Home and Away Ireland

Sexy central

Ailsa — Mon, 26 Jul 2010 19:34:58 +0000

Please play this music while reading this post:

So, Doctor Sid is really back in da house. He valiantly tried and failed to save the life of a young mother, and all of a sudden the nurses love him. One even slinked up to his house and basically offered herself to him on a plate. Oh Doctor!

There’s a new moron in town. French girl’s sister rocked up to Summer Bay on a scooter, in a ballgown. She paused briefly somewhere to remove her helmet, shake out her long blonde hair, and put her helmet on again. Sexy.

She flew directly to the Bay from Milan, bringing only her scooter as hand luggage. Some dastardly Italian had cheated on her, so she ran from their engagement party straight back to Oz. Good call. Liam’s already interested. I hope she looks as well in jeans and a tshirt.

Essential objects of cultural significance: Home and Away

Ailsa — Fri, 23 Jul 2010 08:14:14 +0000

Intrepid reader Saul sent me this. Isn’t it amazing?
I think my favourite item is the stoned crow.

Who was Rory?

From http://turbomonthly.blogspot.com/

Prisoner Cell Block Summer Bay

Ailsa — Tue, 20 Jul 2010 19:13:01 +0000

Ah here, Colleen behind bars? I don’t think I can take it. It’s like the saddest bits of Prisoner Cell Block H. He used to give me roses…

And as for Xavier and his moping about John Palmer moving in, EFF OFF!

A creepy wooden demon who doesn’t deserve to see the light of day

Ailsa — Mon, 19 Jul 2010 19:46:01 +0000

Home and Away is returning into Chuckie Down Under. Mr. Oddley rose from the grave that Alf dug for him in the caravan park. Miles thinks someone is “having a lend of” him. That is one of my favourite phrases ever.

“Bon voyage you little mongrel” said Alf as he threw Mr. Oddley into Summer Bay’s deep waters. But the doll submerged through the magic of the washing machine, where Alf found him spinning.

Dr. Sid and Tony are best buds now because Sid stuck up for girl’s boxing in front of Rachel. Sid better watch out, she’s an annoying enemy to make.

Penn is robbing stuff from the caravan park and roundabouts and framing Colleen. What does he have against her?

Mr Oddley

Ailsa — Thu, 15 Jul 2010 18:44:40 +0000

What a mad episode. Marilyn introduced her ventriloquist’s dummy, Mr. Oddley, to Alf, who had a flashback to when he was five and a puppet scared the bejaysus out of him. Young Alf said “strike me roan” and ran into the arms of his father, who happened to be the mirror image of current Alf. Also, Morag was a little ginger girl who was dressed as a witch – very subtle, Home and Away scriptwriters!

Angelo took a settlement outside of court and as a consequence, he’ll never work as a cop again. He’ll just be Mr. Risotto from now on. Serves him right anyway, for letting a known criminal escape. To mark the occasion, he got locked, lit a bonfire on the beach, and burned his uniform. He also burned his underwear for some reason. Was he wearing police underwear?

Meddling ma

Ailsa — Tue, 13 Jul 2010 12:54:05 +0000

Elijah’s mam is a right dose. Now she’s telling Leah that Elijah wouldn’t be able for all marriage would throw at him. Eh, he’s a MINISTER. Doesn’t he listen to problems every day? Oh, it’s a masterstroke. No doubt Leah will think she’s right for five minutes, then rebel against her.

Dexter 2.0

Flathead — Fri, 09 Jul 2010 19:21:01 +0000

Why do we need a new Dexter? Maybe the producers didn’t like the previous actor who played Dexter. Fair enough if that’s the case or if he wasn’t available. But it seems that not only have they given us a new actor, but they’ve also given him a personality transplant. His mock Attenbourgh nature documentary was pretty annoying. Sid and Indigo would have been well within their rights to leave him in the bush when their car broke down. He may not survive too long in the bay in anyways. Boring or annoying young chaps often get written out pretty quick ala Henry going off to tap dancing school, Jai leaving for Japan and Lucas fecking off to a writing course after Tony shagged his teacher. I give it six months before Dexter leaves to get a job as a jockey in the Melbourne cup.

Let me be the one…the great Home and Away theme song tribute collection

Ailsa — Fri, 09 Jul 2010 09:19:18 +0000

The H&A theme song is one of those instantly recognisable ditties that will stand the test of time. But which is your favourite version? I thought mine was the Robertson Brothers’ effort, until I came across these little gems. Which would you vote for? Personally, I think they’re all inspired.

Guess who’s back?

Flathead — Thu, 08 Jul 2010 18:21:19 +0000

The Walkers, that’s who. Sid, Indigo and Dexter have returned to the bay. What effect is that going to have on poor Nicole? Sure she has no end of older men to lust after between the good doctor and the mysterious Penn. Ruby is trying to follow Nicole’s example with her own older man obsession. Liam is the object of her affections despite the fact that he’s made it clear he has no interest in her and wants to keep his job. Nice to see somebody in the show act sensibly and use their brain. With those kind of instincts Liam will be made principal in the nest few days, given Summer Bay timescales. From bad boy rocker to small town school principal in 12 months or less.

Great birthday present

Ailsa — Wed, 07 Jul 2010 19:51:06 +0000

Unbelieveable. Kate Ritchie introducing the Summer Bay weddings of the past. We had a pregnant (with Martha?) Roo running out on Frank, Alf and Ailsa slying off to become man and wife, and Angel miraculously rising from her wheelchair to walk down the aisle. Not to mention Don and Marilyn’s nuptials, and Hayley’s ghost dad giving her away. Hayley was always seeing ghosts. Do yis want a lend?

Inspired

Ailsa — Tue, 06 Jul 2010 18:21:53 +0000

Marilyn Chambers is the business. Who else would dream of opening a fortune tellers in a bait shop?

“Hello love, I’ll just have some maggots and while you’re at it, can you tell me if I’ll ever find true love?”

The lives and loves of Martha McKenzie

Flathead — Thu, 01 Jul 2010 18:13:22 +0000

Methodical? Never.

Mysterious? Sometimes.

Misunderstood? Often

Monogamous? Rarely.

Moron? Always.

Martha. Summer bay is a poorer place without it’s resident wild card. You can say many things about her but life was never dull with her around. It’s hard to know where to start with her.

She arrived in town with a flash when Jack dared her to streak naked along the seafront. Alf was unimpressed but he had to get used to these kind of shenanigans from his grand daughter. She later went onto appear in a strip club as a pole dancer which was classic H&A viewing. She wasn’t slow in showing her assets.

Yes, it was never dull with old Martha. She was the subject of regular kidnappings, attempted murder, car crashes, cancer, miscarriages and any kind of disaster going really. The bay will miss it’s resident queen of drama.

She knew when to fight for what was right, such as when she saved Tasha from Mama Rose and the cult. She also knew when to forgive and forget with Jonah’s past and Hugo’s people smuggling. Bit of a goldfish memory.

Martha had a talent for making snap decisions. This is what made herself and Jack such a good match. Life changing choices like “I’m going to buy a farm”, “I’m adopting Bum bum” or “I’m leaving the bay” would be made in space of a lunch hour. It would often be followed by the rational of “I’ve thought about it” – for a whole five minutes, went unsaid.

What of her lovers? Let us count the names. I’ll start with Jack. I wonder if we can name them all?

Why doesn’t…

Ailsa — Wed, 30 Jun 2010 19:07:30 +0000

…Liam have a girlfriend around his own age? He’s a handsome rock star.

Dun dun DUN!

Ailsa — Tue, 29 Jun 2010 18:59:21 +0000

Hurray, Home and Away madness is back! Today’s episode started with the ominous title “Six months ago”, and a shady figure having a great oul’ laugh at Alf on that documentary where he laments the hoons who’ve ruined his town. Fast forward to the present day and there’s a strange new character at the diner chatting up Irene. Strewth. He seems to be a new love interest for Nicole (at least those are her intentions) but I bet he’s going to CHANGE THE BAY FOREVER.

That aside, there’s a “sexy” love triangle going on between Gina, John and Jill. Very alliterative. Jill wants John, John wants Gina but will make do with Jill, and Gina’s not sure if she wants John, but she definitely doesn’t want Jill to have him. Romeo’s on Gina’s side, apparently she’s like a mother to him. Phew.

Hugo & Martha leave with a bang

Flathead — Sun, 27 Jun 2010 19:32:48 +0000

Martha and Hugo have left the bay like “Bonnie and Clive” according to Colleen. They went on the run after another near death experience with Hugo involved. This time is was the crook cop Eaves who took a pop at Hugo but only managed to clip him in the leg. Charlie and Angelo managed to apprehend bent Eaves and bring him to justice. Making it a good day for the law in the bay, they also arrested people smuggler Hugo and his enabler Martha. But for some reason, Sergeant Risotto decided to release the pair of them so they could go on the run. Away with them, the single men of the bay will sleep easy with Martha gone.

It’s a date!

Ailsa — Wed, 23 Jun 2010 20:10:20 +0000

Hmm, not sure what to make of Alf and Marilyn going on a date. Although, they would be a humorous couple. Marilyn could get into scrapes and Alf could grumble about “that flamin’ woman”.

Marilyn does like an older man, too. But it might be a bit weird seeing as Flathead and Alf are best buds.

What about Elijah’s ma? She’s a proper wagon, and the da is totally henpecked. Poor Leah. Sure she’s skin and bone as it is. Dunno how she managed to give birth to VJ at all.

Edit: I forgot to mention the Hugo storyline, maybe because it’s COMPLETELY BORING. Anyway there’s a new cop in town, he killed the kidnapper with the weird accent, and now he’s after Hugo. Snoooooooooze.

Poor Hugo

Flathead — Tue, 22 Jun 2010 09:57:16 +0000

“You guys are smart and Martha’s even smarter than you”. Xavier knows how to insult his brother. Talk about a backhanded compliment.

This better not be a joke!

Ailsa — Sat, 19 Jun 2010 15:55:57 +0000

“I need to leave.” Martha did really say that, didn’t she?

God’s gift

Flathead — Wed, 16 Jun 2010 18:19:53 +0000

Apparently John Palmer is drop dead gorgeous, according to Jill anyway. But that whole hiding in the bedroom from Gina story is pretty boring. No doubt there will be confusion and rows when Jill gets discovered.

Hugo nearly got his entire family killed but Rachel seems to be the only one who give a damn about it. The rest of them aren’t too bothered at all despite the fact they were nearly drowned and shot by the guy with the shotgun and a confused accent. Thankfully, Tony ambushed him with a rock from behind after Hugo ran him over. Now he’s banged up in the YCPD station and is looking at some hard time plus 1000 questions from Angelo.

I don’t know how Angelo is going to fit in time for a relationship with Charlie. He’s far too obsessed with Hugo to leave room for a girlfriend, even if she is one who likes doing her ironing in her silver underwear.

Kidnapped

Flathead — Tue, 15 Jun 2010 20:44:51 +0000

What is the story with the kidnapper’s accent? Where is he supposed to be from? Is he Irish, welsh or Australian? His powers of persuasion were impressive, Gina got in to the car with him without batting an eyelid. Yet again, Hugo has got his family in big trouble. He’s a walking disaster zone.