Recently Bossy went to a Skincare Specialist, which is not the same as a Dermatologist, because Bossy did that too.

The difference is: one has built a career attending to all of the latest clinical techniques and procedures associated with elasticity, longevity, and rejuvenation — and one is a skin doctor.

Bossy’s skin has never given her much trouble, but as she ages — and this is strange — her skin gets old. And so Bossy was looking for advice regarding the most effective management routine given her limited resources.

After analyzing Bossy’s skin along with her concerns, Bossy’s Skincare Specialist advised Bossy she would most benefit from an IPL procedure, which stands for Intense Pulsed Light.

According to Bossy’s Skincare Specialist, during our lives we accrue sun damage — and other damage such as living — which hides under the skin and comes out at will.

This means you could have spent the last twenty years diligently applying sunblock to your face, but sun damage will still appear from that time twenty years and one day ago.

Enter IPL. From what Bossy can remember — which isn’t much because years of sunblock choked Bossy’s power of recall — the Intense Pulsed Light drives into the skin, bringing age spots, broken capillaries, and other dormant discoloration to the surface of the skin where it is later released.

Bossy admits she’s probably missing the fine points regarding this procedure, because Bossy was too busy with the big point, which is: she can’t afford it.

Bossy takes solace in the fact there are probably worse things than age spots lurking under her skin, keeping her company. Aww!

If you enjoyed this post, read this about how we’re doing our skincare all wrong.

Or try this post about the maddening avalanche of skin products that have different names but accomplish the same thing.

This is Bossy dancing down yet another Soul Train Line at a blog conference in Chicago five years ago.

When Bossy was a girl she never missed an episode of Soul Train, a music variety show featuring R&B, soul, funk, disco, gospel, dunk, fosgel, and risco.

The series was created in 1971 by its first host and executive producer, Don Cornelius.

It wasn’t so much the fashion Bossy tuned in to see, or even the first glimpse of unknown artists who would later become huge. Plain and simple, Bossy watched Soul Train because she loved the Soul Train line.

For those who aren’t familiar with a Soul Train Line because your solar capsule just landed on Neptune — or you are pleasingly younger than Bossy — dancers divide into two columns facing each other and those at the top of the columns take turns dancing down the center:

Sometimes you dance down the lane alone, or sometimes you dance with a partner, but the idea is to bring your game.

Don Cornelius passed away last week from an apparent suicide. Bossy regrets she never had the chance to thank him for bringing the Soul Train Line into her life.

Bossy is pleased to report she still regularly attends parties that aren’t considered complete until the candle wax forms stalagmites on the table, and everyone has done their thing down the center of two columns of grooviness.

This is the sink in the break room at Bossy’s office after, oh, twenty minutes. Caffeine drives the economy.

When Bossy was a girl she was told you could never look in the direction of anyone welding because your eyes would burn.

So basically Bossy spent her childhood navigating a cityscape of blowtorches, terrified even the smallest amount of peeking would result in the riotous downfall of civilization. Or Bossy’s retina in flames, whichever came first.

But then Bossy saw this:

And Bossy began to think along the lines of: If Jennifer Beals can dominate a blowtorch maybe Bossy could sneak a very small look.

Also in Bossy’s childhood, she was told if she stared at a full moon on a particularly clear night, she would fall into a trance that would deliver her unaware to the tip of a rocky ocean jetty.

For those keeping track at home, Blowtorches and full moons. Two things you’ll never catch Bossy admiring.

What are your childhood fears, real and unfounded? Do it in Ten Words, if you want. Bossy misses that!

You know how some people have that strain of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder where they think they unwittingly killed someone with their car so they keep driving back to check?

Well it’s just like that with Bossy, except in her case it’s an obsessive compulsive need to figure out who everyone looks like, which she then shouts to the room at large. Never does this disease rage more out of control than when Bossy is watching TV.

Take Downton Abbey. Please. This PBS miniseries shall serve as an example of what it’s like to sit down in front of a television with Bossy watching the privileged, haughty, manor house elite and the family they serve.

Shall we?

Most of the time the lookalikes are fairly easy to identify:

But sometimes the lookalike takes Bossy a while to figure out, and in the meantime she loses the plot thread, along with her mind:

Sometimes Bossy references people no one knows:

And occasionally the lookalike requires more than an acceptable amount of imagination and faith:

The Volvo C30. Bossy gets crushes on cars, and this little darling is no exception.

Bossy likes to waste lots of time better spent doing anything else going to the Volvo website and building her own car, from color through upholstery. And about color, one must keep an open mind about which colors best bring out the car’s features, since often times you’ll find yourself liking a color you never expected because that happens to be the color that best advances the car’s intrinsic lines.

Such is the case with the above white, which highlights the Volvo’s rear lights as well as its front grill. This, though, the black, is always a Bossy favorite.

And no, Bossy isn’t getting a new car.

The sunsets in Bossy’s neighborhood have that deep winter going into spring feel.

Mr. Speaker, Mr. Vice President, members of congress, distinguished guests, and fellow Americans: As most of you are aware, Bossy became separated from her husband last year, and tonight which is actually day, Bossy would like to give you a full update on all aspects of her Undivorce.

• Restoring the Economy. Bossy is happy to report she is now the recipient of an actual income surrounded by money wrapped around bundles of cash. This is because Bossy got a real job, which led to greater productivity, where greater productivity equals napping in the evenings.
• The Housing Crisis. It came to a merciful end when Bossy located an apartment one block from her family home.This triumph over a depressed economy was made possible due to Bossy’s Unemployment to Reemployment initiative.
• The House Stands Divided. Bossy and her Unhusband successfully divvied up household items, such as pots and pans and cutlery and glasses and utensils and cooking tools and bed linens and towels and photos and appliances and paintings and rugs and furniture and sister mercy electronics.



• Increased Spending. Yeah, the rising costs include paying for new things after the old, divvied up things seemed shabby in Bossy’s cute apartment.
• New Bills. Bossy has plenty of them. Electric bills and cable bills and gas bills and food bills. Send Bossy an economic reform bill that abolishes bills and she will sign it tomorrow!



• Climate change. Up went Bossy’s thermostat when home, and down went Bossy’s thermostat when not home, until Bossy was told it costs less to maintain at an even temperature. Speaking of the environment, Bossy is committed to clean energy, where clean energy equals the energy to clean.
• Economic Reform. Bossy is committed to insourcing and stable trade enforcement, which means Bossy will cook for you if you’ll return the chore in kind. Bossy is also in favor of the free market, because gosh darn Bossy’s local market is on the pricey side. Bossy also believes in nation building, where nation building equals those two kitchen stools purchased online that are yet to be assembled.And here at home Bossy supports the expansion of new plants.



• Foreign and Domestic Affairs. Yes.
• Healthcare Reform. Bossy dedicated herself to this important initiative by finally making those doctor appointments she’s been avoiding. Ophthalmologists, Endodontists, and Dermatologists are just a few of the specialists who consumed Bossy’s capital in exchange for attending to her private sector.



• No More Red Tape. Blue tape. Blue tape doesn’t stick to anything.
• More boots on the border. Here Bossy is referring to immigration, but truthfully she would support any plan involving boots.



In closing, Bossy wants you to know she and her kids and Unhusband have a destiny that is stitched together, like the American flag — or like the shoes you try on at Target. When the Bossy family works as a team, when they have each other’s backs, no challenge is too great, or mission too hard.

As long as the Bossy family maintains their common resolve, their journey moves forward, and the future is hopeful, and the state of their union — even an Ununion — will always be strong.

Thank you, and gah bless. (Applause)

Downton Abbey. Even if Bossy thought it was Downtown Abbey for an embarrassing period of time longer than the Victorian era, which draws to a close as this fictional miniseries begins.

This is basically like watching The Remains of the Day, except more hours of it. The characters and acting are somewhat less interesting, although Bossy adores Elizabeth McGovern, who reminds Bossy of her grandmother.

For those of you with Netflix instant streaming, the first season is available and features seven haughty episodes!