Hurty Elbow

I Used To Be Younger

2009-12-16T18:08:53-06:00

Hey, hello, hi, howdy! Have you ever been younger than you are right now? You have?! You should check out and submit some pictures to this awesome site.

It's my latest project (the best one by far) and it's called "I Used To Be Younger." It features candid snapshots of people now and when they were younger.

If you've ever been younger before, you'll love it.

I Used To Be Younger

Four Years of Hurt

2009-06-12T13:18:41-05:00

Hurty Elbow began as a small joke web log in 2005. It grew into a fairly successful comedy site and drew traffic from Gawker Media, Boing Boing, and Buzzfeed, but links have slowed. After an animated series, comics, elbow trivia, ugly animals, Back to the Future, half beards, drunk astronauts, Presidential Losers, and Mona Lisa on Redbook; I'm out of ideas.

Hurty Elbow needs a reboot. I'm taking time off to rethink the site. Thanks to everyone who's ever contributed, commented, or read my work over the past four long years.

Joe Avella's Wheelchair Werewolf

2009-05-01T12:46:01-05:00

The trailer for the as yet, un-produced horror flick Wheelchair Werewolf is brought to you by Chicago comedy creator Joe Avella*. "Joe Avella is an independent filmmaker, actor, writer, improviser, and sketch comedian."

"Action City Bathroom is a nonstop-action-crime-thriller that takes place completely in a bathroom."

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Joe frequently performs with Tim Racine as the comedy duo Teenager of the Year whose short film Scatterbrained was screened at SXSW. Avella's other work includes, Le Arthouse Theatre (classic films re-imagined with way more blood) and guest-starring work with seasoned improv performer Neil Arsenty on the MWTSS (Midwest Teen Sex Show).

Joe Avella on:

Tim Racine on:

Neil Arsenty on:

*Mr. Avella declined to be interviewed by fax machine.

Stop sharing EVERYTHING.

2009-04-20T15:11:39-05:00

The internet is trivial. A barrage of constant updates intended to entertain, educate, and provoke. Instead we're buried under massive amounts of data. We're not that interesting.

Great stories are about the most important day of a character's life. It is the day he/she changes. Amazing things happen and nothing will ever be the same. It isn't everyday life. Everyday life is boring.

Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, etc. encourage meaningless real-time sharing about everyday life and mundane things. The more narcissistic noise we share, the more difficult it is to hear anything important

Great films take years. Twitter take seconds. Which do you prefer?

Instead of uploading a picture of every piece of food you've ever eaten, only upload the meal that gave you food poisoning? I'd like to see that.

Stop sharing everything. Be selective. Stop steering people to the same sights & sounds as Digg and Reddit. Start creating.

Since last Fall, I've been trying to share the most fascinating thing I could curate or create that week. It's time consuming with barely any return on investment. Traffic is in the dumpster, subscribers are down, and every day I think about closing up shop, but in my opinion the site has never been more entertaining. What do you think?

Submarine Style Baseball Pitchers

2009-04-16T11:57:04-05:00

Most pitchers bring the heat overhand, but some athletes are forced to get creative. Chad Bradford has been an MLB pitcher for over a decade. His unusual approach to pitching was suggested by his former high school coach/minister. Bradford was never a superior athlete, but he found a niche to exploit. A sidearm technique that evolved into an underhand delivery. His knuckles practically scrape the ground with every pitch. It looks like he's bowling.

The effectiveness of this approach is measured by the batter's hesitance. Submarine pitchers barely break 85mph on a fastball, but their unorthodox style creates an uneasiness. Batters can't look for the same visual cues to identify pitches. If a traditional pitcher slows up right before the release, chances are a change up is en route. With submarine pitchers these subliminal hints are non-existent. A batter's thoughts become, "I'm going to get pegged in the shin!"

Chad Bradford's technique throws off the competition and defies elbow anatomy.

Minor league pitcher Josh Papelbon.

Instead of a top-down approach, the ball rises to greet them or breaks suddenly. This unusual trajectory forces hitters into ground balls that are easy for the defense to scoop up. Grounders, of course were more difficult in the 1800's before players used gloves.

Shunsuke Watanabe uses a similar style in the Japanese Leagues. To reduce knee injuries, Watanabe uses a custom pad in his right pant leg.

Shunsuke Watanabe lays out a pitch.

One disadvantage to submarine style pitching is the strain it puts on the back. Pitchers can tire out easily and perhaps end up with hurty elbows.

Another angle of Josh Papelbon's pitching style.

Additionally:

Pitchers of Note:

Hedge Fund Productions

2009-04-09T14:12:18-05:00

A hedge fund blesses souls with obscene wealth. It spoils them with lavish cheese spreads, underwater yachts, and replacement hair made of pure silk. The Brooklyn apartment based Claude S. Dutchy, LLC hedge fund is something entirely different. Their unique approach to hedge funding is chronicled by a mysterious documentary crew (one that's not afraid to follow them into the bathroom). Each 5 min. episode of Hedge Fund chronicles the scrappy upstart firm's rocket rise to the top of the hedge fund stratosphere. Check it out.

"There's nothing more healthy than laughing at being so damn broke in our current state of affairs!" - Tyler Evans (Producer/Actor)

Unpossible Uses for Twitter

2009-04-02T16:46:58-05:00

You broadcast your every move to the world on Twitter, but to avoid embarrassment you probably purchase family planning at the self checkout. Twitter tells the world what you're doing, but it can't do these:

Killer Murdering Sharks Attack School

2009-03-24T18:22:27-05:00

A large pack of killer deadly murdering sharks were caught attacking a school of baitfish off Gold Coast beaches in Australia. Swimming with dolphins sounds delightful; swimming with baitfish looks like an awful idea. If you're still contemplating taking a dip, shark feeding frenzies like this happen every year around March. Hope to see you there.

Arby's Roastburgers Aren't Burgers

2009-03-12T15:29:01-05:00

Arby's Roastburgers are misleading. The tagline is "Never fried. Never greasy. It's the burger done better." Only it's not a burger. It can't do anything burger-related better, because it's the same gray/brown roast beef as always, only now it's on a roll with bacon, cheese, lettuce, tomato and onion.

Is it really wise to imply your product is a hamburger, when clearly it isn't? People going to Arby's are already confused. Burgers should have a consistency of something "ground up". Be it tofu, turkey, or beef. A roasted hamburger sounds really interesting. Gray matter shavings marketed as a burger do not.

Clever Gifts for Strange Shoppers

2009-03-10T18:50:36-05:00

The economy in the U.S. is doing poorly, so if possible, make sure to buy overseas.

Cassette tape shaped tape dispenser.

Frozen Smiles. Ice cube trays in the shape of dentures.

Suggestive Keyholders for your wall. Inappropriate for your underpants.

Air Fork One. Good for mashed potatoes; horrible for soup.

Undress Me Mugs. Drink it up; take it off. NSFW.

Mittens for Smokers. Smoking can be a fire hazard, but if you're wearing mittens you can't get burned. Right?

Who Tall Am I Mirror. Compare your height with celebrities.

Bacon Bandages. Great for injuries deep in the woods.

Condiment Gun. I'm surprised BK hasn't combined one with their Western Whopper.

Hand Candle Holder. Never burn your hand at a candlelight vigil again.

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