I need to say more about this later, but just a quick note about HG… Everything is as it should be. No one has asked me “What’s next?” or “What do we do now?” but in case you’re wondering, the answer is, “We continue ‘to be’.”

We started out with a whirlwind of activity here at HG, which had a special kind of attractive energy. Many different folks found there way here, each with their own special kind of energy they shared (or didn’t share) with the mix. I personally connected with some of the most inspiring and exciting people from around the planet. How fortunate I feel to know you all, as if I’ve known you for a long time! But the natural question that arises here is, “So what are we doing and what do we do next?”

I’m a big proponent of moving with the energy. If the energy is there, we move with it. If it’s not, we simmer in the lovely sauce we call the moment and enjoy each other’s company. If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s to let go of trying to orchestrate things and simply allow the orchestra to play its beautiful music all by itself. So here we are fellow bandmates. Play your tune, play some duets with each other. Once in a while we’ll create a quintette or include new band members. Who cares? Everything is as it should be and listen to that wonderful music we create!

If we could bring words to any of this, it may be that we’re learning to be, in a new way, in a way that no longer requires structure or form. It’s a spontaneous way of being with each other that sparks and inspires action right from within the very moments we spend with each other. So despite the fact everyone is doing this beautifully, don’t doubt for a minute something’s not right. It is. And the friends that have gathered to bring this way of being, more present and more visible, show others how it’s done.

Keep on doing what you’re doing. We never quite know what love flowers sprout from our garden or what new tune will emerge from the band. We only know that coming together in this way, makes way for that potential. No plans necessary. No orchestration necessary. Life just has that way of blooming all by itself.

The last month surely ushered in some of the most lively energies we’ve experienced in years. For the last half of February and the beginning of March we had some spectacular articles birth out of the topics we featured in the blog. However, as the astrological shifting began, I think we were all tossed around in the blender of personal transformation and expression there for a while. I’m not sure the energies have subsided at all, but I think we should attempt a little integrative expression none the less. I’m going to go out on a limb and take charge for a moment, to see what we can spark out of the fire of Aries.

We won’t call this our future path, but I’m going to propose a “focused” topic here for April: The Experience of Color. Now this isn’t just some normal writing exercise. No, this time you have to do some research. I want everyone to read something about the nature of color – scientifically – and then I want everyone to do some research into color therapy. Go have some experiences with color. Be wild and crazy. Color your hair purple and experience THAT. Then come back and write something about this topic for everyone else to read.

Remember, we’re all about experience here at HG and we want to fill the blog with personal stories of what it means to live and experience life holistically. Color is something everyone can relate to and experience so I’m expecting a landslide number of articles!

DEADLINE: April 15

Dive in!
Suzanne

Part of the featured topic series
If You Could Do Anything...

If I could do anything… well then I would do everything, or nearly so. I would take a ride on a submarine beneath the waves. I would have dinner and cocktails at a swanky restaurant, high atop some New York tower. I would chant in earnest sitting next to an eleven-year-old monk in a grassy field in Tibet. I would get a six hour massage in Thailand and do it again the next day. I would spend a day with Tom Petty just sitting on the beach.

But then the question is if I could do anything, anything at all. Well, I think I would march up to Muammar Gaddafi, introduce myself and then take away all his crazy clothes and fire the person who puts the gerri curl in his hair. I would give him a good massage everyday and then order him some organic salad and make him take a nap every afternoon. I would buy him a Shar Pei puppy, name it Twinkles and put it in a pink tutu. I would teach him to play Canasta and give him glasses of lemonade to sip. I would take him to the beach to build sandcastles. I would lie with him on the couch and watch silly YouTube videos for an afternoon. I would have him come with me to read stories to children in the hospital.

If I could do anything…. well then I would do everything, everything in my power to try to achieve world peace. When I was done with Mr. Gaddafi and could leave him full of good humor and filled with human kindness, I would move on to other places, wherever there are those who live without their basic human rights, where their children aren’t allowed to play or to learn. I would do everything and anything I could.

So what’s stopping me? What’s stopping any of us?

Whew! What a week we’ve just moved through. The synchronicities are baffling and in hindsight, they’re telling of just how enormous these current shifts in consciousness are, impacting every aspect of life from individuals, to societies and to the Earth herself.

Last week began as any other week… in ways I can’t remember. That’s how I know it was like any other week [smirk]. But things quickly revealed themselves when my impending coffee date with HG member, Jennifer Salness, brought a flood of wisdom and awareness that she had experienced prior to our meeting as well. Clearly something was up, and as we talked, the details begin to appear.

The Underlying Intention & The Divine Feminine

We discussed what felt like a deep, underlying intention for both Holistic Ground and a publication she has managed for a number of years, Presence Magazine. Both of us were feeling the same thing… a kind of alignment with sacred space in which the deeper aspects of life, its shifting and its transformation, could be discussed in a supportive, loving way. Neither of us could fully describe it in its entirety, but we both agreed it was a space where the divine feminine could express itself with support and care.

The Divine Masculine’s Return To Harmony

Later in our conversation we discussed various aspects of how this sacred space would take shape and how our two organizations would come together symbiotically to support the underlying intention. How would this look? What does it do? How does it work? What does it achieve? How do we maintain the space and keep it aligned with the intention? These questions sparked a side conversation about the divine masculine and its harmonious role with the divine feminine.

Many years ago, a somewhat mysterious young man I met, loaned me a book about a woman’s surreal experiences in the astral plane with some kind of spiritual warrior guide. The guide was explaining to her, the symbiotic relationship between the divine feminine and the divine masculine. He said, “The divine feminine, is like the wise sage who has fostered an inner connection to the source of all that is. That connection requires much attention in order to allow wisdom to flow from inner realms into this one. For this reason, the divine masculine then is like the guardian who makes space for the divine feminine to make this connection. The divine masculine knows, values, honors and defends this space where knowledge and wisdom flow and then it uses that knowledge and wisdom to create and manifest experiences that support the whole.”

I never forgot that part of the book. It was an amazing visual in my mind that still remains as vivid as it was the day I read it some 20 years ago. It removed the illusion that the feminine and masculine were separate or split between the sexes, but more correctly, were split within each sex. The problem was, more often than not, men would suppress their divine feminine and women would suppress their divine masculine – the suppressed feminine in men causing creation without wisdom, the suppressed masculine in women giving away its wisdom and knowledge without valuing or honoring itself and then each of them looking to the other in anger for not providing what each suppressed.

So as Jennifer and I talked, it became clear that it was time to bring the divine masculine back into alignment with the divine feminine. If we are to create space where the divine feminine can express this tremendous wisdom, then we must also create the space in such a way that honors that wisdom and supports it.

We both sat silent from time to time, contemplating the overwhelming flow of information.

Then I asked her if she had a sword. I have a sword. Years ago the thought of possessing any kind of weapon made my heart sink. But an experience in the summer of 2009 changed that. I was doing some soul retrieval with Michele Mayama, where a fragment of my soul was refusing to return. He was a heart-broken warrior who failed to achieve his expectations for that lifetime and he was holding out in that time, calling his comrades back to finish the job. We did eventually convince him to return, and when he did, I was overwhelmed with a tremendous grief, not necessarily because he had failed, but because he felt he had failed all those who had invested so much hope in him. He was the proverbial divine masculine who failed to save the divine feminine he set out to rescue.

After that experience, I researched his time period and found a replica sword like those that were common at that time. I bought the sword for him, as a gift, and I gave it to him saying, “Thank you for coming home. I acknowledge your great pain, and sorrow and I feel you in my heart and the convictions you have to restore this divine balance. We will complete this mission in this time and you can once again, inspire hope in all those around you.”

From that moment on, that sword represented everything in the heart of this deeply loving, compassionate and fierce warrior – the honoring of the divine feminine, and the support of the space it requires to illuminate an entire world. He, and the thousands of others like him, did not succeed in that time, but they are here again, in this time, wielding their symbolic swords, and to finally succeed in creating and supporting that space.

Then, as the Universe has a way of doing, later in the week, I was gifted with a situation that illuminated this entire wave of wisdom and it wasn’t until that happened, that all of this became real and clear. It was the first time where my inner feminine was not left to defend itself. My inner masculine was there to say, “This space will be held sacred and aligned with its intention. It’s that simple.”

Now one might think that’s enough for one week, but at that point, we were maybe half way through. Strangely, but not surprising, if you know how the Universe works, a new member appeared at Holistic Ground whose website sported the weekly intention, “Wield Your Sword with Practiced Skill.” ← See the image and read what it says!

I quickly sent that to Jennifer and said, “Incoming verification from the Universe!” Sometimes you have just to shake your head and laugh in awe of it all. Conversations with others continued to highlight this theme right into the weekend.

The Suppressed Disowned Crazy Shadow-Self

As the end of the week arrived, I looked forward to hearing Michele Mayama channel Archangel Michael. All last year Michael worked with us at Lightsmith to undo fear-based structures that had crystallized within consciousness. I came to enjoy his more proactive, masculine energy and felt akin to him, after all, we both had swords.

He came this week to discuss a number of things related to the disowned crazy shadow-self. As he spoke, he talked about a split in consciousness that happened to humanity as a result of its decision to use duality as its method of evolution. Duality is the use of two opposing, energetic poles to generate an experience. As one pole exerts its energy, the other responds with an equal but opposite response, which then creates the resulting experience. It’s through these dualistic experiences that we learned about the whole.

The problem with the method of duality however, Michael explained, is that it, by definition, created a split in consciousness where fear would suppress aspects of the personality. If one feared appearing arrogant and condescending, the arrogant, condescending aspects of self would be separated out and suppressed into the unconscious where it would appear they did not exist. He called the collection of these suppressed aspects the disowned shadow-self.

Then surprisingly, Michael referenced one of our popular figures in entertainment who’s currently going through, what looks to be from the outside, a very public break-down of sanity. He explained that this man was currently going through the healing process of this split in consciousness where it was no longer possible to suppress the arrogant shadow-self and as it re-emerged from unconsciousness, it certainly made itself known. Michael asked the group, “Do you think he’s crazy? He is not crazy. He is just split. If you look at him and you say to yourself, ‘That man is crazy!’ then you are saying that you, yourself, have suppressed aspects of self you fear, are indeed, crazy.”

Then Michael says, “This man is giving you a gift. He is bringing to light a wound in all of humanity that must now be healed. Each person must heal this spilt in consciousness and reunite the disowned shadow-self with the whole of who they are.”

I like to think there isn’t much that shocks me, but considering this was the culmination of a week of eye-opening synchronicities, I sat there in awe adding it all up…. suppressed masculine, suppressed feminine… suppressed, disowned, crazy shadow-self. Holy smokes Batman!

The Whole Is Greater Than The Sum of Its Parts

So today has been a whirlwind of intertwined awareness all coming together at once. I didn’t even mention the long and enduring conversations I had about all this with a number of other members, all of which brought different aspects of the wisdom to light. It seemed in every conversation, the suppression of the masculine or the suppression of the feminine was at play. Which piece is missing within and how is the current experience illuminating that?

When I look at the week as a whole, it clearly indicated it’s time for me to begin reuniting these suppressed aspects of self – the suppressed masculine – the suppressed feminine. To do that, may require the release of some fears that these parts may be crazy! Of course that’s a judgement so I’ll probably spend some time trying to understand why I’m holding judgements for certain things and then find the aspect of self that was suppressed because of it. In a conversation with Sharon, she wrote, unbeknownst to either of us at the time, “Stitch together, down the center, allow the mending…”

On top of all this, I sense the overarching wholeness to which all of this mending belongs. I feel I’m standing in the doorway to something much grander that the sum total of the steps I’ve taken to arrive here. What lies beyond this point is something truly magnificent that can’t fully be embodied until the split is healed, so mending it will be. A reunion is in order. Welcome back you crazy you!

Part of the featured topic,
If You Could Do Anything...

If I could do anything, what would I do?
I’m thinking now what you might be, too
My mind keeps up a wall, to anything at all
Because there are rules in place
We can’t let ourselves fall

So life becomes the imaginary and the real
One or the other holds momentary appeal
A choice must be made—is it something I can do
If not, is it torturous to follow this dream through

But if I let it go, I think of places far away – diverse faces
Exotic lands, strange tastes, and carefree days
Traveling companions of my heart accompany me there
Where we run together – there’s no weight to bear

Exploring, discovering, all there is that surrounds us
Yet a sense of purpose floats all around us
There is more here to do than just taste, smell and see
There is more to discover, for you and for me

Tastes and emotions…music, colors and sun
Run into each other, and meld into one
Following the light, ignoring the clouds
We finally emerge from the shroud

Before I leave this place – before I must depart
If I had to sum up what it is….

It is love.
It is life.
It is art.

Part of the featured topic series,
If You Could Do Anything...

When my oldest daughter was about four, she came home from school one day, proudly bearing her art project. It was a white plastic ring, like a costume jewelry bracelet, with a strip of aqua-white iridescent cellophane tied onto it. When I asked her what it was, she said, “It can be anything you want it to be.” And so it remained. “The-thing-that-can-be-anything-you-want-it-to-be” has never actually become anything else for Lucy; it was never used in any imaginative play. I’ve wondered if it were her own expression of the limitlessness of being, the expansive possibilities present within life, here.

I know that for myself, I have needed reminders of abundance, especially when faced with messages of boundaries and containment. As a child, my bike was one of my keys to freedom, because I could go places — go fast, go far, go away. The library was another place I was free to explore horizon upon horizon without restriction. I could get as many books as I wanted! And on hikes with my family, I felt myself expanding, relaxing into a greater ease of being, if only for a short time.

My healing journey has, to a great degree, been a recovery of the space and possibility of being, of MY being, right here, right now. I have learned that I can actually call myself creative, instead of half-denying it by saying, “Oh, I just like to create.” The art supplies that I have slowly gathered over the years have been moved to a convenient place, a visible reminder to myself that I have the potential to create. The art supplies have, in turn, slowly gathered dust, but they do remind me of what I could do, and I sense that they and I are waiting for the moment when potential becomes manifested.

Many accumulated limitations have been slowly melting away. I can actually acknowledge that I am a deeply feeling person, rather than trying to push it away and considering it a flaw that is impeding me from the more “desirable” traits of being rational and logical. I can remove conclusions about what I may or may not try, achieve, do, or become. I’ve done a lot of cross-country skiing this winter, and I was surprised to discover that the reason I was having so much trouble with hills was that I was saying to myself, “I can’t” — and then I couldn’t feel my feet or legs and the information they were giving me. On one hill in particular, I noticed the exact moment when “I can’t” slid across my brain, and a split second later I was on the ground. I immediately got up, climbed back up the hill and told myself, “If I fall, I will fall, but in the meantime I will pay attention and respond to exactly what is going on in each moment.” I made it down the hill with a tremendous feeling of empowerment. I thought, there’s no reason I couldn’t get out there and explore any of my “I’ll never do’s,” like snowboarding or downhill skiing. ..I could even parachute from a plane! (Well, that last one’s a little up in the air, so to speak, but you never know…I just might!) Why limit myself with unnecessary conclusions?

I recently asked Mother Mary, at a channeling session, if we couldn’t just shortcut through all this “unfolding in due time” and jump right into massive manifestation because I’m bursting with impatience. She didn’t give me the shortcut. But in the past several days, I’ve been feeling as if I blinked and opened my eyes into a new reality. Suddenly the spark and sparkle of my soul have bubbled to the surface of my life. The container is fading, drudgery and effort are passing, and the truth that I had almost forgotten about myself has become clear.

I am here to play endlessly in life’s vast playground, and of all the things I could choose to do, I would choose to simply play. I would laugh and sing and dance, bounce, and twirl, sparkle and spin. I would throw open my arms and gather all that is into my heart. I would look into the eyes of a child and share a moment of wonderment. I would creep into the quiet places and listen to the music there. I would run with exuberance and collapse in the grass and find castles and kingdoms in the clouds. I would explore and experiment, learn and love, and move, move, move, with lightness and life. I would flit here and float there, sprinkling bits of joy, gathering sparks of love, weaving all that I encounter into glorious tapestries, and all the while I would smile with delight as the Earth Mother’s laughter bubbles through me.

As I let go of all the old limitations, I have the feeling that I could do anything… that I am the thing that can be anything. I am pure possibility.

Part of the featured topic series,
Using Intuition

I’ve done a lot of slogging lately. In fact, I spent much of 2010 in a fitful slog through horrendous, knee-deep, boot-sucking sludge… with enough bright spots, much needed support, and a relentless inner sense of something to enable me to continue the journey. Finally, when the calendar page turned and a whole brand-new year lay before me, I thought, “Hurray for 2011, Year of Manifestation!” Then I plunged back into the muck where I tend to do a lot of thrashing and disremembering of who I am before I come to my senses, before I can sense my own wisdom again. Surely there are more pleasant routes to releasing my being from the bondage of the past… or maybe not… for me. After all, this path is working for me–if you were to question any cell in my body, each would tell you that this is so. They have more room to dance than they once did.

Dancing, however, felt like a vague impossibility for much of February. In an email exchange with friend and energy work practitioner, Michele Mayama, she suggested that we work together again, if it felt like it was time. The moment I read her email, I felt an immediate movement within, tugging the rest of me forward. If I could convey the message in words, it would be something like, “Yes, it is so.”

Within a week I was able to get in to see her, and during my appointment I felt like I was emerging from 10,000 leagues under the sea, as legions of accumulated imprisoning beliefs slid off and I relaxed into my own space. Much of what was released had to do with my highly diligent, though misguided efforts over lifetimes to figure out how to do it right, how to fit in in the world of people, and be safe, not get hurt–but in spite of it all, I could never quite achieve the unshakable sense of connection, belonging, safety that I so desired. It felt like part of me kept trying to join me here, but after each tentative testing of the waters, it would retract, with a feeling of “I don’t see myself here, I don’t see my place here.”

We began making a place for that part of me here by clearing my channels of connection with the natural world, where I feel most myself, most at home. Since I began this work of soul healing a couple of years ago, I have felt many times like a kid in a candy shop—this is all too good to be true, that love and life and souls could be so boundless! And yet it IS true. Over and over again I am amazed as I uncover beliefs I didn’t know I had that are limiting me from what truly is. I had rediscovered the Earth Mother (a candy shop experience) through my healing process, but now a whole new realm was opening before me. I could have a REAL, living loving relationship with all of the Earth Mother’s nature beings, in any dimension. I could BE and be embraced here in the Earth Mother’s arms—my whole being could play and dance and sing in a more expansive and joyful way than I had known.

Yet I HAD known, on some limited level. Because somehow I found my way from college into a job as a naturalist, playing with kids outside. And somehow when we bought our house 12 years ago, we ended up two blocks from a creek, less than a mile from the river, and a couple of blocks from a dingy gas station that would later be transformed into a pond, complete with a beautiful springtime toad chorus that I can hear loud and clear from my house. In a few short months I will be blessed with their song again, and perhaps I will hear more within that song. I have suffered significant hearing loss over the ages where my soul’s voice, my intuition, is concerned, but I’ve still managed to catch some of its whisperings—even when I didn’t quite know what it was. I am preparing myself to hear more.

I received a delightful gift at my appointment. At some point Michele mentioned fairies, about which I have never given much thought, beyond fairy accessories for my daughters, but that word spoke to a place within me. In the days that followed I have had such bouncy, sparkly feelings of love. “Fairies…fairies…fairies” has been calling out within me, like a calling to loved ones I had thought were gone forever. I have a sense of an unfolding here that I can’t quite verbalize, but I’m listening, and I feel sure it will take me somewhere too good to be true, or as I prefer to think of it now, so good it must be true.

Part of the featured topic series,
Using Intuition

It all started with a course in Reiki… or more specifically, after a second course I attended. The courses themselves, were great. It was the side effects that were not what I expected. Reiki, a form of hands-on healing, is pretty cool when you feel it the first time. When you actually feel something vibrating in your hands, or in your body and you can feel it’s clearly different… I mean, I had not been going around all these years not knowing how it felt to hold my hands against a limb. This felt different, clearly different!

I particularly remember one night a few weeks after my second course, my then three-year-old son woke up, screaming about eye pain. He could not describe what was wrong very well, only that his eye hurt. It’s pretty scary to experience that in the middle of the night. Is it the eye or something else in the brain? What could I do? His pain was very intense and he was moaning. A pain killer would not have had an immediate effect.

I started to give him Reiki. When the need is great, and maybe because I was not distracted by anything since I had just been sleeping, the connection to Reiki started very fast. I felt the pulsation that usually appears in my hands when I am treating an area where healing is needed. What happened next did however surprise me. With the same frequency as the pulsation I felt in my hands, my son started to moan. He was already moaning because of the pain, but now his sounds were synchronized with the rhythm of the pulsations I felt in my hands. After three to four minutes, the agony and pain appeared to subside and his moaning was replaced by sighs of relief. The pain was going away, along with the intensity in my hands as well. He went back to sleep. I was just sitting there amazed by what I just witnessed.

With an adult you can try explaining things, like what happened that night, with placebo effects, but with an extremely sleepy three-year-old who rarely spoke and did not really wake up properly during this whole event, such an explanation was irrelevant.

Now to the side effects… my mind got twisted. My analytically-trained mind suddenly did not know where it stood any longer. If what I so clearly was feeling in my hands – a pulsating, rotating feeling, a flow – was really happening, what else out there also existed? From having had a quite clear view of the world, I suddenly had to give everything the benefit of the doubt.

I have always considered myself as having had an open mind, accepting a lot of things, or at least not dismissing them, but what happened now was that I realized I had been fooling myself for a long time, I was not accepting anything. I held strict views of the world just as any scientifically-schooled person would. Now I had to tell myself that, no, I don’t really believe that this or that works, but it might do, so I will not express any opinion about it until I know more and when it comes to that, to know more, a lot more knowledge is needed and since I would not submerge myself in getting that knowledge I just had to shut up. It was a great lesson in humility.

In just a couple of weeks my whole view of the world changed. My whole view of the world was uprooted. I started to question everything I had learned during my life. Eventually, I realized I had to let go and just accept that not everything has a logical answer. I had to begin to trust my intuition and to trust that what I was sensing, was actually there, and happening.

To trust something I cannot see has been really hard, but I have learned to accept this as a gift, because eventually it made me treasure other senses and it also made me realize I have been very caught up in getting visual confirmation. A blind person does not say that the world does not exist just because she cannot see it – and most people would probably consider such a statement as completely foolish.

After these realizations, my intuition and other senses have gotten a boost. I have two options when something unusual happens: To not understand what’s going on and consider myself insane, or to believe I am as I have always been, and try to sense what’s going on. I am a far too analytical person to just leave it to not understanding, so I am left with sensing and using my intuition.

As strange as it might seem, my analytical, scientifical mind is one of reasons why I now completely trust my intuition!

Part of the featured topic series,
Using Intuition

I cannot tell you how to use your intuition; I’m afraid I’m not that evolved. What I can share with you is my unique experiences of living a life with the understanding that one of the lessons that I believe I am supposed to be learning during this lifetime is how to follow my intuition. That seems like it should be a simple thing to do. There are times when I’m driving my car and get a strong sense that I should turn left at the next intersection or that I should drive more slowly because something is coming. When this happens, sometimes I can see clearly what I was to avoid and other times not. I believe that following my intuition in these instances has probably saved me a bent bumper or two or even my life.

So why then do I often find it more difficult or even ridiculous to follow my gut instinct in other situations? There have been any number of times that I have had that “intuitive feeling” in business but ignored it only to suffer because I didn’t listen. I have ignored my inner wisdom in personal relationships too.

One area where I use intuition always and constantly is while working with a client in massage. The minute I sit down with a client and start talking about their aches and pains, information begins to pour in. Some of it is from observation and when they are on the table and we begin to massage, some of it will come through my hands in palpation. But none of this explains how I often intuitively know what injury caused the knot I’m palpating in someone’s back or what emotion they felt when the injury occurred.

Dr. Joyce Brothers once said, “Pay attention to your intuition, it’s usually the result of observed facts stored just below the surface of your mind.” Where ever this information comes from, it almost never steers us wrong and often can mean greater safety, prosperity and peace of mind when we do listen and act on the knowledge given to us.

So I am learning, the only way I seem capable of learning, slowly. I am learning to not only heed my intuition more often but I am setting my intention to let intuition come more often, with more information and with a whole heck of a lot more acceptance and gratitude on my part.

Part of the featured topic series,Using Intuition

When I started doing QiGong 1.5 years ago, the last minutes of each training session were dedicated to meditation. In the beginning it was hard, sitting there, trying to remember suggestions about the meditation techniques I had read about. Trying to relax, but reacting to any noise in the room: Was the meditation over? Was I the only one still seated on the floor? (Peeking out to check was not really adding to my relaxation!) Luckily, they started turning off the lights in the room for the meditation, so it was easy to know when it was over just by noticing the slight light shift outside my eyes.

At first, five minutes of meditation felt like an hour; time was moving so s-l-o-w-l-y! I tried focusing on my breath as I had learned while doing relaxation yoga techniques when I was pregnant, but it did not work for me. I tried imagining a place in nature, focusing on the movement of a single straw of grass in that place, but that did not work either. I just could not keep that image in my mind because the everyday thoughts kept popping in — kids.. dinner… etc. The more annoyed I got by these thoughts that were appearing, the more they stayed there. I tried hard to yet again focus on that straw of grass, pushing relaxation, not allowing the other thoughts in, but it did not work! At some point in all of this, I realized I had to just release the thoughts. Maybe I had read it somewhere or maybe I just intuitively understood, I don’t remember — but whenever a thought popped in, I saw it for what it was, addressed it, and it then moved on. When the next thought appeared, I did the same thing. This went on for a while, but in between these thoughts, I had moments of meditation.  As I continued with this practice, these moments became longer and longer, until the everyday thoughts just did not bother me anymore. I still remember the first time when it felt like I had been sitting for two minutes…and in reality, 20 minutes had passed!! I was amazed!!

For me, meditation does not mean my head is empty and without thoughts; rather, the everyday bogged-down mind is shut off and other thoughts are let through in their own slower pace. Very possibly, it is my higher self speaking to me. If I am to analyze what I did, the closest thing I can compare it to is to learn how to daydream again. When we daydream, as we often do as children, the thoughts move freely and are not steered actively in any special direction. Daydreaming is, however, not really encouraged. And as adults, when we see a person with their eyes fixed on a spot far away, clearly in another world (the world of the inner mind), how often do we not disturb that person and instead, do our best to pull that person’s attention back.. to us? “What are you thinking about?,” we ask them. “Oh, nothing special,” is the common answer. But it’s hardly the truth. I try not to do this any longer.

Nowadays, I can basically move into this space of meditation whenever I like, whereever I am. I can meditate while standing waiting for the train or when I have a few minutes to spare standing in line to pay for my groceries.

I don’t mind waiting anymore. It’s always an opportunity for some meditational insights!

Part of the featured topic series,
Using Intuition

My dear grandmother passed away in June, 2004. She died suddenly and I was due to visit her only a week after she passed away – so needless to say, I was crushed. I had dealt with death before, with other grandparents and great-grandparents, etc., but those family members had passed when I was much younger. And “Grams” was the closest person to me (in heart) that I had ever lost.

I decided on a college based partially on the fact that it was only eight miles from where my grandparents lived in Fountain City, Wisconsin. From the moment I landed in Winona, Minnesota (right across the bridge from Fountain City), my Grandma and Grandpa were my best friends. They helped me move and welcomed me to their home on the occasional weekend – they gave me the solid assurance that they were only a short distance away, which was of tremendous comfort to me during my first few months at college.

Then, in 1989, my Grandpa passed away at the age of 75, leaving “Grams” (as I called her) alone. At least she had me, she would say – at least I was close. We did lots of things together – dinners, plays, we hung out. I truly enjoyed her company. After graduation, I stayed to work at the hospital in Winona in the PR department, for a few years, partly to stay close to Grams as well. But it then came time for me to move on and go back to the Twin Cities, where I was from. I had outgrown Winona and had explored every possibility there. It was time for me to find my life, and I knew it wasn’t there. Leaving Grams was the hardest thing I have ever done. Even though I know now that it was the right decision, I still look back on it with a twinge of sadness.

Grams was the matriarch of our family and was the most selfless person on the face of the planet. Bordering on a martyr, at times, she would run to help anyone, at anytime, with anything. She was also very smart and very funny. She loved her family with all of her heart, as we did, her.

So, when she died, I felt an immeasurable sense of loss. After hearing the news, I remember going upstairs to my bedroom and sobbing as I sank to the floor. “Where is she?,” I found myself crying out. I kept repeating that same phrase as I cried for what seemed like eternity…where is she…where is she. Where IS she?!….

Suddenly, everything I knew about life and our existence was foreign to me. The pain of not knowing, physically, where my grandmother was, felt like a knife in my soul. I felt a sense of panic, not knowing where she was, any longer. She had always lived in the same house, in the same town, since I was born. She was always there – both from a physical standpoint and an emotional standpoint. She was just — there. You knew she was there (in her home) and you knew she was there (in your heart). Suddenly, because she was ripped from my world, I no longer was sure she was anywhere. Her presence had escaped – and I was afraid her love and a big part of me had gone with her.

This was almost too much for me to bear. I had to find her. I had to connect with her again. I had to know she was all right. I fluctuated between sadness and anger and back again. Looking back on it now, I had never really been confronted with death, as an adult, before that. And I faced this harsh new reality, I realized didn’t know a damn thing about it.

This deep grief went on for a little while. But a couple of days later, she came back. Not physically, of course. But all of a sudden, intuitively, I knew that she had come back into my heart – I felt her presence again. It happened as quickly as a light turning on – out of nowhere. And it felt that way, too – like a light was flooding my soul with peace and reassurance. All at once, I was able to understand that even though she was not able to be “seen” any longer, she was still, most definitely, there. It wasn’t just a general feeling of peace that I felt. It was definitely *her.* Her spirit. I didn’t consciously try to challenge this feeling with thought, because I was just so very grateful for the feeling.

And though I have no factual data to back this up, I’m going to go out on a limb here and say – I really do think it was my grandmother sending a message to me, via my intuition. She wanted me to pick up the message and know it was from her. She wanted me to know she was still there, and that she always would be there. I know this because, otherwise, I’m fairly sure I would have gone on searching, wondering and trying to “figure it out” — as I do with so many other things in my life that I’m not certain of.

But this – this was a gift. A beautiful, radiant message from another place, intended only for me. Thanks to something so incredibly wonderful, that can’t be explained – and I knew not to question it.

It just was.

And as I remember it now, with tears in my eyes, I would just like to give a shout-out to Grams and say… “I love you… so very much. And… message received.”

We’ve already heard it’s good to play, to get the child within out, to get in touch with our inner selves while being creative, to thereby improve our inner world. Can we improve the outer world by picking up skills and experiences from virtual games? In this TED Talk this idea is explored and described as a way to change the world.

“…because it turns out that by spending all this time playing games we are actually changing what we are capable of as human beings, we are evolving to be a more collaborative and hearty species.”

Starting her talk by saying, “There was this equation in my family that went something like this: If you are intelligent, you therefore are not spiritual. I was the freak of the family.” She moves on to describe the battle between the warrior and the mystic within and how we all should try to be our full potential, which we only are together with others. The others are however not always people we agree with, so she suggests we try to meet them, and even hands-out a few tools to help us do that, to listen more effectively, to curiously hear who they are instead of fixating on the stereotypes we often hold.

We have four new featured topics on deck for March! This month we’ll venture into some interesting areas – one may appeal to you or all may. Write for as many as you like. All participating members are welcome to contemplate these topics and submit experiential articles by the listed due dates. The four topics are:

Using Intuition [Deadline March 1]

Do you use your intuition in your life? Share how intuition has changed your life, influenced aspects of your life or even caused trouble in your life :-O

If You Could Do Anything… [Deadline March 8]

It’s the infamous question… what would it be and what’s stopping you? This topic does not have to be experiential, but please take care to write from the positive.

Navigating Relationships Through The Shift [Deadline March 15]

Relationships can be challenging all by themselves, but when you consider the fact we’re in the midst of the biggest shift in consciousness this planet has ever seen, it makes the process of navigating relationships that much more tricky. This featured topic will examine the ups and downs of this part of our lives.

Breaking Free! [Deadline March 22]

Here’s your chance to share one of those big ah-ha moments of your life. Describe a time when you broke free of a suffocating situation, habit or relationship and how breaking free changed your life. This topic will be experiential.

For more information, and to discuss the process, visit the Experiential Writers Guild →

For more information about featured topics in general, visit the Featured Topics page →

For more information about experiential writing, see our Guide to Experiential Writing →

To read articles from previous featured topics: The New Year Ahead, What is Love?

How can architects build a new world of sustainable beauty? By learning from nature. Michael Pawlyn describes three habits of nature that could transform architecture and society: radical resource efficiency, closed loops, and drawing energy from the sun. In this fantastic presentation, Pawlyn describes how nature already has the answers for building stronger, lighter, more efficient structures and how we can harness the symbiotic relationships among various elements of the natural world to create sustainable eco-systems.

In less than four minutes, Adam Grosser describes a new technology that may bring affordable refrigeration to areas of the world where no electricity exists. He and his colleagues at Stanford designed and built a unit you heat over a fire, that when cooled, will product sub-zero temps for about 24 hours. This low-cost solution could revolutionize health care in remote parts of the world as well.

How big are we really? If our solar system’s planets were on the same orbit as the moon, this is what it would look like from the earth. The video’s author, Brad Goodspeed, writes:

Here’s an animation I did to make you feel small, and also convey the deep awe I feel at the feet of the Universe. While watching the video of the lunar eclipse I posted the other day I was looking at the curvature of the earth’s shadow on the moon. It made me think about how large the earth might look if an exact copy of it was up there instead of the moon. Soon curiosity got the better of me, and I was animating!

So the basic idea is, each planet you see is the size it would appear in the sky if it shared an orbit with the moon, 380,000 kms from earth. I created this video in After Effects, and because of certain technical considerations had to keep the field of view at 62 degrees. That means the foreground element is not precisely to scale. I realized this after the fact and may update the video at some point in the future. All planets are to correct scale with one another in any case.

Music: Where We’re Calling From – Doves

Julie Hahn, left, and volunteer Paula Jarema plan their schedule for the morning. Credit: BWH Bulletin

Reiki has many different benefits and one of them is relaxation and de-stress, something transplantation and cancer patients unfortunately often have too little of. In this article it’s explained how Reiki volunteers since 2009 have helped people in the hospital cope with the stress caused by what they are going through. The benefits are so noticeable that many nurses and physicians now are requesting Reiki for their patients.

Source: BWH Bulletin

Part of the featured topic series,
What is Love?

I was lonely in your presence, even though we were together. You looked to the stars. I sat beside you. I wanted to be like you. You wanted to be like me. Somehow we both got lost. I want you to find me, but only after you realize who you are.

I wish the circumstances of your inheritance had been better. That is one thing I could not fully control. I am sad about that. But it worries me more, that at times, you wish to emulate those who only wished to possess you, and that somehow you’ll find yourself by loving them. You will not. They do not have the answers you seek. Those answers are woven within you. They did not know what I did and for that, I smirk.

It has been a difficult journey without you. You were to be my guide. But alone, I had to find my own way. I wasn’t very good at it and I was hard to love. Maybe you did try. Maybe I just judged myself unworthy of you. Maybe it was I who made myself invisible.

Now we look upon a new age. So much time has passed. I feel as if the sun is rising to erase our memories of such a dark night. You are waking up. As usual, I’ve been awake all night. Perhaps it is ironic that now I might be able to sleep. And I wonder, as you go about your new day without me, if you will ever know how much I loved you… and if you will ever love me back.

Part of the featured topic series,
What is Love?

I have had many experiences in love, which have filled volumes of chapters in my ‘book of life’. The majority would have been located in my husband’s and my book. It covered close to three decades and through those decades the wonderment of loving that man always grew deeper.

It seems like yesterday, when my phone rang with him on the other end exclaiming a vision he had while taking a bath. Now mind you, he was straight Capricorn and visions of love and romance were not typical. He caught his breath and began to spin the tale of his vision. It was about how we kept missing each other on the Earth plane. Now finally, in this lifetime, we could be together. My heart swarmed at his words. This non-romantic man was sharing such a potent tale with me. It did not seem fabricated, but rather, had a chill of recognition. About two months later we began living together, which eventually consecrated in marriage.

Our love seemed to have no boundaries, since we even dreamt together and even traveled in the astral plane to the same places without intention. I remember the first time this occurred; we were on the beach talking. When we both awoke from our ‘dream’, and shared what we dreamt, we knew then that we had been to the same place. I can even remember both of us checking our feet for sand in-between our toes. He was magical to me, and he felt the same way about me.

My husband, Wally, and I did not believe in many of the words often used to describe people being in love. We made use of the word appreciate rather than love, since we both had experienced the trickery of that word prior to meeting. Words like soulmate and twin flame were also avoided. Perhaps we just did not choose to label our relationship and how we felt about each other. We just were happy enough to be with each other in this lifetime. After all, from his dream we had missed lifetimes to not experience this.

There would be another miracle that would bless us. We gave birth to a baby girl. The doctors told me that pregnancy would not be in my cards this lifetime. We had a beautiful girl, who inspired us both. He already had children, but could not raise them. This time he got to see her grow-up and become the woman she is.

As in all marriages we had our challenges. When I became ill, he stood beside me and showed me the meaning of caring. He made me stand back up on my own two feet, when I fell so low. If he did not do this, I could not stand today. This man gave me back my life, which is a wonderful expression of love.

In his 68th year of life, he was diagnosed with a terminal illness. We had all the papers signed so they could not put him on life support. Well, as hospitals will do, they decided to do just that. The nurse called me, and I put a stop to it. As I arrived closer to the hospital, an odd thing transpired outside the hospital. There was a mist all around it, while the rest of the sky was star clear. When I arrived and they did not put him in life support, they mentioned I need to call the immediate family to say their goodbyes.

As they arrived the next day from Canada and other locations in the states, he awoke and told me five times in a row, “I love you”. When the room of loved-ones emptied, I just looked at him, wondering if he understood why everyone was there? In the past, having visitors at the hospital scared him, but that day he was laughing and enjoying himself. I said quietly to him, “You do know why everyone is here?” He said, “No,” that he hadn’t figured it out yet. I just looked at him and said, “The doctor says you are dying, Wally”. He looked at me, and said, “They didn’t tell me.”

The next day his vitals went back to normal, to the doctor’s amazement. They would be releasing him to come home in a day or two. I have always wondered about that mist. He showed me it a few years back and called it dragon’s breath. He talked a lot about the dragons. All I knew was my husband beat death. Back home, while he laid on our bed, he looked at me and said, “I did it.” You know I bent time?” This was a fascination of his for the 29 years we were together. I just smiled and said, “Yes.” My belief in him made his statement true to only me. It would not be a theory I would choose to elaborate on. He looked at me and said, “I can’t do this again.” I knew what he meant. We decided to follow our original plans to move to Florida.

I flew down to Florida, to prepare the condo with oxygen and other supplies he needed. My mother let us stay in her other condo. When he flew down and came into the condo, he looked so horrible. He made it though and loved the weather and the condo. During his last nine months he baked everyday. He refused to let the lingering of the Grim Reaper’s hand take away his enjoyment. Everyday he baked scones for me. One time a couple from England came over for a crystal healing treatment from me. He presented them with a couple scones. The man walked over later to inform him those were the best scones he ever tasted. My husband was ecstatic, since those words came directly from an English man.

Death though would get closer, and finally there was nothing left to do but put him in hospice across the street at the hospital. There would be still a miracle for us, even there. They had a Zen nun working there. My husband followed Zen. He was given his last rites by her. As he lay in the bed for a few days, he talked a lot about how beautiful it is over ‘there’. He wanted me to see, so I explained to him I could not go, but I will visit in my sleep.

We had a love that touched so deeply in every part of our being. When he crossed, he stayed around for a bit till we both adjusted. I remember him shutting doors and me clapping. This we discussed years ago that when he died he wanted to close doors. I said, “Bravo, my Wally. You are doing it!” He sure is.

Love, I found, is something that grew through all the cracks of life between us, through so many trails and tribulations and through marriage. The main thing though was we finally had a lifetime to experience everything. That to me is the biggest blessing we both could had shared and give forth to our daughter.

Part of the featured topic series,
What is Love?

I have assembled quite a collection of thoughts and theories on love – a few of my favorite passages on love are listed below:

Love lets go. Need holds on. This is the way you can tell the difference between need and love. Let go of expectation, let go of requirements and rules and regulations that you would impose on your loved ones. ~ Neale Donald Walsch

There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out all fear. ~ 1 John 4:18

The moment you have in your heart this extraordinary thing called love and feel the depth, the delight, the ecstasy of it, you will discover that for you the world is transformed. ~ Jiddu Krishnamurti

The heart is the place where we live our passions. It is frail and easily broken, but wonderfully resilient. There is no point in trying to deceive the heart. It depends upon our honesty for its survival. ~ Leo Buscaglia

Love means to commit oneself without guarantee, to give oneself completely in the hope that our love will produce love in the loved person. Love is an act of faith, and whoever is of little faith is also of little love. ~ Erich Fromm

Now, you might think that because I’ve been a student of love for so long, I must be pretty good at it by now. I wish I could say that was true. Though I think I do give it a valiant attempt, every day, and I do try to show love to everyone in my life – from friends, to my family, to strangers on the street – I hardly consider myself an expert.

And here’s why. In the pursuit of showing “perfect” love, I can honestly say that I’ve failed as many times as I have succeeded. For example, even though there have been countless times that I have strived to be more patient and loving, there are days when I am not quite patient enough. When someone in my life is going through a difficult time, I have tried to be a true friend, but I have ended up not spending quite “enough” time with them in their time of need. I have tried to hold no expectations of my loved ones, lest I burden them with even more obligations they have to meet, but still I have gone on expecting. And, lastly and most painfully for me to admit, there have been plenty of times I could have given more of myself – but because of time or whatever excuse, I ended up giving the recipient just “scraps” of my love.

I guess that’s why I always kind of fidget in my seat, at weddings, when this popular wedding bible verse is read:

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” ~ Corinthians 13:4-7

That is such a beautiful passage, and they are certainly beautiful “goals,” of sorts. It certainly sounds like perfect love, to me. But when I hear these words, I can’t help but think to myself, “I certainly could work on that one a little more.”

So, I have realized, while getting swept up in all of the warm and fuzzy notions of love, such as wonderment, amazement, hopes, dreams, and rainbows — that failure is just as much of a love as success. As much as I have good intentions, I continually fail, every day, in countless tiny and silent (or not so silent) ways.

But I think that it is all part of the process. While recognizing failure, I have tried not to dwell on it either. Because love is like a beautiful quilt – there are many pieces that make it up – none is more important than another. Sometimes the pieces are large and colorful, and sometimes they’re smaller and more muted, but each serves a very important purpose in the overall scheme of things.

I have decided that the important part is to keep trying. Every day, I give it another go. I ask myself, “What I can improve upon today? How can I do it better? Can I be more patient? Have I listened enough? Is anyone being forgotten …and if so, how do I fix that?”

And that striving – that continual searching while doling out my scraps – is my best attempt at expressing the love in my heart. Somedays, that’s just one square of the quilt – and some days it’s the whole quilt, maybe more.

But it is always what I have to give.

OAT Shoes wins 2nd place at Amsterdam’s 2011 Green Fashion Awards.

“Choosing green often means having to make concessions on appearance, functionality, price or convenience.” OAT says they’re brining an end to that. “The future of fashion lies in a reconciliation between nature and industry. OAT Shoes strives to lead the way to that future.”

OAT was also Amsterdam’s 2011 Green Fashion Awards runner-up. We’re pretty sure that runway presentation sealed the deal ;-)

Credits: Benjamin Benschneider, The Seattle Times

Boeing’s Interior Design Engineer, Steve Sauer is no ordinary person. He stands 6’2″ tall (185cm) and lives in no more than 182 square feet of living space. How did he do it? He converted a tiny efficiency apartment into a complete living space by making use, not only of floor space, but the head-space above it. The apartment includes two lofted beds, a full kitchen with dishwasher, a bathroom and shower, a large bathtub hidden beneath the floor, a 37″ HDTV, a dining table, storage for two bicycles and enough space to host a party for ten! As tiny living grows in popularity and the amenities for building such dwellings increase, this topic will be a fun one to watch. For the full article, please visit the source link below.

Source: Seattle Times

Curious what Earth Mother is up to with all the recent shifting and flexing? You don’t have to look much farther than a compass. When scientists first located magnetic north in 1831, there wasn’t much evidence the pole had moved in a long while. Then in 1904, the pole began to journey toward Russia, moving approximately 9 miles (15 kilometers) a year. In 1989, pole movement jumped again to nearly 40 miles (60 kilometers) a year which has subsequently altered the orientation of numerous airport landing strips. Scientists theorize that a change in magnetism at the Earth’s core is responsible for the recent shifting, but Earth Mother herself would likely explain this in other ways :)

One might think that as environmentally irresponsible as we’ve been over the centuries, and particularly within the last 150 years, that humans may eventually destroy all life on this planet. Nature has news for you, “Not gonna happen.” In his article, The Gulf Oil Spill: How Nature Cleans Up Our Mess, author Jurriaan Kamp reports that the oil slick in the Gulf of Mexico appears to be dissolving far more rapidly than anyone expected and that, “We shouldn’t be surprised. Somehow we continue to underestimate the power of nature.”

It turns out, oil-eating bacteria have consumed large portions of the leaked oil faster than was predicted, proving once again that nature has its way of restoring balance.

Source: Ode Magazine →