Just sharing a s’mores mug cake today. That can be made in 5 minutes.

You know… NO BIG DEAL.

Since you’re asking, yes… I have always thought the whole “cake in a mug in a microwave” thing was sort of skeevy. Well, until I was feeling superbly lazy last week and housing a mad chocolate craving. Like, really mad. So I gave it a try.

And another.

Annnnnd maybe another. Oops.

And another?

Then I thought… is there anything in the world that I’m more obsessed with than s’mores? Umm nope. There isn’t. But just so you know, I’m also allowed to say that about guacamole, Ryan Gosling and chocolate peanut butter. So stop looking at me that way.

In minutes, with a few tweaks and twists and makeshift graham crusts and marshmallow middles, I had a s’mores mug.

And it was just SO… FUDGEY.

Sidebar: for years as a quick treat, I’ve melted butter in a bowl, added graham cracker crumbs, thrown on some chocolate chips and marshmallows then stuffed it in the microwave for 10 seconds. Then I usually burn the roof of my mouth because I’m so impatient and inhale it anyway.

And you know what?

This is like, A BILLION TIMES BETTER.

Sorry for the shouting, but it’s necessary. !!!

This is a much more practical, easier, quicker version of my smore’s cake in a jar, with marshmallows stuffed in the center and even a few healthier adjustments.

I want to marry this mug. Don’t judge me.

And if you love someone (like yourself), this would be an outstanding choice for a fast Valentine’s Day dessert. So… love yourself. PUHlease.

5 Minute Chocolate Fudge S’mores Mug Cake

[adapted from food network]

makes 1 serving, can easily be doubled

2-3 tablespoons graham cracker crumbs

3 1/2 tablespoons unsalted butter, melted

2 tablespoons granulated sugar

1 large egg

1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract

1/4 cup whole wheat pastry flour

2 tablespoons unsweetened cocoa powder (mine was dark cocoa, hence the dark color)

1/8 teaspoon baking powder

pinch of salt

1 1/2 ounces milk chocolate (chopped or morsels)

marshmallow fluff, cream or actual marshmallows

Combine 3 tablespoons butter and 1 ounce of chocolate in a small bowl, then melt in the microwave for 20-30 seconds. Set aside. In another bowl, combine remaining melted butter with 2-3 tablespoons of graham cracker crumbs and stir until moistened. Press graham crumbs into the bottom of your mug.

In a bowl. whisk egg, sugar and vanilla until smooth. Add in flour, baking powder, salt and cocoa, stir until a thick batter forms. Stream in melted butter and chocolate, mixing to combine. Fold in remaining chocolate chips. Add half of the mixture on top of the graham crust, then throw on a scoop of marshmallow fluff/cream or a few marshmallows. Add remaining batter on top, then pop in the microwave for 1 minute and 40 seconds to 2 minutes. Remove and top with additional marshmallow if desired. You can pop it back in the microwave for 5-10 seconds to make them melty, or pop them directly under the broiler for about 10 seconds to toast if desired. You can also use a kitchen torch if you have one. Sprinkle with graham crumbs!

Notes: If you don’t have whole wheat pastry flour, you can use all-purpose. I would not recommend using regular whole wheat. Additionally, I have made this by substituting coconut butter for the full amount of butter. It was just as delicious, albeit slightly drier. You cannot taste coconut at all. Finally, take into account the power of your microwave. Mine has a mind of it’s own and is insanely powerful, so I cooked this on 80% power. Judge accordingly and add/subtract a few minutes of cooking if you know your’s is wonky too.

And that’s Friday for you.

Because if you could see the state of my house right now you’d probably cry.

I’ve been playing single lady for two days and when this happens… I don’t clean up after myself. Ever.

I make fast and furious meals, if they can even be called such, so I can hurry back to my Felicity marathon. I peel the labels off of wine bottles while I’m drinking glasses and think about making pretty collages with them even though I don’t have a crafty bone in my body. So I just drink more wine and peel more labels.

I experiment with extra-glittery eye shadow and wonder when I became too old to wear my prized Urban Decay Uzi or streak my underlashes with hot pink liner. I light about 67 candles and really, really, REALLY blast my Taylor Dayne Pandora station until I’ve sufficiently had enough of Whitney Houston. Which, let’s be honest – is never.

I get sort of depressed that my husband will actually be home when The Vow comes out in theaters because if he wasn’t, I would use that as a perfectly good excuse to drop everything I’m doing in the middle of the afternoon and go see it by myself with about 8 million snacks. I love snacks.

I make blanket forts on the couch and research random celebrity lives on wikipedia and buy 16 magazines in one day because I feel like I’m on vacation and then read them while I eat dip for dinner.

It’s true… it’s a problem. An excellent one.

Oh I also eat a lot of pickles and olives. I don’t know. It’s just a thing I do.

I need to talk about coconut milk. I am a girl possessed. And a girl obsessed.

It’s no secret that I’ve always adored all things coconut, but lately we’ve been going through can after can after can after can after… yeah. And I only use a cup or so at a time, or maybe even less, so I’m left with all these stupid half-open cans of coconut milk in my fridge. Which is an awesome problem to have, if you are handy and creative and not wasteful.

Unfortunately, I am none of those things. After throwing out three perfectly full-but-now-gross cans last week (frown), I’d had enough.

Besides wanting to slather it all over my body and take a coconut milk bath, I constantly want to ingest it. I mean… I love it in EVERYTHING. Even vegetables. So weird. I know. I know you guys!

Is this weird?

I just know that’s what you’re thinking. Beans and garlic and citrus and coconut milk? I haven’t been smoking a thing, I swear. But I uh, HAVE been putting coconut milk in just about everything.

You probably shouldn’t combine it with the pickles and olives. You know… FYI.

This dip is creamy from the coconut milk and caramely from the garlic and a little refreshing from the citrus and perfect spread on an entire box of crackers for your lunch or dinner, with a side of apples and peanut butter and some chunks of cheese. And it’s allll yours. Do the darn thing.

Coconut Milk + Citrus White Bean Spread

makes about 3/4 cup dip

1 can (15 oz) cannellini beans, drained and rinsed

1 bulb of roasted garlic

zest of 1 orange

2 tablespoons freshly squeezed orange juice

1/4-1/3 cup canned light coconut milk

1/4 teaspoon salt

1/4 teaspoon pepper

Add beans and roasted garlic to a food processor and pulse then process until combined and smooth. Add in orange juice and zest, pulsing to combine, then with the processor on stream in coconut milk. Season with salt and pepper, then taste and add additional salt or coconut milk if desired. Top with green onions or anything else delicious you like. Serve immediately. Can be stored in the fridge for 2-3 days.

Done being weird.

Seriously. DYING. No exaggeration. I mean, I am not a dramatic person or anything.

And it’s not even because of the RECIPE. It’s because of so much more. This soup encompasses the entire reason I started this blog… to tell you about my short  little legally blind and deaf, fluffy haired, housecoat wearing Betty White-esque grandmother.

Mother Lovett made the bean soup of all bean soups. It was my mom’s favorite comfort food (besides cake for breakfast) and while it took me a few years to get on board, when I did I fell off the ledge. IN LOVE.

So when I started this blog, her soup was #1 on my list to share because it was just SO GOOD. Definitely caps lock worthy. But… but what’s that you say? It’s been nearly 30 months and no bean soup has been shared? Well… I was afraid to buy a ham.

For real. I was afraid to buy ham with a bone inside it. Two years ago my mom warned me that it might be difficult to find in our local grocery store, and that I should probably talk to the butcher. Um… what? I don’t even like to call for pizza. I’m the world’s biggest procrastinator. I can’t talk to a stranger, especially about something I’m completely unfamiliar with. Because here’s a secret: I hate ham. Good news: if you hate ham, you will probably like the soup. I swear.

And P.S. if you’re wondering if I could ever survive in the real world, the answer is no.

Two winters have since passed and I finally begged my mom take me to the store and do my dirty work because I am still a (very immature) child. Guts… I have none. I excitedly left with an armful of bone-in ham (hahahaha) after having to speak to no one and then my mom recited the recipe to me from heart since it wasn’t written down ANYWHERE. I was skeptical about the beans because Mother Lovett never soaked them and pretty much cooked this soup all.day.long.  Yes… this is like an 8-hour soup. I know that’s far from practical and makes you start to seize, but I wanted to make this soup as authentically as possible. I did exactly what Mother Lovett did. My house smelled incredible. An electrician was here halfway through and I think I saw him leave with drool on his chin.

Oh but what I didn’t do was stick hot pink rollers in my hair after washing it in the sink.

I might do that tonight though.

Anyway. The soup was perfect – exactly as I remembered and delicious even for this ham-hater. I forced it down the throats of many other family members who delivered the same response – “tastes just like Mother Lovett’s!”

Fast forward 24 hours to a very late dinner and three empty bottles of wine, my mom and I tell my aunt that I successfully made enough bean soup to feed a small country. She recalls her memories of Mother Lovett prepping for bean soup day, adding in “…and the day before, she soaked the beans…”

UHHHH WHAT THE WHAT? My mom swears she didn’t soak the beans. My aunt, her only other child, swears she did soak the beans. The remaining restaurant patrons (I say remaining because at this point, let’s be honest… it’s like 1AM and everyone’s toasted) hate our guts because of the obnoxious, copious wine consumption and a 45-minute argument over bean-soaking at a decibel loud enough to beat out Mariah’s 1995 soprano pitch.

That was three weeks ago… and they are still arguing. Loudly. I dunno people. I didn’t soak the beans. I don’t think she soaked the beans. Somewhere my aunt is seething, screaming SHE SOAKED THE DAMN BEANS!

Still, the soup was comfort in a bowl. Like a big hug from Mother Lovett that left you feeling all warm and gooey inside but didn’t leave you sparkling from her Ciara perfumed lotion.

It was everything I wanted. Well, almost.  

Mother Lovett’s Bean Soup

makes a GIANT pot, at least 12 servings

1 tablespoon olive oil

1 large sweet onion, chopped

3 cloves of garlic, minced

64 ounces of low-sodium stock

32 ounces of water

1 pound dry navy beans

3-3 1/2 pound ham with bone in

2 pounds of potatoes (yukon gold or idaho), peeled and cubed

1/4 teaspoon black pepper

Dump beans into a bowl, cover with water and rinse well, finishing with a rinse in a colander. Set aside.

Heat a very large stock pot over medium-low heat and add olive oil. Add onion and cook for 4-5 minutes until soft, then add in garlic and cook for 30 seconds more until fragrant. Throw in ham and beans, then add in chicken stock and water. Bring to a boil, reduce to a simmer, then cover and let cook for 4 hours.

After 4 hours, add the potatoes, cover again and cook for 2-3 hours more, stirring occasionally. Towards the end, the potatoes should break down causing the soup to become starchy. The ham should also fall right off the bone – remove the bone before serving and shred any ham chunks with forks. Season with salt and more pepper if desired – I found that I did not need to add any salt given the ham + chicken stock, so taste first. Serve hot! I store huge containers of this in the freezer for up to 6 months. Yum yum.

Note: I have not tried this in the crockpot, but I am pretty sure that it would work if the beans are rinsed, then the whole mixture (including the potatoes) are cooked for 8-12 hours. Additionally, you can use canned beans (rinse and drain), cut the ham into pieces and cook the soup for a shorter time – perhaps 1-2 hours (depending on how tender you want your ham. haha.).

The end.

1. Last week my mom was dying over this video of Kristen Bell, so I had to jump on the bandwagon. I pretty much watch it once a day. Someone needs a life!

2. I also had the same reaction as the video above when I learned that James Taylor will be in Pittsburgh this year. And yes, I’ve seen him a million times and yes, I am going no.matter.what. Gahhh! I’m seriously 60 years old… I can barely take it.

3. Oh oh oh, I also had that reaction when I learned Jersey Boys is coming back to Pittsburgh, because if you’ve been reading long enough you might remember that I went through a phase of about four solid months when I listened to NOTHING ELSE but the soundtrack. Literally nothing else. All day long. Why am I not single? This doesn’t seem right.

4. Well maybe it seems right since I cook enough food for an army. Then I remember that my husband has framed autographed pictures of wrestlers still hanging on the walls.

5. I’m not much of a cracker person, but I seriously cannot stop eating these Blue Diamond Smokehouse Nut Thins. O.M.G. I want to cover myself in a blanket of these and eat my way out. It’s sort of like bacon covering a cracker. But not.

6. Um, but I think that might be my dinner tonight. Bacon on a cracker FTW.

7. This is a picture of my new favorite snack. Salt on pepper on hard-boiled eggs on hummus on toast. In my mouth.

8. Speaking of all this food, I roasted a wedge of cabbage for the first time today to see if just maaaaaaaybe I could handle it. It was okay, sort of like a massive brussels sprout, but then it was just… SO MUCH. No can do.

9. On the other hand… this salad may make me want to eat vegetables for the rest of my life.

10. After a wild Saturday night date of church and Chipotle, we watched the Ides of March and yes, I did almost have a heart attack. Thank you for asking. Clooney and Gosling on one screen? Illegalness.

11. Know what makes me insanely giddy? This.

12. Especially because now I’m not the only one who looks like that when I eat a cupcake.

But wait. First let’s talk about how I apologized to my dishwasher last night. Seriously. I did.

No, I was not being facetious. I didn’t even realize I was asking my kitchen appliance for forgiveness until I opened the door mid-cycle (hello spa day) and cried “oh sorry. this will just be a second,” and retrieved a spatula that I needed RIGHT THIS MINUTE.

SO yeah. Now I am carrying on conversations with inordinate, nonhuman objects in my home. Wait. Did that make sense? I don’t even know if that’s the right word. But none of it makes sense because I talked to my dishwasher 12 hours ago. Like it was a person. And I am not joking in the least. It felt… normal?

And no I wasn’t drunk.

But I would have liked to be. In fact I’d like to be drunk right now because I’m feeling a weeee bit insecure sharing what I’m, uh… really like.

Beer me a muffin please!

Nowwwww let’s make muffins.

Are you one of those weird people that doesn’t really like chocolate with citrus? I am. That’s why I’m allowed to say that. And, you know… call you weird. Because I’ve always thought the chocolate-citrus (especially orange) combo was pukey. Oh yes! That’s a new word. Write it down.

Oh but you probably shouldn’t use it in relation to something food-like that you are trying to sell delicious appeal for to your invisible internet friends.

I’ve just never been a fan of chococitrus things. But I’ve decided that needs to change, so I made these extra delicious and fluffy muffins. Sort of like how my 24/7 brown butter mindset needs to change and how the dent in my couch cushion from me, um… sitting on it…. needs to change and how my I-don’t-clean-up-after-myself-because-I-think-I’m-special syndrome needs to change. Like yesterday.

Wait again. I’m asking a lot of myself today. I’m just going to go eat a muffin. Or at least the crunchy top.

Crunchy-Top Chocolate Chip Orange Muffins

[adapted from my oatmeal chocolate chip cookie muffins]

makes 12 muffins

1 cup whole wheat pastry flour

1/2 cup all-purpose flour

1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder

1/4 teaspoon salt

1/3 cup granulated sugar

1 cup milk (any kind will work)

1/4 cup freshly squeeze orange juice

1 large egg

2 teaspoons vanilla extract

1/2 stick unsalted butter, melted

zest of two oranges

3/4 cup milk chocolate chips, tossed in a bit of flour

crunchy topping

3/4 cup brown sugar

1/2 teaspoon cinnamon

1 tablespoon flour

2 tablespoons softened butter

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Line a muffin tin with liners. Mix the topping ingredients together in a bowl and set aside.

In a large bowl, whisk together flours, baking powder, salt and sugar to remove all lumps. Measure out milk, then to the measuring cup add in orange juice, vanilla and egg, mixing to combine. Add to dry ingredients, mixing until just combined, then add in melted butter and orange zest, stirring until mixed. Fold in chocolate chips.

Using a 1/4 cup measure, scoop batter equally into liners. Top each with brown sugar topping, then bake for 15-18 minutes, or until muffins are set. Serve with butter! Duh.

Cupcakes for breakfast!

It’s Monday, so you’re probably thinking about eating something very rabbit-esque, like lettuce or carrots or maybe even some slightly seasoned baked salmon. No beer, no wine, nothing with flavor and certainly nothing with cheese. Because it’s Monday. And if you can’t get your health together on Monday? Well, it might not ever happen. Like never. Right?

Oh and to complicate matters even more, you ate like 16 bajillion calories yesterday including 34 scoops of [insert extremely decadent name here] dip. And then you came home and polished off an entire box of Trader Joe’s ice cream bon bons.

Oh wait. That was me. I got us confused for a second. My apologies. [P.S. they're really good and you should buy ten boxes next time you're there.]

Back to dinner. You want to “start the week off right!” so you’re planning a lovely feast of romaine and possibly some tuna from a pouch of and then some sort of vegetable that you bought even though it’s highly out of season, cost you $3 and is already a mushed and molded mess. But it’s a vegetable. And it’s Monday. So you’ll eat it. And starve.

Hi, it’s me. I’m inside your mind!

But that’s boring. Because I said so. And I don’t believe in such torturous practices because, well… you’re awesome. I like you. And you’re deserving of something delicious.

This shrimp doesn’t seem like much, but would you look at it?! Super simple and piled with tons upon tons of flavor.

I think you’ll like it. Make Monday happy.

Spicy Parmesan Shrimp Skillet

serves 2-4

1 pound raw peeled and deveined shrimp

1/3 cup olive oil

1/4 cup parmesan cheese

4 garlic cloves, minced

2 teaspoons brown sugar

2 teaspoons soy sauce

1/2 teaspoon red pepper flakes

2 cups uncooked whole wheat penne

In a bowl, whisk olive oil, parmesan, brown sugar, soy sauce, garlic and red pepper flakes together. Add shrimp to a large ziplock bag, pour marinade over top, then seal bag and shake to coat. Place in the fridge to marinate for 30 minutes… or 2-4 hours… or overnight if desired!

When ready to eat, bring water to boil in a large pot and cook penne according to directions. While pasta is cooking, heat a large skillet over medium-high heat. Add shrimp and marinade (just dump the entire contents of the bag into the skillet), then cook shrimp until pink – about 2 minutes per side. Be careful not to overcook! As soon as shrimp is finished, add penne into the skillet and toss to coat completely. Top with additional parmesan cheese and sliced green onions, then serve.

And you can, uh… toss some vegetables or something in there too if you want. As usual… if you’re into that baloney.

This COULD be your dinner. Or a snack. Or maybe… breakfast?

You wouldn’t want to tick it off or anything.

Because um… look at it.

Yeah.

A few years ago I made a somewhat healthified version of one of my favorite appetizers. Ever since then I’ve been dreaming of other things to stick inside there. Soooooo…

The BBQ flavor combo is just one of many things I have a crush on, including chocolate peanut butter, a stack full of magazines, new mascara and the cold side of the pillow.

And when I say BBQ combo, I’m talking BBQ sauce smothered chicken, sweet caramelized onions, melty sharp cheddar cheese and… bacon. Oh baby!

So sure, this could be the perfect snack on Sunday, or it could just be the perfect snack… whenever. Like now.

I mean, let’s be honest. The only reason I’m gonna cheer for any team to win the game is highly dependent on the attractiveness of their quarterback.* Other than that, it’s all about the food and an excellent reason to consume massive amounts of margaritas.

BBQ Chicken Stuffed Sweet Potato Skins

makes 12 sweet potato skins, is easily multiplied

6 medium sweet potatoes (I find the ones that are more fat + round work best)

3 boneless, skinless chicken breasts, cooked and shredded

1/2-3/4 cup of your favorite BBQ sauce

1 cup freshly grated sharp cheddar cheese

1/2 teaspoon salt

1/4 teaspoon pepper

1 medium red onion, thinly sliced

2 teaspoons olive oil + more for brushing

2 slices bacon, cooked and crumbled

fresh cilantro for topping

Preheat oven to 400 degrees F. Cut sweet potatoes in half lengthwise, then lay them cute side down on a foil-lined baking sheet. Bake for 30-35 minutes, or until soft. One finished, let cool until you can touch them.

While potatoes are baking, heat a skillet over medium-low heat and add olive oil. Add sliced onions and 1/4 teaspoons salt, then cook until caramelized, stirring occasionally, for 15-20 minutes. Add shredded chicken to a bowl and mix with 1/3 cup BBQ sauce. Set aside.

Once potatoes are cool enough to handle, scoop out sweet potato flesh, leaving just the slightest bit in the skin. Set aside about half of the sweet potato flesh, saving it for later use. Take the other half and mash it with 1/4 cup cheddar cheese, 1/4 teaspoon salt and pepper. Take the potato skins and place them bake on a baking sheet cut-side down, then brush or spray the skin with olive oil and sprinkle with salt and pepper if desired. Cook for 10 minutes, then flip and cook for 3-4 minutes more.

Remove skin from the oven and fill each with about 1-2 tablespoons of the cheddar sweet potato mash, some BBQ chicken, bacon and caramelized red onions (I didn’t measure anything, just used my hands to stuff the stuff in each potato. You can’t go wrong here!). Top with additional cheddar and place on the baking sheet, repeating with remaining potatoes. Bake for 4-5 minutes more, then serve hot and top with cilantro.

Note: you can prep these ahead of time and they will still be delicious, the only downside is that the skins may not be quite as crispy.

*I clearly hide nothing from you.

And! Let’s take a moment thank the heavens above that I do or else… nary a vegetable would cross my lips.

And in order to continue this… fondness… I have for the little green chunks o’ love, I gotta make sure they don’t overstay their welcome. Ever.

Because I can’t get sick of the one plant type thing I’ve got going on. !! Duh.

Now now… I realize I’m eliminating a majority of the population here with coconut AND brussels sprouts. I mean… most normal people ahbor tiny cabbages. A ton of other people think coconut should be eliminated from planet Earth. Frankly, I think they should be eliminated and leave me some alone time with my coconut. I’m possessive, needy and insecure.

For some of you (like ummmm, my husband), this is your ultimate worst nightmare. I could not combine anything more disgusting, right? Well… go sit over there in the corner and leave me be, because I’m hungry.

I pan-roasted the heck out of the brussels until caramely, added some coconut to toast, drizzled on some lite coconut milk and then ate them like there was no tomorrow. Delicious. We  (and I really just mean I) served them with those maple-glazed pork chops and pesto mac and cheese… then fell into food comas for four days. My kinda sleep.

Coconut Toasted Brussels

serves 2-4

1 pound brussels sprouts, stems removed and quartered

1/4 teaspoon salt

1/4 teaspoon pepper

pinch of nutmeg

1 1/2 tablespoons coconut oil, melted

2 tablespoons lite coconut milk

2-3 tablespoons toasted, shredded coconut

Add quartered brussels to a bowl and sprinkle with salt, pepper and nutmeg. Drizzle with coconut oil and toss to coat.

Heat a skillet oven medium-high heat and once hot, add brussels. Cook for 6-8 minutes, stirring occasionally until toasted and charred. Reduce heat to low and stir in coconut milk. Stir in 2 tablespoons toasted coconut, then transfer to a bowl to serve. Top with remaining toasted coconut.

I’ll totally make this up to you tomorrow.

And we learn that possesses has a heck of a lot of s’s.

It’s not that I don’t LIKE it. I do. It’s just not the first thing I think of when I’m all OMGIneedfoodnow. I’m simply not a bread person and can easily pass up the dinner basket unless I’m starvvvving. Which yeah… feels like all the time.

But still, I prefer to think of bread as a vehicle for something much more delicious. Like smashed avocado with sea salt and lime. Or a plate full of olive oil sprinkled with parmesan cheese and minced garlic. Or really creamy peanut butter with a layer of melted chocolate chips. Or melty brie topped with macerated strawberries. Or even… cut into little cubes and mixed with bacon and other delicious bites then doused with gravy on that thing we call Thanksgiving.

That’s what I think of bready stuff. And believe me, I thank my lucky stars that I don’t have the bread addiction like so many others, but I MORE than make up for it with a cheesecake, cookie, pizza and mac and cheese addiction. Pick your poison.

Now the kicker: things like buttermilk biscuits, cornbread and banana bread don’t really fall under those specifications because, well… they are buttermilk biscuits, cornbread and banana bread.

And bagels too. I love bagels as much as the next guy (but really, who IS that even?), however they gotta meet these three conditions:

They must be fresh.

They must be PERFECTLY toasted. Like, perfectly.

They must be blanketed by a spread or sandwich-like things.

If right about now you are thinking “wow, this chick is seriously high maintenance and I feel bad for those within a 16 mile radius of her”… then you are certainly right.

I am.

[And if you know anyone else that posts pictures of their very dirty home appliances on the internet, you should probably send them my way. I clearly need friends.]

Last week I stopped by my parents’ house and on the counter I spied a BAG full of asiago bagels. After I checked the fridge… of course. That’s always the very first thing I do. Obviously.

But wait… why do parents always have the best food? Why do things taste like five kajillion times better at their house?

Why do I want to consume food that I normally don’t even care about when I visit, like gumdrops and buttered rum muffins and two-week old cold pizza and stale-but-buttery Ritz crackers?

Whyyyyyyyy?

If I love bagels, I love asiago cheese bagels like sixty times more. If I found it feasible to waste a day’s worth of calories on bread alone, I would trek to Panera every single freaking day.

Oh but wait. I don’t have to. Because I MADE MY OWN. And they are easy. Promise. Super promise. It only took me four or five tries, which yeah, was a massive pain, but now? I have asiago cheese bagels for life.

Homemade Asiago Cheese Bagels

[adapted from both foodnetwork and king arthur flour]

makes 12-15 bagels

10-12 ounces freshly grated asiago cheese

2 cups warm water

2 packets active dry yeast

2 tablespoons honey

3 cups all-purpose flour

2 1/2 cups bread flour

1 teaspoon salt

1 tablespoon brown sugar (for the water bath)

vegetable oil for brushing

In the bowl of your electric mixer fitted with a dough hook, combine water, yeast and honey, stir to combine, then let sit until foamy, about 10-15 minutes. Once foamy, gradually add in 2 cups of all-purpose flour and 2 cups of bread flour with the mixer on low speed. After 5 minutes or so, if the dough is still sticky, add the remaining bread flour and 1/2 cup all-purpose flour and mix until combined. Remove the dough from the bowl (it should be thick and stiffer than most yeast breads) and knead a few times with your hands, forming it into a ball. Add the remaining all purpose flour if the dough is still sticky.

Brush a large bowl with oil and place the dough inside, turning to coat. Cover and let rise in a warm place (I turn on my oven and set it on top) until it’s double in size – about 1 hour.

Once doubled, punch down the dough and place it on your counter, using a little more flour if needed to prevent it from sticking. Divide the dough into 12 pieces (I actually got 15) that are 2.5-3 ounces each. Using your kitchen scale here is priceless! Rolls the dough into balls, then places on an oiled baking sheet, cover and let rise for 30 minutes. At this time, grate your cheese and place it in a large bowl.

After 30 minutes, fill a large pot with water and add brown sugar, letting it come to a boil. While the water is heating up, take each round of dough and poke a hole straight through the middle, twirling it gently on your finger to create the bagel “look.” Place back down on the baking sheet and let rest for 10-15 minutes, while the water comes to a rolling boil.

Preheat oven to 400 degrees. If needed/desired, grease another baking sheet. I did this as I found it was easier to place the bagels on.

Once boiling, add 3-4 bagels at a time. Let cook for 2 minutes on one side, then using the end of a wooden spoon, flip the bagel and cook for another 30 seconds. Remove bagels one at a time and place in the bowl of asiago cheese, turning to coat and lightly pressing to adhere. Transfer to the greased baking sheet for final baking and repeat. Once all the bagels (or as many that can fit on your sheet) are finished, place in the oven and bake for 28-35 minutes. I began checking mine after 20 minutes just to ensure that they cheese wasn’t burning. It never burnt, but it did get golden and delicious!

Let bagels cool completely before serving, then toast or eat as desired.

[Note: I did try making the "starter" as noted in the king arthur recipe three times, and all three times I did not like the result of my bagels. This basic recipe without a starter or sponge is what worked best for me.]

Still trying to figure out if this is a wonderful or terrifying thing. Halllllp me.

1. Yesterday I… “stumbled” upon an old old old OLD school episode of 90210 (like maybe one of the first?) and while I couldn’t even get over how horrific the acting was (except for you Dylan, I’m still love you) all I really thought was… I want to wear Kelly Taylor’s brown suede jacket that has 6 pounds of fringe hanging from it.

2. Thursday night I made us copycat Chipotle bowls inspired by Mara, which made my entire week worth living.

3. I’d like to tell you to do the same, or even that I can’t wait to do it again… however the entire prep took me nearly 2 hours and made me want to yank my hair out and while it was super super super delicious, I think I’ll stick to driving to the nearest location and spending $10.

4. Ooooh but then I can’t have bottomless blue corn chips. Rats. Decisions decisions.

5. We’ve moved on from Dexter (since uh, someone watched 72 hours of it in like 2 weeks) and now have watched Homeland, which we really love… but but but – before you recommend all these crazy smart people shows, I must tell you that this type of stuff is soooo not my kind of TV. I mean, I read only chick lit and am obsessed with glitter and see no problem in buying $500 shoes and should own stock in Sephora. However, I definitely had 2 dreams this week that I’m being interrogated by the CIA. What does this all MEAN?!

6. Maybe I’m growing up?

7. Probably not. At all.

8. Know what I currently can’t get enough of? Grapefruit. Well… brownies. But also… grapefruit. I’ve loved them since I was a kid and go through huge grapefruit binges every winter, until sometime in April when I pick one up and it tastes like vinegar and acid swished together, to which I dramatically spit it out and claim “I’M NEVER EATING GRAPEFRUIT AGAIN!!!”

9. But I’m really not dramatic at all.

10. Our weather today is so gorgeous that I want to eat it. Like literally swallow it up. After chewing of course.

11. OHMYGOSH don’t you just want to smash your face into this picture of Bella? I can’t even stand it.