all look the same.

you start to imagine losing all of them, and then just realise how black it could be.

now i know why i felt it back in the days.

that is free.

DeepReinforcementLearning set up

2018-09-11T15:19:00.001+01:00

- git clone: https://github.com/AppliedDataSciencePartners/DeepReinforcementLearning
- install everything: https://medium.com/@margaretmz/anaconda-jupyter-notebook-tensorflow-and-keras-b91f381405f8
- brew install graphviz (https://github.com/XifengGuo/CapsNet-Keras/issues/7)

a pLAy

2018-08-20T17:09:00.002+01:00

then,
I just realised everyone has their own story.

it's heavy.
it's twisted.
it's powerful.

we can only survive in our own way. don't judge.

but, do not create even more tragedies and dark plays.
i feel torn apart amidst anger, sorrow and compassion.

i stopped and stepped down along the words, one by one.
it was getting darker and softer.
i knew i was going back, back to that black deep and familiar space.
the only thing different was that i was watching it and let it happen cautiously.
there, i could go very wrong.

i recalled and felt the tears for you.
i recalled and felt the anger and hatred for those unfair punishments.
i recalled and felt the endless hopelessness behind that empty smile in my mirror.
i kept recalling all the twisted minds and hearts that just couldn't cope with the outside world, and people.

why? i was searching for the way out and i guess this was it.

and now, this's got to come to a break and end.
slowly i walked away with contradictory feelings and i said, thank you for always being there and patiently waited.

R3solutIOns

2018-01-11T14:51:00.000+00:00

python
data mining project
tensorflow
spark
swimming
english
nonlinear dynamics
5 certificates of deep learning
go

1st sentence

2017-10-26T15:24:00.001+01:00

It's been a long time since i last went to england, and it's going to be a long until i next go to england.

It feels like a long time since i last went to england, and it feels like it will be a long time until i next go to england.

backbone + react +requirejs + gulp

2016-09-07T07:38:00.000+01:00

package.json
devDependencies:{
"gulp-babel": "^6.1.2",
"babel-plugin-transform-react-jsx": "^6.8.0",
"babel-polyfill": "^6.13.0",
"babel-preset-es2015": "^6.14.0"
}

gulp

var babel = require('gulp-babel')
gulp.task('babeljsx', function () {
return gulp.src( __('{{ app }}{{ jsFolder }}/_babelTest/*.js'))
.pipe(babel())
.pipe(gulp.dest( __('{{ app }}{{ jsFolder }}/_babelTest/output')));
});

requirejs
path: {
// react
react: '../components/react/react',

reactDOM: '../components/react/react-dom',

es6: '../components/requirejs-babel/es6',

babel: '../components/requirejs-babel/babel-5.8.34.min',
}

backbone route + react
ReactDom.render(, this.$el[0]);

paUSE

2016-08-17T16:09:00.001+01:00

好想可以停下來一下

我想念那時候只需要面對自己的日子

FuNERaL

2016-07-27T10:27:00.000+01:00

今天參加了告別式

告別了一個對家裡有不少幫助的長輩

如今

他又再用他的生命給身邊的我們上了一課

一切是緣分

我也感念他是我的親人之一

慢慢的

世代交替

慢慢的

我們都會歸根

從告別式的場面可以知道

有不少人受過幫助前來悼念

開始我也在想

也許這就是表現生命一種方式

在有生之年活好

有餘力的情況下正面的影響別人幫助別人

在這種場合裡

生命突然就別具意義了

久違

2016-07-27T04:23:00.004+01:00

好久好久好久沒上來啦

GoOd FoR Us

2015-11-03T06:03:00.001+00:00

”對自己好的“：
not like when we were young, we studied because it is good for us ( school-wise)
now, good for us has broader meaning.
it can be good for our career.
it can be good for our health.
it can be good for our mind (such as being happier, feeling life is fun)
it can be good for making more money, etc.

cUt

2015-10-01T15:31:00.004+01:00

累了

厭倦束縛

一切都好明顯

離開離開

逃

2015-10-01T15:23:00.004+01:00

好想逃走

SoLItudE

2015-09-23T17:12:00.000+01:00

after preparing my script for a speech in my english class, i started to miss the life i had when i was in England. interestingly, the time that i recalled most often is that time i was still finding the job in London.

somehow i just miss the time being alone that i can really concentrate on myself and doing things i want to.

less worries. less concern. less grumble.

how ABouT ...

2015-06-22T03:18:00.000+01:00

how about just calm down a little bit

and just read and exercise for this month?

cREaTion

2015-06-09T16:16:00.001+01:00

i dont like what i am doing now.

i have more energy inside.

I need to create.

conFUSEd

2015-06-09T03:18:00.003+01:00

everyday is a bit confusing.

neVER stOp

2015-05-29T15:44:00.001+01:00

the fairest thing in this world probably is that everyone has the same amount of time a day -- 24 hrs.

i know that how much time and efforts you put into something and how close you will be close to it.

this May, i am 32. i can really feel the time flies.

everyone has its own destiny but that's not the point. It doesn't matter how others are. it is what i am that matters.

i've spent more than 7 years being an software developer.
i've spent almost 2 years living in a foreign country and seeking new findings of myself.

this is my own life. it is me who's responsible for it, not others. don't blame on other people or things or environment. if my life has not changed that's because you dont let it change. just do it, even if every step is tiny and it seems no time for big changes. it really doesn't matter. keep seeking and never stop.

unLimiTeD

2015-05-29T11:54:00.003+01:00

今天坐車突然想起來以前的自己

不管是國中還是高中

老愛標新立異

相較於現在

好像就少了那點年少輕狂的氣勢了

想要有很多改變啊

rAiny DAy

2015-05-20T06:11:00.000+01:00

probably the first time i've ever enjoyed a rainy day so much

it's brought the intolerably high temperature down dramatically that i feel cool and calm immediately once i walked out from home.

today's heavy rain just makes everything greener, cooler and more comfortable.

suRRouNDingS

2015-05-20T05:29:00.002+01:00

that's why everyone needs some time to be alone.

without any interruption.
without any distraction.
only feel the existence of oneself and the surroundings.

i feel much better now

pUT iT inTO peRSpeCTIve

2015-05-11T17:56:00.002+01:00

keep telling myself that

everyone is different since the world needs diversity

but to calm all my thoughts down is another story

this unique trip's changed me quite a lot in a way

even though i didn't realise it until i came back

he said...

coming home puts it into perspective.

it can't be more correct and precise.

I found myself starting to digest all i've received in the trip when coming back home.

I probably should've noted down every thought's transition.

appreciate home but not used to it.

bring those new habits back home.

regain self-confidence from mastering the language

get annoyed by people who are not satisfied with their salary which is already beyond average.

get pissed off by people who just care about money

get pretty upset by people who ride or drive on pavements.

start to give deep thoughts about that every job has its own unique value and is equally noble.

start to appreciate all different works around the world

feel happy when simply watching birds fly around or plants grow into their own beauty

quickly find out myself spending money much more then i was in the trip and feel a bit guilty

still enjoy listening all sorts of accents

start to get less annoyed by people who care little about others

feel sorry about generally long working hours in taiwan

feel embarrassed when finding myself or others treating families impolitely

first time ever really think i shouldn't go to see the doctor because there are some other people who need the medical service more then me

appreciate the time being together with my family even more

get confused about my future

get confused about my career

get confused about what i really want

get confused about what on earth is important to me

keep being confused with my own life

dislike news even more so

feel lost

want a long time to be alone

feel powerless of myself

want to do more

want to get on the trip and take the challenge to see how far i can go again

.......

coming home puts it into perspective.....and it is still changing and fermenting....

we'll see.