how to be happy

Why you should cut your own hair

2014-10-27T22:07:00.000+00:00

I cut my own hair last night.

I know, right?

I cut my own hair.

How utterly terrifying.

It was actually the most awesome thing I've done in a while. What happened was I was on Facebook thinking I hadn't changed my profile picture in a while, so I started looking at pictures to find a different one. And when I was looking at my old pics, I saw that in a lot of them I had this kind of side fringe-ish emo type thing going on. Basically, I didn't feel the need to see with my left eye. And I loved that look, but the hair just kind of grew out and the last time I asked for it again at the hairdresser's, they didn't really do it properly. So, looking through the pics reminded me how much I liked my hair like that.

I could have booked an appointment at the hairdresser's to get it cut, but I had a trim and my hair dip-dyed orange again just last weekend, so I didn't want to go back so soon. So I thought about how much better it would be if I could just do it myself, right away. And I went on YouTube and did a little research - about five or ten minutes' worth of research.

All the while when I was watching girls on YouTube demonstrate cutting their bangs, while fiddling with my hair and wandering between my laptop in the living room and the mirror in the bedroom, I was thinking to myself, "this is all very well and interesting, but you're obviously not going to do it. There's no way you're actually going to cut your own hair. You'll make a terrible mistake and regret it horribly. There's no way you're brave or stupid enough to do it.

But I went into the bathroom, got a pair of nail scissors and a comb, separated by fringe-to-be from the rest of my hair, and went in for the chop. My first thought was "oh my God, I've actually done it, what the fuck have I done? I can't undo that, what on earth has possessed me to do this?!" But there was no going back after that, so I carried on. And the more I did it, the more I got used to it and the more natural it felt, and the more I realised I wasn't completely messing it up.

I mean, it's not perfect, obviously, because I'm not a hairdresser and I don't make a habit of cutting hair! I did try once when I was about 12, I decided I wanted a bit at the front of my face that was shorter than the rest so it would frame my face when I put it in a ponytail. Naturally I cut it too short and felt really rubbish about it afterwards. The difference is, I'm not 12 now, and I actually tried to do it properly this time. And you know what? After the initial panic, it felt good. It felt really good. And it still does!

I didn't expect it to, but it feels very empowering to have cut my own hair; to make a change myself instead of having to wait for someone else to do it for me. I feel cool. And now I have my old hair back, I feel a bit more like myself. Not only does it feel empowering, but it feels so free to do something like that, that I never do but actually could do anytime I want. Plus, it felt good that I managed to achieve this thing without messing it up - something I found to be quite a challenge! It felt exciting to do something so crazy and then to be successful at it! And I can't wait until my mum sees, she is going to freak out! My partner, who was out of the house at the time so wasn't around to talk some sense into me, doesn't seem particularly surprised. Maybe this is becoming some kind of normal for me. The only question is, what exciting and interesting thing should I do next?

It's hard being truthful online

2014-10-10T21:26:00.000+01:00

It's really strange being so honest on the internet, because I never know who knows what about me. I've never been so honest and open online before, but with this blog and my personal Tumblr, I just say whatever I feel like saying. My Tumblr is even more revealing than this blog, and it's a relief to be able to say whatever I want. On Tumblr, it's mostly strangers reading, because I never post any links to those posts on Facebook or anywhere else.

But with this blog, I do say a lot of stuff, and the only reason I really hold back a bit is because this is a blog that's supposed to be about happiness, and me dwelling on negative things kind of defeats the purpose unless it's to explain a point about being positive.

So when I do post on here, I normally post a link on my @how2behappyblog on Twitter, and on my own personal Facebook - not the how to be happy Facebook page because there's nobody there, but my own private Facebook page where all my friends and family are. (Though I do hide these kinds of posts from my family.) And it just makes it a bit weird because I reveal a lot about myself on the internet that you can't just drop into conversation face to face. It makes me wonder who reads these things and who knows what about me. Sometimes I'm talking to someone - either online or offline - and I'll be thinking "Do you know? Do you know all about who I am, what I've been through in the past, how I feel about some things? What do you think about it? Do you think of me differently now, and is that for better or worse? Or do you just not really think about it much at all?" And it's really weird, because... I dunno, it's just odd. I do like telling the truth online though. It makes me feel brave. It's easier than saying things out loud, though at times it's still kinda hard... but face to face if I try to say something, sometimes the words just won't come out. That's a strange experience as well isn't it? When you're so close to saying something but you just can't bring yourself to say the words. Fear. Or something.

I'm not asking anyone to tell me that they know (unless they really want to). It's just something that occurred to me. And I like people to know, because it makes me feel like people know me better. Because it's such a big part of me now, whether I like it or not.

I've just realised I've managed to write this entire blog post without saying what "it" is. But if anyone is reading and they've read the blog before, they'll probably know already.

How do you define yourself?

2014-10-08T13:56:00.001+01:00

I have a list of words I use to define myself - sometimes consciously, sometimes more subconsciously. Here are a few that immediately spring to mind, though I'm sure there are others:

Writer
Geek
Cancer survivor
Rock chick
Buddhist

What are yours? I love most of these words because they are so very me and define what I am. They're all as important as each other and work together, and I think it's important to not dwell on any one in particular, especially one that has negative feelings attached. Because we can all define ourselves in negative ways, and when we get too wrapped up in the negative definitions, we should choose another one to focus on. That's why I've been writing a lot lately and listening to music more. To try to throw the focus off the negative.

What are your best and worst self-definitions?

How strange is human society?

2014-09-20T17:31:00.000+01:00

Another blog about a thought I had in the spa at the gym this morning, and I'm once again struggling to remember exactly how I worded it because I couldn't write it down at the time. But here we go: isn't it weird the way society is? I mean, you don't see animals doing the stuff humans do. And worrying. Why on earth do we worry so much or stop ourselves from doing things because of the so-called rules that society dictates?

Like holding back a burp or a fart, or shaving our legs, or deciding to not wear a certain item of clothing because the other humans will think it doesn't look good on us. Who cares? Talk to me about something that matters. Let's worry about world peace, putting an end to homophobia, whether or not we're able to pay the bills or feed our families or explore more corners of our beautiful world. Why be concerned about getting a close shave under your armpits when you can be spending time planning your next trip? Why bother about what your body looks like at a club when you could be swept away by music instead?

It's not easy, I know. The other day I got upset because my belly was looking a bit bigger than usual, and I stepped on the scales and found I'd put on about three pounds. So I went about having my shower and then sat on my bed in my towel and racked my brain trying to figure out why it upset me and why on earth it should matter so much. It's not like I'm overweight, or that there aren't parts of my body I like, so why should my belly sticking out a bit matter at all? I couldn't come up with an answer, but it certainly did feel like it mattered. It still does. (I like wearing tight dresses because I think my booty looks awesome in them, but of course they're tight at the front too, so they don't look so good. It's partly because I had my bowel removed so the bottom part of my belly is completely flat and the bit above it then sticks out even more, but there's only so much I can blame on cancer - my belly looking big is mostly just me eating too much crap.)

I digress. My main point is, why is it weird or bad to do things that are completely normal and natural for mammals/human beings to do? I burp, I poop loudly (can't help that!), I fart (only in the toilet), sometimes I don't bother shaving my legs or armpits (more warmth in winter, right...?), I wear clothes that highlight my bad bits as well as my good bits, I wear baggy clothes that do nothing for me because they're comfortable or have my favourite bands on them, I care very little about what other people think about what I look like or what I do. There isn't enough time or energy in life to conform to every "rule" dictated by society, and it sometimes baffles me how normal it is for people to not do something they want to do or to do something they don't want to do just for the sake of conforming or not looking bad. Let me look bad. I'll still be happy, because I'll be doing what I want, and being how I want to be. Next time you're wondering what people think or what's "right" within society for you to do, ask yourself why you're worrying and say does it even matter?

All About That Bass

2014-09-13T23:13:00.003+01:00

What made me happy today: This song!

It makes me feel all happy about my body and my big booty and boobs, in spite of my belly which could do with a bit of toning up! Self confidence FTW! :)

Favourite lines:
"I got that boom boom that all the boys chase, and all the right junk in all the right places"
"Every inch of you is perfect from the bottom to the top"
"My mamma she told me don't worry about your size, she says boys like a little more booty to hold at night"

(Also, sorry for the radio silence for about a month; work has been crazy busy these past couple of weeks so when I've gotten home I haven't felt like doing anything productive! I also went on holiday to Amsterdam for a few days, and spent a little time being too happy to have time to blog about happiness. Well, sort of. Hopefully more updates to follow soon.)

My tiny Heisenbergs

2014-08-02T13:24:00.003+01:00

The other day I wrote a blog entry about being excited about buying stuff because the people who work at the place make it exciting (Getting customers excited). I mentioned that I was excited about getting my nails done, so here's the finished product!

Aren't they awesome? They were done by Tina at All Things Nails in Wellingborough, and she probably took a much better photo than I have, so there might be one appearing on the All Things Nails Facebook page. Love my Breaking Bad nails!

Getting customers excited

2014-07-27T18:18:00.001+01:00

As a customer, I love buying stuff from people who are excited about what they're selling or the service they're providing - especially if I've had a lot of input about what it is that I want. For example when I first went to the hairdresser's to get my hair dyed, my hairdresser was so excited about the colour I was getting. I know, because she said so, and she practically clapped her hands with joy when it was finally all finished and had turned out really well.

I had a similar experience the other day when I contacted a girl I've been to before who does my nails, to tell her about an idea I'd had that I'd like her to do for me. I haven't been in for an appointment yet (we spoke about it just last night) but I'm even more excited because the nail technician loves the idea and really wants to create it for me. Also today I've had some similar interactions at a store and at a restaurant discussing the products and food with the staff - it's so nice to share happiness and excitement this way!

Music appreciation - the original ones are the best (sometimes)

2014-07-25T18:00:00.000+01:00

What made me happy today:

I was listening to a Swedish radio station and a song I recognised came on. It took a few seconds for me to place it but I realised it was "Wherever You Will Go", only it was the original version by The Calling, and not that cover that some woman did that was on the Twinings advert, or whatever it was. So nice to hear the original being played! Here are some important things to remember:

"Run" was originally by Snow Patrol, not Leona Lewis
"Valerie" was originally by The Zutons, not Amy Winehouse
"Somewhere Only We Know" was originally by Keane, not Lily Allen
"Many of Horror" was originally by Biffy Clyro, not Matt Cardle (and it was called "Many of Horror", not "When We Collide!")

Poetry: Mortality

2014-07-21T23:36:00.001+01:00

How about a change of pace? I haven't written anything in a million years (ish), so it's not my best, but it's a start so it's good enough for now. Actually the second one I've wrote tonight, picked up from scraps of notes I've saved on my laptop.

Mortality

I guess you just don’t think about mortality like I do
Because I’ve seen it up real close and studied it like it was something new
It grabbed me by the neck and questioned my morality,
Put its shades upon my face so I could see it with more clarity

And now I see it everywhere, in everyone I know
I see so plainly that no-one ever questions when they’ll go
We don’t know when that door will knock or when the bell will ring
But I had a dream we all died, and I felt better about the whole thing.

Obsessions

2014-07-20T22:42:00.001+01:00

I haven't posted in a few days because I've been very busy with the latest thing to make me happy - Breaking Bad. I just finished the whole thing the other day, and now I'm starting over from the beginning. I love it when I get an obsession going.

I went out for a meal with my family last night for my dad's birthday, which also made me happy, and I'm going to write a good review on Trip Advisor for the restaurant because they totally deserve it - the food and staff were all awesome. And giving praise where it's deserved makes me happy, too. As does thanking people for little, simple things.

Thinking about obsessions and fandoms, I think they're really important because they're a source of happiness that takes you out of real life for a while and helps you focus on things that are awesome instead of things that aren't so good.

Sometimes I get scared and I don't know where to put it

2014-07-16T21:25:00.003+01:00

Sometimes I put it in words. Very occasionally I put it in pictures. Either way, if it has somewhere to go, we both feel better.

For me, it's the whole Lynch syndrome thing. I have realised recently that it makes me feel like I have no control, but almost completely responsible at the same time, which is an odd combination. Because I can't control whether I get cancer again or not, but if I do get it again and it's worse than the first time, it will be my fault because I know it could happen again and that I should look for any signs and be vigilant, so it's my responsibility to look out for it and stop it before it gets bad. I have been forewarned. So yeah. It scares me sometimes. I tried to get rid of the feeling the other night by going on Tumblr and basically typing that I was scared about ten times, just to get it out. Didn't really make much difference, so I drew it instead.

Happiness news round-up

2014-07-13T14:44:00.003+01:00

Here's what's been happening in the news recently - see, it's not all doom and gloom!

New study suggests happiness classes should become part of the school curriculum

Teaching life skills and the pursuit of happiness

The little secrets of our happiness: How finding a fiver in your pocket or sleeping on fresh bed sheets are the things that put us in a good mood

ERMEHGERD Professor Green retweeted me!

2014-07-08T22:37:00.002+01:00

Happy happy happy happy!!

I dunno why we get so excited when celebrities retweet us... But to hell with analysing it, Professor Green retweeted me! Though I probably should have watched this match, seems to have been one of the best matches of the world cup so far... and I took my eyes off the screen for like ten minutes and all of a sudden it went from 6 - 0 to 7- 0 for Germany. Exciting evening! :D

The Happy Google Bell

2014-07-08T19:00:00.000+01:00

It might sound silly or girly or childish but I love inanimate objects or animals with smiley faces on them. Like immensely happy cartoons or household objects that look like they're smiling. So one of my favourite things at work is the happy Google notifications bell. If you click the little bell on the top right hand corner of Gmail, or AdWords, or other Google sites, it shows you your notifications and if you don't have any notifications there's a happy bell:

He's so happy, right? But THEN, only recently, I accidentally clicked the bell. And that made me even more excited, because when you click Mr Bell, he smiles even more and does a little wiggly dance:

Look how happy he is!! Definitely worth breaking my "one exclamation mark only" rule. And that's why at least once a day I go ahead and click the little bell of happiness, because he makes me all gooey inside.

How to be happy at work

2014-07-06T19:00:00.000+01:00

Business Insider has a few interesting tips for being happier at work, from finding meaning in what you do to taking your time and stressing less. Some pretty useful stuff!

I'd like to add a few of my own:

1. Have a little treat at work
In my office there is frequent cake. We even have a dedicated "cake table" where we put biscuits, chocolate, and other assorted goodies, including pancakes on Shrove Tuesday and our Christmas feast. It breaks up the day and gives people something to look forward too - a bit of a boost.

2. ...But not too many treats!
I try to abstain on occasion because if I indulged every time I'd just feel guilty, and I do like to sort of pretend I'm watching my weight a little bit.

3. Sit comfortably
Chairs matter. Bad posture is why I go for massages. Massages are happy; good chairs and sitting up straight are happy, too.

4. Considering priorities
Not just your own priorities, but other people's. This is helpful if you're a bit impatient like I am and want everything to be done immediately. Other people's priorities are different to yours. It's just a good thing to bear in mind when you need stuff to be done - they might have something higher up on their list even if the task in question is the first thing on yours.

5. Be yourself
For me at least, it can be hard to find work clothes I feel comfortable in. I just don't feel like myself if I'm not in jeans and hoodies or t-shirts. But I bought a couple of new tops the other day that I could wear at work or at home - I wore one for work today and kept it on once I got home. I'm still wearing it now; if I don't throw it off as soon as I walk through the door, it's definitely a feel-good top. And I feel happier when I feel like myself and not restricted or having to wear things I don't like.

I'm on YouTube! ...Sort of.

2014-07-04T22:15:00.002+01:00

This is what made me happy this week:

I'm on YouTube! Apart from not feeling too happy about my face or the sound of my voice (ick), it's quite nice to be a little bit involved in something cool, and this is a pretty good channel - if you're interested in learning Swedish even a little bit, it's a good way to pick up some random words.

We're all overgrown children, really

2014-06-30T22:31:00.002+01:00

Isn't it weird how when we're kids adults seem like some sort of different species? It's like we seem to think that one day, on our 20th birthday or something, we wake up and we're responsible, old, and know everything - what we're doing, where we're going, how life all works.

Well, that was a complete myth, wasn't it? None of us really have any clue, there's no magic spell that suddenly makes us know everything we need to know. We're all just muddling through with minimal idea of what we're doing, right?

We're all children, just older children. And since we're all the same, there's nothing wrong with that.

Self expression

2014-06-28T18:56:00.000+01:00

You know what makes me happy? Self expression. I love expressing who I am, and expressing who I am is an important part of who I am, if that makes sense! I can't imagine being any way other than myself, and I love to feel so completely like myself the way I do when I dress or make myself up to show my true self.

For me, it's band t-shirts, black nail polish, and if I'm going out in the evening and/or don't mind looking like a panda the next day when I realise I don't have make up remover to hand, it's eyeliner/mascara as well. And baggy jeans, and my Slipknot wristband, and most recently, dip-dyed dark red hair. Which is what really brought this blog post on - I had dip dyed ginger hair before which I loved, but when it started to fade I decided to change it up a bit and the result suits my image so much, I'm really happy with it.

Isn't it great when you feel so much like yourself and confident about it as well?

Finding meaning in all religions

2014-06-26T19:00:00.000+01:00

There's a church a few streets away from my house that I drive by every day on the way to work and back. Sometimes I notice that the church has a banner hung up at the front of it, with some sort of slogan or message. Today it says "The first duty of love is to listen". This was apparently said by Paul Tillich, who according to Wikipedia, was "a German American Christian existentialist philosopher and theologian who is widely regarded as one of the most influential theologians of the twentieth century."

A couple of months ago I saw another sign at the same church, and having a lot on my mind, the quote really resonated with me and seemed to be where I needed it to be at just the right time. Unfortunately I can't remember what the quote was, which is a bit annoying! It was something to do with not despairing or losing hope, and I think God was in there somewhere. How annoying that something that was so poignant has completely slipped from my memory. It's true what Maya Angelou said though - you don't always remember the words, but you remember the feelings they gave you.

I digress. My point is that this was a sign outside a Methodist church, and I'm no Christian. I'm a Buddhist. But it made me think - I believe that all religions share much of the same fundamental values, regardless of how they are taught, the rituals and the people who practice them. I believe there is something to be taken away from all religions - that if you look closely enough at each one, you can find something, even if it's just something small, that is valuable and that will resonate with you. Have a go.

(Out of interest, I came across this webpage which has some very good quotes about despair - none of which is the one I'm thinking of. Still very interesting, though.)

Music mash up

2014-06-24T19:00:00.000+01:00

I came up with the idea last night while thinking about my upcoming consultant's appointment, to put the lyrics of several songs together to make one song or poem - sort of like a medley, but a sensible medley where the lyrics put together make perfect sense and have the same theme and feeling. Here's one I was thinking of; if I could sing I would sing it and put it on YouTube, but written format will have to do instead. See if you can see which songs I used, and I'll tell you underneath:

If you close your eyes,
Does it almost feel like
Nothing changed at all?
I can never leave the past behind
I can see no way, I can see no way
And if you close your eyes,
Does it almost feel like
You've been here before?
But I like to keep some things to myself
I like to keep my issues drawn
How am I gonna be an optimist about this?
How am I gonna be an optimist about this?
'cause pretending everything is alright when it ain’t, really isn’t working.

For this I used Shake It Out by Florence & The Machine, Pompeii by Bastille, and Read All About It by Professor Green. If I were to sing it, it would all sound the same - some sort of slow melody that sounds a bit like all of the songs so that it sounds similar to all of them but all the lines also sound like they belong to the same song.

The Happiness Project

2014-06-22T19:00:00.000+01:00

While I was on holiday I read a book called The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin. The author dedicated each month of a whole year to improving something specific about her life in order to make herself happier and more appreciative of her life. It's a really interesting book, and she has a blog and a website as well. The website has tools and information for anyone who wants to try anything similar, and it's a pretty inspiring and interesting book so it's not surprising that after reading it people want to give it a go themselves! On The Happiness Project website, there's ideas for goals and resolutions and changes you can aim for. I might even try doing my own happiness project, and if I do, I'll keep this blog updated with it!

Returning from holiday

2014-06-18T19:00:00.000+01:00

I'm back from holiday! We had a very nice time in Porto Santo doing not very much at all. It is quite nice to be home, though - I think whether you want to go somewhere new and unfamiliar or if you want to stay at home and appreciate the familiar, you should go away for a few days, because a vacation gives you something new to see and then you appreciate home and the familiar more when you get back. Win-win!

Though when I did come back I came home to a letter offering me an appointment with a consultant in London, so... not a brilliant welcome. I'm trying not to think about it, but it's things like that that make peace of mind seem more unattainable.

The wonders of travelling!

2014-06-08T20:32:00.001+01:00

The blog will take a short haitus as I go off on holiday for a week!

I'm off to (hopefully) sunny Porto Santo, which is a really small island just north of Madeira in Portugal. It's just 16 square miles with 9km of beach, and it's apparently really peaceful and untouched. We've never been there before, so we're hoping it's going to be as nice as it looks in the pictures!

Stay tuned for a few pics when I get back and normal blogging resumes. In the meantime if you have any thoughts on any of my previous posts, please do comment as it's nice to know that people are reading! See you soon!

Increase your happy to unhappy ratio

2014-06-08T19:00:00.000+01:00

Try this:
For every negative thing you think, say or do, you have to think, say or do two positive things.

Soon you'll have no time for negative thoughts, words or actions because you'll be too busy trying to make up for them by cramming in loads of positive stuff!

Being a blank slate - find new experiences!

2014-06-06T19:00:00.000+01:00

The other day I saw a man riding down my street on a horse. Which is pretty unusual. A nearby dog being walked with its owner also seemed to think it was pretty unusual, as he/she was barking and scampering about. As we walked by, the dog's owner said "she's never seen a horse before!"

How perplexed/excited/interested/amazed must that dog have been, to be seeing a different animal for the first time? It must be the same as what it's like for babies learning new things and meeting different stuff - being a completely blank slate!

Wouldn't it be great if we could all be like that, even as adults? To find something every so often that we've never seen before, done before or been to before? How exciting life could be if we only looked a little harder for those new and exciting experiences!