But what of Chamfer Ticktape himself? How did he paint, in swathes of brightly-coloured emulsion, the hideous countenance of the deckhand, without himself succumbing to gibbering, and to insanity? For years, the noted Royal Academician has refused to speak of his painting, referring all enquiries to his PR toady, a master of obfuscatory fol-de-rol. At various times, this slippery fellow has hinted either that the artist was blindfolded as he painted, or that his brain was protected by a mysterious carapace, or that he prepared a “painting-by-numbers” grid and directed the execution from behind a screen, his assistants then being carted off one by one to the very same grim bleak windswept granite asylum, perched on the hillside, where they are kept in a separate wing, also locked, in which they gibber insanely while sucking on wafers. Not one of these tales is likely to be true. Some say the deckhand is a self-portrait of the painter, but how could that be? Chamfer Ticktape is a man-about-town, sweeping in and out of fashionable restaurants and nightspots, in cape and muffler, pursued by paparazzi, and he does not leave in his wake a trail of the gibbering and insane.

• Tales of Ugo (Pt. 1)
  Fruiterer’s Gleam
  Victims of Spontaneous Human Combustion In Nineteenth-Century Literature: A Complete List.
  Deckhand With Mop
  Tales of Ugo (Pt. 2)

This episode was recorded on the 17th March 2011. A complete transcript of this episode can be found on Frank Key’s Hooting Yard website. Accompanying Hooting Yard On The Air, the six publications We Were Puny, They Were Vapid, Gravitas, Punctilio, Rectitude & Pippy Bags, Unspeakable Desolation Pouring Down From The Stars, Befuddled By Cormorants , Inpugned By A Peasant And Other Storiesand Porpoises Rescue Dick Van Dyke are available for purchase

On Easter Sundays and other Christian festivals the pointyhead detectives experimented with divan-arrangements somewhere between orderly and chaotic. They had never been able to settle upon an optimum disposition, for they were only too aware that some crimes were best solved with the divans lined up in a row, or in a stellar pattern, while other crimes were cracked when the divans were arranged haphazardly. The one thing they all agreed upon was the effectiveness of their cerebral approach, as pointyhead detectives, reclining upon divans, smoking their pipes, looking to the untrained eye as if they were half-asleep and lost in lassitude.

• A Dislike of Inappropriate Buttons
  Bloaters And Mayonnaise
  Adventures of the Pointyhead Detectives
  Ingrate Ghoul, Scattered Sprig
  Mayonnaise and Bleach
  Bemufflement of Clangings

This episode was recorded on the 10th March 2011. A complete transcript of this episode can be found on Frank Key’s Hooting Yard website. Accompanying Hooting Yard On The Air, the six publications We Were Puny, They Were Vapid, Gravitas, Punctilio, Rectitude & Pippy Bags, Unspeakable Desolation Pouring Down From The Stars, Befuddled By Cormorants , Inpugned By A Peasant And Other Storiesand Porpoises Rescue Dick Van Dyke are available for purchase

As dawn breaks, up the slope of the hill toils the village wolfman, with his bucket of slaughtered squirrels and hamsters and mice, food for the wolf. He empties the bucket at the foot of the old rugged cross and while the wolf gobbles down its breakfast, he strides in his wolfman’s boots to the rill, and dips the bucket in, collecting water for the wolf. When the wolf has eaten its fill and slurped up all the water it wants from the bucket, back down the hill goes the wolfman, having first given a few tugs to the tether, to test its strength.

• The Tiny-Headed Boy
• Origin of the Potato Disorder
• Origin of the Potato Disorder Revisited
• The Duggleby Splash
• Big Ears Addresses The Parley-In-Exile
• The Old Rugged Cross
• The Ruffian Biffo, His Book
• Things To Do With Vipers

This episode was recorded on the 24th February 2011. A complete transcript of this episode can be found on Frank Key’s Hooting Yard website. Accompanying Hooting Yard On The Air, the six publications We Were Puny, They Were Vapid, Gravitas, Punctilio, Rectitude & Pippy Bags, Unspeakable Desolation Pouring Down From The Stars, Befuddled By Cormorants , Inpugned By A Peasant And Other Storiesand Porpoises Rescue Dick Van Dyke are available for purchase

The field in which the howler monkeys were recorded is, of course, a very different field from the squelchy, squelchy mud-strewn one in which the jamboree takes place when the Community Pole-Vaulting Collective and the Avant-Colliery Marching Band have crossed the bridge and successfully negotiated their way past the heavily-armed sentries. Drawn exclusively from the ranks of the most sociopathic cadets, the sentries have their own insignia and their own music, buzzed directly into their ears by transmitters which pick up signals from the netherworld.

• The Maintenance of Reservoirs
• Horn Of Plenty
• Jamboree
• Inquiry Into The Death of Virginia Woolf
• The Polyglots

This episode was recorded on the 17th February 2011. A complete transcript of this episode can be found on Frank Key’s Hooting Yard website. Accompanying Hooting Yard On The Air, the six publications We Were Puny, They Were Vapid, Gravitas, Punctilio, Rectitude & Pippy Bags, Unspeakable Desolation Pouring Down From The Stars, Befuddled By Cormorants , Inpugned By A Peasant And Other Storiesand Porpoises Rescue Dick Van Dyke are available for purchase

If the bandage is white, as is common, and the swan is white, as is common, the casual observer may not even notice that the embedding has taken place. That may or may not be important, depending upon the legal regulations obtaining in the jurisdiction. Some authorities take a dim view of the embedding of galvanic batteries in the graceful heads of swans, though for the life of me I cannot think why that might be so. In any case, it is better to check the legal position beforehand.

• The Clue Is In The Dabbler
• Galvanic Batteries, Heads of Swans
• Problems With The Wiring
• Aesop’s Foibles
• The Sumptuous Repast of Benj. H. Nute & Co.
• Inklings of Nute
• Bombastus and The Montebanks

This episode was recorded on the 3rd February 2011. A complete transcript of this episode can be found on Frank Key’s Hooting Yard website. Accompanying Hooting Yard On The Air, the six publications We Were Puny, They Were Vapid, Gravitas, Punctilio, Rectitude & Pippy Bags, Unspeakable Desolation Pouring Down From The Stars, Befuddled By Cormorants , Inpugned By A Peasant And Other Storiesand Porpoises Rescue Dick Van Dyke are available for purchase

• Goblin Colour Codes
• Retired Blacksmiths!
• Aguirre, The Wrath of Candleford
• 128 Pamphlets (Out of Print)
• Otter Sanctuary Sandwich Paste
• O Baleful Pig

This episode was recorded on the 20th January 2011. A complete transcript of this episode can be found on Frank Key’s Hooting Yard website. Accompanying Hooting Yard On The Air, the six publications We Were Puny, They Were Vapid, Gravitas, Punctilio, Rectitude & Pippy Bags, Unspeakable Desolation Pouring Down From The Stars, Befuddled By Cormorants , Inpugned By A Peasant And Other Stories and Porpoises Rescue Dick Van Dyke are available for purchase

I banged my head on the baptismal font, but that was only the beginning of my troubles. The font was hewn from adamantine rock, and the water it contained, though of necessity holy water, was icy. When the priest slopped it on to my bashed head, I screamed at such a pitch that a stained glass window depicting the martyrdom of St Bibblybibdib (spikes, tongs, fire) was shattered. A falling shard sliced the priest’s jugular, and he collapsed, but not before dropping me into the font. While I splashed about, bawling and freezing, minuscule organisms with which the water was riddled swam into my ears, and burrowed tiny tunnels into my brain, wherein they laid their eggs.

• Dabbler Christmas Compendium
• Old Key’s Almanacke
• Corrections and Clarifications
• Bewlay The Landgrave
• Monkey-Annoyance Expert
• Little Dagobert

This episode was recorded on the 13th January 2011. A complete transcript of this episode can be found on Frank Key’s Hooting Yard website. Accompanying Hooting Yard On The Air, the six publications We Were Puny, They Were Vapid, Gravitas, Punctilio, Rectitude & Pippy Bags, Unspeakable Desolation Pouring Down From The Stars, Befuddled By Cormorants , Inpugned By A Peasant And Other Stories and Porpoises Rescue Dick Van Dyke are available for purchase.

The Non-fictional St. Poppo (lance not pictured)

“After the death of Mrs Hawker, he fell into a condition of piteous depression, and began to eat opium. He moped about the cliffs, or in his study, and lost interest in every thing…

“He took it into his head that he could eat nothing but clotted cream. He therefore made his meals, breakfast, dinner, and tea, of this. He became consequently exceedingly bilious, and his depression grew the greater.”

• Headline News
• Hat Advisor
• A Remarkable Amount Of Mud
• In A Bog With Baring-Gould
• How To Excommunicate Vermin
• Have You Seen This Man?
• A Widower’s Diet
• The Little Shop Of Roger Giles
• Hooting Yard Christmas Gift Guide

This episode was recorded on the 6th December 2010. A complete transcript of this episode can be found on Frank Key’s Hooting Yard website. Accompanying Hooting Yard On The Air, the six publications We Were Puny, They Were Vapid, Gravitas, Punctilio, Rectitude & Pippy Bags, Unspeakable Desolation Pouring Down From The Stars, Befuddled By Cormorants , Inpugned By A Peasant And Other Stories and Porpoises Rescue Dick Van Dyke are available for purchase

They called him Blomqvist, and he was the village wrestler. He lived in a room above the post office. No other living being ever set foot in the room until the day Blomqvist died. They found him lying on his bed, as if he were asleep, but there was no doubt that he was dead, for hovering above his chest was a baleful phantom, emitting gruesome suppurations of foul-smelling extraterrestrial hideousness which it poured into a funnel inserted into Blomqvist’s right ear. They closed up the room and nailed the door shut. It remained unopened for the next hundred years.

• Alphabet Soup
• Four Uncanny Tales
• Kew. Turge.
• Moptop Of Gath
• Herodotus Storm Smog?
• Fringringhoe
• St. Dunstan’s Cup

This episode was recorded on the 25th November 2010. A complete transcript of this episode can be found on Frank Key’s Hooting Yard website. Accompanying Hooting Yard On The Air, the six publications We Were Puny, They Were Vapid, Gravitas, Punctilio, Rectitude & Pippy Bags, Unspeakable Desolation Pouring Down From The Stars, Befuddled By Cormorants , Inpugned By A Peasant And Other Stories and Porpoises Rescue Dick Van Dyke are available for purchase

Because of his drooling, the slack-jawed dribbler was a man of few words. It was said that he expressed himself more fully in the waltz than he could ever manage with words. When he spoke, he slurred and slurped and his eyes grew wild. The fey ladies shuddered or swooned, and who can blame them? It is also true that he had no conversation, of the kind suitable for tea dances and soirées. He had fixed views on two or three topics of limited interest, and these he expounded, so far as his drooling and slurring and slurping allowed, in a low monotone indistinguishable at times from the buzz of a distant swarm of hornets.

• Headline News
• A Lucky Find
• A Note On Gnomes
• The Steinerian Gnome: An Introduction
• Debilite Sociale
• Urban House Numbers
• Slack-Jawed Dribbler
• Mephitc Odours & Perverted Telelgraph Boys

This episode was recorded on the 2nd December 2010. A complete transcript of this episode can be found on Frank Key’s Hooting Yard website. Accompanying Hooting Yard On The Air, the five publications We Were Puny, They Were Vapid, Gravitas, Punctilio, Rectitude & Pippy Bags, Unspeakable Desolation Pouring Down From The Stars, Befuddled By Cormorants and Inpugned By A Peasant And Other Stories are available for purchase

i. Remain lying in bed, quite still, staring at the ceiling. Try to recall any dreams you may have had while you were asleep. Did any hooved beasts, such as goats or horses, feature in these dreams? If so, they were probably not dreams at all, and thus you have a preliminary explanation for the hoofprints on your ceiling. Report this immediately to your local nocturnal hoofprint investigating officer.

• Dealey Plaza Craft Project
• O Say Can You See
• Scenes From The Lives of the Great Composers, No 1
• Ambrose and Ploppo
• Christopher Smart Recipe Time
• Hoofprint Advice
• O Say  Can You See (Duet version)

This episode was recorded on the 4th November 2010. A complete transcript of this episode can be found on Frank Key’s Hooting Yard website. Accompanying Hooting Yard On The Air, the five publications We Were Puny, They Were Vapid, Gravitas, Punctilio, Rectitude & Pippy Bags, Unspeakable Desolation Pouring Down From The Stars, Befuddled By Cormorants and Inpugned By A Peasant And Other Stories are available for purchase

And hardly were the words out of his mouth than the impatient young hothead strode out of his chalet and down the mountainside to town, to buy a ream of sheet music paper and a biro. Crepusco settled back on the divan, by the oil heater, and devised a two-pronged strategy. The first prong was to ensure that, throughout his career, however long it turned out to be, he forbade Binder from ever writing another song. Were this prong to fail, as well it might, Crepusco reasoned that he could, long in the future, scribble a sneaky amendment to the date on the MS of the Five Last Songs, and forge parallel documentation if necessary, to confound the historians. This was his second prong. Well satisfied, he closed his eyes and dreamed the dreams of a dwarvish helpmeet, until Binder returned.

• Book Reviews
• Monkeys And Squirrels
• The Monkey House Incident
• Five Last Songs
• How To Stun A Europeasant (At The Dabbler)

This episode was recorded on the 4th November 2010. A complete transcript of this episode can be found on Frank Key’s Hooting Yard website. Accompanying Hooting Yard On The Air, the five publications We Were Puny, They Were Vapid, Gravitas, Punctilio, Rectitude & Pippy Bags, Unspeakable Desolation Pouring Down From The Stars, Befuddled By Cormorants and Inpugned By A Peasant And Other Stories are available for purchase

I squelched across the marsh, in driving rain, and linnets sang within my brain. There were no linnets to be seen, just crows, drenched crows, drenched crows. I lit my pipe and sucked, and heard the caw of a drenched crow. The rain was pelting down as I made my slopping way from marsh to town. And in the town, no linnets, no, nor crows. Just shuttered kiosks and the stadium. An athlete threw his javelin in the air. I watched it soar then stab the sodden grass. I went to the canteen. An arty print of crows hung on the wall. I slurped a bowl of steaming warming broth, and then I caught a bus back to the marsh.

• Take One Weasel…
• Drenched Crows
• That Terrible Well
• The Defiant Ones
• Nature Notes
• Alpine Zombie
• O Anglepoise Man!

This episode was recorded on the 28th October 2010. A complete transcript of this episode can be found on Frank Key’s Hooting Yard website. Accompanying Hooting Yard On The Air, the five publications We Were Puny, They Were Vapid, Gravitas, Punctilio, Rectitude & Pippy Bags, Unspeakable Desolation Pouring Down From The Stars, Befuddled By Cormorants and Inpugned By A Peasant And Other Stories are available for purchase

“I’m afraid I have never seen any of your plays,” said the glintist, “My work keeps me fantastically busy, and on the rare occasions I might be free to make a trip to the theatre, I often have to go to a kiosk on a seaside pier where a charlatan healer makes enigmatic passing movements of his hands over my anomalous windpipe.”

• Further Spookiness At South Mimms
• The Despicable Noodles
• The Crooner and His Widow
• Dave Dee, Dozy, Beaky, Mick & Tich & Wynken, Blynken & Nod
• Maud Wasp and the Top Glintist
• Where Is the Emperor?

This episode was recorded on the 21st October 2010. A complete transcript of this episode can be found on Frank Key’s Hooting Yard website. Accompanying Hooting Yard On The Air, the five publications We Were Puny, They Were Vapid, Gravitas, Punctilio, Rectitude & Pippy Bags, Unspeakable Desolation Pouring Down From The Stars, Befuddled By Cormorants and Inpugned By A Peasant And Other Stories are available for purchase

Twas midnight as I crept through the graveyard. The sky was pitch black, the stars obscured by clouds. My Toc H lamp shed only meagre light, and I stumbled many times over the rough and ravaged ground. Somewhere an owl hooted. I hooted in reply, mischievously, for even in so macabre a circumstance I retained my joie de vivre. Well, you have to, don’t you, when surrounded by doom ‘n’ death ‘n’ memento mori?

• W
• X
• Y
• Z
• An Irish Writer Of Some Repute
• Foul And Beastly Vice At South Mimms

This episode was recorded on the 14th October 2010. A complete transcript of this episode can be found on Frank Key’s Hooting Yard website. Accompanying Hooting Yard On The Air, the five publications We Were Puny, They Were Vapid, Gravitas, Punctilio, Rectitude & Pippy Bags, Unspeakable Desolation Pouring Down From The Stars, Befuddled By Cormorants and Inpugned By A Peasant And Other Stories are available for purchase

If it was shortly after dawn that you sank into your quagmire, bleary-eyed on a morning hike, you at least know that you have many hours of light ahead, and this knowledge should help you to keep your pecker up. After all, statistically, the longer the daylight, the more chance there is of a peasant passing by. I have not studied statistics, and of course there are all sorts of variables to take into account, but I think I can safely say that you have more reason for optimism if you have sunk into a quagmire early in the morning rather than at dusk, as the sun sinks in the west and the sky turns black. You can adjust the intensity of your hope or hopelessness based on what o’ clock it is when you sink, for of course it may be neither dawn nor dusk but two-thirty in the afternoon or one minute past midnight. If the latter, should you survive your ordeal, you would be well-advised to review your decision to go marching about the bleak countryside in the middle of the night, and resolve not to do so in future, if it can at all be avoided

• P
• Q
• R
• S
• T
• U
• V

This episode was recorded on the 7th October 2010. A complete transcript of this episode can be found on Frank Key’s Hooting Yard website. Accompanying Hooting Yard On The Air, the five publications We Were Puny, They Were Vapid, Gravitas, Punctilio, Rectitude & Pippy Bags, Unspeakable Desolation Pouring Down From The Stars, Befuddled By Cormorants and Inpugned By A Peasant And Other Stories are available for purchase

Over the years I have watched various crew members of ships, from Rear Admirals to barnacle scrapers, perform all sorts of baffling physical manoeuvres, and not once have I thought any of it fitted the definition of jiggery-pokery, except on one occasion when I was aboard a very sinister ship which sailed into a clammy mist, in which all sorts of ugly shenanigans took place until, at the last, I was marooned, with several other paying passengers, upon a remote atoll, populated only by squelchy creeping things, and bereft of paper and pencils and writing desks and panels of adamantine hardness.

H Pt. 02

I

J

K

L

M

N

O

This episode was recorded on the 30th September 2010. A complete transcript of this episode can be found on Frank Key’s Hooting Yard website. Accompanying Hooting Yard On The Air, the five publications We Were Puny, They Were Vapid, Gravitas, Punctilio, Rectitude & Pippy Bags, Unspeakable Desolation Pouring Down From The Stars, Befuddled By Cormorants and Inpugned By A Peasant And Other Stories are available for purchase

You shall knit tea-cosies and scarves and miscellaneous woolies, and at the very instant they are completed, they shall unravel and you will knit them again from scratch. From dawn until dusk and through the cold dark horrors of the night, you shall knit much like Sisyphus hopelessly pushing his boulder uphill. As he gaped to watch it roll down to the bottom of that hill, so shall you see your knitting unravel until all you have to show for your toil is a tangled skein of wool, wool you must knit again and again into a tea cosy or a scarf or a wooly. The only sound in your chamber shall be the interminable clack clack of your knitting needles.

• A
• B
• C
• D
• E
• F
• G
• H Pt. 01

This episode was recorded on the 23th September 2010. A complete transcript of this episode can be found on Frank Key’s Hooting Yard website. Accompanying Hooting Yard On The Air, the five publications We Were Puny, They Were Vapid, Gravitas, Punctilio, Rectitude & Pippy Bags, Unspeakable Desolation Pouring Down From The Stars, Befuddled By Cormorants and Inpugned By A Peasant And Other Stories are available for purchase

(This episode features  a weird crackling sound)

Ahoy there, Frank!

I thought you might be interested to hear about the little routine I have devised for myself to help me winkle out the deep and deeper meanings of your many and various postages. This is what I do. As soon as I have finished reading, I get up from my chair and go straight to the bathroom, wherein I fill the sink with ice cold water, steep in it a towel, and then wrap the towel tight about my head. This is to prevent my brain from overheating. I next gargle with Dr Baxter’s Effervescent & Volatile Gargling Fluid, and cut a few capers while gargling, though the vigour of my capers is constrained somewhat by the cramped dimensions of my bathroom.

• Sword Of Wisdom
• Jars And Moss
• Carry Me Down
• Words And Meaning
• Pointy Town Drinking Dens
• Cornish Light

This episode was recorded on the 16th September 2010. A complete transcript of this episode can be found on Frank Key’s Hooting Yard website. Accompanying Hooting Yard On The Air, the five publications We Were Puny, They Were Vapid, Gravitas, Punctilio, Rectitude & Pippy Bags, Unspeakable Desolation Pouring Down From The Stars, Befuddled By Cormorants and Inpugned By A Peasant And Other Stories are available for purchase

The very next day, a few miles inland in the awful little village of Gack, he killed a monkey-trainer named Perkins, and made such a racket while doing so that dozens of police cars screeched up to the hovel wherein the fell deed was done. The coppers formed a ring of steel around the hovel and waited for the maniac to emerge. Hours passed. Eventually, Detective Captain Cargpan himself, Babinsky’s Nemesis, strode to the door and banged his big blackbegloved fist upon it. It opened, and there in the fetid gloom stood the picturesque, striking-looking parson, the Reverend John Chippendall Montesquieu Bellew, whose head of hair was like a great ball of spun white silk.

• Your Ogsby Packaging
• With My Siphon And Funnel (accompanist: Daisy Dormer-Court)
• Origins Of Innit
• Pious Purposes In The Islands
• Comprehension Test
• Babinsky, Master of Disguise
• Gethsemane Picnic Time
• Trenchmore & The Cushion Dance

Musical Interludes Provided Throughout By: Daisy Dormer-Court.

This episode was recorded on the 9th September 2010. A complete transcript of this episode can be found on Frank Key’s Hooting Yard website. Accompanying Hooting Yard On The Air, the five publications We Were Puny, They Were Vapid, Gravitas, Punctilio, Rectitude & Pippy Bags, Unspeakable Desolation Pouring Down From The Stars, Befuddled By Cormorants and Inpugned By A Peasant And Other Stories are available for purchase

Curpin tracked down reports of locust swarms. He honked twice, slipped beneath the sea, went to work on a huge pile of food, and tore up lettuce, his pouch unfolding. His rattling became a sizzling. Even the nearby gravel-crushers were keenly aware of Curpin’s bone finger ring, embedded in mud. Gently, in order not to raise clouds of ooze, he blocked its incredible roped sledge and ox-hoof. Caught in a fish-hook curve, or pumped into the expensive bicycle crates, he touched up the ginger facade, decked his troublesome horse, and tampered no more with the tin roof. In fear and chaos, under a bridge or a water-tower, he became dusty blue with age. [Clears throat.]

• A Lecture Delivered In The Big Tent At Hoon
• The Hapless Bivalve!
• The Glimpsed Cases of Sherlock Holmes
• Dr Johnson, Duck Killer

This episode was recorded on the 2nd September 2010. A complete transcript of this episode can be found on Frank Key’s Hooting Yard website. Accompanying Hooting Yard On The Air, the five publications We Were Puny, They Were Vapid, Gravitas, Punctilio, Rectitude & Pippy Bags, Unspeakable Desolation Pouring Down From The Stars, Befuddled By Cormorants and Inpugned By A Peasant And Other Stories are available for purchase

In 1821, for unfathomable reasons, Jarvis Greasecollar’s star waned, and not a theatre in the land would stage, nor cobble, one of his productions. He fell out with Swausage, endured a mysterious calamity in yet another seaside town, and his wife ran off with a dapper gentleman of foreign extraction. Years later, she was to play a shadowy role as a counter-revolutionary in the revolutionary turmoil that engulfed a continent.

• Looking For Love (Not Posted at Hooting Yard)
• The Fatal  Dowry
• A Purblind Ultra-Crepidarian
• Ticking Off Hitchens

This episode was recorded on the 12th August 2010. A complete transcript of this episode can be found on Frank Key’s Hooting Yard website. Accompanying Hooting Yard On The Air, the five publications We Were Puny, They Were Vapid, Gravitas, Punctilio, Rectitude & Pippy Bags, Unspeakable Desolation Pouring Down From The Stars, Befuddled By Cormorants and Inpugned By A Peasant And Other Stories are available for purchase

I tore up the few puny pages of prose I had written about hay in nosebags, and instead submitted to the magazine a piece about swill for pigs. Alas, later that day, listening to the news on the wireless in the clinic’s rumpus room, I learned that the skyscraper housing the offices of Beasts Of Barnyard And Field had collapsed after attack by woodworm and weevils and tiny, tiny beings that bore through cement, and the magazine had ceased publication. Ha!, I thought, I am not going to let that stop me. And it has not.

• On Sawdust Bridge, Harangued.
• Gack Versus Cashew
• Hay In Nosebags
• Pliny’s Parrot
• Tiny Enid’s Unhatched God Egg

This episode was recorded on the 5th August 2010. A complete transcript of this episode can be found on Frank Key’s Hooting Yard website. Accompanying Hooting Yard On The Air, the five publications We Were Puny, They Were Vapid, Gravitas, Punctilio, Rectitude & Pippy Bags, Unspeakable Desolation Pouring Down From The Stars, Befuddled By Cormorants and Inpugned By A Peasant And Other Stories are available for purchase

I might be forced to take refuge in the dingly dell hotel. In the normal run of things, of course, I avoid it. Sometimes, while gathering my nuts and fruits, I come close to the hotel car park, and hide behind a shrub. I have seen the major domo of the hotel striding purposefully across the car park, even making his way into the dingly dell itself, where he stops and sits on a log and smokes a cigarette.

• The Soutane-Attired Nemesis of Sea Monsters
• Lupins?
• The Hermit of the Dingly Dell
• Swoons, Shudders, Convulsions & Dread
• Hamstrung, Pointy & Downcast.
• Pippy Bag Project
• Teeth and Sparrows
• Pitiful Flotsam

This episode was recorded on the 29th July 2010. A complete transcript of this episode can be found on Frank Key’s Hooting Yard website. Accompanying Hooting Yard On The Air, the five publications We Were Puny, They Were Vapid, Gravitas, Punctilio, Rectitude & Pippy Bags, Unspeakable Desolation Pouring Down From The Stars, Befuddled By Cormorants and Inpugned By A Peasant And Other Stories are available for purchase