HijiNKS ENSUE - A Geek Comic

Know What I’m Saying, Holmes?

Joel — Thu, 17 May 2012 04:40:48 +0000

NOTE TO RSS READERS: Based on your feedback I have decided to just put thumbnail image of the comic in the RSS feed. Here’s hoping this doesn’t impair the usability of the site for you, since it has the potential to positively impact my ad revenue.

Donation subscribers of any level will get access to an RSS feed with the full comic in it.
I have added $2, $3, and $4 monthly donation subscription options.

Read more about the new direction I am taking the comic in and how you can help HERE if you haven’t already.

UPDATE 05/18/12: Donation subscribers of any level will get access to an RSS feed with the full comic in it.

I am going to be at Dallas Comic Con this weekend with Randy Milholland of Something Positive. I will ONLY BE THERE SATURDAY. Randy will be there Saturday and Sunday. You can find us at table 132. I will have books, prints, stickers and sketch cards, but no shirts. Really testing the waters on this one. If you guys come out and make it a good show, I will probably be back next year in full force.

Here’s another stand alone to break up the continuity before the next mini story arc. Read more about the new direction I am taking the comic in and how you can help HERE if you haven’t already.

Gigantic thanks to everyone that has donated last week, especially to the new donation subscribers. If you enjoy HE and would like to see it continue and even flourish, I have added $2, $3, and $4 monthly donation subscription options. If you can spare $2 a month for a bunch of comics, I would consider you to be a pretty awesome type of person.

I am giving T-shirt ads in the posts a rest for a couple of weeks while I make some new ones, but why not check out The HE Store anyway? It’s still there.

Professional Science Doers project that by 2020 we will have moved to an entirely Sherlock Holmes-based entertainment society. Between House, Moffat’s Sherlock, Robert Downey Jr.’s steampunk bromance with Jude Law, and the new CBS Holmes series, Elementary, I just don’t see any way out of this inevitability. I say we all start investing in double-brimmed caps, pipes, magnifying glasses and cocaine before the crowd gets wind of this. And yes, I am counting any and all modern iterations of Jekyll And Hyde in this equation for obvious reasons. Or rather, for what are OBVIOUSLY reasons. Reasons that I have. Reasons that you should not question. Reasons involving scarves.

COMMENTERS: Do we need a new Holmes-boy, or is one Sherlock enough? Any thoughts on the upcoming House series finale? How are you hoping it will resolve? Personally I’m glad it’s ending now rather than dragging for another year. This last season really felt like a running start towards the shark with strong intent to jump. Otherwise, please make up more silly British detective names.

Location, Location, Location

Joel — Wed, 16 May 2012 03:47:42 +0000

Donation subscribers of any level will get access to an RSS feed with the full comic in it.
I have added $2, $3, and $4 monthly donation subscription options.

Read more about the new direction I am taking the comic in and how you can help HERE if you haven’t already.

The first mini-story arc is over. There are going to be a couple of stand alone gag comics before the next bit of continuity starts. Read more about the new direction I am taking the comic in and how you can help HERE if you haven’t already.

Gigantic thanks to everyone that has donated last week, especially to the new donation subscribers. If you enjoy HE and would like to see it continue and even flourish, I have added $2, $3, and $4 monthly donation subscription options. If you can spare $2 a month for a bunch of comics, I would consider you to be a pretty awesome type of person.

I am giving T-shirt ads in the posts a rest for a couple of weeks while I make some new ones, but why not check out The HE Store anyway? It’s still there.

Who would have known Sean Hannity was decended from the Qartheen?

Game Of Thrones basically boils down to matters of real estate. Everyone wants to be their own, as well as everyone else’s, landlord. The desire to collect rent AND not pay it are the only real driving forces behind those seeking power in Westeros. Well, that and sex. Everyone does seem to enjoy a healthy bit of boot-knockery. Everyone except Jon Snow, that is. I bet even Hodor has a romantic trist with a wine barrel or a dresser every now and then. A giant has needs. Hodor (Hodor).

A few notes about Season 2 of Game Of Thrones: A couple of episodes back when Tyrion slapped Joffrey and delivered the line, “And now I have struck a king. Did my hand fall from my wrist?!” I ran out into the street and slapped the shit out of the first privileged blond boy I could find. Stop seducing me, Peter Dinklage! I am a married man (call me)! Is the richest guy in Qarth named Count Duckula Ducksauce? It sure sounds like that’s what he’s saying. Don’t tell me if that isn’t his name. For next season, they either need twice as many episodes or to kill all of the characters twice as fast. As it is, each of the 11 storylines only get a few minutes of screen time a week, which is INCREDIBLY frustrating. I miss Ned.

Now, I’m going to go draw a bath, pour myself a glass of wine and watch a 4 hour loop of Tyrion slapping Joffrey. I’ll probably light some candles.

COMMENTERS: Please make your own “Welcome To…” or other tourism-type slogan for you favorite or least favorite fictional city, village, planet, dimension, etc.

NOTE TO RSS READERS: Based on all of your feedback I have decided to try just putting a thumbnail image with full blog posts in the RSS feed. Seems like most of you don’t mind clicking through since you are using the RSS just a reminder that there is a new comic. Here’s hoping this doesn’t impair the usability of the site for you, since it has the potential to greatly impact my ad revenue. I am also working on the possibility of a premium RSS feed for donation subscribers.

UPDATE 05/18/12: Donation subscribers of any level will get access to an RSS feed with the full comic in it.

I Will Avenger You. Will You Avenger Me?

Joel — Tue, 15 May 2012 04:35:35 +0000

Donation subscribers of any level will get access to an RSS feed with the full comic in it.
I have added $2, $3, and $4 monthly donation subscription options.

Read more about the new direction I am taking the comic in and how you can help HERE if you haven’t already.

UPDATE 05/18/12: Donation subscribers of any level will get access to an RSS feed with the full comic in it.

Read more about the new direction I am taking the comic in and how you can help HERE if you haven’t already.

Gigantic thanks to everyone that has donated last week, especially to the new donation subscribers. If you enjoy HE and would like to see it continue and even flourish, I have added $2, $3, and $4 monthly donation subscription options. If you can spare $2 a month for a bunch of comics, I would consider you to be a pretty awesome type of person.

And thus ends my first mini story arc. I hope you are enjoying the new format so far. It’s been a lot of fun to write, but there have also been several unexpected challenges. I found myself asking questions like, “Wait, should I show them going INTO the theater? Is the setting clear? Can you tell how much time has passed since the last comic?” Simple stuff, but stuff I’ve never had to deal with none the less. I am really enjoying the ability to expand on a joke or a premise from day to day instead of trying to cram it all into one comic or truncate everything I want to say. It feels like the room suddenly got bigger and I have more space to walk around. I am going to do one or two stand alone comics next, then pick up with a new short story line. I suspect that’s how things will go for the time being.

Friday (5/11/12) was the 5 year anniversary of HijiNKS ENSUE. Thanks to all the Fancy Bastards for the kind words and encouragement that have been pouring in via email, comments and twitter over the last week. I couldn’t do this weird, amazing job without you, nor would I want to.

I have and idea for an Avengers themed restaurant. I bet people would really enjoy the experience of dressing up in fancy costumes, getting the shit kicked out of them for a few hours, then being fed Middle Eastern food with questionable ingredients while they bled all over the floor. It’s like Medieval Times but awesome. I am looking for investors, and this is your opportunity to get in on the ground floor. Watch your step, the ground floor is covered in our patrons’ blood.

COMMENTERS: What famous movie scene do you think would make for a great (or terrible) theme restaurant? How about a Beetlejuice restaurant where your shrimp cocktail turns into a hand and tries to kill you? Or a Pulp Fiction restaurant where you get to eat classic American diner food while two hitmen in their underwear try to diffuse a robbery? Can you imagine how much fun it would be to eat under a table with your face on the floor while everyone is screaming and waiving guns around?

You Don’t Have To Go Home, But You Can’t Stay Here

Joel — Fri, 11 May 2012 04:27:23 +0000

Donation subscribers of any level will get access to an RSS feed with the full comic in it.
I have added $2, $3, and $4 monthly donation subscription options.

Read more about the new direction I am taking the comic in and how you can help HERE if you haven’t already.

Alternate Title: “A Shawarma Bees” - I did not use this title because, despite making me laugh for an hour, it doesn’t make any sense.

Read more about the new direction I am taking the comic in and how you can help HERE if you haven’t already.

Gigantic thanks to everyone that has donated in the last couple of days, especially to the new donation subscribers. If you enjoy HE and would like to see it continue and even flourish, I have added $2, $3, and $4 monthly donation subscription options. If you can spare $2 a month for a bunch of free comics, I would consider you to be a pretty awesome type of person.

I’m not sure a Marvel movie post-credits scene has ever gotten me quite so excited-pants as the one in The Avengers. Who knows if they will follow up that plot thread in the first sequel, or save it for a third? Either way, based on how well executed this first outing was, and assuming Whedon will he at the helm of future sequels, I have high hopes for where this is all going. [SPOILERS: It is going to space and shit is going to get CRAZY real.]

So after the post-credits scene, all the chumps (and all the teens… TEEEEEENS!) piled out of the theater like a bunch of chumps. When are chumps going to learn to stop playing themselves like chumps all the time? The post-post credits scene was… it’s basically the geek film equivalent of DaVinci’s “The Last Supper.” [no pun intended]. Note to self: Actually draw that. That would be hilarious.

On a special note, a MAGICAL thing happened to me at Starbucks tonight. My wife and I were witness to quite possibly THE WORST first date any two human beings have ever had. I live tweeted the whole thing and have collected the unbearably awkward joy for you HERE. I don’t know why I was chosen to receive this gift, but I will do my best to honor it and share it with the world.

COMMENTERS: I’m going to tread lightly since I know not all of you have seen The Avengers yet. Don’t click this link if you don’t want the 2nd post-credits scene spoiled. So a certain type of… ethnic… product has seen a MAJOR boost in sales since The Avengers came out. Has there ever been a movie that made you aware of a food, product or any other useful and enjoyable thing that WASN’T specifically an advertisement? Did you start wearing trench coats after The Matrix? Did you start wearing cleric’s robes after The Matrix: Revolutions? What’s wrong with you?

NOTE TO RSS READERS: Based on all of your feedback I have decided to try just putting a thumbnail image with full blog posts in the RSS feed. Seems like most of you don’t mind clicking through since you are using the RSS just a reminder that there is a new comic. Here’s hoping this doesn’t impair the usability of the site for you, since it has the potential to greatly impact my ad revenue. I am also working on the possibility of a premium RSS feed for donation subscribers.

UPDATE 05/18/12: Donation subscribers of any level will get access to an RSS feed with the full comic in it.

Waiving A New Banner

Joel — Thu, 10 May 2012 04:10:40 +0000

Donation subscribers of any level will get access to an RSS feed with the full comic in it.
I have added $2, $3, and $4 monthly donation subscription options.

Read more about the new direction I am taking the comic in and how you can help HERE if you haven’t already.

Alternate Title: “Hunting Ruffalo”

Why are things happening in the comic that seem to relate to things that happened in yesterday’s comic and the day before’s comic? Because times, they are a changin’. Also comics. Comics are a thing that is also a changin’. Specifically HijiNKS ENSUE comics. Read more about it HERE if you haven’t already.

Gigantic thanks to everyone that has donated in the last couple of days, especially to the new donation subscribers. If you enjoy HE and would like to see it continue and even flourish, I have added $2, $3, and $4 monthly donation subscription options. If you can spare $2 a month for a bunch of free comics, I would consider you to be a pretty awesome type of person.

I wrote about it in my big Avengers review on Monday, but it bears repeating: HOLY DAMNBASKETS I LOVED THE HULK IN THIS MOVIE!!! Leave it to Whedon to take a character I have been ignoring for 20 years and turn him into the entire heart and soul of the film. Also, let me take this opportunity to address any of your reading that may work in Hollywood. I am pitching a new half hour 3-camera comedy called Leave It To Whedon. It centers around a precocious little redhead who keeps getting into all sorts of trouble because he can’t seem to work within the Hollywood machine. He keeps choosing artistic vision and thoughtful storytelling over easily digestible, mass appeal money making. Also he has a paper route and his dog dies in pretty much every episode. Usually just after you REALLY start to care about the dog. BAM! Milk truck or whatever. SPOILERS: In the season one finale he breaks the box office record for opening weekend and all of a sudden the bullies that always pick on him want to be his friend and greenlight all his pet projects. Season two will deal with the production of Serenity 2: See, You Cocksuckers? I Told You!

Here’s a big Avengers related link dump:

COMMENTERS: Has there ever been a film, Tv, comic or other media adaptation that turned a previously hated character or franchise around for you? I was NEVER a fan of DC comics at all as a kid, but Batman: The Animated Series really got me into the characters and (besides just being a fantastic show) ended up being an easy entre into an intimidatingly large world of characters and continuity. After that I got into a few DC titles following the death of Superman. I still think their animated stuff is top notch. Young Justice is probably the only show besides Fringe that I get excited for each week. OK, now I’m super off topic, so go back and read the question and answer away!

SIDE NOTE: Based on all of your feedback I have decided to try just putting a thumbnail image with full blog posts in the RSS feed. Seems like most of you don’t mind clicking through since you are using the RSS just a reminder that there is a new comic. Here’s hoping this doesn’t impair the usability of the site for you, since it has the potential to greatly impact my ad revenue.

UPDATE 05/18/12: Donation subscribers of any level will get access to an RSS feed with the full comic in it.

The Big Chill

Joel — Wed, 09 May 2012 04:28:18 +0000

Donation subscribers of any level will get access to an RSS feed with the full comic in it.
I have added $2, $3, and $4 monthly donation subscription options.

Read more about the new direction I am taking the comic in and how you can help HERE if you haven’t already.

If this comic makes no sense or seems out of place, perhaps it is because you didn’t read yesterday’s comic. Oh, what’s that? You didn’t notice the continuity? Well, it’s new. We just had it installed. I’m not sure if I like the color, but we have 30 days to return it, so…

If you are still confused, the guys WERE in line to see The Avengers and now they ARE in the theater, taking their seats. A betting man might assume they will next be watching the movie, then perhaps after that the movie will be over.

There has been nothing short of an outpouring of support from you, The Fancy Bastards, regarding my blog post yesterday dealing with the shortcomings I see in the comic and the changes/improvements I want to make. I am not exaggerating when I say I spent the whole of Tuesday reading comments, emails and tweets, processing them, responding to as many as I could and just thinking about what you guys had to say. The reactions ranged from “I love the comic and I will continue to support whatever you decide to do,” to “While I do still enjoy the comic, I don’t read it as much and I think you’re right in wanting to fix all those things that you want to fix,” to “YES! All of those things are wrong with the comic! Also here is another list of all the things you are doing wrong! Fix those things now!” Granted, that last group was a vast minority, but for some reason their words rang the loudest between my ears inside my overstressed, emotionally exhausted brains.

Major thanks to everyone that donated yesterday, especially to the few new donation subscribers. If you enjoy HE and would like to see it continue, I have added $2, $3, and $4 monthly donation subscription options. If you can spare $2 a month for a bunch of free comics, I would very much appreciate it.

It’s taking every single ounce of… is humility the word? Probably not. Anyway, it’s taking all of the stuff that I can muster… MUSTERSTUFF! That’s the word! It’s taking all of that to read the comments and really absorb the constructive criticism without taking it too personally or getting offended. I basically opened a huge wound then gave everyone one of your a band-aid and a jar of pee and asked you NOT to throw the jar of pee at the wound. There’s sand in the pee jar too. It’s a bad scene where open wounds are concerned. A day later, I am extremely grateful for the band-aids and even the slightly pee-soaked band-aids… OK this metaphor was out of hand before it even started. Abandoning metaphor. Thank you for the feedback. I’m keeping a running list of ideas that I’ve gotten from you guys and I will be considering them strongly and implementing many of the changes you’ve suggested the make sense.

I was really shocked by the number of people that suggested that I take the comic out of the RSS feed and instead just give a link to the site in order to improve ad revenue. These comments came mainly from people who read the comic in the RSS feed. I don’t know how I feel about that since I read everything in Google Reader and get frustrated when I am linked out of it, but I am willing to experiment with anything at this point.

I can certainly say that writing for this week has gone MUCH faster than it typically does. The concept of “picking up where I left off” is altogether new to me and is far preferable to desperately searching for a new topic to write about every day. I am still scared of this new territory, but I am already optimistic about the direction I am taking the comic and my ability to produce better comics, more often and with some degree of reliability in terms of update schedule. More on that as this phase of The Experiment progresses.

COMMENTERS: What’s the worst thing you’ve ever seen anyone do in a movie theater? I mean, being a teen is pretty bad, but one time I was seeing Equilibrium and a dude just it up a freakin’ cigarette. IN THE THEATER! That’s some seriously sociopathic behavior. Another time, while watching either Paycheck or The Time Machine (I don’t remember which), I had to yell at a guy to wake him up because he was snoring so loud. I don’t remember the film, but once I saw a mom let her two small boys run up and down the aisles of the theater with toy swords during the entire movie. They were like teens, only smaller. It was terrible.

4 Year Experimentiversary, 5 Year Anniversary & More Experimenting

Joel — Tue, 08 May 2012 02:32:00 +0000

Donation subscribers of any level will get access to an RSS feed with the full comic in it.
I have added $2, $3, and $4 monthly donation subscription options.

Read more about the new direction I am taking the comic in and how you can help HERE if you haven’t already.

I didn’t realize until after I got home from Emerald City Comicon that I had forgotten to mention the 4 year anniversary of The Experiment. I have officially been professionally unemployed making comics for 4 years as of March 31, 2012. People used to ask me all the time, ” How is the experiment going?” To which I would reply, “It’s going. I’m still doing it. There are ups and downs, but I haven’t given up.” The more and more I gave that answer, which I thought to be a bit an over simplified response seeing as how I didn’t want to get into the details of nearly missed mortgage payments, mounting credit card debt due to travel expenses and rest of the struggles that come with self employment with every person that asked, the more I realized it was actually the most honest answer I could give. There wasn’t actually an end goal for The Experiment. I never said, “If I can do this for 5 years, I have won.” The goal was to just keep doing it. To keep making comics for a living. To sustain myself and my family through following my passion and doing what I love. The unspecified addendum to that ideal was that in order for it to be a success, I had to keep doing it forever. So the actual and honest response to, “How’s The Experiment going?” is “As long as this is my job, I am winning.”

That said, so far 2012 and has been far more difficult financially than 2011 was. My readership is actually way down from the end of the last year. This directly affects every way that I make an income. Ad sales are down, merch sales are down, and donations are WAY down while expenses due to conventions and travel just keep going up and up. It’s been a tough few months and I’ve been constantly thinking about what I can do to turn things around. All of the way in which I can make money come down to simple numbers. The more people looking at my comics every day the less I will have to struggle to make a living. With that in mind I started evaluating why someone might enjoy my comic initially then stop reading it, or read it irregularly and eventually forget about it. I listened to what readers said at conventions, I talked with some of my peers and I studied what it was about comics in general that made people come back day after day.

At first, I thought the answer was “story.” Readers get hooked by story and can’t miss an update or they won’t know what’s happening. Well, HE doesn’t have a story, and I really never had any intention of working one in. The purpose of HE is to provide commentary on geek pop culture through the eyes of its characters… DING DING DING! Characters. That was the answer. The most popular story comics on the internet aren’t breaking any new ground. They primarily deal with relationships, jobs, emotional issues – sitcom stuff. These scenarios are NOT hard to come up with, and writing them has never held any real interest for me. So if it isn’t the amazing originality of the situations, it must be the characters and how they deal with the situations they are put into that people gravitate to so much. Now look, I KNOW this is common knowledge and had you asked me in ANY OTHER context than that of my own creative output, I would have been able to rattle off the answer instantly. I’d just never seen my comics that way.

Now here’s the rub. HE used to have a very strong character element along with the humor. I started looking back at old comics and thinking back to the comments I used to get an conventions and the emails I would receive and the number one positive remark I would get is that the “characters are just like me and my friends,” or “I love Josh because he reminds me of my friend,” etc. Then all of a sudden these comments stopped. What changed? I reread my old comics again and realized that as I started traveling more and my daughter got older (requiring more and more time for her extracurricular activities), I started seeing the real life Josh and Eli less and less. In fact, I probably haven’t seen either of them more than once or twice in 2012. Our social realities just don’t align that well any more. It’s a fact of life and a byproduct of having children. I don’t love them any less, and I don’t believe we have grown apart as friends. The time to just fuck around and be silly with each other just isn’t there nearly as often as it used to be.

The result of this decreased exposure to the inspiration for my characters was that I lost my crutch. I had never been forced to create personalities for the characters since I would just observe the real people behind them and exaggerate their actions and reactions. Sometime around the middle to end of 2011 I really started writing in a singular voice. Every character was interchangeable and while I think the joke writing got MUCH tighter as time went by, the character development essentially vanished. This was never more evident than in the fact that NO ONE ever seemed to know the names of the characters. As one of my peers, who I respect greatly, told me, “Your characters are interchangeable. People love our characters and that’s why they love the comic.” I used to say, “The characters in HE are just there to service the joke,” as if it was one of the selling points of the comic. If that was the case, why would I keep drawing the same guys over and over? I didn’t realize I was admitting a shortcoming of the strip and disguising it as a feature.

So where does that leave me? Well, this Friday May 11th is the 5 year anniversary of HijiNKS ENSUE. I think that’s as good a milestone as any to re-evaluate what I’m doing, what I should be doing and what direction I am heading in. To that end, I would like to announce a new experiment of sorts. I am going to start devoting more time in HijiNKS ENSUE to getting to know the characters. Not necessarily their jobs, relationship or other sitcom type stuff (which still doesn’t interest me), but more their characteristics, quirks and view points. I want to teach myself (by doing) how to write in a voice that is not my own. I want to recapture that individuality the HE characters had in the early years before they became prisoners of my own head and parrots for my own point of view. The best part of this new direction is, if I do it correctly you shouldn’t even notice the change. You might just find yourself more interested in checking the site more often and getting your friends interested in the comic as well.

The first step down this terrifying new path involves location. I am going to experiment with having the characters fixed at one location, setting or event for more than one comic at a time. Their conversations might carry over for several days before shifting to another topic. I believe the ancient Greeks called this con… continuity? Yes, I think that’s right. Again, these will not be stories per se, but rather little chunks of continuing subject matter (like the “Under The Bridge Downtown” comics). For starters all of the comics for this week, starting with THIS ONE, will take place at The Avengers (before, during and after the film). Depending on the response to this change, I may do this for a week or so at a time, and intersperse it with one off gags to break things up. Beyond that, I don’t really have a plan other than to try new things and see what feels right.

What do I need from you? Just to keep an open mind. If you are of the opinion that HE is perfect as is and should not change, all I can say is A) Thank you, and B) You are wrong. My audience plateaued over a year ago and hasn’t seen any sustained growth in that time. In order for me to reach my goals of financial stability, toiling in obscurity cannot be a part of the equation. Luckily for this fictional guy that loves the comic and fears change, I have no plans to change the actual humor of the strip. Just the context in which that humor is presented. For each 3 panel HE comic I usually write a page worth of dialog, then trim the fat. With this new format I should be able to write 3-4 pages of dialog on a few related subjects then actually craft that into a 3-4 comic arc. I would also appreciate it if you, after reading the comics this week, shared some feedback with me. I would rather that you email comics (at) hijinks ensue (dot) com with your thoughts than post them publicly, and I don’t necessarily want to know what you think until you’ve read all of this week’s comics, though I will never discourage honest communication (and you are certainly encouraged to comment on this post if you have questions or words of support). Then, if you dig the way things are going, how about telling EVERY SINGLE PERSON YOU KNOW? Post about HE on your Twitter, Facebook, Tumblr, etc like an insane person who is extremely fixated on one particular geek comic and REALLY wants everyone else to read it. I would consider that a kindness.

I am extremely scared and pretty damn excited about trying something new. I hope you (and I) will be pleased with the results. I hope I will be making a somewhat similar post about the continuing future of HE in another 5 years. I hope people are still allowed to make fun of stuff on the Internet in 5 years. I hope the A.I. Arachno-drones that police our homes and monitor our thoughts will take favor with my offerings and allow me to continue to make a living through putting silly pixels on your computers.

Godspeed, You Fancy Bastards!

~Joel

The Unwashed Masses

Joel — Tue, 08 May 2012 01:33:21 +0000

Donation subscribers of any level will get access to an RSS feed with the full comic in it.
I have added $2, $3, and $4 monthly donation subscription options.

Read more about the new direction I am taking the comic in and how you can help HERE if you haven’t already.

I’m doing something different with the comics starting this week. A bit of an experiment, or rather a continuation of The Experiment. I could certainly use your feedback and your support. Please take a few minutes and READ MORE here.

The thing I hate the most about going to movies in the theater, especially popular ones, is the people. Specifically the teens. I HATE YOU TEENS! I HATE YOUR STUPID PRETTY BUT STILL AWKWARD FACES! I am an adult, and as such I believe I have a right to live a life totally devoid of teens. I am all for teen segregation. They already have their own schools. Why not their own restaurants and movie theaters?

“George Hurt You” shirts are in the store!!! Let the healing begin.

There was a kid in line behind me bitching THE ENTIRE TIME about how “fucking retarded” this particular movie theater was because he stood in the wrong line for an hour and missed his showing of Avengers and no one did anything to stop him from doing such an incredibly stupid thing. To be fair, the theater was so incredibly packed that it was difficult to tell which line was for which showing. This kid, however, allowed himself to stay in the wrong line for over an hour PAST the start time printed on his ticket. Movies do not start an hour late. They are not concerts. Iron Man and The Hulk are not getting high in the green room while Thor gets his Mjolnir hammered by some Asgardian groupie. At one point he called his mom to complain that he was going to be late getting home because of how stupid the theater was and how he doesn’t want to just leave because he already spent like $20 (certainly hers, not his) on snacks. I should not have to endure such teenage dumbness just in order to see a film on opening weekend. Can I pay $5 more to sit in the Adults Only theater? Does that theater serve booze? Who wants to invest in this idea? It’s quite possibly the best idea anyone has ever had.

So what about The Avengers? Quite simply, it was a triumph. It rivals Iron Man and Spider-Man 2 for the title of “Best Super Hero Movie Of All Time” (I do not count The Dark Knight in this category because I just don’t. It’s its own thing.) Without question it is certainly the best Thor movie, the best Hulk movie, the best Captain America movie and the best Iron Man sequel produced to date. And the Hulk… Jesus the Hulk. I have NEVER liked any incarnation of the Hulk in any form of media, filmed, televised or printed. Yet give this character to Joss Whedon and he uses him with such precision and skill that he steals not just every scene he’s in, but quite possibly the entire movie. The use the words “the Hulk” and “subtlety” in the same sentence seems contradictory, but that’s what it was. As a matter of fact, every single thing I loved about The Avengers stemmed from that Whedonesque subtlety that I’ve grown to love so well. A throw away line here that is anything but a throw away, a bit of body language that goes almost unnoticed but tells an entire story. God dammit, Hollywood! Do you see now what we’ve been trying to tell you for a decade?

I want to write a thesis deconstructing the ways in which Michael Bay and Joss Whedon destroy downtown Manhattan. The ham fisted wrecking ball vs. the artist with the soft touch. In the end, the city is still rubble, but the way it got there could not be more disperate. I am not exaggerating when I say I fell asleep during the climactic battle of Transformer 3. I honestly could not tell what was happening on the screen for the last half hour of the movie and I just lost interest in fighting the boredom. The last 30 minutes of The Avengers, however, might be the most fun I have ever had in a movie theater. Oh, and did I mention The Hulk? HULKHULKHULKHULKHULK HULLLLLLLLLLLLK!!! Seriously, it was that good.

COMMENTERS: Post your thoughts on The Avengers in the comments. SPOILERS MUST MUST MUST BE TAGGED or your comments will be deleted and you will be banned from commenting. DO NOT RUIN THIS MOVIE FOR ANYONE.

Calgary Expo 2012 Fancy Photo Comic Part 3

Joel — Fri, 04 May 2012 23:23:01 +0000

Donation subscribers of any level will get access to an RSS feed with the full comic in it.
I have added $2, $3, and $4 monthly donation subscription options.

Read more about the new direction I am taking the comic in and how you can help HERE if you haven’t already.

Calgary is a weird town. Everything is pretty nice and clean and Canadian and there is a series of above ground tubes that you can navigate most of downtown with to avoid actually being on the street, but pretty much everything closes at sundown and NOTHING is open on Sunday. Visting cartoonists need to drink on Sunday too, Calgary! I don’t think Canadian Jesus will mind. Incidentally, Canadian Jesus is the same as American Jesus (the one true Jesus) except he does some occasional ice fishing and pays too much for his mobile data plan.

The Holodeck is for porn! The Holodeck is for porn!

If you are a long time reader of HijiNKS ENSUE, you probably know what Star Trek: TNG means to me. It was more than a show. It was a friend and a guide when I was a confused, ignored and bullied little boy. I learned so much about respect (how to earn and give it), problem solving, avoiding violence at all costs, but still not letting anyone push me around, and what the future can (and should) be if we aren’t too childish, greedy and stupid to get ourselves there. I very large part of who I am, and how I view the world is based on the lessons I learned from TNG. So, with that in mind, I’m sure you can gauge how much it meant to me to be present at the 25th Anniversary reunion of the TNG cast at the Calgary Expo. It was nothing short of magical.

Check out Wil’s touching video from the TNG 25th anniversary reunion here. Thanks to Angela, Alina, Sparks, Wil, The Blind Ferret Crew and the TNG crew!

As the cast members recollected and joked with each other, I quickly realized that they were not performing; not putting on a show, but instead they were just catching up. It was as if 8000 grinning geeks were not in the room with them as they told stories, and reminisced. We were scores and scores of flies on the wall to the greatest geek conversation we could have hoped to hear. That is not to say they ignored the audience or seemed in anyway ungrateful for our contribution to their legacy (quite the contrary, actually). It’s just that they almost seemed lost in their affection for each other. Patrick Stewart in particular spent most of the evening facing not the audience, but turned to face his friends. If asked a question directly, he always had to look for the mic and pick it up because he had long since put it down in order to pay closer attention to what Frakes, Wheaton or Sirtis were saying. It seemed like the whole thing was sponsored and film by Space in Canada, so I am hopeful that the discussion will be broadcast in some fashion soon. I cannot stress enough how perfect a cap that evening was to 25 years (20 for me) of Star Trek: TNG fandom. I must thank Sohmer and our Calgary Expo volunteers for getting me the ticket. It’s one of those things that I wasn’t going to let myself splurge on, but knowing now what I would have missed… let’s just say I would have regretted it.

Speaking of splurging, when I saw that an entire cast photo with the TNG crew was available for $500 and up to six people were allowed to split the cost, I immediately grabbed five friends and got ready to do some convincing. Turns out this is a proposition that, among Star Trek fans, requires little to no convincing. Thanks again to our fantastic volunteers, we were able to score some line-skipping passes which meant we only had to wait for about an hour instead of three to four. Now I normally am not one for photo-ops or impersonal signings at events where celebrities are present. I much prefer a casual encounter, a brief exchange or words, etc. But this was potentially the last time these people were going to be in the same room… forever! I was already mentally clearing family photos off the mantle to make room for this picture. The photo-op itself took all of 15 seconds. Honestly it wasn’t even enough time to make eye contact with the whole crew. We were in, somehow I ended up next to the Captain (in Troi’s spot), they snapped the pic and we were out. As we left I heard Wil say, “Everyone wave to my friend Joel!” That was, uhh… pretty fucking rad. And as you can see, the picture turned out amazing! Look at that grin on Patrick Stewart! I’m going to have it tattooed over my own face so I can see it every time I look in the mirror. Damn, that was a good day.

COMMENTERS: What events go on your “life flashing before my eyes” hit list? What awesome things have happened to you that made you say “I WAS THERE! I ACTUALLY DID THAT!“?

Calgary Expo 2012 Fancy Photo Comic Part 2

Joel — Thu, 03 May 2012 21:35:47 +0000

Donation subscribers of any level will get access to an RSS feed with the full comic in it.
I have added $2, $3, and $4 monthly donation subscription options.

Read more about the new direction I am taking the comic in and how you can help HERE if you haven’t already.

Guys, I fully understand that we ARE going to be destroyed by a terror from beyond the stars. I’m OK with that. All I ask is that our destroyer be a cutey-wooty snuggley button of doom. I feel like it’s a reasonable request.

Wil Wheaton and I got excited and made this “Fighting Time Lords” shirt for you!

These furthering adventures from Calgary Expo feature The Blind Ferret crew, specifically the be-balded, be-capped, be-lightsabered and ever be-Red Bulled Mr. Sohmer. Exhibiting with these guys is exactly as much fun as it appears to be. Take that… however you will. One of these days you will probably get to see some of our adventures in full motion complete with audio and additional motion and probably some editing, since Will has been filming us since Emerald City ComiCon. I don’t know when or how the show/documentary/series/??? is going to be released, but from what I’ve seen so far I am in it. So that should be enough, right? I hear the pilot is coming along nicely and I’m sure they will make an official announcement when it’s ready for public consumption.

COMMENTERS: What’s the best geeky baby/kid costume you’ve ever seen? Ever make one for your own kids, or had one made for you as a kid? My wife and I have made our daughter’s Halloween costumes almost every year and our Boo costume is still one of the top Google results when searched.