How To Sexually Satisfy Your Woman

Does Sex Feel Like a Chore?

noreply@blogger.com (John Demarco) — Tue, 17 Jan 2012 22:25:00 +0000

If sex feels like a chore, you need to put a stop to that right now. But how? You can't stop making it feel like a chore with willpower. The only way to do it and succeed is to make sure sex is fun for you. Not by trying to think positive about it, but by changing what you do.

In fact, for her to be sexually satisfied, it cannot be a chore for either of you. It can never feel like work.

The way to make sure it never feels like a chore is to do what you like. Duh! Both of you must do what you like to do. And I don't mean "what you like in general," but what you feel doing at the time.

I know it takes courage, sometimes, to say what you like. But the rewards are fantastic! You may be surprised at how she responds to your honestly-expressed desires.

If she is giving you head, for example, and it occurs to you that if she moved over a little, you could see her in the mirror and you would like that, would you be willing to ask her to move? If you did, the whole thing might become more arousing for both of you.

Your arousal arouses her. You must know that already. So when you're doing what you like — when you're doing or asking for things that turn you on — your increased arousal will increase hers if only because she's aroused by you being aroused! But often it will be even more than that. You will discover that some things you've never shared (things that arouse you) sometimes turn out to turn her on too.

This is an adventure in honesty and openness. It is an adventure in learning more about each other, and feeling closer. She will learn more about you than anyone has ever known, and you will learn more about her than anyone has ever known, and that's a very intimate thing.

Sex should be fun and yet not superficial. When it is done right, it is deeply enjoyable and feels like some kind of exuberant, silly, entrancing, profound, amusing, playful spiritual awakening. Really the farthest thing from a chore you can imagine.

So when you feel like you're working, what will you do? (This is a test.) Have you been paying attention? What will you do if you are in the middle of sex and it starts feeling like work? You will do what you want. Admit your desire and act on it. Open yourself up to her and play. Do something you would like to do.

And just like anything you like to do for fun, you can get in shape for it. Specifically, I am reminding you to exercise your PC muscle starting right now while you're reading. It only takes a few minutes. Ready? Go!

She Needs To Feel Connected

noreply@blogger.com (John Demarco) — Fri, 02 Dec 2011 21:25:00 +0000

For her to be sexually satisfied, your woman needs to feel connected to you. What does that mean? She needs to feel that you are not in your head, but out here with her, talking with her, telling her how you feel and what you're thinking, and curious about what she feels and what she's thinking. That makes her feel connected.

Can you do that? Does this sound like work? If you do it like work, she won't feel connected. To really connect well, you actually have to believe in it. You have to see the value of it. This is not a technique, this is a new way of life. For you to sexually satisfy your woman, you must first awaken.

I don't mean that in a spiritual sense. I mean in an honesty sense. You will become more yourself and your values will change to a greater appreciation of that feeling of connection and closeness and intimacy.

There is no other way to do it. If you try to satisfy her with mere technique or skill, she will be left unsatisfied.

But if you transform yourself into a man who likes connecting — who expresses his likes and dislikes and desires honestly and openly — not only will you have the prerequisite for satisfying your woman, you will become a happier man.

I invite you to read Love and Survival: The Scientific Basis for the Healing Power of Intimacy by Dean Ornish. He has been running a program to help men recover from heart attacks, and his program was the first to show that heart disease can be reversed (rather than merely slowed).

A key part of his program is teaching these men to connect with their wives. When they do, their wives love it. But the surprising thing for the men is that they love it themselves. It may have been a struggle for them to get there, and they may have initially disliked the whole process of "sharing feelings and namby-pamby bullshit like that," but at the end of it, they found a new zest for life, they found a refreshing new meaningfulness to their existence, and they were measurably and profoundly happier. And healthier.

Check it out. It's a good book and it will help you sustain your commitment when you feel discouraged about the whole enterprise (of sexually satisfying your woman).

In the meantime, keep in mind that one of your woman's top reasons for sex is to feel connected with you. Make her feel connected, and it will go a long way toward sexually satisfying her. Really.

How Bad Do You Want It?

noreply@blogger.com (John Demarco) — Fri, 04 Nov 2011 21:31:00 +0000

It is unusual for a woman to be sexually satisfied. It is out of the ordinary. That means you must be extraordinarily for it to happen. It will not happen naturally.

You may have guessed this already. But the question is, in what way do you need to be different? Knowledge is important, but it's not the key factor. Physical fitness is helpful. There are a lot of things that might help, but there is one way you can be extraordinary that will make all the difference, and it is something entirely up to you.

What am I talking about? Your own commitment. You will be able to sexually satisfy your woman — to live as a sexually satisfied couple — if you are committed to that. And no matter what else you do, if you are not committed to the goal, you will never achieve it. Her sexual satisfaction will never happen by itself.

It takes time. It has to be a top priority of yours.

Is it one of your top priorities? Or is your desire only half-assed? Do you feel she really deserves it? Do you love her? Do you care about her? Are you committed to her happiness? Sexual satisfaction one of the finest gifts you can give her.

Do you want to be her hero? Sexually satisfy her and she will happily kiss your feet.

This is a motivational issue. How bad do you want it? How motivated are you? And please be aware that motivation is not one of those things you either have or don't have. You can cultivate your own motivation, or you can let it lag. You can strengthen it, or you can let it atrophy. What you do in your mind can cause your motivation to die ... or cause your motivation to be continually renewed.

You can boost your motivation best by thinking about how much you want the goal and why you want it. Think about it every day.

Realize it is important to you, and decide to make it a top priority. Then do whatever you need to do to keep your dedication level high. And rejoice! You're hero-status is imminent.

The Goal In Sex

noreply@blogger.com (John Demarco) — Fri, 21 Oct 2011 22:03:00 +0000

Although our whole orientation here is "how to sexually satisfy your woman," the real goal is for you and your woman to become a sexually satisfied couple.

The reason I mention this is because if you sacrifice yourself for her — if you do things that do not arouse you, or you do things that you find distasteful or painful or boring — your own lack of enthusiasm will ultimately prevent her from being satisfied!

She won't be happy unless you are both happy. She won't be turned on unless you are both turned on. That's just the way she operates, and it is a wonderful thing about her.

It's important to have a goal. It helps you make decisions about what you're going to do. It gives you something to aim for outside of yourself. It provides motivation.

But you need to make sure you have the right goal. And that is to become a sexually satisfied couple.

The Sounds Of Sex

noreply@blogger.com (John Demarco) — Sat, 15 Oct 2011 21:52:00 +0000

I used to be pretty quiet during sex and it made my woman feel out of touch with me. The silence made her feel unconnected, and this is a very important factor for women.

So I tried to say things, but trying to say something often turned me off, either because it was embarrassing or because the effort of trying to think of something to say made me lose focus.

But I've learned that some things actually enhance the experience for both of us. It puts us more in communication and makes us both more aroused. This is a very rich area for exploration.

The easiest way to start is with sounds rather than words. You can express a feeling with sounds — a moan, an "ahhh" — whatever expresses your feeling at the moment.

Sometimes words are good too. When you say words, single words and short phrases are all you need. "That feels great." "You look so beautiful." "Ooh, I like that." Whatever is true for you at the time can increase arousal and your feelings of connection. And it helps both of you focus on what's happening right at that moment.

I remember hearing that the sexiest word in the universe is "yes!" I've thought about that many times. I think it's true. It expresses so much so simply and so perfectly.

The only rule I would advise is to avoid saying anything untrue. Saying something that isn't true for you at the time makes you both feel less connected, not more. If she detects your insincerity (and she probably will), it will probably turn her off.

Keeping that rule in mind, experiment with the world of sound. Start with simple, expressive sounds, and eventually experiment with words and phrases. Find out what turns you on. Discover what turns her on. What sounds and words does she respond to best?

This simple act of using your voice during sex can make it a lot easier to satisfy your woman by increasing her arousal, her focus, and her enjoyment.

Lasting Long Enough During Sex

noreply@blogger.com (John Demarco) — Fri, 30 Sep 2011 21:52:00 +0000

To sexually satisfy your woman, you need to be able to have intercourse for at least a half hour without orgasming. A woman usually takes longer to orgasm than a man because her brain is wired up to be more easily distracted. Climaxing takes a certain amount of focus, and that kind of focus is easier for men than women.

When she is able to focus, she is actually capable of climaxing much faster than you can. And one of the things that allows her to focus is not being distracted by her concern that you have no control over when you climax.

If she is concerned that you might climax at any moment, she will find it very difficult to focus on her own sensations of pleasure, and she needs that focus in order to go over the top into an orgasm.

In other words, you can make it easier for her to climax if you have better control over your own climax. There are several things you can do to gain more control.

First, and most important, is strengthening your PC muscle. The PC (pubococcygeus) muscle is the one you use when you cut off the flow of piss. You strengthen the muscle by simply contracting it and then relaxing it, over and over again (you don't have to be pissing at the time).

You'll find your PC muscle tires out pretty quickly if it's out of shape. Try tightening it and relaxing it twenty times in a row. Tighten the muscle and hold it for one second, and then relax it for two seconds, then tighten again for one second, etc.

If twenty is too many, try it ten times in a row, and do that every day, working up to fifty times in a row for a really strong PC muscle.

Once it's strong, you can use it to prevent yourself from climaxing. If you feel like you're going to orgasm and don't want to yet, simply squeeze your PC muscle and hold it for a few seconds. It will stop you from orgasming.

In order to climax, your PC muscle has to be free to squeeze and relax (that's how it pumps the semen out the end of your penis). If you're contracting your PC muscle and holding it, the muscle is unable to pump anything, and your climax will subside. Then you can continue stroking.

While we're on the subject, encourage your woman to strengthen her PC muscle too. It will help you sexually satisfy her if her PC muscle is in good shape. In interviews with women who orgasm easily and often, researchers discovered most of them had deliberately strengthened their PC muscle and used it during sex to help intensify their own pleasure. The small amount of time it takes to strengthen that muscle is worth it. The PC is the main sex muscle for both of you.

Another way to prevent yourself from climaxing too quickly is to allow her to control the rhythm. She will probably move at a different pace than you would prefer, which makes you much less likely to climax.

Or if you are in the controlling position (on top of her, for example) you can simply change your strokes so it's better for her (hint: slower) and maybe not as likely to make you climax. But you must do this before you are near an orgasm. If you're close to climaxing, you can squeeze your PC muscle or you can stop moving or pull out and do something else for a minute. Allow your surging build-up to subside.

And a third way to last longer is to postpone penetration until she is about ready to explode. Most women will tell you they like foreplay even more than the actual intercourse. As far as they are concerned, that's the best part. So make the pre-intercourse connecting and stroking and kissing part last longer. This is a good way to extend arousal. This way she won't feel left behind (in other words, she'll feel caught up with you, building towards a climax at the same rate as you), which allows her to concentrate better when she wants to climax, and you'll be more in control of yourself when that time comes too because you won't be so far along toward your own climax.

Use one or all three of these ways to help you last as long as she needs. This is one of the most important skills you can have to sexually satisfy your woman.

Do What You Want in a Way She Likes

noreply@blogger.com (John Demarco) — Fri, 16 Sep 2011 20:42:00 +0000

If you are not enjoying yourself, your woman will have a difficult time becoming aroused. And to really enjoy yourself, you have to be doing what you want. You need to be doing what you like.

On the other hand, what she likes must be satisfied too. If nothing is happening that she likes or wants, she will not be satisfied.

That might seem obvious, but both must be satisfied, and it is easy to go too far either way. If you do only what she likes and you're not "into it," — if it's not turning you on — it is almost impossible for you to sexually satisfy her. The juice isn't there. The arousal is missing. There's no heat.

So these two (seemingly) opposing forces need to combine. It is like controlled intensity. It is like channeling a powerful river to go somewhere specific rather than letting it rush wherever it naturally goes. The river still gets to flow, but it is directed.

And while you're doing what you want in a way she likes, it's important to do it like you're playing rather than working. It will turn her off to go through the motions of giving her pleasure, but doing it like a chore. If you feel it's a chore, change the way you think about it until it feels like a privilege. Because that's what it is. You have the great fortune to create exquisite pleasure for both of you. If it feels like work, you're not thinking clearly about it. Straighten out your thinking.

And then, do what you like, do what you enjoy, do what turns you on, but do it all in a way that turns her on too, that gives her time to get into it, that goes slow enough for her to keep up. Find out all about her, and do the things you learn that she likes.

Find which things she likes that also you like. Do you both like it when she dresses sexy? Ask her to do it for you.

Find out what she likes that you like to do. Does she like you reaching under her clothes to caress her? Do you like it too? You've found something valuable you can do often and that you'll both enjoy.

Explore her. Find as many of these things as possible: Things you like to do that she likes also. Do you both like to cover each other in pink paint? Whatever gets you both off is what you're looking for.

But always keep this principle in mind: You must do what you want. Just do it in a way she likes.

Satisfying Your Woman Isn't Complicated

noreply@blogger.com (John Demarco) — Fri, 02 Sep 2011 01:39:00 +0000

Sometimes sexually satisfying your woman will seem complicated or difficult. For example, she is probably sexually attracted to aggressiveness. It is a masculine trait and for that reason it is arousing to most women. But it must be combined with consideration.

This means that to sexually satisfy your woman you need to express your aggressive maleness while at the same time being gentle with her and considerate. This might feel like trying to express two opposing attitudes at the same time, so it seems complicated.

But as you gain competence, the things that will help you sexually satisfy her will seem easier and simpler, just like any other skill.

When I first learned to play the guitar, for example, just making one F chord seemed impossibly complicated. Each finger had to be in the right place with no room for error because if one finger was in a slightly wrong position, it would muffle the string next to it. And I had to press hard enough to make the string ring clearly. And my fingers had to bend in an unnatural way.

It seemed really difficult at first, but after awhile it came more and more naturally until now it is like second-nature to me.

Then there was the next task of moving from one chord to another. It has to be done quickly and on the beat. You can't press your fingers down one at a time but must place them all at once, and they must all land on exactly the right spot the first time. That seemed hopelessly complex when I first tried, but now it is easy.

The same principle holds true about satisfying your woman. When it seems complicated, it's only because you haven't mastered it yet. Take one idea at a time and apply it the next few times you have sex. Play with it. After awhile, it won't seem difficult at all. Trust me.

Increasing the Juice

noreply@blogger.com (John Demarco) — Fri, 26 Aug 2011 23:55:00 +0000

One way to look at sex is to divide it up into three states: Not aroused at all, aroused, and climaxing. A basic principle of good lovemaking is to try to extend the middle one: The state of arousal. In other words, get her aroused but don't try to get her off right away. Try to extend that arousal. Make it last. Don't let it fade, but don't let her go over the edge for awhile.

When you extend the arousal, it has a tendency to keep building up, and because of that, when she finally climaxes, her orgasm will be much more powerful and overwhelming. So will yours.

To help you hold off your own natural male tendency to make things happen quickly, you should remember this: Her feeling of arousal is producing oxytocin, a bonding molecule, in her body. The longer she's aroused, the more oxytocin is released into her blood stream and that's what you want. If she climaxed quickly, she wouldn't release as much oxytocin.

Oxytocin makes her feel happy and relaxed and bonded with you. Oxytocin is the juice of connection. A flood of oxytocin helps her feel sexually satisfied. The greater the amount of oxytocin she produces, the better she will feel (and the closer she will feel to you).

So as you see her getting aroused, realize that her body is producing these wonderful bonding, relaxing, blissful hormones and will keep producing it as long as she is aroused.

Oxytocin is released in a flood at the point of climax (for her and for you too). But in the meantime, in the buildup, you can think of it this way: Do you want to release a teaspoon of the juice into her bloodstream, or three tablespoons of it?

You want to produce as much as you can every time you have sex. So one of the most basic principles of sexually satisfying your woman is: Extend the state of arousal. Make it last. Milk it for all it's worth.

Confidence and Honesty

noreply@blogger.com (John Demarco) — Fri, 19 Aug 2011 20:35:00 +0000

Women are sexually attracted to confidence. They also have an amazing ability to know when you are being dishonest, and dishonesty turns them off. This means that to attract, arouse, and sexually satisfy your woman, you need to be genuinely confident.

But what if you're not? Merely acting confident won't work. To attract a woman who has superhuman x-ray vision and who can see right through phoniness without even trying (in other words, your woman), acting confident is not an option. A man who is not confident but is trying to act confident is a real turn-off to women.

So how can you develop genuine confidence? Simple: Confidence comes from two things. The first is a purpose you feel good about. And the second is know-how.

Imagine you are at a party and you don't really know anybody and you're feeling a little uncomfortable and don't know what to do. Then a gorgeous woman comes up to you and asks you to please open a jar for her. During the time you're opening the jar, you will feel a certain kind of confidence. That's the confidence of purpose. And this is a purpose you feel good about. You really want to get that lid off for her.

You can use this to make sure when you are with your woman you have a purpose you feel good about. You might have a goal to make her feel really good. You might have the goal of hearing her beg you to fuck her. You might have a goal of climaxing at the same time.

Whatever it is, a clear goal, a definite purpose that you feel good about, will help you feel and act genuinely confident because it prevents self-consciousness. Your attention is on your goal rather than on yourself.

The second kind of confidence is know-how, and this is a very wide area. As you learn more about your woman and what turns her on and off, your confidence will grow. General know-how about anatomy and sexual positions and "what turns most women on" also can help. Learning about anything you really want to know (about satisfying your woman) will help you feel genuinely more confident.

You can find books and instructional DVDs and audiobooks on just about any subject. The more you learn, the more confident you will feel. Genuinely.

Have a clear purpose and gain the know-how you need and you will have the kind of confidence your woman will find irresistable.

What This Blog Is About

noreply@blogger.com (John Demarco) — Sat, 13 Aug 2011 19:41:00 +0000

This blog is for men who want to have a sexually satisfied woman. You'll learn tips, information, and perspectives that will help you accomplish your purpose. I'll try to keep the articles short and practical.

My approach here is to help you make things better, not to try to make things perfect. Better means more fun and more enjoyable for both of you. Sacrificing your fun for her is not what we're after, and of course sacrificing her fun for your sake isn't what we want, either.

A sexually satisfied woman is rare. That makes a man who can provide it just as rare, and greatly desired.

When you satisfy your woman, you feel proud of yourself and happy that you are the source of the greatest pleasure she will ever experience.

There is more to life than sex, and more to a relationship than sex, but you would be hard-pressed to find any single experience more meaningful, memorable, or pleasurable than good sex that satisfies both of you.

That's what we're up to here. Feel free to write to me any time with questions, ideas, stories, and experiences. Also, I encourage you to leave comments on the articles. I hope you enjoy your reading here and your future sex life wherever you are.

Sexual Modules

noreply@blogger.com (John Demarco) — Sat, 09 May 2009 20:46:00 +0000

TO SEXUALLY satisfy your woman, you first have to be having sex with her, of course. For that to happen, she needs to want to have sex. And for THAT to happen, it helps if you have a plan.

But what kind of plan? What does that even mean?

Think of a plan as a two-stage process: First, you connect with her. Help her feel relaxed and connected with you. That's stage one. Then get her aroused. That's stage two. At that point, she wants sex, and you can have sex.

So what kinds of things are in stage one? It depends on what you and your woman enjoy. If curling up together on the couch watching Cheers re-runs puts you both in a relaxed good mood, that could be a stage one. Or giving a massage. Or taking a bath. Or going for a walk together, holding hands. Or having a drink together listening to music and talking. Or dancing. These could all be stage one.

You can think of these as kindling. You don't start a fire by lighting a match and holding it under a log. It doesn't work that way. You start small twigs first. That's stage one.

Okay, stage two. What gets her aroused? After a normal massage, you could massage her breasts and pussy. That would be stage two. If it turns her on to suck your cock, you could ask for that (and then before you come, after she's turned on, you could enter the "having sex stage"). You could watch a porno if you both like that. These would all be stage two. Whatever you find that turns her on goes in this category.

In the fire analogy, these are the bigger sticks. Once the bigger sticks are lit, you can throw on the log and it will burn.

So now you have several "modules" of stage-one items, and several stage-two modules. Now you can form a plan very easily. Depending on her mood and what's going on, you can pick a module out of the first stage, and one for the second stage, and that's your plan.

For example, "first we can watch Cheers and I'll hold her close and laugh with her, and then I'll ask her to suck my cock." You have a plan.

If you're already connected and your both relaxed and in a good mood and feeling affectionate, you are already in stage one. At that point, go to stage two. You can put larger sticks on already-hot coals.

Try to find more things to add to your "things that work" list. Collect more modules. You don't need a whole lot, but it's nice to have some variety.

If you want to have confidence and if you want her to respond well, have a plan. Now you know how.

How To Make Your Woman Happier

noreply@blogger.com (John Demarco) — Mon, 13 Apr 2009 07:09:00 +0000

THE COUPLES who kiss and cuddle the most are eight times less likely to be stressed and depressed. That means your woman is much less likely to be stressed or depressed if you two are kissing and cuddling a lot. That means your woman is much more likely to be happy, and will be happier more often, if you're kissing and cuddling a lot.

Is this getting through to you? EIGHT TIMES less likely to be stressed and depressed. That is a huge difference.

Don't wait. Start today!

Your Kiss Can Awaken Her

noreply@blogger.com (John Demarco) — Tue, 07 Apr 2009 06:56:00 +0000

...AWAKEN HER DESIRE, that is. Interesting fact: Men have testosterone in their saliva. In fact, many studies on testosterone use a very simple way of testing levels — they test the level of testosterone in the man's spit.

Another interesting fact: The biological source of sexual desire in both men and women is testosterone. If a man or a woman has a low testosterone level, their level of lust is also low. But give them a dose of testosterone, and their desire to mate increases.

Put these facts together, and what you realize is that if you made out with your woman more, she would get a dose of your testosterone, which would raise her desire to mate with you.

Remember making out in high school? Remember how aroused the girl became? Why did you think that happened? Well, think again. How would you like your woman to get that aroused today? Kiss her with passion. Make out. Awaken your princess with a kiss.

More Than Meets The Eye

noreply@blogger.com (John Demarco) — Mon, 23 Mar 2009 07:09:00 +0000

The following is a quote from the excellent book, The Ultimate Guide to Cunnilingus: How to Go Down on a Woman and Give Her Exquisite Pleasure:

The area of the clitoris is far larger than described in conventional anatomy texts and most sex guides. The external tip, or glans, is really the tip of the iceberg — and if you know icebergs, they're like upside-down pyramids, and underestimating one can sink your ship. The glans begins at one end of the shaft and continues under the surface to where the other end connect to the suspensory ligament at the pubic mound. The shaft, like the glans, is very sensitive and responds pleasurably to stimulation. At the shaft's connection to the suspensory ligament, the clitoris spans out underneath the vulva alongside the vaginal opening in a wishbone shape, forming two legs, or crura, whose underground real estate extends all the way to the back forty of the perineum. It seems that our gal clitoris quietly became a real estate tycoon — albeit one drunk on pleasure.

Remember this: The clitoris includes much more than the little nub we've come to know and love. If you focus on the nub and forget the rest, she will miss out on a lot of pleasure.

Time To Be Repetitive

noreply@blogger.com (John Demarco) — Sat, 21 Mar 2009 06:28:00 +0000

The following is a quote from the book, I Love Female Orgasm: An Extraordinary Orgasm Guide, an excellent book I highly recommend:

Once she is close to coming, don't change what you're doing. This is not the time to add variety or mix things up! Stay in the same spot, doing the same movement, until she comes or instructs you otherwise.

This is good advice. Remember it.

An Ounce of Prevention is Worth a Pound of Cure

noreply@blogger.com (John Demarco) — Tue, 10 Mar 2009 00:27:00 +0000

Let's say you get busy with whatever you do and you neglect your woman and your relationship for awhile. You don't put much time or attention on it for a few days or a week, and what happens? One day, your feelings of closeness suddenly snap. All of a sudden she doesn't want to have anything to do with you.

Of course, you will try to fix it. But it will be hard going. It won't happen nearly as quickly as you hope.

You've broken a trust and it has to be earned back. Oh, sometimes it will be given back. But eventually she'll run out of generosity, and you now have to earn it back.

She trusted you to care about your relationship, to pay attention to it, to tend to it. By neglecting her, by neglecting your relationship you have demonstrated that it isn't as important to you as she thought it was, and that hurts. It breaks a trust she had in you.

Now you have to earn it back.

Let me tell you the obvious: It's a lot easier if you just don't break the trust any more. If you want to look at it in cold, efficiency terms, it takes much less effort to maintain your closeness than to regain your closeness once it is lost.

How can you maintain your closeness? Back to the basics: Five Qualities of a Great Lover.

The Indicator of Reach

noreply@blogger.com (John Demarco) — Mon, 09 Mar 2009 07:13:00 +0000

How much reach she has for you is an indicator of your own integrity. That may not be true in every case, but it is a good idea to treat it as if it is true in every case.

When she doesn't want to be around you or when she responds to your overtures negatively, make the assumption that it's probably because you're not being honest.

What are you wanting that you are not saying? What's on your mind that you're not saying? Say it. Go ahead. Quit trying to manipulate the situation and just be honest. "I want to squeeze you, hold you, be inside you, and I don't know how that can happen with the short amount of time we have. But maybe we could make something happen that would be fun for you."

Say it and see what happens. And then make sure you give her more time when you have the time!

What You Want

noreply@blogger.com (John Demarco) — Thu, 05 Mar 2009 08:41:00 +0000

There's a big difference between "I'm GOING to do this" and "Here's what I want."

I'm GOING to do this (if it requires the cooperation of other people or circumstances you may not be able to control) is an uncertain, tense kind of thing.

Thinking it through until you know what you want is totally different. That is not to say it's going to happen, but at every opportunity, every fork in the road, every decision, and every situation that is amorphous, your chosen desire will influence the outcome. And it is all internally driven. Its locus of control is within you. This makes you feel centered and secure. You are coming from somewhere solid. You know what you want.

You may not get it. Certainly your woman's desires should have an influence too. But can she dance with someone who doesn't know where he wants to go? Can she respond to someone who does not initiate anything? No.

Think ahead of time about what you want. Not what you are going to "try to make happen." Not what you are going to try to manipulate her to do. But just what you would really like to happen. Specifically.

For example," I want us to end up relaxed in each others arms, both of us having been sexually and emotionally satisfied. I would like to kiss and fondle her, feel close to her, feel her and see her and hear her get more and more aroused. I want her to be ready to explode with exquisite ecstasy when I enter her, and I want her to come before me."

Last time I had a sexual interlude, that's what I wanted. It took me all of three minutes to decide on it. Out of the millions of possible outcomes for our evening together, this was the possibility I chose.

This kind of clarity gives you a feeling of confidence. But "I'm going to make this happen" does not give you that same feeling, because the outcome is really not entirely in your control. So a determination like that is uncertain and off balance. Insecure.

Stick with what is certain. And you can genuinely and certainly decide for yourself what you want. Be willing to think about it and make up your mind. When you do, unforeseen events will occur that you could not have predicted. Things are much more likely to go your way. And she will have something solid she can dance with. Trust me on this. I'll leave you with a quote by William H. Murray, author of The Scottish Himalayan Expedition:

Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation), there is one elementary truth the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then providence moves too.

A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one’s favor all manner of unforeseen incidents, meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamt would have come his way. I learned a deep respect for one of Goethe’s couplets:

Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it.
Boldness has genius, power and magic in it!

Words Can Clarify

noreply@blogger.com (John Demarco) — Sat, 28 Feb 2009 04:35:00 +0000

The following is a quote from the book, I Love Female Orgasm: An Extraordinary Orgasm Guide, an excellent book I highly recommend:

In Japanese, the word for male masturbation is senzuri, which means "one thousand strokes." The word for female masturbation? Manzuri: "ten thousand strokes."

In The Counterpoint to the Coolidge Effect, I pointed out that if you can make sex last longer, the bond you create is a lot stronger. Apparently, natural selection has "designed" it so that if a woman is to have a climax, the man will feel very connected to her afterward.

Make it last longer and both of you are happier. Go the ten thousand strokes.

The Counterpoint to the Coolidge Effect

noreply@blogger.com (John Demarco) — Fri, 13 Feb 2009 06:40:00 +0000

When President Coolidge was with his wife on a tour of a chicken farm, the president and his wife were in two separate tour groups. In one part of the tour, Mrs. Coolidge learned that a single rooster copulated many times a day. She quipped, "Tell that to Mr. Coolidge."

Later, someone told President Coolidge. He responded, "Was it the same chicken every time?" When he was told the answer was no, Coolidge said, "Tell that to Mrs. Coolidge."

Breeders of cows find the same thing: A bull can copulate with a single cow, and when he is done, he will not copulate any more that day. But if you put a new cow in the pen with him that day, he will copulate again. Take her out and put another in, and he'll copulate again.

In scientific circles, this has come to be known as the "Coolidge Effect," and it applies to most mammals. Male mammals have extra ardor for a female they haven't yet mated with.

Of course, this is kind of depressing for a couple who wants to remain happily monogamous.

But with the flood of new research on oxytocin, we've got some good news. In experiments with mice, researchers have found that when copulation lasts for awhile, males prefer to mate again with the female they've already mated with — preferred her to novel females.

The key was extending arousal. The mice were put in a cage that was separated down the middle with a hole between the two sides of the cage. The hole was big enough for a female mouse to go through, but too small for the male.

In that situation, she gets to set the pace of sex, and she takes it slower than he would. She goes to "his" side and they mate some, and then she escapes into the other side before he finishes. Then she comes back and they do it some more. Finally, he climaxes and the sex is over.

Later, he is put in a cage with her and other novel females, and the male prefers to mate with the female he's already mated with — directly the opposite of the Coolidge Effect. Why? Researchers are fairly sure it is because of the elevated level of oxytocin in his blood.

Arousal produces oxytocin. Extended arousal produces extra oxytocin, and oxytocin is a bonding hormone. It is involved in feelings of attachment and devotion and affection.

Your own experience can demonstrate that the same principle applies to humans. If you extend your arousal, if you go at a slower pace than you want, or if she teases you and makes you go slower or makes your interlude last longer, the two of you will become more attached to each other and more affectionate toward each other. Your feelings of devotion to each other will rise. Try it and find out for yourself. I'll wait here...

Sprinkles

noreply@blogger.com (John Demarco) — Sat, 07 Feb 2009 05:30:00 +0000

When you touch and love your woman, the inside of her body is sprinkled with magic water, allowing her to thrive and bloom. The scientific name for this magic water is oxytocin. Its effects are improved healing, relaxation, calm, the opposite of stress, being in a good mood, feeling alive, a willingness and desire to be touched, a feeling of contentment, a feeling of trust, a sense of well-being and just happy to be here.

Oxytocin is what makes a woman thrive and bloom.

Oxytocin, the magic water, is something real. It is measurable. You could test the blood for it. This is not something airy-fairy or esoteric. The amount of oxytocin increases and decreases measurably, and its results are definite and real also.

And YOU can cause this magic water to be rained down on your woman.

You don't have to flood her garden. And really, you wouldn't want to deluge her, especially only once in a great while. You don't get a good garden that way.

The best thing for thriving and blooming is to sprinkle her many times a day. Sprinkle her with the magic water at every opportunity you can, as often as you can.

For her, sex is not very far away from the feeling of warm closeness she gets when you are touching her a lot, hugging her, holding her hand, stroking her back, connecting to her in the most basic way. When you do this, she feels connected to you. In her way of thinking about things, sex is very similar to this feeling of connection.

It is a very short step. Not even really a step. It's simply an extension. Sex is like a deep hug for her. It's on the same continuum.

If you want to satisfy your woman sexually, you'll need to have sex. Duh. But in order to have sex, she needs to want it. Duh again. But in order for her to want it, she has to feel close to you. Okay. And the best way for her to feel close to you is to actually be so close you're actually touching. Do that enough, and having enough sex won't really be an issue.

Quotes About Sex

noreply@blogger.com (John Demarco) — Wed, 28 Jan 2009 09:17:00 +0000

I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it’s fantastic.
- Woody Allen

Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. “Yes” is the answer.
- Swami X

When a man talks dirty to a woman, it’s sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it’s $3.95 a minute. - Author Unknown

Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions. - Woody Allen

Sex is one of the most wholesome, beautiful and natural experiences money can buy - Steve Martin

I think people should be free to engage in any sexual practices they choose; they should draw the line at goats though. - Elton John.

A terrible thing happened to me last night again ... Nothing. - Phyllis Diller

My love life is terrible. The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty. - Woody Allen

Older women are best, because they always think they may be doing it for the last time. - Ian Fleming

Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place. - Billy Crystal

Remember, if you smoke after sex you’re doing it too fast. - Woody Allen

Sex is more than an act of pleasure, it’s the ability to feel so close to a person, so connected, so comfortable that it’s almost breathtaking to the point you feel you can’t take it. And at this moment you’re a part of them. - Author Unknown

The Element of Time

noreply@blogger.com (John Demarco) — Sun, 25 Jan 2009 08:40:00 +0000

Feeling pushed is un-arousing for women. But when you are passive, that's un-arousing for your woman also. Somewhere in between there is a perfect attitude for you to adopt in sex. If you have the attitude of forward intention, of aggressive desire, and yet with all the time in the world, you've hit the zone.

In order to have all the time in the world, you need to actually have plenty of time. Give yourself at least an hour, and arrange it in such a way that you both have that much time before you start. This means making sex a priority. It means making it important. The fact that you care enough to take plenty of time for sex will really make sex more satisfying for her.

There may be a time during sex when she wants it harder and faster, but most of the time in the beginning and in the middle, she will prefer slowness. Go ahead and be as aggressive as you want, but with laid-back feeling of all the time in the world.

What Will Ultimately Satisfy Her

noreply@blogger.com (John Demarco) — Wed, 21 Jan 2009 10:30:00 +0000

If you focus your attention on her arousal, you will do more for her sexuality than you ever could focusing on getting her to climax.

"Attitude" in aviation means where you are aiming. And the same meaning applies to people too. When you have the right aim, you will have the right attitude. When you're aiming for increasing your woman's arousal, you will have an attitude that will turn her on. When you aim at getting her off, your attitude will turn her off.

This may seem very subtle to you, but she can see through you to your heart, to your intention, to your aim, and to her, attitude is everything.

Focus on getting her aroused — on sustaining and increasing her arousal. Don't focus on getting her off. Focus on turning her on.