I’ve been reading and enjoying, but honestly, it’s hard enough keeping up with the people I know in real life, much less with blog friends. As much as I love the blogosphere, real-life relationships have to come first… but I do comment and respond when I can. Since you were all worried.

I keep waiting for things to calm down a little, but if anything they’ve gotten crazier in the past month – except that Eliza has started having much better evenings, which makes all the difference (especially when she’s up half the night, like last night).

I’m really enjoying reading myself to sleep like I used to do when I was younger, and I can’t believe how many books I can finish that way. Here are the ones I’ve completed since my last update, and here’s my rating system:

***** Loved it, would definitely read again
**** Liked it, would recommend
*** It was OK
** Didn’t like it
* Hated it

Protecting the Gift, Gavin de Becker ****

In the follow-up to the bestselling The Gift of Fear (I shared my thoughts in this entry), de Becker shares how intuition and risk assessment can be used as a parent. Although it too includes some disturbing stories, I found it very useful and informative, and I think it would be beneficial for any parent to read.

I’ll Cross the River, C. Hope Flinchbaugh ****

This third book in the trilogy featuring Mei Lin, a Christian in China’s persecuted church, was an inspiring and heartbreaking look into both evangelism in China and life in the restricted nation of North Korea. It’s not a feel-good story, and it doesn’t have the most sparkling prose or well-paced story arc, but it’s still riveting and convicting. There were a couple of theological issues I had with it (a chapter on heaven that wasn’t very biblical, and the pervasiveness of female preachers), but I would definitely recommend it.

Sunrise on the Battery, Beth Webb Hart *****

This book was a pleasant surprise. Beth Webb Hart is one of my favorite Christian authors because she writes very well and weaves a deftly written story. Sunrise on the Battery was well-written also, but the storyline about Christianity and what it means to be a radical believer was unexpected (since her previous novels were more general on the topic of faith). I loved it.

I’m coming out on the other side of “two under 2.” Christian’s birthday is in a couple of weeks, and Eliza’s almost 4 months old. We’re definitely done with the newborn stage, and Christian has matured a lot too since Eliza was born.

Big, Fat Disclaimer to start this post: I have very little figured out. And getting through each day is really about relying on the Lord and His grace, not having some sort of perfect routine.

However… I do love reading other moms’ practical tips (try these and these), so I thought I would link up with Works for Me Wednesday for the first time, in order to share a few hints that have helped me manage.

1) Cook way ahead of time. Waiting until the “witching hour” (which is basically the last two hours before Daddy comes home) when everyone is tired and cranky is pretty much the worst thing you can do. I usually do as much as I can during Eliza’s morning nap while Christian plays independently (or hangs on my leg whining). I also try to cook in batches, so if I’m browning turkey I’ll do the whole package and then divide it up. Crockpot meals are great too of course. This enables us to go outside during the witching hour instead.

2) Make those tandem naps happen. It can be really hard some days, but I think it’s worth it. This has been the biggest challenge for me to trust the Lord in when it doesn’t happen, so I’m not saying force it obviously, but I do try. Lindsey had some great advice on how to do it in the post I linked above. Now that Eliza takes a consistent morning and afternoon nap, I just make sure she’s awake by 11 at the latest so she can go down around 12:30 or 1:00 with Christian. And I don’t mind changing his naptime up a little so they can sleep at the same time.

3) Use snack time strategically. My biggest challenge has been the fact that Christian can’t be trusted near Eliza without direct (as in six inches away) supervision. This obviously makes it difficult to do… well, anything, since she doesn’t take long naps. So since I have to guard her the rest of the time, whenever he’s confined in his chair for a snack, I put her on a quilt on the floor and wash dishes. That’s the only thing that keeps those dishes from piling up to the ceiling.

4) The best cleaning tips I found. I read this post on Biblical Homemaking a few weeks ago: Create Your Perfect Cleaning Schedule. A guest author shared her top three routines for keeping control of the chaos. In a less busy season, these things wouldn’t be a problem, but they’ve helped me immensely since I read them because I can’t keep the whole house easily picked up like I used to.

Anyone relate to these ideas, or have some of your own to share?

“When I had only one child, she was so heavy.  Now I can see that children are as light as air.  They float past you, nudging against you like balloons as they ascend.”

“It’s becoming easier, and it will be easier still. They are passing me by.”

“I’m broken in. There’s no collision of worlds.”

“Dear mother, don’t worry about enjoying your life. Your life is hard; your life will be hard. That doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong—it means you’re doing it right.”

(All quotes by Simcha Fisher, linked by Arielle)

You give up so much of yourself to become a mother – first, your body; then your sleep and every little bit of time you used to call yours. “Me time” is squeezed and poked into the corners of naptime and bedtime (when those happen).

All your little rituals? They revolve around someone else now. You can’t just get up, take a shower and get ready for the day, and eat breakfast the way you used to.

When you wake up, there is a beautiful baby wanting to be fed. A baby who needs attention and interaction. And who might start crying while you’re in the shower, so you tend to her with dripping wet hair after you get out, and suddenly it’s 11 a.m. and your second cup of coffee is lukewarm on the counter and you realize you never even brushed your teeth, much less put makeup on.

For me and many others (maybe not for everyone), that first baby is such a shock… the small, steady boundaries of your life merge with another’s at every point, and the identity shift feels strange at times. Being mama is like wearing a new skin.

I can’t speak for anyone else… maybe this comes more naturally for some… but one key to feeling comfortable in that new skin for me has been learning what it means to be fully nurturing. To have my whole finite purpose and goal for the time being involve seeing these little people clean, fed, loved, played with, and taught… and knowing that I’m serving Jesus by serving them. To tuck them into bed at night knowing they’re well cared for, and have that be my marker of a well-spent day.

It’s surprising sometimes how much joy that brings.

I didn’t read this book because I’m going on a diet. It’s not really a diet book, anyway. Instead it describes the eat-clean lifestyle.

"Clean food is anything nutritious that is as close as possible to how it occurs in nature” (p. 256). Reno focuses on lean protein, whole grains, vegetables, and fruit. She advocates eating five or six small meals per day, each including a lean protein and a complex carb.

I’ve been eating this way more and more over the past several months. It wasn’t a plan. I became interested in clean eating after Eliza was born, while I was posting in an online food journaling group, and seeing the way other people incorporated clean foods into their lifestyle.

I’ll share a little of my history with food: I’ve never been overweight, but my weight has gone up and down, especially during college while I was drinking soda and eating cafeteria food and lots of late-night snacks. To me, healthy eating meant cutting calories. But of course, focusing only on restriction isn’t very sustainable, so I would always quickly go back to my old habits.

When I married A.J., I learned a lot of healthy eating basics from him – eating whole wheat instead of white flour, using natural peanut butter, and keeping an eye on sodium intake. For the most part, though, I continued eating whatever I felt like until I was pregnant with Eliza.

I realized that as I continued to get older and go through pregnancies, I wasn’t going to be able to eat whatever I wanted without physical consequences. As I became more interested in exercise, I wanted to learn to eat well too.

Several months later, I wanted to read The Eat-Clean Diet because I’d heard it mentioned so many times and knew it was a good overview. I don’t and won’t follow its “rules” exactly. Rather than eating identical small meals, I tend to eat three bigger meals and two smaller snacks. I don’t time my meals or plan them rigidly. I don’t stress out if every meal and snack doesn’t include protein. And I definitely don’t eat perfectly!

But what I do is avoid processed foods as much as possible and focus on a daily balance of lean protein, whole grains, fruits, and veggies. I plan out our dinners, but for breakfast, lunch, and snacks I just choose from the clean foods I keep on hand.

The Eat-Clean Diet is a good introduction to clean eating, and I enjoyed all the scientific explanations of why it’s good for your body. But honestly, I learned a lot more from reading blogs and online food journaling. Reading just this book might make you feel like you have to do it her way, but I’ve seen people “eat clean” many different ways – something I’m sure the author would agree with.

And a side note: eating clean does not have to be expensive or complicated. I have some wish list foods that I would eat regularly if they were cheaper, like almond butter and chia seeds. But pricey products aren’t necessary. And eating this way is very simple when it’s part of a routine.

To finish up, here are a few blogs that have helped me learn more about clean eating:

The Gracious Pantry
Think Pretty Thoughts
Clean Eating Chelsea (gluten-free)
Oh She Glows (vegan)

I’m writing from the comfort of my living room couch, where a sweet baby (who just woke up from her second brief catnap of the day) is smiling at me from her glider. Normally I wouldn’t be blogging while she’s awake, but since there are very few waking hours in the day when she and her older brother are asleep simultaneously, I allow myself to be distracted sometimes if she seems content (and I’m hoping she’ll fall back asleep).

My little 12-hour-a-night sleeper has definitely regressed. I knew it would happen. She wakes up after she goes to bed, she wakes up in the middle of the night, she wakes up early in the morning. Thus, I’m actually more tired now than I was when she was a few weeks old.

Plus there’s the cumulative effect of sleep deprivation, the sense of isolation, the cramped and anxious feeling of not having guaranteed alone time to recharge, and this recent struggle to just barely keep ahead of depression, as if it’s a dog nipping at my heels.

I read a blog post the other day about trying to write while sleep deprived, and the author compared it to driving through fog. That phrase brought to mind vivid reminiscences of our trip to Ohio, which included a scary, middle-of-the-night trek over foggy, curving mountain highways, barely able to see ahead to the next bend.

I told A.J. yesterday that’s how I’ve felt for the past couple of weeks. Through the haze of sleep deprivation and taking care of endless needs, it’s as if I can barely see what’s ahead. I certainly can’t see any practical relief in the near future. I just do what’s there. What’s right in front of me. Over and over again.

God leads me to cry out to Him in times like these. Often that’s after my terrible, selfish attitude is revealed. Clearly I think I have a right to an easy life. And that’s the exact opposite of what His Word tells me.

Not only do my “trials” stem from great blessings (a husband, children, health, a home, the option of not working), but they are so, so small compared to what I might be facing. It’s not a cliché to say that – it’s the truth, and in considering my trials joy, I have to also remember that they are small – that God wants to show me His faithfulness and sufficiency in these little but relentless steps of dying to myself every day.

Meanwhile, I’ve managed to cram in some reading during my almost nonexistent free time. A $5 book light has helped a lot, so I can read before I go to sleep (since Eliza still sleeps in our room). Here are my most recent reads:

Daughter of China, C. Hope Flinchbaugh [reread] *****

This small novel is a glimpse into China’s persecuted church. Mei Lin is a teenage Christian who ends up imprisoned for her faith. Although I would’ve enjoyed more glimpses into the characters’ inner lives rather than just a recounting of events, the story is still a moving and seemingly honest portrayal of believers in a restricted nation. I love the way the believers treasure copies of Scripture and their time of fellowship together. Daughter of China has far more worthwhile content than many other Christian novels.

The Gift of Fear, Gavin de Becker ***

Based on Amy’s summary of de Becker’s book Protecting the Gift, I picked up this book about violence, intuition, and the role fear plays in self-protection. I enjoyed the first part of the book, which discusses how intuition works, and gives indicators of behavior that may lead to a crime. I appreciated de Becker’s explanation that most violence is not random or without warning, and that worry can be a signal of intuition but is often simply an unproductive choice – while fear is a legitimate, involuntary, and useful response to an actual risk. However, because of the disturbing real-life examples used and a couple instances of strong language, I wouldn’t recommend The Gift of Fear.

Remembering You, Tricia Goyer (unfinished)

I found this book in the library’s new release section and read the first five chapters hoping it would be an interesting glimpse into World War II history through a contemporary lens. But I just couldn’t get past the tame romance novel feel, with phrases like, “He… glanced at her with those sexy, dark eyes,” and, “He forced a small smile, but it was still beautiful to her. More beautiful than the Paris skyline beyond.” (I have, though, enjoyed some of Tricia Goyer’s historical novels, like Arms of Deliverance and Dawn of a Thousand Nights.)

That’s all for now… I hope you have a great weekend.

Any mother will probably relate to the scenario I’m about to describe. This morning at about 9:00 am (having been up since 5:45 except for a 15-minute snooze), I sat down to eat my bowl of oatmeal. The baby, whom I had just put down for her nap, started to cry in her bassinet.

So I went back to put her pacifier in, and when I came out Christian was standing in the middle of the living room holding two eggs and gently tapping them together (note to self: replace broken fridge lock).

I managed to finish the rest of my breakfast in between running back and forth putting the baby’s pacifier in, but she ended up being inconsolable and I took her out to comfort her. Meanwhile, Christian climbed into his high chair, which was accessible because I had taken the dirty breakfast tray off and hadn’t had a chance to wash it yet.

He was unable to get out and sat there crying while I was trying to rock Eliza back to sleep. I got him out and for the next two hours, I tried various methods to get Eliza down for her normal morning nap. She held out like a champion (albeit a very unhappy one) the entire time.

Finally, she exhibited a possible concrete purpose for her insomnia, and I went to change her in Christian’s room. I heard him open the fridge and after stabilizing Eliza’s situation I went to investigate.

I found him yet again standing in the living room holding two eggs. I tried to take them, and although he’s usually cooperative when I take forbidden objects away, this time (possibly feeling neglected by my divided attention all morning), he threw himself on the floor screaming, and in the process cracked an egg all over the carpet.

Right now he’s eating a sandwich while I quickly type out this chronicle so I don’t forget to laugh at it later. Eliza’s still wide awake, hanging out in her glider. The mystery insomnia continues. But naptime approaches, and although I haven’t combed my hair or washed the dishes, I think overall this morning could’ve gone worse. Don’t you?

****
Nancy Wilson’s Praise Her in the Gates is a collection of thoughts on various aspects of Christian motherhood, including education, domesticity, traditions, and everyday family life.

I believe many of the chapters were culled from previous writing Nancy had done, resulting in a somewhat disjointed flow. The tone is very didactic (should is probably the most overused word in the book), and Nancy is a bit polarizing in her convictions about certain areas of raising children – for example, she doesn’t even list public school (“government school”) as a viable option for Christian families.

However, I did enjoy it because of the many gems of wisdom scattered throughout the pages – specifically, practical suggestions and repeated reminders of the importance of self-sacrificing love and tender care for our children.

{For my 2012 reads series, I’m going to do what Amy does and follow Amazon’s rating system:

***** Loved it, would definitely read again
**** Liked it, would recommend
*** It was OK
** Didn’t like it
* Hated it}

I failed dismally at my 2011 reading list. (Out of 18 books, I finished 7.) I blame it on getting pregnant at the beginning of the year, being miserably sick for awhile, and then having all the busyness of the newborn season.

I used to post book reviews regularly, and although I don’t plan on doing that this year, I would like to write a few quick thoughts whenever I finish a book, as a way to keep track of what I’m reading and share it with you.

And while I don’t have a formal reading list for the year, I do have several books in queue right now. The only one I’ve finished so far is Loving the Little Years, which I already posted about.

Here’s my informal list. The titles with asterisks are in progress.

Devotional:
Purity, Lydia Brownback*
A Basket of Summer Fruit, Susannah Spurgeon

Nonfiction:
Praise Her in the Gates, Nancy Wilson*
Give Them Grace, Elyse Fitzpatrick*
The Hidden Art of Homemaking, Edith Schaeffer
The Gospel and Personal Evangelism, Mark Dever (reread)
A couple of clean eating books by Tosca Reno

Fiction:
Daughter of China, C. Hope Flinchbaugh* (reread)
Perpetua, Amy Rachel Peterson (reread)
Far from Here, Nicole Baart
Entwined, Heather Dixon (after I saw it on Danielle’s 2011 list)

I hope to keep you updated. What’s on your reading list for the year?

Face to the ground, I’m not proud
Of all You must see when You look at me
I tremble at first as You wash the dirt
The dirt from my feet
And I see my need for Thee

You lift me up, Holy One, Holy One
When I but come, You’re enough, You’re enough
You fill me up with Your love, with Your love
To You I run, Holy One, Holy One

~*~

{hanging out in her glider while I fixed lunch this morning}

Gratefulness is a powerful antidote to discouragement. This morning as I washed the breakfast dishes (at 10 am, in my pj’s), I sensed God reminding me of the blessings of being a full-time homemaker – not having to leave my little ones; listening to worship music throughout the day; answering to my husband instead of an employer; not having to clock in every morning!

~*~

I just tried to make this, and it sure didn’t turn out like the pictures:

{photo & recipe: pumpkin spice latte for one}

But for the most part, I’ve loved the recipes on Katie’s blog – it’s a healthy dessert blog, and I’ve tried the pumpkin chocolate chip muffin and the carrot cake milkshake and they were both so good.

~*~

To finish up, here are some pictures from the past few weeks:

{at my parents’ house over the holidays}

{lemons beat out Christmas presents for his toy of choice during our visit}

{four generations: my nana, mamma, me, and Eliza}

{you can tell we live in Florida… short sleeves in December}

{A.J. and Christian eating lunch… Christian’s talking on an imaginary phone}

{Little clingy baby… she has a cold}

Well, someone decided she’d prefer to stay up and hang out with me rather than finish her nap, so I’m off for now. Happy New Year, a little late!

Last year I came up with a word to mark 2011, and to be honest, I forgot about it pretty quickly. I found out I was pregnant in late January, and the rest of the year has been a roller coaster ride.

It’s hard to talk about how intensely difficult this season is without sounding (or being) ungrateful for the incredible gift of two sweet, healthy children. But it is very intense. And it’s tempting to feel like I’m losing myself when I think, “New Year’s resolutions? Seriously? My resolution is to get the breakfast dishes done and fold laundry. The end.”

Rachel Jankovic’s Loving the Little Years was a big encouragement to me last week. I got it for Christmas and finished it in one afternoon (while A.J. was home, and mostly during naptime, in case you’re wondering how I managed to pull that off).

I do have a couple of informal goals for the year, now that I think about it. One is related to Bible reading, and the other to blogging. I want to continue writing here at least twice a week, even if it’s nothing special.

Mamas of little ones who know this intense season I’m talking about – what are/were your coping mechanisms? And please tell me that the days eventually have a little more breathing room!