One of the questions I’m always asking myself is,

Am I here to fulfill a purpose or am I here to just take up space? 

I’d really like to believe that I’m here to do more than just take up space, so much of my adult life has been about gaining clarity about my Truth and how to actualize it.

I came across a handy tool from the folks over at FranklinCovey.com to help me craft my personal mission statement. What’s great about having a personal mission statement is that it helps you identify what’s important – your core values, goals, and motivations.

Here’s what I got so far:

I am at my best when I am inspired, motivated, and challenged. I will try to prevent times when I am surrounded by negativity and self-doubt. I will enjoy my work by seeking opportunities where I can be fluid, research new ideas, talk to people, solve problems, and be creative.

I will find enjoyment in my personal life by building relationships, learning new things, and becoming more myself.

I will find opportunities to use my natural talents and gifts such as writing, speaking, photography, seeing the big picture, being a good friend, cooking, breathing on purpose, and helping others.

I can do anything I set my mind to. I will do whatever I want to do.

My life’s journey is to be open, to love, to experience, to grow, and to be myself, without limits.

I will be a person who was a bright light that shared her gifts with the world, was fearless, a bit reckless and crazy at times, but mostly, always herself. I will be remembered for my big personality, but never having followers, or people in my shadow.

My most important future contribution to others will be to inspire people to become more themselves.

I will stop procrastinating and start working on communicating more effectively when I’m having a rough time with something, especially when it involves other people.

I will strive to be more radical, dynamic, and industrious.

I will constantly renew myself by prioritizing my health through clean eating and daily physical activity, Sadhana, clearing out distractions both mental and physical, and making time for the things I enjoy doing and the people who matter most.

I will continue to refine this over the next few weeks until I’m completely satisfied, but it will be open-ended, as things may change in a six months, a year, or ten years.

If you’d like to get started on your own personal mission statement, visit the Franklin Covey website and use their free Personal Mission Statement Builder. You can save your information on the site, and they’ll even e-mail it to you or print it on a poster (at cost).

I’m thinking now would be a good time to re-read The 7  Habits of Highly Effective People.

Do you have your own personal mission statement?

How and why did you decide to create one?

How does it shape your life and your daily activities?

Have you read The 7  Habits of Highly Effective People?

What are you thoughts on it?

What’s changed for you since you’ve been here last?

Did you hook up with someone new, end a relationship, or get married?

Did you get a new job, get fired, or launch a business?

Are you pregnant, delivering, or thinking very strongly about the process?

Did you move halfway around the world, or just down the block?

Have you lost a couple of pounds or gained five?

Did someone close to you make the transition?

Whatever is going on for you, are you WHERE you want to be?

Are you the person you REALLY are?

Have you come fully alive?

The other day I was talking to a friend of mine about feeling stuck in a particular area and I remarked that it simply isn’t enough to be alive, and that Death wouldn’t be the worst thing that’s ever happened to me.

He was immediately concerned for my well-being, and it took several minutes for me to explain why he needed to RELAX.

Death is all around us – there’s no sense in trying to pretend like it’s never going to happen to us and that we’ll live forever.

It’s the most irrational thing about being Human, to fear Death and hide from It, when we know it’s inevitable.

I’m sure every person who has died, no matter their age didn’t think it would come so soon for them.

So soon as in, if only they had more time to…

So, as I explained to my dear friend, the worst thing about living, for me, is going through it half-assed.

I’m not interested in maintaining the status quo or doing anything because, “that’s the way it’s always been done”.

So this year, as I prepare to turn the age my mother was when she gave birth to me, continuing to purge and make room for new energy and new opportunities, I’ve decided to accept my mortality and keep pushing for the things that matter most to me: the freedom to do whatever I want, whenever I want it, however I want.

And to also release the fear of external security – a “real” job, a house, a relationship – because there’s no sense in being attached to anything or anyone that can be taken from me.

So no, I won’t be returning to the false security of a “good job” AKA the 40-40-40.

There are plenty of people who enjoy that livelihood and it’s a right livelihood for the right person, but it’s not me, so please stop suggesting it.

And anyway, I’ve had a really GOOD life.

Thanks to my mother for laying the foundation and for the countless friends, bosses, and others who’ve made it all possible.  I’ve danced at Lincoln Center, Carnegie Hall, and the Apollo, visited several states and countries, won Spelling Bees, felt the power of love, talked to strangers, had my feelings hurt, ate a lot of really good food, laughed a lot, cried a lot, been broke, been PAID, been injured, had lots of great sex, worked a dozen jobs that I wanted to work at, not because I had to, and I’ve been all over the damn place – I’ve lived!

So when I leave this earth, I don’t want anyone crying for me.

Sure, there are things that I’d still like to do, but I haven’t missed out on anything.

So today, a month before my new year, I’m making a vow to myself to keep up, keep going, and keep becoming more Me.

No more half-assed living.

I don’t know how much time I have left and that doesn’t really matter.

It’s time to be fully alive.

At your age, whatever age you are, can you say that you have lived a full, vibrant experience?

If you can’t, what’s stopping you?

rest in power Whitney

From www.kollewin.com

Have you ever witnessed someone having a heart attack, choking, or an accident? Did you know what to do, beyond calling 911? Were you able to provide assistance or did you stand there powerless until help came?

The first person to respond in an emergency situation will be the person who is right there as it’s happening. And since it can take anywhere from fifteen minutes to two hours for an emergency medical team to respond and get to a Emergency Room, having CPR/First Aid certification can save someone’s life while you wait for help to arrive.

CPR/First Aid courses are usually held as two separate classes that last about 8-hours each, and can be packaged to save money.

You can expect to pay $60-85 for each class, depending on who is offering the course and how many people are participating.

Once you receive your certification, you will be qualified to perform CPR & First Aid for two years, after which, you’ll need to get recertified.

To find out where a CPR & First Aid Class is being held in your area, contact your local community college, Fire Department, Red Cross chapter, or perform a search for CPR  First Aid along with your city to find a certified location near you.

Yesterday I was visiting with my father who happened to be watching an episode of Divorce Court where a wife was frustrated with her husband’s lack of financial and emotional contributions to the family and to their relationship. She felt that he just wanted to lay up and live off of her while he pursued a music career. She said he was a great father to his kids, but otherwise, he was a deadbeat when it came to their marriage and with being a responsible adult.

As I talked with my friend later that evening, my thoughts kept coming back to that TV show and our respective relationships, and I realized that we too had experienced deadbeats in our romantic lives.

How to tell if you’re an emotional deadbeat:

You know how some people like to say relationships are 50/50?

I never liked that analogy, because what if both parties are giving a half-assed 50%, or one person gives their best 50 and the other person is half-assing? And since very little success comes from a half-assed effort, give it your all, or keep it moving.

If you feel that your relationship is only worth 50% of your effort, and perhaps not even your best effort, than chances are that’s what you give to your whole life, and that makes you an emotional deadbeat.

Have you ever said something like, “The next time around, I’m not doing this, that, or the third? “

So your last relationship burned you. Real bad.

Does that mean the new person is going to do the same thing to you?

Maybe. Maybe not.

But because you’ve brought past emotional baggage into your new relationship, the least bit of conflict will open up old wounds, and you’ll blame the other person instead of addressing the fact that you haven’t healed from the pain of your previous relationship.

And that makes you an emotional deadbeat.

“I was the BEST s/he ever had and they fucked it up. The next person who comes my way will have to work to earn my love. I’m done.”

So, you’ve decided that you’re going to punish the new person for everything your ex did to you that hurt you. Relationships built on this mindset never end well, but they always end.

If you’ve done this/are doing this now, you’re an emotional deadbeat.

“This is my last effort to have a real, meaningful relationship.”

I haven’t been around for that long, but I have seen far too many people enter relationships with this mindset. It’s especially disturbing when I hear people under 30 say this, because, really, one hasn’t lived long enough to have that feeling at 30 or younger.

This sentiment is often a culmination of all the previously mentioned examples and is the worst kind, because this person has essentially become the living dead.

A person who feels this way has checked out emotionally. They are not fully engaged, even though they may tell you that they want and are seriously committed to the relationship. Their behavior is passive-aggressive, and when the relationship doesn’t work out, they will tell you that none of what went wrong had anything to do with them. In fact, they will have you believe that they were a good partner the whole time, whereby being good, they hardly participated, and by default, they can’t be held responsible for what went wrong.

Emotional deadbeats are like vampires.

If you’re not careful, they will suck the life force out of you and turn you into one of them.

Have you been an emotional deadbeat or been in a relationship with an emotional deadbeat?

When did you realize it, and what did you do about it?

If there never seems to be enough time to get things done, then perhaps it’s time to rethink your approach to accomplishing them.

And if multi-tasking only leaves you with a never ending list of open-ended projects and tasks, then it’s time to let go of the belief that you know how to juggle, and let the balls drop.

Try this list making activity to help you visualize what you need to get done on a daily, weekly, and monthly basis.

Step One: Create the Master List

What has to happen during the course of a month to make your life run smoothly? These are the static tasks, everything from self-care practices (gym, shower, grooming, beauty care, etc) to buying groceries and preparing meals to household chores to paying bills and everything else in between.

Best practices: Go through this list a few times and put a star next to the tasks/activities that are essential to your well-being and quality of life and a question mark next to the tasks/activities that you do not enjoy or do out of obligation. Give the starred tasks priority, and spend some time reassessing why you’re giving your time and energy to tasks/activities you don’t believe in.  Then, stop doing them.

Step Two: Create the Quarterly List

These are things that you need to do every so often, that you usually forget or put off, like annual checkups, membership renewal fees, self-employment taxes, car inspections/tune-ups.

Best practices: Create a window period for these tasks/activities. For example, if your accountant needs your paperwork in by the 15^th, set a deadline for the 1^st so that you’ll have everything in by that date.

Step Three: Create the Monthly To-Do List

Looking at your master list, what are the tasks/activities that only need to happen once a month? List them here.

Best practices: Assign a specific day of the month, e.g. the last Thursday of every month, for each of these tasks so they have their time and place.

Step Four: Create the Weekly List

Now that you have the monthly tasks/activities set aside, what needs to happen once a week?

Best practices: Like the monthly list, assign a specific day to get tasks done, e.g., Saturday is laundry day, Sunday is grocery day, etc.

Step Five: Create the Daily List

What needs to get done day to day?

Best practices: Try to cap this list at five tasks/activities, and do not add anything else to this list as you cross your completed tasks off. You’ll never feel a sense of accomplishment if you have too many tasks on this list or keep adding new ones.

Once you have identified the static tasks/activities that don’t really change from day to week to month, consider getting one of those big dry erase wall calendars to put up and use it to post sticky notes and write in your tasks/activities. This way, you can see them all in one place and have a reminder of what you need to do.

If you have a smartphone, be sure to set reminder timers on your calendar!

And oh yeah, remember to be flexible. Life happens while we’re making lists and plans, and sometimes you just have to go with the flow.