The Hippocratic Oaf

Academic rankings

noreply@blogger.com (The Hippocratic Oaf) — Thu, 15 Sep 2011 21:01:00 +0000

The Oaf had set himself a target when he started medical school, a seemingly simple one yet one that demanded an awful lot of time and effort. That target was to be a good medical student. Specifically, the Oaf not content to be just above average wished to finish medical school knowing he was "a top quartile student". For those readers who may...

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Misspellings

noreply@blogger.com (The Hippocratic Oaf) — Tue, 13 Sep 2011 16:49:00 +0000

Sat in an out-of-hours clinic and about to send for the next patient the Oaf scans tentatively for the booking details which read "62-year old female with virginal bleeding, brought in by her daughter". The Oaf laughs to himself at the irony of the error and sends for her, pondering whether he should later explain to the receptionist the key...

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The final furlong

noreply@blogger.com (The Hippocratic Oaf) — Fri, 19 Aug 2011 10:42:00 +0000

Another intermission to the sporadic list of events in the Oafs hectic life as medical student. Where is the Oaf now? Well he is pleased to report that he is now a finalist! Yes folks, the light is at the end of the tunnel as the Oaf is about to embark upon his eighth and last year of university education. The fourth year examinations went...

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Becoming the consultant

noreply@blogger.com (The Hippocratic Oaf) — Fri, 22 Apr 2011 10:48:00 +0000

Part way through a busy morning of deliveries on the labour ward the Oaf is called over by the professor of obstetrics and gynaecology, a brief welcome precedes the following conversation. Prof: 'So, there is one question you must answer if you want to become the consultant in obstetrics and gynaecology' Oaf: 'There is?' Prof: 'Indeed. Now, tell...

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Behind the curtain

noreply@blogger.com (The Hippocratic Oaf) — Thu, 14 Apr 2011 17:51:00 +0000

Recently the Oaf has found himself on frequent forays into the hospitals and general practices waiting rooms. Shamefaced, sitting quietly on a chair and staring at the floor. Initial impressions may be misleading and one may be forgiven to think he had been told to leave for misbehaving. But, the truth it transpires, is not as a punishment for bad...

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The bottom rung

noreply@blogger.com (The Hippocratic Oaf) — Tue, 29 Mar 2011 16:25:00 +0000

Recently, the Oaf has felt his patience wearing thin. Not content with various changes in curriculum that has seen some of the already scantly taught bread and butter medicine sacrificed for what many would consider as less pressing issues - farewell ENT, make way for yet more medical ethics. As the fourth year marches on the Oaf finds himself on...

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At your cervix

noreply@blogger.com (The Hippocratic Oaf) — Fri, 11 Feb 2011 13:13:00 +0000

With legs forced wide apart, screaming ferociously as is humanly possible as a catheter funnelling between your legs runs straw-yellow. You shit yourself, with the paracetamol suppository making an untimely cameo – hello old friend. Finally your most intimate and sensitive area rips under pressure, all to the tune of “Grade-I tear, we’ll...

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One fell into the cuckoo’s nest

noreply@blogger.com (The Hippocratic Oaf) — Sat, 27 Nov 2010 12:11:00 +0000

Recently, the Oaf has been spending his days on a psychiatric ward. I shall refrain from making the somewhat predictable and tweely made remarks I received upon arriving at the unit for the start of the placement, “whose more mad, us or the patients?!”. I smiled politely and died a little inside. The Oaf was certainly here for business, or at...

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First impressions

noreply@blogger.com (The Hippocratic Oaf) — Mon, 23 Aug 2010 21:53:00 +0000

How so much time has surpassed since I last updated, I do not know. However, these past few months, these fleeting few months have provided yet more of the seemingly endless and unpredictable entertainment the hospital has to offer. The Oaf has been subject to further ritualistic mocking by superiors, patients, and the like to the extent of which...

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General practice

noreply@blogger.com (The Hippocratic Oaf) — Fri, 09 Apr 2010 14:56:00 +0000

I must confess that I have never really been that keen on general practice. The medical school has sent us to various GPs since day one and these have all been so far, thoroughly enjoyable experiences consisting of non-acute, bread-and-butter medicine. The GPs themselves have all been excellent in my experience and are amongst the best teachers...

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Life on the coronary care unit

noreply@blogger.com (The Hippocratic Oaf) — Tue, 30 Mar 2010 14:49:00 +0000

Some apologies for the unintentional break in writing, being on a placement far from civilisation with internet access that ceased to function after a small oversight saw the Trust not paying their broadband bill meant a subsequent lack of communication with the rest of the world at the end of my rotation.. Cardiology continues to inspire,...

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A slow day

noreply@blogger.com (The Hippocratic Oaf) — Wed, 03 Mar 2010 17:44:00 +0000

Is perhaps, what you get when you invite occupational health to speak at the cardiology multidisciplinary meeting.

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Pleural plumbing

noreply@blogger.com (The Hippocratic Oaf) — Wed, 17 Feb 2010 19:25:00 +0000

Wednesday morning, post-rounds and cue the moment I had finally been waiting for. “Mrs Johnson requires a cannula put in, do you think you can handle it?” Thinking to myself... “I can-nula give it a go”, I smile and nod obligingly. Down to side-room 7, I see the patient and request permission confessing I had not done one before but have seen...

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The Pickwick Capers

noreply@blogger.com (The Hippocratic Oaf) — Tue, 09 Feb 2010 00:20:00 +0000

Clerking is a term used to describe the process of taking a full history and performing a full examination on a patient – cardiovascular, respiratory, abdominal, nervous system, musculoskeletal, the full works. If done thoroughly it can take well over an hour, especially for the inexperienced nubile, such as myself. I have recently discovered the...

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Cough, please

noreply@blogger.com (The Hippocratic Oaf) — Tue, 02 Feb 2010 14:16:00 +0000

Oh dear, I did not realise so much time had passed since I last posted. But, to be frank there was very little of note over the holidays and I did yearn for some much needed downtime. However, I am now well into the second placement – in a different hospital, and a different city. The contrast between here and my last hospital is apparent, for...

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Anything can happen

noreply@blogger.com (The Hippocratic Oaf) — Wed, 02 Dec 2009 17:00:00 +0000

One of the perks of being a medical student is being able to sit in on the free lunches provided courtesy of big pharma. I speculate; am I selling my soul, sitting there devouring piles of moderately priced sandwiches and sausage rolls, gratis, as I listen to a drug rep hail the wonders of their latest snake oil? - “Peptic ulcers getting you down?...

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Into the abyss

noreply@blogger.com (The Hippocratic Oaf) — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 17:45:00 +0000

Back in bedlam, the chaos ensues. The ward I am currently working on has a number of different types of patient; some transient cases - fresh faces recently admitted and soon to bode farewell, whilst others have been lying in their beds for far longer than I have been in clinics. As I tag along on the morning rounds, I notice we become a point of...

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Living the dream

noreply@blogger.com (The Hippocratic Oaf) — Sat, 17 Oct 2009 16:12:00 +0000

Life inside the hospital is quite unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. The previous two weeks have hammered home the role of a doctor; the complete lack of glamour, the endless rounding, the tireless adjustment of medications, the utter disillusionment of previously held misconceptions, and the repugnant odours that only the new medical students...

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And so it begins

noreply@blogger.com (The Hippocratic Oaf) — Wed, 07 Oct 2009 17:26:00 +0000

Attention dear readers, I regret to inform you that unfortunately the Oaf has taken a turn for the worse. Acute pharyngitis, submandibular lymphadenopathy, nasal coryza, otitis media, myalgia and conjunctivitis. Yes, vitals remain stable, but I suspect a mild pyrexia and neutrophilia. The diagnosis? Man Flu. To the non-medically trained friends of...

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Open for business

noreply@blogger.com (The Hippocratic Oaf) — Wed, 23 Sep 2009 16:09:00 +0000

I’ve been back for over two weeks now. The transition from lackadaisical, tardy, pre-clinical student into someone who appears on a superficial level to resemble a respectable member of society, and in the correct setting, occasionally mistaken for a real doctor has commenced. The third year kicked off with the usual suspects; paper work,...

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EWTD Compliance

noreply@blogger.com (The Hippocratic Oaf) — Sat, 05 Sep 2009 13:44:00 +0000

The Oaf has contacts whom have recently embarked on their various careers in medicine. Fresh out of medical school with provisional GMC registration, they have now been in their FY1 jobs for about a month. They are also the first cohort of junior doctors to have to fully adhere to the European Working Time Directive, which came into force as they...

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New horizons

noreply@blogger.com (The Hippocratic Oaf) — Wed, 02 Sep 2009 14:51:00 +0000

We finally made it, the bookend of the summer and on the cusp of clinical school. Part of me questions whether I should have done something more productive with my time off. However, after working the entirety of the previous summer holiday answering phones in an NHS call centre until I became so numb and disillusioned in my position as an NHS...

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Service update

noreply@blogger.com (The Hippocratic Oaf) — Mon, 03 Aug 2009 15:15:00 +0000

Just a quick update, as some of you may have noticed the address of this site has subtly been changed. For reasons unbeknown to the Oaf, the Google wizards decided to suspend the previous address. It would seem that there are a number of blogs that have suffered the same fate, citing a glitch as the proprietor to this mess. Nevertheless, the Oaf...

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Dissection: a brief reminiscence

noreply@blogger.com (The Hippocratic Oaf) — Tue, 28 Jul 2009 18:39:00 +0000

I have been busy of late. As the academic year ends and my entire year group have returned home to temporary employment or fled the country, I have almost shamefully stayed on to complete an optional summer dissection course. Something that has always perplexed me is the phrase, ‘donate your body to medical science’. What exactly does that...

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OSCEs episode II: attack of the clonus

noreply@blogger.com (The Hippocratic Oaf) — Tue, 07 Jul 2009 13:28:00 +0000

The perceptive of you may have noticed that it has been a while since the Oaf last penned an entry. Yes, I have been through hell and back, to the dark side of the moon, choose your metaphor as you please but in short, it has been examination season here. After much blood, sweat, pro-plus and tears the second year as we knew it was over and the...

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