Baby Baby

The Pity Party is Over

2013-05-23T13:23:00.000+01:00

Cobblers.

Normal service is resumed.

I went back to Slimming World today, thanks to Polly for dragging me along. I could have easily just given up, but I'm not a happy fatty.

So, I put on fifteen pounds in three weeks. Whatever. Nobody died.

I'm back on the ~~diet~~ healthy eating plan.

I'm going to see Dawn to get my head straight.

I'm sorry about the self-loathing in my last post. I've stopped now.

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How to Gain Eleven Pounds in Seven Days

2013-05-23T10:01:00.000+01:00

Want to know how to gain eleven pounds in seven days? The answer is to go on a diet.

There are not many things I really and truly hate, but I detest diets. I've either been on a diet or thinking I should be on a diet since I was nine years old. That's thirty four years of misery and guilt. Thirty four years of yo-yo dieting. Thirty four years of disappointment and self-loathing.

I was hoping to be able to write a ta daaaa! post, with before and after photographs, showing how much weight I had lost. But my latest attempt to become fitter, healthier - and smaller - has crashed and burned.

I'd spent a good few years saying that diets didn't work (if they did work, I'd be a size 10) and I was never going to diet again, but I was getting fatter and fatter. I had to do something. I'd tried Thinking Slimmer. Some of my behaviours surrounding food and exercise had changed, but I didn't lose any weight. I'd been seeing a Cognitive Hypnotherapist and she did help me to break through some of the mental barriers that I'd put up, the ones that I'd built up over the years, the ones that prevented me from losing weight. So then I was ready to lose weight. I joined Slimming World last October .

The first four months at Slimming World were great. I found that the eating plan suited me, as did the group support. As well as losing three stones, I lost the headaches and the heartburn of the binge eater.

Then I got ill with pneumonia, pleurisy and sepsis. After a few days of illness, a week in hospital, and a scary first few days at home, I'd lost another stone.

It was important to me to get back to Slimming World as quickly as I could, but more important to eat well after my health scare. I followed the plan, but my weight loss had stopped. I had reached the dreaded dieter's plateau. Despite eating healthily I stayed at the same weight for two months. I haven't been able to exercise at all, my recovery from serious illness is slow and I have to rest most of the time. Even so, I would have expected some small weight losses.

A few weeks ago I went for my weekly weigh-in to find that I had gained a pound and a half. I had followed the ~~diet~~ plan to the letter that week. The disappointment I felt prompted a week off the plan. Six months is a long time to stick to an eating plan, even one as simple as Slimming World. I didn't go crazy - we eat healthy, balanced meals as a family - although I did eat white toast with butter, chocolate and biscuits. I ate all the things I fancied, but hadn't really had for a while. Mmm, pizza.

I gained a whopping eleven pounds in that week off the plan.

I didn't think it was possible to gain that amount of weight in a week. I went straight back on the plan for five days but only lost a measly two pounds. Since then, for a week or so, I've been binge eating. Out of control. Eating everything in sight. I can't stop. I have continuous headaches and heartburn. I'm bloated. I haven't weighed myself. I daren't weigh myself. I hate myself.

Where do I go from here?

If I go back to Slimming World, I'll feel a big fat failure every week as I can't seem to control my eating right now.

If I stop dieting I'll end up bigger than I was before. I hate being the biggest mum at the school gates. I hate being an unhealthy, out of breath, lumbering, unfanciable lump. Fat cow. Lazy fat cow. Stupid fat cow.

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The Top Five Regrets of the Dying

2013-05-14T19:54:00.000+01:00

I read an article in the Guardian this morning, entitled Top Five Regrets of the Dying. It's not a new article, and I have heard the sentiments expressed before, but it has certainly made me think today.

The Five Regrets, collected from her patients by a palliative care nurse, are:
1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
2. I wish I hadn't worked so hard.
3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

I can see that being true to yourself, expressing your feelings and allowing yourself to be happier are three sides to a triangle - they are all necessary. But how often do we compromise on one, or all, of these?

I am all things to all people. I act differently depending on the company and the situation. I'm a professional writer/blogger, a dutiful daughter, a loving wife, a caring mother and a good friend. I am afraid that if I expressed my real feelings all the time then my clients, mother, husband, children and friends wouldn't like or love me quite as much as they do. So how can I be true to myself?

On my old CV I had, under 'Strengths', communicates well at all levels. This is supposed to be a Good Thing, but am I not being authentic or true to myself if I modify my behaviour and speech depending on who I'm talking to? I want to fit in and please everyone, whether it's at a board meeting, in a shop or at the school gate. I sometimes wonder whether this shows weakness rather than strength of character.

If I'm not true to myself, how can I be present and honest with anyone else? I worry that I don't know how to be anything else. I haven't always done the right thing, preferring to keep the peace over standing up for myself or others. These mistakes eat away at me. There are decisions I made that I regret right now - I'm not waiting until I'm on my death bed to feel like this. I regret more of the things that I have done, than the things I haven't.

Perhaps being honest with myself here (on the fourth anniversary of starting this blog) is how I start to turn this around. Maybe I'm being unnecessarily hard on myself and my character flaws. I know I'm not a bad person, I just need to let go of the past and move forward. I want to be authentic and happy, to have strength of character. I will cherish those friendships that I still have. To do this I need to take all of this negative baggage and lose it somewhere.

Would there be anything you would regret on your death bed? What can you do now to change that?

Between drafting this post and deciding to hit publish I visited my Google Reader. One of my favourite people has written an awesome blog post that I have to share with you. Please do check out 33 Things I Have Learned by Kat at Housewife Confidential. You'll be glad you did. Promise.

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Reasons to Love Living in Milton Keynes #8: The Stables

2013-05-10T12:47:00.000+01:00

The Stables at Wavenden in Milton Keynes is my new favourite live music venue.

It was built by Dame Cleo Laine and the late Sir John Dankworth in 1970, in the grounds of their home. It is now run as a charity providing world class music and entertainment. There are also hundreds of educational events held each year. You can learn to play the ukulele or even study songwriting with Beth Nielsen Chapman.

The Jim Marshall Auditorium seats just 398, but attracts a diverse range of artists from Seth Lakeman to Sarah Millican via T'Pau. There is also a second stage hosting even more intimate performances from up and coming artists.

Late last year I saw that Turin Brakes were playing at The Stables. I'd seen them earlier in the year at Esquires in Bedford and wanted to see them again. Andy already had a ticket to see Luke Haines that night so we got a babysitter and I decided to see Turin Brakes on my own. I managed to book a single ticket in the front row.

Everything about my experience of The Stables was fantastic. Stewards ensured the parking was well-organised. Yes, I do realise how middle-aged I sound. All of the staff inside the venue were friendly and helpful too. We were all ushered into our seats ready for the support band. I don't think rockers Strange Empire had ever experienced such a polite, seated, appreciative crowd. I think they enjoyed the experience. We did.

Turin Brakes were amazing, of course. The sound quality was excellent. They played most of one of the best albums of all time, The Optimist LP, as well as tracks from their other albums. They also treated us to some new songs. I can't wait for the new album. They are great musicians. I love them. Me, gush? Never. Okay, just a little bit.

At one point they hopped off the stage and did an acoustic number, like a band of wandering minstrels.

Awesome.

Despite us staying in our seats (we didn't want to get a friendly telling off from the ushers), I hope the band knew we were loving the gig. There were ovations and encores galore at the end.

Dear Turin Brakes,
Please please please please come and play The Stables again soon.
Thanks, Sandy x

In the meantime I shall take my pick from Jane Siberry, Midge Ure, Ricky Ross, Richard Herring, Chas n Dave, 4 Poofs & A Piano, Hazel O'Connor, Sam Lee, Ruby Turner, Gretchen Peters, Elkie Brooks...
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The Selfie

2013-05-01T06:57:00.001+01:00

Digital photography and camera phones really are fantastic, aren't they?

No more snapping away in the dark, hoping for the best that you don't have your thumb over the lens. No more waiting for Truprint to process your roll of film, only to find half the photos have stickers on telling you that you have camera shake. The stickers were unnecessary, frankly. I could see with my own inexpert eyes just how poor my photos were. Dark, disappointing, fuzzy images and half-closed eyes are, fortunately, a thing of the past.

Now we can take as many photographs as we like and select the best images, publishing them instantly onto social media. You don't need anyone to take your picture, you can do it yourself.

And so, the selfie was born.

Wherever you are and whatever you're doing, you can record it and share it with the world.

At the hairdressers? You must Instagram your hair in the mirror before, during and after your cut and colour.

Unwell? You need to show us exactly how rough you look, so we can respond with the appropriate level of sympathy.

Met a celebrity? Take an arm's length selfie or we simply won't believe it happened.

All dolled up and about to go out? You must share how amazing you look - especially if it's a rare night out.

Met a friend for drinks? Show us how much fun you're having. Raise that glass.

On holiday? You must share your just got out of the pool look.

Home alone and bored? Take seventy seven photos of yourself pulling faces. You never know, one of them may be good enough to be your new avatar.

Please tell me that last one isn't just me.

You could pretend someone else took the photograph and caught you looking naturally glamorous or hilarious, but we know it was you.

How many selfies do you take? Or, to put it another way, exactly how much of a narcissist are you?

***

This is my entry into The Photo Gallery: Week 140. The Gallery has been going for 140 weeks - how did that happen? The theme this week is self-portrait.

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Recipe for Cheat's Treacle Sponge Pudding

2013-04-29T10:36:00.000+01:00

There's something so warming and comforting about a sticky sweet treacle sponge.

I love baking, but I haven't got the time or inclination to steam a sponge pudding. You have to steam it for hours, watching so that doesn't boil dry. No, not my idea of baking fun - but oh the oozing golden syrup and the warm sponge. There has to be a better way...

... and there is. I give you is my mother-in-law's recipe for a cheat's treacle sponge pudding. It is easy peasy. In fact it's so simple you'll wonder why you didn't think of it.

Ingredients

2 eggs (weigh them in their shells, this will be the weight you use for the next three ingredients)
Butter
Caster sugar
Self-raising flour (or plain flour and 1tsp baking powder)
Milk, 1-2 tbsps
Golden syrup, 150-200ml (less than half a tin)

Method

Heat the oven to 180/gas 4.

Make an all-in-one sponge batter by whisking the eggs, butter, sugar, flour and milk for a couple of minutes.

Pour the golden syrup into the bottom of a heatproof serving dish.

Carefully spoon the cake batter over the syrup. I use two spoons; one to scoop, one to push off (as if adding mashed potato to a cottage pie). Smooth the top with the back of a spoon.

Bake for 35-45 minutes, until a knife inserted into the centre of the sponge comes out clear.

Allow to cool a little.

Serve with custard.

You can substitute the golden syrup for a generous layer of jam if you like.

Four Wonderful Ways to Celebrate Global Love Day

2013-04-29T10:34:00.000+01:00

Today's blog post is brought to you in association with Hallmark.

Love, and being loved, is such an important part of our lives that sometimes it’s easy to take it all for granted. It’s for this reason that an annual symbolic event, known as Global Love Day has been established, as a day on which we can remind ourselves of how crucial it is to celebrate love and be compassionate to one another – as well as being compassionate to ourselves too.

Taking place on May 1st every year, Global Love Day is intended to bring individuals and communities together across the world to embrace love and be caring, not just on that particular day but throughout the whole year. There are innumerable ways in which you can honour in Global Love Day on a personal level that are sure to put a smile on someone’s face, but here are four simple yet wonderful ways that you can take part.

Hug It Out

Sometimes we all just need a good hug, and on Global Love Day, try to be a little more generous with your hugs than usual. You might not know that hugging helps to release the ‘bonding’ hormone oxytocin, which not only helps to increase feelings of love, trust and happiness, but has been proven to relieve pain and help wounds to heal faster – so make Global Love Day your reason to start sharing more cuddles.

Offer Some Kind Words

Actions may speak louder than words, but on Global Love Day, don’t forget to say some nice things too. Complement a co-worker on their great project, remind your partner how much they mean to you, call your parents for a chat or just tell your friend how great their outfit looks, and you’ll put a spring in their step that will last the whole day through. You can even share some lovely words with friends and family that aren’t close by thanks to personalised greeting cards from Hallmark which say what’s in your heart when you can’t be there to do it in person.

Give a Little Love
Whether you already give to your favourite charities, or have been looking for a reason to begin, donating in the name of Global Love Day couldn’t be more within the spirit of the occasion. You can make a private donation to the charity of your choice, or even better organise a fundraising event in your office or among your friends. Selling cupcakes or cookies, wearing costumes for the day or even setting up a small crafts stall are all easy ways to collect some cash for a worthwhile cause on Global Love Day.

Make a Meal of It
When was the last time that you spent time with your neighbours? Today’s busy lifestyles often mean that we don’t cross paths with our neighbours, and much less become friends with them, so take Global Love Day as a reason to change that. Invite your nearest neighbours over for a cuppa, or even dinner, and if you have any elderly neighbours that might not be able to make it over, deliver it to their door. It’s a tasty and thoughtful gesture that’s sure to get everyone talking.

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Five Things

2013-04-26T12:02:00.000+01:00

I've adopted a new life rule.

As I recover - s l o w l y - from pneumonia, I have had to learn to NOT do stuff. I physically have been unable to clean, tidy, cook or even stand for long periods. I have found it difficult to adjust to this temporary way of being. As I discover that I have a little more energy I have been pottering, doing little bits. This is where my new rule comes in.

I do five things.

I limit myself to doing things in fives.

If I see the huge pile of robot spare parts (that's empty boxes, yogurt pots and loo rolls, if you're over five years old), I pick up five things and put them in the recycling. That's it. Just five. Then I go and sit down.

If I'm in the lounge and see toy cars on the floor, I pick up five and put them in the car box. Just five. No more. Then I sit down.

If I see the boys' school uniform scattered where they left if, I pick up five things and put them in the laundry backet.

Each time I see mess I attack it five things at a time. Over a day I can make the house a little tidier. Breaking tasks down into achievable chunks is working for me right now. I can fit in bits and pieces while I'm waiting for the kettle to boil and I feel better for it.

As I get my strength back I'm going to stick to my five things approach. The thought of sorting out the toy mountain or tidying the spare room fill me with dread, but not if I tackle it five things at a time.

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Reading

2013-04-15T13:14:00.000+01:00

As I recover - ever so slowly - from pneumonia, I have to sit for long periods. I simply don't have the energy to do much else. Early on, when I first came out of hospital, I couldn't concentrate on anything. Flicking through social media was all I could manage. Now I can concentrate I've turned away from the laptop and have been doing a lot of reading. I wanted to share a few good books (not The Good Book) with you, because I'm kind like that.

All book images have been shamelessly nicked from the almighty Amazon.

I recently finished The Beginner's Goodbye by Anne Tyler. I have loved all of her novels, but this one has really got under my skin. She has again floored me with her ability to express thoughts and actions. That unconscious gesture you use to emphasise your own self-importance, for example? She sees it. Nothing escapes her.

I also enjoyed Let's Pretend This Never Happened by Jenny Lawson (The Bloggess). I liked this so much more than I thought I would. I didn't buy it. It was in the Mumsnet Blogfest goody bag. Jenny was a fantastic speaker there (via G+), but I've never been blown away by her blog. This memoir completely grabbed me and I laughed and cried my way through it.

I've happily made my way through all of the novels by Maggie O'Farrell. She is a stunning writer. The Hand That First Held Mine is an amazing piece of work. It made me exclaim out loud while I was reading it. I'm looking forward to reading her new novel, Instructions for a Heatwave.

I'm also making my way through Jojo Moyes' back catalogue. She is a talented storyteller. The Girl You Left Behind is enthralling. The Horse Dancer and The Last Letter From Your Lover are slow-burning and (not in a Mills and Boon way) romantic. If it's a wham-bam, in your face, awesome read you're after then pick up Me Before You. You won't be able to put it down. It makes me happy that she has been so prolific.

I also read Secrets by Freya North. Not my usual choice, but my mum gave it to me, her friend gave it to her... I read the first (pretty filthy) sex scene and cringed. MY MUM READ THIS and recommended it to me. I don't want to know that my mum read this filth and liked it. LA LA LA. Sorry, Freya, I'd rather have a cup of tea.

I enjoyed The Twilight Saga. There, I said it. Stephenie Meyer can tell a story. The Host is a page-turning body-snatching sci-fi yarn. Not my usual choice of novel, but I thought it was pretty good.

Finally, I'm currently reading Atonement by Ian McEwan. Shortlisted for the Booker Prize twelve years ago. Adapted into a successful film. Why hadn't I read this before? Of course I'm rectifying that now. It's an incredibly evocative piece of writing, full of brooding foreboding. I'm going to finish reading it before I publish this post to avoid spoilers. You wouldn't do that to me, would you? Then I am going to hit publish, before I read something else and have to tell you about it.

I get the jitters if my 'to read' pile is lower than a metre high. Currently in the pile: Khaled Hosseini, Kate Atkinson, Tim Atkinson, Rachael Lucas, Melanie Clegg, Helen McGinn, Marian Keyes and Helen Dunmore...

What have you read lately that you loved? Do let me know.

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Nitty Nora Head Explorer...

2013-04-09T14:12:00.000+01:00

...or everything you wanted to know about treating head lice but were afraid to google.

Are you scratching your head yet?

As a child I used to dread seeing the nit nurse at school. Luckily I never had nits, but I'm pretty squeamish about bugs and mini-beasts and have always been filled with horror at the thought of having something living in my hair.

My children started school in September. We've received the school's nit letter a couple of times and looked at the boys' heads, but didn't really know what to look for.

A couple of weeks ago I noticed Presley and Cash scratching their heads. I had a look in their hair and saw little creatures scurrying about. I said to Andy 'they've got nits' in a voice that was an octave higher than normal.

Action stations. Operation Louse was about to begin. At my command, unleash the conditioner...

I'd never dared to google head lice. I didn't want to see the magnified images. This meant I wasn't really sure what we were dealing with. After a bit of trial and error AND FINDING EGGS IN MY OWN HAIR - ON MOTHER'S DAY - thanks, kids, I now have the answers.

First, get yourself a Nit Kit

Nit Kit
Normal comb
Nitty Gritty NitFree Comb
Conditioner
Water
Zapinator (Boots Electronic Head Lice Comb)*

Operation Louse

Know your enemy
Head lice are dark brown insects that you can easily see scurrying around your child's head. They can not jump, but can crawl from head to head and this is how they are spread. They lay small brown eggs on the hair shaft, close to the scalp. One single louse can lay plenty of eggs. These eggs hatch after about a week and become head lice. The white or transparent nit is the empty egg that stays stuck to the hair.

Attack
The only way to get rid of head lice, eggs and nits is to painstakingly comb them out using a decent nit comb. We recommend the Nitty Gritty NitFree Comb (£10 from chemists and supermarkets). You can do the combing in the bath, but it takes a long time - particularly the first time - and your child may get cold. What we do is put a towel around our child's shoulders. Spray their hair with water (we use a plant mist spray). Cover their hair with a generous splodge of conditioner. Comb their hair with a normal comb first to remove any knots. Then use the nit comb. Comb the hair, section by section, ensuring the comb touches the scalp each time. After each comb through wipe the comb on a kitchen towel. You will easily see any lice, eggs or nits in the white conditioner. Keep doing this until you've got every single spec out. Add more conditioner if you need to. Rinse the remaining conditioner out when you've finished.

Defend
Every afternoon, after school, comb their hair with the Boots Electronic Head Lice Comb. We call it the Zapitnator. This will kill any live head lice, but will not remove eggs or nits. If they've picked up any new lousy companions this will get rid of them, but you will then need to repeat the attack phase to remove any eggs and nits.

You should repeat the attack phase every couple of days until their hair is completely clear - treat the whole family, not just the children. After that you should do a weekly check. This can easily be done by combing through conditioner after a hair wash. If EVERYONE did this we could wave goodbye to head lice. Sadly, not everyone is as vigilant as us. Thank goodness the Nitty Gritty comb has a lifetime guarantee.

There are shampoos and sprays available that claim to kill head lice and eggs or prevent them crawling onto your head. Anecdotal evidence suggests to me that they don't work. We haven't tried them, but you would still need to comb out the dead lice and nits anyway. We have managed without them.

For more nitty resources I recommend these posts from Mari's World and Actually Mummy.

* I received the Zapinator in a Cybermummy 2011 goody bag.

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Reasons to Love Living in Milton Keynes #7: Milton Keynes Museum

2013-04-06T15:30:00.001+01:00

Milton Keynes may be a new city* but it was made up of several existing Buckinghamshire towns and many villages and hamlets. Make no mistake, there is history here. There is plenty to fill a local museum. Milton Keynes encompasses a Roman Road (Watling Street), the Grand Union canal and a Victorian railway line.

The main exhibits in Milton Keynes Museum relate to farming, transport and life in Victorian and Edwardian times. There is also a fantastic new communication exhibit where all of the telephones are connected and in working order. There's even a police call box, but sadly it's not bigger on the inside.

Presley, 5, and Cash, 4, loved the Victorian school

They also enjoyed making some toast over an open fire with the enthusiastic museum guides

We all enjoyed exhibits we could touch

I was glad some things were behind glass

The museum is situated on a farm and the exhibits are in both the farm house and outbuildings. There is plenty of room for children to run around outside and the obligatory tea room and shop. We spent a happy half-day there and will be going back.

*Milton Keynes is not officially a city, but ~~MKers~~ ~~MKites~~ residents of MK call it a city. So there.

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Top 10 Car Cleaning Tips from Febreze

2013-04-06T15:22:00.000+01:00

Dear Sandy, Would you like Febreze to clean your car for free?

Dear PR, Yes.

Febreze, Febreze, Febreze, you bring back memoreze....

Another lifetime ago I went out a lot. I'd mostly go to the pub after work and stay there. When I got home I'd take my suit off, hang it up and spray it with Febreze. The next morning I'd have a Berocca and put my suit back on; all pub smells gone.

Nowadays I'm more likely to spray my coat if I've been cooking something pungent. My coat hangs in the hall. The hall is next to the kitchen. I should shut the kitchen door, but I don't. Hence a quick spray with Febreze. I also use it to freshen up cushions and curtains, but had never thought of using it in the car. It works on upholstery, so why not spray the seats?

Before the Febrezers turned up I quickly emptied my car. I took away one bag of rubbish and one bag of CD's. I was ashamed of the state of my car. It was dusty and muddy - that was just the interior. I was amazed when the Febrezers said that my car was one of the cleanest they'd seen. Quite frankly, the mind boggles.

Here are my before and after photographs:

Here are the photographs the PR took of the back seats. Before: oh the shame:

After: ah, that's better:

Thank you, Febrezers.

Here are top ten car cleaning tips from Febreze:

SPICK AND SPAN INTERIORS

1. Vigorously brush your carpets with a hard brush before vacuuming to ensure all dirt, dust and debris is removed.

2. Remove any sources of odour (e.g. litter, mud, dog hair) from the interior and spray the car seats with Febreze Fabric Refresher.

3. Clean the dashboard using a soft-bristle toothbrush with cleaning fluid in a circular motion to get into all the grooves.

4. Use a large soft paintbrush to dust the interior trim, around the steering wheel and clean the air vents.

5. Keep the air feeling fresh with a Febreze Car Air Freshener that will last up to 60 days and includes a fragrance intensity control for when you need an extra boost of freshness.

SHINY ON THE OUTSIDE

1. Always wait for your car to cool down before you wash it to avoid soapy smears and deposits.

2. Clean your car from the top down to avoid dirty water dripping on to the areas you have just cleaned.

3. Roll the windows down when you clean them so you can reach the top edges.

4. Avoid leaving your car to dry in the air as you risk smears – use a good microfibre cloth to dry off the excess moisture.

5. Remember to clean your wheels and tyres after you’ve washed the rest of your car using fresh cleaning solution – this is because dirt lodged in the wheels may contain small stones/debris picked up from the road that could damage the paintwork.

Disclosure: Febreze cleaned my car inside and out and left me a selection of Febreze products.

Playing Hooky

2013-04-02T11:04:00.000+01:00

Throughout my life I'd always maintained that wasn't crafty or artistic. I'm guessing this belief came from being told I was no good at art at school. At my middle school I'd spend hours on my art homework only to be told my drawing was poor. I'm showing my age now, but I wasn't put in for O-level art, I had to do the CSE. When you're young and impressionable and someone tells you something about yourself - true or otherwise - it sticks. You believe it and you tell yourself it's true. It then becomes self-perpetuating.

I broke out of this negative self-talk a few years ago when I decided to make my own wedding stationery. I made the invitations, table plan, favours and thank you cards. I think the push came from seeing the price of printed stationery and wanting to save money. I enjoyed the process and I still make all my own cards.

I've tried knitting, but it didn't grab me. I sew occasionally and half-heartedly, but now I think I've found my crafty calling...

Last year I taught myself to crochet.

It wasn't particularly easy, but now I've picked it up I can't put it down.

It's almost as if some pretty yarn has my name all over it...

I taught myself from books (Stitch by Stitch and Cute and Easy Crochet). I also took advice from friends (thank you, Mummy Limited, Lindy and Kelly). It all finally clicked though when I watched the super simple and straightforward tutorial videos on Red Ted Art.

Now I have the confidence to attempt anything. I can't explain how overjoyed I was to complete my first granny square.

My favourite patterns and tutorials are on the beautiful Attic 24 blog.

I've mostly worked on small projects for the boys. Each of their teddies needs its own blanket, so I've been able to attempt different stitches and techniques. These small projects are perfect for an evening of crochet.

My current project is a little larger. I'm working on an enormous granny blanket. It's a simple (Attic 24, of course) design of treble clusters. This is my sampler.

I've only completed eighteen (very long) rows of the big one so far. It may be some time before I finish it as I am easily distracted by smaller projects, like these sunflowers that I made in memory of a dear friend.

I'm loving the warmth, calm and softness of just sitting and hooking.

I'm enjoying being arty and crafty. I can do it. This makes me happy.

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Happy Easter

2013-03-31T09:11:00.000+01:00

I love the Easter cards the boys made at school this week. Such a simple design and loads of fun for them to decorate.

We don't really celebrate Easter, although the 'Easter Bunny' did leave chocolate eggs in the garden for the boys.

We went on a very chilly egg hunt this morning.

Last Easter we were at my in-laws - look, no coats.

This weekend I've been mostly looking forward to the clocks changing and having more light in our lives. There must surely be some warmer weather on the way too. Winter has dragged on for so long and I am sick of living in the same three jumpers - especially the one with the cowl neck that I always spill food on.

Happy Easter, friends.

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My Trip to the Pampers R&D Centre in Frankfurt

2013-03-30T12:48:00.001Z

In February I was taken on a flying visit to the Pampers R&D Centre at Schwalbach, Frankfurt.

It was great to spend some time with my long-time blogging buddies Amy and Karin, as well as other bloggers, journalists and the Pampers PR team from Hill & Knowlton.

We were given a disposable nappy history lesson and a tour of the huge facility, by the head of R&D, Dr Frank, and Ioannis from P&G Baby Care.

My children are well out of nappies, but I found this trip fascinating. I loved the 'science bit'. We watched blue liquid being poured down a tube and onto a couple of nappies. The recently launched new Pampers Baby Dry nappy soaks up the liquid at an impressive rate. Researchers had found that when babies are sleeping on their backs and then pee, they can wake up and struggle to get back to sleep if they feel wet. The new Extra Sleep Layer enables more liquid to be absorbed, faster than before.

It can take up to ten years to develop a new nappy. I know, ten long years. It is painstaking, careful work. I was surprised how much Pampers care about producing a quality product. Families in Frankfurt are supplied with free nappies and give Pampers regular feedback. Every morning sixty babies are brought into the facility, still in their overnight nappies, to have their skin moisture tested. There is also a play room, where babies' movement is observed and again moisture readings are taken.

This little boy was a real cutie pie

One thing that I found fascinating was discovering that the gel crystals, that absorb the liquid in the nappy's core, are harmless. On the odd occasion that one of my children had a truly sodden nappy and some of the gel escaped I used to worry that they were getting harmful chemicals on their skin. Dr Frank was genuinely upset that this had happened - it's not supposed to - but I did explain that this had happened to a bouncing three year old over night. Still, it was reassuring to know that these crystals are similar to those used to bulk out diet foods (not so reassuring if you eats those diet foods I guess), but still, harmless.

You can see a little of what we saw on this video. See if you can spot the sensory rooms where you can experience what the world looks like from a baby's eye view. We all enjoyed ourselves in those.

Another highlight of the trip was meeting (deep breath) Pampers Village Parenting Panel Sleep Expert, Wendy Dean.

Wendy answered all our sleep questions. I wanted to know whether you should wake child when they're having a nightmare or night terrors. Wendy's answer was no, leave them, as they will probably not remember by the morning. If they wake up, however, obviously go to them and comfort them.

I also asked whether you should ever wake a sleeping baby. I always used to wake mine from their afternoon naps so that they would go to sleep at bedtime. A routine suited me. Wendy agreed with my approach. Looking back now, I can see that I was pretty inflexible. I would never go anywhere at nap time, unless my child would be able to sleep at their usual time. Having said that, from when both boys were about six weeks old Andy and I had our evenings to ourselves.

This led to me asking about long-established routines. My children (aged 5 and 4) still go to bed at 7pm and usually wake up at 6am. I'd love them to sleep until 7am. Or rather, I'd love to sleep until 7am. Wendy thought they were getting enough sleep and so suggested a later bedtime. She did warn that it could take a month for a new routine to establish itself. I may wait until the summer holidays to try this as Presley and Cash may be too tired if they're at school every day.

Here is Wendy answering a few of the most common baby sleep questions.

Disclosure: All travel, food (including one of the best steaks I have ever eaten, at the Radisson Blu hotel in Frankfurt) and accommodation expenses on this trip were paid for by Pampers. Thank you to Pampers and Hill & Knowlton for looking after us so well.

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Rest

2013-03-20T12:17:00.000Z

Imagine if this was your day...

8am - You are gently woken by your husband. He makes you breakfast before taking the children to school. You sit at the kitchen table with your laptop, crochet, books, magazines and DVDs to hand.

9am - Your husband comes home from the school run, makes you another cup of tea and fills your glass with water before he starts work. He works from home and is in his office should you need him.

10am - Your husband makes sure you have everything you need. He passes you a banana to save you going to the fruit bowl. You think about having a shower.

11am - You shower and dress, taking your time. Afterwards you go back to the kitchen table.

12pm - Your husband makes you a cup of tea, before asking what you would like for lunch. He pops to the supermarket. You rest your head on your hands.

1pm - Your mum arrives. She asks if you need anything before starting on the housework. You explain exactly how you want the laundry done.

2pm - Your mum makes you a cup of tea, fills your water glass and then starts preparing the evening meal.

3pm - Your mum collects the children from school. You listen to them read for a little while. Your mum plays with them in the other room.

4pm - Your mum cooks. You explain exactly how you like your fish cooked, which wooden spoon for the sauce, how much pasta to put in the pan.

5pm - You eat while your mum loads the dishwasher and washes the pans.

6pm - Your husband baths the children. You sit and watch. He reads them a bedtime story. You sit and watch. Your children gently hug you goodnight. You kiss their heads.

7pm - Your husband makes you a cup of tea and makes sure you're comfortable. He spends the evening with you. You try to concentrate on a film.

8pm - You start to think about going to bed.

9pm - Your husband refreshes your water while you sort out your medication.

10pm - You go to bed.

Does that sound like fun to you? I mean, who wouldn't like to be waited on hand and foot? Me, that's who. It's horrendous. I've been out of hospital for nearly three weeks and this has been my life.

I always thought I was a stereotypical fatandlazy person, but now I realise that I hardly ever sat in one place for long. I was always doing at least three things at once. I never left a room, or walked up the stairs, empty handed. I was always busy. I rarely sat and watched television. I did everything at top speed.

On my discharge from hospital, after being treated for pneumonia, all the consultant said to me was 'You can go home now. Rest'. That was it.

Rest.

I haven't sat at the kitchen table day in day out for weeks because I like to do as I'm told, or because I'm fatandlazy, but because I physically can not do anything else. I have no energy. It is difficult to describe exactly how that feels. You're not out of breath. You're not yawning. You just have to sit down. You have to rest.

The first week out of hospital I sat and willed myself to stay alive. That sounds dramatic, but I felt at death's door half the time. Last week I progressed to being able to make my own cups of tea, but had to sit down - exhausted - afterwards. This week I have forced myself to eat more in an attempt to generate some energy and it is working. I've read the children's bedtime stories, I've folded a bit of washing and I've chopped a bit of salad. After each tiny burst of activity I go back to my seat and sit for an hour, but I am improving.

I had no idea that recovery from pneumonia could be so slow, but I understand now that it could take 4-6 months before I'm back to normal. That's a awful lot of rest. I wish I could concentrate on my laptop, crochet, books, magazines and DVDs. Most of the time I just sit and rest.

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Morphine for Breakfast

2013-03-11T14:41:00.000Z

Pain is a strange thing. Once it's gone you can't remember it, although you know it was unbearable at the time. If I'm in pain now, I always compare it with the pain of being in labour. Is it worse than being in labour? It can't be. Surely labour pain set the bar at an all time high? The pain of pneumonia and pleurisy was pretty awful. Added to this I was holding so much tension in my shoulders that I had muscle spasms. I certainly couldn't sleep because of the pain.

In hospital I was given morphine in A&E, but once on the ward I must have been marked down as only give pain relief if required. With hindsight this was a mistake. Pretty soon I needed all the pain killers, one after another, until I was left sitting in bed just blinking. The pain was still there, but I was so out of it I had drifted away and been replaced by Zombie Sandy. I'd stopped screaming and crying anyway.

I saw doctors and an amazing physio. The physio reminded me to how to breathe using my diaphragm - not my shoulders. I was given regular pain killers and the option of morphine at night, when the pain was unmanageable. I took it. The early hours of the morning were worst.

After five days in hospital my blood test results showed an improvement in the sepsis and pneumonia. During the day I was fairly mobile, once I'd come round. The doctors dangled the carrot of going home, but only if I could manage without morphine. I was desperate to see my children. Then I remembered a pain management technique I had been taught. Mind over matter was worth a try.

This was the point I contacted Dawn from Think It Change It. I was her guinea pig when she was training to become a Cognitive Hypnotherapist last year. I asked for a reminder of the technique that she had taught me to help with my slipped disc. She dropped what she was doing and rang me. I spent the rest of the day practising. I repeated this mantra and used it throughout the night:
My muscles are completely relaxed. My back and my shoulder are as comfortably numb as my leg.
Mumbo jumbo you may say, but it got me through the night. It wasn't easy, but I managed the pain without morphine. I slept for three hours too. In the morning I was able to text Andy "Fruit & Fibre for breakfast" and he knew I would be coming home that day.

I can't thank Dawn, or recommend her services, highly enough. She has also helped me to remove the mental barriers that were preventing me from losing weight. At some point I'll do a ta daa post, as I am a fair bit smaller than I was last year. Dawn works from her therapy room in Dundee, but also offers downloads and online support. Check out her website to see if she can help you with phobias, pain, weight, smoking and more. She has also written a book about her personal transformation, again details are on her website. I'm proud to call her my friend.

I Didn't Say Goodbye

2013-03-08T11:03:00.000Z

The last couple of weeks have been a bit difficult.

I am trying not to dwell on how seriously ill I was, but I am struggling to process my thoughts. I went from thinking I had flu, to collapsing and going to A&E via ambulance. I then spent a further five days in hospital, in quite a bad way. I've been home since Saturday and am still pretty poorly.

I guess I am in shock that my life, and that of my family, could change so quickly.

I'm only 43. I had pneumonia, sepsis and pleurisy. My blood pressure dropped to below 60/30. I had hallucinations. I cried with pain, then was in too much pain to cry. I was given morphine every day in hospital. I still haven't slept properly. I've had consultants leaning over me telling me I'm seriously ill. One A&E doctor got very excited over my blood test results and chest x-ray - she'd never seen anything like them. It's all been rather surreal.

I've watched my mum worry that she was going to lose another child. I've watched my husband age. I've put on a brave face and smiled at my boys. I held on tight to them when I got home.

The worst part was realising that I hadn't said goodbye to my children. I was quite out of it as I left the house with the paramedics, but I thought if I didn't say goodbye then I would have to come back to them. Later, when I felt worse, I panicked. My babies could be left without a mummy and I hadn't said goodbye, or told them I loved them. I hadn't written them letters, kissed them or held their hands. I couldn't remember what they looked like.

Now I am home. I think I'm out of the woods, but I'm not certain. We have a great deal of support from family, friends and neighbours. When people have offered help, they've meant it. The NHS have been excellent, I was surprised by the high standard of care at Milton Keynes hospital - from staff at all levels. I've even had a home visit from my GP.

My four year old, Cash, said he'd put a wish on the wishing tree at school. He said he wished his mummy would get better. I'm doing my best, darling boy.

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What is the point of... Valentine's Day?

2013-02-14T06:50:00.002Z

It's time for a new feature here on Baby Baby.

Let me introduce to you to 'What is the point of...?'

I have a massive list of things I can't see the point of, starting with today, Valentine's Day.

When I was at school, the run up to Valentine's Day was exciting. I'd spend ages making a card for the object of my affection. Doilies cut into heart shapes featured heavily. I'd hide my initials somewhere in the design, just in case the lucky recipient was determined to find out who his secret admirer was.

On the day I'd slip the card onto his desk or into his bag. Then I'd wait. One year my target was a boy called Rodney (note to self: Facebook him, see if he's still alive/gorgeous). He blushed when he opened the card, then put it in the bin. The swine.

I'd wait all day for someone - anyone - to give me a card. They never did. I'd rush home and oh-so-casually ask if there had been any post for me. There never was. The first time I received a Valentine was when I actually had a boyfriend on 14th February, I was 14. I made him the full lace doily card complete with declarations of love. His card contained a rude joke and a question mark. We split up soon afterwards.

As an adult I've seen Valentine's Day grow into a commercial event. Restaurants charge inflated prices while old married couples sit in silence, occasionally tutting at the service. Flowers, chocolates and cards are there to be bought. I once received two dozen red roses at work. Yes they were stunning, but my boyfriend at the time was massively in debt and couldn't afford them. I'd rather he saved his cash, but I guess you're either a saver or a spender.

Andy and I have bought small gifts for one another. I made him a card, no doilies this time, but it feels like we're going through the motions. We're in love, but we don't need to spend an arm and a leg to prove it.

I'd happily say goodbye to Valentine's Day - Pinterest wouldn't drown under a sea of hearts for a start.

Valentine's Day doesn't do anything for me and I can't see the point of it. What about you?

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Win a Personalised Bar of Cadbury Dairy Milk from Joyville Made

2013-02-12T11:59:00.002Z

*** This giveaway is now CLOSED ***

Sometimes you open a package so awesome you can't stop grinning. This is what happened to me when I opened a delivery from Joyville Made and found this bar of Cadbury Dairy Milk WITH MY NAME ON IT.

If you'd like the chance to open your post and grin like the Cheshire Cat, read on.

Joyville Made are giving away three free personalised bars of Cadbury Dairy Milk to Baby Baby readers.

To be in with a chance of winning all you need to do is leave one comment (per household) on this blog post telling me what you would choose to have written on your chocolate bar. Leave your email address or Twitter ID in your comment so I can contact you if you win.

The draw will close on Monday 18th February (cough - my birthday - cough) at 8pm. I will select the winners at random the following day.

These personalised chocolate bars would make a perfect birthday gift (cough - 18th Feb - cough) or Mother's Day, Father's Day, Easter, random Wednesday or 'your blog is fabulous' present. Just saying.

Good luck!

25 Years of Comic Relief

2013-02-05T13:37:00.000Z

This is me (and my best mate, R) 25 years ago today.

Dear Diary...

5th February 1988
COMIC RELIEF DAY. It's finally here!!! All the 6th form came in fancy dress today (apart from Adam the STIFF). We went to the hall and all had our picture taken together. I hope it comes out. Kath looked really stupid dressed up as a pea pod. The rest of us looked cool though. I was Cinderella and R was a nun. Kitty was Prince Charming so we stood together a lot. We all got our fancy dress costumes from Ooh Fancy. We're going to take them back tomorrow on the bus. £9 is a lot of money for one day, but it was worth it. We had a brilliant day. I can't wait to watch the show tonight. R is coming over with a bottle of Liebfraumilch. I'm going to video all the comedy sketches.

6th February 1988
I feel like a stupid idiot. R and I cried when we saw the films from Africa last night. We should have all given £10 each to Comic Relief instead of getting those fancy dress costumes and only putting £1 in the bucket. The sketches were funny though. The Young Ones were B-R-I-L-L-I-A-N-T.

***

I can't quite believe that was 25 years ago.

Back then I believed that the world's problems could be solved by occasionally giving to charities like Live Aid and Comic Relief. This didn't happen, but not through lack of trying. I'm now appalled that the 'haves' don't give the 'have-nots' enough. There is still poverty, war, hunger and disease BUT the money raised by charities like Comic Relief does help.

Today my fellow bloggers, #TeamHonk (Annie, Penny and T), are in Ghana with Jonathan Ross, Davina McCall, Jane Garvey and Comic Relief. They are visiting projects funded by Comic Relief. It's not often you get to see where and how your money is spent, but already they have reported back from bakeries, schools and clinics.

I am eagerly awaiting my digital postcard from #TeamHonk and I'll share it with you when it arrives.

Why Plan Meals?

2013-01-16T10:15:00.000Z

Over the last couple of months I've finally started meal planning. Now it's a habit, I can't imagine not doing it.

I usually write my meal plan and shopping list on a Thursday and go to the supermarket on a Friday. I check what's in the fridge and plan to use it up. I used to go to the supermarket at least every other day looking for meal inspiration. No more. I rarely throw any food away. We eat a more varied diet, we eat more healthily. I always cook from scratch and having a meal plan means I am super organised, preparing meals during the day when I can. We never run out of anything. I can plan for busy days and get the slow cooker out and on in the morning. I haven't checked, but I'm pretty sure our food bills are lower. If I shop online (when Ocado send me a voucher) I can take advantage of all the special offers. We also have far fewer takeaways.

I'm a meal planning convert. Read this top tip post from Mrs M if you're still not convinced.

Want to know what's on our meal plan for this week? Of course you do.

Wed - steak pie, new potatoes, sprouts, broccoli
Thu - fish cakes, rice, leek and cauliflower cheese
Fri - meatballs, tomato and vegetable pasta
Sat - roast (whatever's on offer), roast potatoes, carrots, swede, sprouts
Sun - stir fry vegetables, noodles, prawns
Mon - fish pie, peas
Tue - cottage pie, carrots, peas, sweetcorn

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New Series on CBeebies

2013-01-14T12:55:00.001Z

On Saturday we were invited by the BBC to see previews of two new series on CBeebies.

Nina returns in Nina and the Neurons Go Engineering. This series is all about engineering, so we will find out how hovercrafts, cranes and planes work. What I love about Nina is that she is a woman presenting a science programme.

Not all science on CBeebies is so obvious, but if you watch the Octonauts, for example, you will know more about marine biology than you thought.

What's great about Nina is that the experiments the children do are easy to replicate at home. The episode we saw explained how aeroplanes fly. I may be an accountant, but my education prior to that career choice was arts focused. I know very little science and even less about engineering. I can report that I now understand how aeroplanes fly. Thank you, Nina and CBeebies.

Nina and the Neurons Go Engineering starts today on CBeebies at 4.30pm. For more information check out CBeebies Grown-ups.

Mr Bloom himself introduced his new series of Mr Bloom's Nursery - Get Set Grow.

This new series takes Mr Bloom and the Veggies out on the road, following the trend set by Mr Maker and I Can Cook. There are enough familiar segments of the show to keep fans of the allotment series happy, but there are also new songs and locations to keep it fresh.

In the episode we saw Mr Bloom takes Colin the ~~irritating~~ runner bean to an enormous greenhouse, growing peppers. It was a bit like Auntie Mabel and Pippin visiting a toothbrush factory, but a little more up to date...

I like Mr Bloom's Nursery as it's a gentle introduction to gardening and food provenance.

Mr Bloom's Nursery - Get Set Grow starts in the spring.

Here are my children meeting Mr Bloom, played by Ben Faulks.

Another change for CBeebies is that you can no longer find its content on other BBC channels. CBeebies is on channel 71 on Freeview and is also available on the iPlayer.

Exclusive: we also met the new link presenter (and eventual replacement for Sid Sloane). She moves into the CBeebies house this weekend, so look out for a friendly new face on your screens.

Disclosure: we were given coffee, pastries and fruit at the BBC - thank you license payers. We paid for our own travel to this press event.

A Pineapple Yogurt, Please

2013-01-11T13:23:00.000Z

I'm standing on my bed looking out of the window. The curtain behind me is damp where I used it to wipe the condensation from the glass. After about ten minutes - an absolute age - I see the milkman turn into the close. I run downstairs and let myself out of the back door.

We are the only two people awake and working at this time of day. I help Mr James deliver milk to the whole close. He doesn't say much, in fact I don't actually remembering him agreeing to my helping him. He looks like my Grandad, in his tweed suit and pork pie hat. He comes to collect his money on a Friday. If my mum changed her order for the next week he said 'Right-ho', just like they do in the Mr. Men books.

I am in awe of the neighbours who treat themselves to gold top. My dad says skimmed milk is just water. I can't understand why anyone has it delivered, but Mrs Ford does. Just one pint. Mr Ford left her for his bit on the side. Her daughter is at university, studying economics. Mum says I can study economics O Level one day. Mrs Ford has her hair done by Vinnie, where my mum goes. I pass Vinnie the yellow and red perm rollers and the thin papers. He asks me if I'd like to be a hairdresser. He says when I'm a bit older I can have a Saturday job, sweeping up.

Some customers are better than others at cleaning their empty bottles. By the end of the close all I can smell is sour milk. Mr James pays me with a yogurt. I can chose any flavour I like. We only have strawberry flavour Ski at home, so I always choose the exotic pineapple flavour and eat it when I get home. I lick the lid last. We keep the empty pots and grow cress in them.

***

I thought of Mr James this morning, as I always do when I eat a pineapple flavour yogurt, and smiled at the memory of a kind gentleman humouring a little girl each Saturday.

I'm Nuts About the Sales

2013-01-11T13:09:00.000Z

If you'd been wondering where I'd been hiding since Christmas and you guessed 'at the sales', you'd be spot on.

I've been to (sing along with me if you ever listened to Chiltern Radio) Central Milton Keynes Shopping Centre, shopping with style, but I much prefer sitting at home with a cup of coffee searching the sales online.

One of my favourite sales is at the Dot Com Gift Shop. There are currently 42 pages of bargains. You can filter by category and price band, but you can't sort items by price low to high (sort it out, DCGS). It is worth looking at everything in the sale because they have some amazing bargains.

Last year I bought everything I needed for the contents of the boys' birthday party bags, including tubs of 36 pencils, erasers, pencil sharpeners and jigsaw puzzles for £1.29 per child.

This year I've bought a stash of Spaceboy multi 10 colour pens for 29p each. I've also bought a couple of large recycled storage bags for £2.95 each. These are perfect for storing toys or clothes.

Another use for my new storage bags will be holding onto stock for the 2013 PTA Christmas Shop. I've bought frisbees for £1.00 each and umbrellas reduced from £12.95 to just £1.29.

Of course I waited until my sales order had been delivered before telling you lot about it, but don't worry, I've left you some goodies.

Disclosure: I am a Dot Com Gift Shop blogger and have been offered a mystery gift for mentioning the sale. My enthusiastic gushing about the bargains available is genuine though.