(out of 4)

Last year's Halloween Horror Nights was better.

Using a numerology gimmick in the style of The Number 23, Darren Lynn Bousman’s supernatural thriller 11-11-11 comes across as a sloppy, rushed mishmash of various other horror movies before presenting a M. Night Shyamalan-inspired ending that, truth be told, I kinda liked. But to get there, we have to get through silly dialogue, bizarre editing choices, and so-called demons straight out of the cheesiest haunted house ride this side of Halloween Horror Nights. I appreciate that Bousman wanted to move away from his torture porn trilogy of Saw 2/3/4, but he isn’t ready to deliver this kind of slow-burning supernatural thriller, which seems chaotic even though not much happens in the first two-thirds of the running time, the film barely crawling its way out of the quicksand of preposterous plot developments, excessive exposition, washed-out colors, and scenes derivative of much better films. Still, this isn’t anywhere as disagreeable as reviews suggest; there’s something interesting going on here, even though we’re all aware that the only reason this movie exists in the first place is to take advantage of the then-approaching date of November 11, 2011.

Um, you said that haunted house actors wouldn't touch!

11-11-11 concerns a highly successful fiction novelist named Joseph Crone (a stiff Timothy Gibbs) who lost his wife and son in a fire started by one of his crazed fans. Having lost his faith in God and religion, he is summoned to Barcelona by his priest-brother Samuel (Michael Landes) to see his dying father, who speaks ominously (“They’re coming for you!”). It doesn’t help that Joseph starts seeing demons everywhere, like Jacob’s Ladder but without the frightening parts. There’s also the numerous appearances of the number 11, or 11-11. Samuel’s security system seems to capture strange ghostly images that show up every night around 11:11pm (Isn’t that really 23:11? Never mind). Soon, Joseph becomes convinced that he has been chosen to protect Samuel from harm, believing that his brother may be some kind of savior of humanity.

7 + 1 + 3 = 11 !! I get it! Brilliant !!

The movie makes references to the 11:11 phenomenon and various groups dedicated to the idea that the number 11 has major significance and portends an otherworldly spiritual connection. Bousman also makes references to The Shining (there’s a hedge-maze and an ending set in a spooky Spanish mansion which evokes Wendy’s run through the Overlook – even the music seems stolen), The Seventh Sign, The Omen, Lost Souls, Rosemary’s Baby – you name it. There’s not too much original here, in other words, but I did like how Bousman seems to be commenting on how people can misinterpret signs. Of course, Joseph can’t be blamed for misinterpreting his signs – without trying to ruin the ending, I’ll humbly ask why the angels in the film look and act the way they do, without offering any clear messages that the receiver might interpret properly. When the credits roll, you might ask why they even bothered, since they seem to have done more harm than good. But I digress.

The wrong way to repair a light fixture.

Dialogue is overly expository and redundant. Joseph questions his faith out loud and uses variations of “maybe I’m just crazy” too many times for comfort. There’s also something very funny about how the characters sound when they speak “11-11-11″ over and over again. Most of the film seems rushed, especially in the way scenes are edited together, in what I can only describe as some sort of cut-up method. For example, the camera is on a person and suddenly there is an abrupt change to that person in a different position, maybe in the next room (as if frames of the film were cut out). This confusing editing style ruins the slow-buildup that the movie intends to perform leading to the final act. I also got a feeling that important things were left out (especially concerning Wendy Glenn’s character Sadie, who doesn’t get enough screen time). A scene with a character collecting photos and singling out one in particular leads you to believe that there’s something important about that photo, but we are never shown it. Finally, the monsters – not shown in clear detail – range from ok-looking to laugh-inducing.

"Yeah, but I've already seen Paranormal Activity."

It seems like I’m trashing 11-11-11, but there are still aspects of it I enjoyed, probably because I liked the supernatural joke played on our main character at the end, who finds himself “chosen” in the way Samantha from The House of the Devil found herself chosen. The scenes in Barcelona, Spain help with the atmosphere a bit, and I liked Michael Landes’ performance. There’s also a nice sequence where Joseph lights up a room with his laptop, using the desktop wallpaper of his deceased wife and son. That Bousman has talent is clear (his three entries in the Saw series are the high point of that franchise). It’s just too bad that overall, the movie feels like a cynical cash grab to capitalize on a date. If you listen to Bousman’s commentary on the DVD, about how he had trouble getting finishing funds as well as having an unfinished cut leaking to the internet, you get an idea about how messy the whole process must have been. Ironically, he gets the idea that he should have thrown in more jump scares – I think he should have slowed down further, letting the camera stay still longer. Instead of 11-11-11, which, lets face it, was already out of date on 11/12, I would suggest The Shrine – a similar (better) film about how our prejudices cause us to misinterpret events.

By the way, do not confuse this movie with the Asylum ripoff 11/11/11. (I hear you’ll regret it if you do, big time).

- Bill Gordon

A religion centered around trees? Is he Rastafarian?

J. LaRose disappointed in his online fan club.

Crystal Lake Memories is being filmed in multiple locations (Los Angeles, New York, Connecticut, and Vancouver). It is said to be the “definitive” look at the making of the Friday the 13th films. There plans to be over 100 cast and crew interviews (even from the cult TV series). The doc is written/directed by Daniel Farrands and produced by Thommy Hutson. Farrands and Hutson were also behind the documentaries His Name Was Jason, Never Sleep Again: The Elm Street Legacy, and Scream: The Inside Story (which can be found on the Scream Five-Film Set).

The book Crystal Lake Memories: The Complete History of Friday the 13th is also available on the Amazon kindle.

The film version of Crystal Lake Memories is set to be released later this year.

Source: Shock Till You Drop

Source: Hollywood Reporter

Heather O'Rourke in Poltergeist (1982)

More info on the Poltergeist remake as it comes in.

1/2 (out of 4)

The 1980s were exactly like this.

Stefan Crosscoe: “This type of bullet killed your sister. Unfortunately, they were removed during the autopsy and as a result, she can never rest in peace. Notice anything about them?”
Ben White: “They’re silver.”
Stefan Crosscoe: “Yes. Do you know what that means? This type of bullet, Mr. White, means your sister … is a werewolf.”

You know something is wrong when a movie has its characters repeating its title in dialogue, as if the audience needed to be reminded: “Ah yes, that’s why this movie is called Howling II: Your Sister is a Werewolf! I had forgotten!” (It reminds me of the time when Sylvester Stallone exclaimed “Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot“) Anyway, this sequel to Joe Dante’s film The Howling concerns the brother (Reb Brown) of Karen White (from the first film) discovering that werewolves exist, then taking his new girlfriend/TV reporter Jenny (Annie McEnroe) along with werewolf hunter Stefan (Christopher Lee) to Transylvania to put an end to the reign of Stirba (Sybil Danning), queen of the werewolves. By the way, the original title of this film was Howling II: Stirba, Werewolf Bitch. In my opinion, they should have stuck with that.

Unfortunately, no one can be told what Howling 2 is. You have to see it for yourself.

You guys ever seen "Horror of Dracula"? It's Awesome...

Howling II – Your Sister Is a Werewolf is horrendous, inept, amazingly bad. It also oozes sleaze and is full of werewolf orgies, and yet those are hilarious also, strangely devoid of eroticism. Before the opening credits even roll, we are treated to a shot of the great Christoper Lee superimposed over a star-screen (think: cheesy opening of Dune), reading from the book of Revelation, while a classroom skeleton model just sorta hangs out next to him. Then we’re at Karen’s funeral, where we are treated to a (visibly breathing) corpse that looks nothing like Dee Wallace, not even close. Then Lee’s character Stefan shows up and tells her brother Ben that his sister is a werewolf. Ben doesn’t believe it but Karen’s colleague (and Ben’s love interest) Jenny does, for reasons unknown. Also, for reasons unknown to me, Jenny wears a dress shirt, vest, and tie, and sports a boy’s haircut. It must be the 80s. The best part is the actor portraying Ben – none other than Reb Brown, Mr. Big McLargeHuge himself, as seen in many wondrous films like Sssssss, Captain America, Yor, The Hunter From The Future, Robowar, and the unforgettable MST3K favorite Space Mutiny. In case you’ve never heard of Reb Brown, just know that his signature move is yelling like a banshee before shooting something. Your training in trash cinema is not complete until you experience his particular brand of badness.

We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese!

This may happen to you after watching Howling II

After showing Ben the tape of somebody who looks nothing like Dee Wallace turning into a werewolf and then getting shot on the TV news (which apparently had no repercussions – TV viewers being a fickle lot), Stefan tries to put Karen down for good, but not before Ben sees the truth about the existence of werewolves. He and Jenny agree to accompany Stefan to Transylvania, so he can eliminate the werewolf clan run by Stirba, a sorceress who enjoys ripping off her clothes to reveal her ample bosoms. In fact, the movie is so fond of Sybil Danning’s breasts that it shows them during the end credits no less than 17 times (well, they are impressive). Helping out Sybil is Mariana (Marsha Hunt – mother of Mick Jagger’s daughter, inspiration for “Brown Sugar”, and Lee’s costar in Dracula AD 1972), Vlad (Jimmy Smits lookalike Judd Omen, whom you might have seen in Pee-wee’s Big Adventure), and a coven of ineffectual lycanthropes, young and old, who like to hang out and rub on one another like they’re attending some kind of MDMA party.

Howling 2 features cutting edge special effects.

Enough booze and coke and your party might look like this.

The trio visit the village of Vlkava, which wasn’t shot in Transylvania at all but Prague. They hook up with a few helpful villagers, including a dwarf named Vasile (Jirí Krytinár) who knows how to take out werewolves when he needs to. (A scene where he kills a guard had me thinking he would have made a good Leprechaun). After Ben and Jenny settle into room 666 (!) Stefan helps arm them with specially-blessed earplugs (so Stirba’s evil howling won’t cause their eyes to explode – don’t ask) and titanium bullets (because silver doesn’t work against these werewolves – only titanium, which is strange because isn’t titanium less rare than silver? Whatever.) Throughout the film you’ll notice certain things, like werewolves being killed by stakes through the heart, a woman swinging garlic around, and the use of holy water. As you all know, these things are all effective against vampires, not werewolves, but really, who gives a crap, right? Because Sybil Danning’s boobs are in this!

Two reasons to watch Howling II.

The editing on Howling 2 is hyperactive (for the time). Scenes are interrupted with quick cuts to other scenes that have already occurred or inexplicable images with no context. Comic book wipes abound. Special effects are anything but – there is no impressive werewolf transformation like in the first film or An American Werewolf in London. The best this film can do is a quick shot of growing teeth/hair or – my favorite bit – a werewolf threesome involving Danning, Hunt, and Omen, where they just sorta glue fur onto themselves and hiss at one another like cats. Then Danning is seen walking around in various dominatrix outfits (sometimes wearing aviator glasses), spewing out gobbledygook and exhibiting the kind of facial expressions you might see on an asylum inmate or street junkie. Sexy? Hardly. Hilarious? You bet. Reb Brown is always amusing with his constantly-confused look, sometimes punctuated by his screams and gunshots. His dialogue with McEnroe’s character is so awkward and sluggish I guessed they were smoking something obtained from a traveling gypsy. The only one who emerges (barely) unscathed is Christopher Lee, a consummate professional no matter what the gig (Lee would later apologize to Joe Dante for appearing in this film).

Sybil is talking to her stuffed animals again.

I'm ready for my closeup now!

Howling 2 plays out like a cheesy music video, straight out of mid 80s MTV. In that regard, it’s a great time capsule. There’s a new wave band (led by Stephen Parsons) that never lets up, (“In the pale pale light of the moonglow/I’ve got a hunger that’s in motion/A hunger that I can’t control/I’m alone now in my room again/On the prowl now, through your dreams again/Howling“). Director Philippe Mora seems to like the song so much, he features the band in the beginning, middle, and end of the movie. In that club scene, Lee shows up to keep tabs on a werewolf and somebody places sunglasses on him. No reason for this at all, but I figured this club was so cool that wearing shades was mandatory. This trainwreck can be counted among one of the worst sequels ever made; it’s also a well-treasured cult item, and for good reason. Like similar entries in the pantheon of cheese cinema, it’s impossible to hate. Whatever can be said about it (and lots can be said), the movie is never boring. Mora, who also presided over The Beast Within (a movie I kinda like), has said that he originally wanted Howling 2 to be a comedy but producers messed with it. I’m not sure I believe that story, but he’s right about the film being a comedy.

- Bill Gordon

To his relief, Christopher Lee is beamed out of the film.

And now, young Skywalker, you will die...

Synopsis

Six young tourists undertake “Extreme Tourism” by hiring a special guide who drives them into the city of Pripyat, the former home of the workers of the Chernobyl nuclear reactor, but a deserted town since the disaster in 1986. After a brief exploration of the abandoned city, the group soon finds themselves stranded, only to discover that they are not alone…

Trailer

Cast

The Chernobyl Diaries stars Jesse McCartney, Jonathan Sadowski, Ingrid Bolsø Berdal, Nathan Phillips, and Devin Kelley. Written by Oren Peli, Carey Van Dyke, and Shane Van Dyke. Directed by visual effects man Bradley Parker.

Notes/Background

On Saturday, April 26, 1986, reactor No. 4 at the Chernobyl Plant exploded, sending a plume of radioactive smoke into the air, which drifted over the nearby town of Pripyat as well as large parts of western USSR and Europe. Areas in Belarus and the Ukraine were contaminated. Reactor 4 was enclosed in a concrete sarcophagus to trap the radiation.

There is an area surrounding the plant, with a radius of about 19 miles, called the Exclusion Zone or “Zone of Alienation.” It is uninhabited, except for a few residents who have refused to leave. The area has largely reverted to forest and radiation levels are still high (the Ukrainian government considers it a wildlife sanctuary now). The zone will not be habitable for about 20,000 years.

The “Extreme Tourism” reference in the trailer for Chernobyl Diaries specifically refers to the practice of “Chernobyl stalking”, which involves tourists visiting the zone and all the abandoned installations/homes/schools inside Prypiat. One person who made this type of urban exploration popular was Elena Filatova. (you might remember her as the cool Ukrainian motorcycle chick who took photos of the zone and blogged about it).

Release Date

The Chernobyl Diaries will be released on May 25, 2012.

(out of 4)

I don’t own many posters anymore, but I still have and cherish the rare one for Friday the 13th Part 8 – Jason Takes Manhattan, which features the well-known “I Love NY” logo breaking apart as Jason slices through it with a knife. That famous logo with the red heart and American Typewriter font was created by Milton Glaser in the 1970s; the state of New York has a trademark on it which it protects at all costs. When the New York Tourism Committee threatened to sue Paramount for use of the logo, the company pulled the poster quickly.

Marketing for Jason Takes Manhattan also includes this amusing trailer, which uses the theme from New York, New York mixed with a romantic saxophone riff; the mysterious figure taking in the sights of the city is revealed to be Jason himself, as the narrator exclaims “Now, New York has a new problem.”

That’s good stuff. Oh yeah, about the movie itself – it sucks. Friday the 13th Part 8 may get the crown for the most misleading title ever – it’s over an hour into the film before Jason Voorhees (Kane Hodder) or anyone else even makes it to Manhattan, and then we mostly get shots inside a subway train, harbor, and dark alleys which could be filmed anywhere (and IMDB suggests they were – Los Angeles and Vancouver). So you could say Jason is never given a chance to take Manhattan until we witness the shot of him in Times Square – a good 85 minutes into the movie (and about 10 minutes before the end). If Paramount wasn’t going to allocate enough budget to actually fulfill the title’s promise, it shouldn’t have bothered at all. So no, Jason never really takes Manhattan, but he sure does take a very nice cruise vacation for most of the running time, and why not? After seven films, he deserves a break.

In an emergency, Jason Voorhees can also function as an anchor.

Now I may be a little slow, but I remember Camp Crystal Lake being fairly small and landlocked. Apparently I was wrong – writer/director Rob Hedden says that Crystal Lake feeds into a channel that somehow leads, eventually, to Upper New York Bay. That’s just the first in a long line of ridiculous assumptions made by Friday the 13th Part 8. The only time I noticed any real continuity was at the beginning when we find Jason exactly where Tina Shepard left him – underneath the collapsed dock (remember, in the Friday films nobody believes in collecting bodies from the lake). But how was Tina to know that there is a massive 3000V cable on the lake bottom (wow, that’s safe), and a boat’s anchor would tear it, and Jason would be electrocuted back to life? That’s exactly what happens, and Jason isn’t even awake for 5 minutes before dispatching two meatbags, stealing their brand new hockey mask that was just lying around, and hitching a ride over to the SS Lazarus, a cruise ship bound for NYC containing the senior class of Lakeview High (wow, again! For my senior trip, I went to Disney’s Pleasure Island by bus). Again, I must ask why a zombie killer sworn to haunting the woods near Crystal Lake suddenly decides to stow away on a cruise ship bound for the Big Apple. No matter – soon the ship is underway and Jason is free to roam, picking off victims in the same way you might hit the buffet on the Royal Caribbean.

In between kills, Jason will gladly keep the water bucket full and the steam sufficient.

At the center of this is Captain’s kid Sean (Scott Reeves), his disturbed girlfriend Rennie (Jensen Daggett), and her little dog, too. Chaperoning is Rennie’s uncle and biology teacher Charles McCulloch (Peter Mark Richman, really good at playing an asshole) and Rennie’s teacher Colleen Van Deusen (Barbara Bingham). There’s also your regular assortment of stock characters – prom queen bitch, nerdy girl, black athlete, A/V geek… none of who are very interesting since they are all rehashed from other Friday the 13th characters. In fact, you can almost draw a direct line from this movie’s characters and subplots to those of Part 7: manipulative rich girl (Sharlene Martin, played last time by Susan Jennifer Sullivan), geeky guy (Martin Cummins, played last time by Jeff Bennett), jerk authority figure (Peter Mark Richman, played last time by Terry Kiser), and unstable but likable final girl Rennie who has visions of the killer (Jensen Daggett, filling in for Lar Park-Lincoln). In fact, Rennie has a history of being attacked by a young Jason at the lake, which makes her character similar to Dana Kimmell’s in Part 3. Oh yeah, don’t forget the Prophet of Doom/Ralph stand-in Alex Diakun, saying stuff like “This ship is doomed!” and “You’re all gonna die!” The guy’s right – pretty soon the SS Lazarus is going the way of the RMS Titanic, but not before a few survivors make it into the lifeboat bound for New York Harbor.

Jason promptly tries out for a spot on the Rangers.

Things pick up slightly as Jason follows everybody to the city and gives chase, taking out random New Yorkers who get in his way. This includes some junkies, a cop, and a sanitation worker who helpfully informs our heroes that the sewers in Manhattan flood with toxic waste every night at midnight. Yes, you heard that right – NYC is such a cesspool that the whole place is just one big toxic waste dump. Of course, our gang is immediately assaulted by punks as soon as they make it ashore, who kidnap Rennie and inject her with heroin before Jason takes them out with the same needle (an attempted rape interrupted by a symbolic one?) By the way, Rennie is a real trooper – dealing with Jason Voorhees, dealing with muggers, even being shot up with dope and not even being affected by it! The funniest scenes in Jason Takes Manhattan involve Jason chasing away some punks by merely lifting up his mask, and another funny bit where he punches a junior boxer’s head clean off. Here’s this huge, decaying, mass of flesh in a mask chasing people down the street and in subway cars and nobody bats an eye. Rennie’s plea to a waitress “There’s a maniac trying to kill us!” is answered with the deadpan “Welcome to New York.” Haha, get it? Because New York sucks!

Jason plans an Empire State Building visit and then it's off to a Broadway show!

Everything else about Friday the 13th Part 8: Jason Takes Manhattan is a disappointment. Characters are discarded on a whim, Jason’s teleporting abilities since Part 7 have improved tremendously (one moment he’s in front of someone, exactly one second later he’s behind them – does he have a clone?), hardly any Manhattan landmarks are utilized, the scenes on the ship are extremely tedious, gore is slight, and the way Jason meets his end is equal parts hilarious and unbelievable (but I suppose it fits in with the idea that at his core Jason is still just a child). Rennie’s own drowning backstory was probably meant to give her some kind of connection to the drowning boy Jason, but it doesn’t work in practice, as was the overall idea that Jason could become an avenging avatar walking around the city, cleaning the scum from the streets like Paul Kersey and Travis Bickle would have wanted. The movie is a perfect example of missed opportunities, and on top of that there’s no tension, logic, or believability, even for a Friday film. “Take Manhattan.” Yeah, right. It’s time for Jason and the franchise to take a hiatus.

- Bill Gordon

He stayed on the M too long and ended up taking Queens instead.

After 8 movies and decreasing box office take, Paramount finally had enough, and sold the franchise to New Line Cinema. 4 years later, New Line would send Jason to hell, but that’s a story for another day. Bonus trivia: This is Kelly Hu’s first movie, in the fine tradition of actors cutting their teeth in horror (Kevin Bacon, Johnny Depp). Also watch for Ken Kirzinger playing a cook that Jason tosses against the wall of a diner. Kirzinger would later play Jason himself in Freddy vs Jason. By the way, I’m a sucker for the theme music “Darkest Side of the Night” by Metropolis – just another aspect of the production cooler than the final product itself:

Borscht Corp, together with Severin Films and Intervision Picture Corp are presenting the rare screening of The Burning Moon at midnight, Friday the 13th. (Well, ok, that’s not technically Friday the 13th – look, just show up at the O-Cinema, 90 NW 29 Street, Miami, Florida, this Friday night).

The screening is free to the public and will be preceded by giveaways, exclusive/ vintage trailers selected by the staff of Borscht, and complimentary drinks (or as they put it: “free-flowing libations blessed by a Santeria priest.”)

You also get a poster and a copy of the new DVD release of The Burning Moon (and if a shot-on-cheap-video, 0-budget sickie like The Burning Moon can get a DVD release, then anything can!)

The poster is designed by artist Johnny Ryan (Blecky Yuckerella, Prison Pit) which glows in the dark! The night of the event will also mark the exclusive premiere of the song “Burning Mo0on” by Sleepwalking (a collaboration between ANR and Coral Morphologic).

Borscht Corporation

Based in Miami, Borscht creates short films and holds film festivals. The Borscht Film Festival shows films from local filmmakers, usually related to Miami. (To give you an idea, the short film The Life and Freaky Times of Uncle Luke tells the story of Luther Campbell (Luke Skyywalker) and the 2 Live Crew, followed by Luke becoming mayor, followed by a nuclear meltdown which turns Miami into a post-apocalyptic wasteland. Oh yeah, it’s modeled after La Jetee!

O-Cinema

O-Cinema is an independent cinema located in the Wynwood Arts District of Miami that shows first-run indie, foreign, art, and niche market films (like The Burning Moon). Right now they are showing Kill List.

The Burning Moon

The Burning Moon was an underground film from 1992 that made the rounds in conventions and tape trading circles. Shot on video (probably S-VHS or something), it’s the brainchild of Olaf Ittenbach, the German splatter director. As Zack Carlson of the Alamo Drafthouse once said of the movie: The Burning Moon is “an anti-human masterpiece. There’s zero doubt that director Olaf Ittenbach was destined to either make this film or rape wolves.”

Ittenbach himself stars as a junkie who babysits his young sister and feeds her two horrific bedtime stories: the first is about a serial killer who massacres a family; another is about a country priest who rapes and murders before going to Hell. It’s all in German, and one person on AICN compared it to Boardinghouse and The Ripper. But story doesn’t matter here – just the gore, which the film delivers in spades.

So if low budget underground gore cinema is your thing, show up at the Miami O-Cinema this Friday night and watch dudes get ripped apart in Hell while drinking some brew. (no, you’re the ones drinking the brew).