Hello!

I’m always correcting people who thank me for helping them to forgive. It’s one thing to be thanked for saying something that resonated or gets a person to think about things a different way…that I’ll take. But, when a person decides to forgive, it’s because they wanted to; on some level they were ready. I take no credit for what you are ready to do.

No one can make you ready if you’re not and when you’re ready, truly ready, no one can stop you.

Here are five ways to know when you’re ready to forgive someone or release some baggage you’ve been carrying.

1)      You think of the person or the thing and you don’t cringe; instead you reflect on   the lesson learned (and you’re able to apply it to your life)

2)      You can speak with the person or about the incident with a even and light spirit – there might be some nervousness but nothing negative

3)      You’re able to pray for the person and wish them well

4)      There is no blame in your heart  – for the person or yourself

5)      You use the incident or experience as a way to help others

If any one of these is not possible as yet but others are, you’re on your way: Keep going, the rest will follow.

And remember, don’t give credit where it is not due. 

Wishing you an abundant of love, peace and light.

Julette Millien

♥~

But I know I will… I know. Not only are there bigger battles to fight, it really is pathetic and having angst about it is a waste of time.

But let me tell you why I struggle.

Barbara Walter s said yesterday on The View that she does not believe in people having a calling…diametrically opposed to what Oprah Winfrey spent a good part of a finale and all of her 25 years espousing.  Yes, yes, of course we are allowed to disagree with Ms. O. That is surely not my gripe. Here’s what gets to me.

Actually, let me back up… I should say first that what set the tone for this crass opinion was this: Ms. Walters found it necessary to share with all viewers yesterday what the end of Oprah’s show would be like – she gave a blow by blow of the final scenes. HUH?? HOW CAN YOU DO THAT to the viewers of the View who have NOT seen the show??  I thought that was just thoughtless at best and mean, more likely.  OK, maybe it was just an oversight by all at the table. *sigh*

So why am I so bothered about “dissing” Ms. Oprah…I’m not really. Oprah is no victim and can handle all that comes her way – because she “knows from whence her strength comes!”  So glad she went there. 

I am bothered because people listen to Barbara Walters. She has impact on people. You hear a media icon speak about there being no such thing as a calling to your life – something you are gifted with and do best, something to bring joy and passion and  inspiration to your days and to the lives of others….and what happens?

Many people – granted not all, thank God…will become discouraged by that and perhaps even stop dreaming. Life can suddenly become maybe more than a little less hopeful. So perhaps “the hum-drum-ness of every day life and work and struggles is all my life is gonna be?”  “You mean this emptiness I feel is it?” “ I don’t have to strive for more because not everybody has something special to offer the world?”

Good Lord Ms. Barbara how can you be that obtuse? Can’t you see that while you can say these things from your tower of privilege and opportunity, people with less depends upon hope and inspiration to get them through the days?  That they may even believe in making a difference one day, if not today?

Unless of course it was all an exercise in semantics…and you really believe in what a calling does to a person but you just don’t want to call it that because it’s a little too close to the God thing perhaps?

I don’t know but it sure seemed so ODD for you to get on a soapbox (yes, yes, I know your show is called THE VIEW) on the very day the woman is signing off, and give your contrary opinion on her legacy.

Through her programs and her life she inspired people to reach for their calling and bring joy to their life by serving others.

This was the day you needed to disagree with such a noble achievement?

Really? Shame on you Barbara Walters.

When I think of the thousands you (perhaps not even known to them) impacted yesterday with that comment, I cringe.

I do believe you should apologize – I know, ‘when pigs fly’ according to your protégé  Star Jones – and come to peace with what’s beneath your need to be so disagreeable.

I have to forgive you, I know.  Writing this post is helping. Doing what I do –helping people to find their promise [from God] in life will also help to put what you have done in perspective.

My heart just aches for all those whose lights you dimmed yesterday.

Believing we have a special and wonderful purpose to serve here on earth pushes us to our highest and best.  It encourages us to accept our divine promise – to serve others and bring a little bit more joy to all we meet and serve.  Knowing I – along with everyone else on earth, have a special gift to identify and nurture so that I can help others in some way, gets me out of bed in the morning. I can’t even imagine not knowing that! Well, I guess I can.  It just seems so sad and empty a life to live.

Robbing people of dreams, purpose and promise just is not right.

I will pray that you find your calling or come to accept the huge contribution you have made in journalism and for women in the workplace as some part of your call here on earth.  I know you have done well.

Praying for you will help me to forgive you.

All the best to you…

So those are my thoughts about callings, Ms. Barbara and Ms. Oprah.

Thanks for ‘listening’ !

Love, peace & joy,

Julette Millien

♥~

Hello!

A common misconception is that forgiveness is about accepting an apology from someone who has hurt you. And that’s it!

This is ABSOLUTELY NOT what forgiveness is all about: It is so much more. Forgiving an isolated act – be it mayor or minor, is wonderful and will bring peace to your heart.  Being able to do this easily, frequently and quickly is even better.  To develop a habit of forgiveness requires more commitment and conscious intention.

Would you like to have a mindset if forgiveness?  This way you easily and quickly forgive; you let love guide your thoughts and emotions and not fear; you even get offended less and less by the silly (and big sometimes) things people do because a forgiveness mindset is like insulation. It insulates you from people’s fear based actions; you cease to take things personally.  Don’t you want that ability?  God knows when we direct the negative energy of  ‘taking things personally’ towards positive outcomes like being productive, creative, kind, confident and loving we  find the lasting peace, joy and prosperity we seek.

The forgiveness mindset – a predisposition to forgive and to love, is the answer.

Here’ what this mindset includes:

• · Yes…accepting an apology from friends and family, co-workers and strangers who have hurt you is a healthy start
• · You saying sorry for hurts you have caused
• · You forgiving yourself for things you have done that caused pain for others, for things you have left undone, for denying self-love
• · You increasing your creativity and productivity by being free
• · Growing your family, department, business, organization or ministry into a guilt-free, grudge-free and shame-free environment
• · Releasing built up baggage; not holding onto your ‘story’ year after year
• · Releasing fear…about anything. Fear of taking action, things not working out, personal fears…to do with people, objects or situations
• · Releasing anger…towards self and children, loved ones, people in general for not living up to your expectations of them
• · Granting ‘clean slates’ everyday to everybody
• · Releasing anxiety about money and all material ‘needs’
• · Releasing dependence on objects and/or people; creating space on all levels
• · Not getting offended about things people do
• · Giving yourself freedom to be PRESENT in this moment and NOT in memories of a disappointing past or anxiety about what’s to come

The Forgiveness Mindset is about:

• · releasing
• · creating space – physical, mental, emotional and spiritual
• · surrendering
• · being present
• · being humble
• · not being offended
• · separating your ‘stuff’ from another person’s
• · emotional and spiritual maturity
• · placing your feelings in perspective
• · seeing the good when they’re showing you the bad and the ugly
• · creating space for a free flow of financial blessings
• · taking charge of fear, replacing it with love, creating a new self-image…that you then realize is not new after all.  You’ve always been there

By first forgiving we scrape away the mess and reveal the real, authentic, God created self.  Then, with the forgiveness mindset, we enjoy the fruits of our labor on this forgiveness journey and bask in the joy of love and grace every day.

We can tune into and align ourselves with the God/Love frequency every single day. We have to intentionally set out to do this. It won’t happen just because we thought about it the day before.  The best way I have found to tap into the God in me is by forgiving ALL every single day and by seeking the forgiveness mindset with every breath.

This means applying forgiveness beyond the realm of close relationships… apply it first of all to SELF…then to the family; apply it at work all day long and of course apply the mindset of forgiveness in the community and most definitely at your place of worship.  It means going beyond ‘doing’ the forgiveness thing; it means ‘BEing’ love and forgiveness in thought, intention and behavior.

Make a commitment today to the forgiveness mindset and watch your life blossom into even more than you have ever imagined.

Wishing you an abundance of peace, joy and love,

Julette Millien

♥~

Forgiveness by John Greenleaf Whittier

My heart was heavy, for its trust had been
Abused, its kindness answered with foul wrong;
So, turning gloomily from my fellow-men,
One summer Sabbath day I strolled among
The green mounds of the village burial-place;
Where, pondering how all human love and hate
Find one sad level; and how, soon or late,
Wronged and wrongdoer, each with meekened face,
And cold hands folded over a still heart,
Pass the green threshold of our common grave,
Whither all footsteps tend, whence none depart,
Awed for myself, and pitying my race,
Our common sorrow, like a mighty wave,
Swept all my pride away, and trembling I forgave!

When you consider how many hearts die cold and go to their graves at war, it gives serious cause for pause.  [Think PRIDE]

Then when you consider how little control  – as in NONE, basically – we have over our departure from this plane, the alarm bell should go off in our heads and hearts…  [Think HUMILITY]

What are you holding on to that needs to be released so you can live at peace?  [Think FREEDOM]

Be still, invite Love/God into your heart and watch it melt away.

Wishing you an abundance of peace, joy and love,

Julette Millien

♥~

 Hello there!

In reading a blog I wrote two years ago — I sometimes read my writing to remind myself of what I know lest I forget (!) — something jumped out at me: The 5th myth on the list 

           Myth # 5  By not forgiving I’m telling my abuser how much I hate him and how wrong what he did was: that somehow I needed to withhold forgiveness because otherwise he would think I loved him. I felt this more than thought it.  But it was real and stopped me from releasing all the baggage.

What struck me is how I have grown. Having a forgiving mindset tends to have that impact. I didn’t want my abusers to think I loved them and I thought that’s what forgiving him would convey. This is, as previously pointed out a mistaken belief…forgiving doesn’t necessarily say to an abuser ” I love you” nor does not forgiving them say “I hate you.”

BUT…today I am able to say with equanimity and a light heart…I can love an abuser.  Not in a romantic or even a personal, affectionate way necessarily but in the way that really matters for my emotional and spiritual health. I can love a person who has hurt me because their actions have absolutely nothing to do with me and is only an indication of their own pain and damaged sense of existence.  I can pray for an abuser, wish them well, love them as I love all people. This is growth and I want you to hear about it!

Therapeutic for me to share this and it just might bless someone who is at this place ( or about to be) in their forgiveness journey.

If you’re not…no stress. I wasn’t always here myself!

Here is the blog in its entirety:

Life experiences may train us to be comfortable with other states of existence, BUT when we are in our most healthy and balanced state, we WANT happiness, joy and success.

So when I consider why people CHOOSE to not forgive themselves and others when all facts, information and inclinations point in that direction, I have to reflect on what took ME so long to get smart about forgiveness.

I walked around for decades in the dark on the subject.  Well not completely.

I knew from a young age that I wanted to forgive the men who violated me.  I read up on love and forgiveness and really did try to walk the scriptural and spiritual talk of love and forgiveness.

But there were beliefs buried in my thinking that stood in the way.  Way beneath the water line, I had unconscious beliefs affecting my conscious thoughts and emotions.  I had to do some digging and honest reflecting.

Research has shown again and again the power of the unconscious mind.  It took real work to ‘go below’ and face my beliefs.

But I did and I discovered or uncovered the myths about forgiveness that I walked around with, stopping me from finding true and lasting peace.

See if you can relate to any of them and if you have others, please share them below.

Top Five Myths:

Myth # 1

By forgiving someone you give them permission to hurt you again.  I didn’t realize it but I did believe this.  Somehow I felt that by forgiving these horrible people I would be giving them OR OTHERS LIKE THEM permission to treat me as badly as they did.  I thought I’d be saying “what you did wasn’t so bad, and I didn’t really mind, so here do it to me again.”  This is absolutely false.

Myth # 2

Forgiving someone means it didn’t hurt that much.  The damage done to my life is not that great. Very much like myth #1, I believed that the way I could show them and the world how much damage was done was to stay hurt, and affected by the trauma. FALSE.

Myth # 3

Forgiving means reconciliation, we must be friends again.  I honestly believed that I would have to socialize with this person, allow him to greet me in the usual family like ways – hugs and kisses! – if I forgave him/them.  Not so.  Forgiving is to do with something done in the past and does not necessarily lead to reconciliation.  It can but does not have to.  That step is totally up to the person doing the forgiving.  I opted to forgive and I began to pray for my abusers but I didn’t remain in touch.

Myth # 4

Forgiving is something you do for someone else NOT for your self. I thought I was giving my violator a gift of love – which in a sense I was BUT it was first and foremost a gift to me.  I was the one who was immediately gaining a lighter spirit and the ability to move forward in my life. I was giving myself the gift of freedom and love.

Myth # 5

By not forgiving I’m telling my abuser how much I hate him and how wrong what he did was: that somehow I needed to withhold forgiveness because otherwise he would think I loved him. I felt this more than thought it.  But it was real and stopped me from releasing all the baggage.

These myths, I came to find out were common. When fear is driving our thinking, myths are easy to hang on to.  It takes courage to forgive and move on and when that courage is lacking we do tend to make things up to make sense of our present state of existence.

Forgiveness is an ongoing process. It is not a one time event.  This is actually another myth: that it takes just one decision and daily doses of forgiveness is not necessary.

It is after all a mindset, not just a one-time decision. It is a mindset that must be nurtured daily.  We also have to reflect on our beliefs (some are myths) to be sure we’re thinking the thoughts that will create the outcomes we seek. (Think cause and effect; thoughts are the cause and our experience is the effect.)

Wishing you all the peace and joy and love you can muster!
Julette Millien

Hello!

It’s safe to say that on a scale of 1 – 10, where forgiveness and/or reconciliation is a 10, revenge would be a 0. Celebrating in the streets over the death of a presumed violator, abuser or killer would be in the minus vicinity!

The recent reaction to the death of Osama bin Laden (OBL) – celebrating, bursting into song, camping outside the Whitehouse, etc, seems to be missing a critical point. We, the believers in good, love, life, light, freedom, human rights, etc, etc are supposed to represent these things we believe in by how we behave and think and react to challenging events and situations. We’re supposed to be champions of and advocates for the dignity of human life…isn’t that why we say we are so “happy” to have OBL gone? Isn’t it because he represented, we believe, the complete opposite of respect for life and human rights?

What message are we sending to those observing us – our children, other nations and of course historians?

This article in Psychology Today covers this irony very well.  Dr. Pamela Gerloff poses some penetrating questions:

The death of Osama Bin Laden gives us an opportunity to ask ourselves: What kind of nation and what kind of species do we want to be? Do we want to become a species that honors life? Do we want to become a species that embodies peace? If that is what we want, then why not start now to examine our own hearts and actions, and begin to consciously evolve in that direction? We could start by not celebrating the killing of another.

In order for actions to be taken by otherwise sane human beings, we do have to make sense of it to our own self…to avoid what is called ‘cognitive dissonance.’  So how do we rationalize our actions as we celebrate in the streets?

We say “justice” is achieved, we’re “safer” in a world without OBL, and victims now have “closure.”  Really? We can get very slick with how we deny the existence of plain old revenge and “getting even” when we don’t want to see ourselves in the light.

Intelligent, informed people know we are no safer today than last week and even  if  OBL’s capture and trial  was necessary for justice or closure, what does that have to do with barbarically celebrating his death in the streets? Didn’t we just cross over into the realm of two wrongs just don’t make a right?

Here’s the point and what motivated this blog, we have powerful stories of people (actual victims) forgiving the war crimes that wiped out entire families (their own) and ethnic groups.   It is in fact humanely possible to forgive what appears to be the unforgivable. When we do that, we do not condone or encourage wrong doings, as those intent on revenge would have us believe.

When we forgive heinous crimes, we leave space for lasting peace…who said this, “an eye for an eye, leaves the whole world blind?” I believe it was Mahatma Gandhi.

When a criminal – not just accused but convicted – is given a fair trial we send reverberations of justice throughout the world. We give other criminals less motivation and public support to continue their reign of terror at an ever higher and higher level. And even if they persist in the short run, we still have the joy of clear conscience and right example and choosing.

This is no ‘lady do rightly,’ ‘mushy feely’ sentiment. This is just common sense coupled with equal portions of spiritual, emotional, political and moral maturity and authority. 

America is young, granted. But I’m sad to see that we are still so immature.

I pray we grow up, practice what we preach and set right examples for the world to see.

A spirit of forgiveness can heal the world, one person and one people at a time while a focus on revenge only spreads hate and more revenge.

Martin Luther King summed it up this way “Returning hate for hate multiplies hate, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.” and my favorite, “I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear.”

We need to grow up!

Wishing you peace, love and light,

Julette Millien

♥~

Hello,

Every day we wake up is another opportunity to take another go at life.

Of course being grateful is a superb first thought.  And part of gratefulness is forgiveness.

Here’s how: if we were truly grateful for having another chance at life and living, we would make COMPLETE use of that chance, no?  When you’re truly grateful for something, aren’t you appreciating having the thing or opportunity or person to the point of actually doing something about that gratitude?

Gratefulness implies activity, not passivity. Being grateful and doing nothing about it – in spirit or in deed, is not gratefulness.

So, what’s that got to do with forgiveness?  If you are truly grateful for having another day, you would want to be at your highest and best and take full advantage of the time you have to accomplish what you have set out to do. You’d want to take all the blocks out of your way of creativity, productivity and success.

In life, consistent forgiveness is a must.  Forgiving yourself daily, all through the day for whatever is not completed as intended will free you up to function at the highest level possible.

If you don’t, you will be blocking your path to creativity, total commitment, accountability, productivity, with anxiety, guilt and even shame.  Negative emotions can take hold very easily when the stakes are high. You have to remain diligent about protecting your positive approach to each day…to each moment actually.

So use forgiveness to really demonstrate your gratitude for another chance at life each day.

See the daily forgiveness ritual here and do it as prescribed.  You will be giving yourself a brand new clean slate every single day. Can you imagine that?

Wishing you an abundance of peace, joy and light,

Julette Millien

♥~

Hello, 

First all “key people” are those folks who had an impact.  Whether you saw them daily or not, somehow they got into your mind and/or your heart.

Unless you have thought about this and have made conscious choices to depart from or build upon what you were directly and indirectly taught, you may be under the influence of these key people’s impact.

Were you told forgiving was weak? Or were you told that (as someone on Facebook shared this week) saying sorry was useless?  Perhaps you were told to say sorry even when you weren’t. Or that, keeping track of offenses was smart.

Whatever you were told, unless you have consciously thought about these conversations could be holding you back today from forgiving and apologizing.

The other thing is that “being told” something is not necessarily a verbal thing.  We get told things all the time – through body language, silence, tone, facial expressions, example and even through decisions/choices our key people made 

Reflection time:

1)      Get yourself as comfortable as possible

2)      Get still and just rest your eyes and you let your mind flow back to earlier days

3)      Breathe deeply several times and ask yourself,

4)      “What was I taught?”

5)      Let the memories come, with no judgment or editing…for a s long as they flow

6)      Say ‘thank-you’ for the way our mind stores memories for our later use

7)      Assess what is useful and what is not….

As you get these memories to flow back, remain relaxed and take notes as is needed (as little as possible for now).  

As you assess and reflect on what is useful to hold on to, write as much as you’d like about the memories and their impact on your life.

Always remember that people did the best they could with what they had. This is not an opportunity to cast blame or make judgments about the people who taught you about life.  You are now fully responsible for your life and your choices. Keep what is useful and release what is not.

Useful are those things that help you to love. Not useful, the things that keep you in bondage based on fear.  We have the power TODAY to process our memories and teachings as we see fit. As the director/editor/star of our own life story, we decide what stays and what goes.

So choose wisely.

Wishing you an abundance of love, light and life,

Julette Millien

♥~

 Hello there!      I know everyone says forgiveness is about helping your self, healing your self and freeing your self. That basically, by forgiving you give your self the gift of freedom – from past hurts, painful memories and even abusive people.

But I’d like you to consider this OTHER reason to forgive. Here is the reason to forgive that is ‘other-centered’- that’s about helping other people.

When you heal your hurts and pains and get over the dramas of childhood, failed relationships, betrayals – on the personal or professional front and essentially clear the way for truly living at your highest and best, you create space for reaching out and truly helping others.  Forgiveness is ultimately about helping and healing the world.

We can’t really connect to other people if we are not whole and healed. We will not have the emotional maturity that true service and helping is based on if our pains still have us drained, preoccupied and shackled.

We need to forgive, release and let go of our baggage in order to be productive and creative about serving others. So if being a person connected to the world in a way that is helpful and meaningful is important to you, get a hold of what the baggage is and get busy with healing and releasing.

Your legacy of service depends on it! 

You’ll even find that helping will move the healing along. You don’t have to completely heal before you can help…my word, who would we have helping if that was the case!

What is essential is that we become aware of our baggage, create a path to healing and stay on it as we remain connected to the needs of the world and serving others at our highest and best. We have to do the best we can with where we are and simultaneously be conscious of where we are headed with our healing/maturing process and also, what’s needed to get us there.

It comes down to intentions and keeping our hearts purely motivated.  Often without even realizing it, people do acts of kindness to fill a hole or a need to feel better about themselves. Instead, let’s be kind because it’s the right thing to do and because our heart is healed and is so filled with love – mature love, that it overflows onto the people we are serving or the cause we are fighting.

Heal to help at you highest and best! It all starts with forgiving – your self and others. 

Wishing you an abundance of  peace, love and light,

Julette Millien

♥~