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Trick or Treat?

jennifer — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 01:12:05 +0000

A very jazzed 6-year old Stormtrooper getting a fever on Friday night. Trick.

Fever magically not returning for 24-hours, therefore Stormtrooper getting the green light to go trick or treating. Treat.

Being convinced by your husband to dress up like Chewbacca, only to fall down the last few hall stairs while attempting to adjust mask. Trick.

Having the strength to catch yourself before taking a header through the screen door and therefore not having to go to the ER dressed as a fur ball. Treat.

“Ariel” deciding with much conviction, just as the sun is setting, that she doesn’t want to be Ariel after all. Trick.

Ariel promoting herself from mermaid princess to “King” thanks to a shiny gold cape found in the bottom of the dress-up box. Treat.

Enjoying a warm and balmy night, with a good breeze, crunching leaves underfoot and a full, spooky moon. Treat.

Cursing the new computer due to unfamiliarity and difficulty of downloading and emailing Halloween pics of the kids to Grammy and Bah in Texas. Trick.

Husband patiently fixing software issue, as usual. Treat.

Eating ONLY TWO pieces of candy out of the kid’s loot. Treat of epic proportions (to ensure that certain body proportions do not become more epic than they already are).

Feeling sad to have to put costumes and pumpkins away. Trick.

Realizing it was pretty much a picture perfect Halloween and feeling like one lucky Wookie. Treat.

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H1N-What?

jennifer — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 15:14:50 +0000

So the other night we decided to bite-the-inoculation-bullet so to speak and we took the kids to the flu shot clinic at our pediatrician’s office.

My husband left work early to pick up the kids and I (it’s never a bad idea to have reinforcements when there’s shots involved) so that we’d arrive plenty early for the 6pm – 8pm flu clinic window.

And when we drove up we were greeted by a line that was already halfway around the block.

Now this was not just a line, like at the DMV, where you can spend your time slurping on an ice coffee, checking out the fab shoes on the girl in front of you, or checking your Blackberry incessantly.

Oh no.

This was a line of tired parents on a chilly October night, each with at least one toddler in tow, who by the minute were getting colder, hungrier, and more bored. But much to our surprise, the line managed to stay quite civil and the staff was a well-oiled flu clinic machine. Clipboards and forms were flying down the line with fantastic efficiency, although I would agree with my husband’s suggestion that it would have been much more festive if the nurse handing out the clipboards did so dressed as a swine. It is almost Halloween after all.

As the line finally snaked into the heated lobby, a gentleman carrying a big cooler scooted around us into the office for a pick-up. Now he was probably picking up the day’s lab samples of various body fluids for testing (eww!). But I personally think it would also have lightened the mood if there were say, a case of beer in there. But during our 1 1/2 hours wait we did manage to have some quality family time, during which I learned that my son knows the hand-clapping rhyme “Miss Mary Mac” (!?!) so we practiced it a few times.

Then as the line got shorter, and we got closer to the moment of truth, my conviction waivered.

Should we be getting this vaccination?
Mist?
Shot?
Seasonal?
H1N1?!
Parents in line were having similar moral dilemmas as to what to do…I even saw one couple squabbling over it.

But when it was our turn, we talked to the nurse, got a game plan, got our stickers and headed into the office. Then the most wonderful, patient and pretty nurse I’d ever met, “Melissa,” managed the daunting task of giving both of our uncooperative children a seasonal flu mist squirt up the nose, and an H1N1 shot in the arm. And despite the late hour, the very long line, and the tiny examining room with all of us crammed in it, she remained perfect cheerful, patient and caring as my son made me “practice” on his arm three times by pinching it really hard. And finally, when for the fourth time he yelled, “but I’m not ready yet!!!”, I gave her the knowing nod, hugged (restrained) him tight in my lap with his left bicep exposed out of his Star Wars t-shirt, and she went for it.

He yelped.

Our little ballerina (she still had her tutu on from class) whimpered in the corner.

So after the ordeal, I thanked Melissa for a job well done and we made a hasty exit and headed for our favorite cozy Italian restaurant down the street – the very restaurant that I went into labor with our son. As we sat there eating pasta, I thought about how it’s these little moments that you just don’t think about when you’re pregnant…or more specifically, when you start having contractions midway through a plate of eggplant parm.

Back then the idea of having a baby was about the right diapers, a good stroller and sleeping through the night. And it’s just not that simple anymore. It’s amazing, wonderful, scary and ovewhelming. And now they have their own opinions and likes and dislikes and I can’t control the environment around them 24/7 anymore…And I just hope and pray we make the right choices for them, medical or otherwise, most of the time.

I’ve talked to friends about this whole flu shot thing, I’ve read, debated, fretted, web searched, facebooked and chatted about it. The whole thing is quite daunting. But when my son asked me how the shot worked, I told him it’s kind of like putting a super shield inside his body that will help fight off the flu that could make him sick and feel really, really yucky.

He liked that analogy, and so did I.

It’s so hard to know sometimes if you’re protecting your kids too little or too much. You just have to weigh all the options and sometimes, decide to give it a shot.

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8 Days

jennifer — Wed, 30 Sep 2009 23:59:55 +0000

This post is dedicated to Tina.

It’s been 8 days since you left us Matty.

I’m sitting here alone in my house. And it’s so quiet. And I’m thinking of you. And I’m thinking of your mom and your dad and your brother and your sister and your aunts and uncles and cousins and grandparents.

I am thinking how sad they are. How sad we all are, that you are in heaven.

I’m thinking of last Wednesday morning when I woke up early, looked out the window at the beautiful sunrise and the streaks of light across the sky…and I sensed that you were up there.

And I cried really hard.

I am wondering if I ever passed you on the playground, or saw you at school when you were there with your mom to pick up your brother. I’ve seen pictures of your sweet face. But I wish I’d had the chance to know you, to hug you.

So many of us lit a candle for you last week. We spent a lot of time hugging, and crying and asking why.

We still do.

And we sat together, shoulder to shoulder at the church on Saturday when we had to say goodbye. Did you see us? All of those moms? Jen and Deb and Lisa and Jess and Gretta and Bonnie and Karen and so, so many others.

We are proud of you for your brave fight.

We promise that we will be here for your family. And we will hug your mom and talk and cry with her when she wants to.

We will do everything we can to try and ease her pain, even if we can never truly understand what she’s feeling.

We will do everything we can to honor you.

We will celebrate you and watch over your spirit, always.

We promise that Matty.

Because that’s all we know how to do.

We love you.

Love,

Your fireflies

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Observations in Nature

jennifer — Tue, 22 Sep 2009 01:32:18 +0000

So we had a busy weekend that was topped off with a leisurely walk around our town lake yesterday afternoon. The reflection of the trees on the water was lovely…along with the lily pads, frogs, the fall foliage beginning to turn, and our daughter leading the way with a hand-drawn map scrawled on pink Barbie notebook paper.

A nature experience for sure.

Throughout our stroll as we enjoyed the quiet songs of nature, the brisk air and the warm setting sun, I could see how Robert Frost could be so moved as to write his timeless poetry about these natural surroundings. This, in turn, made me ponder my own observations and experiences from the weekend.

They are as follows:

- “The Fast and the Furious” is a really good movie franchise. And that blonde guy is really attractive.

- For every new cashier they add at our renovated Dunkin Donuts, it will cost you an extra 6 minutes waiting in line at the drive thru so that you can repeat your order at least 9 times.

- If you have your niece and nephew stay overnight and you let them open a box of temporary tattoos with their cousins which they then cover their bodies with, you should explain to their parents that although they may look like they spent the weekend at San Quentin, they actually played at the park, ate pancakes and were well supervised the whole time.

- The phrase “settle down” is useless.

- Ask a handful of 1st grade boys what they want to call their soccer team, and they will, with great fervor, suggest something manly and powerful, like “The Pussycats.”

- People who make unsafe illegal u-turns purely for the sake of their own convenience should be forced to street race the local cops for slips (that means you have to give them your car if you lose – I know this because I now love “The Fast and the Furious”. And yes, I know the movie came out like, 8 years ago).

- Yelling “Are you ‘kidding’ me!?!? ” out of the window of your minivan is probably not the most appropriate way to address the driving infractions of others.

- Anyone who thinks we are still in an economic slump should go to the mall and experience the anarchy that is the sale rack at Banana Republic.

- If you’re wearing an American Eagle Outfitters t-shirt and you’re walking around the store of the same name than duh, I’m going to mistake you for a retail associate and ask you to open a dressing room for me.

- Does anyone realize that the word “Twit” is in Twitter?!

- When two roads diverge into the wood, definitely take the one less traveled by, at least until your toddler announces they have to go to the bathroom.

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Makin’ Headlines

jennifer — Wed, 16 Sep 2009 01:43:10 +0000

As of today at approximately 9:04am, I officially had both of my babies back in school. And after spending a good 15 minutes catching up with various members of my momtourage in the preschool parking lot, I came home and did what any ultra-efficient mom would do with 2.5 gloriously free hours alone in a house that is a virtual disaster zone of teeny tiny legos, laundry and dust – I cleaned for 10 minutes then ordered new “activewear” online from Walmart (Target, I’m so very sorry I cheated on you but I swear it was only for the $11 Danskin workout pants) and I watched clips of the MTV Video Music Awards online.

Very productive stuff.

But you know, the two-week process that is the back-to-school integration program is quite taxing. It involves, at the most basic level 1) getting the kids into bed by 8pm (brutal after a summer of loosy goosy bedtimes) 2) planning ahead and shopping/stocking up on ample lunch/snack supplies with maximum amount of nutritional value such as milk, bread, apples, organic peanut butter, goldfish crackers and Transformer & My Pretty Pony fruit snacks and 3) staying on top of the myriad of communication flying in at an alarming rate from schools/rec departments/dance studios/committees via mail/email/text messages/Blackberry/Facebook/backpacks, etc.

So I sat down to dinner with the kids tonight, feeling quite weary, and served up a casual meal of macaroni & cheese for them, cereal for me. This was a practical choice given that my husband was simultaneously enjoying free seats and cold beer at the first Patriots game of the season…while he got to check out the King of Quarterbackness Tom Brady, I slurped down a bowl of Kashi and sorted through the mail, including a parenting magazine. Waaaahoo.

Although I truly regard these publications as wonderful resources for a wealth of information on all things parenting, I just didn’t have the heart to open it tonight. Without a doubt I could still use whatever knowledge its pages and experts can dole out, despite my 6+ years of experience in the role of “Mooooommmy!”. But after a glance at the headlines, I just couldn’t make myself flip it open. Here’s perhaps some insight into why:

Headline #1: “Discipline That Really Works”
(note: actual headlines have been altered to protect the privacy of said publication that with any luck may actually publish an article/essay/classified ad written by yours truly at some point in the future. I doubt this will help my chances).

Anyhoo, I right away would suggest something slightly different, something more along the lines of:

“M&M’s, Polly Pockets and Chucky Cheese: How to Get Your Kid to Do Whatever You Want, When You Want!’

Their headline #2: “Budget Costumes for Halloween’

My suggestion:
“How to Turn Your Big Brother’s Old Teletubby Costume Into a Deranged Yellow Bunny for His Little Sister! Without Spending a Dime!’

Headline #3: “How to Get a Few Minutes of Peace for Yourself Each Day”

Yeah…..how about:
“Tequila, TiVo and Other Shortcuts to Sanity”

Headline #4: “Hundreds of Great Baby Names!”

Listen, let’s just cut to the chase on this one:
“Just Do Your Kid a Favor and Don’t Name Them After a Celebrity or Something Found in the Cold/Remedy Aisle (e.g. Kanye, Robitussin).”

Hmmm.

Maybe I’ve become a bit jaded. Or maybe I’ve been a mom long enough to know that sometimes you have to take a break from the info-gathering, the advice, the comparison shopping and cut yourself some slack.

Even the experts will tell you that.

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Summer Lovin’ Happened So Fast

jennifer — Tue, 01 Sep 2009 21:04:04 +0000

Whoosh.

There it goes.

Sunday we were jumping in a friend’s pool and eating hotdogs off the grill. Yesterday we had to throw on a sweatshirt while we played in the yard. How does Mother Nature do that? It’s like she’s in cahoots with the Kohl’s back to school sale. One day – summer, the next day, doors open at 9am for fall!

But I have to admit, I love it. I’m always ready for fall. I can take about 3 months of sunscreen, heat and lack of structure and then I’m sooooo ready for a little more order, a little less bug spray, and a cute new pair of boots (for the kids too of course). And September always feels like such a fresh, new page of crisp white-lined Mead paper, the kind I used to snap into my Saturday Night Fever Trapper Keeper back in the day.

And seeing as how it’s been a bit of a weird summer, I’m really ready. I’ve spent a fair amount of time sitting in little doctor’s offices pondering the big picture. But we’ve also spent great times going to the pool/the park/camps/playdates..all book-ended with some much coveted family time. And I think my husband and I have actually made some progress toward just dialing down our crazy lives a notch. Case in point – when our ancient computer crashed this summer, and took EVERY email correspondence from the last 4 years with it, I did not, astonishingly, completely lose my you-know-what. Maybe it’s the yoga, or the drastic reduction in my caffeine intake, or the fact that a week into my parent’s visit, my dad suddenly and sadly lost one of his close friends and had to head back home to help.

Some things just don’t matter as much when you look at the big picture.

And as I start to organize the school paperwork, the fall calendar and the kid’s closets, I don’t know what the year ahead will bring. This past one had its share of changes, surprises and losses. My son is now a bonafide 1st grader who’s lost a total of 7 (or is it 8?) teeth. My daughter is an accomplished ballerina (one recital, neon pink tutu and all) and is about to embark on her last year of preschool (gulp) before joining her brother for the big time. And with the amount of accessorizing this girl does, she may be asking me to audition for Project Runway before she’s 8.

With any luck, I’m hoping that I got a little better at parenting this year. Hard to tell. I do try to keep the kid’s sugar intake to a minimum, but I should probably buy more organic. I could definitely be more patient and yell less, and supervise the brushing of teeth more closely. But I hug and kiss them a lot. And I did teach them (by performing live in the living room of course) songs from classics like “Grease” and “Annie” this summer and let them build crazy contraptions with items from the recycling bin.

And as my husband and I sat, with the windows open on a few warm summer nights and watched the news, we were saddened by the loss of great icons.

Michael Jackson.

Walter Cronkite.

Eunice and Ted Kennedy.

People that were passionate about what they did, accomplished a great deal and made an impact on us all.

So the September calendar page has been turned and a new chapter has officially begun. And I think…what will change this year? What funny anecdotes about the first week of school will I be telling my parents on the phone next Sunday? What will the news headlines be tomorrow? Who will come in and out of our lives? What will flu season be like? When, pray tell, will skinny jeans permanently be removed from store shelves? What will change in the world and what will we learn about each other and ourselves?

I don’t have any more answers than I did a year ago.

But what I do have is a better view of the big picture.

And that’s a pretty great start.

Happy fresh first page of fall!

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A Midsummer Night’s Dream

jennifer — Sat, 08 Aug 2009 23:16:54 +0000

A family in my town is going through a very difficult time. Their five-year old son has cancer. He’s receiving wonderful medical care and has already proven to us all that he’s quite a tough little guy – but it has, and will be, a long, grueling road for him and his family.

When word of his diagnosis made its way through town this past winter, the response was incredible – people instantly deployed to help in any way they could. So when I decided to host a little summer “Mom’s Night Out” fundraiser party recently, I knew my friends would come. I’ve been on the receiving end of some pretty amazing support myself over the last couple of months, so I just knew they would. They’re just like that.

A few weeks ago, I just picked a night on the calendar for the event, and wrote up an invite and emailed it to all the moms in town I could think of. Then I pressed the “send”
button and waited.

Within a few minutes…that familiar “ding” of my inbox.

Ding. “Hey! Great idea I’ll be there, what can I bring??”
Ding. “I’ll be there, and I’ll donate a raffle prize!”
Ding. “Awesome! I’ll be there and just sent this to a bunch of friends.”
Ding. “I’ll be on vacation but I’m sending a check.”
Ding. “I’ll bring wine!”
And so on and so on…

As luck would have it, the night of the party (just a couple of days ago) was gorgeous. Low humidity, a slight breeze. Perfect. And just hours before the party, I got word that the little boy’s mother and his aunt would be able to attend. I was ecstatic, and a little nervous. But when the doorbell rang promptly at 7:30pm, they started coming in…gaggles of friends in summer sandals with platters of brownies, bowls of chocolate trifle and pitchers of Sangria and iced coffee. And soon they were saying, “You wouldn’t believe the cars down the street!” There’s like 30 minivans out there!!!!” Fantastic. Exactly what I’d hoped for.

Over the next few hours voices and laughter streamed out the windows.
Gals chatted and shopped for jewelry and handbags and toys and bought raffle tickets by the handfuls.
When the guest of honor came in I had to try not to completely tackle her with a hug. She’d just spent a particularly long week at the hospital and I’m sure it was overwhelming. But she also had a rare moment to spend some time with the girls, some she didn’t even know, and feel the love and support of all these fellow moms crowded together in my house.
And the cars just kept coming.
And the cash box kept getting bigger.
The sea of faces smiling back at me as I said a few words and we doled out donated raffle prizes is an image I’ll never forget.

Hours later when I kicked my shoes off, pawned off the rest of the wine to the last of the lingering guests and my mom and I emptied the last of the trash, I thought, what a beautiful night. What a tremendous gift to be able to fill this house with women and mothers who just wanted to show their support. What a gift to be able to give our friend. To raise some money and give her a hug.

I realized at that moment that it felt like one of those nights when I was a kid playing with friends outside at sunset. When all of the sudden you see a little flicker of light off in the distance. And then you see another, and another and a few more and then they’re everywhere…fireflies…lighting up the summer sky.

And it’s more than just a little magical.

The day after the party, our friend got up and headed to the hospital for another long day. But I’m hoping that the memory of the night – and having a chance to literally see and feel the love in the room will help her, and her son, and her family through the darkest days.

I’m thankful my friend let us do this for her.

And I’m so very thankful for my beautiful, luminous fireflies.

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Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness

jennifer — Sat, 04 Jul 2009 02:00:43 +0000

So last week we headed south to my grandmother’s house with the dock on the bayou that I love so much. My mom and dad met us there – further intensifying what felt like a wonderful security blanket of fun, sun, and family. And one night I even got a little brave and my husband and I headed to the beach for a date night, staying up past my self-imposed healthier lifestyle curfew.

And then at 5am I woke up yet again, in an ambulance.

Seizure #2, darn it.

But this time I had a handle on it. And as I sat on my ER bed, legs swinging over the end, I was fully intent on getting the heck out of there. And thanks to my rockstar neurologist back home who conferred with the ER doc, I was released by day’s end although much to my chagrin, with marching orders to start taking anti-seizure meds until we get to the bottom of this. Nevertheless, we tried to finish out our vacation on a high note.

So when we got home we unpacked, did laundry, went to the grocery store and I set up a meeting with a specialist for later this month.

And settled into a medical holding pattern.
And it’s been pouring down rain ever since.
And my daughter’s attitude has reached an all-time diva status.
And these meds make me feel groggy.
And I ignored that little voice in my head that told me not to and spent a couple of hours one day googling “seizures.”

Insert meltdown here.

So there it was. I allowed myself to wimp out and call my parents, bawling. Just a full on self-pity, regression, anxiety-driven venting session. My mom listened patiently on the other end, without judgment, while no doubt nodding to my father in the background to confirm that this was in fact the-call-they-had-probably-anticipated–with-perfect-parental–accuracy-would-happen–within-72–hours-of–me-getting-home-and-back-to-reality.

It did feel really good. And now it’s done. So yesterday as I tried to dry off from my self-pity dip, many thoughts were swirling around in my head…dramatic and life-affirming thoughts that I focused on to reposition any negative neurons dancing around in there.

I thought about how 7 years ago this very week I lost my grandfather to Alzheimer’s. And when I flew down for the funeral, I surprised my parents by telling them I was pregnant with their first grandchild. It was an incredible moment when loss met joy.

And as I sat with my sister-in-law yesterday with our collective brood of now five kids at a big booth at McDonalds I thought how amazing it is that these children didn’t exist 7 years ago. As they sat munching on Happy Meals I surveyed their little faces sitting across from me. Blue-eyed, hazel-eyed, brown-eyed. Sensitive, creative, shy, feisty, outgoing. A budding champion athlete, artist, entertainer, CEO and the newest baby asleep in his car seat in a cute baseball onesie. A kaleidoscope of little people that have challenged and exhausted us. These little lives that we created. That have turned us into mothers. That we adore.

And I thought about how earlier that morning the nurse at our pediatrician’s office marveled at how much my daughter had grown at her 4-year checkup and how I felt completely elated that our biggest obstacle at the moment is her fear of vegetables and the dentist. And the diva thing.

And finally, after I watched our mailman play, with unadulterated joy, with the neighbor’s dog across the street, I had pretty much pumped myself up into a “Life is Good” frenzy..with a July 4th theme. I will share it with you now despite the fact that it’s so corny you could seriously use it as BBQ side dish this weekend…

Life. Is to recognize the beauty of the entire journey and to embrace and cope as best we can with the sickness and the loss and joy and birth equally…to let it all wash over us. To recognize the weight of thoughtful gestures as small as a friendly manager at McDonalds offering your table a free ice cream, or a sleep-deprived sister-in-law who packs five car seats in her minivan and drives you around in the pouring rain.

Liberty. To give yourself the freedom to admit you don’t know what the heck you’re doing sometimes. To not care about perfection or putting yourself out there or care if you’re acting the right way. To be brave enough to say what you really mean. To admit even at the age of 37, you are sometimes as needy as a daughter as you hope you’re as strong as a mother.

The Pursuit of Happiness. To logically decide that despite a bad economy, a large mortgage and a freshman year starting in 2021, it’s a great summer to spend a good amount of money adding on a back deck. To create a physical space where you will host dozens and dozens of cook-outs with cold beer on hot summer nights. To create a forum for deep conversation, ringing laughter and heated debates over the best songs of the 80’s.

And next July, when the VA Hospital on the other side of the woods behind your house has its big celebration, you will know that the pile of wood and nails that you paid someone to put together was worth every single penny.

Because it will provide a spectacular front row seat to a fireworks show that will be brilliant, awe-inspiring, loud and so close that at times it’s even a little scary.

And you’ll spend what seems like a really long time waiting for it to start and then it will pass so fast in a flash of color and light.

And it will be absolutely beautiful.

Just like life.

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