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As some of you may remember, Bossy is single. After Bossy’s divorce, she joined an online dating site because they do not have I Am Here Somewhat Ironically sites. For those of you who don’t know how dating sites work because you are happy, it goes like this: you set up a profile and are presented with prospects based on your very broad search criteria such as age, height, and never trust a man with a curio cabinet.
And the dating websites never fail — for the past five years, Bossy has been presented with a string of interesting men who are tall, dark, and speaking of dark: Bossy can see the wood paneling in the background of your selfie so this is never going to work.
Bossy has often thought of deleting her dating website profile, but then how will Bossy learn about the many different species of fish caught by a pair of sunglasses?
So Bossy decided in lieu of perusing dating sites, she was going to just live instead, where just live means watch Call the Midwife behind closed eyelids.
It was in this spirit of just living that Bossy found herself this past weekend, walking one block to her local supermarket in arctic temperatures.
Bossy wasn’t in the market two seconds when she spied him. He was emerging from lightbulbs and plastic wrap and his aura was distinctly I am sane, healthy, and my leather desert boots are well-worn. Bossy fell instantly in love. She headed toward the spray mops just for the chance to pass him, before noticing he was beelining for the cashier. This was Bossy’s cue to turn and sprint down the dairy aisle in order to collect the sole reason for her being: a carton of half-n-half.
Faster than you can say grey hair poking out of a ski hat and no wedding ring, breathless Bossy had settled behind him in the supermarket checkout lane. “Just the toilet paper and the Snickers bar?” the cashier asked Bossy’s man. Bossy wanted to form the sentence, “Sounds like a fun day to me!” until she realized it sounded like a laxative commercial. So instead Bossy stood there facing her man, silent, which Bossy once read is the number one strategy for getting remarried.
While Bossy’s man put his toilet paper and Snickers bar into the shopping bags he was already carrying from the pet store across the street, the cashier turned his attention to Bossy, “Just the half-n-half?” Bossy wanted to form the sentence, “Yes, the half-n-half to accompany the coffee that goes with his Snickers bar,” but before the words could drop like a gum-ball from her brain to her mouth, Bossy’s man had turned on his crepe rubber heels and was gone.
Bossy jammed various numbers into the debit keypad, yelling, “idon’tneedabag,” over her shoulder as she exited the store. That’s when Bossy turned to her left and saw her man loading grocery bags into his perfectly parallel-parked car.
Bossy knows what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, “A parked car means he doesn’t live in Bossy’s neighborhood, because no way would anyone leave a great street parking spot at noon on a Saturday in order to drive a few blocks to the busiest parking intersection in the city so you can pick up some toilet paper, a Snickers bar, and a few dog toys for your imagined Doodle-something!”
Bossy decided to turn and walk in his direction anyway, so that magic could happen. In Bossy’s case, magic was an exchanged smile that lit up the room, if South Street, Philadelphia were a room, and if it were the beginning of a long, beautiful night instead of a frozen, windswept afternoon, and if Bossy had thought of something clever to say.
But Bossy didn’t think of anything clever to say — or even something decidedly unclever to say — she just kept walking. In the wrong direction.
Bossy can sum up her supermarket experience with her man in this way: ‘You look familiar’ didn’t occur to Bossy until later. Crap!
Which is what today’s Ten-Word Challenge is all about. In exactly ten words, can you tell Bossy what she should have said to her man for a more happy-making outcome? Or tell Bossy about a similar situation when you couldn’t think of anything to say until later?
And be sure to check back later for the best What You Should Have Said comments on the web!
*please note: if you don’t see your comment appear at first, it’s because Bossy is in the process of educating her new spam folder and clearing reader names from that list. Thank you for your patience.
The post Ten Word Tuesday – The What Should Bossy Have Said Edition appeared first on i am bossy.
And so the Antiquities Act was born, but you can call it 16 USC 431-433 for short. This act gave the sitting president full discretion to declare a National Monument of any historic landmarks, structures, or objects of historic or scientific interest.
Theodore Roosevelt’s Antiquity Act language goes like this:
… any person who shall appropriate, excavate, injure, or destroy any historic or prehistoric ruin or monument, or any object of antiquity, situated on lands owned or controlled by the Government of the United States… shall, upon conviction, be fined in a sum of not more than five hundred dollars…
The Antiquities Act language has changed a bit since those early days, and twice there has been a reduction in presidential power for specific cases (Wyoming and Alaska now require congressional consent). The act has been used successfully 157 times by 16 presidents from Teddy to O’Boyfrend — but it’s faster to name the presidents who didn’t designate a National Monument: Richard Nixon, Ronald Reagan, and George The Father.
Even Doubleya named three marine National Monuments protecting coral reef ecosystems:
The National Monuments designation is often the first stop in converting the land to National Parks — and that is done with the help of Congress. An example of such a conversion is the Grand Canyon.
In the 111 years of the Antiquities Act, no president has ever stripped National Monument land established by a previous president.
The post National Monuments & The Antiquities Act: A Very Bossy Tutorial appeared first on i am bossy.
Hello! And welcome (back) to I Am Bossy. It’s been 1,087 days since Bossy last posted — and although Bossy never thought about her time away from writing as gone fishing, it seems others do not agree:
We all know Bossy hates change as much as discovering her post images now need to be 680 pixels x the side of Burj Khalifa, but a lot has happened in the three years since her esteemed council has gathered.
Bossy, who had been renting a one-bedroom view in a doorman-building on a running path adjacent to a river, instead decided to purchase a small sliver of brick with responsibilities:
In addition, Bossy’s job shifted. She is now working full-time for an institutional investment firm. Bossy has learned so much about bottom-up, value-oriented, quantitative global equities, she could write a book!
But luckily Bossy’s lack of financial acumen doesn’t impact her job, which is within the firm’s marketing department. Because Bossy has over four decades of experience in markets!
Bossy’s kids have also undergone a lot of changes since the last time Bossy posted. Bossy’s son is now a Justice on the Supreme Court — and Bossy’s daughter is a junior at George Washington University in the heart of D.C., where she majors in hiding from the presidential motorcade.
And of course, Bossy’s beloved Barack O’Boyfriend, who finished up his glorious second term with integrity and grace before walking hand in hand with his beautiful wife Michelle toward their civilian life — was replaced with Binge Eating Required.
So what else has Bossy been doing to pass the time? Redesigning this blog! It’s been 26,000 hours of, “please use this yellow, not that yellow,” and “can you edge the font toward the thumbnail photo never mind can you walk it back?” For her endless, cheery patience and superhero technological know-how, Bossy ultimately has her old friend Heather to thank.
Although the paint is still wet and a few rooms remain unfinished, let’s take a tour! You can sign up to receive email notices of new Bossy posts in the upper-right corner, where you can also click links to follow Bossy’s twitter account, instagram photos, facebook page, and that there ignored pinterest thingie. Bossy is treating this relaunch as an old-school blogger experiment, and as such is establishing an OG blogroll of sorts in the navigation bar. Bossy has over a hundred bloggers interested in joining Bossy in their own reinvention. Stay tuned.
Bossy has also been passing the time as a continued participant of an online dating site — or as Bossy refers to it: the discard pile. As a longstanding member, Bossy has befriended many of the men she has dated and even a few she hasn’t — and it’s always heartwarming to see when occasionally, like an orphanage, or a dog pound, someone gets adopted into their forever home.
So that just about brings things up to date! Please leave a comment and tell Bossy what you have been up to these last few years. With the Bossy reunion out of the way, it’s time to have some fun!
Hello and welcome to the New Walking Club! Our goal is fitness and we can’t wait to get started! Although we did wait to get started. We waited until December. But when it comes to getting in shape, the Walking Club offers endless opportunity! And in our case, endless opportunity ends January 1st.
Here’s how it works: the Walking Club will take place every Tuesday and Thursday, except for Christmas, and every month not December. That leaves eight whole Walking Club opportunities! Please note: we will not walk on rainy days or snowy days. Please note the forecast: Dec 1-2: Heavy rain; Dec 3-5: Heavy rain; Dec 6-13: Rain to snow; Dec 14-April: Stormy, rain and snow, snowy, rain.
In addition we will not meet on days when the temperature is below 35 degrees at 6:30 am. Please note: the average temperature at 6:30 am is 33 degrees.
We will meet at the trailhead gate that crosses the railroad tracks. Please note: We will not meet if there is a freight train parked at the trailhead gate. Please Note: winter freight trains park at the trailhead gate from midnight through June.
Sponsored by HealthyLifeNow. Or, you know, HealthyLifeNextSpring. See you then!
If you liked this post, read about how Bossy’s Core Ball exercise includes chocolate and a martini.
Or read Bossy’s tutorial on how to jog.
Or read about Bossy’s History Of Exercise.
The post Bossy’s Apartment Building Has A New Walking Club And Here Is Their Invitation appeared first on i am bossy.
Seasonal Depression — otherwise known as Seasonal Affective Disorder — is a depressive disorder occurring only specific times of year, such as winter.
Typical symptoms of Seasonal Depression include lack of energy, tiredness, sleepiness, and oversleeping with a side order of naps. Other symptoms include decreased focus, difficulty concentrating, and what was Bossy saying? Oh yes, Seasonal Depression.
People who suffer from Seasonal Depression often withdraw. Most often that withdrawal is from an ATM machine to pay for the wine that will combat the shift in mood because we all know booze is good for depression. In Backwards World.
Other signs one is suffering from Seasonal Depression include anxiety, weight gain, and anxiety over weight gain. Seasonal Depression is most common in women.
The cause of Seasonal Depression is often attributed to a disruption of one’s biological clock, which is responsible for our sleep patterns, cell regeneration, and the desire to have Ewan McGregor’s baby after watching Beginners for the fourth time this week because = Seasonal Depression!
The most popular cure for Seasonal Depression includes a light box placed on a tabletop a comfortable distance away — and you can type into this light box using the attached keyboard, creating your first blog post in the month since you put yourself to bed with Seasonal Depression.
And how are you, Bossy’s esteemed council? Please leave word.
If you liked this post, check out the time Bossy outran depression by watching Oprah.
Or see a photo of Bossy’s Great Dane Stella the day in 2009 when she was depressed about her sports team.
Last night Bossy watched the Ken Burns’ series on PBS, The Roosevelts, which is to say Bossy and her mother and her daughter were ignoring the show and talking about boys.
But when Bossy did turn her attention to the television, everything sounded vaguely familiar, as if Bossy had written a book about the Roosevelts herself. And then Bossy remembered she did write a book about the Roosevelts, dressed as a blog post answering the question: What if the Roosevelts were around today?
To help with that task, Bossy turned to Facebook.
You see, this was Franklin Roosevelt:
Franklin Roosevelt was a strong athletic man with an air of confidence and can-do charisma that stemmed from a sheltered, privileged upbringing. Partially responsible for shielding Franklin Roosevelt from distress or failure was his mother, Sara Delano:
Sara Delano married James Roosevelt who was recently widowed and nearly thirty years her senior. They had only one child, Franklin, due to a scare during childbirth. Her presence as a mother was always domineering, and Franklin learned it was easier to be stoic and keep his true emotions and thoughts hidden from general scrutiny.
For instance, when Franklin fell in love with his distant cousin, his mother wouldn’t know about it until the young couple announced their engagement. And the woman Franklin fell in love with was Anna Eleanor:
Anna Eleanor Roosevelt, or Eleanor as she was called, was unlike any other woman Franklin had ever known, in all her guileless brilliance. Both Franklin and Eleanor had emerged from well-to-do-backgrounds but had a special commitment to social responsibility. They forged a partnership both at home — raising five children — and professionally, with Eleanor acting as Franklin’s trusted confidante and advisor as he rose up the political ranks.
Eleanor was happy in her role as wife and mother. It allowed her to escape the great sadness she felt in her childhood, most of which stemmed from an alcoholic father who was a colossal failure compared to his brother, President of the United States, Teddy Roosevelt. In addition the always gawky and awkward and gangly and lanky Eleanor felt she could never measure up to the extreme beauty of her high society mother, Anna Hall:
Subject to fits of depression, everything in Eleanor’s adult life was going swimmingly until Eleanor discovered letters that proved Franklin was having an affair with her own social secretary, Lucy Mercer:
Eleanor was so devastated by her husband’s betrayal that she decided to stop having the sex she never wanted to have in the first place. For the rest of their married life, Franklin and Eleanor would sleep in separate bedrooms.
And speaking of things going swimmingly, it was in a lake, just a few years later, that the always virile Franklin Roosevelt contracted polio at the age of 39. In constant denial regarding his paralysis, Franklin received daily physical therapy and for a time retreated to Warm Springs, Georgia, where the mineral springs were known for their restorative power.
But Franklin didn’t recuperate in Georgia alone. No. By Franklin’s side was his near constant companion, his secretary Margaret Alice:
Marguerite Alice “Missy” Lehand was wildly in love with her boss. Having never married, she not only acted as secretary to the President, but devoted herself to fulfilling all the duties of a wife, like entertaining. Entertaining Franklin.
Eleanor was well aware of Missy’s constant companionship and supported her relationship with Eleanor’s husband since Eleanor herself was busy representing Franklin’s political platform across the country, being the more able-bodied presence compared to her husband, who never went out in public in the wheelchair he needed almost constantly.
But Eleanor didn’t mind her autonomous role as Franklin’s go-to guy, because Eleanor had a go-to guy of her own. And that go-to guy was a woman. Lorena Alice:
Lorena Alice Hickok was a journalist who met Eleanor at the Democratic National Committee headquarters where she was researching a story. The two forged an immediate friendship, where friendship equals they sent each other love letters.
And it was this cast of characters who, among a nation of others, were responding to Hitler’s march across Europe, leaving a swath of destruction behind him.
Will Franklin Roosevelt lead his country into war? Will he sleep with his secretary Missy? Will Missy have an emotional breakdown when she finds out Franklin was elected for a third term? Will Eleanor put her tiresome mother-in-law Sara in her place?