Horn Not Ok Please

New Car Sticker

2010-10-09T05:24:00.000-07:00

Honking doesn't give you wings, Red Bull does!

For all those who have tried the "why don't you fly over me" when someone honks, in vain, this is a new remedy.

Need a hand to make it through this drive

2010-06-01T21:33:00.001-07:00

Presenting to you the miracle drivers of India - With one hand constantly honking and the other hand holding a blessed mobile phone, they are the devil disguised as drivers. I hope I survive this drive.

Drown it out

2010-05-27T23:00:00.000-07:00

So, these are the top 3 songs in my I pod that help me drown out the incessant honking between Bandra and Andheri.

Oasis - Stand by me (especially the guitar opening)

Hoobastank - Reason

Pearl Jam - Last Kiss

If you can't beat them or shoot them, shut them out!

Praying for what?

2010-05-22T22:52:00.000-07:00

Discovered something that's arguably even worse than pointless, endless honking last evening.
Temple festivals.
Sundry speakers line the road blaring crackly, tuneless, supposedly relgious tunes. Morons, their thinking further impaired by the blaring music, set off Red Forts by the dozen.
And then they pray for peace.

Ironic

2010-05-13T22:19:00.000-07:00

This is what I noticed in the blog today. There are ads for "Horns" in our "Horn Not Ok Please" blog.

What the hell was Google thinking?

My mistake - Trying to make 50 cents in 3 months through blogging.

Google's BIG Mistake - Having absolutely no common sense when it comes to their Ad sense.

Out goes all ads from my Blog.

One tight slap

2010-05-06T06:06:00.000-07:00

Honk honk honk honk honk.

I was stuck in an auto with a car behind me. One of those cars which had a driver and a man in the backseat. Air-con. Windows up. Can't hear what is going on outside. No conscience.I got out of the auto, went to the drivers window and gave the window one tight slap. My hand hurt a bit. But, it felt so good. Almost as if I had slapped the driver. The man was so stunned he stopped honking and rolled down the window to yell.

I put my I-pod plugs on and told him its a hearing aid thanks to him.

Guess he got the point.

Try it. Its therapeutic.

Feel the breeze -- and lose your hearing

2010-03-21T06:17:00.000-07:00

Wind your window down for a day, even 10 minutes, and drive.

And you'll always think thrice before you horn.

Blare and Stare

2009-08-10T23:51:00.000-07:00

Just felt the need to let out some steam...

Situation: Im in a taxi, having eaten an orange for breakfast, desperately looking out of the window for a dustbin to dump the peels.

Taxi driver: Pulls over after 4 kms, having sighted a bin (Whats the point in having Shah Rukh ads about cleanliness next to godliness and treat the streets as your own home when you cant find a goddamn dustbin)

Me: Getting off the taxi to throw the peels.

Rich man in big car: Stops his car the size of a damn ship behind the taxi and blares the horn non-stop till I jump out of my skin and then run into the taxi.

Taxidriver: Chewing his paan and doesn't really care about the noise pollution or anything for that matter.

Rich man in big car: Overtakes taxi with this air or arrogance, still honking. Then, turns around to give this 'Bollywood-villian' deeeeeeep stare. This particular stare signifies "Im the king cause I drive something more bling" and "I dont care... the horn will blares... I will stare... you cant say anything, you wouldn't dare"

Me: Disgusted. Almost deaf. Sick of honking.

Six months on the road

2009-07-08T03:02:00.000-07:00

Koushik Udayashankar's spent six months without using a horn -- yes, it is possible:

I finished work one evening and hopped onto Vroomie (my best girl) [yes, he really has named his Thunderbird Vroomie, we still love you, anyway, UK] to get home. An idiot got in my way -- one of those always always seem to. Of course, I honked at him, loudly and vigorously. Except that all I got was a wheeze. I wondered about it but kept driving. I soon got home and all was forgotten.

The next morning, another idiot almost run over - again, there was just silence when I tried to honk at the fool who’d tried to send me to jail. I was officially worried now, and got off to find Vroomie looking a tad pale. My horn was hanging by a wire and it looked like someone had nicked it while it was parked. Grrrr.

There began my quest to see if I could survive the madness of our roads without a horn. And it has been six months. Six glorious months of no blaring horns from Vroomie, not even a squeak. I still press the button when I need to honk and the silence is so much louder. My dependence on the pass light has increased and I am quite amazed that people seem to respect it more. It lets me pass while people wait, it lets me overtake from the right, it lets me overtake from the left, it even screams idiot when someone gets in my way. Silence, I guess, is sometimes so much louder than words.

Even better, I am a more careful rider now. Not having a horn comes with added responsibility; with the knowledge that the guy in front cannot see or hear you, that the old lady crossing the road probably can't hear you anyway.

I am certainly not proposing that we go around breaking horns off people's bikes. The challenge of not using a horn is certainly fun and it would do world-stress a huge favour but responsibility comes at a cost - the cost of peaceful motoring - something that isn't for the weak hearted.

[SmalNote: Give not honking a shot -- just for today]

I cant believe I am saying this....

2009-02-28T04:33:00.000-08:00

Ive been away from India for 6 months almost and I miss the honking! Only missing home can do this to you. I would love to wake up one day to the ridiculous honking of Pali mala road.

Who owes who?

2008-08-13T21:54:00.000-07:00

This morning, I came up with a unique way to address the honking issue of auto drivers. I took an auto from Pali naka to Bandra reclamation - Those not aware of the distance - Its hardly 1.5 kms. This ride takes around 5 minutes without traffic and 10 with traffic. On reaching my destination, I told the guy looks at me and tells me - "Atara" (18 Rs). In return, I told him - "Appko paanch rupaya mujhe dena padega - Kyunki aapne Theyees (23) baar horn mara aur har baar jab horn maarte ho, uske liye 1 rupaya aapko dena padega".

The guy was zapped completely.. But, I think he got the point. After a few seconds, giving him time to recover from the shock, I paid him 18 Rs. and left. But, i think this would have created a good impact.

Please don't honk

2008-08-05T00:36:00.000-07:00

The new version of Hear No Evil ... Please don't Honk !

New signage in Bombay

2008-08-04T04:18:00.000-07:00

Just noticed a car in Bombay with a sign "Honk if you love Jesus". Christ - Who the hell makes these stickers?

Honking Allowance or Horn Quota

2008-06-23T02:28:00.000-07:00

Was thinking of approaching the traffic police and writing a petition to the Automobile association of India (maybe thats not even an organisation) about a concept called Honking Allowance. And for the benefit of the masses, it shall be called Horn Quota.

Basically, every vehicle that is manufactured henceforth, would have a honking tracking device, which would disable the horn after the driver has used it 30 times. 30 is a generous allowance - 1 honk per day. After the horn gets disabled, the driver can use it only the next month. Basically, that would have 1st of every month unbearable and the rest of the month potentially no honking days.

For vehicles that already exist, a honking quota certificate needs to be issued from the nearest petrol pump. Like you have a PUC for pollution, why not a HUC (honking under control) for noise pollution.

If any of you think there is merit in this idea, do get in touch with me through comments and lets get started on this proposal.

Honking is not a substitute for the doorbell or the cellphone

2008-06-19T09:53:00.001-07:00

A newly discovered pain area... Honking outside my building..

Guys come and honk outside my building as a signal to draw the attention of a 2nd floor resident.
Well... have you heard of parking the car and walking two flights up and ringing the door bell. If thats difficult, how about calling the person using a mobile phone.

I am planning to keep egg's or buckets of water next to my window sill. One of these 2 things shall fly down towards the car, the next time I hear a 'paan paan pa pa paan'.
`

Why did I start this blog...

2008-05-14T04:17:00.001-07:00

Well... here are some of the reasons why I started this blog..

I cant keep the windows in my living room, kitchen or bedroom open and I am forced to live in recirculated air all day long, because opening the window makes me feel like I am living in a traffic signal.

Even before I reach office (a huge reason for stress), I am stressed beyond belief with just the 10 minute commute...

The first thing I tell an auto driver when I get into the auto is "Bhaiya... horn mat kijiye... aaram se chaliye... koi jaldi nahin"..

My friends tell me that very soon, every auto-rickshaw in India will have a small photograph of mine instead of the horn out of fear..

I land up taking a minimum of 2 autos when I have a 30 minute ride as no auto lasts for more than 15 minutes with my lecture on honking...

I really have felt the strong urge to take out a gun and shoot many people on the road... especially those driving really expensive cars (which look like they are sound proof on the inside) honking away to glory, not realising that those outside can actually hear...

I started noting down the license numbers of those who honk everyday on the way to work.. I had this crazy idea of starting a website to track these vehicles down and fining them... or even better, putting them through one of my lectures on honking..

Ive traveled and seen places where honking is considered rude and people follow traffic rules... and I just dont understand why people here just dont get it..

I am sick of meeting Firangs who are constantly referring to India as the Land of Honking Vehicles...

I practice what I preach.. I never ever ever honk....

So.. spread the word... tell people to leave 10 minutes early whenever they are driving instead of honking their way through traffic.. tell them to be more patient.. tell them that honking is rude... tell them they may be deaf very soon.... tell them whatever you feel but ensure they dont honk!