The Adventures of Hillbilly Rah

It's the Final Countdown - Da da da daaaah...da da dat dat daaaaah.....

2009-05-17T21:13:00.000-07:00

Yes...the countdown has begun...34 days until the wedding. Feeling a bit rushed, and things at home are getting tense, but I'm still super excited. Nick and I are in Dublin this weekend for my wedding shower...which was yesterday :). I had a great time with all the family and the gifts were really what I needed. I've got another wedding shower next weekend at our church - that will be fun, too :).

School is almost over as well...9 more days until freeeeeedoooooom!! Well, we're trying to have a mini-choral concert on Tuesday with an awards assembly. I have mixed emotions about that because the concert had to be moved so many times. The musical for the school went really well too :). I'm hoping we might have recruited some in the audience so we can do musicals with larger casts.

My throat is still sore from all the sinus drainage and along with that, my ear still aches. It's freezing here in Dublin, and the two dogs...yes, I said two, are in the back of the car because of controversy. I won't bring it up...but we have two dogs now - Link the puggle and a mutt that looks like a Jack Russell Terrier and Doberman mix :/ - she was starving and pawing at the church door and we took her home. You'd think we would learn after the flea infested cat...this dog whines like nobody's business. I don't even know if it's separation anxiety anymore...she just whines!

I'm taking a break from assembling the wedding invitations. Those have to get done tomorrow and out - it's getting too late to send them!! I finished the thank you cards with mom tonight...now we just have to get all that stuff back to an apartment that is halfway packed, halfway disaster area and down to the new house in Chattanooga. Thanks to Toy and Phil, we have a place rent free that we get to fix up. They're wonderful people and I am super excited about living in that house...I just dread the drive to work. About an hour is what will end up happening :( ... but you can't pass up free rent, you know?

Well, I guess I should get back to work. I want to sleep, but I need to get just a bit more done before I do...until next time!

On the Eve of ... Insanity?

2009-04-23T20:23:00.000-07:00

Holy cow, has it really been that long since I last posted?! Wow time flies...

I am all about summer. I'm completely ready to end this school year and start fresh with more organization and better planning. The year has gone well so far I supposed, but there are so many things that have happened this year that I simply never want to have happen again. And that's what is great about teaching. You get the opportunity to start all over again the next year and improve. If only I can stay in one place long enough to get some years under my belt enough to get a good routine down.

And, we are exactly one week away from opening night with the musical, and I might literally lose my mind...

Oh, but I had one of those "pre-summer" moments coming home from MCHS tonight. It was fairly warm, I had the window down, and I was blaring the Beatles. And for that brief moment on the 45 minute drive home from work, everything felt right in the world. For one brief moment, every wad of cash I dole out for the show and every moment that I'm working myself into the ground to see the kids come together with an amazing show made all the madness worth it...for one brief moment, I actually LIKED the chaos.

I'm not sure what I was thinking, but the moment has passed. I'm exhausted but wired at the same time and can't exactly sleep (the whining puppy in the background with separation anxiety isn't helping either...). Tomorrow is prom, and most of my students will be leaving around 11:30 am. I'm going to be making final preparations so that Monday can go smoothly without a hitch. We didn't finish the show tonight, but we were fixing some final blocking and Angela and I were having a hard time going through some of the songs *ack*. It will be last minute but it will happen.

I've got mixed emotions tonight...and as I read certain things and think back over the past, I realize I am still harboring bitterness in my heart...at who? I'm not sure...God? Maybe...people who I feel never noticed me or my full potential? Maybe...then I have to face the embarrassing possibility that maybe...juuuust maybe I'm not as good as I think I am. Maybe I'm simply mediocre.

And the wedding *blink* *blink* - so much to do...it's approaching at a pscycho speed, and before you know it, I'm going to be hitched. But that's another conversation for another post...I'm suddenly feeling a bit tired. Could it be I can finally get to sleep??

Let's see, shall we? :D

Constantly Sick

2008-09-27T20:39:00.000-07:00

I.Love.Fall. <3

There's no doubt about it, there's something about this time of year and the football weather that seems to get me stirred up. The change in weather seems to wake me up somehow and remind me that I have goals in life...that I have dreams, desires...and I take them seriously. Why I don't the rest of the year I'll never know *grin* but at least during fall I feel as if I can really get started on all the things I've said I was going to do but never did.

But Tennessee in the fall is the bane of my existence. Constant headaches, sinus drainage, exhaustion...it never seems to end. The nauseousness from the drainage is what makes it worse. I always feel sick after eating...makes me never want to eat again, but I like food too much *smirk*.

Ah, but I am losing weight. Without being bored at home, I don't have the opportunity to stuff my face 24/7 out of boredom or emotional turmoil, depending on the time of day *grin*.

Wow, it has been a while since I've written, eh? I blame it on the never ending thesis...

But I've got to get to bed. Yes, relatively short post, but enough to help me remember that I do have a blog and I do enjoy writing it :D. So g'nite for now, and I'll see you soon!

Living in a Cardboard Box

2008-05-27T00:13:00.000-07:00

There's a Facebook group called, "I Picked a Major I Liked and One Day I'm Going to Be Living in a Box." I'm a member - and although it's funny, my fear of the future is threatening to overtake me again. There are no job openings that I can find for high school or middle school choral directors. I want to trust that the Lord has a plan, but fear continues to grip me. There's an opportunity to continue on in school, but I'm so sick of school. I want to make money and not spend so much. So what is n ext? I can't take this pressure while trying to finish everything right now. And so panic sets in...I hate looking for a job.

Hillsongs - Mighty to save

2008-04-06T21:35:00.001-07:00

I absolutely love this song...and I was sending it to the members of the praise team band at church...and well, found this cute rendition. I love it...especially the drumstick hitting the snare on the one picture *grin*. Thought I'd share...

Stones of Rememberance

2008-03-21T21:31:00.001-07:00

This is the man who taught me to fish :). Notice the bluegill on the line? *grin* That was probably the first fish I ever caught. Everything about this picture is adorable to me - the Reebok tennis shoes with the black socks - those familiar slacks that he would wear - the huge glasses to help with the sunlight in his eyes, the trucker's hat - and above all - the pocket protector in his shirt pocket for his pens and his glasses. This man, not perfect by any means, is the reason why so much in my life is right today. My mother had an even greater deal to do with it, with all of her praying and striving to keep me out of trouble :). But I saw this picture, and after thinking about so many things tonight, I am reminded once again of just how good God really is. Time and time again I find myself getting worried about situations - what's going to happen next, am I making the right decision, have I really ruined my life - and so many times, God must be looking down at me and shaking his head - frustrated, maybe, but a longing gentle smile on his face - "My child, why do you worry and plan what I've already worked out with my own loving hand?"

And that's what tonight has been for me - a remembrance, a reminder - of how all the times I've made horrible decisions, the Lord has been true to his word and worked them out for my good. I can look back in so many different situations and see how God has worked - even when I didn't deserve it - and still taken care of things for me. Who am I to worry?

How humbling, but how PEACEFUL it is to realize that He truly has everything in his hands - my job really is to sit back and simply enjoy the ride as best as I can - waiting on him and not trying to force things myself. I know others may have the exact opposite problem, needing God to make them take a move - but I've always gone ahead, trying to orchestrate things that really didn't need my help at all *grin*.

So tonight I write because I feel such a peace - such a happiness about my wonderful Savior - I'm not saying I have things worked out - that I won't stop worrying, but I'm going to try to keep this remembrance, like the Israelites did with the 12 stones, I believe, when the red sea parted, so that I am always reminded of God's provision and his ability to make things work out for my good.

Side Note

2008-03-20T20:13:00.000-07:00

And just as a side note, here is Link now - I can't believe how big he's gotten in such a short time! But he's still just as cute as ever. He's extremely smart, and he's usually a very quiet dog, except here in Dublin he's been quite vocal to my family *grin*. He's so adorable, though. This is one of the best decisions I've made in a long time, because he's so precious. They tell me he's not going to get much bigger, but he's only 4 months old, so I have a hard time believing he's not going to get some bigger. But he is about a foot tall. Well, just wanted to post a photo of my favorite puppy. I found the picture of when we first brought him home and I thought an update would be nice. More photos to come, I'm sure!

Easter Break

2008-03-20T19:34:00.000-07:00

Christmas 2007 - Jess, me, Meals, and Dianna - the weekend in Pigeon Forge. And it was so good to see them again. I miss them.

Jess is now hangin' in Cyprus, Meals is somewhere in NOVA crackin' down on some lawyers, and Dianna is kickin' it ghetto style in New York. But for one brief weekend, we were all in the same place, having an amazing time together.

Jess cracks me up with her model gorgeous self and the planned smiles she gives in every picture *grin*. Not that she's not having fun, because she's not faking it in the least - but you can tell she knows how to work a camera *grin*. She always has that "come hither" smile *grin*.

Tonight I am sitting on my mother's couch in Dublin, contemplating the conversations of the day, especially the one from Dr. Moffett's class about how this culture is technologically advanced beyond amazement, but how it is a selfish, "me-focused" generation that is immature. I fall into that category, and I can't really lie about it. I can try to cover it up, but the fact of the matter is, my checkbook screams of my immaturity.

Aaah...my favorite picture. I have managed to capture my amazing boyfriend in the middle of his signature move. We were in Alabama helping my cousin and her family move into their new house. Good times as usual. But my cuz is working hard and losing weight - she's amazing in her resolve - and I wish I knew why I can't seem to muster up the same thing. But again, I'm tired of getting into the huge weight conversations and then never doing anything about it.

So I'm in ye ole Dublin tonight, enjoying the gentle (or not so gentle) sounds of my mother snoring *grin*. It's gotten better since her surgery, but she's still pretty bad. So bad, in fact, that I'm probably going to have to go get the ear plugs out of the car. I was hoping to avoid it, tho, because it's cold outside and I just flat out don't feel like going back out.

Well, March Madness is in full swing, and I have no clue how I'm going to do because I really think I picked some crazy dud-like picks. But that's okay - I do it just for the fun :D. I wish I had the time to watch some of the games - hopefully tomorrow I will be able to for a bit.

Well, I think that's about it for now. Just thought I'd drop in and say a few things, although there's nothing really all that profound right now :). I'll be back in again soon :).

A Blob of Nothingness

2008-02-26T21:26:00.000-08:00

"I don't know what this is about, but God says he has a plan and not to worry...that's it."

This was the message I received on Sunday night from a wonderful woman in my choir at church - and it couldn't have been more needed. Seems like it should be a simple thing to believe, but I constantly struggle with it, the closer that graduation time comes.

Graduation at high school was stressful, but it was so full of hope - I was going to get edumicated to continue on in life - there was a bright future ahead.

Graduation at college was great because I was finally able to start my own career and no longer did I have to give answers to please professors but I could finally make my own professional decisions. Still a bit scary because I had to find a job, but it seemed to happen fairly quickly.

Now I'm back at graduation for graduate school, and it's so different, but yet, just the same. But this time, the hope doesn't seem to be there. I've been struggling with this sense of "aimlessness" for the good part of two years now. I've wondered often if there's a plan or if I'm really supposed to find my own way. I didn't necessarily doubt that God had a plan, but all of the sudden it seemed that I had more of a responsibility of choosing what I wanted to do, or what path to take next. There's a Bible verse in Psalm I think that talks about God ordering the steps of the righteous - but I haven't felt very righteous lately. Not supposed to go by feelings, I know.

But what is "REAL"? This is the constant question I struggle with. Is "reality" something that is different for each individual person? Is there a definite reality?

I don't feel like getting into this philosophical crap tonight. I'm in my bedroom, warm and comfy, and I'm listening to the songs I have on my myspace list. I simply love music. I love the way the chords fit together - I love the different elements that make music what it is. I'm passionate about everything there is about music...well, I'm not so passionate about performing practice, which is the class I'm in right now *grin*, but I do like the result of those who study it. I just have no desire to do so.

But the messages aren't all Christian - and after reading Harold Best's "Music Through The Eyes of Faith," I'm not too worried about it. Granted, there are definite things I wouldn't listen to because I feel like it would corrupt my mind...but the jury is still out on some of it.

I want to have something profound to say everytime I write, you know? But unfortunately, I'm now losing steam and my attention is being scattered so that I no longer remember what it was that pushed me to open the blog and write it *grin*.

So, that's it for now...until I remember why I wrote in the first place :)

Cold Air From The Heating Vent

2008-02-13T21:57:00.001-08:00

In typical Sarah fashion, I'm up too late - I should have been doing work, but I got distracted trying to set up my printer to be wireless. He He He - let's just leave it at it hasn't gone well so far. But other than that, I'm sitting at my desk, which has the air vent underneath it, and it's shooting out cold air! I can't quite figure that one out, because the heat is on pretty high for once because I'm super cold, and with the wind chill it's in the 20's here (which is a rare occurrence in itself) - and I feel COLD air coming out of the vent - but it's warm in the house??? I have yet to understand and figure this place out.

I had to buy a new desk chair today - the one I had been broken for a long time evidently and I didn't know it...today it nearly threw me across the room so I decided to bite the bullet and buy a new one. Sometimes Wal-Mart is a Godsend - especially on a tight budget - let's just hope the quality allows it to last long enough for me to get my money's worth out of it!

Well, I've had some computer issues lately - the laptop crashed again and this time, although they said they would save my information for me, the guy did a /fixboot and erased the hard disk without backing anything up - which I knew how to do on my own, had I wanted to lose everything. Well, most of it was backed up on my hard disk...well, that crashed too, for some reason. But not before I got the really important stuff back on the laptop. So I'm thinking I'm just going to start printing everything out (if I can ever get my printer working again *grrr*) so I never completely lose everything.

But with my mind in the state it's been lately, I may have already lost everything anyway *grin*.

Okay - I'm going to try and take some more pictures of Link tomorrow and get them up. He's growing so quickly that I can hardly believe he was small enough to fit in my hand when I first picked him up. I wish I had gotten better pictures of him...he looked so adorable with his smooth head and long floppy ears. He still looks adorable *grin*.

I think I'm done for now - I just wanted to drop a few lines and get another post on the blog since I haven't been on it for a while. Hope all is well wherever you are when you read this :).

Welcome Home, Link!

2008-01-05T09:35:00.000-08:00

I decided to pick a color that I thought would match the screen, but not one I would normally pick. It looks nasty beside all of the other colors on the palette but I have a feeling will look good on the page.

Anyway, this is Link, the new puppy that Nick and I adopted. He's 8 weeks old, and he's an incredibly smart little boy. And he's so CUTE! He has one little pay that has a white spot and two white nails, and the rest are black :).

We're trying now to begin the training - he's already partially house trained, thanks to our breeder. I've enjoyed working with her - if you ever want a puggle, you can check at www.snugglepuggle.tripod.com. Reasonable cost for everything she does for the puppy.

We're going to leave him alone briefly for the first time today - better to do it during the day when my neighbor won't hear the whining :). Anyway, wanted to update everyone - I'll be back to write more about 2008 later :).

26 Days and Counting

2007-12-04T23:16:00.000-08:00

I should flat out be in bed. I finished another paper tonight and now I can't seem to make myself go to bed. Too many thoughts running through my head, I suppose. Or it could be the fact that I haven't drank much Mountain Dew since I had the kidney infection at the end of October, and I had a 20 oz. tonight to help me finish off the book and the paper. Two down, three more to go...

The countdown to 2008 has begun - what on earth am I going to do with this new year? Time seems to be quickly slipping away - 31 came faster than 30 - I was okay with 30 because it was a new place to be - 31 is a bit scarier because there's no getting out of it now...I'm in my 30's and I can never go back. Another one from the oldest generation in my family is passing on soon. This year has seemed like the year of death. The one year anniversary of my Dad's passing looms in the distance...January 21st, 2008...I'm beginning to remember things that were happening this time last year - as if I'm reliving the countdown to my Dad's death. It was a night like tonight where I was being totally hyper and couldn't sleep that I posted and the next day was Dad's final breath here on earth...

And it wouldn't be a true end of the year post if I didn't reflect on just how much I weigh and how frustrated I am with myself. I'm on the last leg of my Masters Degree and I'm terrified of not doing well on my project and thesis. I'm also terrified because I'm not sure what comes next - tonight peace doesn't seem as readily accessible as it usually is. God provides, I know, and I have no reason to doubt Him - I'm not so sure of it being doubt that He'll provide - it's more about being afraid I won't like the future. That what He has in store for me isn't what I want and will cause me to go through more heart ache and pain. I've dealt with this irrational fear before, but tonight, I can feel it keenly. I have an idea why - a bitter sweet memory that won't leave my mind's eye.

Keep in mind, I have no real reason to complain - the Lord has been so good to me I don't have any right to say other wise. But feelings and emotions still come, showing me I have a long way to go before I am free from the junk of this world. I no longer hate myself for it, but I can't seem to shake the melancholy feeling that it leaves in its wake.

So for tonight, I must force myself to lay it aside and go to bed - tomorrow requires much of me, and I'm not entirely sure I'm ready!!

I'm sure you'll be hearing more from me, soon...

December 2007

2007-12-04T07:33:00.000-08:00

Hello everyone - in the midst of the end of the semester, I find myself at work with a mind that is so completely scattered I can't hardly stay on task at all. Yesterday, when I should have been home reading and writing a paper, I was out doing what you see to the right...

There is a tradition among the Lee University School of Music - these carollers come out every year and shortly after, the students begin to steal them and strategically place them in places all over the building and even all over the nation...my understanding is that the Father made an appearance in Atlanta, GA with the Singers the other day. Well, evidently, David Holsinger and his wife walked in on the Father and Mother doing something "suspect" in the elevator last year...and well...if you notice, the mother has a new addition.

Anyway, I have a lot on my mind recently. Trying to sort through it all and understand my emotions and feelings...but most of all trying to figure out how they fit into my life. I don't really want to go into any more than that on the internet, but sometimes I wonder what it would be like to make totally drastic decisions instead of sticking to a safe plan. Do something totally wild and unexpected, you know? I'm a spontaneous creature by nature - I thrive off of the unexpected...but there's always something to be said about being steady and constant. I'm getting too old to be too flighty...finding ways to keep that spontaneity in my life is getting hard.

But to break up some of the monotony, I'm traveling quite a bit this Christmas. I'm excited that I'll be able to see my best friends Bill and Tammy in Louisiana. I'm going to be spending about four days down there with them. And even cooler than that, I'm supposed to go down and sing with a group of people that travel around the nation to sing worship music - along the lines of Israel Houghton style...and they get paid. Now wouldn't THAT be awesome!!!?? I would love to sing. I keep wanting to know what God's got planned, but in all honesty, there's no way to really know...it makes me sad in a small way because I'm afraid that I'm going to live my life and nothing every significant ever take place, you know? I feel like I'm racing toward a finish line that is going to come all to quickly and nothing I wanted to get done will get done.

Anyway, I should probably wrap this up and get back to whatever it was I was doing. I'm beginning to get tired - I have some hot chocolate in the back of my car...maybe I'll go get that and fix it :)...

The Stirrings of Fall

2007-09-20T08:01:00.000-07:00

I'm loving the turn of the weather. Yes, it brings all kinds of sinus problems, but the truth of the matter is I'm sick of the stifling heat that this area brings. Mom tells me that Virginia is already seeing temperatures in the 50's (I think at night mostly) - football weather!! :)

Other news, I'm researching a fairly new breed of dog called "Puggles." They're a mix between a Pug and a Beagle. Although my first instinct is to rush out and get one, I'm holding off at the wise council of my Dear Boyfriend (DB). Rushing into it will only get me into trouble, so I want to make sure I'm ready for everything :).

I had my first practice with the choir at my new church - exciting stuff. There have been some things that have been going on that have allowed them to get lazy in the past, and I can tell I'm going to have a bit of a rough hall ahead of me, but I'm going to try and move forward anyway. I'm praying heavily for God's guidance on how to deal with things. But as we're reading in "Music Through the Eyes of Faith," Best explains that the music makers and how we treat them need to be more important than the music itself. We're first ministers of the gospel through song, which means that the people we minister should come first.

And although I want to be careful of people's feelings and desires, I'm most concerned with their spiritual and musical growth. It's my responsibilities to help them grow further than where they are now - the only true way I see that happening is simply being in constant prayer to God about it. I mean, I can teach these people something musically, but spiritually? There are many people who are twice my age...and what a powerful witness! They know and have experienced things as Christians that I may never understand - I don't want to discredit their experiences and understandings given by God - but I'm trying to remember that even in my semi-youth, I still have something to offer spiritually as well.

But of course, my flesh is week as of late. I find myself not nearly as Holy as I used to be *grin*. But is that a bad thing? To me, maybe not - I'm no longer trying to be the perfect Christian. I'm striving to do my best for Christ, and understanding, FINALLY, that I'm human. That I can and will make mistakes - but God's grace is sufficient enough to continue to work through me even when I mess up.

There are areas in my life that I need to deal with. Some things that I continue to get drawn back into because of my flesh nature. Before, I would assume that because I keep going back to it, I need to be "delivered" from it, or have someone lay hands on me to help me overcome the issues. I believe this needs to be done in some cases, but if I'm going to believe what the Word really says, I've already been set free from the sin nature by Christ's work on the cross. I simply need to believe it and allow the Holy Spirit to help me walk in that freedom.

How? By spending time with Him - being in His presence and feeding my spirit man instead of feeding my flesh man. I know this may not make sense to those who aren't familiar with "Christianeze", but I go back to the illustration that my youth pastor gave when I was 16 that I don't believe I'll ever be able to forget. It's like having two dogs - a white one that pulls you one way (into good things) and a black one that pulls you another (into bad things). The one you feed and exercise the most will be the one that wins out in the end. The one with the greater strength will always pull you its way in the end.

I don't know - Fall has always been a signal of something new in me...or a realligning of sorts with God. I'm feeling that same call from Him again :).

Monday Morning and a Mac

2007-09-03T05:56:00.000-07:00

I have firmly posted my posterior in the on campus cafe known as Jazzmans...and they're playing some pretty wild music. Typical coffee shop jazz/techno. The piano improvisation is pretty lively, but all in all it doesn't cover the fact that it's actually Monday morning and I'm up at an insane hour for a piano lesson. She simply gave me an assignment this morning and sent me on my way to get a proficiency packet that doesn't exist in the book store.

*sigh* I'm not really complaining - just tired??

Anyway, I find myself battling old demons recently. I've got all the paperwork filled out and I'm going to go in for an initial intake appointment at the Counseling center today. Why I'm announcing this on my blog, I'm not sure...it just seems to be the thing to talk about right now. I'm finding that there are evidently some open, gaping wounds I'm still carrying around in my heart, and I'm tired of being affected and hurt by these things.

I'm also amazed by the amount of songs that I never really listened to the lyrics for. Switchfoot is a prime example - I was going to look up the name and lyrics of the songs (because obviously I don't notice those things, hence the post) but I can't seem to figure out a way to open another browser window on this Mac. Where are my convenient tabs? Why can I not choose the color and font of my text for this post? Eh...Macs...I wanted one just for the sole purpose of Garage Band, but now that there seem to be Macs on campus somwhere, I'm thinking I'll just stick to this one...I'm not too happy about looking at this camera on the top of it - I'm one of those paranoid few who think that someone in the higher ups is watching me. Anyway, the point is, I need to pay more attention to what I'm listening to...one was about death and it made me think of Dad, and then the other was about going home to Heaven. All things that I think about a lot lately.

Well, I was just stopping in to check out the new Macs and possibly goof off a bit. I have work today for Dr. Boutwell that I'm not necessarily looking forward to. If I didn't think she'd have a coronary, I'd drop the assistantship, but I won't do that to her when things seem to be hard enough as it is. But I won't continue in the Spring unless the Lord shows me some reason why I should. I'll pray about it of course, but I don't want this headache while I'm trying to write my Thesis as well. I'm having a hard enough time trying to get the ridiculous prospectus done!

Okay, off to the rest of my day...

Caged Animals

2007-08-30T13:39:00.000-07:00

I'm writing to you from the tiny room in the MRC known as the Media Lab - MRC is Music Resource Center for all for the non-Lee-musicites out there. I love the beginning of school, because everyone always starts with the best intentions. "I'm not going to miss any classes," "I'm going to turn in all my homework on time," "I'm going to get up and walk every morning"...etc, etc, etc.

Well, the School of Music is trying to crack down on would-be users of the computers in the Media Lab that shouldn't be - WHY it would be a bad thing for them to use it, I don't know...so they now lock the door and force you to fork over your student ID as well as sign your life away on a sheet that doesn't really say anything on it about why you're signing it. Then they open it and shut you in...ignoring the fact that this many computers in a tiny room will do nothing but raise the temperature about 20 degrees.

So we're all stuck in here like caged animals...and something about it makes me want to bolt for the door everytime the attendee opens it, even though I'm not being detained against my will. I feel like I should be beating on the glass window and begging for food or something...

Just like all the other good intentions that people have in the beginning, I wonder just how long this will last? We will have to see...I'll try to report - because I know that you care *smirk*.

I can't believe that this week has gone by so quickly - tomorrow will be Friday and the first full week of classes will be over. Is this an indication of how the rest of the semester is going to go? It's kind of terrifying, because it puts me one step closer to graduation, which on one had will be freakin' awesome - but the other hand will leave me at that same dreaded crossroads of "what now?"

But it's all good - GOD is good...and I know He has a plan that I don't necessarily need to see yet. So I'm going to try my hardest not to worry about it right now and focus on getting this research completed as well as my thesis.

I'm enjoying my two classes with Dr. Moffett so far, because he's challenging my ideas and that in turn is helping me to further clarify my stance on important issues...open my eyes, really, to some things that I didn't necessarily think about before. Same way that Dr. Thompson changed the way I thought about music education, I now find Dr. Moffett's classes doing the same thing.

The idea of having a Philosophy of Music Education or of Church Music didn't mean anything to me before, but all of the sudden, I realize just how vital it is to be clear on what you believe and defining the purpose for whatever it is you do - my Philosophy of Music Education will ultimately affect how I teach just as my philosophy of church music will affect how I lead worship.

To be honest, these classes have really pointed out just how self-focused I have been. When teaching, I was more concerned about the music we were making and how we sounded than what the students were walking away with from my classroom and if I was teaching students to be independent musicians. As far as church work is concerned, I'm learning that I was more concerned with what type of music we were using to lead people in to worship and not necessarily the meaning of the text. I mean, I thought I was doing these things, but because I didn't have a clear picture in my head of what it was I was trying to accomplish and how, I was using methods that were more all about me than they were about helping others...and I never realized it.

I don't know if this is what it means to be 30, but I thought for sure by now I would have a more solid grip on who I am. Maybe I'm a late bloomer. Maybe I'm a whole lot less mature than I originally thought. All I know is that the older I get, I recognize just how much pride and obstinance really does rule my life. And what's sad about that is this realization of just how much of my life I haven't surrendered to God under the assumption that I had.

But that's another conversation for another day - right now, I need to think about finding some food and drink, because class time is drawing near...and I have a feeling that this class is going to end up being one huge debate...

Lord help me keep my mouth shut *grin*.

Falling Out of Chairs

2007-08-29T08:04:00.000-07:00

Ah...I made it in to work for the ministry today and found myself playing musical chairs. You see, I'm short, so my feet never touch the ground in most chairs - so I usually find a chair that I can touch in and just use that. Well, today the boss decided to help me find a chair somewhere in the office that would work. Being a non-profit, they have a lot of donated items that allow you to have any manner of chair - most have something about them that don't necessarily work, but hey, they're free. I'm used to that aspect of non-profit.

However the last chair we found was the one in the front office - and being the heavy-weight that I am, I tend to throw myself down into every chair I sit in instead of being ladylike :) - yup, this happened to be one of those that flies backwards easily...my legs went up in the air and I nearly threw myself out, but managed to hold on for dear life. And the bossman began laughing hysterically :).

I of course laughed because what else are you going to do? It was funny...but then *I* start to laugh and it brings up the whole laughter conversation. He said that he and his wife agreed that one of my strongest attributes was my laughter.

????

Wow - thanks *grin* - he then quickly said some other stuff about my intelligence, blah blah blah - it was just funny.

In all honesty, I've always been known for my laugh. I get lost in laughter and don't realize how loud I get. I love to laugh - but man, it's always been a sore spot for me because I've either been made fun of for it or simply told that I'm too loud and I need to be quiet. I'm one of those annoying loud office people at times. So if someone is in a bad mood, I'm the first target because I'm naturally loud, period.

Ah well, not intending to complain - just making a comment I guess. Laughter is the best medicine until someone gets a headache :). I guess it's all a part of getting used to who I am - being comfortable in my own skin. God made me this way and I have to learn to deal with the good and the bad :).

This learning to like yourself for who you are stuff is kinda hard.

Dawn of a New Blog

2007-08-28T19:36:00.000-07:00

Hola everybody - welcome to the site of my new blog. I have another, but it's material I wrote over the past few years and I'm feeling like a new blog is in order. Hopefully I'll be updating it regularly, so please feel free to subscribe to keep updated with the things going on in my life. Sometimes it's hard to let everyone know what is going on...and this way just tends to be easier.

In a lot of ways, this is truly a new era for me. As John Mayer's song, "Stop this Train" runs through my mind, the line "I'm just one step away from finding life out on my own" takes on new meaning. With my Dad now living in our eternal home, it seems this world has taken on a whole new view to me. It's amazing how one event can redefine your whole life.

Anyway, I just wanted to get something up on the page to get started with. If you're a friend and you have a blog, let me know and I'll link you up on my page - I'm a huge blogger fan...so be sure to check back often...my life is such a rollercoaster I'm sure someone else will want to take the ride with me :).