Wellness

Ask for love

2013-05-16T19:24:33+00:00

By Dr. Richard A. Kolotkin
Staff Writer

I recently did a Google search for “the world’s best mind reader” and learned that there are actually two best mind readers on our earth. It seems that both Marc Paul and Rex Sikes are currently contenders for this title.

Though it perhaps sounds silly, I really do have an interest in mind reading. This is because some people seem to think, because I am a psychologist, I can read minds. But, sadly, this is not true. Psychologists are not mind readers.

What is true is that I have been trained over many years to be discerning and perceptive – to know how to look for the nuances and subtle clues that help me decipher what is not being said. My ability to determine meaning, unspoken need or unconscious intent is a skill that I have worked hard to hone over time. It is something that I use in a professional way. It is one of my fondest hopes that this carefully cultivated ability, based on years of experience and training, serves my patients well.

Still curious about mind reading I searched the Internet further. More articles appeared and there it was – the one! The headline hook was “Mind Reading is Possible!” But as I read the line, which asserted that “most of us are already skilled-mind readers,” I sighed. I sighed because this is so not true – we could not read a mind if our lives depended on it. I mean, would you really stake your life on being able to tell me what number from 1 – 10 that I have in my mind at this moment? I hope not.

Despite this truth, when I look at love and marriage it seems as though most everyone has the idea that they are married to someone like Marc or Rex – someone who could claim the title of “world’s best mind reader.”

Take a woman that I saw a number of years ago. On her third “go-around,” she was once again unhappily married. And though clearly not wanting those “three strikes,” it became increasingly clear as we talked that she was unwittingly going for the big three.

Why was she so unhappy? It was because her needs were once again not being met by her husband. When I asked her for an example of this she told me that one thing
she needed was a kiss. She truly longed for a kiss and a “Hello! How was your day?” from her husband when he came home from work. He didn’t have to jump and run through the house looking for her. He didn’t have to appear at the snap of her fingers. She just wanted a kiss or some other warm reception from him, “as if she mattered to him.” But this, she said, never happened.

But when I asked the obvious, had she ever told her husband she wanted this kiss, she looked at me quizzically and spoke the litany that I so often hear:

“Why should I have to ask? Doesn’t he know? Wasn’t it obvious? Couldn’t he figure it out? Couldn’t he get the message from all the hints I dropped? If he really cared I wouldn’t have to ask! And besides, if I have to ask for a kiss and then got one it wouldn’t mean anything anyway. How can something mean anything if you have to ask for it? Ask? I wouldn’t ask in a million years.”

And as I heard his I thought of how unreasonable this woman was being, not in wanting the kiss, but in thinking her husband could read her mind and know this was what she wanted without her having to ask. How it was unreasonable for her and bad for her marriage that, to feel loved, she required him to read her mind and figure this out from the “clues she so deftly dropped” since so few people can actually do this. How it was a marriage killer that she would still feel unloved even if her husband kissed her regularly and happily after she asked for this simply because she had had to ask.

No wonder she always felt unloved and no surprise that her “big three divorce” was looming. And in the absence of change she would clearly need to marry either Marc or Rex for number four to be happy.

Remember the late night television icon Johnny Carson? One of the characters he played was called Carnac the Magnificent. Carnac was a psychic. He would take an envelope, place it to his head and define the answers to the questions contained in these silent envelopes. It could be a pretty funny routine.

I thought of Carnac the other day as I was seeing a couple for therapy. The husband, by nature and history, was a very quiet man. He often spent his time on the computer, in his chair or “in his head.” His wife, within all of this silence, had come to feel unloved. She longed to hear something from him about how nice she looked or how he enjoyed being with her. And though she had clearly asked for these things, they never happened throughout the long history of their marriage.

It was her husband’s response when she mentioned the things that had never happened despite her longing and asking that made me think of Carnac. He said he thought that he repeatedly gave her this praise and warm acceptance through what he defined as “silent acknowledgement” since he always thought these wonderful things about her. He just never said them. He just assumed that his wife somehow heard these thoughts simply because he thought them.

I thought that he somehow got the idea that his wife was Carnac and she could hear his silence and know of his love just as Carnac could define answers to questions placed in silent envelopes. It’s kind of like the guy who loved his wife so much he almost told her. And if this is also you I have to say, good luck with that!

So here’s part one of today’s tip: Never assume that your partner can read your mind! Never assume that you’re married to Marc, Rex or Carnac. Never!

Part two: Totally abandon the nonsensical notion that if you have to ask for something or if you make your feelings known, then what happens next is meaningless. Always remember that there is meaning – even if you have to ask.

What happens after your ask is where the real meaning lies. Do you get what you have asked for or not? This has real meaning. Also remember that love is a behavior so asking for those behaviors that make you feel loved will always have true meaning.

It is really important to understand that there are reasonable and unreasonable things to ask for. If you ask for something reasonable, like a kiss or a compliment or a sign of affection, and it happens, you’ve scored! It means your partner heard you and cared enough to embrace your need. If you ask for something reasonable and it doesn’t happen, then this is also meaningful since your need was not embraced. But remember, this whole thing doesn’t work if what you ask for is unreasonable. Your love is better served if you don’t expect it to happen since expecting that which is unreasonable always destroys love.

And here’s how you and your lover define what is or isn’t reasonable: You talk about it.

Questions and comments: submit@hpr1.com

[Editor’s note: Richard A. Kolotkin, Ph.D., is a professor in the psychology department at Minnesota State University Moorhead and a licensed psychologist with a practice in Moorhead. He is also the author of the book “The Insightful Marriage: What You Really Need to Know and Do to be Happily Married,” which is available for both the Amazon Kindle and the Barnes and Noble Nook.]

No one loves a porcupine

2013-05-02T18:45:38+00:00

By Dr. Richard Kolotkin
Staff Writer

I remember a television show called “Candid Camera.” It can actually still be found online. Peter Funt has replaced Alan Funt, but the show persists. It has an interesting premise. A hidden camera records people in unguarded moments in contrived situations. The people do not know that their reactions in these situations are being secretly recorded for broadcast for all to see. Being a comedy, the show definitely has its entertaining moments. People when caught being themselves and acting as if “the curtains are closed” and no one can see them can often be a riot to watch.

People, however, often behave in ways that are less than funny. Behind closed doors, out of the watchful eye of observers, people can be their unguarded selves in ways that are shocking. And very often the most shocking behavior appears in the context of what are supposed to be “loving” relationships. Passionate relationships can, in fact, unleash the most horrific of passions.

Many of us can, for example, remember the scene from the iconic 1980 film The Shining in which Jack Nicholson, playing Jack Torrance, takes an ax to a door and smashes through it. As he, a demonic smile on his face, proclaims “Heeere’s Johnny!” to his poor, terrorized wife Wendy, played by Shelley Duval, he is a player in a frightening scene of domestic violence. As we watch it’s easy to see that it is not love that occupies center stage in this marriage.

But the destruction of love in marriage does not have to take such obvious or dramatic form. In fact, in love and marriage, this destruction often works more like rust – slowly eroding love over time until passion dies.

In my practice, I’ve witnessed the effects of this erosion many times. One example was particularly striking. This was a young man who saw me many years ago. He was totally distraught because his fiancée had broken off their long engagement. He sat there, a man in tears, professing his undying love for this woman. He told me that he wanted nothing more than to marry her and have a family. He said, like many do, that he would do “anything” to have her love him again.

Needing to know more I asked him what reasons his fiancée had given him for ending their engagement. Responding to my question he told me how he had treated her. Simply stated, he was less than nice and more than selfish. He failed to consider her in any way. He was unreasonable, crabby, grumpy, negative, difficult, ill-mannered, and absent. When annoyed he would shun her for long periods of time. He clearly assumed that he could act any old way and would justify anything he did. Pointing his finger in blame seemed to be one of his specialties. He was never wrong and never apologized. He clearly thought that love, once attained, could not die and that his fiancée would love him no matter what he did even in all of his “aren’t I adorable,” self-centered glory. And though he was no Jack Torrance, I am totally sure that his fiancée cringed when he walked through the door. Why? Because, though he thought he was behaving well, he was actually being a “porcupine.”

There is something basic and important here that you have to embrace if you want your love to survive. This is that “no one loves a porcupine!” And it doesn’t matter if you are male or female. If you are a porcupine then no one is going to love you.

But as basic as this seems to be, this simple idea is often forgotten. Take the guy I was describing. He really had no clue! Though he said that he desperately wanted “the love of his life back” he looked at me in amazement when I told him that he didn’t act like a guy who was really in love. And then when I told him that about the last thing he seemed to really want given how he acted was to have this woman back he became indignant. How could I say this to him when he longed for her so deeply? I told him that I could easily say this since his actions spoke far louder than his words.

What I am saying here is that there seems to be something about love and marriage that defies reason. No one marries longing for divorce, but almost half of first marriages end in divorce. And marriage experience doesn’t seem to improve the odds at all since second marriage end in divorce at even higher rates. But though everyone should know that it is love that truly binds lovers together, it seems that people forget this. They forget that to forsake love is to forsake marriage.

Given this, it only makes sense to work hard and with intention to nurture love.

But how do you nurture love? The answer is actually fairly simple. All anyone has to do to be loved and to keep love alive in marriage is to remember that if you want love you have to be lovable!

Fortunately there is actually a relatively straightforward way that you can insure that you are lovable. You can kill your porcupine. To do this you have to remember that we all do different things when the curtains are closed than when they are open. You know how this works. As soon as you know that you’re being watched you behave better. Though porcupines can exist in public, they are much more likely to exist behind closed doors.

So here’s an important tip on how to nurture love - think of Candid Camera and imagine that there is always a camera recording you as you interact with your partner or spouse. Imagine that what you say and do will be broadcast on YouTube or posted on Facebook. Imagine that the whole world is watching and I bet you watch yourself more closely and that you behave better. And this is the key! Learn to watch yourself as if the whole world is watching you every time you are with your lover and try to be lovable. Cast yourself in a role as a spouse that you could be proud of and happy to show to one and all. You scoff? Well try it and see if you don’t behave better whenever you think that Peter Funt has his camera on you and is filming everything that you do and say. Watch yourself and pretend you are on Candid Camera!

But wait … there’s more! You might still have a problem if you are a “proud porcupine” like the guy I was telling you about and you too actually don’t have a clue what it really takes to be lovable. So here’s another tip. Female or male, if you are now in a relationship in which you were once loved, then you can use how you were then to figure out how to be now. Basically, if you were once loved then you must have been lovable at one time. So the tip is to reprise that old role as you simultaneously play to the whole world that’s watching. And I bet that if you do these two things with great diligence you’ll never be a porcupine again.

Questions and comments: submit@hpr1.com

[Editor’s note: Richard A. Kolotkin, Ph.D., is a professor in the psychology department at Minnesota State University Moorhead and a licensed psychologist with a practice in Moorhead.]

Love is a behavior

2013-04-19T16:11:25+00:00

By Dr. Richard A. Kolotkin
Staff Writer

As I thought about how I might start my inaugural column I had the idea that I could get off the ground by penning the phrase “please allow me to introduce myself.” This idea quickly faded when I realized that this beginning was neither novel nor available. I thought it wise to defer to the Rolling Stones.

So what bubbled up next?

A simple truth: Marriage is one of the hardest thing that any of us will ever do. Intimate relationships that are “marriage-like” are typically just as difficult. Though work and rearing children are hard, love and marriage are way harder. This is why those who find success in their parenting or in their vocation so often fail miserably in marriage. This is all actually pretty clear from all that we know and observe of marriage – even if its love, it is still not necessarily easy. But if you embrace this you can and will be happily married!

In my practice I often hear stories about the loss of love – tales of former soul mates now loveless and at war. This happened just the other day with a couple that I was seeing; a wife telling her husband of many years that she really did not think that he had ever loved her. And as I heard this I thought that this man, for all of his good intentions, had failed the inevitably present “marital test of love.” I thought that it was because of this that his wife felt to fundamentally unloved.

Love is a very tricky thing. It has no smell, taste, color or weight. There are no blood tests that define its presence or absence. So how can you tell when love is actually there?

You can only know if love is present through behavior. Basically, you know if someone really loves you if they treat you in a loving way. And if you love someone, the same would be true.

The truth is that it’s not really how you feel about someone that means you’re in love (since feelings of love can come from some very unhealthy places, but more on this another time), it is how they treat you and you treat them that reveals real love. And this is why there is always the test of love. It is because love is a behavior.

I am often asked about love and sometimes I am asked, “How can I tell if I am really in love with someone?” The answer to this is actually a no-brainer. All you have to do is look at how you treat that person, since if you truly love that person then you will treat that person in a loving way.

That’s always “the tell” that reveals the presence of love. Your heart can pound, you can feel deep affection, you can sigh and your heart can flutter, but if you treat someone poorly you are not in love.

It’s a simple thing, really. How do I know if you love your car? Well, if you love your car then you would treat it well. The same idea works in all romantic relationships! How do I know that you love me? I know because you treat me well. This is, in fact, the basis for the test of love. It is the reason that the test of love is always an inevitable, normal and natural part of all relationships. Its presence in your relationship is not an aberration! It is just a normal part of what happens in love and marriage.

So what is the test of love? It is our inevitable focus on the conditional, “if … then” statements that everyone has whether they know it or not.

For example, on Valentine’s Day who hasn’t said “if s/he loves me then s/he will do something special for me?” Then what do we do? We step back, we watch what happens, and then, depending on what has or has not happened, we either feel loved or we do not.

If the something special happens, then we feel loved. And if the something special fails to happen, we do not feel loved. And if we do not feel loved, then the person who has failed to do something special has also failed the test of love. It works this way all of the time, and it works this way not only on those obvious special days (such as Valentine’s Day or a birthday) but also on a daily basis.

Why is this true? It is true because this is how people work. It is true whether you like it or not and it doesn’t matter if you don’t like the idea or don’t like to be tested. This is simply the way it is. It’s such a normal thing, this test of love.

The use of conditional statements, in fact, is everywhere. We use them to understand others and we use them to learn about ourselves. It was, in fact, a conditional phrase that provoked Sally Field to gush, “You like me. You really like me!” when she accepted her Oscar in 1984 for Best Actress for “Places in the Heart.” Her conditional phrase: “If they like me then they will vote me the Oscar.” And then she got the Oscar so, concluding that they must really like her, she gushed.

Because conditional phrases and tests of love are everywhere, if you deny their existence you do so at your own peril since such denial will cause you to fail the test of love. Fail enough tests of love and your relationship will become loveless.

So whether you are about to commit to someone or are already married, these tests are probably tests that you do not want to fail since, if you do, your “passionate soul mate love” will die just as it did for the couple I saw the other day.

And what is the best way to pass the test of love? It is to be insightful and intentional about its presence. To insure that you pass the test of love you have to make a habit of asking yourself, “If I am going to show my love, then how would I do it?” Get this right and this is the best way to insure that love doesn’t die.

But what if you don’t have a clue about what you would do that would “ring true” in the heart of your loved one to pass the inevitably present test of love? What if you don’t even have a clue what items are actually on this test? Then the thing to do is ask.

What form might this take? First you say, “I love you and really want you to know this.” Then you ask your partner, “What do I need to do to show you how much I really love you?” And then you listen carefully to the answer so you can pass the test of love with flying colors. Do this diligently and you will keep those fires of early love alive.

Questions and comments: submit@hpr1.com

[Editor’s note: Richard A. Kolotkin, Ph.D., is a professor in the psychology department at Minnesota State University Moorhead and a licensed psychologist with a practice in Moorhead.]

Myrt Armstrong Recovery Center open house

2013-04-11T18:59:40+00:00

By Manda Bertrand
Staff Writer

Growing up, a woman named Myrt Armstrong saw problems in North Dakota society concerning mental health treatment, care and community involvement. So in 1952, she rented out an office, made some phone calls and founded Mental Health America of North Dakota.

“She was quite a force in and of herself,” said Cari Jehlik, who in September took on the position of director of the MHAND-supported organization Myrt Armstrong Recovery Center in Fargo.

The center has been open and running since 1985, when Armstrong was still the executive director of MHAND. The organization operates one center other than the Myrt Armstrong Recovery Center, but there are six others just like them that are independently run. The centers are spread evenly throughout eight geographical regions of North Dakota.

The Myrt Armstrong Recovery Center is open Monday through Saturday in the afternoon and evening. Patronage of the center is available to any community member struggling with mental health issues, such as a mental illness or drug dependency.

Jehlik described the center as a club for the people and by the people. It offers activities such as crafts, movies and pool tournaments, which are mostly suggested to Jehlik or other staff by members. Jehlik said the goal of the center is to provide fellowship, meals and activities to bring the center’s members to interact with the rest of the community.

The challenge that MHAND, along with the Myrt Armstrong Recovery Center, has is how to create a sustainable nonprofit organization that works against society’s stigma of mental illness and substance dependency. Jehlik said the more she is able to bring center members to actively interact with the community, the more impact the center will have in fighting the stigma that exists across North Dakota.

Next Monday, the center will open its doors for an open house from 2 to 6 p.m. to try to attract prospective members from the community. Jehlik said the center is cleverly hidden in Fargo. As a result, most members are referred by their mental health provider or counselor, and so the open house is aimed towards agencies and providers who may be able to refer someone to become a member at the center.

Membership is free, and Jehlik said that the center only requires an application to be filled out with demographic information and a referral from a mental health provider to confirm a mental health issue and a 10-minute meeting to discuss rules and expectations for members.

The center is open to anyone, and Jehlik said that she would love to see the it grow from its current 85 members. She said someday she’d like to offer exclusive membership opportunities for activities, more mentors and more resources.

Questions and comments : abertran@cord.edu

IF YOU GO

WHAT: Myrt Armstrong Recovery Center Open House
WHEN: Mon, April 15, 2-6 p.m.
WHERE: 1419 1st Ave S, Fargo
INFO: mhand.org; (701) 293-7716

You are what you drink

2013-03-08T15:35:43+00:00

By Randi Olsen
Staff Writer

It seems like people are always complaining about not having enough energy. They turn to energy drinks and soda to get them through the day. But have you ever considered that what you drink could be adding to the problem?

According to an article on associatedcontent.com, Americans, on average, drink 1.6 cans of soda daily. That’s 597 cans per year. Soda has become the largest source of calories in the American diet, but it seems to be doing more harm than good to your body.

Here are five reasons you might want to consider eliminating soda from your diet.

1. Energy suck – It’s funny that people drink pop to give them energy. The ironic thing is they are actually hindering their overall energy level with every sip they take. It may give you a burst of energy at first, but all that sugar and caffeine will lead to a crash later.

2. Save your pennies – With the economy these days, we should all be trying cut corners in the money department. Someone who drinks just two cans a day will spend around $206 a year. As prices rise, that amount will easily double or triple.

3. You are what you drink – You get out of your body what you put into it, and soda has no nutritional value. What it does have are dangerous ingredients that have been known to lead to obesity, diabetes, tooth decay, stomach and digestion issues like gastric lining erosion, headaches, heart disease and weakened bones.

A Harvard study showed that there is a strong link between soda consumption and bone fractures among teenage athletes. Girls who drank soda were about five times more likely to suffer bone fractures than girls who didn’t.

4. Good for you and good for Mother Earth – Not only will you be feeling spryer, but you will also be reducing your carbon footprint. Even if you recycle your soda cans and bottles, it still takes energy and resources to recycle them. According to the Container Recycling Institute, Americans consume 200 billion bottled and canned beverages in a year, and that number continues to increase.

5. Look good in those skinny jeans – Most people who have quit their soda addictions mention losing a significant amount of weight just from eliminating soda from their diet.

Another Harvard study shows that 12-year-olds who drank soft drinks regularly were more likely to be overweight that those who didn’t. For every additional daily serving of sugar-sweetened soft drink consumed in the two-year study, the risk of obesity increased 1.6 times.

And don’t think that switching to a diet drink is better. Diet drinks cause bloating, have more sodium, and contain aspartame, which is a toxic ingredient that can affect your vision and can cause seizures and brain tumors. They can also contain Nutrisweet, which causes excessive hunger and thirst, so you end up consuming more.

Eliminating soda pop from your diet may seem daunting or even downright impossible, but know that it is doable and worth it. Try gradually decreasing your daily consumption one can at a time. You can also start replacing soda with fruit juice, but stay away from juices with artificial flavors and sugars. A great option is to add lemon or cucumber slices to my water. It tastes great and also aids in digestion. Drinking soda every once in awhile isn’t going to do much harm, but drinking as little as one or two cans a day could cause some serious damage.

Questions and comments: randikayolsen@gmail.com

Chapul aims at cricket-balanced diet

2013-02-07T19:21:36+00:00

By Anthony Iverson
Staff Writer

For some, the thought of eating yogurt is discomforting. For many, the thought of eating sushi is absurd. For most, the thought of eating insects as a natural, healthful form of protein is unheard of.

John Beers and the staff at Chapul are working to change the American perception that eating bugs—namely crickets—as a source of protein is outlandish. Chapul, Aztec for “cricket,” is based out of Salt Lake City, Utah, and started producing energy bars that use crickets as the main source of protein in 2011.

“We’ve been really lucky so far that pretty much everyone who’s taken the bars into their stores have a really good reaction to them,” Beers said.

Amazing Grains in Grand Forks, N.D. recently announced that they will be the first grocery store in the state to carry Chapul’s unique bars.

According to Beers, crickets are one of the most available forms of natural protein around the world today.

“Cricket ranches are pretty widespread, especially here [in the western part of the United States].”

But aside from them being available, Beers also said that the use of crickets in protein bars plays an important role in water preservation, a crucial issue that too often goes unrecognized throughout the world today.

“To create a comparable amount of protein of crickets versus beef and soy, crickets use a significantly smaller amount of fresh water than, say, your traditional livestock,” Beers said.

Both he and Chapul founder Pat Crowley grew up on ranches, so it isn’t that they are anti-livestock, he said, rather, they have found a natural and environmentally-friendly form of protein to use in energy bars that ties in to preserving the world’s busiest source: water. Chapul donates 10 percent of all profits toward water sustainability projects in each area the bars are purchased.

“What we see with eating insects is a way to have a solid, really sustainable protein source using a much smaller impact on the already used-up water,” Beers said.

Beers and the people at Chapul realize that eating crickets isn’t a panacea, but they understand that it’s a step toward progress.

As for the bars themselves, they come in two different flavors: Thai (coconut ginger lime) and Chaco (peanut butter chocolate), with a new “Central America-themed flavor” currently in the works, like coffee or dark chocolate, Beers said.

“Hopefully by this time next year, we’ll have five or six flavors floating around out there,” he said.

As their organization continues to grow, the problem now becomes hurdling the American perception that eating insects is obscure, when in reality it is the norm in places like Mexico and Thailand.

Sanitariness is not the issue, Beers insisted. The process involves freezing the crickets and then baking them, which kills off any parasites, and then grinding them into a fine flour before combining that flour with different dates, almonds and chocolates.

Beers added that the bars come in clear packaging, so wary consumers can see for themselves that they won’t find a stray leg or antenna before they buy it and take a bite.

“It just takes time,” Beers said of the social aversion to eating insects. “It really is going to be a gradual thing, and we realize it’s not for everyone.”

When taken into perspective, stranger things have been eaten around the world, Beers said. And with the environmental and health benefits that this new concept provides, Americans may be the next ones to progress toward a more cricket-balanced diet.

Questions and comments: anthony.j.iverson@gmail.com

It’s in the numbers

2013-02-07T19:14:03+00:00

By Micara Link
Staff Writer
Exploring modalities of personal insight and clues into what our life paths might be can be rather fun. Most of us are familiar with things like astrology to give us an overview of our potentials based on our date of birth, but what about numbers?

Lately numbers have been calling my attention. Not only have I enjoyed learning more about numerology, but I’ve also been receiving what I believe to be, messages from the Angels in the form of number sequences. All these numbers popping into my awareness has lead me to offer Numerology Reports for people to kick start the New Year. They are fun and full of information, over 30 pages of information to be exact. I’ve found them to be pretty accurate and most of all, just plain interesting.

What is Numerology? Numerology is the study of numbers based on your date of birth that are said to provide insight into your personality, life purpose and natural tendencies. Your life path number is your main number that will give you the overall meaning of your purpose here on earth according to Numerology. To figure out your life path number you add up all the digits of your birth date in order. For example, if your birthday is February 3, 1984 (02/03/1984), you’d take 0+2+0+3+1+9+8+4 = 27, you then add these two numbers together 2+7 = 9. Your life path number is a 9. If you get a second double digit you reduce it again, for example if your birthday is 03/04/1984, 3+4+1+9+8+4 = 29, 2+9=11, 1+1 = 2. Your life path number is a 2. Although the main life path number is a 2, the double 1’s play a huge part of your energy so looking at the Life path number of 1 will also be playing a big part in your energy makeup.

Curious as to what your Life Path number has to say about you? Add up your birth date in order, make sure to continue adding until you reduce it down to a single digit, and take a peek below to get some brief insight, courtesy of seventhlifepath.com.

Life Path number 1: “Hard working, a natural born leader, has a pioneering spirit that is full of energy, and a passion for art. They have a strong desire to be number one, which means a person with this number can manifest very easily. Due to their determination and self motivation, they won’t let anything stand in their way of accomplishing a goal. Their drive allows them to overcome any obstacle or challenge they may encounter, and they have the desire to accomplish great things in their lifetime. Their only need is to focus on what they want in order to achieve it.”

Life Path number 2: “Seeks harmony and peace, and is symbolized by relationships, co-operation, and being considerate and thoughtful of others. People with a Life Path 2 are natural peacemakers, and because they see all the viewpoints in any situation, handle difficult situations with grace, and tend to be persuasive rather than forceful when trying to get their point across, people may often look to them to be a mediator in any argument. Twos are very loyal. They welcome companionship and the chance to share their lives with someone special. They are extremely sensitive to others and have the ability to truly listen. Twos are sincere, honest and open and see the best in people.”

Life Path number 3: “High level of creativity and self expression. This abundance of creative energy, and the ease with which they are able to communicate in all areas, both written word and verbal, could lead them to become a poet, actor, writer, artist or musician. In fact many writers, radio broadcasters, actors, singers, performers, and counselors share this life path number. Threes are optimistic, extremely generous and giving souls, and are able to find positive in everything around them.”

Life Path number 4: “The worker bees of society. Fours are determined, practical and hard working. Down-to-earth is a term that is probably often used to describe you. You find hard work rewarding and don’t look for the easy way to the top or to finding success. Not only do you work hard yourself, but you expect the same from those around you. Fours like to be organized and have a plan in place before they conquer a task. They tend to be set in their ways and are drawn to leading an orderly life.”

Life Path of 5: “Fives are adventurers, they seek freedom, having a restless nature, and are constantly seeking change and variety in life. They have a free spirit and need to have variety in their day. If they do not live the adventure, their lives become way too dramatic.

“They love meeting new people, trying new things, and living life for today, and curiosity leads them to constantly try to find the answers to life’s questions. “Conservative” is a word that is probably never used to describe them, as they love taking risks, and hate routine and repetition.”

Life Path 6: “Sixes tend to be very focused on the home, family, or community they reside in. They are very loving, warm, understanding, compassionate, responsible and interested in pleasing others. You are an excellent caretaker and provider, and enjoy being of service to others, and this is especially true with your family and friends. You life revolves around home and family, and your parenting instincts are very strong. The word domestic most likely describes you well, and one job you would love is being a stay at home parent.”

Life Path 7: “Sevens tend to have a loner quality. They need to learn to have faith. If they do not have faith they tend to become very cynical and escape through drugs, alcohol, work, and geography. They have a love of natural beauty: ocean, green grass, plants, flowers, etc. Sevens have an air of mystery and do not want you to know who they are. Intellectual, analytical, intuitive, reserved, natural inclination towards spiritual subjects, aloof, loner, pessimistic, secretive, and insecure; are some of the qualities of those born into the Seventh Life path. A person who is a Life Path 7 is a thinker. If your Life Path is a 7 you are wise and studious. You seek truth and wisdom in all that you do, and search for the underlying answers in everything. Your tendency is to be a perfectionist, and you expect the same from those around you.”

Life Path 8: “Eights tend to be independent thinkers and decision-makers. It is difficult for an Eight to take advice. When they make a choice, they must feel it is their decision, not someone else’s. As a result, they do tend to learn the hard way. Eights are very honest and by being so blunt, they unintentionally hurt feelings. Although they can sometimes appear insensitive, what is going on inside them is the exact opposite. They do feel deeply about everything that goes on in their lives. People with a Life Path 8 are born with natural leadership skills. If your Life Path is an 8 you are very ambitious and goal oriented. You have strong organizational skills and broad vision which make you successful in business.”

Life Path 9: “Those born with a Life Path number 9 are natural leaders, and they assume they are in charge even if they are not. If in a department store, people think they work there. They take care of everyone else but need to learn to speak up when they need help, love and hugs. Nines often feel unloved or abandoned by their mother or father, or they feel completely responsible for them. It’s hard for them to let go of the past. Nines are natural humanitarians with an extremely strong sense of compassion and generosity. You are selfless and helping others is very important to you. You not only want to help others, but you feel very deeply for those less fortunate than yourself.”

Interesting, right? If you’d like a full report, I have a New Year Special for $49 that expires 1/31/13, but if you mention that you saw this in the High Plains Reader I will extend the offer to you. More information can be found at http://www.MicaraLink.com

Questions and comments: micara@micaralink.com

Nourishment for the coldest day of the year

2013-01-25T18:08:10+00:00

By Randi Olsen
Staff Writer

Naturally, winter is a time of rest. Plants cease to grow, animals hibernate, and life just seems to slow down a bit. Even though life doesn’t stop for us in the winter, we still have a tendency to cuddle up, slow down and crave our warm comfort food.

It’s also the season for the sniffles, and this year has been especially bad for colds and flus. Many of us are running to the clinic for the flu shot and stocking up on antibiotics, but there are other precautions to take to protect us from the winter blues.

The condition of our immune system is directly related to condition of our digestive system. Nearly three quarters of our immune system dwells in the digestive tract. According to Eastern Medicine, winter is when our digestive system is the strongest, and that is why we crave heavier foods.

Winter can actually be a great time to boost your immune system. The seasonal foods that are available during the winter months are full of the nutrients we need to build our immune system naturally.

A lot of the traditional flavors we associate with winter; like ginger, cinnamon, and nutmeg; warm the body, increase circulation, and promote digestion. Hearty root vegetables, like pumpkins, carrots and butternut squash, are full of immune-supporting bioflavonoids, beta-carotene, and vitamin C.

There are plenty of delicious, infection-fighting foods to incorporate into your diet this winter, but here are a few all-stars that are tasty and easy to enjoy.

Garlic: Garlic is one of the best things you can put in your body. It is a powerful natural antibiotic, and unlike prescription antibiotics, garlic strengthens your immune system as it kills off the harmful bacteria.

You can cook with more garlic, but an even better option is to take garlic supplements available at our local health food stores. That way you can ingest larger amounts – and avoid garlic breath. Be sure to start taking them right as your symptoms surface. You’ll be amazed at how quickly your cold symptoms will cease.

Ginger: Ginger is often used to ease any digestive discomfort and nausea, but it is also good for clearing up congestion in the lungs, increasing circulation, decreasing inflammation and acting as an antioxidant. Sipping on ginger tea is a great way to incorporate this super food into your diet.

Kale: This leafy green is jam-packed with nutrients that strengthen the body. It supports liver function and is rich in calcium, potassium, magnesium, iron and vitamin C. Add handfuls of kale to your salads, mix it into soups, or blend it up in a green smoothie.

Sweet Potatoes: Sweet Potatoes are high in fiber, which keeps the digestive system moving right along. It is also high in beta-carotene, vitamin C and other minerals that strengthen the immune system. You can toss cut up sweet potatoes in olive oil and herbs, and bake them in the oven for a tasty snack.

As Hippocrates said, “Let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food.” Our bodies were made to heal themselves, but it can only do that if we give it the fuel to do so. By giving our bodies the comforting nutrients it needs on a daily basis during the winter months, we will have a strong army in place to battle off those nasty cold and flu bugs.

So now that the holiday cheer honeymoon phase of winter is over and we are left with wind-blustered days and bitter cold nights, let the comfort foods of the season calm your cough and warm your belly.

Questions and comments: randbo311@gmail.com

2013 energy report

2013-01-25T17:11:51+00:00

Relationships, communities, oneness and unity

By Micara Link
Staff Writer

A few weeks before the turn of the new year I began to get some impressions about what 2013 was going to be about; the themes, energy and focus for the planet. The first image I was given was little pods coming together like magnets. These pods are soul groups or soul families being magnetized to each other. This year, relationships are definitely on the forefront; relationships of every kind: personal, business, local community and global. The energy of this year is about connection, oneness and unity.

Soul groups will be created and strengthened more and more, and people in your life who no longer match your vibration will be falling away. Relationship issues that need to be healed will be surfacing. It’s time to face them, heal and move forward. You are going to be witnessing this very easily as it will be happening right before your eyes. You can expect a lot of relationship rearrangement in your life in the months ahead.

Not only will our personal relationships be magnified, but so will the relationships in our communities. We will be asked to answer some tough questions that will be affecting many people: What do we need to do as a community to come together? What type of leaders do we want? What is no longer working? How can we create a healthy and prosperous community for our friends and families? What is in the best interest of everyone involved? Issues will rise to the surface so we can work through them, ultimately helping all of us as people to come together more cohesively.

I’m seeing a cascade of energy flow over our relationships. It starts with our personal relationships (friends and family), then it moves to our business or work relationships, community, then, ultimately, to our global family. The energy you create within your personal relationships will affect your business/work relationships, those relationships will affect your community, and our relationships with our communities will send a ripple effect out into our global community. Our oneness, connection and unity will be highlighted this year through this ripple effect. It’s time for all of us to truly see and experience our connections and similarity rather than separation and differences.

On a global level we are going to be seeing more and more humanitarian and volunteer efforts reaching success. What I mean is that I see these efforts creating the healing that they are intended to create. For example, remember Invisible Children’s Kony 2012 movement? Well, this year, the chances of actually capturing Kony are high. I’m using this as an example to represent ALL peace movements like this, it may or may not be Kony or the Invisible Children, but organizations that are related.

The last piece of information I see coming forward is the throat chakra. This year we need to be conscious communicators speaking authentically from the heart. Our words and way of expressing ourselves will create bridges where there were none before, as well as help assist the necessary changes that will be taking place amongst us all. When we say what we mean and mean what we say, things get done and all the bullshit is cleared away. Do your best this year to speak authentically. Own your words and own your truth.

Every year brings in something new for us to focus on and this year it is our relationships and communities. We will be reminded again and again that we are here for each other, that what I do affects you and what you do affects me. No matter what our backgrounds are, we are more alike than different. We are not in this alone. Each action, thought, word, and deed does create the reality we all experience. Let’s remember this throughout the year when we’re about to make a decision, let’s ask ourselves: “Will this benefit those involved?” “Am I speaking positively and honestly?” “Will my actions strengthen healing or destruction?” And if you’d like to get proactive, begin by asking yourself, “How can I be of service? What acts of kindness can I create today?” Shift your focus to the world around you and look for opportunities to be kind and generous. Your act, no matter how big or small, is powerful.

Questions and comments: soulspirations@live.com

As luck would have it … 2013 should be a good year

2013-01-10T16:36:29+00:00

By Beth Diane Bradley
Contributing Writer

The year 2013. For most of us, it’s just another year. But for those who suffer from triskaidekaphobia, or fear of the number 13, it may feel like the next apocalyptic event—minus the Mayans.

I once owned a black cat, and have broken a few mirrors over the years. But thanks to countless warnings by Stevie Wonder, I’ve chosen not to be superstitious.

It all started when my youngest son was born on Sunday, Aug. 13, 1989. I tried to push him out on the 12th, just to be doubly sure he wouldn’t be cursed – but missed the deadline by twenty minutes. Ever since then, I have taken a proactive stance against superstition – by making 13 my lucky number.

Fast forward past potty training, spelling words and driver’s ed, to the day my oldest son came home from college with a small tattoo on the back of his neck that said “Lucky 13.” When I asked him why he chose it, he explained a friend of his worked at a tattoo parlor that offered a special on Friday the 13th for any tattoo featuring the number 13. While not the most compelling reason to choose a tattoo, it has always been his nature to help out a friend.

Since then, I have had two addresses in a row featuring the number 13, first an apartment number, and then a street and house number. Since 13 was beginning to follow me around, I decided I’d better do some research.

I was pretty sure I had heard the phrase “lucky 13” prior to reading it on the back of my son’s neck. And there was plenty of information online to back up my hunch.

Numerologists – and who is a better authority on numbers, after all – have my back on this. The phrases “three’s a charm” and “we’re number one” are popular for good reason. The number three represents creativity, completion, order, advancement and mystery. The number one is symbolic of beginnings, initiation, solidarity, unity and birth.

When the two numbers are used together, they tell a story of a path that is just beginning, and will lead to greatness by expressing the union of opposites. The number thirteen is a prime number and is only divisible by itself. This is symbolic of an incorruptible nature, purity and integrity. It’s probably a good thing 2013 is not an election year.

To indigenous cultures, the number 13 had spiritual significance, and was often used in ritual art and ceremonial songs. Ancient Egyptians held the belief that the number 13 was lucky. They considered the moon sacred, finding significance in the 13 full moons per year and the 13 weeks per season.

There are also positive associations with the number 13 in Judaism, such as the 13 tribes of Israel and 13 attributes of Mercy. And according to Christian tradition, Jesus received the three Magi on the 13th day of his life, which was once associated with the Epiphany.
At the Last Supper, there were a total of 13 in attendance. Tradition says that Judas was the 13th to sit at the table and the first to leave; however, there are others who consider Christ to be the 13th person at the table.

Some historians speculate the Christian church discredited pagan or indigenous beliefs by misrepresenting the number 13 as being connected with frightening rituals and evil. The number was also related to goddess worship and feminine empowerment, which most likely didn’t sit well with the patriarchal church leadership.

For those who believe in Tarot cards, the number 13 is associated with the death card. Although it sounds foreboding, it is not intended to represent your pending physical death, but merely a life transition. One door closes, another opens.

And if you still don’t believe the number 13 can be lucky, just stop in at a bakery for a baker’s dozen. In Medieval times, authorities punished bakers for cheating their customers, so bakers were required to throw in an extra roll to ensure the transaction was fair. Or for my son, and anyone else with a birthday on the 13th, let’s make that a cup cake.

Questions and comments: bethdiane@hotmail.com