"How's Your Love Cup?"

Lesson from my son

2017-04-12T09:40:00.001-07:00

My sons have always been my greatest teachers...another amazing lesson from one of my sons.
My Son's Blog - Patience

The Irony of Life

2016-12-29T14:29:00.001-08:00

I give parenting classes to help parents keep their kids out of the justice system. A lot of the parents in my parenting classes are parents of juvenile delinquents. One of the things I've told them is to not worry about the mistakes their teenagers make because it's better that they make mistakes earlier in life rather than later. I could never have imagined how true those words were.

In April 2015, my middle son, made a huge mistake at the age of 23 is now serving a 5 year prison sentence. Watching this unfold has been surreal, but nonetheless, has been very real. My son has always been awesome and continues to be awesome where he is now. I have received several letters from fellow inmates and today, I thought I'd share one.

Hello, My name is XXXXXX and I am a friend of your son. The reason for this letter is to give you my thanks and let you know I am lucky to know your son. He has such a big heart and soul. I'm sure it has a lot to do with how he was raised. :) It meant a lot to me when he was over here with me and I know the others over here miss him. :) I also want to give my thanks for the board games you have gotten for us. :) I will not take too much of your time. Take care and have a wonderful week.

Respectfully,
XXXXXX

Read my son's blog on An Unlikely Prisoner

Flowers

2015-12-05T22:42:00.003-08:00

Flowers

My favorite analogy for reminding parents that their children are all different from them and from each other is a garden. Every flower is different, and every flower is beautiful!
A child who feels accepted is a child with a full LoveCup.

To Believe in Your Children Believe in Yourself

2015-08-21T16:01:00.002-07:00

I've been conducting parenting classes for the past 8 years. Right now I have a class of about 25 parents, who all have teenagers who have gotten in serious trouble. In the classes, we talk about how to talk so they listen, how to use consequences to stop being the enemy, how to motivate your kids to do their best, etc., etc. And all that is good, but a couple of years ago, I started noticing that parents had lost hope. They talked like it was hopeless, like their kids would never change. I started asking parents if they really believed that. And how they would feel if someone believed that about them.

The new topic was Believe in Kids, but.....then I realized we had to go back one step further and help the parents believe in themselves. Here are the affirmations I share with parents. Start telling your brain you are an amazing parent; your brain will believe it. Oh, don't forget to tell your kids they are amazing...they'll believe it too and more importantly, will start acting like it.

Affirmations for Parents

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Movies To Watch: Underwater Dreams and Spare Parts

2015-08-19T23:19:00.000-07:00

One of our jobs as parents is to believe in our kids. In my classes, I cover the typical things like Parenting Styles, Communication, Conflict Resolution, etc. But what I have found is that parents need to reflect on what they believe about their kids. If they have gotten in trouble with the law, or if their grades are not great, you may be questioning your kids' capabilities and even their intelligence. Do not fall in that trap. I repeat do not fall in the trap. You know how amazing your kids are. Do not judge them according to their current circumstance. These two movies which are about the same story, except that one is the documentary and the other is the movie, are about inspiring kids to believe in themselves. Just remember, they can't do that if you don't believe in them.

Underwater Dreams

It's the stuff of movies - four undocumented Mexican-American high school students enter a NASA-sponsored robotics contest and beat MIT and other prestigious universities. Yet the unlikely victory did not lead to a successful or lucrative future in the tech and science world for these students, mainly because they were constrained by their immigration status. Their fascinating story is the subject of a new documentary, “Underwater Dreams,” airing Sunday on MSNBC and Telemundo, as well as an upcoming Hollywood film. Source: article in Wire Magazine

Spare Parts
Four Hispanic high school students form a robotics club. With no experience, 800 bucks, used car parts and a dream, this rag tag team goes up against the country's reigning robotics champion, MIT.

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Love Denzel Washingon's Advice: Put God First. Say Thank you. Aspire to Make a Difference

2015-06-27T18:28:00.003-07:00

Watch it Here

“Put God First…Put God first in everything you do….everything that I have is by the grace of God. It’s a gift….40 years ago, I was flunking out of college…I have kept God in my life. I didn’t always stick with him, but he always stuck with me… Stick with God.”

“Fail BIG..that’s right. Fail Big…take chances…don’t be afraid to take chances. Don’t be afraid to go outside the box. Don’t be afraid to dream big. But remember dreams without goals are just dreams…they ultimately fuel disappointment. Have dreams, but have goals..Yearly, Monthly, Weekly, Daily. Simple goals, but have goals. To achieve these goals, you must apply discipline and consistency. You have to plan every day.”

“You’ll never see a U-Haul behind a hearse. I don’t care how much money you make, you can’t take it with you. It’s not how much you have, it’s what you do with what you have...help someone else. That’s where the joy is…in helping others.”

“I hope you put your slippers way under the bed at night, so in the morning, you have to get down on your knees to get them and while you’re down there…say thank you. Thank you for grace. Thank you for mercy, thank you for understanding, thank you for wisdom, thank you for your parents, thank you for love, thank you for kindness, thank you for humility, thank you for peace, thank you for prosperity. Say thank you in advance for what is already yours….True desire in the heart for anything good is God’s proof to you sent beforehand that it’s already yours….When you get it, reach back and pull someone else up.”

“Don’t aspire to make a living. Aspire to make a difference.”

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we feel loved when we feel respected

2015-04-21T14:42:00.000-07:00

Fill your teenager's LoveCup with respect...we feel loved when we feel respected. Here is a conversation from a family coaching session. The teen is a 17 year old male. The parents are monolingual Spanish speaking.

Teen: I think they should let me wear what I want to wear.

Mom: I don't like him wearing red.

Teen: This isn't gang related.

Me: In your opinion, what would be considered gang-related?

Teen: like a red rosary...or like red tennis shoes...

Me: Hmmm...well, yes, parents need to give kids more autonomy in what they wear, but this is different. So, let me just talk to you as if you were my son. If you were my son and you wanted to wear red (and we lived in the zipcode where you live), I would say: Son, I don't want you wearing red because I'm afraid you'll be confused with gang members and end up getting shot.

Teen: But this isn't gang stuff.

Mom: In juvenile hall, they put him with the gang group.

Me: Well, I don't know anything about gangs, but since we're talking about life and death, I can't just take your word for it. We need to ask someone. Would you be ok with you and your mom asking someone like the principal or the police officers at your school if what you are wearing is gang stuff? And....would you be ok with not wearing it if they say it is?

Teen: yeah...that'd be fine...and ok....yeah.

Me: Ok, so tomorrow, you, mom, need to go to school and find the principal or the police officers with your son and ask them if what you are wearing is considered gang-related or not?

Teen: Ok.

One week later.....

Me: So, how did it go? Was it gang related or not? (he wasn't wearing red)

Teen: We didn't go.

Me: Why not?

Teen: Just cuz.....

Me: Hmmm....so you don't want to go ask?

Teen: No...

Me: Does that mean you are ok with not wearing red? Are you sure?

Teen: Yeah.

Me: OK, so you are choosing to not wear what your mom considers dangerous.

Teen: Yep.

I'm not even sure why I think this is showing respect, but I think it is.

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"you can make me Oatmeal Chocolate Chip cookies"

2015-04-13T12:48:00.000-07:00

"It's good like to my neck.
"Oh, ok..." This was the answer of my 20 yr old son when I asked:
1. "How's your Love Cup?

"You can make me Oatmeal Chocolate Chip Cookies." was his answer to:
2. What is one thing I can do to fill it up a little?

Regardless of what the level is, you can always add a drop. So I made cookies! And it took forever.......I told Andrew "that was like a liter!!" We got a laugh out of it...my neighbor was joking he was probably drowning in love!

Just shipped some cookies off to Michigan and Maryland...filling his brothers Love Cups!

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"You can sit with me and hug me"

2015-04-11T10:47:00.001-07:00

"You can sit with me and hug me while we watch TV." This was the answer a 7yr old boy gave his mom when she saw he was sad and asked:
1. "How's your Love Cup?
2. What is one thing I can do to fill it up a little?

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"bien educado" = well-mannered

2015-02-19T12:17:00.001-08:00

In Spanish, when we say a child is well-educated, we say “está bien educado” – what we mean is that child is well-mannered. The Hebrew word for “education” comes from a word that means “to build up” and “to begin.” So to educate a child is to build up and to begin by laying the groundwork for the future. In the past, most of the focus has been on building young children’s academic skills in an effort to ensure they are prepared for school. In recent years, however, a growing body of research has demonstrated a strong link between young children’s social-emotional competence and their cognitive development, language skills, mental health and school success. So what is this important foundation called social-emotional competence?

All the things that make one truly successful. A person with an advanced degree, for example, without the following characteristics would not be considered a successful person. A truly successful individual or one who is “bien educado” is one who has/is:

· Self-Worth, Self-Respect, Confident, Motivated, Persistent, Hard Working, Positive Mental Attitude

· Disciplined, Goal Setter, Decisive, Organized, Dependable

· Humility, Learner

· Compassionate, Loving, Enthusiastic, Patient, Empathetic

· Communicator, Good Listener, Able to Resolve Conflicts,

· Friendly, Good Humor,

· Honesty, Integrity, Loyal, Dedicated

The amazing thing is that these are all the things we, parents, can teach our children and which build them up while laying the foundation to ensure they are prepared to succeed in school and in their future career. A good place to start is by reflecting on these qualities in ourselves because whether we like it or not, the most effective teaching strategy is our example.

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"Our World is Officially Broken" - Will Smith

2015-02-07T10:41:00.002-08:00

"Grades are getting low, the teens are getting high. That 12 year old is pregnant and her parents wonder why. A 1st grader is swearing, a 3rd grader has been raped. Just take a look around you, isn't the system great? Who isn't faded these days, teens are sending nudes, kids are getting beaten, the teachers see the bruises. No calls for help are spoken, teens are smoking weed, young girls are cutting, this isn't what we need. The marks of taunt and yelling, parents are divorced. That 14 year old is drinking beer, this can't get any worse. A little girl has killed herself, nobody seems to care. Another kid has been expelled for a stupid dare. But it needs to change. Our world is officially broken. It's time to take a stand; your thoughts need to be spoken."

It doesn't have to be like this. This is why I do what I do.

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MicroSoft Gaming, Coding and Designing Mini Camp

2015-02-04T12:38:00.001-08:00

YouthSpark Winter Camps- Smart Game Coding & Designing (Young Developers ages 11 to 13)

Events for Young Developers - Ignite your child's imagination with free camps that give students the chance to be creative with the latest technology

Date: Sunday, February 8, 2015

Time: 11:00 AM - 2:00 PM

Type: Office

Event details:

This camp has TWO sessions: Coding & Designing. Must stay for both to optimize best learning experience. *Create. Code. Play. Go behind the scenes and learn how to code, program, and play in your own gaming world. You’ll use kid-friendly programming to learn how creativity and problem solving come together to make something all your own. Campers will explore technologies like TouchDevelop and Windows App Studio, and become familiar with the coding environment, as they explore what’s possible when building an app. Camp curriculum designed for ages 11 to 13. Register today as camps fill up quickly. While your child is in camp, take a 30-minute course on topics such as online security, smart computing, and building a game with your child. The parent, legal guardian or authorized adult caregiver of every camp participant must remain in the Microsoft store for the duration of the event. *Design. Develop. Compete. Learn how to build, publish, and bring mobile games to life. Campers will learn how easy it is to code and create immersive customized game environments with Kodu and Project Spark. They will explore how to go beyond playing games with the strategy and creativity involved to design and develop games. Afterwards, they can even share them with friends and family. Camp curriculum designed for ages 11 to 13. Register today as camps fill up quickly.

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FREE 7 week Summer Camp at a local Tech Company like Facebook, Twitter, EA, Google, eBay, etc.

2015-02-03T02:00:00.000-08:00

I just came across this. There is a deadline and the application includes having to write an essay. Please share. These are the types of opportunities available to our teens right now, right here in our backyard. The high school graduation rate in Hayward is 58%. Help a young women see a reason to go to college!

What? "Girls Who Code" 7 week Summer Program

•FREE

•No Prior Experience Needed

•for 10th and 11th grade girls

•Transportation money available for low-income students

•Deadline to Apply: Feb 12

Girls Who Code is looking for passionate 10th or 11th grade girls in San Francisco Bay Area interested in computer science, web design or mobile development. Signups are open now through February 12.

The Girls Who Code Summer Immersion Program embeds 20 rising high school juniors and seniors inside a technology company or university setting from 9:00am - 4:00pm each day. Here, young women get hands-on experience in computing concepts, programming fundamentals, mobile phone development, robotics, and web development and design. Project-based curricular modules allow participants to build products and develop innovative solutions designed to inspire an interest in and encourage their pursuit of computer science.

Daily classroom instruction is paired with talks, demos, and workshops led by inspiring female entrepreneurs, CEOs, developers, designers, and computer science majors who serve as mentors and role models throughout the program, each aligned with the subject matter discussed that week. Field trips to the tech giants such as Google, Facebook, Twitter, AT&T, Gilt Groupe, Foursquare, and the News Corp allow the young women to envision a future for themselves in this career and begin networking with those in the field.

The Girls Who Code Summer Immersion Program curriculum is designed and research-proven to engage and encourage young women in computer science. Each topic, activity and speaker is chosen to empower the young women with the skills to contribute to their schools and communities.

“Our support for this initiative represents our commitment to invest in, encourage and empower more women pursuing opportunities in technology.”—Dick Costolo, CEO, Twitter

There’s no prior experience required, so true beginners are absolutely welcome!

Candidates who meet all of the following eligibility requirements are encouraged to apply. Applicants must:

1.Be a current sophomore or junior girl in high school.

2.Commit to attending the full 7-week long program in their respective location. The program runs Monday to Friday, 9am to 4pm daily. Students unable to attend for the full duration of the program due to other commitments (e.g. other summer programs, vacation plans) are not eligible. No exceptions.

3.Participants must commute to and from the program every day. Girls Who Code will work with participants to coordinate transportation support as needed. Housing and travel considerations for non-local students are not provided.

We value a diverse classroom and strongly encourage applications from:

1.All ambitious girls interested in exploring opportunities in technology and computer science.

2.Beginners Welcome! No prior experience in computer science required.

3.Girls from a various ethnic, racial, cultural and socioeconomic backgrounds. The program is free for all participants. Scholarship opportunities to cover transportation and lunch will be made available for students with limited financial resources

All ambitious girls interested in exploring opportunities in technology and computer science. Prior computer science experience is NOT required!

Girls of all ethnic, racial, cultural and socioeconomic backgrounds. The programs is free for all participants. Scholarship opportunities to cover transportation will be made available for students with limited financial resources.

EA will host one session this summer at the corporate headquarters in Redwood Shores - the closest location to Hayward, however the following companies are also hosting a 7 week session:

San Francisco Bay Area Locations:

Adobe: 6/15/2015 - 8/7/2015

Adobe: 6/8/2015 - 7/31/2015

GE, Intuit: 6/22/2015 - 8/7/2015

EA, eBay, Moody's, Square, Microsoft: 6/15/2015 - 7/31/2015

Google: 6/8/2015-7/24/2015

Facebook: 6/15/2015 -7/31/2015 or 6/22/2015 - 8/7/2015

Twitter: 6/8/2015 - 7/24/2015 or 6/15/2015 - 7/31/2015

Ready to apply? Visit www.girlswhocode.com/applynow.

Click on the "Sign Up to Start Application" Button

If you are interested in applying, watch this video from last year's program Girls Who Code Top 10 Application Questions (and Tips!)

Remember, signups close on February 12, so don’t miss out!

“Before joining this program, I basically knew nothing about computer science,” said 16-year-old Anah Lewi, student and one of the creators of Fit Me.

“Now I know Python, Javascript, some CSS, and HTML,” said Jocelyn Oquendo, the 16-year-old creator of Selfiesteem, an app that uses photography to help users improve their confidence. “I feel like I have that in the bag.” During the first week of the Summer Immersion Program, conducted inside AT&T’s New York City executive office in Rockefeller Center, the girls learned the basics of computer science with the programming language Python. The second week, they moved onto another programming language, JavaScript. Next, they worked on programming robots, mastering the JavaScript library jQuery (which was used to make their apps), and dabbling with HTML and CSS. Their summer was studded with field trips to hot tech spots around the city, including the AT&T AdWorks Lab, Google, and Foursquare. Women who work in the technology and engineering sectors met with them, too, like robotics engineer Sabrina Varanelli, who shared a story about working with a team of men and coming up with an ingenious use for nail polish in their project. “[The program] gave us enough basics so we can easily take what we learned and make something out of it,” said 16-year-old student Trinity Lawrence, one of the creators of Lit. “We have everyone’s contact info, and on the Facebook page they always post about hackathons and other events, so we can continue learning.”

http://www.thedailybeast.com/witw/articles/2014/08/27/at-t-gives-1-million-to-girls-who-code.html

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"gotta get in trouble so I can get help getting a job"

2015-01-27T13:12:00.002-08:00

As told to me by a mom in my parenting class:

"My son really wanted a job, but he couldn't get one. One day he told me he would have to end up in Juvenile Hall so he could get help getting a job. The next thing I knew he was being charged with grand theft for stealing a car. He now has a job and is back to doing great in school. He was doing great before."

No Comment.

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“did I ever make YOU take out the trash?!”

2015-01-27T06:55:00.000-08:00

Several people finished the series of parenting classes yesterday. One couple had two boys – 9 and 6 years old. The great thing is that both parents were there (that hardly ever happens). Last week, they brought both boys to class so I was able to help them brainstorm on a consequence for taking out the trash.

Mom said the problem was the trash...that he kept forgetting to take it out.

Me: Ok, so your mom says you keep forgetting to take the trash out. Is that true?

Boy: Yes.

Me: Ok, so do you know what trash she's talking about?

Boy: Yes...all the trash cans in the house..from the bedrooms, the bathroom, and the kitchen.

Me: And do you know how often she wants it taken out?

Boy: Yes...twice a week.

Me: Ok...so what days do you want to take it out on?

Boy: How about Tuesdays and Saturdays.

Me: Are you sure?? That's going to be really hard to remember.....how about if you do it everyday....so you get in the habit of doing it?

Boy: NO WAY.....

Me: Ok...let's set a deadline...how about by 8pm....on Tuesday and Saturday/

Boy: OK.

Me: Ok, so now let's think of a consequence to help you remember to take it out. Remember, the consequence is not so that your mom can give you the consequence, it's to help you remember to take the trash out...so it has to be a really bad consequence...something you do NOT want. The goal is for you to remember, not for you to get the consequence. Any ideas?

Boy: No......

Me: How about if you forget.... you have to give your mom a 30 minute foot rub on each foot!

Boy: NO.

Me: Ok...is there something you really care about?

Boy: My Kindle.....

Me: Hmm...what about you have to give it to your mom for 2 days?

Boy: Ughhh....

Me: Ok...how about for just one day?

Boy: yYah...that's better...

Me: I'm not sure that's a great one...how about something else...how about...if your forget to empty the trash cans, you have to wash them.

Boy: YUCK.............yuck............my dad spits in the trash cans and they're gross!!!

Me: Hmmmm.....looks like we found the perfect consequence....I don't think that with this consequence you're going to forget....Remember, the goal is for you to remember, not for you to wash out the trash cans. What do you say? Deal?

Boy: Deal.

This week, I asked mom how it had gone and she said Great!...with a big smile. However, after the class, they stayed and asked if they could talk to me. She shared mother (Grandma) had gotten really angry with her for making her son take out the trash. Grandma said “did I ever make YOU take out the trash?!” She said she had to hang up on her mom.......

Yes, unfortunately, these are the things we have to work against sometimes. Boundaries....boundaries...the grandma is overstepping her daughter's boundaries and has probably done so all her life. Whose kids' are they?

Being rich is not about how much you have, but about how much you can give.

2015-01-08T22:47:00.000-08:00

Our kids are always watching and learning from us. I learned from my mother today. My mother needed to renew her California ID Card. My son Andrew took her at 10am but said he had to leave by 1pm. I figured that was plenty of time...but it wasn't. At 1pm, I was at the local DMV trading places with him. I sat there for about 15 minutes and realized we were going to be there at least 2 more hours. My mom said she was hungry and I had not brought my laptop so I told her I would go home, make her a sandwich, get my laptop and come back. I made two honey, peanut butter and apple sandwiches and wrapped each half in saran wrap, separately. When I sat down next to her, I gave her two wrapped halves (she didn't know I had another two wrapped halves in my bag). The next thing I knew she was handing a half to the lady next to her - almost as soon as she was receiving them from me. Everybody was starving. That lady proceeded to cut her half in half to share with her friend. I pulled out another half sandwich and my mom gave it to her.

This quote, by the way, says: Being rich is not about how much you have, but about how much you can give.

This is so incredibly deep, because the more we give, the more we get. One of the greatest laws of this universe is the law of giving. So, give what you have of your – time, money, smiles, love, compliments, anything. Give your kids the example my mom gave me and they will be on their way to being rich!

Do you know the answer to this question?

2014-12-18T05:16:00.002-08:00

Our kids' behavior is like the tip of an iceberg - it is the only thing that is visible to us. What we are not able to see, however, are their feelings. We have no idea how they feel or more specifically if they "feel" loved. We, parents, know we love them, but the million dollar question is: do they "feel" loved?

That is why when your teen, for example, is moody and sensitive and/or angry, instead of allowing his/her behavior to dictate how you respond, learn to identify the real problem - an empty LoveCup - and ask them these two things:
1. Wait a minute....how's you LoveCup?
2. Is there one thing I can do to fill it up a little?

Beware: Your kids may do what mine did and start using it on you!

we were not mother and daughter...we were enemies"

2014-07-08T18:34:00.000-07:00

Mother of a 15 year old girl (before attending my parenting class):
"Before, we fought every day"
"I wanted to just belt her"
"we were not mother and daughter...we were enemies"
"they could hear us from outside"

Father:
"I would come in the front door and kept right on going out the back door.....I couldn't handle them"

After attending my parenting class:
"everything has been different"
"the atmosphere is light now....it's pleasing to enter our house now"
"I never again woke her up for school...she started getting up on her own and is stilling getting up on her own"
"now we help each other"
"we go out to eat"
"and another thing...she learned to say "no"...her friends no longer come in and help themselves to her clothes...before they would go into her closet and take things she hadn't even worn before without asking.....that is a thing of the past"

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2014-04-04T20:58:00.001-07:00

http://www.bayareainspireawards.org/

Dad Colors His Kids's Drawings

2014-03-17T16:22:00.001-07:00

I bet this kid's LoveCup was filled to the top when his dad did this: Cool Dad Colors His Kids' Drawings

Does your kid know what a Software Engineer does?

2014-02-27T17:40:00.001-08:00

I met a Software Engineer the other day who said his major was Math in college, but that he wanted to be part of what was happening here in San Francisco - the new Silicon Valley. San Francisco is a mecca for start-ups, they are all here. Software engineers (coders) write the programs (code) for all the apps we have on our phones, for Facebook, for Twitter, for Instagram, for Luminosity, for Bill.com, for Square, for DropBox, for Uber, etc., etc., etc....

Computer Science is the best paying college degree in the U.S. Image courtesy of Code.org

Microsoft Chairman Bill Gates, Facebook co-founder Mark Zuckerberg, and Twitter co-founder Jack Dorsey all recently supported Code.org’s video “What Most Schools Don’t Teach.” The clip stresses a growing worldwide shortage of coders, and that only 10% of American schools teach any kind of programming.

Code.org is a “non-profit whose goal is to expose all students to computer programming. We believe that computer programming is a liberal art; it's something EVERY student in the world should be exposed to at some point in their childhood.”

Code.org offers options straight from its homepage for students to start learning code, or for teachers to start bringing code to their schools. The amount of resources available for FREE to learn code are vast and overwhelming. Who needs college? Bill Gates didn’t!

Code.org’s online learning options include Scratch where you work on some lines of code in a left pane, and see the results on the right. Also offered are links to sites where you can learn coding online. At Code Academy, you can learn to code for free. Khan Academy’s “resources are available to anyone. It doesn't matter if you are a student, teacher, home-schooler, principal, adult returning to the classroom after 20 years, or a friendly alien just trying to get a leg up in earthly biology. Khan Academy's materials and resources are available to you completely free of charge.”
Code.org offers links to apps to teach kids coding set within games for Android with apps like LightBot, RoboLogic for IOS, or Kodu for Windows, and even xBox. Other online tutorials affiliated with Code.org include Lynda.com and Udemy. Lynda.com offers thousands of online courses and tutorials and offers programming tutorials on core languages like Java, C#, and HTML5. Universities are affiliated with Code.org as well. Coursera offers “free full university courses online taught by real professors.” You’ll also find resources to learn web programming, mobile app programming, and even resources to write code for robots!
So that you know where to go, what should you learn? Well, you’ll need to hone your math and basic computer science skills. When you work up to it, what programming languages should you be learning?

Jobstractor.com did an overview of the most sought after programming languages.
Here they are in order:

PHP
Java
Objective C
SQL
Android (Java)
Ruby
JavaScript
C#
C++
ActionScript
Python
C
ASP.NET

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8 Steps on How to Create a Family Mission Statement

2014-02-24T17:23:00.000-08:00

I first heard about family mission statements from Stephen Covey in his book: 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families. If they are good enough for companies, schools, hospitals, the military, etc., etc., they must be good for families. Where is your family headed?

What Is a Family Mission Statement?

“A family mission statement is a combined, unified expression from all family members of what your family is all about — what it is you really want to do and be — and the principles you choose to govern your family life.” -Stephen Covey

Before You Start: Understand the Process Is More Important Than the End Product

Before you start thinking about your family mission statement, decide together that you won’t get hung up on whether it “sounds good” or “looks right.” The end product is not as important as the process – this task of creating your family mission statement is where the real magic happens....and the power it has is like magic!

During the drafting process you’ll have a chance to have deep, meaningful conversations with your wife and kiddos about what’s really important in life.
You’ll have a chance to bond and connect as a family as you empathetically listen to each other.
As you share your vision for your family with your wife/husband and children as well as the values and principles you think should guide the family, their confidence in you as parents.

Simply having the discussion about values and principles as a family will guide your children to start thinking about these things in their daily lives, which, in my opinion is a big win itself.

So as you work through the steps outlined below, don’t get discouraged if you think it’s taking too long or isn’t going exactly how you wanted. In those moments when you feel like giving up and retreating back into default mode, just focus on the process. Remember, the important thing is that you’re intentionally starting a conversation on what it means for your family to be a family. This is not something you will finish in one meeting.

Step 1: Call a Special Family Meeting

While your role is to initiate and guide the process of drafting your family’s mission statement, every member of the family should have a say and be part of its creation. So the first step in creating a family mission statement is to hold a family meeting where everyone can take part in the discussion.
Covey recommends making these meetings special occasions. Maybe you can take a family vacation and set aside a day to brainstorm a family mission statement. You don’t even have to go far from home. Rent a hotel room nearby, order pizza, get everyone in their PJs, and start the discussion. The key is to make the occasion different from any other “family meeting” or night of the week.

Family Mission Statement Meeting Guidelines

To ensure a positive and productive family mission statement meeting, keep in mind the following guidelines:
Make sure everyone gets a say. As the family leader, don’t let a single person monopolize the discussion. Make sure everyone has a say. Remember, where there’s no involvement, there’s no commitment.
Listen empathetically. Even if you think your six-year-old is just spouting off weird six-year-old-things like “Our family loves pizza!”, really focus on listening to them. Kids, like any other human, want to feel like their contributions matter. If you don’t have kids and it’s just you and your wife/husband doing this exercise, really pay attention to what she/he has to say about what she imagines the family being like. You may discover that while you’re on the same page on most things, you might be in completely different books on other matters.

Write things down. Make sure someone is capturing all the ideas that get spit out during your family mission statement jam session. You’ll need to review the notes when you actually sit down to write out the statement. If you have older kids who can write, elect one of them to act as scribe and write down ideas on a dry erase board or easel pad so everyone can see. If those aren’t available, create a special “Family Mission Statement Journal” to capture ideas.

You don’t have to do this in one sitting. The last thing you want to do is to turn creating a family mission statement into a chore that your kids find unbearable. Having a marathon mission statement meeting will do that, especially if the kids are younger. Remember, the process is the most important thing, and you don’t have to crank out a completed family mission statement in one sitting! It’s okay to take it slow.

If you have younger kids (4-10 years old) try to keep your meetings between 15 and 30 minutes; if they’re older than 10, 30-45 minute sessions are probably best. If you have toddlers (18 months to 3 years old) you may consider waiting until they’re older before they take part in the family mission statement meeting. If you want to include them, don’t worry if there are interruptions, and try to explain to them what’s going on in terms they can understand.

Step 2: Ask Questions and Discuss What Your Family Is All About

Once you’ve got everyone gathered, it’s time to start talking about what your family’s mission is. As mentioned above, this is probably the most important part of the process. This is your chance to communicate with your children about your values and hear what they want their family to be like.
The easiest way to get ideas going for your mission statement is to ask questions that will foster a healthy discussion. Here are some suggested questions from The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families to help you do that:
Questions to Ask for Families of Two
Even if you don’t have children, that doesn’t mean you can’t (or shouldn’t) create a family mission statement. If you’re newly married, I think the exercise can be immensely beneficial. Marriages are made up of two different people who have different ideas or scripts on how a family “should” work. Maybe your wife comes from a family where both husband and wife are expected to contribute to household chores, while your family split tasks along more traditional gender lines. Or maybe your family rarely vacationed and never left the state when they did, while she comes from a family of globetrotters and can’t wait to take your future kids on their first trip to Europe.
If you want to avoid conflict early on in your marriage, you and your wife need to get on the same page when it comes to values, goals, and role expectations. Creating a family mission statement will help you do just that. Instead of living by the family scripts you saw as a child, you and your wife can create your own.
Below are some questions geared towards families of two to help you figure out what sort of family culture you want to create together:

What kind of marriage partners do we want to be?
What is the purpose of our marriage?
How do we want to treat each other?
How do we want to resolve our differences?
How can we both support each other in our respective goals?
How do we want to handle finances?
What kind of parents do we want to be?
What principles do we want to teach our children to help them prepare for adulthood and lead responsible, caring lives?
What roles will each of us have?
How can we best relate to each other’s families?
What traditions do we bring with us from the families in which we were raised?
What traditions do want to keep and create?
How do we want to give back?
Are there things from our respective family histories that we’re happy or unhappy with? How can we change them if we’re unhappy?

Questions to Ask for Families of Three or More

What is the purpose of our family?
What kind of family do we want to be?
What kinds of things do we want to do?
What kind of feeling do we want to have in our home?
What kind of home would you like to invite your friends to?
What embarrasses you about our family?
What makes you want to come home?
What do we want to be remembered by?
What kind of relationships do we want to have with one another?
How do we want to treat one another and speak to one another?
What things are truly important to us as a family?
What are the unique talents, gifts, and abilities of family members?
What are our responsibilities as family members?
What are the principles and guidelines we want our family to follow?
Who are our heroes? What it is about them that we like and would like to emulate?
What families inspire us and why do we admire them?
How can we contribute to society as a family and become more service-oriented?

Step 3: Make a List of Your Family’s Core Values

After you discuss and write down answers to the questions above, generate a list of your family’s values. You shouldn’t create a list of values you think you “should” have. These days with so many of us having a public, online identities in addition to our “real” lives, it can be hard to shake the feeling that you have an audience watching whatever you’re creating. Even if you have no intention of sharing your mission statement on Facebook, you may unconsciously try to create one you think others would “like” and be impressed by. But as author and business consultant Jim Collins argues, “If you come at this whole thing as ‘we should have value X’ and you don’t, the process will fail.”
Instead of imagining what you think other people would approve of, or what you’re “supposed” to value as a family, focus on those values and principles that truly resonate and inspire every member of your family. But how do you know if a value is really “core” to your family? Collins sets this standard:

“A core value is something so central you would say, ‘Even if it’s harmful to us, we would still hold on to this value. Even if we had to pay penalties, even if we had to punish our children for violating it, even if we had to deny them something that would bring them pleasure, we would still hold to it.’”

Make your list of values as big as you want – you’ll pare it down later. Here are some ideas to jog your thoughts:

Adventure
Creativity
Discipline
Education
Faith
Fun
Health
Honesty
Humor
God
Integrity
Kindness
Service

Step 4: Think of Phrases that Capture What Your Family Is All About

In addition to coming up with a list of values and principles that guide your family, Bruce Feiler, author of The Secrets of Happy Families, suggests brainstorming a list of phrases that really capture the goals and mission of your family. For example, Sean Covey’s (Stephen Covey’s son) family chose a line from the animated film Meet the Robinsons that captures their goal as a family: “Keep Moving Forward.”

Your phrases can come from books, movies, poems, or speeches. Or they can be catchphrases you completely make up yourselves.

Step 5: Decide on 10 (or Fewer) Big Ideas

You’ve now probably amassed a giant list of values/phrases/goals/ideas that could be included in your mission statement. While it’s temping to include every good value you can think of, a huge, unwieldy, and generic list that no one can remember will be meaningless and defeat the whole purpose of the exercise. So work to whittle your master list down to 10 (or fewer) “Big Ideas” that encapsulate your family’s mission.

If some of the things you listed are just two words describing the same idea, combine them.
Put a star by the values/phrases/goals/ideas everyone feels sure about.

Then take the concepts that you feel are important, but aren’t sure if they’re top 10 material, and put them in pairs. Think about two of those values side by side, and ask your family which of the two is more important. Then eliminate the other. Keep pitting the survivors against each other until you’re down to 10 or less.

One effective and democratic way to hone your list was described in The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families:

“We put all the words on a big flip chart and gave everyone ten votes. They could use up to three votes per item if they wished, but they could not spend more than ten votes in total. After the vote, we were left with about ten items that were important to everyone.”

Step 6: Write Out Your Family Mission Statement

Once you have your list of Big Ideas, it’s time to synthesize them into a single mission statement. Brace yourself – this can be difficult. Don’t expect to crank it out in a single sitting. As you write out your mission statement, keep in mind the following guidelines:

Keep it short. Mission statements work best if they’re kept short, because short is memorable. If you turn your family mission statement into something that rivals Ulysses in length, it becomes utterly useless. Give yourself a low maximum word count. Writing always turns out better when you place constraints on it because it forces you to really think about what you put down. Try to keep your mission statement under 100 words.

Make it collaborative. Your family might decide to delegate the writing process to you. But you can also suggest doing it collaboratively. For example, task each member of the family with writing phrases for 2-3 of your Big Ideas. Then have them present their work for family discussion and approval.

Even if you do most of the writing yourself, get plenty of feedback from the other members of your family and give them a final vote of approval.

There isn’t one right way to write a family mission statement. Some families write out their mission statement essay style; others create a bullet point list of the values that they strive to live by. Both are fine, as well as any number of other creative formats. In The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families, Covey mentions a few families that even wrote their mission statement as a song. That’s cool. A little too Osmond-y for my tastes, but hey, to each their own.

Take as much time as you need. Write, edit, and re-write until everyone is happy with the final product. This is something you’ll look to for years and years, so it’s okay if it takes a few weeks to get it just right.
To give you some ideas on what a family mission statement could look like, here are two examples from The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families:

Our family mission is to:
Value honesty with ourselves and others.
Create an environment where each of us can find support and encouragement in achieving our life’s goals.
Respect and accept each person’s unique personality and talents.
Promote a loving, kind, and happy atmosphere.
Support family endeavors that better society.
Maintain patience through understanding.
Always resolve conflicts with each other rather than harboring anger.
Promote the realization of life’s treasures.

Our family mission:
To love each other…
To help each other…
To believe in each other…
To wisely use our time, talents, and resources to bless others…
To worship together…
Forever.

I liked author Bruce Feiler’s family mission statement (which was drafted with input from his five-year-old):

May our first word be adventure and our last word be love.
We live lives of passion.
We dream undreamable dreams.
We are travelers not tourists.
We help others to fly.
We love to learn.
We don’t like dilemmas, we like solutions.
We push through. We believe!
We know it’s okay to make mistakes.
We bring people together.
We are joy, rapture, yay!

Finally, here’s the current version of the McKay family mission statement:

We love and serve God.
We strive to make our home a refuge from the cares and troubles of the world.
We do hard things.
We’re creators, not consumers.
We stay hungry and humble.
We face adversity with stoicism.
We show kindness to our family members and others.
We help each other reach our potential.
We’re devoted to life-long learning.
We know that sacrifice brings forth the blessings of heaven.
We face life with a sense of humor and a lot of laughter.

Step 7: Hang Your Family Mission Statement in a Prominent Place in the House
Once your family is happy with the mission statement, consider printing it up on some high falootin’ fabric paper, framing it, and then hanging it up in a prominent place in the house. Now you have a constant visual reminder of what your family is all about and what you’re striving for together. Allow yourself to be guided by it. It's a much better idea to say: "remember, we said it was important to....."

Step 8: Refer to Your Mission Statement Daily & Use It

A family mission statement is useless if you don’t use it. As you go about your day-to-day life, be intentional (there’s that word again!) about finding teaching moments in which you can refer back to your family mission statement.

Step 9: Re-Draft When Appropriate

Families change as the years go by — kids get older and life-changing events occur. Feel free to adjust your mission statement when you think it’s appropriate, but don’t make it a frequent occurrence. It should be like amending the U.S. Constitution — rarely and with reservation.

Here is a link with some other sample family mission statements:

http://home-school-coach.com/family-mission-statement-more-examples/

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The Shriver Report

2014-02-17T16:47:00.001-08:00

The Shriver Report profiles women living on the brink of poverty who are often one small crisis - a parking ticket, a sick child, a broken down bus - away from losing their jobs and getting deeper into financial security.

http://shriverreport.org/get-the-latest-published-shriver-report-free/

Internships with Top Tech Companies

2014-02-14T11:56:00.002-08:00

Parenting is about helping to guide our kids. Here is a resource:

We need Blacks and Latinos to enter the tech workforce at a greater rate, and to stay and succeed there as engineers, technologists, thought leaders, executives, and entrepreneurs.

It's economics and social justice.

The CODE2040 Fellows Program
CODE2040's flagship program is our summer Fellows Program which places high performing Black and Latino/a software engineering students in internships with top tech companies and provides mentorship, leadership training, and network development. The Fellows Program started in the Bay Area in 2012 with a pilot class of 5 Fellows, returned for a second summer in 2013 with 18 Fellows and will expand again in the summer of 2014.

The Fellows Program is designed to accelerate students' success, fast-tracking them to becoming tech leaders. We place heavy emphasis on paying it forward. Our Fellows will be the mentors, role models, and beacons of light for underrepresented students coming after them, inspiring a new generation to pursue technology by demonstrating that it is a viable option for "people who look like me." Our alumni programming supports our Fellows in this quest and the pursuit of becoming tech leaders. Students can apply to the Fellows Program at apply.code2040.org.

Want the latest stats on the issue CODE2040 is addressing? Check out the Tech's Big Opportunity Gap Infographic.

STEM (science, technology, engineering, and mathematics) jobs are the fastest-growing category of jobs in the United States, and 70% of those jobs involve computing.

Computer science jobs command some of the highest starting salaries in the US: $77,000 per year -- about twice the median household income of a Black or Latino family.

The unemployment rate for STEM workers is lower than for all workers; the unemployment rate for African-Americans and Latinos is 3x the nationwide rate.

Software developers are in demand: at the current rate we are graduating computer scientists, there will be 1MM software jobs unfilled by 2020.

Fewer than 4% of Black and Latino students study computer science and only 1 in 14 technical employees in the tech hub of Silicon Valley is Black or Latino.

The US will be majority-minority in the year 2040, and 42% of the country will be Black or Latino.

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'Is My Daughter Fat?'

2014-01-23T11:14:00.001-08:00

What do you believe about your child? I was praising one of my sons for getting an A on a test and his response was: You seem surprised...'

We laughed about it, but it showed me what I believed about my son. Do you believe like the majority (according to this article) that it's more important for boys to be smart?

http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/4647250