You hear a lot of people suggest that happiness is a choice. Is it really that simple? Emily and I take a closer look at this ideology and some of the obstacles that may prevent us from simply making a choice to be happy.

Some topics discussed in this episode:

Simply making a choice to be happy isn’t always that easy. There are many things, such as past experiences that make it difficult to believe that we can be happy. Many times we have so much crap running around in our heads (fear, guilt, remorse, etc.) that it’s not possible to just dismiss those things and be happy.

I share about my journey in finding my authentic self and how that led to find what was missing; a love and emotional connectedness with self. Emily points out that being okay with self first, enables us to try new things in life knowing we’re not always going to succeed, but that’s the beauty, being able to try many things. Once we begin to be happy with self, we’re then capable to make the choice to be happy.

We can start our day over at anytime. We can stop, re-center, and make a choice to have a better day regardless of how it’s going at the moment. But getting back to the concept of getting rid of the past crap in our heads, if we haven’t done that, we’re not necessarily going to believe ourselves when we say, “I’m going to be happy.”

There’s always something. As we get better (finding gratitude) we begin to have problems in areas of life we never had areas in before. Be grateful for that. Having issues or things going on in our life reminds us we’re living.

Emily shares a story of checking Jared out on a ladder when they first met as he fixed her attic fan. Fixing things with WD40 and a hammer.

If happiness is choice, is unhappiness a choice?

Making a choice to not be a victim; a victim is a spectator in their own life. We all have bad things happen to us, but it’s how we react to them. Things happen around us, not to us. We get a lot of mileage out of being a victim. Many times we’ve been playing the victim role for so long it defines who we are. We’re afraid that without that label or identity we’re not sure who we’ll be. If you’re wondering weather or not you’re playing the victim role, take a look around. Are you chasing people away?

Before we’re able to make a decision, we must have awareness that that we’re doing things to ourselves. Are we aware of whom we’re surrounding ourselves with? Are they encouraging our victimization role?

I can still become consumed sometimes with an overwhelming feeling of dread. I’m not sure it’s brought on by anything specific. But today I have tools to deal with it; practical actions. Emily points out that there are legitimate things to worry about. But are we doing something about it or just sitting around worrying and not getting anywhere? To get out of these funks, I use prayer, gratitude lists, and knowing that this too shall pass.

If choosing to be happy is a choice, then wouldn’t choosing to be unhappy also be a choice? At some point we’re choosing to be in misery. Giving a time-line to ourselves for being unhappy or dealing with some negative emotions associated with it. The more we experience, we learn to not have such emotional highs and lows.

Being aware of possible resentments when making commitments. Learning to not say yes to things which we may resent later.

If we think we may have resentments later for doing something for someone else, then we’re doing it for the wrong reason. We have the right to say no. This works as we begin to rely less on external validation from others. People will be treated the way they allow themselves to be treated. We’re not responsible for the reasons people make up in their heads for why we say no.

Emily shares that if she finds herself not particularly happy, she’ll do something she enjoys; like getting a Java Chip Frappachino or check out the sales rack at Macy’s. Emily is a deal shopping Ninja.

You’re in charge, if you’re bummed; go do something that makes you feel good. Be selfish today.

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006 How to Be Happy Podcast, Is Happiness Really a Choice? is a post from: How To Be Happy
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In this session of the How to Be Happy Podcast, Emily and I sit down to discuss managing expectations. Everything comes back to being happy with who you are and willing to accept life on life’s terms.

“Wearing life like a loose garment.”

“Expectations are resentments in training.”

“Today’s expectations are tomorrow’s resentments.”

Some topics you’ll hear in this episode:

• Expectations are instilled in us at an early stage in life. Parents set expectations of us from the beginning (learning to walk, how to act, teachers have expectations, etc.)
• The term “they have so much potential” – sticks in Jared’s crawl. It suggests that love or acceptance is conditional.
• Setting expectations of oneself based on what we think the world wants to see. Can result in living conflicted with our inner self.
• It’s freeing to allow people to be who they are, accept them for who they are not who you wish they were.
• Putting expectations on self and others is a lot of pressure.
• Lowering expectations does not mean compromising our standards (moral or values)
• Confusing goals with expectations, it’s good to have goals and high standards, but avoid attaching our happiness to the outcome.
• Setting expectations limits the possibilities.
• We discuses Jared’s expectations of a recent vacation in Belize and how we dealt with it.
• Lowering or removing expectations of others opens us up to connecting on a deeper level – removes perceptions or what a certain “type” of person should be like.
• Having expectations of children and there are going to be disappointments.
• Making the shift from having expectations placed on us as children, but once we fly the coup, the responsibility is now ours.
• We have expectations of ourselves based on the models we’ve had in our lives; hopefully they’re healthy ones.
• Accepting your children for what they have to offer, instead of what you want them to be (e.g. sports as a child)
• Expectations can also go the other way, in that we can expect something to be worse than it really is or will be.
• Tolerance and crazy drivers
• Expectations in dating – whether our relationship was heading in the same/right direction. Communication is important.
• Sharing what you want with someone and then allowing them to figure out if they can give it to you.

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In this episode of the How to Be Happy Podcast, Emily and I discuss death. But before you make a decision on how morbid this sounds, have a listen.

Some topics you’ll hear in this episode:

Dealing with Death

• What to say to others then they’ve experienced a loss.
• We share about our personal experiences with death of loved ones.
• The reality of facing our own mortality.
• Although tragic, death can also be beautiful
• Does everything happen for a reason?
• Is there anything on your bucket list?

Being of service

• Thinking about what you can bring to a situation/relationship as opposed to what’s in it for me?

Groundhog Day? (yes we talk about the weather)

Reminding ourselves to stay in the moment, even when looking forward to something in the future.

We get back to the topic of death and about allowing people to reach out to you when you’re going through something difficult.

Things mentioned in this episode:

• The Christmas Sweater by Glenn Beck

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HTBH Podcast 004 – Coping with Death is a post from: How To Be Happy
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Welcome to the How to Be Happy Podcast Episode #3. In this session Emily and I talk about nurturing relationships.

Some topics you’ll hear in this episode:

Keeping the Love (relationship) Alive

• In the early part of a relationship, it’s easier to be physical than emotional. Physical interaction is an easy way to say, “Hey, I’m really digging you!”
• As the relationship matures, you still show love in other ways
• Things to do For Him: Emily give’s a shout out to the “ladies at the Starbucks of Summit Fair, Lee’s Summit, MO where she was asked about loving things to do for your husband
• Leaving love notes (maybe in your husbands coat pocket)
• Emily mentions doing things like folding a wash clothe nice or a chocolate under the pillow like you would see in a five star hotel
• Letting him know it’s OK to enjoy himself and relax
• Things to do For Her:
• The obvious ones, flowers (for no reason)
• We talk a little bit about orchids. Each has its own love language like people sometimes
• Find out what they “dig” – Pay attention
• Just be kind
• Leave notes
• Jared’s a PC, Emily is a MAC and we make it work just fine
• Date Night
• Schedule time when it’s just the two of you
• Communication is always key
• Spontaneity
• Be willing to be spontaneous
• Although communicate, some people like to be mentally prepared, like when they have an expectation
• We talk a little bit about traveling and how Jared used to schedule everything. And how it’s more important now to “wear life like a loose garment” and go with the flow
• Decide “how big of a deal is it” if we decide to go do something else  – other than what we expected
• We share a story about our first trip together to St. Croix. Expectations and that we can decide, are we going to be part of the problem, or the solution? And Jared get’s sprayed by ants in the Jeep

Alone Time

• Keeping Self Image – Independence
• Waiting on your spouse to get read – don’t rush them
• Hobbies
• Having alone time is good – then you have something to share with each other later

Friends

• Circle of Friends – How much investment do you point in a relationship that’s not positive?
• Hanging out with People Who Inspire You
• Investing in Relationships

Family

• Family is important but we can still surround ourselves with people that inspire us
• Love more by caring less

Some items reference or mentioned in this episode:

• “How do you get your nearest and dearest to change their behavior? Simple: Stop giving a damn what they do, says Martha Beck.” Martha Beck’s How to Love More by Caring Less in Oprah Magazine.
• St. Croix
• Flowers

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Welcome to the How to Be Happy Podcast Episode #2. In this session Emily and I talk about our dating history and how we first met and some tips and experiences on dating.

Some topics you’ll hear in this episode:

Questions to Ask on a Date:

• Family (theirs and yours) How they interact with friends
• Religion
• Values

Do you show up with a gift?

How honest do you get? TMI?

Where to find dates?

Witnessing how others act around friends and family can tell you a lot about the kind of person they are.

Looking for things about them that should/could change?

Expectations

Chase or be chased?

Online dating tips

Living together – Should you?

How long should you date before getting married?

Some items reference or mentioned in this episode:

• Plenty of Fish
• Las Vegas
• St. Croix
• SCUBA diving

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HTBH Podcast 002 – How to Be Happy Dating is a post from: How To Be Happy
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It’s here! The first session of the How to Be Happy Podcast with Jared and Emily Akers.

You may download the podcast to your computer or listen to it here on JaredAkers.com. Additionally, I will be submitting the podcast feed to iTunes soon, so you’ll be able to subscribe through there as well – hopefully that will be ready by the time our next episode is live. I’m also working on getting the episodes transcribed so there will a downloadable .PDF version of the show (I’ll add that to this page in a couple days after the transcription is finished… I’m still working out the entire workflow process).

We plan on doing a weekly session at this point, but we’re not setting any expectations…. So don’t hold us to that. We look forward to exploring many topics from life, love, relationships, self-respect, travel, and keys to living a happy life; all from personal experience.

Here’s What’s in The Show

Since this is our first podcast, we spend a little bit of time at the beginning introducing ourselves and give a little back-story.

Here’s what you’ll find in this session:

Welcome:

• Maiden episode of How to Be Happy Podcast
• Introduced myself, Jared Akers and my wife Emily
• Episode Topic: How to be happy in a relationship when there’s been infidelity

Back-story:

• Why we started doing this, a little about our past (my bottom March 2006)
• Why we’re qualified (unhealthy relationships)
• Inviting God into our lives
• Working on Self-Discover, inner-peace, happiness and self-acceptance – ALONE!
• Met February 25, 2007
• Married December 2, 2008
• Friends and Family members always asking us: why or how are you so happy? Get along? etc.

Topic:

I get emails from people all over the world asking questions about happiness, and this topic is one that has come up often. In this show my wife gives some first-hand experience with the topic as we discuss things like:

• Is it possible
• Honesty
• Forgiveness
• From the perspective of the offender
• From the perspective of the victim
• Trust
• How it affects the children

We hope you enjoy the show and we’re looking forward to sharing more with all of you in the future.

If you have any topic suggestions, feel free to email them to jared (at) jaredakers (dot) com.

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Transcript

Click here to download the transcript for this episode (PDF).

HTBH Podcast 001 – How to Be Happy in a Relationship When There’s Been Infidelity is a post from: How To Be Happy
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