Hollywood Railroad

Hollywood Journal: Friday Night

2013-05-19T02:25:00.000-07:00

     Hi there, hope this finds you doing well! I'm in the midst of preparing a bachelor nuh-nigh meal - sure to be tasty and pleasin' - and checking in with everyone. How are things?

     It was a crazy but amazing week on the editorial front with work - lots of things happening: Cannes, television upfronts, and original reports. It's been hard work but we're a strong team at my outlet and it's good to see a product growing. By the way, it's free to subscribe to Studio System News. You get two daily digests of the top curated entertainment news content and original reports from established media writers and analysts. Five days a week. We're not going to bore you with what someone is wearing, it's about what Hollywood - the town (not the Ben Affleck 'The Town') is talking about each day. Good stuff!

      Other than that, it's been laid-back. I haven't really been a spaz but I could - you know how it is when the week winds down, no more deadlines. I could read a book, I could watch any of dozen DVDs I haven't seen, catch up with magazines, friends. I've tried to do a little bit of all.

     Friday night I went out with friends to celebrate a best friend's upcoming birthday. One stop was a club with neon red -lit stairs that could serve as a location shoot for a Bronx walk-up. That was hot, made me homesick for my East Coast. Inside, not so much. A drag queen show. Ummm. Now look, I get it, just not into drag shows - it was just kinda slipped in when the music stopped and there were dudes there - enraptured - who look like they can change tires with their teeth. It was a one-drink stop and I suspect that wasn't Tanqueray I ordered - way to slip in well gin, folks. We left a great tip, but that was before we knew we were drinking gov't label well gin. Thank you, Aleve.

     Went to another place and had a bunch of free-range discussions that single friends have on a Friday night after each unknowingly downed well drinks! One was obsessed with a guy in an American Horror Story-style rubber suit, sans mask. "How do you think it feels?" my friend asked. "Tight." I said.

     The birthday best friend mentioned, as he's turning 45 this Monday, "Karl, you know we're considered old, right? In the dating world we're seen as old. You know that right?"

     Ummm...

     Did I answer, "I don't give a fuck!" loud enough? I don't think I did, although I tried. I get carded at least twice a month.For one, I don't date younger, not in the 20s. I didn't like artichoke dip until I was 36. And I'm not 45. Yet. For at least two more years. And when I am, I'll still be fly! Trust me, I don't hate on the youth. Especially in Los Angeles. I moved here when I was 27 years old - a recent 27. It's pretty much your duty when you move to L.A. to up the hot factor, make some daring moves image-wise, represent and mask the frustration that comes with waiting your turn until you hit. I'm all for it. I just don't want to date it. It's not personal - I've always been the younger one in my relationships. I'm talking 1-5 years max - and it's great: when you're mature beyond your years, it's sexy and when you regress to age-appropriate pissiness, you get a micro-pass on some of it because, hey, you're not 1-5 years older than the person who caused it/endured it. Ha!

     I told my friend(s) about my psychic reading in 2010. It was a birthday present. The lady was reputable - had made accurate predictions and a friend. Mygroup last night asked me if I'd told the psychic a lot of pre-reading revelations? I did not. I actually cried quiet man tears that shocked even me, but that's because I'm from the East Coast where psychics will tell you if you'll be dead in five years. I told her if she saw anything "bad" then I didn't want to do the reading. She assured me that she didn't do readings if she saw that energy and that my aura is love. Cool.

     What the psychic said , on the love life portion, after flipping cards that looked like 'Game of Thrones' rotogravures, was that I'm going to meet an older soul mate, someone who is established and "at the top of their game" and extremely successful in their field. That disappointed me because I'm the least materialistic person I know of - I could care less, I can buy my own jeans - to paraphrase my East Coast 80s peeps - so this sounded Hollywood trophy time to me, which I'd never do. She said no, our connection would be unrelated things and that it'd be our career drive and connection to each other that would be the crux of our love. It's going to be a lot of fun, amazing, incredible.

    And we'd have a great, epic romance - until it ends.

    The psychic said that I wouldn't end it, that it would be my lover to do this and that it wouldn't be ugly, just a natural progression, no one worse for the wear and everyone deservedly rich from the years of mutual hard work and empire building, perhaps. We'll both move on. And since I'll be younger, it'll be easier? So you heard it here first, if I get dumped in my 50s...or 60s (aww hell no).

      My friend, when I told him this last night as serio-comic proof that I won't be dating anyone in their 20s, said, "Psychics are full of shit!" To which I said, "Sometimes they are. God is the one who really knows." It's all so nebulous, but that's a fun story of the sideways world epic romance. I doubt it. Most of the people I've met at the top of their field who think I'm the bees knees are L.A. expatriates in Palm Springs who miss L.A. with a paralytic passion that. is. not. sexy. And I've never been to Palm Springs. I know, I know. But that's because when I was 27, I decided I'll only go when I'm in love. Sometimes that's the best way to see things for the first time.

Hollywood Nightcap: Bret Easton Ellis

2013-01-22T22:01:00.000-08:00

         First things first: Happy New Year and 2013, everybody. I won't gloss over the fact that I haven't posted in six months. No big excuse to make, other than I got promoted to online news editor over the summer at my gig, learned CMS in rapid time and I'm also still doing my work as a content producer at the aforementioned gig. Of course I've missed posting and I know this blog is a niche blog to be sure - it's commentary, journal entries (in chronological order), essays and so on.

       Now there's been plenty I could have chimed in on over the past half year, which is always a challenge, especially when it relates to Hollywood and the media business. I've been doing this for 11 years, that's not counting the acting days and the five years of living in L.A. before that. I tend to err on the side of diplomacy and keeping the inside stuff inside. I've seen all the angles.

     There's the adage that talking out of school will get you banished from wherever people eat lunch these days, but there's also plenty of empty seats at those tables from people who said nothing, sucked it up and quietly fossilized in Duarte or Palmdale, pissed, with a cocktail at the ready. Anyway, I'm not pissed and, if anything, I still have the enthusiasm and drive to keep working. I'm excited by people who are excited and I always look forward to working with people who feel the same way. Working on a daily magazine for many years, as I've said before, is a work format that really doesn't exist anymore, unless you're cranking out a soap opera and 50 pages of dialogue a day. You love what you do, give it your integrity and know it doesn't return void, no matter how long it takes. Especially in this recession/reinvention economy.

That being said, it's always interesting when you come across someone in the industry who doesn't give a fuck or err on the side of objectivity, for lack of a better word. Someone like Bret Easton Ellis. I follow Mr. Ellis on Twitter - it's safe to say he doesn't follow me back - as do 376,431 others and he's pretty much a dadgum hoot. Tonight I read his 'New York' magazine profile by Vanessa Grigoriadis called Bret Easton Ellis’s Real Art Form Is the Tweet. Check it out. Some of the comments after the story are dismissive and pissy, which I'm sure came as a surprise to no one. But you gotta hand it to the guy - the blase, literate, droll ennui of someone who seems clearly over it on the one hand but also inspired on the other.

I read 'Less Than Zero', my generation's apocalyptic version of 'The Outsiders', when I was in my mid-20s in Chicago..... which is how most people should read it - in a state other than California where you can really absorb the characters at a distance, rather than living in L.A. where those characters are your neighbors or, worse, co-workers (it's not a stretch, trust a brother). I didn't follow up with the rest of his canon, and the fact is that he's created a body of work and earned a name for himself, so I ain't hatin'.

I think it's a great profile, if for nothing else because it's just honest. It doesn't ask you to agree with his disposition and it seems a bit exhausting to be that interior, but he reminded me of family friends and distant cousins who used to come to visit my family in Washington, D.C. or Florida - on 'holiday' - and smoke at the dinner table and toss off some slightly shady bon mots that we embedded folk would never have dared. He's a butcher Andy Warhol and he's got the fuck-you money and employment to not really care who likes it.

He speaks about an abusive father, his partner who died suddenly in New York City, and a semblance of pop culture and industry zeitgeist that doesn't really exist anymore. As someone whose stepfather knocked him unconscious for breaking a vinyl Herbie Mann album in 1974 (pictured!) and who lost the love of my life, Bebbles, to a heart attack while I was out covering an event for 'The Hollywood Reporter' - that's just two kinds of countless pains a man can feel. Ellis has never lived in New York City since losing his love. I was in L.A. when mine happened and I couldn't imagine living anywhere else, but there was also nowhere to go, from the Slausson swap meet to the Beverly Hilton, where I could escape ghosts of togetherness, love, that eventually have to be laid to rest or incorporated, like personalities. Before any of that, I worked at a porn studio behind the scenes in L.A. as a temp (it's in this blog) but I'm pretty sure a lot of the similarities end there, although the stories and people from that industry are unforgettable. That's the book (fiction) that I'm gonna write.

Eliis is honest and it's a snapshot of a writer at a certain time in his life. He's honest and I don't know what else anyone could really want. Good luck, man, and mojo is cyclical, it's like a bad check - it always returns. Thanks for sharing.

Media Careers ...Advice for Job Seekers & the Employed

2012-07-04T15:53:00.000-07:00

Somewhere out there, someone can change your career for the better with the stroke of a pen..believe it.

     Hello readers & visitors! Karl here, with a post for people in the media industry - whether you're currently employed or looking, I can definitely speak to both states of being and there's a lot of frustration out there. I hear it a lot from friends and associates alike and if I can be of any help with some of these suggestions, all the better.

      Media is a vast and sprawling industry that's changing all the time. It doesn't always follow other market trends. For example, job losses can be down across the board nationally yet Los Angeles and New York (as indicators, I know we're not the only markets on earth!) are on hiring sprees. Conversely, there can be an upsurge in hiring in other sectors while the media sector is shedding jobs and the river thins temporarily with reasons ranging from, but not limited to, box office losses, management changes, mergers/acquisitions or mimetic power of suggestion ( 'Disney laid off 10 people in international, so maybe we should too!').

     You also know that the media sector job pool is smaller and specialized, it's either a hot mess or it's boom times. But you knew that and since you do, here's some advice, if you want it, for both the seeker and the currently employed, on a few topics that come up the most in my experience.

There's no jobs!

     That's bullshit. So get it out of your head. Today.There aren't enough jobs, this is true. People are hurting and it's plainly visible and sad. You know this. But this is your job search.

I spent months looking for work- and aren't we always in some state of looking or looking to expand professionally? - and you can't become defeated or demoralized by every unemployment statistic, home page banner story on the worst/best day Wall Street has had or every foreclosure/depleted 401k/tent city article you see. Of course you're sympathetic and empathetic about these truths. Right now, you're looking for a job. You can read or watch the news later. Otherwise you'll feel like 'what's the effin' point?' and that's not going to work for you in any long-term motivational sense. I learned more about the stock market when I was job hunting than ever. Except I didn't need a stockbroker's job, so focus on your search and the 6 W's:

1) Who you are professionally? Starting, intermediate, advanced - no shame, this is you. Rock it.

2) What areas you're looking to work in? What can you contribute? What do you want to contribute?

3) Why do you want to do this work and why 'they' (employers) should care (because you kick-ass, right?!). This becomes your own internal mission statement on a dime and it flows.

4) Where do you want to go and where do you want to start this time? Is this a gig just to stop financial loss or is it something you want long-term? Either answer is fine, there are jobs suited for both - just keep it as close to your industry as possible, even if it's on the edge with bacon skates. In my 20s I had jobs that just eked an antennae into the entertainment realm. Sometimes chefs have to be waiters for a minute - at least you're in the damn restaurant..so to speak! You'll transition just the same and any discipline is good discipline. It doesn't have to be forever and if the gig sucks, you'll know what not to do when you can make those kinds of calls yourself.

5) When are you ready? If you're ready now, then focus on your wish list of employers, areas of expertise and set a job search and application schedule for yourself. Are you going to look for 5 hours a day or 2? Are you going to train or refresh some skills? Do you need to save to buy a suit or do you want to go rogue and present business casual? Need some dental work while you still have COBRA? Get started and stick to it. Be ready to go and ready to present the best of yourself, the stuff that matters. Don't worry about the garnish and the trivial.

     A job search doesn't have to be fraught with mental frenzy, so stay calm. I chipped a tooth- a front tooth- damn near in half right when my COBRA ended several years ago. It was either payment plan or super glue (careful with that stuff!). I got if fixed but it was a ca$h hit when I least expected it and more than a few of my first-edition books I loved went up on Amazon (for others to love...and buy). Keep pushin'! I learned Power Point and some advanced Excel and hoped I wouldn't need it. Stay fresh and as prepared as you can. And if you chip your tooth the day before the interview, smile carefully and fix it as soon as you can! Mistakes happen more when you panic.

6) Which methods do you want to use for your job search? Some people go strictly through people they know to see who's hiring. That method is somewhat rarefied as a strict job search, so for most of us it's a combination of who you know where hiring is happening and job search engines/boards/job lists.

     Do you want to pay for paywalled job listings or sign up for alerts through different job search engines i.e. Simply Hired or Indeed.com? Corporate websites have career opportunity tabs. Whether you're going for temp work or permanent employment, I recommend also submitting your resume to their dedicated e-mail address. If it's not on the site, it takes one call to ask if they're currently accepting resume submissions. If you got an awesome severance, a headhunter or recruiter might be an option. Research which methods will work best for you.

The media/entertainment industry sucks!

    Well, sometimes it does but it's still an incredibly rewarding and amazing industry with a reach still untold. It's a content and product-driven industry. Same popcorn, different boxes and that's just part of the fun of it. Love the good things and tune out the bullshit.

Entertainment/media = cyclical. Honchos come and go. Regimes come and go. People move up. People move out. Again, this is about you and your place in it. If you're sweating the trappings, i.e. the bad-ass car, the swag, etc., then strap that on your back too. Nothing wrong with it but when you love what you do, the rest will come. Keep it about the work and what you can offer in a way that few others can.

    Yes, a lot has changed and I lament a lot of those changes for people coming into it, especially interns doing assistant jobs for a pittance or no pay with no incentive to stay in a crazy business after being rode hard n' put up wet. It wasn't that long ago - Halloween 2007 - when the last writers strike hit. The strike changed a lot of things and burned a lot of crops. There was a ripple effect - the studios lost people, creative talent was force majeure-d into temporary unemployment or oblivion. It was a standoff and either side you were for, as well as the ancillary sectors took major losses in jobs, finance, morale and traditional inroads to the business.

   Then came the 2008 recession (officially) and all hell broke loose. It's tough. It's reality. People moved away, moved back home, back into their parents' homes and worse. Some will be back, some are gone for good.

   But has it ever been easy to maintain a career in this industry? Not really. You need to be creative whether you're rolling calls or running a division. When one's break comes, you're still not done. You have to maintain your 'role' and grow with it. It's always been about who you know, more rejections than approvals, keeping your focus and communication. Sometimes it takes time....a long time. Delays aren't denials.

   Stick with it and refuse to be flushed out. I was laid-off in a very public way - Nikki Finke reported it on Deadline Hollywood Daily - and she was nice, which helped. My voice mail turned over three times and that was before I even made it home. I wasn't laid off for cause but it was still back to the drawing board. Again, you (and your Higher Power or God, in my case) are the authors of your trajectory. It hurt, it sucked but there's more than one rodeo in town and there's a lot of companies that want good people. Maybe because of how intense the path is to a career in the industry is what makes it that much sweeter when it all works and you arrive, for the first of many times. The industry is crazy, knows it and the fortitude it takes to stay in it and to love what you do is what makes the industry not suck. Today's corporate terror still has to stand in line at LAX or JFK with the rest of us in due time. Trust me!

How is my resume?

    I'll keep this short. You need a resume. Don't get caught up in the SEO of it all, imagining that every application you send online is being filtered by a Search Term Oz in The Sky. SEO madness is overkill and sheepy. Keep your resume to one or two pages, max. Keep the font readable and error free - small type and typos are the real resume killers. If you're doing your resume yourself let a couple of trusted people see it for feedback, keep the format neat and present yourself and your contributions/expertise. The interview is the face-time you need to connect the paper to a person, People spend weeks toying with resumes without one submission = wasting time. You can always revise.

Networking

     I'll keep this short, too. I say whatever works for you, do it. In my case, when I was looking for work, it was at the peak (thus far) of the recession and there was just not that much practical networking to do. I didn't have time for a lot of 'lunches' because I was looking for my next job. Lunches are great but they're mounting business expenses when they're one after the other and more about people seeing if you're okay as opposed to leads or real talk. Most people I knew in the publishing industry were sincerely trying to keep their own jobs. None if it was their fault in an unsure market with fidgety hiring managers. Still, there are always surprises that can happen - a publicist I'd worked with for years and admire heard I was in between jobs and gave me gratis inclusion in his college course. I was 38 years old and in college ...again.... but it was amazing. I'd worked with all the guest lecturers and it was a rewarding experience I'll always be thankful for.

      Perhaps your scenario is different and I'm sure mine would be different three years later, so definitely reach out to people you've worked with or worked for that know your skills and professional value. I have definitely forwarded resumes and done what I can -many people can do the same. For those who can't, keep the friendship or colleague connection and don't sweat the leads. Chances are that you got your last gig on your own and you can do it again.

Social Networking

       For sake of a general term, I'll call it 'social networking' here. Do it! There's finesse to it of course and no one wants to be spammed or marketed ad nauseum in any medium, but the options are virtually endless to create a fuller picture of yourself.

As far as the more formal social mediums, creating a social/virtual thumbprint for yourself is empowering and varied enough to do with the tools you prefer. It's a way to show yourself beyond the resume bullet points and be as three-dimensional as you want to be.

I like LinkedIn - create a full profile and go through your notes and connect with people you've worked with. If you're not working now, I strongly advise you to not list your last job as your current job. I know a lot of people do that because in the media realm you're 'only' as good as your last gig....yadda yadda yadda, their fortunes change too. If someone calls for you at Miramax and you don't work at Miramax anymore, then that's a clusterfu** you do not need. Besides, people can read, they'll be able to see your last gig was at Miramax. I mean, really.

LinkedIn has a job search function and premium features that can help also. For any of the social media forums or sites you're not familiar with, there's usually a '__________ for Dummies' book on Amazon you can buy. If you're job hunting, buy a used copy and dig in. Follow them on Twitter for updates, links and articles

    I also like Twitter for finding like-minded professionals, staying on top of trends in the industry by following outlets I trust. There are thousands of experts on social networking on Twitter you can follow who'll go much deeper and specific than I can here. I created a Twitter account probably a good three years behind. I didn't have a whole lot to say there whilst decompressing after 8 years of 70-hour work weeks and job-seeking, but it's absolutely worth it in the expanse and reach you can encompass. I've started very slow - I'm following maybe 100 people and being followed by about the same - it's quality versus quantity in my experience and I actually can read all of their tweets as opposed to 7000, which would be fine in time. It feels organic and I like! (I'm @karlgibson)

Consider a blog or micro-blogging platform you can create that's not limited to the constraints of job searching. This blog came about during my job search - a niche place I could post what I liked for those interested while writing about my experiences in the industry and figuring it out sometimes too along the way.

I was at Warner Bros. in an interview about 3 years ago when an executive I knew very well - and had helped aplenty at The Hollywood Reporter- asked me with a straight face, "So what did you do at The Hollywood Reporter again? You answered phones right?" Ummmm, no @@^^$!!**, but thanks for playing, I thought and said with my eyes. And so a blog was born! No axes to grind, just a place to write and share my experience. There's Storify, Tumblr, Chime.In and countless other options to choose from. Google it! Which brings me to...

Google Alerts!

       I can't recommend this enough. Did you know I found out I was going to be laid-off in 2008 because of a good ol' Google Alert? Well, that's partly true - I first-hand found out when I heard an editor yell in an office, "We're going to lose Karl!?" And I'd set up a Google Alert for The Hollywood Reporter's parent company at the time, Nielsen. The Financial Times posted a story on a fifth round of layoffs in Nielsen's publishing sector the day before in the U.K. and that's the honest way I wasn't blindsided.

      Use Google alerts to follow or be alerted to any news you might need for your industry or your job search and set your notifications for 'As they happen' in the drop-down tab when you set your alerts up. I created a Gmail account specifically for Google Alerts and they've been invaluable and opened up many credible sources I'd never have known of in the regular course of a day. If you're job hunting, set up alerts for keywords relating to your industry: you'll stay on top of trends and have talking points you can relate to from your own experience. For writers, you'll also be able to reach out to other writers where appropriate and there are many great writers out there. I set up search terms for everything in my industry that I needed to stay on top of , including things I wanted to learn, i.e. 'free tutorials', 'job search engines', executive moves, etc. Google Alerts are your friend.

Keep the Faith

      I think it's human nature to want to call it a day professionally on your own terms, so unless you're retiring for good, keep going forward. If you have been laid-off or cut, then that's an extra set of emotions to deal with beyond the task of getting a new job. This might sound pithy but you have to treat it like any other split or break-up and realize that the odds are, unless you truly did cost yourself the job, it is hardly as personal as you think. I found out years later from the horse's mouth (proverbial, not literal) that my former parent company laid off over 100 people because of benefits (!?). Exactly. How random is that? It wasn't our fault or bad work. But if you'd been walking around feeling like a sullied bohunk for a year, that'd have been worse. And if you have cost yourself your gig, regroup and come back. Hollywood loves those, as do most industries.

     I know searching and working gets tiresome and tedious, so keep the faith. Your industry of choice and the work you do for it makes them your employers, not your captors. If you're phoning it in, go somewhere else where you're excited again because phoning it does not last, pisses people off and you never really make that pay scale again once the final curtain gets peeled back. Intention, sincerity and passion for what you do is what sets you apart.

     Whatever your belief system is, work your faith in it. Personally, God made a huge difference because if no one knew the particulars or truth of every detail, He did. You do the believing and He does the doing. If you feel like every single step and gain is on your shoulders then you're putting an immense, unbearable amount of pressure on yourself. It's your career. Own it and have fun with it. Lawyers don't cease to be lawyers when in between firms and the same goes for you. Don't compare yourself to how others are doing - I've seen millionaires come and go and the good ones stay in the game. What they all have in common is: it's their ride and they're going to do it their way, whether they build on it or blow it. It's not our call, so if it's unbearable, high-tail it out of there and get ready for your own eventual ride the right way. As with so many of the above-mentioned things, the options are endless. I wish us all well!

Happy Independence Day- literally! - Karl

Rest in Peace, Ms. Houston aka The Machine Keeps Moving

2012-02-13T17:46:00.000-08:00

I don't know what I can possibly add to the many remembrances of Whitney Houston, a performer whose influence and music spans generations. There are countless comment sections in every media outlet where personal milestones and memories of her music are being shared. For me it was listening to "You Give Good Love" on a high school bus trip to Six Flags in Jackson, New Jersey with the school band. I also fell in love with spouse Bebbles to the "My Love Is Your Love" CD -- the bass thumping from the title track ("It'll take an eternity to break us...") from our car and van all over L.A. County. She was grown, formidable by any definition and most people wished her the best.

   This first-person account of the scene at the Beverly Hilton on Saturday by CBS news producer Chris St. Peter is pretty telling of the keep-it-moving nature of the awards-season beast in L.A. I can't even count the number of events I've covered at the Beverly Hilton and no doubt most of the attendees there Saturday can't count how many times they've been there. In most cases when chaos has jumped off at the Beverly Hilton it's the hotel guests who get the show: the valet line gets longer, more celebrities have to wait and pace and it's a privileged fishbowl. Still, it's safe to say that nothing like Ms. Houston's death at the hotel has sparked the A-list amalgam of disbelief and business-as-usual described by the author of the account in some time.

     The article is a telling and precise read: it harnesses the indescribable combination of chaos, entertainment news-gathering and the determined star-trek to the most exclusive party of Grammy week in town. I worked at a 7-Eleven in college and would never wear my assigned smock - that garish mosaic of a corporate logo - and my boss would always cuss me out and ask why I wouldn't do as told and wear it. I'd always say, "Because the night something happens to me, you're going to step right over my body and ring up a Slurpee and Chicago Sun-Times and keep going." He said that wasn't true but the night I did get held up he was nowhere to be found and I was in my own clothes, a person, not a drone. The Chicago PD came in and said I'd handled it great and was lucky to be alive and- while I was at it- could I ring them up some lottery tickets and drinks. I almost screamed 'fuck you and your drinks!' but I didn't even have a cash til (stolen empty) and I didn't really have my wherewithal in that moment. But it was very clear: the machine keeps moving. Dreadful sorry, Whitney Houston.

Links Ahoy! Monday, February 6, 2012 - Soul Train Edition

2012-02-06T17:06:00.000-08:00

The Tampa Bay Times' Eric Deggans did a great job on this appreciation of Don Cornelius and "Soul Train." "Soul Train" aired longer than "Oprah" did and is known far and wide, but to be a kid in the early '70s watching "Soul Train" on a tv/stereo/radio console that took up a whole wall was like having a nightclub in your house/apartment.

I'd close the blinds so there'd be no noon-time glare on the TV so I could catch every new dance and shirt I wanted. Plus the stars... Marvin Gaye in a skullcap and stacks, The O'Jays in suits and brothers in jackets with no shirts. The fashion, the dances and the commercials ("Po-o-os-NER! Positively beautiful.") were both pop-culture keyholes to modern Black America and the television viewing masses at large. "Soul Train" was a syndicated show in a four-channel universe (not counting UHF) that kept many a family indoors watching until it ended and Saturday afternoon could really start. Don Cornelius was that universal living room friend -he absolutely looked like he could be your father's/fly uncle's partna or good buddy. He was smooth, he was revolutionary and he is missed.

P.S. - Also, check out Jack Varnell's post from The Good Men Project.

Suicide Sadness

2012-02-01T23:45:00.000-08:00

     The one time I vividly remember considering suicide was a summer day in 1984, the kind of hot, drawn-out summer day particular to the suburban East Coast where the mall and shopping plaza are the primary social hub for teenagers not old enough to drive. You go buy Nikes, go the arcade, buy records from The Wiz and take your ass right back in the house before you melt.

    My family had just moved back, months earlier, to the town I'd grown up in my whole life after a three-year stint in Florida where my extended family had moved.

A Florida road I know well

My three years in Florida covered 7th - 9th grade in a town that, I soon found, rivaled any Deep South hotbed of racial hatred I'd ever read of. God-fearing adults called you 'nigger' as blithely as pointing out a type of plant ("Cactus, ficus...ni-gguh...") - even in church.

Kids you played with one day were no longer able to talk to you the next and any falling-out between us became racially-charged explosions with their tearful parents banging on our door, screaming for the reparations expected. There were few, and I mean few, bright spots. I did have my family, the family pool and some genuine friends who, years later, I found, friended and personally thanked on Facebook for going beyond the pack-mentality of the time. It was intense.

By the time I was back East from Florida in December 1983, I was starting freshman year in the middle of a school year. The kids at my high school were kids I'd grown up with since elementary school but crucial adolescent years had already passed and they thought I'd changed. My polo shirts and pants, de rigeur in the Florida heat, were 'preppy'; I didn't talk the same anymore...'so proper! is that gay?'.. I didn't know the music (no Black radio station for three years) and it was enough social displacement to keep me out of the loop and at polite arms-length, while not mistreated, for the rest of 9th grade. It was hurtful, especially since I felt like a virtual Freedom Rider after enduring some of the most hardcore racial backwardness they couldn't fathom. Being the only Black kid (besides my brother, who everyone thought was Mexican) for miles wasn't even a tangible concept if you hadn't lived it.

   Summer '84, 10th grade is less than a month away and I gained weight. My best friend at the time came out to me one afternoon on his family's trip I'd been invited to - dramatically so and in a canoe on some river in Virginia (I didn't care so long as it made him happy). We hadn't made it to the shore before he flipped out at his own candor while ensuring his status of a non-grata tool that same day. Came home and my Mom's tthen-boyfriend had been over. He'd brought his two teenagers and their teenage cousin over to our house for the day. I walked into my bedroom to this trio reciting, line-for-line, entries from my journals that I kept in a drawer and my 9-year old brother had been no match for in keeping out of their hands. Racism and weight issues, how funny! Between flipping out on my brother and then almost ninja-stomping my uninvited nosy guests, I'd ~~fucking~~ had it. Not long after, my uncle moved in with my aunt and three cousins. I was glad they were there but privacy was nil and the alpha-male power play between my uncle and I played out in scenes that exhausted the whole house.

     And so, one day, with a new school year right around the corner and a now-forgotten public slight that was the final straw, I went to my room and thought if this was all there was to look forward to then why not just jump out the fucking window, literally, and end it, life, for real-for-real? I was 14 years old and had been called nigger so many times in the States and overseas that I literally had lost count. I was 'too black' for the South, 'too white' for the East, 'too black' for Europe and about to go back to school even heavier, if that was possible, with jeans bought from the same store where men twice my age bought their pants ....and those men were Washington Redskins. I was a loving person who, aside from my family, couldn't get it back. Life seemed a series of betrayals. Add to that the attempts of sexual abuse in Europe and in a local house five miles from the very window I was now standing at that I'd kept completely to myself since I was 9 years old; it was one big funnel cloud of: what is wrong with this picture and what is the point of it?

     My next thought was that the window was only three stories off of the ground- not enough height to really die and then there was the pesky barbed wire fence that separated our complex from the high rise apartments next to us. With my luck I'd land on the fence, an impaled and bloody mess instead of a martyred dead teen on the grass. I over-thought the whole thing and tried to weigh less painful options until, out of nowhere, a voice just came in and it wasn't the eloquent, graceful one I'd have assumed would appear in this instance. This voice was concerned and halting but it was also profane and comedic in a way that was right up my alley..

     This voice, disguised as a blend of Richard Pryor and perhaps some ancestral spiritual blend, basically said, "You're thinking of jumping out of a got-damned window for who?! It isn't completely clear to you that you're never going to be able to please everybody, right? Right. And you'd kill you for them? What kind of shit is that? So stop trying. Be yourself, or as much as yourself as you know how to be right now, and if that ain't good enough then fuck 'em! This is bullshit." And that was the end of that. I could no longer imagine martyring myself over things that, if I was true to myself, could be vanquished, dismissed or settled as each one presented itself. That became my drive: to conquer and to not ever feel the despairing lack of what I felt was self-worth that made me actually envision ending my own life.

     I didn't magically see the future but I did know that worst-case scenario, if I had no one other than my loved ones, I still had myself and I liked myself enough that I could more than hang. It took three more years to be able to buy my pants off the rack in a standard size and four more years to truly reconcile and square away the abuse I'd harbored. Still, I did enjoy the rest of high school and started earning money as an actor at 15 because I loved it and it forced me to handle criticism (or not) and let me transfer my empathy/angst in a way that as I became more disciplined was magic expression even when it hurt. I challenged myself and was the humorous, assertive guy who took no flack whatsoever. Sometimes too assertive but love, as an adult, tempered that and I haven't flipped a bar table in at least 18 years (this month!).

     Hurts happens and they accumulate. Suicide, being such a wholly individual act by definition, is a subject that almost is too unwieldly to get a handle on. If you've known someone who's taken their life it's a perplexing, sorrowful process; just thinking what was it that happened, was felt/ thought that was so bleak, so convincingly unceasing that there seemed no other way than to stop it all together? Perhaps your heart goes out to them or you're angry at not being given a chance to help, to tackle them if you had to, but the answer is gone and for survivors it is a lonely, cruel specter.

     When I was 35 and held my spouse's funeral-the day of- I went to make some coffee before preparing to go to the funeral home in Glendale and had a full out anxiety attack. My mother was here and I remember saying that how was it possible that I wasn't going to die myself the minute I had to step out and greet guests or prep the cathedral? In later days and months I remember wishing, in pointless and horrified past tense, that instead of dying in my arms we'd, say, been in an instant car crash... because at least we'd have gone together, unified in an instant, with no estates to settle, an identity and sense of joy to reconstruct or distraught couples-friends who fled because death is worse than divorce when you've vacationed and shared holidays together.

    Suicide wasn't a thought to me then because I'd witnessed God's merciful collection of spirit and by seeing it knew that there was a bigger picture beyond any present understanding and that I'd need to be strong. It wasn't a comedic voice this time that warned me, it was one of my brothers who said, "Take care of yourself. Because if you don't, then it's another another tragedy."

     Loss, whatever its form, is hard enough and if you follow it with your own person, then it is horribly compounded. I don't know the answer to a stranger's despair but I do know that we are more resilient, strong and worthy than we know and in a world of billions of human beings, there is someone-even if a stranger saw you - as well as God, who will care, can care, does care- who will hold you to earth if you let them. When the voice doesn't come, even your own, please do not despair. For those in pain, my words are not meant to be your words but you didn't go through life to take yourself out of the game. I know that as sure as trouble don't last always. It can't.

P.S. Rest in peace, Don Cornelius. Never upstaged and always fly, you can never know how truly revolutionary and incredible "Soul Train" was for decades. An hour a week that changed the world. Godspeed.

Suicide Prevention Resource Center
Teen Suicide Prevention Resources

Alliance of Hope for Suicide Survivors

Links Ahoy! Tuesday, January 31, 2012

2012-01-31T12:31:00.001-08:00

1) The trailer for "Game Change" looks pretty damn awesome. You betcha!

2) Federal communications monitoring is nothing new. Remember how flipped out a lot of folks got when the Patriot Act came up back in the early aughts? ("Someone could have been listening to my Papa John's order! Bastards!") Not making light of privacy or civil liberties, but there's already so much going on that getting ~~narcissistic~~ crazy about this is like fretting that someone in IT at work is reading every single employee IM or a gaggle of feds are listening to millions of cell phone rants that even we, Joe Public, can't stand to listen to.

There's a lot of us talking, writing, typing and commenting on what, to a discerning terrorism aggregator, would be the most banal minutiae ever. Recent reports of the FBI's bid to contractors in creating an app to monitor social media are already raising issues for debate. I'm in the bigger-fish-to-fry mode: How about a suggestion box? Mebbe a quickie scrape (wear gloves) of Yahoo!'s comment boards, a ghastly place I imagine smells like spilled beer, wasted dreams, beefaroni, topical ointment and Jim Crow's Sunday suit. Talk about terroristic threats - check out that ~~hot mess~~ sometime. That said, I loved this headline from Flesh Eating Zipper.

2012 or Bust! Some Year-End Thoughts...

2011-12-30T06:12:00.000-08:00

     Hello, my Hollywood Railroad peeps! One need only look down one post and see that it's been 3 months and some change since my last post and for that I say...a brothah was survivin' and working his a$$ off!

     I know, it's not an excuse and I will do better in 2012 because I do care and I do appreciate the hits to this blog in my posting hiatus/absence. For those who landed here over the year looking up porn or for nude photos of tagged artists within this site, sorry to disappoint! And for those of you readers/visitors who checked this site from links or Linked.In to see if I was real or self-Googling, I'm glad you stopped by (Google Alerts rock, by the way).

     This blog has been a great way to impart some true slices of myself and offer a mix of journals, links, archival material and all manner of informed posts - I appreciate your time and there's hundreds of posts to check out if you should ever feel so inclined. I thank the thousands of readers who spent more than 15 seconds here and 2012 is gonna be some fun, so stick with me!

     I'm back from vacation on the East Coast after a five-year absence and it was amazing to unplug, save for the occasional Android-mobile-hurry-up-and-wait check-ins on apps that, alas, suck on Android phones. It was good to skate off the grid a smidge as it were and I'm now back in L.A. and fully immersed, so that respite was a mere blink.

     I won't post any grandiose year-end lists of hot and happening stuff since I know you've heard of Adele, et al. And besides, the glory of social media, blogs and the Web means that there's hundreds of trending matters you've tracked already and don't need me (or anyone else) to expound on.

    My year-end list, and I do have one, will be random and and in the spirit of the democratic blogosphere and Internet we enjoy, I offer you my topical thoughts on:

1) Media: Exciting, isn't it? Most of the time, anyway. I am a bit of a cynic and have seen the sausage made and cased so many different ways that I refrain from commentary on a lot of it on this site to avoid crank-usations. The E! billboard for the Kardashian 'Fairy Tale Wedding' didn't stop me for a nano-second as I crossed the street and ignored it months ago. I can't claim any psychic powers other than I see a billboard like that and start thinking of the gleeful Accounts Receivable department at said outlet and the virtual sizzle of a steak sure to be sent back by a good percent.

Other random false starts: "Boss" gets a two-year commitment despite ratings that didn't predict them; Qwikster tanks despite the Jobs-like pontification with a cool ear mike, facial hair and casual clothes; everyone doesn't like cartoon films or certain 3D presentations. DVD sales are down but still gross billions. I still think the democratization of media and the break-out surprises and attention to those who really do entertain or provide content is amazing. That more people watched the talking twin babies in the kitchen on You Tube than "Sarah Palin's Alaska" for example, is genius!

2) Married people: I'm so happy for you. Please be happy for yourself/selves. Most of you are, so don't think I'm being facetious. I've seen so many pissy married exchanges this year that my new favorite thing is to ask couples how they met. It's amazing how couple arguments over minutiae just vanish into the ether when people stop to remember and recount The Moment they knew their first interaction was worth pursuing. Plus, I'm a romantic and really interested, so if I ask you that question it's not so you'll change the subject. It's just way more fascinating. It's a big world out there and love is a miracle and blessing.

3) Single people: Let's get over ourselves, a'ight? I say this as a single person who's not too worried about being single (the options of the world!) but it AMAZES me (justifiable caps there) how so many people in my generation and age group are some serious Cranky McFees. Dating is supposed to be fun, remember!?

   I say this as a man who was a widower at 35 years old. I was happy in my union and it was a hard, emotionally brutal climb from that irreversible loss of kinship and love that I thought would last until the wheels fell off. If a person who has lost a partner/spouse to an untimely death can keep that bit of knowledge to an initial two or three minute encapsulation then you can keep your divorce story to a considerable length as opposed to a 45-minute freestyle. I didn't do it!
I'm just sayin'.

Besides, you're way too young to be going on like someone grousing before, you know, the advent of interwebs and the world at your fingertips or people in front of your face (very analog, right?). I know it's not easy but get that fun spirit back. All amazing things happen in the present moment, not in memory or future projections. Yes, I was reminded of that from memory and a podcast or six! Not that you need a podcast, but I'll take common sense in any form, any day! Happy dating by the way! Relax and shine, y'all.

4) Social media: The engagement possibilities are endless for us and like most, I'm still researching what works best for my own tastes and time commitment. Facebook is still an incredible way to reach friends, family and users with links that deliver. despite tagged Thanksgiving photos that don't match how I thought I looked. Google+ I can't really say much about since I haven't joined yet and, yes, it has something to do with the fact that I was never invited when 60% of the people I know had invitations when it was beta. Stingy beta divas, yes, I'm talking to you. Twitter is still a great way to get news feeds and topical immediacy (or for the kids to tell each other #whatsucks) even if a disproportionate amount of professionals use it as a marketing onslaught that would get them defriended on Facebook in 4 seconds/posts or minus-ed on Google+ or whatever you do there when you move people out of the rotary circle grouping or what have you. Look. I'm still trying to clear CDs and magazines out of my kitchen, I don't need to organize more stuff...until I take the time and I'm sure I will! Right? Right? Anyway, there's Chime.In, Tumblr, and tons o' popular and successful sites worth you taking a look at. Tell me all about it at reporterkarl@gmail.com. I'm truly interested and that's the troof!

5) Oprah: I miss you. So many random cult-of-personality meltdowns this fall season and they don't have you to interview them for mass redemption. I am being serious here. Who is Demi going to talk to when the time is right? "The Chew"? I miss you, but 25 years at your craft and signature excellence is more than most are able to do, so I know we just have to deal. It was also an honor to have my realtionships docu-series pitch considered by OWN this year (and this was well after any Oprah-related posts in this blog). Continued success, Ms. Winfrey!

6) The Next Generation ( 18 and over, in this case): Hang in there! I am a firm believer in not hating on the youth. I say that because I remember being an 18-year old who didn't live on campus and had his own apartment while I rang up (and sometimes made) Slurpees and nachos tubs in Oak Park, IL to pay for books and my slumlord's rent. College student or not, you're coming into some crazy shit these days and we know you're not all wearing skinny jeans, centrifugal hair and texting (LOL!... JK!) and even if you are, you'll have plenty of time to reminisce on those breezy days in time. When I let my hair grow at 19 and started making the audition rounds I had people looking at me like Satan come home and many people in the very business I work in now wrote me off as momentary shock value or whatever they thought. I'm still here!

     The point is: you're working hard, navigating collapsing constructs that my generation found when we got degrees that didn't, in the short-term, seem like they'd ever pay off and 3 years at a gig was pushing it. Believe and achieve, because I think you're light years ahead in a lot of ways. I have been in Hollywood for 15 years (30 years in elapsed time) and everyone deserves their era's version of what they think is hot...unless you're ridiculous. Even the 23-year old who asked me on a date and got pissed because I said I don't like drinking coffee in public (it's just lame....I'm sorry...on a date. I'd rather eat something with utensils in case it's a disaster...but that's me) and said, "Well, then how about, like, a walk, you know? Like, an activity?" didn't sway my understanding. You're supposed to be a smart-ass at 23 and think you invented walking and interactive activities. It doesn't get you dates with a guy who was in college when you were in your first trimester but it's not supposed to! Don't fall for the stereotypes or the media reflection of yourself that says you all have Bieber hair, attention defecit, and a prediposition to sext.

7) Sexting: Speaking of sexting, technology allows anyone to be an amateur hottie but that stuff really does go viral quickly, as we've seen many times this year. I'm not judging... but as a guy I can't help but look at some of these public sext scandals and be thrown off that an entire generation of guys are in one-armed photos with no irony showing off their junk in front of a bad hotel bathroom mirror (room service will get those towels. Look at my luxurious lotion!) or with their Mom's wallpaper in the background (or worse, their own pot pie tins, etc.).  I'm not talking about celebs who want to keep the booty calls rolling and then cry hackery.

   I don't know, the one-armed self-portrait is a defining statement in itself and I guess, even with clothes, that we're in the age where archeologists will wonder if at this point in the 21st Century we didn't have people to take pictures of us. I'm old enough to remember when Food 4 Less developed nudie consumer film with no conifiscation (I've been in L.A. a long time! Not that I did it - besides, black actors don't get asked to do nudity. It doesn't "travel") Again, not hating, but if you're wanting to not be a headline and keep it 'private', be savvy. Like, put your junkage on a plate or a Bounty paper towel and zoom instead of the tube sock stomp in front of your oscillating fan or bachelor drapes. At least when you get busted you can say, "No way that's me, I'd never put my peen on Chinet or 99-cent store paper towels."

   Last but not least, here is to 2012: I wish everyone a great, fortifying New Year that surpasses anything amazing that you could imagine. Here's to continuing to set the trends and social change that advance us further into the 21st Century and our ultimate expression. The last word is yours and don't let anyone tell you different. I wish us all the best!

I thank you for reading and visiting this blog, as always, and will see you next year! - Karl

My L.A. Journals: 2003- Post 3: "National Security" Premiere- Westwood, CA

2011-09-10T14:17:00.000-07:00

January 15, 2003

This post: The "National Security" film premiere, January 2003. Westwood, CA

Went to the "National Security" premiere and after-party tonight for THR at Mann's Village Theater in Westwood. I went with my buddy D.Dubb. Columbia was the studio; there was no cohesion at arrivals, will-call, or the red carpet. There were security teams, fans behind the barriers, a will-call table across the street from the theater. My tickets weren't there and I had to get a Columbia staffer to help locate them, which took another ten minutes.

I took a 15-minute break from the movie and decompressed in the Mann's lobby after seeing Martin Lawrence's character called a 'monkey' in the film more than a few times. Racial rants as comedy. It was embarrassing. The audience, most of them industry people and comedy royalty, just laffed and laffed and my pupils dilated in mind-numbing shock. I kicked it with the theater staff behind the concession counter. They were looking all left-out and I wanted them to know they weren't missing anything.

      I told D. Dubb I'd quit and become a lumberyard worker for the rest of my natural days before I could submit to ...being called out of my name. The shit that some of these writers write for Black characters and the business they give them to do is worse than cleaning toilets. I was mentioning some of this to D.Dubb and didn't know that a Columbia executive was standing there and overheard me. The Columbia exec looked at me, then looked sad and worried before walking away. D.Dubb looked nervous but I told him that THR is a $53-million dollar paper, after taxes and expenditures. I can help Columbia more than they can help me, so my opinion ,said in private, isn't going to affect me at all. I worked all day in the bureau. I don't sweat that. I wasn't reviewing the movie.

      Saw Regina King of "227" and "Jerry Maguire." She was beautiful. I confessed to her that I had her "Right On" magazine poster on my wall when I was a teenager. I told her she was beautiful and that I was so happy for her. She's working on "Legally Blonde 2: Red, White & Blonde" with Reese Witherspoon.

     Taraji Henson of "Baby Boy" and "The Division" show was there with her manager. I introduced myself and told her that in the Lifetime press pack it says that she is from Washington, D.C. I'm from Georgetown and grew up in Temple Hills. She knew the neighborhood. Her characterization in "Baby Boy" is so idnetifiable to a lot of the audience; I told her I saw her character in a lot of my my younger brother's girlfriends. I'm so happy for her gig on "The Division" and we're pretty much the only minority in our respective work forces. She said it was nice to meet me and I was so flattered. She has a great laugh and is very enthusiastic about her career.

     Film reporter *Petra Kane* was at the after-party, licking a key lime tart free of its filling and leaving the dough shell on the table. Her husband came over and Petra complained about her assistant getting on her nerves. I complimented her on her hair since she's letting it grow out and not wearing her 'Casino' fall much these days. She said she'd like her hair to be shorter but, "I know I come across as 'hard' on camera and longer hair softens me." True.

    Petra said she's a size '0' ("the same as Selma Blair.." ) and that a lot of film actresses "freak out" if they see numbers in their dress tags. She mentioned an actress of a late-'90s teen hit who was unnecessarily dogged by her director about her weight during filming. When she saw herself onscreen that furthered her weight complex. Petra explained that all actresses see themselves in their first film in a theater and decide to change whatever magnified feature annoys them. A TV/ Film actress who has done well in horror films had a breast reduction after seeing herself in her first film, Petra said.

     I'd run into Petra at the premiere screening. She hugged me in the lobby when we left the film for a moment. She asked me for a cigarette and told me she was pissed because she overheard her publisher say that "a monkey" could write the party column in her magazine and she didn't appreciate the judgement. The publisher adores her, so go figure... but I get it.

     Saw Ice Cube and introduced myself, having talked to his Cube Vision partner Matt Alvarez on the news desks at THR. I mentioned that I'd pitched myself to his company via headshot and resume back in 2000 when they announced his Black werewolf film, sort of like an urban "Lost Boys." He remembered the film concept and we shook hands. I told him the THR film beat is always happy to hear from him when they're announcing projects. He gets good placement and they're doing well.

      Also at the party: Hill Harper; a tall and healthy Magic Johnson. Michael Keaton was there and D.Dubb stopped to talk to him. Some scenes from Keaton's "My Life" were filmed at D.Dubb's job near LAX years ago. Garry Shandling and I got smushed together face-to-face leaving the theater. I met Joe Torry, one of my favorite comedians, and I gave him my card if he had any editorial news. He asked me, "You holding it down there [at THR]? Take good care of us!" We shook hands.

Back in the party, there was a group of tables together and roped off. The space around was crowded and I needed to wash my hands, so I walked around the perimeter of the rope and a big security guard brother put his arms out like an airport scan and said, "Mr. Lawrence is spending some time with his family for a moment. He's not doing any interviews at this time, please." I hadn't noticed but I said, "I'm trying to wash my hands. I'm not here to interview Martin Lawrence. I can't even think of what I'd ask." I smiled and he didn't make it an issue. He was doing his job but it wasn't me he needed to be worried about. Martin Lawrence's sister was there at the end of the table and said hello. She was visiting from Maryland. Martin is from Landover, Maryland and I'm from Temple Hills, two Maryland towns in the same county (P.G. County) so we got to have a nice conversation. She was very nice and I asked her if she was having a good time and she said she was.

There was a young comedian with a young director outside when I went out for a break. They were with two of their friends who also are trying to get in the industry. They were overwhelmed by the after-party's guest list and the money represented. They asked me for advice. At first the director said something to the effect that I'm part of the establishment so it's easy for me because I'm already in. I called bullshit on that and explained that just two years ago I was just 4 blocks up the street at UCLA working for the C.R.E.S.S.T. research dept. tracing writing exams.

"How do you hold on?" the director asked me. I told him, "Never take yourself out of the game." They are not too long out of film school and are still assuming that their pitches not coming to any fruition yet is a personal thing. I know how that feels, trying to pitch and get an interview for a gig. It feels personal when you're not hearing back but it's not always so. I told them that the average A-list contact in media is 57 years old. You have to keep that in mind, the sum of years it takes to be where you can change someone's life/tax bracket with the stroke of a pen.

These guys I was talking to are all in their early to mid-20s, eating craft services and frustrated they aren't where they think they should be. I've been in Los Angeles for 7 years and 5 of them were spent navigating non-stop to the next step and I had years of experience before where I was working and doing the same thing. I had the film grad entourage captivated with my freestyle but it's because I know how they feel. A lot of these guys start off together and think it's all going to pop off and they'll be able to stay together in a working unit and it doesn't always turn out that way. Individual ambitions vary. I've lost friendships over the years where we diverged or people aren't happy for you the way you were for them.

If these new guys want it, they'll persist. I know my professional life took a quantum leap. I am helpful to people in the business because I remember staying in the game by the skin of my teeth when things were much harder and interviews scarcer. It cost me thousands of dollars. I told the guys good luck and said, "Ten years from now we'll run into each other again somewhere and we'll laugh at this."

My L.A. Journals: 2003- Post 2

2011-08-31T22:57:00.000-07:00

January 7, 2003

       Me and my co-partner on the news desks are in raise evaluations. We've saved editorial over $15,000 by foregoing temps and doing the work alone. I was able to negotiate a double percentage for my partner in the space of 5 minutes with our editor. My talks are in March. I don't anticipate my editor or publisher f'ing me over.

      Watched a documentary report on Andrea Yates. She had claw marks on her thighs from trying to restrain her self and her hands from following the evil voices she said she heard.

      Had a nightmare last night that one of my old acting friends who went insane came into my apartment while I was talking to a reporter about something. My insane former friend came in with his girlfriend and they were moving in an old mattress I threw away years ago. They were trying to furnish their space with all my old furniture. I thought of how ironic it was that they were living on my trash. They moved the stuff in and then left the apartment like two crackheads against the world. Woke up and analyzed it that co-dependent lunacy always works for a couple as long as everything is someone else's fault.

     I'm starting a fitness and vitamin regime to counter my work schedule. There's a closet hedonist in me but I'm really a moderate. Life is too provocative to not have those sides. My attitude is that as I make improvements, everything else with follow. It's not an age issue. I'm 33 and I just got carded at the grocery store last month. I want to be able to appreciate and craft the Ultimate Me. I'm not someone who ever had a peak period, like 'Man, when I was 24.....'
.....When I was 24, I probably ate and drank more and was probably more body-conscious. I was an actor going into my second year without a job and all of my auditions were for adult comedies (Vampire Lesbians of Sodom; Schoolhouse Rock Live!; Valley of the Dolls) and more serious stuff (The Revenger's Tragedy; What Cops Know). Now my acting career is a cocoon and I'm helping manage a newsroom. I don't thrive on chaos so breakneck speeds also bring a new time to enjoy.

My L.A. Journals: 2003 - Post 1

2011-08-27T01:11:00.000-07:00

January 1, 2003

     New Year's Day: a blessed one off work. Bebbles and I had the Duval-Leroy champagne last night that Chuck Fries gave me for Christmas. .

     A lot to be thankful for. I have God, Bebbles, family. friends....respect in the workplace. I have the desire to go to even greater levels in this industry. I have the desire to be happy. Things have happened so fast that there's been no time to make sense of everything. Work is fine even though the accounting never stops and people can be hard-headed.

    Catching up on some trades I haven't read from last fall. Kimberly Peirce is on page 1 of a November Variety. i still remember last year when we had our conversation at the THR Next Gen party about actors still sending headshots for consideration. She couldn't get a grasp on that. Kimberly laughed and I asked, "Did I make a funny?" She had fun with that and said, "I'm sorry about your headshot." I told her, "Don't be- I've got a job now." I did congratulate her on Boys Don't Cry and mentioned that the baby looked traumatized when Lecy Goranson's character gets shot in the head. She had fun with the quick chatter. It gave stories of her work style some power. That's my Kimberly Peirce story.

January 3, 2003: A lot of high-pressure deadlines and projects going on in the newsroom. It would be a lot easier if I'd been trained on any of the archived financials before I was promoted but I wasn't and so I rely on executive editor Peter Pryor for help and we've found procedures in the folders. The result is that I end up getting a lot of these jobs done without really knowing how I did it exactly. I have genuinely befriended the accountants and I go to their terrace office and learn. They're shocked to see someone from editorial in there but it's been great experience.

Watched a lot of TV documentaries. I watched one on The Love Boat because I had to hear about Julie McCoy's breakdown again. Poor Lauren Tewes! I won't rehash my disappointment with the trashing of success but I really feel for her losing her husband. That has got to be the depth of human misery, especially after a long illness.

      There was one on Charlie's Angels. Farrah looked bizarre but that's just her these days. I don't know what happened from the time she left Ryan to now. She looks better than she has but she seems a shadow of herself compared to the other 3 actresses. Shelly Hack seemed to have the worst time of all the Angels. Me? I just want to keep my ass in the house today.

     THR is going fine. I think my deal is that while I love the Industry and have worked really hard over the years to get here, there's a part of me that still can't believe I'm here. The Reporter is such a tradition and such trade publishing royalty. I feel a lot of pressure too because working here is like working on the set of a show. In this scenario, my character is the one that's supposed to run everything and handle all matter of work except instead of a script it's filtering news and managing an editorial office. Instead of an episode, we produce a daily magazine. Every issue has its fair share of behind-the-scenes stuff and long hours but our efforts produce a strong result. The work is amazing but the drawback is the same one a lot of people have in media/Hollywood which is you're always aware of not being able to really enjoy it because you're so busy doing it. The industry constantly changes so fast. It's a great education.

     I was thinking of how when I used to work in medical records in Chicago. I started going in to work on weekends and reading charts until I had a strong grasp of the medical terminology. I would have to go to the ER so many times a day and deliver charts in triage and I'd know what the doctors were saying. The doctors didn't need me to understand anything, they just wanted the charts but I knew the additional gravity of each patient's situation. Now, years later, 'ER' repeats don't make as much sense to me as they used to with the triage-banter and the camera cuts. I guess you just forget what you don't need to know anymore- which is kind of hot.

     I remembered this time in the hospital cafeteria when a lady had a heart attack there. There was no time for a stretcher so a doctor took one of the butter knives and opened her chest right there on the cafeteria floor and massaged her heart all the way to the ER. I also remember seeing a heart attack victim in the trauma room, a woman. She'd had a heart attack at work operating the fax machine and died instantly. Her hair was still curled and her make up was still on. She looked like she was sleeping but it was her expression when she died...with a smile on her face. I remember how serene she looked. I thought that would be a blessing to her family when they had to come to identify her.

January 6, 2003: Taking a personal day tomorrow. Working on deadline this afternoon and got sweated for a glue stick. I have one but couldn't take my eyes off of the computer to get it so I said I didn't have one. I didn't care about a glue stick! Some of the editors were talking about sports in the editorial meeting. For the box-office round up they're going to order up another Spiderman cover. It's like an obsession. It looks good as a cover subject but there were other films besides Spiderman. This is where the publishing industry can be a yawn- it's all so subjective, what gets chosen. I don't think every time one looks at a season wrap-up in the Reporter it always has to be Spidey. I know a lot of us are from the East Coast and like the comic series, but enough already.

Got asked today at work by someone if their $3300 expense check had been reimbursed by corporate in New York. I said it had been deposited on December 26th. I asked, "Have you checked your bank balance since Christmas?" He said, "No." I actually laughed in amazement and he looked sheepish. Can you imagine? Not having to check your bank account to see if you'd gotten back almost $3400 in cash? Later he told someone, "My back still hurts. I can't even put on my socks." Money doesn't buy everything, I guess. Meanwhile, the second half of my raise doesn't kick in until spring, since New York staggered the raise into two payouts. One of my assistants told me today that it's ironic that once my full salary kicks in, awards season will be over and I'll have worked the hardest phase of the season at half the price. Ha! I'm hoping it pays off.

Links Ahoy! Monday, July 18, 2011

2011-07-18T11:31:00.000-07:00

1) Shocks in the continuing News of the World investigation including the death of journalist Sean Hoare, via Variety and the post-arrest release of Rebekah Brooks from jail via The Hollywood Reporter.

Links Ahoy! Thursday, July 14, 2011

2011-07-14T11:27:00.000-07:00

1) Time magazine's latest cover is of Rupert Murdoch and a cover article called "Tabloid Bites Man" by Catherine Mayer. Poynter also links to the article. The Guardian UK has exhaustive daily live coverage of the snowballing reach and effect of an editorial mess that gets more intense with each day, if not hour. Unimaginable and incomprehensible to both the public and editorial professionals all over the world, this bears watching. C-Span also has streaming video of the hearings thus far in the House of Commons.

2) Huffington Post has a bit about Piers Morgan banning performance artist Ann Coulter from his show, where she joins Madonna in the ranks of People Piers Is Just Not Having. I'm disappointed - Piers' last sit down with Ann was pupils-dilating viewing as it became quickly clear to Coulter that this was not Larry King's half-amused hour with her.

In that interview with Piers, he gave as good as she tried to deflect while explaining her book/monologue/choreo-poem on liberal demonology or whatever confect she was publicizing. Some people have real problems. Heat, meet kitchen.

3) Broadway World has the synopses of the last five episodes of Oprah Winfrey's "Season 25: Behind the Scenes" airing Sundays on OWN from July 17 to August 14.

Links Ahoy! Wednesday, June 7, 2011 Edition

2011-06-08T13:08:00.000-07:00

1) Xcerion, the Sweden-based cloud computing service, also known as CloudMe.com, is offering 3GB free of cloud storage (beta)--it's eco-friendly and this is the same company that just sold the iCloud domain to Apple for $4.5 million for the iCloud music service. Here's the signup link

Note. The cloud/night sky image ("Our Galactic Neighborhood") used for the above post is courtesy of lrargerich on Flickr and Fotopedia. Treat yourself to some of their amazing photography at http://bit.ly/iq0QXY or here!

2) Performics released the results of their study re:social media and its impact. Per the SFGate headline, almost 60% say LinkedIn is the most pertinent social network account to have.
I know a lot of people, including savvy media peers, who have misgivings or confusion about LinkedIn and what function it can truly serve in their everyday working life. My two cents is: the IPO share price is no joke, LinkedIn is increasingly used as a recruiting/headhunting tool and I think you owe it to yourself, professionally, if you'd like to be searchable or be able to communicate with colleagues, past and present.

The first step for LinkedIn-phobes: create your resume and profile on the site so that you have a foundation and a point-of-reference as you reach out to connections. Were you friends, colleagues, etc.? From there, reach out and be reached out to and own your hard work. The twitter sync, blog links, etc. can come later as you explore it for yourself, but in this fragmented employment market, you owe it to yourself to do the basics for now.

Oh, and note to people seeking work who are still identifying their current position with past positions--you know who you are!--why are you doing this? If you don't work at, say, Paramount anymore, then why say you are and make it harder to be approached by a hiring manager or company researching you?

Trust me, I understand the fear of not being associated with a brand, speaking as a media professional who spent my own touch in search when The Hollywood Reporter was in the dregs and before its new resurgence. I know it's tempting to make yourself seem branded, but damn it, if you've worked your ass off in your job and you're seeking a new branded outlet, then step out on faith, call yourself 'freelance' 'independent contractor' or whatever you're currently doing while you're looking. It will pay off and it will be the truth instead of it looking like you're too insecure to let go or that disinterested in keeping your profile current.

I'm talking from experience here (in that it feels like a hassle to update your profile when you're looking for work). Considering that the average HR manager does an 11 page Google/Web search on your name during the hiring/research process, your LinkedIn page will show up most likely if you want it to. Keep it current. You earned your props. Claim them.

3) Need an Oprah fix and another masterclass? The National Cable & Telecommunications Association announced yesterday that Oprah Winfrey will be at The Cable Show 2011 on June 16, 2011, interviewing with Paula Zahn about OWN and the process of growing the network through content and "new voices." It's at 9:00 a.m. (CDT) and can be streamed here

Thanks for reading and continued success out there! - Karl

Links Ahoy! Tuesday, April 5, 2011

2011-04-05T14:12:00.000-07:00

1) Almena Lomax, the founder of the Los Angeles Tribune and a pioneering African-American journalist has passed away at 95 years old. The AP has a great report on her life and if you're not familiar with her accomplishments, it's a great read. I absolutely respect her work and what she faced. In a lot of ways, the struggles she faced have not changed in the editorial/journalism space. God bless her and her tenacity. My sincerest condolences and respects to the Lomax family. 2) A lot of people dogged Larry King in later years for "Larry King Live" and I never really understood the potshots at the guy. The "softball" interviews were awesome to me because he had some of the best 'gets' in the business and what his guests didn't say was many times more revealing and he knew it. A Liza Minnelli cackling and saying she loved Everyone! and how fabulous! they were told you a lot more about her armor and survival than if she'd rattled off ex-husbands. Seeing the guyliner-ed, Gollum-ish countenance of Elliot Spitzer and the fresh-snow- blush of Piers Morgan on CNN v2.1 makes me miss Larry all the more, but you know, everybody has to work their gig. If you miss Larry too, watch or DVR The Tavis Smiley Show this Thursday & Friday as Larry interviews Tavis for two nights. I like Larry and have ever since 1994 when he stepped on my shoe in a green room at the United Center in Chicago. If I ever got to talk news with him I'd be out of this world. I respect witnesses of industry bygones, history and professional survival. 3) Because you can never have enough citation references for sourcing your research and writing work, I like these Modern Language Association style examples via the Honolulu Community College Library (HCC).

Hello Again & Back

2011-03-26T10:34:00.001-07:00

Hello again and good to be writing afresh from blog-land. My last post was about 7 weeks ago - which is a longer break than I ever intended yet one of the things about blogs, as we all know, is that when you take a hiatus, your readers know it. Looking at the analytics you can tell that your audience of readers are aware of the mini-hiatus and so I thank everyone who has checked in or caught up on other posts.

To the first-time individuals who've landed here on different keywords for a few seconds and bolted (smile) all I can say is there's over 200 archived posts in this blog: feel free to look around, enter a search term orcheck out what you like! My blog, as always, is informed by my past and current work in media for years and not necessarily breaking news or SEO-loaded in any fashion. I don't trick anyone into coming here to read but I can tell you sincerely that for those who do visit this blog, I am appreciative and you always make a brother feel good he can be honest and as transparent as the forum/medium permits! Thank you, thank you, thank YOU! -

Thank you for reading and continued success to you! - Karl

Links Ahoy! Thursday, January 20, 2011

2011-01-20T10:04:00.000-08:00

1) Good morning, Los Angeles! KPCC has a nice little lump of coal for us, albeit a detailed, thorough report. Mayor Villaraigosa says at least the weather is a plus! One person's heaven can be another's hell, but I won't insult nature and God by denying the weather is California's gift right now.
*Just sayin': I've met Villaraigosa during past press events and will say that he has a knack for tailored suits. The secret? Tight-fitting around the thighs as opposed to a floaty fit. Makes you look virile and stuff. Not skinny suit legs or showing a d*c*-print, but a streamlined fit. I think we should try it next time!

2) The Wrap has a story about an outgoing NBC exec's rumored $200,000 personal bathroom. I have seen this sort of deluxe doghouse/executive bathroom field of dreams before and it n-e-v-e-r pans out, does it? The one I knew of, not 60 feet from my news desk, was not a six-figure model, but it did house a lot of.... hand-lotion. I don't know for what (actually, I do) but I will say that exec got pushed from a mile high.

I've said it many times, but when you're making six figures or more then the gig and your trajectory is your ride and what you do with it is your business until the wheels fall off. Still, it is tough out here and the industry is still hard-balling.Los Angeles County is full of former hot rods now on hard rollers having to navigate this stuff all over again, even though they had a great perch. Don't flush it away. You're fortunate. Don't want to pee next to the clerk? Get a key.

3) 'There is only one interpretation of losing $580' :Jemima Kiss nails the MySpace unraveling in this succinct Guardian post.

4) Nim Chimpsky, a chimpanzee born in 1973 and the subject of an extensive study of (sign) language acquisition has already been detailed in a book and is featured in the Sundance 2011 documentary Project Nim that HBO just bought. This Nim photo is cute as all hell, even though I know chimps probably don't like red turtlenecks, especially the ones in the 1970s--trust me, this 70s kid remembers those turtle neck braces! I gotta post this photo-- I love Nim! Nim died in 2000 at age 26. He re is his Wiki page.

Flop? The Triumph of Oprah Winfrey's Beloved

2011-01-13T12:33:00.001-08:00

It's very possible that this will never get six degrees within Oprah Winfrey's eyesight, but every time I hear of her personal disappointment about the box office of the 1998 release of "Beloved" I want to tell her how proud of the film she should be. I know, I know, but I have to say it again, especially after yesterday's quotes from her Piers Morgan interview airing January 17th on CNN.

"Beloved" is one of my favorite books from one of my favorite writers, Toni Morrison. The novel is a gothic, poetic, fever dream of a former slave, Sethe, who may or may not be housing the adult embodiment of the toddler daughter she murdered rather than release to her former slave owner. The 1987 book is a Pulitzer-prize winning classic and one that many felt could never be done justice by a film version.

I remember the publicity for the Oprah Winfrey-starring version, directed by Jonathan Demme and produced by Harpo Productions: the Vogue cover, the same-day Oprah Winfrey show devoted to the cast and launch of the movie that weekend (she called it "my baby."), and the making-of book Ms. Winfrey wrote called "Journey to Beloved."

The movie did not do well financially but it was a film, a passion project, that absolutely changed my attitude toward reconciliation and forgiveness in my own life, especially when contrasted with the horrors of slavery and the grace/pain-equity required for every individual touched by it to outlive it. It's hard to watch some of the brutality onscreen, re-enacted by brave actors such as Danny Glover, Kimberly Elise, Lisa Gay Hamilton, Beah Richards and Thandie Newton in the title role. Ms. Winfrey gives a vanity-free, stunning performance and it's a tremendous, difficult triumph (see my Amazon.com review of the film here). When I worked on 'The Practice' in 1999, I told Lisa Gay Hamilton on the Manhattan Studios set how amazing I thought her work was as the younger Sethe. Some films, to actors, are performance clinics and this film is one to watch and learn from. If you can watch Beah Richards' scene as Baby Suggs, late in the film, imploring the gathered to love themselves and not feel it in your DNA, then......

No amount of blog posts or articles can revise the initial box-office tally of "Beloved" but it is not a bad movie and it's certainly not an embarrassment. It's a raw slice of history, our history, that needs to exist and does exist for all who wish to see it or add the film to a list of films to catch up on. I am sorry that the failure of the movie pained her, but to dismiss the artistic and humane of such a labor of love a 'flop' just isn't true. That's all I'm sayin' and 12 years later I still give all props to the movie being made and made so well. I'll have some mac n' cheese to that collaborative spirit and effort of truth any day. So to Oprah, wherever you are: thank you.

20 Things: The Hollywood Edition

2010-12-12T23:08:00.001-08:00

1) My first writing job was as a copywriter for CNN public service announcements on the radio. I tailored the copy for each advertiser. I didn't get commi$$ions either, but my bosses did!

2) I don't understand the mistrust-of-youth vogue. I was a child in the 1970s where, depending on the situation, kids were the sanest ones in the room. Sometimes we mistrusted the adults. Don't hate, congratulate. It's never easy.

3) The O.J. trial did something to journalism that's never gotten back right. In college, we were taught to never editorialize lest we be fired. When newscasters started snickering and adding, "Must be nice!" when reporting on O.J. golfing in Florida, it was a bad start. This was before the verdict. Moral: Just tell the story.

4) Janice Dickinson was the first celebrity to be nice to me when I first got to L.A. She really is nicer than that.

5) I used to have Prince dreams. Nothing sexual, but he always understood me and dispensed advice to me in monotone riddles that empowered me. As Wendy Williams would say, "A friend in my head."

6) I once had credentials to meet Jane Fonda at the Academy of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences. I got to the front of the Academy and turned right around and went home. I didn't want to meet her and get faded. I love her work too much. I know, I know. There's always next time?

7) Photoshop is out of control. If you didn't look that young when I bought your album in 1980, then what is the point?

8) My first headshot, my hair was fried on the ends from a blend of crackling lights, summer Chicago humidity and hair spray. When I went to get my whole hair mass airbrushed in its entirety, the retoucher told me. "You want to look like your picture when you get there. Leave some flaws in." I listened.

9) It really is who you know sometimes. Not the douche-y way, it's just that people in entertainment don't have the time to get to know new people, so they rely on the reference of people who can vouch for you. Then you get to know them. Doesn't happen all the time but it sure happens enough.

10) I never understood or liked candy corn. It's the lima bean of the candy family.

11) I love Baby Boomers but I also want to shake a few of them. They were so fly. There was a bluntness and sexy style to them back in the days. Was it the '80s that made them flip? I'll get back to you on that one. It's baffling. Y'all used to be hot, wtf?

12) I worked two days on a CBS crime show in the very late 1990s. The lead actress of the show told the timid lesbian P.A. she was hungry and wanted a sandwich. The P.A. asked what she'd like on the bread and the actress pointed at a smorgasbord of craft services and said, "I want that, that, that-and-that!" She never said what 'that' was and the P.A. sweated bullets. Less than a month later the show was cancelled. The lead actress had to make her own lunch. Hmmmm....

13) Some - not all - of your icons will disappoint you when you meet them. Pick carefully!

14) Ernest Borgnine is still my favorite interview ever. He was nominated for an Emmy in his late 80s and during the interview he went off-topic and said, "Karl, you know sometimes you can work so hard and you come home and you feel all alone and by yourself. But it's the work that saves you and it's a lot better than busting rocks! It's the work that gets you through." I put the phone on hold long enough to cry silent tears. Wisdom I never forgot.

15) When you have love, real love, you can do anything. I had it and hope to have it again (props to Bebbles!).

16) What assistants get paid right now--and I'm not one now, but I was a decade ago---is really a shame. The threshold used to be $28k with room for advancement. Paying $22k a year now, even in a recession, or-worse-making a job that hard an 'internship' is really taking advantage. Yes, I said it. If you have ever been an assistant, you know better.

17) It used to be the media had the last word--but now with social media, there are options. That's kind of nice!

18) You can be nice and survive.

19) I love stage work. I will do another play. There's nothing like it.

20) People will surprise you. If you're in this business, hang on and don't give up. It's never the same power structure twice. Stay in the line and you will get to ride the ride.

Links Ahoy: December 2, 2010

2010-12-02T10:37:00.000-08:00

1) Vanity Fair explores just what's really going on with Randy & Evie Quaid.

2) I love the site of random conversation snippets Overheard Everywhere.

3) An interesting history of the major Hollywood studio logos from DVD World Report.

4) This money quote from the Army Times report on the overall mood of gays in the military: "We have a gay guy....He's big, he's mean, and he kills lots of bad guys."

5) An 8-part podcast of Stanley Kubrick's work and films, The Kubrick Series, begins December 5th, courtesy of Movie Geeks United!

I've Dreamed of You......

2010-11-07T15:25:00.000-08:00

The weekend is here, daylight savings time, and another hour was gained. Normally, it's somewhat depressing -the thought of dark night outside the window at work when it's not even 6 p.m., but I'm invigorated by the fall season. It's cooling off a little in L.A., the elections are over and the world is as huge and unlimited as it always has been.

I've been paying attention to a lot lately and thinking. I'm a comparison-contrast kind of thinker. Went for a walk in the neighborhood an hour ago, a clear fall day with downtown L.A. looking hi-def and the clouds threatening rain. It's amazing how you can take stock of your life within a square mile.

I passed the Hollywood Ford dealership down the street, remembering how me and my late spouse Bebbles went car shopping and bought all our Ford minivan detritus there. The rides to San Pedro and Long Beach we took in the beginning and how Bebbles drove with one hand and held my hand with the other. Sometimes I'd take my hand away in the middle of a favorite song or an idle moment. Bebs would joke, "I forgot you're ashamed to hold my hand in public."

We'd laugh and I'd say that wasn't true. I was never ashamed. One of our first major arguments, in another vehicle (Bebs' Dodge Daytona) happened after I refused a piece of jewelry-- Bebs bought it on pure impulse --and returned it on the spot in the store. Driving home on Los Feliz Blvd., our voices ricocheted off of the interior as Bebbles screamed that I didn't know how to let anyone give me anything and I screamed I wasn't a jewelry person. It's true. All of the jewelry I wear, my Mom bought me. She loves jewelry and has good taste she sends my way in that regard. I just missed that eye or desire for it, breaking generations of exquisite jewelry buying. It wasn't a rejection of Bebbles, but the platinum bracelet seemed too much at the time, dripping over like a coiled cobra. A friend I told the story to recently, on the subject of intimacy and one's past, said, "You should have just accepted it and said thanks."

It's 11 years later. The Ford dealership is a recession-casualty, vacant and dusty. Bebbles is with God. I would accept the bracelet now with the grace of maturity and a spirit of warmth. I thought of a lot of dreams I've had, live ones and dreamworld ones, and the gaps along the way. Not major gaps but those moments of the uphill pedal, investing everything to Make Something Happen. I'd always done it, but moving to Los Angeles and setting sights on a career in Hollywood 14 years ago ramped it up a million notches. I have no lasting complaints but I do so remember the goals and the jaw-clenched determination when months passed with no visible momentum. I remember the confusion of conflicting goals and directions of some peers, friends and family where they/ I / we couldn't find the words or stance to understand or close a chapter without bending the page.

I dreamed of a lot. I worked for them and tried to get them as independently and honestly as I could. I dreamed of Bebbles--a gregarious, laid back spirit in a van/SUV/big vehicle that could hold all of our mutual dreams and spur of the moment wanderings together. It came true. I found work in an industry that kept me in line for close to five years. I balanced: love was my life, Hollywood the career and it stopped at the front door (mostly!).

I lost Bebbles and a major, mutual dream was over in a moment. I remember the Truman Show-like aspect of the day Bebbles' heart stopped. The klieg and fill lights of the universe shut off with a sonic click and I was on a lawn, surrounded by good people, most of whom I didn't know who saw and tended to another human being in visible grief and shock.

Many dreams and goals followed: to continue my job and not disappoint people depending on me for the upcoming season; the goal of staying afloat and strong; the dream of being happy again and finding the trust that it wouldn't all go away...again. Loss can be overwhelming and yet dreams don't go away, they just transfer and flow into other things; sometimes to other dimensions we can't see. We have to trust.

We deserve to be happy and we deserve to live in trust, faith and anticipate dreams coming true and the expectant miracles. With time, I'm making peace with mine and starting to be excited for changing dreams for a changing, happier person. I know this is what a lot of us are doing in the midst of busy, uncertain and negative times. From traffic to the 7-Eleven, you can see people trippin' and tripping out on their own individual situation or situations that don't even involve them. We're under a lot of pressure: there's what people think you should do, what social media is telling us that everyone else is doing, explanations we feel we have to make, things we want and things that have to wait.

The world is huge. We blueprint the dreams and they come sometimes in other forms and ways not immediately visible to our eye. Delays are not denial, as one friend reminded me before I landed in an editorial position after close to two years. One year's hesitancy is the other year's intrepid leap. You will find the words and you will find the clarity in the right time. Don't rush your life or days. Dreams don't die: they just change.

I wish for everyone and myself that we pursue them, whether it's love, finances, faith, family and anything that speaks to our heart's greater expression. When it's truly meant for us, so many times, we know it right away and that's the amazing day that changes life yet again. I'm open to mine and it's a work in progress but I'm glad to be here and I'm thankful for many things. We all deserve those moments to honestly be able to say, 'I've dreamed of you.'

Jeff Zucker Was Never Dull

2010-09-25T16:03:00.000-07:00

In the magazine business – I won’t speak for newspapers – Fridays are a slow news day. No publicist with an 'exclusive' wants it buried or half-read by Those That Matter preoccupied with the weekend looming. This makes Fridays a great day for news that’s not so great for a person or brand since Friday is a low readership day, especially for a daily.

E-media and news alerts have altered that particular news cycle paradigm. Andy Warhol was in a more generous media universe when he proclaimed everyone’s “15 minutes of fame.” Now, it is more like 15 seconds: the blessing and curse of the immediate news age. Jeff Zucker’s resignation from NBCU as CEO, after a 24 year career there, was released on Friday and is far from buried or skimmed over news in the media universe.

The resignation of a major media figure like Mr. Zucker is a game-changer in many ways. 24 years at a company, in any industry- especially for a (younger) 44-year old man- is increasingly rare. Synonymous with NBC, his resignation upon Comcast’s eventual takeover was one of those ‘did I read that correctly?’ double takes. If you’d muted all of your electronics yesterday after reading about it, somewhere in the broadband wave of signals and white noise, you could've heard either cheers or lboos, depending on your perspective.

It’s an understatement to say that Jeff Zucker is one of the more polarizing television network heads of the 21st Century. I am not here to bash him. In fact, I know I’m probably in the minority (ba-dum-bump) of commentary concerning Zucker -and I’m speaking from logic and personal experience -when I say that at least Jeff Zucker wasn’t boring. How many bosses play themselves on a fever dream show like Fat Actress or liven up a news day like the kid dropped off at daycare that takes the tricycle and plows into bowling pins right off the bat.

For better or worse, Jeff Zucker had a persona that you knew before he said a word. The times I spoke with him at the trades added some punch to the day because there would be no dull end-result. He loved the business and I loved my business too – a nice relatable quality to share at 9:30 in the morning with anybody. Granted, I wasn’t on the receiving end of any harshitude[sic] but it was energizing to deal with him.

Much of the vitriol concerning Jeff Zucker in the entertainment industry comes from the fact that he’s such an amalgam and figurehead for so many bosses, liked or not, who are in power. There’s a reason so many entertainment industry job openings are going behind paywalls and subscription services now: it’s a business that, despite its constant corporate makeovers, is propelled by emotions both steely and passionate. Perception is nine-tenths of the law. Tirades that would warrant speedy employee write-ups in, say, the insurance business are standard issue in the minute by minute course of a regular day in media. All of the potential ego-hazards of any executive primacy in the executive summits are magnified in media, especially when you are clearly paid by your outlet to be a tastemaker courting millions of viewers and employing thousands.

Zucker’s resignation e-mail displayed all of the folksy coloratura of a person reflecting on a career encompassing most of his major personal and professional milestones. His writing has the throat-clearing style of someone knowing this ‘memo’ is certainly not limited to NBCU/GE e-mail accounts. There’s the admitted honesty of loving the company and his job, as well as the standard paternal reminder that Comcast will do fine and deserves the chance to implement their vision – the equivalent of buttoning a child’s coat on a winter day and saying listen to your new teacher. Of course, it’s ultimately superfluous- Comcast is going to implement their vision and their people, regardless of any notions of 'deserving.' Comcast has paid the cost to be the boss. It's not up for vote.

I have worked in some aspect of the entertainment business since I was 15 years old. I recently turned 41 years old. I started as acting talent and for my generation much of the perceived openness of the industry was dissipated by the time I started. The ‘70s were waaay over and it’s a testament to the sexy casualness of that era in entertainment that people still thought it was that way: come to L.A.or New York, find a like-minded executive or investor with creative signatory powers and watch the magic begin! That there were even less opportunities then – three major networks, limited cable line-ups and original programming, and we won’t even talk about minority hiring—is less obvious than that era of Hollywood reflecting American zeitgeist more than any other escapist, glamour/Studio System era before it.

One thing that doesn't change and hasn't is the need for in-house benefactors and corporate belief in your talent. Even now, get famous on You Tube, viral video, Facebook, reality TV or any other non-traditional medium, and you will still have a corporate pen signing off on the zeros on your check.

Jeff Zucker is one of those people and stories: rising through the ranks at NBC and being named president of entertainment there in 2000. I have worked for many people in the industry and my experience with Zucker in the beginning was limited to his work on the Today show and his well-known synergy/working kinship with Katie Couric. After 2000, I quickly saw the apoplectic fits Zucker could elicit in people covering the NBC and TV beat, innocent or not.

I’m not talking out of school when I say that some entertainment company presidents, from the majors to the fringe, are not without some ego, especially when it comes to journalists. I’ve heard executives call in screaming that the fonts of their ratings wins were too small even when the headlines took up 25% of a news page (hence the newsroom crack: “Buy an ad then.”). A critic not liking a show cam lead to a week of nanny-nanny-boo-boo juvenilia more appropriate for a neighborhood bike club of feuding 4th-graders. Relationships change and as with any news, especially when it’s facts, many people don’t like the bearers of such news, especially when career and income are on the line (perception, again).

The nine months I was an editorial assistant from 2001-02, I have witnessed press rooms where reporters came back infuriated with tales of “Jeffy” dressing them down at meet and greets or infusing interviews with off-the-record snark based on previous criticisms or perceived barbs. Zucker, to a lot of the reporting corps, was like the quintessential Taurus sign: never forgetting a perceived slight , not foregoing the chance to show who was boss or recalling word -for- word the reporting of NBC missteps. If this is just the ire experienced by legitimate writers reporting on ratings, metrics and true data then one can only imagine the experiences of the rest of the industry.

A lot of these tussles were forgotten in short time spans- this is is a business where people sue each other and still work side by side between court dates. Zucker was a part of the firmament, someone you had to contend with and who didn't always have the most subtle poker face for the game. And let’s face it, some of the people in the industry that he made red-faced and furious were people who weren’t above doing the same to their subordinates: one person’s unfair slight is another’s karmic payback.

I once was in the office of a person with the same amount of time invested in the business as Zucker complaining of a public zinging. After listening to the venting, I offered that maybe there were other factors at play here: maybe a height difference or something stupid and bromance-ish, since this was an ongoing rivalry. It was a somewhat facetious defense but I was trying to infuse some humor in what really wasn’t a big deal in the global scheme of things. I mentioned that Jeff Zucker survived two cancer occurrences, surely that speaks to some strength. It was the wrong thing to say, apparently, because the response I heard caused me to back out of the office lest the lightning bolt hit us both. I’d never repeat it but suffice it to say that I think even Joe Eszterhas would say, 'Whoa!'

In the comparison-contrast world of media and corporate culture, these things are inevitable. Jeff Zucker wasn’t from the mold of traditional television power-hitters that were much beloved or appreciated in hindsight like Brandon Tartikoff, Mike Eisner, Fred Silverman or Barry Diller. NBC’s primetime schedule, with it's legacy, headed by a man who made his name in morning show news, was going to have its share of barkers, especially when the schedule began to show glaring weaknesses.

The Biggest Loser is a show people love and rightly could care less about as far as the programming politics therein. Traditional power in Hollywood, however, will certainly snicker when a reality show is the biggest linchpin hit of a network that was once prided on scripted content. There was the Conan-Jay debacle (leaving those involved richer, if not wounded) and other discussed misfires: the truncating of pilot season as the industry knew it; the press tour through the NBCU store; Leno as a prime time bookmark five days a week; product placement overkill, and a wary press team.

Yesterday’s resignation announcement will have effects for months to come. There will be those who lament the change of leadership and those who are relieved. As with any media chief with the ability to change livesand tax brackets with the stroke of a pen, there are those who will miss him and were helped in their career path and those who were written off or unemployed by the same pen. If you spend any amount of time in this industry—where opportunities seems to expand and restrict simultaneously—either or both can happen to you. I was laid off in a fourth-round layoff by a new parent company and not for cause, just because of the economics of a brand in flux. It happens. I believe anyone who stays in this business understands that this comes with the territory and opportunity comes again, in time.

Jeff Zucker’s opportunity will come again and he’s in a position to take his time and be choosy. While his resignation will spur all sorts of conversation about business models, cautionary tales, lessons (or not) of ego, cause-and-effect, etc., what is also true is that it is an end of a certain era. An era that we got to witness, marvel and be baffled by at times. The era of the 24-year career at a company is less likely in the New Economy and media models emerging in current entertainment.

Jeff Zucker never did anything to me. I got to appreciate his strategy and game play from a distance and yet close enough to take my own lessons from what you can utilize and what you can do without. I have been in the business a long time, not as long as my role models and those I admire still working, but long enough to know that for each person who gets to The Top it is their ride while it lasts. Each person who finds themselves at a peak has the freedom to play it however long it lasts, their own way. 24 years isn’t shabby. That’s the gamble and that’s the payoff. I think the NBC version of Jeff Zucker will be considered more of a gulty pleasure than can currently be appreciated. He did his thing, like it or lump it. Mass entertainment is an ever- evolving industry and it’s anyone’s game. You’re welcome to play. Get ready.

L.A. 2002: Journals-Post #36: L.A. Story: Denise, Rex, & * East Coast Guy*

2010-09-24T12:53:00.000-07:00

December 27, 2002 : Herb Ritts died. Just got the news here in the newsroom about 3 p.m., PST. He died of pneumonia. He did a lot of glamour photography – Madonna sessions and more. He was only 50. A lot of news still coming in, in general. I worked until 4 p.m. on Christmas Eve and until 7 p.m. yesterday.

Got a news call today from a distraught woman, *Denise*, who wanted to tell her story and wasn’t swayed when I told her that The Hollywood Reporter doesn’t run the celeb tell-all genre stories. There are plenty of outlets that would take her story yet she still wanted to talk to me on background.

Denise said she’d filed an assault lawsuit in the late '90s against a famous 1970s film actor turned famous 1980s television actor named *Rex*. The actor has a documented history of domestic violence against his girlfriends. He’s been sued and been accused of everything from slaps to punching them while they’re pregnant. Her lawsuit just passed off this year in the thousands.

Denise says she’s 40 years old now and filed her suit in the mid-1990s. She was the subject of a national magazine article that profiled women who strictly date celebrities. Denise said she didn’t like the title of that profile article but that she was happy with her portrayal. She told me she’s dated famous rock stars and named an actor who has been famous since childhood whose wife would be very surprised—or not, depending—if she knew he was cheating on her.

Denise said that *Rex* turned out to be “an alcoholic devil.” His movies he’s done number in the early 100s and she said, “Don’t ask me how he got all those jobs. The only good acting he ever did was in the courtroom. Rex tries to act like he’s broke but he’s not. He has a decade-long suspension on his driver’s license and still has over six cars.”

Denise said that After healing from her beatings and miscarriage, she had to move in with her Mom and became broke. By last year she’d met an East Coast civic service worker and they fell in love. (“My first non-famous boyfriend.”) Denise and the East Coast guy moved back to L.A. because her new boyfriend “wanted to try to get some acting jobs and I knew some people.”

The trouble started for Denise when she was at one of the shopping plazas in Malibu where she has a P.O. box. She was with the East Coast boyfriend and saw a long term actor couple who’ve lived in the Colony for decades. Denise said the couple know Rex and asked about him, which freaked her out. She said the male half of the couple is “just awful. He’s a troublemaker. His wife looks 200 years old with heartache and looked completely miserable. She’s as old as Methuselah!”

Later, Denise and East Coast boyfriend are in Hollywood and run into Rex. Rex beat up the East Coast boyfriend and “there was blood all over the STREETS!” East Coast boyfriend then left her weeks ago, leaving her liable with all of their jointly purchased items that they still owe money on. “I loved my boyfriend and I just know Rex had something to do with it. This was the first time I was in love and he’s gone. I don’t know where he is.” She paused to collect herself when the sob burst out and she said, “I’ve never had a happy or decent day in my life since I met Rex.” Her cries were audible with regret.

I asked her if she’d filed a missing persons report. She said no but that she was going to have to so that she’s not liable for their cars they still owe six figures on. I asked her if they’d filed a police report regarding the Hollywood fight. She said no but that the venue they were at had, which isn’t the same. Finally, Denise said, “Please help me. I don’t want to be The Tabloid Girl again and I know you can help.” She is reluctant to call the police because her Dad has some trouble with the Feds and she doesn’t want him getting caught up in her drama.

I can’t help her, of course, but she gave me her phone number. She’s all but saying that Rex had something to do with her man’s disappearance but I was wondering to myself if East Coast Boyfriend didn’t just take a good look at all the L.A./Malibu crazies they knew and just went back East without her. It would be callous and cruel but not the first time, not in L.A.

L.A. 2002: Journals - Post # 35: Harvey Weinstein, Gangs of New York premiere and Christmas Day '02

2010-09-22T13:04:00.000-07:00

December 17, 2002: ...Back from vacation. I’m attending the Gangs of New York premiere tonight at the Directors Guild of America on Sunset. Miramax gave me the invite after a Screening Guide error they were furious about that turned out to have come directly from their copy. It’s my first premiere and should be interesting. Met with two editors regarding Golden Globe announcements this week. Nominations are on the 19th, in two days.

Today was my annual review in my new position. E.B., my editor manager wrote some great things about me. In the editor’s summary he wrote: "Karl is maybe the best at this position in my years at the paper. He’s very easy to work with...a professional disposition. A great hire.”

My review amazed me because E.B. and I are cool but we don’t hang out. I’m not in his office during the occasional downtime talking about sports. I’m focused on my job and I’m glad he noticed. We discussed the review, shook hands and thanked each other.

December 25, 2002: Christmas Day. Bebbles and I stayed home today and it has been very mellow. Last night we had over another couple, friends of ours, for a soul-food style stroganoff dinner. Everyone had seconds and relaxed. Today I caught up on some reading. It’s back to work tomorrow and an Oscar Screening Guide to finish.

So far, working for a daily is good. The deadlines are intense; there's a lot to do, a lot of finance paperwork and a lot of responsibility. I’m the only minority male in editorial and that can be depressing sometimes. Still, I enjoy my work and miss it when I’m on vacation. It’s a job that controls you- any unforeseen priority project can throw your entire day off- but it is exciting.

I went to the Gangs of New York premiere and was asked to cover it for the ‘About Town’ section of the magazine. I got a great Peter Bogdanovich quote that Martin Scorcese cited. The editor I worked with titled my coverage West Coast Gangs and it was a good experience working with Features on it. The premiere was to benifit film conservation.

Gangs of New York figured its way into my dreams that night since the movie was about people being knifed for 2 hours and 45 minutes. It was a depressing film but I did meet Martin Scorcese and shake his hand. Martin was being orbited like the sun by a circle of at least 10-12 people at all times. I didn’t fawn but wanted to introduce myself since I was a guest of Miramax’s – I didn’t get asked to cover it until I was on my way out of the bureau.

I didn’t fawn but I did have the thought that this smaller, admittedly neuroses-driven man was a part of East Coast 70s chic, not to mention the incredible films he’s made, and how I could never get an interview for any of his projects when I was acting and had an agent. [side note: I didn’t renew my agency contract this year for 2002 or 2003 where I was represented for full-service work. I want to focus on my journalism career and not have the slightest inkling of conflict of interest.] It was good to meet Scorcese even if he did look scared when it was my turn to extend my hand and talk to him.

Harvey Weinstein and I ended up at the same ashtray outside on a freezing smoke break. I wrestled with whether I should introduce myself. He doesn’t like The Hollywood Reporter at all and that’s an understatement. Harvey's dislike has to do with something that happened before my employ there but it’s a grudge that’s stayed with the paper and Variety gets all of the Miramax/Dimension exclusives as a result. I’ve been working on Miramax schedules for the Screening Guide, as are all of the trades, plus his people invited me after the Screening Guide dust-up. He is from the East Coast and so am I. I could completely see Harvey Weinstein like owning and managing a Murray’s Steaks house back East. I grew up with that.

I introduced myself to him and his wife and said I was from the Hollywood Reporter. I thanked him for the invite and he shook my hand and said, “Thank you, Karl.” My impression of him is more East Coast manager-type, perhaps a more vulgar Lou Grant when he's on and working. He strikes me as someone you would know you were for working for at all times. I overheard his directives to several people with him and he was calm when asking for a task to be completed “in two hours.”

His voice has the measured tone of a police chief’s. His historic temperament might not play well on a daily basis if he were based in L.A., but he’s perfect in his King-of-New-York-Film-Mogul role and he makes smart movies. L.A. loves him as a visitor and I give him props for being the only film head to truly embody the instant throwback presence of those studio bosses of old: the Cohns, Mayers, etc. It’s really too bad he doesn’t get along with the magazine because I thought he was a cool guy.

The party for the film was held at the Directors Guild building. Quincy Jones was there, a soft, shorter teddy bear. I was raised on his music and love his talent/ endurance for decades in every medium. Martin Landau is as polite as can be when being adulated for Space:1999 by fans. Jennifer Tilly is a hot fox and in great shape. I love her acting and didn’t introduce myself, my only regret.

Karen Kramer, the late director Stanley (Guess Who's Coming to Dinner) Kramer’s wife, was at the after-party also. I helped her with a ‘Letter to the Editor’ she wrote for THR where she responded to a critic’s misguided political aspersions toward Stanley. I noticed her right away in her smart black angora hat and blue suit and she gave me the sincerest and longest hug. She thanked me for helping her with the letter and said she’d had a great response since we ran her letter. Karen Kramer has a library to preserve her husband’s work and is active and old-school. She’s doing well and could never be dismissed as a Beverly Hills widow. She introduced me to her daughter, Kat.

Leonardo DiCaprio was in attendance and is about 6’2 and more physically solid than film shows him to be. He did good work. Daniel Day Lewis stole the movie and is a celluloid star. Gary Busey was there with fidgety physicality and a look of perpetual bafflement, but he’s no dummy.

All in all, some tony coverage and a good experience. I’m glad to be off for the day. Bebbles and I are home and our new van and place were our gifts to ourselves. This is our personal Hollywood and we're together and that's my happy reality.

Bookmarks Ahoy! 10/10/10

2010-09-09T16:53:00.000-07:00

From time to time I like to go through the hundreds of bookmarks I have and share 'em here on the blog. I don't have any affiliation or deals, they're just sites I use and want to share for fun or handy use. Here's some for Sunday, 10/10/10.

1) Deepest condolences to the family, friends and fans of Mr. Solomon Burke. His website has a message from his family and there have been many creative, heartfelt tributes online including this from Funky 16 Corners and a perfomance clip on the A Fifty Cent Lighter & Whiskey Buzz blog.

2) Music mash-up lovers, you will love The Reborn Identity site. A roster of DJs, contributors, and mashup-site links to fall down the musical rabbit hole to.

3) Ever wonder what some of your TV and film favorites growing up look like now? Check out the Scrapbook section of the Collecting Hollywood site to see.

4) My bookshelves are my wish lists these days-in addition to my Amazon wish list- I'd read them all right now if I could. I haven't gone Kindle yet, but my ipod is never far from my sight so I'm always intrigued by Amazon's Audible.com for digital downloads of audiobooks, podcasts, magazines and more.

5) Check out Sofie's SSSSound! blog. Music selections to elevate yer mind and excellent photo art with each post. You'll ddddig it!

6) Because you can never have enough search engines, there's also Hakia for search.

7) Diana Ross has a Facebook page. Lots of archival clips. Plus, she's just fly like that.

8) PC World's website and search engine is always helpful from basics to stuff you need more info on.

9) Same goes for CNET's website.

10) I love tutorials. This is a spiffy, easy one I used when had to learn how to use a flash drive.