Here Goes Something

10/2/15

2015-10-02T03:01:00.001-07:00

So, the last few days have been a whirlwind! Still no working phone (I don't want to talk about it, and even if I did, we probably couldn't because I am pretty unreachable for right now) but I moved out of the hostel where I was staying and am now in-between long term housing accomodations. I am staying with a woman named Margarita in a beautiful house just outside of the city. Margarita is a pianist who trained in Berlin, and she has two beautiful pianos that she has let me play. Her house also has an incredible view of Panjim and the surrounding area.

One of the guys who works at this hostel is named Utpal, and we've slowly started becoming friends. We started just with small talk when he was working and I was around the hostel, then I invited him to come to the beach with Sebastian, Laurin and I. And while I really like hanging out with him, and we've become good friends since then, I had some ulterior motives for inviting him with us initially: I figured he would know some good beaches that aren't as frequented by tourists. He did.

It was also really good because I found someone who likes to climb on rocks as much as me.

We had a great time exploring some beaches north of Panjim, and the views at night (my camera didn't nearly do them justice) were stunning.

The only bad part about going to the beach was that Sebastian was the only one out of all of us who had a scooter. So instead of trying to pile four of us on one, Utpal and I took the bus. The next day, however, I resolved to be brave and get a scooter to get around more easily. Surprisingly, driving a scooter in Goa is less anxiety-provoking than trying to hail the bus and jump on before it drives away (they stop on the side of the road for 5 seconds or so before pulling away.)

Now accepting names.

Also accepting names for my helmet, which is not at all fashionable, and its only function seems to be preventing me from getting stopped by the police for not wearing it.

In Seattle, I can remember saying often, "I'm just taking it a day at a time," which really meant, "I'm just trying to make it through today somehow, and then I'll try to survive again tomorrow." The same phrase, "one day at a time," applies to my life right now, but instead of a scramble to just manage, it feels like I have the freedom to really experience all of the beautiful things each day has to offer, without worrying about what comes next, or stressing about deadlines or events in the future. It's been extremely liberating, which I never could have imagined just six months ago.

Today is Mahatma Gandhi Day in India, in celebration of Gandhi's birthday. So here's a picture full of celebration from the Hamara School!

9/25/15

2015-09-26T20:12:00.002-07:00

Despite being a perpetual tourist, today Sebastian and I went to Old Goa, which is one of the most popular tourist attractions in Goa. There are several huge cathedrals that are a few hundred years old, and they are really beautiful. Sebastian also pointed out to me that my awe at the cathedrals is at least somewhat inspired by where I'm from: "Germany is full of these, it's nothing special," he said.

To which I responded, "Montana has more cows than people, but I still get a kick out of the cows here!"

I still laugh at the cows because they often end up in the middle of busy intersections, or on the beach. Sebastian doesn't have to know that doesn't happen in Montana.

The most surprising thing to me was that, while we were among hundreds of tourists at Old Goa, we were almost the only white tourists. It should've occurred to me that in the same way that the US has landmarks that are frequented by American tourists, India of course has places where Indian tourists go for vacation. Another day, another prejudice dismantled...

I think it must be finally time to talk about the driving. One good thing about it, is it is much less restrictive than in the US. One bad thing about it is that it's absolutely terrifying. Cars and motorcycles pass one another on all sides, regardless of center lines, edges of the road, or even the presence of other vehicles. They will drive three cars wide down a two-lane road without a second thought. And they are much more liberal with the use of their horns. They will honk if they think you're going too slowly, if they are going to pass, when they merge, just to say hi, or for no reason at all. It sure is something.

I usually avoid posting photos that I think will keep my mom up at night, but this one (taken from the back of Sebastian's scooter) was just too good. (sorry mom)

9/24/15

2015-09-24T08:42:00.003-07:00

Today I nearly completed the lengthy and complex process that has been trying to get an Indian SIM card for my phone. This has been by far one of the most patience-inspiring undertakings of my life so far, and has required at least an hour (usually more) every day since I've been in India. When I first arrived, I went immediately to the first mobile store I could find, and said I needed an Indian SIM card for my phone. To my surprise, they said I needed to have my passport with me, which was at the hostel where I'm staying. So I went and got my passport, then returned to the store. I was then told that, actually, I needed a copy of my passport to leave with them. This would've been relatively easy, but by this point, I had made the trip from the hostel to the mobile store twice and was soaked in sweat, so I resolved to come back the next day with a copy of my passport and be done. As the universe would have it, and I came to find out in subsequent days, I needed not only a copy of my passport, but also a passport-sized photo (notably more difficult to get than a photocopy of my passport) and a permanent address. The permanent address, I discovered, just meant wandering from store to store until someone would accept a hostel as my permanent address in India.

So today, I practically skipped all the way home with my SIM card in hand, as if it were Christmas day in the 90 degree heat. And in fact, I wasn't even overwhelmingly surprised when I discovered that the SIM card was too big for my phone, and that in fact, even though I had expressed my need for a mico-SIM card and showed the salesman my phone, communication broke down somewhere and I didn't get what I needed. So in what was hopefully my last trip to the mobile store, I was told that I could either complete the process again for another SIM card (no way in hell) or get someone to cut my current SIM down to size. So, because it seems that someone or something out there is perpetually scheming to keep me humble, tomorrow I will go from store to store and see if some merciful soul will cut down my SIM card to the appropriate size. Tonight I will not be sleeping, but will instead be praying the Litany of Saints for twelve hours straight: "All ye holy men and women... pray for me." Not even "us," just "me."

The flute teacher at Child's Play has several cats, and this is the first one we saw when I first met her. I just need to look at it for a moment.

Another exciting thing that happened today was that I finally got all of the luggage that I had brought with me! One of my bags got lost on my overseas flight, so I had been without most of my toiletries for the past few days.What a relief it was to finally have all of my things!

After a refreshing and necessary shave, I went to the beach with Sebastian and Laurin, who are here from Germany volunteering at Child's Play. There are beaches everywhere in Goa, so we took a small roadtrip outside of a Panjim to visit a less busy beach.

It was the perfect, cloudless day - temperatures in the high 80s and water so warm you can run right in.

Just as hoped, we were practically the only ones on the beach. It was a perfect afternoon, and probably just what I needed to finally start to feel settled. There are still some logistical details to be worked out (SIM card, grrrrr; and long-term housing) but it was the first time since I've been here that I just had a chance to breathe.

These are my friends, the Shell family. They're really, honestly, good shells. Not the good-for-nothing kind of shells you read about in the newspaper.

We rented scooters (Sebastian and Laurin called them "motorcycles," but just to be clear, they're closer to the kind of scooter you move by kicking your leg than a motorcycle) and drove all along the water to get to the beach. It was so refreshing to be driving down the highway outside of the city, and maybe the first time since I've been here that I didn't feel sweaty. It was also the first time that I acknowledged how surreal this phase of my life is: I am twenty years old, and I spent the afternoon driving down the coast of India to go to the beach, and tomorrow I will wake up and maybe do the same thing, and also maybe teach some young kids how to sing.

It actually wasn't until we were nearly to the beach when I realized that my scooter's spedometer wasn't working, and it only had one mirror. But what a beautiful moment that was, because who keeps track of that stuff anyway?

9/23/15

2015-09-23T22:48:00.002-07:00

One thing that I didn't know about Goa before I arrived here (there were, actually, a lot of things I didn't know...) is that Goa was inhabited by the Portugese long after most of what is now India had claimed its independence from England in 1947. It wasn't until nearly 15 years later in late 1961 that the new Indian government claimed Goa and the Portugese left without military incident. As was pointed out to me, this was barely fifty years ago, and the remnants of colonial influence are still overt.

Goa is full of beautiful Portugese architecture and bright colored buildings - makes for great morning views!

Besides the architecture, Chryselle (one of the directors of the Child's Play India Foundation, where I am volunteering) pointed out to me that many people still have very mixed feelings about European occupation. Though this is of course not unanimous, people tend to have one of two opinions: either they were happy with the Portugese influence and were disgruntled or worse when India claimed Goa for itself, or they felt the pressures of European occupation and felt liberated by India. These attitudes seem to carry into my interactions with people here in pretty interesting ways. For example, on one of my first days here I was at the beach with Sebastian and Laurin (two German volunteers who I will be working with for the next year) and a small child came up and said hello to us, and started asking us questions. Soon after, the girl's family followed and said to us, "One photo, just one photo!" We ended up taking, in fact, several photos with the entire family as if we were all vacationing together on the beach. Afterward, Sebastian looked at me and said, "Do you feel like a celebrity yet?"

Goa is full of these beautiful, old European-style churches. I was surprised that many people here are devoutly Christian, and religious life (not exclusively Christian) is hugely important to many people.

Before coming to India, I heard time and time again, "India really is so much more than a country - it's a supercontinent that is regionally diverse, with a many different subcultures and influences." I couldn't have understood this until coming to Goa. The India that we see portrayed in the media (film, news stories, television) is definitely present here, but Goa also has its own very distinct personality that seems to be incredible unique.

9/20/15

2015-09-22T05:04:00.004-07:00

Per request from my mom (thanks mom), I finally got my ducks in a row enough to pull together a blog post, so here goes:

I am currently in the Old Quarter Hostel in Panjim, Goa. Today is Sunday and I started traveling from Seattle last Wednesday. Most of the four days of travel a blur at this point: I spent well over twenty hours on a plane, and when I wasn't on a plane I was mostly asleep. In fact, even when I was on a plane.. I was mostly asleep. So I spent a lot of time sleeping, but I will say that since being in India, I've already begun to make up for the lost time.

I wish I could've shown this picture to my high-school self. I never would have imagined I would see this sign in real life!

Before I left, and even within the past few months, I definitely underestimated and over-romanticized the discomfort of traveling alone. I think I felt this for the first time after landing in the New Delhi airport. While I was waiting for my bags, I looked around and saw people with their partners, friends, and children and was forced into realizing how alone I was. Even if I had wanted to text or call someone, I couldn't have because I didn't have phone service yet. I had imagined this moment in my head, and the way it happened in real life was much different than I had dreamt up. Instead of a thrilling, liberating embrace of freedom, what I actually felt was a disjointed cacophony of anxiety, loneliness, and fear.

Luckily for me, these feelings slowly went away. I flew from New Delhi to Mumbai where I stayed one night, and then flew from Mumbai to Goa where I'll be living for most of my time in India. As I've started to become more comfortable with being alone, it's become much easier to ask for help when I need to. This requires more assertion than I am used to, but I'm adjusting. When you're all alone, there's nobody to defer to if there is something you don't want to do, a question you don't want to ask, or a person you don't want to talk to.

The common area in the hostel I'm staying at - it's way fancier than I was expecting for the "backpacking hostel" experience.

Despite the general experience of uneasiness, I am feeling gratified and affirmed by telling myself, "It's okay that this isn't easy." I am grounded in understanding that discomfort accompanies change and growth, and (though maybe I didn't know it at the time) the sense of inhabiting the unknown is what I was looking for when I left home. It had to have been.

I've only been out of the US for four days, but it feels like decades more. In fact, life at home feels like an estranged part of my past that I'm now remembering fondly as some kind of past life. It's as if there were some relationship between geographic and temporal distance that I don't quite understand. And at this point, I've got much better things to do anyway.

This is the incredible view from right outside my window in the morning. Luckily I have moments like this to remind me that things will be just fine here.

7/24/15

2015-07-27T17:51:00.003-07:00

Today, I was teaching Matthayom 3 (the oldest of all the students I teach) and the teacher said to me, "Nicky, when I teach, the girls in the front always answer me and the boys in the back don't talk at all. But when you teach, the boys in the back are the first to answer and the girls hardly say anything! I think the boys must like you more than me." And of course, I had an obligation to say something about it, so I said, "Well, most men find me irresistable."

Today was my last day teaching Matthayom, which allowed consider what I've enjoyed most about teaching them. I think many of them realized that I am very close to them in age, which allowed for a very special and unique relationship between us. They were very patient with me when I couldn't quite explain what I was trying to, and always brought a huge capacity for humor into the classroom. Many of our classes turned into an exchange of Thai and English, where I would teach them words or sentences or grammar in English and they would teach me equivalents in Thai. It turns out that they probably remember much more than me, but I learned a bit along the way. I will always remember their willingness and even eagerness to learn with me, and I am so grateful that they welcomed me into their classroom for the summer.

I also taught my last piano lesson today (do the 'lasts' never end?) which was also bittersweet. As an artist, it has been overwhelmingly gratifying to return to the basics of my craft. It's been so long (at least twelve years, by now..) since I learned the basics of music theory and piano that it felt like some of it I was rediscovering, and falling just as much in love as I did the first time. As much as it was sometimes tedious, teaching piano taught me a lot of patience, and undoubtedly expanded my appreciation for the instrument and the art of playing it.

Two of the girls I taught at the Chinese church. There were about five that I taught all together, in shifts of two to three at a time.

Now that most of my teaching work has mostly concluded, I'm pretty committed to spending this last weekend with the kids at the dormitory. It's starting to set in how much I will miss them and how difficult it will be to leave, but I am so lucky to still have a few days with them!

Jujat (left), Pahet (center) and me. Pahet asked to take a picture, but as soon as the camera comes out he stops smiling...

7/23/15

2015-07-23T04:14:00.003-07:00

Today in Matthayom, we continued work on contractions that we'd started last week. I added a few contractions of "not" (isn't, aren't, can't, don't, and doesn't) and had them work in teams to write sentences on the board. Even though I only took a few years of Spanish in high school, I was pretty grateful for my foreign language study because it helped me predict what things would be difficult for the students to understand. I originally made a huge list of contractions that included words like won't, haven't, and hasn't, but decided to stick to simple words in the present tense. I think if I hadn't had foreign language in high school, I wouldn't have known to make this distinction.

"The taecher isn't from Thailand" - and he's apparently not that great because I still can't spell "teacher."

On the left: "I can't sports." Been there, sister, but we've got plenty of other talents, believe me.

Anyway, some of the sentences they came up with were pretty great, even if they didn't quite realize why they were funny. Among my favorites:

I don't like the cinema. (vaguely pretentious?)
I can't go to Mexico. (unnervingly nonspecific)

And my favorite:

3. I don't understand.

Maybe this was only funny to me, but the irony was overwhelming in the moment.

Tomorrow is my last day with the Matthayom students since we're leaving on Thursday next week, so that will be strange and bittersweet. It will be the first of a few "lasts" and it feels like I just blinked and this whole summer has gone by! But already the pastor at the Chinese church where I teach piano has started saying, "If you decide to come back..." to which I responded, "I will be back."

"Land of Smiles" indeed - even the pigs smile in Thailand!

7/22/15

2015-07-22T06:12:00.001-07:00

I've been asked what my "Not in Kansas Anymore" moments have been, and I've definitely had them. For example, getting off our first plane at the Narita airport in Japan and seeing the majority of signs in languages other than English. However, today I had a similar kind of moment - a "Not a Kid Anymore" moment. Other people have described this kind of moment as the time when you look around to find the "adult" in the room and realize that suddenly and inexplicably it's you.

I was teaching two women in the church tonight - Dada, who lives in the dormitory full time and watches the kids, and Nahe. Nahe and her husband, Modi, live right next to the dormitory and bear the brunt of the responsibility for making sure the kids are clothed and fed. When Dada, Nahe, and I were working, one of the students from the dormitory came in and said that Adjaliat had fallen and split his head. We rushed out and found him standing in the grass outside the dormitory, not crying despite the blood that had dripped down the side of his face and his neck. The gash in his head was about an inch long and a quarter of an inch wide, but had bled a decent amount in the time it took us to get there.

Once we had gotten him inside, Dada was washing it with alcohol when she asked me, "Do you have anything?" I said, "I have some gauze and antiseptic wipes that we could use..." Then, without hesitating she asked, "Can you stitch it?" And damn my inflated ego if I didn't think about it for an instant before saying, "No way." So instead, we cut his hair with sterile scissors (good call, Nicky) and clumsily taped a gauze pad over the cut. He didn't cry once the entire procedure, and I kept saying, kengreng mak ma! (very strong!) but every time he just rolled his eyes at me.

I can distinctly remember as a child admiring how adults always knew what they were doing, or at least played it off pretty well if they didn't. I thought, "Someday I'll be an adult and it will be so cool to know everything." Well, adulthood came on pretty fast and I feel like I live in a suspended state of, "I sure hope these people buy that I know what I'm doing..." It helps when the kids around you don't speak your language, so when you say, "I have no idea what to do," they can assume you said, "Pass me my scalpel."

Besides the excitement at night, it was another very full day for me. Yesterday, the Prathom English teacher asked me if I could teach Prathom 6 on Wednesdays and Thursdays, which I was very excited to do. They're the oldest group of Prathom students I get to work with and we had a blast today learning the names of foods. I brought in some food I picked up around the village and we did a supermarket roleplay which was really fun for me and (I hope) them.

The students writing and saying the name of the food item they ended up with. Some were easier than others!

It was a little bit embarassing to go to a store in the village and ask to buy one egg, but there's not much I could do with a whole dozen. I had seriously considered also asking for one piece of bread, but by that time my shame had overcome my desire to be a number-one hit teacher.

Soda, chips, egg, cake, noodles, coffee and soup... not exactly an exhaustive collection of foods, but it was enough!

Finally, today marked the beginning of our last week in Huai Nam Khun which feels like it can't possibly be real. Sure enough, as soon as I'm finally settling into a comfortable rhythm it's nearly time to pack up and go home. But, luckily, not yet! This last week is bound to be full of surprises and I'm ready to dive into every day!

Can't believe I've made it this long without posting a picture of the one goat in Huai Nam Khun. Cheers, goat.

7/21/15

2015-07-21T18:28:00.002-07:00

Today in Prathom 4, we learned words that describe our bodies. It was mostly a review for them, but I taught them some new words they didn't know as well, like "shoulder" and "eye." We had a blast singing "Heads, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes" and even the older ones really participated. It was so fun!

One thing I've learned is how much flexibility is required to be an effective teacher. I spend a few hours every week figuring out what I will teach in both Prathom and Matthayom that week. I try to teach the same basic things to each group (one lesson for all of Prathom, and one lesson for all of Matthayom) but their skill levels vary so much that it's impossible to teach exactly the same material. For example, when I realized yesterday that the students knew what the body words sounded like, but couldn't read or write them, I skipped much of what I had planned to do and had them label stick figures on the board so they could practice associating the groups of letters with their meanings. I've learned that the students can in fact read much better than I thought. They are good at sounding out words, which surprised me, but they often don't know how well they can read, and need some insistent nudging to actually do it.

In the afternoons, I teach piano at a Chinese church down the road from where we're staying. I've been teaching the pastor's two daughters consistently, and a few other students will straggle in every once in a while. I've been a little bit conflicted about the best approach to teaching piano because I'm only here for a short time. Many of the people I'm teaching are interested in learning to play one specific song or two, and usually it's pretty challenging (the girls at the Chinese church wanted to learn a hymnal version of "Amazing Grace"). If I were their teacher long-term, I would say that they need to really learn the basics first and eventually work up to more challenging pieces. However, since I'm only their teacher for a few weeks at most, we've compromised: I teach them a crash-course on reading music and give them enough tools so they can keep learning once I leave, and then we try and tackle the harder music as best as we're able. To my surprise, it's been going very well and they are learning quickly. I even gave away my copy of Chopin's Nocturne No.1 in E Minor which I once swore I would never give to a beginning piano student - oh well!

One crazy thing - it's been raining here a LOT. After a string of hot, sunny, cloudless days at the beginning of the trip, Armand and I joked about the "rainy season" but for the past few days it's felt like entire rivers are falling from the sky. Patrick and I tried to get some pictures or video to capture what it's like, but none so far have done it justice. I've never experienced rain like it in my life. It comes on very suddenly, but it can keep going for hours. I will never again complain about the subdued drizzle we get in Seattle, compared to this. In Thai, there are three useful phrases for describing the rain:

phon-tok: It's raining
phon-tok mak ma: It's raining a lot.
phon-tok mak ma mak ma: It's raining A LOT a lot.

This is the best picture I have, and it doesn't even really capture how much it actually pours.

I keep waiting for the "honeymoon period" to end, but it hasn't yet. It still feels like each day I feel more at home, and I catch myself finding great joy in very small accomplishments. For example, yesterday morning I thought, "Congratulations, Nicky, you've showered three days in a row!" Or "Great work, you successfully asked, 'What is that?' in Thai." In Huai Nam Khun, it feels easy to inhabit each day, one at a time, and find the joy that is hiding inside, just waiting to be let out.

PS look at this fresh tilapia we had for dinner last night!

7/20/15

2015-07-20T07:14:00.003-07:00

The Thai education system is divided into three basic levels: early elementary, Prathom, and Matthayom. Prathom is late elementary and early middle school, and the students are usually 7-12 years old. Matthayom is late middle to high school, and the students are 12-18 years old. These groups are further divided into more concentrated groups based on age (Prathom/Matthayom 1, 2, 3, etc.) I teach Prathom Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday, and I teach Matthayom on Thursday and Friday.

At the beginning of every class, one student says to the entire class, "Stand up please." Then, the students and I have a dialogue that goes like this:

Students: Good morning, teacher.
Me: Good morning students, how are you?
Students: I'm fine, thank you, and you?
Me: I'm (insert different adjective everyday), thank you! Please sit down.
Students: Thank you, teacher.

Today was a serious example of "the Mondays". The students did not want to talk or be in class (the two on the left side of the screen are just blatantly ignoring me), and as a result we had to go over their responses again. It was actually good, because it gave me another chance to reinforce ending consonant sounds, which are very difficult for all of the students. I spend a lot of time repeating consonant sounds like v, l, and th, because these sounds are very different in Thai than in English.

The Prathom classes are much harder for me to connect with, mostly because they don't know very much English, and they hardly understand sentences at all. My Thai isn't good enough for me to consistently communicate what I'm trying to teach, and if they don't understand what I'm saying then I lose their focus immediately. They are at times very rowdy, and usually won't even pretend to pay attention if they're not. If they're not interested in what I'm saying, they will get up and talk to one another, or even run around the room. In fact, until today, I didn't even know how to say "sit down" or "be quiet" in Thai, so getting them to focus has been a huge challenge.

In Prathom, I make them actually grab their tongues to make the l and th sounds, otherwise they really struggle to imitate me.

With their teacher's advice, I've been working on ways to be more engaging with them. They respond really well to games and activities, but if I have them sitting and listening for too long then they get bored quickly. The thing that has surprised me the most is how much they actually retain from the games that we play. I mentioned last week about the games I had played with the other Prathom groups, and I taught those games for the last time today. What I noticed was that at the beginning of class, after I had taught the shapes and quizzed them for about twenty minutes, almost none of them could name a shape that I drew on the board. However, once we started playing and they knew they were competing against one another (even though there was no prize for winning!) they all learned to recognize, spell, and speak the names of the shapes. In fact, after I had explained the game we would play, they asked me to teach the names of the shapes one more time, and then, as if by magic, they suddenly knew them. This was frustrating, but also very encouraging because it means that they can learn a lot, very quickly, if I'm able to teach them in ways that make them interested. I wonder if I was as frugal and economical a student as they are.

Even when the teaching is exceedingly frustrating, I've been able to really appreciate the small victories. I try to set up the games so that I can have at least a few seconds with each student individually to work on pronunciation. So far, I've been amazed each time at how well they respond when it's just me and them, and how suddenly they mature under pressure. And no matter what happens during class, they all greet me outside of the classroom, even waving or shouting at me from across the courtyard ("Teacher, folung, teacher, folung!") Their smiles and laughter are infectious, and are an almost constant reminder to not take myself so seriously and really appreciate each moment here.

It's not quite the Big Sky.. but it does the trick.

7/19/15

2015-07-20T02:45:00.006-07:00

Even in Thailand, the weekends seem to just fly by! This one was gone in the blink of an eye, though we had plenty of time for relaxing and downtime before diving back into the week. On Saturday afternoon, the kids left at the dormitory made planters out of repurposed plastic waterbottles. They're now decorating the outside of the dormitory, and definitely help to give it some much-needed character.

Look how cute they are!

On Sunday, going to church is mostly an all-day event. The Lahu church (next door to where we are staying) has four services on Sundays. Their first service is for men only, at 6:30 in the morning, and you can bet I didn't make it up in time to be there. Then there is a service for women only at 8. All people are invited to worship at 10:30 and 3:30. Notably, all of the services are run on "Thai-time," so 10:30 becomes "10 or 11:30, maybe noon." A bell rings that signals "we'll probably start in ten minutes or half an hour.. roughly." While Patrick and I had to learn about Thai-time mostly by experience, it's something that I think I adjusted to easily, and that I could certainly get used to. It's also representative of the laid-back mindset that people here bring to their daily lives, which I am falling helplessly in love with.

My church homies - Jujat (center), and Anunjai (left)

At the Lahu church, the services are very much a community activity. There is no removed space for children - young people of all ages, from teens to babies are brought to every service. This results in a pretty constant hum of voices and movement that carries through the entire 90-ish minute service. In the 10:30 service yesterday, though it was my second time attending, many of the younger children seemed to notice me for the first time. They would come up while someone was speaking and either just stare at me, or climb up onto my lap for a minute or so before returning to their parents or to just run around.

Though I couldn't understand anything that was said (the service is done entirely in Lahu, not even in Thai, in which I could probably pick out bits and pieces by this point), the congregation was gracious in showing me the right page in the hymnal, or sharing the readings with me. They were very outgoing - many people introduced themselves to me and were excited to shake my hand after the service. After attending the 10:30 and the 3:30 service, I felt very welcomed and I was so thrilled that they were willing to share their worship with me.

I will never post enough pictures of the landscape here. The mountains are too incredible for words or pictures.

7/16/15

2015-07-18T04:31:00.002-07:00

One of my favorite things about teaching English at the Huai Nam Khun school is that the students are hugely respectful of teachers. Whenever I'm walking through the school's courtyard, students stop and give what the Thai people call a "wai." It's a sign of respect that is often exchanged in greetings. The wai is done by putting your palms flat against one another in front of your chest, or with your fingertips touching your nose for the highest respect, and bowing. Even though I've tried to get them to call me Nicky, they call me "teacher."

My favorite class to teach - this is Matthayom 3, the oldest of the students I'm with.

My favorite representation of this respect is that I get snacks and drinks while teaching! Around the middle of class, students will bring small snacks like crackers or small fruits, and coffee. Most importantly, it didn't take too long for me to figure out that my coffee somehow gets refilled when I drink it. Even if I'm watching and paying attention... it's like magic. There's always coffee! What a life.

On Friday they noticed how much coffee I drank and just brought me two cups.

Even though I was sort of committed to not doing it, I ended up doing laundry yesterday. Just like I had finally forced myself to take a couple cold showers, I was testing myself to see how long I could really hold out before doing it. With my last pair of shorts covered in mud from a game of frisbee (all the kids against me...) I decided it was time.

Hope my grandma sees this clothesline job - she would be proud!

What a week it was back in Huai Nam Khun! I'm looking forward to some relaxation this weekend and then a full week of teaching again next week!

Photo credit: Adjaliat, whose hands weren't quite big enough to reach all the way around my phone...

These are my peeps, and their awe of the selfie camera will never end.

7/15/15

2015-07-15T22:43:00.000-07:00

Being back in the village has meant leaving behind many of the comforts that are available in more developed areas.

I forgot to ever post some pictures of the toilets - so here's one...

Despite this, when I got back to Huai Nam Khun and was greeted by shouts and cheers of my name (they finally learned it and don't call me "foreign" anymore except to tease me) I was really struck by how luxurious life here is. I even hesitate to try and fit this lifestyle into a narrative that is centered around materialism and possessions, but I don't really know any other way to describe it. In Huai Nam Khun, I've been afforded luxuries I haven't had my entire life - the luxury of unburdened conversation, the luxury of hurry-free work, the luxury of time. In Huai Nam Khun, silence is as much a part of a conversation as the talking, and what an incredible gift that is.

This is a hard-boiled quail egg. They're little but very delicious, or, in Thai - aroy mak ma!

Yesterday, when I thought I was being invited to help with chores (I've been trying to get them to let me help since we got here), I found out I was actually being challenged to a contest of who could split the most wood the fastest. My challengers were Pahet (14) and Aitee (12). As I strutted over with my chest puffed out, and they counted, "1, 2, 3.. go!" I was thinking, "This will be fine, I've got at least 6 years, upper-body strength, and my wits against them. I'm a Montana boy!" The way it turned out reminds me of a word I learned in AP English - hubris: a hero's pride that leads to their downfall. I lost by a lot. In my defense, they gave me the axe that kept falling apart, but that isn't even much of a defense because they beat me pretty badly.

My friend Dada and I learning about pesticides at the Huai Nam Khun clinic!

Since returning from Chiang Mai, I've felt a really strong connection with the students at the school. I'd had a difficult time connecting to some of the classes, especially the younger ones, where the language barrier was more of a problem. At the end of a lesson or the introduction to a game, I would say, "Khun jai mai?" (Do you understand?) and if they said no, then I would be stuck. But now, as we've become more familiar with eachother (my Thai has improved a little, and they've gotten used to the way a native English speaker talks) classes are running much more smoothly and are even fun. Yesterday in Prathom (the younger, intermediate English) I taught the names of shapes: triangle, square, circle, and star. We played several telephone-esque games where they split into teams and then drew shapes on eachothers backs, and then one person had to write it on the board and say its name. Their teachers have emphasized that it's most important for me to speak with them to help them speak to one another, which has given me a lot of flexibility to play fun games.

This is Villapun, on whom I have a huge friend-crush and who asked me to teach him "Don't Stop Believin'"

In Mattayom (older, more advanced students) today we started working on contractions. I started with contractions of am, is and are (I'm, it's, she's, he's, we're, they're). When I had them write sentences using contractions in groups, they quickly figured out how to make me say things that would make them laugh, like, "She's the smartest student at school," or "They're my favorite students," or most notably, "I am a very beautiful girl."

Each day here is full of surprises and laughter. In fact, at the end of each day it becomes harder and harder to realize that someday I will have to leave. Not yet, though!

7/10/15

2015-07-15T00:00:00.004-07:00

This weekend, we took a brief excursion to Chiang Mai. After almost two weeks without a shower, I was starting to feel like some kind of pastry with a nice coating of sweat and dirt. The worst (or best, actually) part about it was that I was slowly getting used to it. Needless to say, the first shower was appreciated, and I came out feeling like a new man.

The sunsets in Chiang Mai - 10/10

Compared to the first time we were in Chiang Mai, we had much more free time and were much more comfortable navigating the city. Ivvie and I visited several temples in the Old City as well as some shops and restaurants.

The partially restored Wat Chedi Luang is one of the most popular sites in Chiang Mai. It was mostly destroyed by an earthquake in the 16th century, but is still a huge feat of architecture and construction.

We stopped at a Buddhist museum and library that Buddhist artwork from as early as the twelfth century.

Maybe my favorite piece of artwork that we saw - almost everything in the museum was gold plated and incredibly beautiful

While all of these places and monuments were certainly "tourist hubs," there was plenty of space and allowance for a lot of appreciation and some deep reflection about the spiritual nature of the places we visited.

And as much as the life in Chiang Mai is much more fast-paced than in Huai Nam Khun, the downtime in the village definitely prepared me to really be able to take in the experiences back in the city.

Most of the temples we visited have these signs all around the outside - passing on valuable Buddhist wisdom.

When we were walking back to our hotel, Ivvie and I were kind of flagged down by a monk in a courtyard named Jittragon. He was 17 years old, and had been a monk for 4 years. Despite having studied English for only a year, we talked for over an hour about his life as a monk, his education, his goals, and shared plenty about the same things in America. To me, it really seemed like cultural exchange in the most literal sense. Each of us seemed to share what we thought were the most memorable or significant parts about daily life in our respective country. Certainly, there were a lot of differences, but plenty of similarities too. Talking to Jittragon was the most memorable experience for me in Chiang Mai. He was closest to my age out of all the people we've met here, and I really appreciated talking with him and getting to know him, even if it was on a superficial level.

An obligatory, a little bit awkward, picture of us with Jittragon.

On our last night, Ivvie and I returned to the night market for some shopping and dinner. We ended up stumbling upon some live music - it was a cover band that covered late 90's, early 2000's American hits. They played Alannis Morisette, Maroon 5, Coldplay, Colbie Calliat.. and DANG were they good! It was the perfect bit of nostalgia to end our time in Chiang Mai. What a fantastic weekend!

I even found my new favorite coffee shop in the world - I really had the best latte I've ever had, and sat to read for almost 3 hours. Bliss!

7/4/15

2015-07-04T19:36:00.001-07:00

Since arriving in Huai Nam Khun, the days have flown by and I have been kind of lax about posting updates. Here is a project update that I submitted to SU yesterday:

Hello from Huai Nam Khun, Thailand! I thought now was an appropriate time to check in as today marks the end of our first week in the village! It is incredible how quickly I found myself adjusting to life here. In fact, I feel like I've been here for weeks if not months - definitely more than just seven days.

The area where we are staying (a mountain side several hours north of Chiang Mai, just south of the Myanmar border) has about 5,000 people spread out in several different villages. There are many churches, as well as the Huai Nam Khun Wittaya School, which serves students from kindergarten age all the way through age 18. We are living about 5 minutes away from the school by foot, where there is a dormitory that houses orphan children and kids who live too far away to commute to school every day. They stay at the dormitory during the week and go home to their families on the weekends. The dormitory also has a farm located maybe ten or fifteen miles away where some of the kids go to work on the weekends. They raise fish, pigs, chickens, and grow avocados and some other vegetables.

They also also catch snails to eat. Not my favorite meal I've eaten here, but they were fun to cook!

For a little bit of context, I'll just briefly describe our project here - it's seen some significant transformation since our arrival, and even my understanding of it has definitely changed. One goal we have is to assist with the "development" of Huai Nam Khun (this village we're staying in) to more comprehensively and sustainably meet its needs. I'm intentionally defining this very ambiguously because it has required a lot of flexibility and adjustment in collaboration with people who actually live here. This part of the project has been going on since 2005 and has accomplished a variety of things including the construction of a bridge, a dormitory, and the installation of several water filtration systems, and more. This year, we had originally planned the construction of an aquaponics system, but when we arrived it seemed like there might be some more effective ways to use the resources available. Besides the aquaponics system, we're also working to make sure that the maximum number of people have access to clean, healthy water.

The second part of the project (and the part that I'm involved in) is to meet and spend time with the people here. To me, though my experience is limited, this has to be the heart of international "development," and especially global sustainability. This work is intensely grounded in expanding the scope of our collective, global understanding of our world. Access to clean water is important and green energy is important; but what we need most desperately and immediately is relationships with one another. We need the shared experiences - the shared laughter and shared silence - that demonstrate our attempts (however clumsy they often then out to be) to understand one another.

My view when I wake up in the morning. I've experienced few times as peaceful as waking up with the sun and sitting here to read first thing in the morning.

To this end, Ivvie and I have been working at the school here in classrooms that teach English. The teachers and students have all been extremely gracious in welcoming us into their classrooms to share some of our language. I've been trying to pick up some Thai as well, and the younger students never tire of reciting the Thai alphabet with me over, and over... and over. I am a very slow learner.

The view just passing the area where we are staying. The white building is the church where Ivvie and I teach piano.

We also came with the intention of teaching some piano skills at a church. It turns out many of the people here already play piano, and in fact have their own unique method for notating music. It has been exciting to learn their notation and to share some of ours as well.

This last week has been full of learning and laughter and I can't wait for the weeks ahead!

Most importantly, one of the many people out to get my heart. They're all succeeding - how could I resist?

6/28/15

2015-06-28T05:41:00.001-07:00

Today was our first full day in the village. Yesterday we left Chiang Mai and spent the day driving here. It has been a little bit of an adjustment. They have electricity and cell phone service here (for the most part), but the plumbing is very basic. No showers. Maybe don't ask about the toilets.

The kids were thrilled to see us, after some initial apprehension. There are maybe 30 or 40 kids in the immediate area where we are staying and HuaiNam Khun school serves about 800. They have a lot of energy. It has also been retry strange to have a completely language breakdown with them. Many don't even speak Thai, they speak a native language called Lahu. Last night, though, we were able to play cards for a few hours. They taught me a game kind of like Go Fish and I taught them slapjack.

Time is also very different here. The sun sets around 7 PM and rises at about 4:30 AM. Because the electric lighting is so minimal, life is pretty much dictated by this schedule. The lifestyle is either very laid back and slow, or very high energy and quick (mostly with the kids). The food is fantastic. We have about the same thing for every meal - rice, a green vegetable like peas or cucumbers, and a protein that is usually either beef or tofu. The watermelon has seeds here.

While a lot has been different and required adjustment, I am slowly but surely falling in love. The air is clean and crisp, the views are perpetually breathtaking, and the people are gentle and kind. It has been a huge gift to sit and talk with the few English speakers , and even to muddle through a conversation with those who don't speak English. I hope to keep learning as much as I have in the past few days, because they have been full of gifts.

6/26/15

2015-06-26T17:46:00.001-07:00

Today we visited the Doi Suthep temple, which is about ten miles outside of Chiang Mai. The temple is a major tourist attraction and is considered a holy site by many Thai people. Its construction was originally mandated in the 14th century, and since then it has become a huge and stunning monument for both Thailand and Buddhism.

The road leading up to Doi Suthep is long and steep. As the temple gets closer, the road is lined with flags and other small temples as well as many smaller monuments.

At the top of the road, there is a market that sells food, clothing, prayer aids, and almost anything anyone could want while visitng Doi Suthep.

The temple overlooks the city of Chaing Mai - and the view is expansive and gorgeous. It feels like you are on top of the world!

My words fail to really capture the profundity of exploring Doi Suthep. Reaching the temple proper requires climbing about 400 steps, after diving about 20 minutes up a steep mountain road outside of the city.

The steps to the main temple at Doi Suthep are long, and the trees at the top hide the temple from view below. In fact, while the temple offers some incredible views of the city below, it's difficult or impossible to see the temple from anywhere outside.

For me, it really felt like I was entering a different world, or at least some kind of movie. It was lke a tidal wave of history, culture and spirituality. Even despite some aspects of blatant commercialism, I felt extremely grateful to be allowed into a place that is such a landmark for the Thai people.

Once you reach the top of the stairs, the entrance to the temple completely opens up and is absolutely breathtaking.

Shoes are not allowed inside of the temple, and for some reason I felt very vulnerable taking off my shoes before going in. It is very humbling to stand in a group of strangers as you all remove your shoes to prepare to enter the temple. You also were required to keep you head below any monks that were in the area, which meant you had to keep your head down a lot of the time. I felt very small. In fact, my time overall at the temple made me feel beautifully insignificant in the expanse of all human experience. It was like being a drop of water in the ocean of human history and stories.

Inside the main chamber of the temple.

The market outside the temple sells candles and flowers which can be burnt and left inside the temple.

The main chamber of the temple is surrounded by murals and statues where people will kneel and pray.

Outside the main chamber of the temple, there are other buildings where monks live, and others designated only for meditation and prayer.

There are countless trails that spread out from the main chamber of the temple, and as soon as you leave the temple you are reminded of the lushness and greenness of the Thai landscape. The trees are huge and ubiquitous.

Though I try to live through the Ignatian mantra of finding God in all things, I've experienced only a few places and moments in my life when I've felt a resolving ease of mind about the divine. For just a brief moment of time, the work of reaching for an authentic spiritual existence melts away and what's left is peace and clarity about myself and my relationship with the world. At Doi Suthep, this manifested in the constant reminder that I was a guest in a place that was certainly not my own. There is a fine line (that I don't make any claims to understand) between appreciation of a place and the exploitation of that place for purposes that can tarnish its value to those who created it. Because of this, I felt called to a deep place of gratitude for the allowance of being a guest, and especially the possibility that I might have been uninvited in the first place. I am thankful to have seen and explored Doi Suthep, and I will carry it with me in my heart for the rest of my life.

6/25/15

2015-06-25T18:55:00.002-07:00

Before I came to Thailand, several people described it as "The Land of Smiles." This is an appropriate name, but doesn't quite capture the scope of what it's describing. I've come up with a name that I think fits better: "The Land Where Literally Everyone Smiles At You, No Matter Where You're At Or What You're Doing." We spent a lot of time driving around Chiang Mai today to buy supplies for the aquaponics, and it seems like everywhere we went people were greeting us with the biggest smiles imaginable. In stores, on the sidewalk - people even smiled at us while we were in the car. I was completely blown away by how friendly people are here.

This is guava juice. It looks like it's from a sci-fi movie, but tastes good!

Specifically, we met up with a man named Supakit who has been involved with facilitating our work in Huai Nam Khun for a long time. He drove us around, and also invited us into his home when we finished shopping. Uncontestedly, the best part of the day was meeting Supakit's newborn baby (14 days old!). Supakit and his wife were overwhelmingly gracious and kind and it was such a gift to meet and talk with them. Thank you!

An obligatory Nicky-with-his-tongue-out photo

Action shot!

An even more important action shot - discussing solar panels and greenhouses for the aquaponics project!

After a pretty tiring day, we headed back to the hotel and pretty quickly to the massage spa. We all agreed to step out of our comfort zone a little bit and do an ambiguous "full body scrub." ("Do we have to be like... all the way naked?") It doesn't take too much imagination to think up some of the hilarious moments involving a language barrier while you are completely naked. ("Yeah... I took off my pants and she just started laughing!")

Chiang Mai is full of these older-looking buildings that are really stunning - it is certainly not the concrete jungle that other cities of its size have become.

In some ways it feels like we've been in Chiang Mai for more than just two days. This city is really alive, bustling with interesting people and full of interesting places. Tomorrow we will hopefully have some free time to really explore the city and do some of the touristy things we haven't had a chance to do yet. Until then!

Did I forget to mention the happy hour?

6/24/15

2015-06-24T17:49:00.000-07:00

Today we had our last flight (at least for a couple weeks). It's a good thing too; I don't think I could've done another flight. I felt like I was going to turn into Mr. Potato Man with my limbs just laying on the ground. We flew from Bangkok to Chiang Mai, which was a nice easy, less-than-an-hour flight.

Some artistic expression at the Bangkok airport

The first thing we saw after landing were the mountains, and the view took my breath away. Growing up in a place named after it's mountains, I can safely say I have never seen anything like them. Not miles from the airport were the lushest, greenest, fullest mountains I have ever seen. I keep having “Not in Kansas anymore” moments, and this was definitely one of them. I can’t wait to spend some time exploring outside the city in the next few weeks.

The view from our hotel room. We're on the 16th floor, and can see for miles, even though there is plenty to see right here..

Since we arrived in Bangkok yesterday, there’s one thing we’ve all been anxiously waiting for: the massages. Our hotel has a massage clinic and a spa (#highrollers) so we were pretty quick to make our way there. An hour-long massage costs 300 Baht (a little less than 10 USD) and let me tell you: there are few things more satisfying after two days of flying than an hour-long Thai massage. It may have been a little rough at times, but the end result is that you feel like a superhero. The massage ladies laughed at us as we took our selfies in the clothing we had to wear, and were gracious when we (mostly me) didn’t know how to sit or lay on the mats. Overall, a fantastic experience. Quoth Armand, “We should probably go back every hour for the next four days. Do they have rates for the whole day?”

#massageselfie

After the sun goes down, Chiang Mai has a thriving night market that sells pretty much everything you could imagine: clothes, furniture, electronics, sculptures, instruments… you name it. There’s live music and food (“This is exactly the kind of food they said definitely not to eat, but it smells so good!”) and it was full of people. We spent a few hours shopping and exploring before heading in to swim before bed.

Day one in Chiang Mai was a huge success!

6/23/15

2015-06-23T11:41:00.000-07:00

It's currently 8:30 PM Bangkok time, which is 4:30 AM in Seattle. I've been on a plane since noon yesterday, for a total of sixteen hours, including a two-hour layover in Japan. When we got off the plane, it was more jarring than I expected seeing most signs written in languages other than English. At first, it was isolating and scary, but once I got used to not seeing English it was liberating. It is totally new, and at least a little bit thrilling.

Besides leaving the US to spend six weeks in a different country, two things of note happened today: the first is that I taught a literature professor how to send a text message when he sat next to me on the flight out of Seattle. He was very friendly, and though I never learned his name we talked a lot about his career and his education. About twenty minutes before we landed in Japan, he said to me, "You seem to be pretty idealistic - do you think most people from your generation are that way?" After clarifying what he meant by idealistic (optimistic, energized) I said, "I think I would rather imagine it that way than the alternative."

The other notable thing that happened was that our plane to Bangkok hit some pretty rough turbulence and had one drop that was about 20 feet. People had started screaming and were out of their seats, and I ended up holding hands with the lady sitting next to me. I wish I could say she initiated; it was definitely me.

Before getting on the plane out of Seattle, I finally had the thought, "I am making a huge mistake." I knew it would come eventually, but I was unprepared for the feeling of total doubt that I had about the next year of my life.

"Disabused by our illusions by much travel and travail, we awaken one day to find that the sacred center is here and now -- in every moment of the journey, everywhere i the world around us, and deep within our own hearts."

- Parker Palmer

Despite this period of despair and doubt, I am grounded by the belief that this year of my life will be a pilgrimage of the soul, of sorts -- perhaps without a grand epiphany about the nature of things, but undoubtedly full of moments and wonder and awe waiting to be discovered.

I've spent the last week really thinking about what my hopes are for the next year. It has been difficult. Without the structure of academic life, how does one set goals? What do I aim for if not good grades, a full resume, and (just) enough sleep?

I hope to really live like a child again. I notice my own "adulthood" most profoundly in the pressure to be unamazed by new information and experiences. There is perhaps comfort in being unimpressed with the world, but there is no wonder in that. Children, however, are expected to know little and be in awe of a lot, and that is exactly what I want to be.

"We become so accustomed to you

we no longer look up

when your shadow falls over the book we are reading

and makes it glow. For all things

sing you: at times

we just hear them more clearly."

- Rilke

If there was a time in my life when I thought I was ready to hear, it is now.