HoneyB.co.za

Relationships, sex and “the experts”

Michelle Roberts — Thu, 25 Jun 2009 13:19:48 GMT

I will admit that I watch Dr Phil, Oprah and probably any other talk show you could find. Ok not really all of them. Recently – I’d say the last 2 weeks or so – there has been alot of “experts” on sex and relationship and all stuff about it in general.

There was alot that I could agree with but also alot that had me thinking/questioning. Basically one “expert” reckoned that men want 3 things. Love and Loyalty, Support and Sex. If they don’t get either one of those 3 they will find it elsewhere. Another “expert” says that there are so many different factors in what makes us choose our partners. One of those is kissing. She said that if you don’t have at least one 10 second or longer kiss a day then there is probably something wrong in the relationship. Another person was having emotional affairs with other men and the “expert” said that she was addicted to the thrill and excitement of it – even if there was no physical contact with the person – and she wasn’t even considering what it was doing to her husband. She in turn said she doesn’t get trust and communication and such from him. SO she went looking elsewhere. She also said she never had sex with any of these men. Truth is she could’ve. Who will know. Her husband said she broke his trust. She told someone else she loved him and SAID she wanted to have sex with him. When you want to then in your mind you already have. Emotional affairs are just as painful as sexual affairs. Cheating is cheating. I tend to agree with him on that. Another topic was how some people could have happy relationships without the constant teenager sex binges but chances are they found that one missing thing somewhere else. Another topic was how what women want and need most is to feel desired. That will attract them to that person no matter how tired, cranky or bad the day was.

So here is my question. Are we just doomed by the fact that at least one partner in a relationship/marriage/partnership is going to find something that is missing elsewhere? Is it really possible to give all those things to your partner while still getting everything you need from your partner all the time in every way? I mean can a women feel desired by her husband while still supporting him and loving him no matter what and her husband kiss her for more than 10 seconds every day – all the time – every day. What if you have an off day? If I have an off day and don’t feel like being kind and caring and loyal and kiss him for more than 10 seconds and still have sex, does that mean he is going to find someone else?

Well I would like to believe that there is more to a relationship than just sex. I would like to believe that just because the “experts” say I have to do all these things every day doesn’t mean that one day I can’t. Surely there are still some relationships that are good and loyal and stable. I know some people cheat on their partners. I know bad things happen to relationships. But all of them? If my husband is going to cheat on me I doubt there is very much I can do to change his mind. I can watch him and be paranoid and suspect but is it going to change anything? If I kiss him for 30 seconds every day is he going to stop thinking about the other person. I doubt it. All I am saying is that I doubt that just these things keep relationships together. And if – like the “experts” say – we are all doomed for cheating then what is the point? Why have a relationship? Why get married? Is that really all there is to it? I seriously doubt it…..

Technorati Tags: Sex,Relationships,Experts,Talk Shows,Kissing

3D Art Gallery Updated

Michelle Roberts — Sat, 20 Jun 2009 23:00:53 GMT

I have updated my 3D Art Gallery with some of my more recent images. Let me know what you think.

Technorati Tags: 3D Art,3D Modelling

Good books to read

Michelle Roberts — Sat, 20 Jun 2009 22:18:46 GMT

I finally got back to the library again since we’ve moved. I am loving having a huge supply of reading material again.

I have read all the books we own – some even twice – so to have a whole library at my disposal is fantastic. Although I now have a little dilemma. I have a few authors that I really enjoy like Kathy Reichs, Dan Brown, James Patterson, Patricia Cornwell etc but I am fast approaching the end of the supply as far as these authors go. I also have this other neat little trick. I walk up and down and see which covers attract me. This does work really well but is rather time consuming.

I need some advice on good books or authors. I like pretty much any type of book so there really is no limitations. My only requirement is that it needs to be good. I don’t want to be on page 214 before the action starts. So if anyone out there can recommend anything I would really appreciate it.

Technorati Tags: Books,Authors,Library

Gallery Updated

Michelle Roberts — Sat, 20 Jun 2009 21:57:06 GMT

I finally got around to adding some of our wedding photo’s to the gallery. Of course they are on FaceBook as well. The photographers who took our photo’s have also added some of our photo’s to their website. You can follow the link for LenseSense Photography to have a peek if you want.

In the mean time there are quite a few in the gallery.

Technorati Tags: Wedding,Photography,Gallery

Twilight Series - The books

Michelle Roberts — Mon, 06 Apr 2009 21:21:30 GMT

We recently got the Twilight Series books. I had heard from friends that they were awesome and many had

said they could not put the books down so I already had very high expectations. I am surprised and excited to say that the books far exceeded my expectations. Willie managed to read all 4 the books in just a few days and sadly I am still a ways behind him. I am on the last book - Breaking Dawn - and the only reason why I have not finished is because of time constraints. Once I start reading there is just no way that I can put it down. I manage to sneak a page in here and there but like I said once I start I struggle to put it down.

These books are just fantastic! There is nothing predictable about them. There are no cliches. In fact once you have read Twilight you will - like me - often stop to wonder if this can not possibly be real. The whole story has made me stop and wonder so many times if maybe these things can - and do - happen all around us. It all seems so possible. The magic seems to leap off the pages.

I will not give anything of the story away but I will say that I am willing to bet on the fact that you will not be disappointed with the read. Not only is Stephenie Meyer an amazing author and story teller but she seems to capture every emotion and silent word perfectly. I could close my eyes and see the story unfold in my mind.

I am super excited about seeing all the movies. Do yourself a favour. Get the books. Even people who don't like to read as much as I do will love them.

The soundtrack to the movie is just as amazing. Visit Stephenie Meyer's site for some interesting info about the books, the movie, the characters and even how the story was born.

Let me go and read a few more pages before I fall asleep.......

Movies, Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse, Breaking Dawn, Stephenie Meyer, Books

Four legged family

Michelle Roberts — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 16:06:31 GMT

I thought I would spoil the dogs today when I stumbled upon these bones at the local butchery.

Nosh and Cody decided to swop so she ended up with the bone that is almost as big as she is. Cody had a firm grip on the situation while Zena went to hide with her bone while she devoured it.

Of course Pinky had to be in on the action and made himself comfy in an ice cream box. Guess that is what you call fresh?? How he manages to squeeze himself into the smallest spaces is beyond me but sure makes for entertaining situations.

cats, Dogs, Family, Pets

Changes

Michelle Roberts — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 14:58:34 GMT

Sometimes reflecting is a bad thing. I was looking back today and couldn't help but wonder when i changed so much. Why I changed so much. It has to be me as I am the only common denominator. Is it possible to change back?

I am not sure when I became the last person you spoke to about how you feel. I am not sure when I became the last one that was invited along. I am not sure when I became the last thing you thought of when you had to make decisions. I am not sure when I stopped counting when you had the chance to do something that had the potential of hurting me. When did I start to count for so little? When did I become invisible?

Like I said all of these changes has to be from my side. I just wish I knew why. Why did I change into this when I was so happy being that. Was it maybe because you crossed the line one too many times and I stood up for myself? Was it because i was cast aside and became invisible one too many times? Was it because I realised I was only there when it suited you?

I have become empty, angry. I feel worthless. I feel unlovable. I feel like a robot. I wish I knew why. I want to be the fun, happy, laughing person I once was. I want to be the person people wanted to be around. I want to be the person that had conversations for hours because my opinion mattered. I want to be the person that mattered.

I am not sure why I changed into this. Are you worth it? Do I let them get me down? Somehow it doesn't feel right.

Watch me now......as I take my life back......one way or another.....

Watch me as I start to matter........

Watch me as my opinions start to count.........

Watch me as I become visible..........

care, Family, Friends, Happy, Honesty, Loss, Love, Tired

Mystery Solved....

Michelle Roberts — Thu, 19 Mar 2009 20:51:58 GMT

For so many years I have had a very embarrasing, very painful and very secret problem. It started when I was about 14 or 15. I had these painful lumps and it seemed that my glands were always swollen. I went to the doctor and he suggested the I have them surgically removed. He wasn't sure what it was but was confident that once it was removed it would be the end of that. Barely a month after the surgery I had another one in another spot.

He did some tests but had no answer. I was put on antibiotics. They just kept on coming back. We eventually moved and once again it as suggested that I have surgery to have the lump removed. Each time I went to the doctor I was poked and prodded and had tests done. Each time it became more painful. I had the surgery but also had blood tests done. The blood tests got lost and I had to do it all over again. The results didn't show anything that helped and I was just put on antibiotics again.

After many years of tests and surgeries I was told that it came from my nose (not sure how that works) and that I was wheat and lactose intolerant. I was told that I had a problem with my white blood cells. Each time I was put on antibiotics and before I had even finished the course it would be back. After a while I stopped going to the doctor and just dealt with the pain and embarrasment. These lumps started to leave awful scars and in the last few years there has hardly been a day that I have not had a lump of some kind and been in pain.

I was lucky enough that Willie didn't see the scars and understood when I was in pain. On Monday he suggested I go to our new doctor about this and see if he could shed some light.

I walked in with a lump in full force and by just showing the doctor he knew immediately what it was. I was shocked that he knew exactly what it as and how it felt and what happened. He has decided to put me on quite hectic medication for about 9 months and see how it goes. He told me I had Hidradenitis Suppurativa. I read up about it and ended up feeling quite emotional. After years of not knowing I finally have a name. It as such a great relief knowing what it was and knowing I was not alone. It was such a huge shock to read about it. Even thought I had long ago resigned myself to the fact that I was just going to have to deal with this it was still a shock to know that it might not be curable. It as scary. I am not sure why it is as scary knowing as it was not knowing.

I am also a little angry that there is so little research done about this. There is no known cause for this. There is no known treatment for it. There is very little known about this. I am going to give this treatment the best shot. I know it is going to be a rough few months. It might not be but one way or another I am going to give it my best shot. It is awesome to know that all the pain and embarrasment was not just in my head. That I am not the only one.

Hidradenitis Suppurativa

Welcome Emma

Michelle Roberts — Mon, 12 Jan 2009 21:34:53 GMT

As I mentioned before my cousin Tara had a beautiful baby girl, Emma Teagan. Let me tell you how I got to meet her.....

My cousin Tara had been in hospital for quite a few days having tests done and baby Emma checked out. The dr's were concerned as she was getting quite bigger and had to figure out why. I was in touch mostly via facebook with Tara and sms's with my aunt. On Friday night I got a phonecall that Tara was induced and things looked like they were starting to happen. I was only going to go through on Saturday but it seemed like Emma wanted to come before that. SO I went through to PMB at about 10pm. As I got to the maternity I walked into Tara and my aunt doing the famous "walk around". She was having contractions but within an hour or so they seemed to be going away. Well we rubbed her back, made her walk around and was even considering making her eat/drink something vile. Seems Emma wasn't ready to come yet after all.

At about 1 am my aunt and I decided to head home for some sleep and we were assured we would be phoned as soon as something happens. Luckily my aunt is a nurse at this particular hospital and worked in Maternity for many years.

We were convinced that we would get a phone call before sunrise. Imagine my surprise when I woke up at 6:30 with the sun shining and no phone calls. So we packed off to the hospital again. Once there Tara was all too comfortable and not having ANY contractions anymore. She she started with her second round of induction and we walked...and walked....and walked. Again she started to have some slight contractions but they only lasted a short time before going away again. So by the time she got the next dose of the induction it seemed like the process was just repeating itself but she wasn't actually getting anywhere. The nurses seemed to think that by that evening she would be well on her way to delivering.

but she wasn't. Another day of rubbing, walking and medicine was over and still NO sign of delivering. Looked like Emma was staying put. My aunt and I headed home again. This time quite disappointed. The week before Willie had been away on a business trip and I only spent a few hours with him before heading to PMB and he was leaving again on Monday. I wanted to go home to see him but also stay and meet Emma. He told me to rather stay until something happened.

So I stayed. Again we went to bed with the hope that we would get a phone call during the night.

Again I woke up with the sun shining and no news. My aunt had a church tea meeting so I decided to take the hour and visit my friend and meet my aunt back at the hospital when she came back. When we got to the hospital Tara was back to no contractions and no further developments. How frustrating. For all of us.

Tara just wanted to hold her baby and my aunt and I were so looking forward to it all we just couldn't handle the anticipation anymore.

By Sunday afternoon there was still nothing and I had to make a decision about heading home. Tara and my aunt asked someone to please do a quick assessment of the situation so that we all knew where we stood. She was told that she was a little further along but not far enough to consider it any real progress. She was also told that if she had not gone into full labour by the next day they would have to do a c-section. Oh joy......

I went home after giving Tara and my aunt very strict instructions to call me should anything happen. Even just a sharp pain. By the next morning (thanx again to facebook and sms's) there was a conclusion. By Monday afternoon Tara would be holding her baby. She was scheduled for a c-section. My aunt was going to tell me what time as soon as she knew but my midday I couldn't wait anymore and decided to go through

and rather wait on that side. Thank goodness. Just outside PMB my aunt phoned to ask where I was as they bumped Tara up on the schedule and she was due to go in SOON. I raced there and as I got there my aunt was standing in her scrubs and ready to go in but she was waiting for me to hold all the stuff. I was too late to see Tara as she was already in theatre getting ready. I was told to sit and wait.

In a few minutes my aunt came running out with a gown for me and told me to follow her. They were letting me go and wait where Emma would come to be cleaned and checked up as soon as she was born. In other words, I was waiting with the peaditrician. How exciting. The dr was standing at the door to the theatre and she was giving me updates as to how far they were and what they were doing. All of a sudden I heard Emma. One loud cry and suddenly there was laughter everywhere. Within seconds (or at least it felt like seconds) the nurse came running through the doors with Emma. They cleaned her, checked her and warmed her up. Oh my word. I think I was crying harder than anyone. It was such a special moment. After Dr checked her out my aunt held her and we couldn't believe she was finally there. As if by telepathy Willie

phoned. At the exact moment that they put Emma down in front of me he phoned to find out how things were going. It was so special to be able to talk to him at that moment. After my aunt held her and millions of photo's were taken I had the opportunity to hold her. She was so tiny and light and gorgeous. Needless to say I cried some more. Not my finest moment but a moment that I will never forget.

They usually don't allow the babies to have a bath for the first 6 hours but my aunt with all her connections managed to convince them to let her give Emma her first bath. It was amazing to see how cold Emma was even though it was a stinker of a hot day and the room was heated as well. By the time Tara got back to the ward Emma was bathed and beautiful and when Tara finally held her it all went quiet. Wow, it was such an amazing day.

I can't thank Tara and my aunt enough for letting me share in such an amazing experience. I hope you understand how much it meant to me. My amazing husband, for understanding how much it meant to me and encouraging me to do whatever it took to be there for them and with them.

So, Emma Teagan, on the 24th of November 2008 at 15h05 you graced us with your presence. 53cm tall and weighing 3.36kg you stole our hearts. Welcome to the world. May we part of your life forever and share in all your special moments. We love you.

More photo's of Emma here

additions, Baby, Cute, Family, Happy, Hospital, Love, Newborn, Pietermaritzburg, Untitled

Missing

Michelle Roberts — Wed, 07 Jan 2009 19:18:39 GMT

These were the images missing from my last post:

Wedding