The GOOD, The BAD & The MISCHIEF

Sex and Drugs Deterrent.

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 13:06:00 +0000

Is it just me or could this photo be used as a poster to put teens off drugs?

I think it would be really effective.

Or maybe it could be used for contraceptive purposes I'm sure any boy seeing this would be put off!

A silence I hated.

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 11:07:00 +0000

As I was coming home from delivering my son to school on my mobility scooter I had the "joy" of being stuck behind a truck slowly going through the village on route to a place I try not to think about ever. A place that has an aura / vibe that sucks all joy from you within a ten mile distance.

The truck was a filthy, dirty, muddy dark green truck with the back and both sides open, so I had a "wonderful" view of its completely silent cargo.

A view pretty identical to this:

Not the most pleasant sight is it!

I was stuck there behind this view all the way along the main road through the village but what really got me was that these chickens, crammed into cages seemed to know they were headed to certain death. They were completely silent, not even a single cheep or cluck. It was as if they knew.

It was awful, I can't get the sight off my mind, the silence, I could even sense their feelings of doom. I'm not kidding, I could feel it all around me. I will never forget it.

I'll never eat another meal that looks like this again. I just can't.

Blooming School!

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 26 Sep 2008 15:13:00 +0000

I thought once my son went to school full-time that I would have all this free-time to do stuff like ~~surfing, blogging, watching tv~~ housework, chores and errands, but instead I find myself with less ~~inclination~~ time than ever.

Every day there's something new I have to do for school from ironing and washing to reading with my son to preparing lunches and snack. Worst of all is trying to provide a healthy lunch and two snacks. It's not as easy as just bunging a couple of apples in his snack bags I have to provide variety obviously and OMG the price of healthy options. I spend more on lunch and snacks for a five year old than I do on a weeks meals for two adults and one kid.
The school has a few things that they will not accept in a childs lunch or snack like anything that contains nuts, yoghurt, crisps (U.S call them chips) or anything unhealthy like chocolate, cake or even muffins. You would not believe how this limits the foods I can send.

The school has banned all the foods my son really, really likes!

I swear if his school had a cafeteria I would pay for his lunches and it would still be cheaper.
I can remember having school lunches and I enjoyed the majority of them but of course things have changed since I was at school so maybe my son wouldn't like them? I can't wait to find out though lol.

I'm not too impressed with the school as I've heard (from another mother) that one five year old actually managed to leave the premises without anyone knowing. Luckily he was seen by a mother going to collect her child for an appointment and brought back in but that's really not the point. How can I relax and trust this school to keep my most priceless, precious and loved person in all the world safe after knowing this has happened?

Also my son was poked in the eye by another child and his eye was red and swollen when I collected him from school. The teacher and her two assistants hadn't even noticed! The eye was scarlet and really puffy, it was the first thing I noticed but none of them did.

I'm not impressed at all.

An improved Amy Winehouse

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 18 Sep 2008 22:38:00 +0000

The New And Improved Amy Winehouse.

It's a sad statement but true, Amy Winehouse has never looked as good as she does here.

That either says a lot for the designers at Lego or says very little complimentary about Amy.

A dogs' life.

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 15 Sep 2008 11:07:00 +0000

Think you're my master?

Last time I checked, you're the one
picking up my poop.

Men + Pools = Dickheads.

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 10 Sep 2008 13:05:00 +0000

Have you ever noticed how swimming pools or sea water turn men, particularly teen males until mid - thirties males into complete and utter dicks?
They find great joy in prancing around showing their sexy bodies (in their eyes it's sexy anyway) and splashing everyone, diving or slapping the water belly first engulfing all in mini tsunamis of water and just being a major dick.

This is my pictorial ode to those males we all know, loathe/love and in some cases even live with. I call it "The dick-head in the pool"

Migraines - NOT a cause for sympathy!

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sun, 07 Sep 2008 12:45:00 +0000

Hell hit me yesterday, no, it sucker-punched me and then kicked me while I was down on the ground, curled up in a foetus like ball whimpering for my mummy and praying to god for rescue.
I had a migraine, not a run of the mill headache but a migraine with added pain brought on from any light no matter how dim, any sound no matter how quiet and any movement even shallow breathing. Added to the immense pain I suffer from pain, hurts and aches daily and this was immense.

**
A migraine is not the same as the small, trifling headaches you get. These destroy any thought or sight you have. The pain is like being kicked in the unmentionables with a steel toe cap and then having boiling hot water thrown on there. Even that isn't as bad as a migraine headache. Imagine one of those ice-cream brain freezes and then multiply that by one thousand and you're still not even close!

So, I had the numbness down one side, the ache and pain in the one side, deep down, right in my very bones. I had the blurred vision, unable to focus eyesight, metallic taste in my mouth and the nausea every time I so much as took a breath.

I had to go to bed, to lie down in pitch black and blessed silence. I really, desperately needed to get rid of this pain. I would not have said no to going to hospital it hurt that much.

Hubby was downstairs with our son watching tv. How do I know this? I know this because he had the tv on so loud I could hear it blaring in every cell of my body. My head was thudding with every word and then the adverts would come on, louder than the actual show and all with stupid, irritating jingles that set off sequences of colour behind my eyes rather like fireworks only each one hurt, hurt a lot.

I asked him to tun down the tv, no big deal, no big deal to me or anyone who isn't my hubby anyway. He threw a toddler strop, moaned about how the tv was no louder than normal and no doubt thinking I was just being a bitch and complaining for nothing. He did not stop to consider how when someone has a migraine they are much more sensitive to light and sound, how even the sound of a pin dropping will cause extreme pain. He couldn't see how my little headache could be any worse than a slight ache that doesn't even need an aspirin.

I was going to make this a light-hearted post about my hubby getting stroppy because he had to turn down the tv because I had a migraine but there was nothing humorous in it all. I feel hurt and angry by his lack of care or consideration. It's made me wonder if this relationship is still worth fighting for. There's no care or thought for each other anymore just irritation. Sympathy or empathy are non-existant.
These types of "moments" start me wondering whether this relationship has passed the finishing post and is really over and done with, dead, finished, completely kaput!

Two Days Later (two days of heaven and hell)

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sat, 06 Sep 2008 01:20:00 +0000

It's Friday night now and I'm thinking back on my sons first two days (well, he finishes at noon so it should really be mornings) of school. It's not till the third week of school that he can go all-day and I will be able to nap in the day. I desperately miss my lie-ins and lounging around in my pyjamas till the afternoon.

Waking up at seven am is a big shock to the system and it's ~~pure hell~~ difficult for both of us to adapt to.
Here's a couple of my thoughts and experiences over the last two days:

* I didn't sleep at all the night before his first day, I was too nervous for him and petrified that I wouldn't wake up in time. I had all these images and scenarios running through my mind like my son with no friends, my son being bullied even the teacher (who seems to be a lovely woman btw) picking on him. I worried so much I had severe diarrhoea but my son slept soundly even the alarm blaring an inch away from his head did not wake him. He was so blase about the whole thing, not excited or scared although once he'd seen himself in his uniform he kept popping to the hall mirror to have another look at himself.
When we'd finished getting dressed in the morning, I found I was looking at this strange child I didn't really know. Not my baby or my little boy but a big boy looking smart and grown up in his school uniform. It made me melt with feelings of pride and yes, I admit it feelings of sorrow. I know I shouldn't have felt sad but I just didn't want to reach this stage, this level of independence, this separation of him into a person in his own right and not only my son.

* It wouldn't be my life if something hadn't gone wrong before we even left the house and this turned out to be a shoe issue. My son has one foot a size larger than the other, not a millimetre or two but a whole size and of course when we bought his new school shoes we only measured his smaller foot. So while one foot is comfortably encased in an expensive show the other is all bunched up and uncomfortable. I don't have the receipt so I will be spending some of next weeks food budget on yet another pair of shoes.

* The weather turned out to be non-stop heavy rain all night and all day. We were absolutely saturated when we arrived at school. I'd like to think that one of the mothers who drove past us in their warm, dry cars felt a bit guilty when we arrived looking like drowned rats but I doubt it.
They're all so snobby and cliquey that it just gave them another reason to look down their noses at me. Just as long as they look down on my son or they'll find I'm a formidable person to cross.

* As I can't stand or walk very far due to severe dizzyness, nausea and actually feeling faint I have to use a mobility scooter to get to the school. Thankfully my son finds this great fun and we scoot (is that a word?) to school with him sitting on my lap. He loves pressing the horn, going through puddles and the fact that we have to use the road and not the pavement because it tilts at a seventy-five degree slant just like a "real motorbike".

"We're just like a motorbike mummy, go faster, go faster!"

says my child the speed demon.

* Not one single mother even considered offering to bring my son home or collect him if the rain was heavy even though at least seven of them have to drive past my house to get to school. I'm sure this wouldn't happen in a council estate but because the majority of the homes in this village are worth a minimum of three quarters of a million they seem to only socialise with others in the same financial bracket. I am in the polar opposite bracket ie barely above the poverty line.
I had to wait ten minutes for my son to finish in the afternoon as they were let out late. I waited in the playground on my own, with the snobby mums (the nicest description I can think of right now) all in a little group laughing and joking together. It felt like being a social outcast or a leper in a pears soap commercial audition. I spent those ten minutes thinking and worrying that my son was ~~suffering through the same ordeal~~ also alone inside the school.

* He came out of school eventually as the teachers won't let the children go till they see the parent and the snobby mums were all in front of me so I'd been hidden. He was the happiest I've seen him in a long time, full of beans and chattering away about how fantastic big school is, how all his friends are there (he rattled off a list of at least twenty names lol) and how he wants to go again. "can I go again mummy? Please? Pleeaassseeee? Can I go forever?"

Somehow I think that desire will change after a few years.

* I'm so thankful that he makes friends so easily, it's a skill I wish I possessed but never have and most likely never will. My son hasn't reached the stage yet where girls are "yucky" which is nice, I kind of hope he never does. His bestest friends at the moment are a boy called "Tali" and a girl called Sophie (she's lovely, makes me wish I had a sister for my son). She chose my son as her one friend to take to Legoland for her birthday. Out of all her friends and cousins she chose my son and she hadn't even seen him for six weeks!

I'm so proud and chuffed, this just proves I'm right and he is extra special.

* Even though my son had been at preschool full-time the three hours he is spending at school is exhausting him. He is shattered by two in the afternoon, so much so that I'm going to be re-introducing afternoon naps next week.
I was going to send him full time the week after next but I may have to re-consider that plan if he is still that tired. On the ~~down~~ plus side I should be able to make bedtime earlier too and actually have some grown ups only, mummy and daddy time too!

**
Photographs to follow when I get batteries for my camera, the photos are there I just can't access them lol.

The Night Before School.

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 03 Sep 2008 22:17:00 +0000

Tomorrow is my sons first day at school, "proper big boy school" as opposed to pre-school. I thought this would be easier as he's been to pre-school for over two years but I think it's worse.

I went to bed three hours ago and spent all that time lying there, brain racing with thoughts and worries like:

Will I get up in time? he can't be late, not on his first day
Will I remember everything he has to take?
What if he hates his new teacher? there's only the one class for his age
What if no-one plays with him? completely illogical he has loads of friends
What if his teacher hates him?
What if he gets bullied?
How will I cope with him away from me all that time, every day?

I should be feeling excited for him, it's the first step of a brand new adventure for him, a new beginning, a new more independent life but I'm feeling dread, nervous and desperately worried. How stupid was I to waste all those years fussing with non-important stuff when I could have spent that time with him. Why did I go online / read / nap / do errands? Why didn't I just play with my son, make some more of those precious memories before he stopped being my baby boy and became my big boy?

If someone tells you those years from baby to school-age pass quickly, I know it seems like a lie specially if you have yet another night of feeds and colic to deal with but it really does go too quick.

I'm not ready for him to go to school. I know it should be the start of an adventure for him, that I should be excited for him but I'm not. I hate this whole idea, he's too young for school Damn it!
He's not even five for another two weeks. This is too soon, I'm not ready to let him go. I don't want to let him go, to let someone else influence his thinking and moral values

What if she's a secret bigot or small-minded?
What if she doesn't indulge his love of the colour pink?
Will she let him wear a pink tutu and Bob-the-builder hat as fancy dress play?
Will she gently stop him putting his hand down his trousers? (not fiddling just a comfort thing)

I'm trusting this woman I barely know with not only my sons education but his safety and happyness too. If he hates it he will still have to go there. There's no other school anywhere near and I'd get no help with transport even though I don't drive.

God, this is a nightmare. I don't want tomorrow to ever arrive.

Breaking The Brake.

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 03 Sep 2008 11:49:00 +0000

We've all heard, read or discussed how schools are failing our children in everything from dealing with bullying to being able to read, write or spell correctly. Some children even leave school without having read an entire book and could not tell you the difference between "to" "too" and "two" and my personal annoyance of "there" and "their".

This is happening in all schools and at all levels, even in the classes where they are expected to be able to show a slight knowledge of spelling simple words that are used daily.

Somehow I'd rather my child went to a different school than the one above!

A Chiropodists Dream Boot.

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 26 Aug 2008 00:02:00 +0000

Japan & China are the source of some wonderful items like i-pods, sushi, the tv show "Monkey" and virtual bubble wrap however when it comes to fashion, not so much.

These boots are the latest craze to be the most coveted fashion item of young women. However the fact it's fashion does not really answer the why? where? when? & who?

Sometimes the latest fashion craze, like Spandex are just not designed to be worn or taken seriously.

Transgendered Horses?

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 12 Aug 2008 00:31:00 +0000

Unicorns are said to be magical, mythical and special animals that resemble the more common horse just with a horn and the ability of being able to fly added.

Or are they?

Maybe unicorns are just pre-op horses!

Pain, Agony And Wishes.

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sun, 20 Jul 2008 21:04:00 +0000

For the last three days, I have been in pain, all - encompassing pain from my scalp to the soles of my feet. It is a severe pain and I've spent most of today in tears from it. The closest description to it I can think of is the pain you get with tummy cramps when you have diarrhoea only it's everywhere. It's keeping me awake and I can't get comfortable no matter what I do. Prescription painkillers for this pain aren't taking any of it away. I need stronger painkillers or a knock out drop that wont wear off till the pain goes.

What always surprises me with pain is the way it makes me so crabby, snappy and impatient with everyone including myself. Well, more than usual anyway.

I just hope the doctor will give me something that will work tomorrow because I really don't want to go on like this for much longer.

Laughter And Tears.

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sun, 20 Jul 2008 12:20:00 +0000

When is the last time you laughed so hard it hurt? And what was so funny?

The last time I laughed like this was when I was really annoyed with my (then) husband and he kept on trying to be "amorous". I was getting more and more irritated but he just didn't want to hear it. So, after being treated like an amusement arcade for a while (you know twiddle, fiddle, poke, prod etc, etc) I did the only thing that would guarantee he would leave me alone.

I farted. I did the biggest, smelliest, most off-putting stench explosion I could muster.

It worked, he backed off so quickly that he lost his balance and fell off the bed, hitting his head on the bedside table on his way down and landed on the floor with an egg shell of a bump right next to his eye. He was in pain, he hurt and the sound of crying could be heard from three streets away.

Only the crying was mine, inter-mingled with hysterical laughter as he sat on the floor, holding his head and complaining of double vision.

This was when I realised that

(1) I didn't want to be married any more.

(2) I love bedside tables.

My Secret, Dirty Confession.

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sat, 19 Jul 2008 19:11:00 +0000

I'm admitting a secret here, something that at my age (in my 30's that's all I'm going to admit to!) is really quite sordid but I can't help myself.

It's not some serious, health risking or illegal activity type of secret here, I'm not a secret bullimic, anorexic, drug user or shop lifter and it's nothing that would worry or cause harm to anyone (Hubby, you can relax now lol). My secret is something that I wouldn't even be ashamed of if I was say twenty years younger. But. I'm an adult, a grown up (allegedly) and this vice should never even had entered my mind but it has. I'm firmly entrenched in this obsession. I scour internet sites and blogs on the subject. Hell, it's even on my desktop screen now.

What is my secret?

I'm addicted to watching the teen drama "Gossip Girl" and yes I know that's bad but that's not the worst of it. Not only do I watch each episode and replay I can I'm also madly in lust / admiration of the evil-doing of one of the characters.

I used to like Serena, the rich girl who was a nice girl, unaffected by money or status and her boyfriend Dan, the poor one (who still has more money than I've ever had) and is really moralistic. Then there's Little J, the wannabe who is meant to be naive but is really a manipulative, materialistic little witch in sheeps clothing.

Over the run of this series I've gone off these characters, I still like them and am addicted to their intruigues but I much prefer the evilness and manipulative powers of Blair and Chuck.

Blair, the richest one of all, the one who wears the most amazing clothes, has more servents than the entire Saudi Royal family yet is really just a girl who needs to be loved and is vulnerable in her needyness. I love her character, the way she plots, plans and schemes. I find myself willing her to win but I'm torn when she takes on Chuck because..........................................

I also want Chuck to win. I want him to be even more manipulative and evil. I want him and Blair to end up together ruining and destroying all who cross their way. I want to see a new show starring these two and how they destroy everyone who stands in their way. They would be the anti-heroes, the ones you shouldn't like but instead of hating or despising you find yourself egging them on to ever more nasty, evil acts.

My confession is that I am addicted to Chuck Bass, I love the way that under his evilness he's really a great guy who is just misunderstood and just wants to be loved for him and wants the respect of his father. He's meant to be a student at a private school so I guess I could be old enough to be his mum, it's not inconceivable, I would have had to given birth at fourteen but that's not unusual nowadays.

So I guess I'm lusting over a guy young enough to be my son!!!

Oh the shame!

Another Advert I Just Don't Find Appealing.

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 17 Jul 2008 12:12:00 +0000

If we were to go back in time then I'm guessing that some of the well-known and well-used foods and medications would not be anything like the stuff we are used to now.
A prime example is this cure to help get rid of some of that excess poundage many people suffer from.

Celebrispam = The news you DON'T need.

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 16:10:00 +0000

My Spam folder has been storing a wealth of celebrity gossip in the last two days.

I've received:

AMOUNT SUBJECT TITLE

03 ANGELINA DIES IN MISCARRIAGE.

04 ANGELINA HAS TRIPLETS

02 TOM CRUISE TO DIVORCE KATIE HOLMES

05 JAMIE LYNN SPEARS IN PORN TAPE SCANDAL

01 TYRA BANKS HATES BLACK WOMEN

01 MARTHA STEWART IN LESBIAN CONFESSION

Who knew celebs had such amazing lives. I mean isn't it pretty difficult to give birth to twins by c- section as well as giving birth to triplets and dying in a miscarriage all at the same time?

I can't wait to find out what happens next in the secret celebrity lives. Maybe George Clooney will admit he prefers men or maybe a playboy bunny will admit to liking sex......................... who knows? I can't wait!

It must be true I read it on the internet!!

Promises And Let Downs.

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 13:43:00 +0000

Well, a couple of weeks ago I decided to become the "bestest mummy ever" and ordered my four year old an mp3 player from e-bay. I didn't get an i-pod because of the price and the fact my son isn't five till September. He will also drop it in the first five minutes and smash it to smithereens. I got him a cheapo version thinking I'd gain some real kudos and maybe some good behaviour. I made sure I ordered a pink one as it's his favourite colour and the pink is quite a "macho" pink unlike his usual preference of pale, pastel, delicate pink.

The ad said the seller was located in London, U.K. All well and good I live not too far from London so I told my son who got very excited and asked ten or so times a day if it was here yet.

It arrived on the twentieth day of waiting

Strangely the seller is in the capital city of England and states so on the ad, yet the item is sent from Hong Kong. Now please correct me if I'm wrong but isn't Hong Kong miles and miles away from London? Hell, even the language and currency is different but it does make the fact it took three weeks to arrive more understandable.

It arrived, my son was so excited he was almost shaking, he couldn't wait to play it so after unpacking it I set about putting his songs onto it. I knew putting the songs on would be easy because I have an i-pod and if you can use something that complicated then a cheapo version will be easy. Right?

Wrong!

I've tried synching, copy & pasting and sending music to it and no success, nothing. The blooming thing wont appear as a device I can synch music to and copying and pasting just doesn't work.

I'm using the correct formats, yet still nothing, well, nothing except for one very upset son who thinks mummy has let him down in the biggest way possible.

I'm hoping that it might be because I'm on a vista laptop so when hubby gets home I'm going to try it on the XP desktop. If that doesn't work I'm going to curl up into a ball and cry.

Badvert or Advert?

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 11 Jul 2008 18:13:00 +0000

Have you ever noticed how some adverts really should have been thought out just that little bit more?

Toddlers Saying YUCK Are Apparantly Racist.

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 09:29:00 +0000

Claim: Kids who say 'yuck' may be racist.

Toddlers who say "yuck" when given flavorful foreign food may be exhibiting racist behavior, a British government-sponsored organization says.
The National Children's Bureau in London released a 366-page guide counseling adults on recognizing racist behavior in young children, The Daily Telegraph reported Monday.

The guide, titled Young Children and Racial Justice, warns adults that babies must also be included in the effort to eliminate racism because they have the ability to "recognize different people in their lives."
The bureau says to be aware of children who "react negatively to a culinary tradition other than their own by saying 'yuck'."
"Racist incidents among children in early years settings tend to be around name-calling, casual thoughtless comments and peer group relationships," the guide says.
Staff members are advised not to ignore racist actions and to condemn them when they occur.

So what happens when my four year old won't eat tomatoes because they are "yucky and will "make him dead"?
Am I meant to give him the talk about how colour means nothing it's who we are inside that counts?
Or do I just do what I've always done and ~~finely dice / mush / hide the offending item~~ make sure he doesn't have any on his plate?
He hates the taste of tomatoes, always has done and most likely always will do. They taste yucky" because that is a better description than saying they "taste like sh*t". He eats dried melon, curry, doner meat, loves pasta and nan bread. One of his best friends is indian and he doesn't even seem to have noticed a difference in skin colour and to be honest I honestly don't think he'd care. All he would care about is whether that child will play pirates / Dora or bats with him.

"Yucky" means it tastes bad just like it does for millions of kids it is in no way a form of racism. That is just ridiculous!

An Apple A Day Keeps Happyness Away.

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 25 Jun 2008 12:03:00 +0000

My neighbour and friend has gone to Florida ~~to eat, drink and flirt~~ on holiday and ~~has been begged, threatened and blackmailed~~ is kindly bringing me back an i-pod. Whether it's a classic, nano or shuffle I don't know but it will be cheaper and be a higher spec than any I could get here for the same money.

I'm sad enough to really want one, even with my ~~over thirty-five~~ barely twenty-one years of life behind me. I want to store all my music and favourite pop videos in one place and also have those you-tube mash-ups featuring my favourite tv show characters all stored for my viewing pleasure in the one place.

Ideally I'd like a pink i-pod but as the skins and cases are quite cheap I'm sure I can make mine look exactly how I want it to. Pink enough to make me happy and pink enough so my husband wont want to touch it.

Now for the problem - you knew there was one coming didn't you!

To buy songs, audiobooks, tv shows etc for my i-pod I need an i-tunes store account.
I've tried creating one now for nearly a week and it wont let me. Every-time I enter my maestro credit card details it says it's not a valid payment type even though the information states it accepts maestro. It also states it accepts paypal, but there's no option anywhere to actually use your paypal details to open an account.

I e-mailed "apple" explained my problem and received a generic e-mail back which addressed none of my concerns and provided no helpful information whatsoever.
It seems that apple just care about you until you purchase one of its products and once you do it doesn't care about the customer or it's service to that customer.
I should have gotten a "zune".

So, I now have an i-pod I can't put music on. A music gadget made by an extremely large international company who have less than no interest in helping me sort this.
I'll not be buying another apple product ever again, I'll stick to generic brands and smaller companies that are willing to provide customer service to those that live outside of the U.S. Companies not like apple.

Becks' Small, Big Package

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 20 Jun 2008 11:10:00 +0000

Now we're all intelligent enough to know that magazines, newspapers and tv airbrushes and photoshops the celebs in their publications until they possess the skinnyness, flawless beauty and astounding lack of stretchmarks and wrinkles that we all have.

Sometimes however someone doesn't care too much or look too closely and mistakes are made (this is one of the best things about celeb mags).
So let's get on with the examples shall we?
I know you're waiting with anticipation.

First off we have David Beckham and his more than slightly "impressive" man goodies in his recent Armani advertising campaign,which are smaller in real-life.

This one is from a free sample for a healthy cereal that will help you lose weight and become curvy. While that would be ~~a miracle in itself~~ amazing the real amazing thing is how just by eating this cereal you can change the colour of your stomach.

Maybe that's the problem with this model below. She eats nothing but that cereal which is why her waist is so ~~freakish~~ weird.

And you though size zero was small!

I think the moral of the story is "If you're going to photoshop your model, get someone to double check it for you"

The Most Expensive Burger (expensive and pointless)

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 18 Jun 2008 21:35:00 +0000

A burger has gone on sale described as "the world's most expensive burger." It is being sold by the well-known ~~one stop shop for heart attacks~~ fast food restaurant "Burger King".

It costs an incredible £95 / $190 and will be ~~dumped between a pitiful bun~~ crafted by Burger Kings very own ~~immature and inept, asbo holding, acne ridden, hygiene lacking~~ staff.

It's called "The Burger" (wonder how long it took to come up with that name?) and consists of Japanese beef with white truffles, Cristal champagne onion straws, Pata Negra ham drizzled in Modena balsamic vinegar, organic white wine and shallot infused mayonnaise and pink Himalayan rock salt.

Now, I don't know about you but if I was willing to spend £95 ($190) on a burger I wouldn't be buying it from Burger King. I'd want it to be made by a top chef and served ~~by gorgeous, naked men~~ in elegant surroundings possibly on a plate gilded in gold leaf not in a cardboard box.

A statement released by Burger King says that "The Burger" is an extension of Burger King's quality burger menu and is aimed at burger aficionados, looking for the ultimate burger taste experience. Somehow I can't see too many people going for this just the Spears / Lohan wannabe's.

My Opinion IS WORTH MONEY!

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 13 Jun 2008 16:29:00 +0000

The UK government site http://my.yougov.com/go.aspx?id=a4f3e77d-0901-4051-bbff-9392d66c79db is a site where the government actually PAY YOU to fill in surveys. Once you reach a total of £50 they send you a cheque which you can then deposit in your bank and spend on whatever you want.

Sounds good to me. A couple of minutes now and again and in time some money I can spend on ~~new clothes~~ bills.

If you fancy earning a bit of money then you could do worse than this site, while it will not make you rich (it is the government after all) it will in time make for ~~a good afternoon at the shops~~ one less bill to worry about.

Click on the link below to join up too.

http://my.yougov.com/go.aspx?id=a4f3e77d-0901-4051-bbff-9392d66c79db

Punished For Being A Couple.

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 12 Jun 2008 09:27:00 +0000

Stay at home mums and couples ARE penalised by the benefit system, economists find.

Couples with children and mothers who stay at home are being penalised by the benefits system which favours lone parents.
The respected Institute for Fiscal Studies found that while the number of couples with children in poverty shot up last year, the numbers of poor single parents came down.
And a third more families with just one parent working are below the poverty line than in 1997.

On Tuesday, the Government was forced to admit that the number of children living in poverty was on the rise for the second year running.
The IFS found a large difference in the fortunes of children depending on whether they live with two parents or just one.

Poverty among children in couple families has gone up by 145,000 over the last two years, while poverty among children in lone parent families has fallen by 14,000.
The biggest increase was among families with one working parent – usually the father – where poverty increased by 111,000.
Twenty per cent of children in these families now live in poverty compared to only 15 per cent two years ago.

Conservative work and pensions spokesman Chris Grayling blamed Gordon Brown's tax credits system, which gives more money to single parents than couples with children.
"It's hardly surprising that we have such a high level of family breakdown when the Government's policies have left couples with children behind,. We have a benefits system that encourages people to live apart and a tax system that no longer recognises marriage. We can't go on like this."

People are said to be in poverty if their household income is less than 60 per cent of the median, or midpoint figure.
This equates to an income of less than £226 per week based on a couple with no children.

Welcome to my world.