Written by Joanna Diaz

Associate Director of Operations

How would you respond if your daughter asked “why don’t I have good hair?” What constitutes “good hair?”

The conversation about “good hair” is not a new concept – more so ongoing. There is a famous scene from Spike Lee’s School Daze (debuted in the late 1980s), with the “Wannabees” vs. “Jiggaboos” addressing the pros and cons of each hair type. Fast forward to 2000’s where films and documentaries are about dialogues circumventing black women and hair trends. Chris Rock’s Good Hair, with emphasis on black women’s hair and the lengths and measures taken to attain and maintain a certain look; the use of “creamy crack” and lay-a-way weaves. Regina Kimbell’s My Nappy Roots: A Journey Through Black Hair-itage discusses the political, social and culture influences hairstyles.

Many women of color are abandoning their weaves and relaxers in lieu of embracing their natural hair textures. Hence, this has become a hairy topic amid those who still opt to relax their hair and the women who opt to maintain their natural locks. Some have asked if the decision for some women to go natural is a “trendy” one. Trend or not, it is a personal preference.

However, is there really a difference as to how a woman opts to wear her hair? Does the preference for a woman to ‘relax’ the curls in her hair make her less of a black woman and/or signify that she is conforming to a certain standard? Or is a desire to be “nappy” or “kinky” make you less desirable?

There are a plethora of perspectives about this issue. The root of my concern is what perspectives are being imposed upon many of our young ladies about “good hair.”  Regardless of their hair texture they should be taught to love and embrace themselves, hair and all! Hair texture should not be used as a medium to inflict inferiority; it does not make them any more or less of a person. Furthermore, they should not be made to taunt someone who does not have the share the same hair type as them.

Kinky or curly as opposed to straight, your preference is your preference, follow the regimen that works best for you. We ought to detangle whatever knots convolute this conversation and embrace and be proud of who we are and our children should be taught the same!

Good Hair – The Tyra Banks Show

It’s the repetition of a question…

It’s the nagging of a subject until you’ve conceded…

It’s the speaking without being spoken to…

It’s the offering of information although you know and s/he knows that s/he has no knowledge on the subject…

It’s all of these utterances of voice from our children…that annoy us…because we are adults.

VOICES. It is through the Voices module that we at herDIVAspot aim to harness the powers of our inner child and thus, cultivate the inner children of our DIVAs. Through core and relevant curriculum, we will position ourselves as a guidance before that figurative slip of duct tape is placed over the imagination, crippling a child’s innocence and creativity. In a world barraged with a variety of voices from the media, from peers, and from family, it can prove very difficult for a young lady to find her own true voice…and then, to believe in it.

The mother is our child’s first model. She is from whom children learn the necessities  and allowances of certain behaviors in every area of living. But as much as we want to protect our children and lead them always, we must be honest with ourselves; there are so many “models” just waiting to lead our children once they leave our doorsteps. Where will those steps into the outside world lead them? Truthfully, into some directions that will prove to become learning experiences, and hopefully, to the open doors and arms of herDIVAspot Mentors.

I’ve hinted at relevant curriculum. Those learning methods that will grasp your child’s interests and point of reference. Methods and models age appropriate. Examples given by a strong and enriched voice of the youth, say maybe, a Willow Smith. Some adults’ eyes may lighten at the mention of ten-year old Willow Smith while others’ may widen at the audacity of such a young person, especially with the power and reach that Smith holds. I personally like to give credit where credit is due and with her only daughter Willow Smith, Jada Pinkett-Smith is definitely redirecting her maternal legacy.

“For people to be able to sit down together and have a conversation, that is the power of love. Love is what sometimes holds us and binds us when we’re not so happy. My belief is that communication is the best way to create strong relationships.”

- Jada Pinkett-Smith, Red Table Talk Mother’s Day 2012

At such a young and impressionable age, Willow Smith is being encouraged to find her voice, understand it, and then, to use it. By empowering young ladies to embrace diversity and “Whip Their Hair”, Willow is showing us through action, Jada by reinforcement, that there is no voice too young, too inexperienced, and definitely too small to be used and heard by others.

We want the same for our DIVAs…..don’t you?

It was the end of the school year.

Everyone was buzzing around, happily engaging on one of the seniors’ favorite graduation time activities: the signing of the yearbooks.

“Can I borrow a pen,” one would hear at least every few minutes during those last weeks of school when classmates struggled to cram well wishes, apologies, lamentations, contact information, “see you in Septembers” and what have you into any bits of white space that were available.

It was awesome.

We were all a little misty-eyed, we’d miss each other of course. But still we were excited to be going off to college and starting our “adult” lives.

On one lazy afternoon, I flipped through my good friend Patricia’s yearbook. We were hanging around, reminiscing on our soon to be gone high school years. As I flipped through her book, she flipped though mine.

I thumbed the pages and read message after message praising my friend. “You’re so smart,” the messages would say. “You’re such an intellectual”.

We went to a specialized school, and collectively the student body and faculty had created a culture where being smart wasn’t just OK, it was desirable, sought after, and encouraged. I can imagine that in some other schools, where the culture is different and intelligence is frowned upon while ignorance is upheld, being called smart wouldn’t necessarily be taken for a compliment.

Patricia was smart, very smart (and remains one of the smartest women I know). But she was also beautiful; from Brazil with all of her Latina curves, though this was a trait she rarely played up.

As she thumbed through my yearbook, she read aloud message after message. These messages were also positive and full of praise. But instead, I was praised for being sexy.

Patricia looks up, a slight frown spreading over her face. “I wish more people said I was sexy,” she said to me.

“I wish more people said I was smart.”

Why can’t we have it all?

It’s an age old question, whether we’re talking about family vs. career, or beauty vs. brains, it seems that as women, we’re always giving up something. Compromising.

The reality is that there are countless women out there that are both beautiful and intelligent, but we are constantly either playing up one or playing down the other. Deep down we know the reality is that, even in our “liberated” culture, even in the year 2012, society still has a hard time recognizing both in us.  Instead, society needs to compartmentalize us, breaking us down into the “smart” category and the “attractive” category, and deciding when it’s best to interact with which.

The concepts of beauty, uniqueness and intelligence are addressed in both the divine and the intelligent modules, and hopefully will instill a sense of balance and wholeness in our girls.

I want our girls to be able to fully embrace their beauty, and by that I don’t mean the adolescent-standard-of-beauty-du-jour. I mean all the things that make them unique and special and well…beautiful. And I also want them to embrace their brains as an ally, and the power that comes with them.

I want them to realize that they should never have to choose between the two.

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Written by Sophia Domeville,

Associate Director of Public Relations & Internal Affairs

Our founder and executive director Kimberly Parris touched on on the topic of personal identity in our first herDIVAspot blog. This week, I would like to expand with one of herDIVASpot modules called Divine. This module explores self-acceptance and self-worth creating the ability for a young woman to be able to view herself in her internal mirror and answer questions such as “Who am I? What makes me, me? Where is my value?” It is an affirmation of self regardless of one’s weak points that we aspire to have our young women reach.

“Everyone hates a black woman until they need one.” 

This line alone hit a nerve as I finished reading an article titled, “Black Women: It’s All Your Fault: But Not that You Care” on Clutch Magazine. I applaud the writer for addressing the numerous amount of negative press about Black Woman which have polluted the media for a number of years. Topics run the gamut from being obese, doomed to forever be unmarried, undesirable unless we all just happen to look like Beyonce, why our black men dislike us and the list goes on.

“Black women get attacked because we’re there. We’re visible. We aren’t going anywhere. And we are willing to entertain our faults. We are willing to discuss. We are invested in our families and communities and each other, so we show up, whether we want to be there or not, out of communal pride and obligation. We’ll raise our kids. We’ll raise OTHER people’s kids. We’ll put everyone through college and let grandpa set up his hospital bed in the living room. We’ll support you when you’re a community organizer. We’ll support you when you’re President of the United States. We’ll have your children, raise them, then get into a lengthy debate about whether or not we’re fat because we’re A) trying to keep the President of the United States interested in our sexy or B) because we don’t want to sweat out our perms.”

- Danielle C. Belton

Having our first lady being a strong, nurturing, intelligent black women doesn’t seem to be good enough for the media. The more positive images and articles of Black Women surface are quickly trumped with a quadruple amount of negativity. I ask the question, “Does America really hate us?”  Or is it that we really hate ourselves by allowing such negative perceptions to become topics during Sunday brunch. Can we as a whole break down these stereotypes that has pervaded our community for generations? If so, then where do we start?

After being spoon fed these negative stereotypes for the majority of my life, I’ve always wondered, “How can I continue surviving in this world without losing my sense of self?” As it stands,  I work consistently toward presenting a positive image of strength, courage, creativity and acceptance towards those who look to me as mentor.

 My main concern is, how does this affect our little girls?

How can we as mothers, big sisters, mentors, aunties, grandmothers and etc protect, nurture and somehow instill tools to raise our future generation with a sense of self-worth amongst the bombard of negative imagery? I at times wonder if there is still hope for my own generation where your sense of self-worth has been compared to your shoes, the clothes that you wear, the people who title as a partner, your job, yearly salary, texture of your hair, lightness of your skin all tugged, ripped and hanged up for viewing.

If we as a generation continue to push our own inner boundaries, understanding our self-worth and pursue the need for change within this world maybe then we can eliminate this need to crucify our own internal insecurities. By focusing on the positives within our communities, introducing programs aiming to develop our youth and educational training we too can change the face of the future.

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Written by K. Parris, Founder and Executive Director

Every week, the team at herDIVAspot will give you a glimpse into some of the issues that we will be tackling with our young girls in our revolutionary program. It is so important to us to be able to reach not just the young girls that we are working with, but young girls throughout the tri state area, as well as their sisters…their mothers…their cousins and their friends.

One of the modules in herDIVAspot is All ages. This module represents the issues that are universal to all ages of girls and young women everywhere. Within this module, one of the topics in the curriculum that we will be discussing at length is identity.  As young women of color, particularly as young African or African American women, we tend to come across issues of personal identity often. We are either criticized for choosing to wear our hair natural or choosing to wear our hair relaxed. We are scolded for being too ethnic in feature or in shape. We are ostracized for being too dark for the mainstream – or being too light in the mainstream.

Two specific instances where this particular issue have come into play both nationally and internationally are with the selection of Beyonce as the “world’s most beautiful woman” and with international South African actress and singer Nomasonto “Mshoza” Mnisi lightening her skin in order to be deemed “more beautiful”. On a national level, People Magazine’s coverage of Beyonce – from her birth to her bounce back as an slim and trim artist – has become fodder for the Beyonce ‘stans’ (stalker style fans) and the Beyonce ‘haters’. With Beyonce, it is either that she is becoming too light to fit the mainstream, that she is only beautiful because of her more European like looks and appearance, or that she is amazingly beautiful and gorgeous BUT not that talented.

With singer Nomasonto “Mshoza” Mnisi, she as an African singer and artist began to make international and online waves when it came to the forefront that she had undergone skin lightening treatments in order to become ‘more beautiful’ and to appeal to her husband. As with Beyonce, the reviews were decidedly mixed: some felt as if Mshoza should be entitled to do whatever she likes – if women can change their hair and their nails and their features, then what is the big deal of changing your skin color? Others feel as if she has a severe identity issue – if you can’t accept your skin coloring as part of what makes you who you are, then what else about you don’t you accept?

In both scenarios, the issue of identity as a woman of color is prevalent, and, when examining the history of where some of these ‘color struck’ issues come from, from the “brown paper bag” theory and beyond, one might wonder why our coloring is still such an issue. We in and of ourselves are a large portion of the problem – we fuel the fodder of the mainstream embracing the lighter hues of us as proof that they are not interested in true women of color, versus being excited that they find us as women of color, any color, to be beautiful. It is not to say, of course, that the mainstream media is not part of the issue, of course, however, we can’t battle the mainstream and battle ourselves simultaneously.

The most important thing for us as women of color is to understand that regardless of whether you are caramel, chocolate, dark chocolate, mocha, mahogany, butter pecan, no matter your coloring, you should be happy with the skin you are in. Once we can absorb and accept that lesson, we can begin to tackle the larger scale problem – making sure that the mainstream understands that our beauty comes in a rainbow hue of brown, and that this rainbow hue of brown is reflected accurately. Moreover, we should aspire to teach our young girls this early on, so that they do not start to look at each other and say that because one is butter pecan with long straight hair, and one is caramel with short, deep curls, and one still is dark chocolate with medium length corkscrew hair, that any one is different or better, or prettier than the other.

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We’re so excited to be gearing up for September 2012! Look out for changes, updates, and information on how your precious girl can become a DIVA!