I was raised Christian – no specific flavor – but always had trouble with faith. After years of searching for answers to my questions, I had to throw up my hands and finally admit that I was an atheist. As of the current date, I am still underground with respect to my lack of belief. Only a few carefully selected friends and my spouse know. I am a business owner, so I feel that I have an obligation to my household not to do anything that would jeopardize our financial well being. For the first time tonight I met with a local atheist group in the hopes of gaining some perspective. After hearing from other folks tonight, I don’t see much hope of being able to be open about my own beliefs. Duplicity has served me well for many years now, so for the time being I will stick to what I know.

I am a 14 year old girl. My dad is agnostic and my mom is moderate Catholic. We don’t discuss religion much, but my mom takes us kids to church and Sunday school every week. I’ve always enjoyed singing the songs, but I have never been able to fully believe the Catholic doctrine. When I was around six, I repeatedly attempted to pray in hopes of having a personal relationship with the benevolent god whom we were expected to worship and adore. I never could get it right. It didn’t make sense for there to be a being in the sky who helped you all the time and loved everybody and was all-powerful and yet permitted so much terror and suffering and pain in the world. So I continued to go to church without complaint. I even became involved in the church as an altar server. Unfortunately, I was simply going through the motions. My church community was kind of fun, so I continued to pretend despite my extreme skepticism of religion. At my school, most everyone is Christian. I have had to argue with students and teachers alike over separation of church and state and blatantly obvious issues like the beginning of earth, evolution, climate change, and such. And this is a public school! It is appalling! Fortunately, I have found three wonderful people whose parents are religious and who have been raised in a religious setting but are now against such beliefs and are sick of the corresponding biases and violence. We are able to discuss wonderfully big philosophical questions and criticize religion to our heart’s content. All four of us are gifted, curious, and logical kids not afraid to confront the fallacies that surround us. Now we want answers to our questions. We have turned to physics. Not only is it incredibly fascinating and awe-inspiring, physics can also explain things without any need for a greater power! For answers to your biggest questions (real up-front answers and explanations backed by science and math!) read “The Grand Design” by Stephen Hawking and Leonard Mlodinow. Incredible book for atheists and anyone on the path to atheism! I’m not nearly done with my journey. But I have started. I am atheist. My parents are vaguely aware and aside from those three friends, nobody else knows. But they will. I’m not afraid to stand up for what I know to be true. Atheism is only for those who are not afraid to accept that we are not important at all, that we are in the midst of an ever-changing universe, and that we are alone with no magical man to help us along when the going gets tough. But atheism is also for people who can appreciate the wonder of life, the universe, and everything at face value without needing a supreme being. There is so much beauty in the universe and the complexity of everything is so astoundingly gorgeous. We live in an amazing world. Let’s stop worshiping imaginary people and gape at the wonder of reality. As theoretical physicist Lawrence Krauss said, “Every atom in your body came from a star that exploded. And the atoms in your left hand probably came from a different star than the atoms in your right hand. It really is the most poetic thing I know about the universe. You are all stardust. You couldn’t be here if stars hadn’t exploded because the elements (the carbon, nitrogen, oxygen, all the things that matter for evolution) weren’t created at the beginning of time. They were created in stars. So forget Jesus. Stars died so you could live.” Who needs a god to see beauty? It’s all around us. Lack of religion does not render life meaningless. We create our own meaning. We give our lives purpose. Don’t wait to be defined by society and humanity’s many shortcomings. Define your own life. You only have one. Don’t waste it.

I am an atheist, have been since – well for as long as I can remember. My family mainly call themselves Catholic though we only went to church for funerals or weddings.

The first memory I have of really discussing religion or god is of a conversation I had with a new friend on a school bus. I was in grade 1 so 6 years old? You know how easily kids make friends – I had just moved to a farm which meant a long bus ride everyday, I was on the bus heading to school and a girl got on and sat near me. She stared at me for a while and finally asked ‘who are you’? I told her my name and asked hers and then asked ‘do you want to be my friend’? She said yes and it was done. From that day on we sat together on the bus and discussed all kind of important things – what kind of sandwich we had in our lunch kits, how many brothers and sisters we had (I was one of 5 and she was one of 11 which fascinated me). One day she talked about something that happened in church. I asked her why she went to church so much and she talked about god and how her mom said she had to go so that god knew she was a good girl. Please remember, we were 6 year old kids and so our conversations were not too deep but I do recall this conversation as I see it as one of those defining moments. Anyway I asked more questions about god and church and she talked about how god created everything, finally I asked – but who made god? She was quiet for a while then she shrugged and said she didn’t know but would ask her mom.

The next day when she got on the bus she was looking at me strangely and blurted out, my mom thinks you are bad. I was crushed, I had never met her mom, what could I have done that was so bad? Nearly in tears I asked her why – why her mom thought I was bad. She said that asking who made god was bad, it meant I didn’t have faith and that was bad. Confused but not wanting to be an even worse person for admitting confusion I told her I didn’t know that rule and to tell her mom I was sorry I asked.

That was the end of our discussions about god – we both avoided talking about it after that.

Of course since then I have had many, many more discussions about religion, and I know now that my friend’s mom just didn’t have an answer and so she reacted harshly. The question, ‘who made your god then’ is one I have asked nearly everyone who has tried to convert me to their beliefs. In the 32 years since I first asked the question, I have yet to hear one good answer. I have gotten various versions of the ‘you’re a bad person for asking oh ye of little faith’ response though.

When I was a teenager I dated a fellow for a couple of years who was very into his faith and went to a Christian post-secondary school where he studied religion. He and I had some excellent conversations about many religions and in helping him study and learning more about religion myself; I became more confident than ever in my atheism.

I don’t hate religious people or religion; what I do hate is what some people do and have done in the name of religion (war, rape, genocide, beatings, torture, etc.) I do think that all the good done in the name of religion is fantastic – and if people need to use religion as a reason for being kind to other humans, for helping out their fellow man then so be it.

It can be done without religion though, maybe, hopefully one day all of humanity will be strong enough to let go of religion and be responsible for their own actions. (Cue John Lennon’s ‘Imagine’…)

I spent half my childhood in Florida, half in Switzerland. I’m Swiss. It might be because western Europe is generally less religious (or at least less militantly religious) as the U.S… but I was never fully convinced about the existence of a god.

My parents never talked about religion, they were never interested in it. Even at six years old I wondered about the problem of evil in this world. How it would not compute if there were a god.

The final nail in the coffin was my father. He is the best, most loving, supportive and caring father anyone could ever hope for, and I love no one more than I love him. When he got a rare, extremely vicious form of cancer when I was 10 years old… It was suddenly clear to me. There is NO GOD. From there, I studied the Bible, some of the Qur’an and started reading and learning about science. And soon, at 12 years old, I was a hardcore atheist.

My father is now 63 years old, and has survived more than 10 years. The only one out of 35 patients with his form of cancer in the last decades still alive, and the only one to have survived more than a handful of years.

No god. Just science, a little bit of luck and my father’s incredible strength and spirit to be happy and humorous even when at his worst health.

This world is amazing, so get rid of your delusions and see it for it’s true beauty.

I’m agnostic… It all simply never made sense to me… BUT… I am not offended at all by statues, religious memorials, manger scenes etc. I pay them their just do and move on. I frankly, LOVE a manger scene during the CHRISTMAS season. Rich in history and tradition they make me feel good… Period. The ones who spend their time on lawsuits fighting these things do offend me, they should consider keeping there feelings to themselves. I see them as most of us do… Troublemakers who are unhappy in life. Therapy will help you tolerate all…

When I was 8 or 9, I got kicked out of Sunday “school” for asking questions. I wasn’t being a smartass I just wanted an answers to things I didn’t understand. My teacher wouldn’t acknowledge my hand waves, so I would just blurt out the questions. Naturally I don’t remember all my questions, but Noah got me kicked out. How long did it take Noah to build the Ark?? Didn’t all boats float?? And a common question. How did he collect all the different animals?? Then I noticed that all the other kids also wanted the answers. I was then told not to come back to class until I quit asking questions.

Then I just quit going and played in the park til the time was it was over. I thought I was the only one who couldn’t except the unknown. My mother was not fundamentalist, she went to church a few times a year. But I didn’t tell her and thankfully we move soon after. When I was about twelve, I met some people who I considered very intelligent and they believed in the bible, so I thought I was the dumb one. So I decided to read the whole bible all the way through, and found it even worse that I thought it was.

After that, I decided not to mention my Atheism (just found out the definition of what I was) because I wanted to fit in with my classmates.

I will begin by summarizing my life story briefly, then will get right on to sharing the official coming out Facebook post from 10/13/12.

I am a 31 yr old female, raised in a conservative evangelical charismatic home and was home school my whole life. At age 15 I became a zealot myself and got involved in missions with various cults (Teen Mania Ministries and YWAM). In March of 2011 I started my slow ascent out of Christianity, first as a mystic unbound by doctrine. By May of 2013 it hit me like a ton of bricks that I was sure that there was no god.

Almost all of my family and friends are Christians, though I am lucky my husband is a very liberal non-literal Christian who is 100% supportive of my path. I also have a few other family members and friends who have followed a similar path, so I am pretty fortunate. Still, I had too much on my plate (foster-adopting 3 young children, going to school full time and working part time) to deal with the emotional and psychological fall out of coming out. When I finally did 2 days ago, I felt nothing but liberation and knew then that I could face any reaction. Luckily, I’ve got nothing but support. Those who are shocked and hurt are gracious enough to lash out at or grovel with me. Hope this encourages and gives someone hope:

Whew, as you all probably know it’s been a busy several months for me as I started full time online school May 16. Yes, and I still have 3 young children (and a husband!) as well! For those who don’t know I am working on my prerequisites in hopes to be accepted into a physical therapy assistant program in January. Also, our adoption will be finalized the beginning of November! So, a lot of exciting stuff on the horizon.

On that note I know it seems I’ve dropped off the face of the earth, primarily due to my busy schedule. But also I can only guess many are wondering what happened to me and why I am always ranting on Facebook about homophobia/gay rights, racism, spiritual abuse and healthcare (to name the four topics that incite the most passion in me). Other might have seen some *shocking* things I have to say about religion and yes, Christianity.

So after several months of hiding out in my cave I am going to come right out and say it: I am no longer a Christian. If you must insist on a label I guess I’m agnostic. Take a breath, stop hyperventilating, crying, praying, feeling shocked or sorry for me and please hear me out if you love or care about me.

Why? I didn’t just wake up one day and decide it would be fun to “rebel against God”. This came about by much research, reflection, introspection and experience. It wasn’t because I was “hurt by church” or had some catastrophic event happen to me. It was a culmination of learning history: that most war, misogyny, homophobia, etc has been caused by religion. Christianity included.

Two key things did accelerate my questioning though: the first being studying actual church history. How many Christians reading this know who Iraneaus is? What the Nag Hammadi is? That Jesus never wrote down anything he said? How the canon was formed? That Martin Luther left out several books of the canon of his own accord, and nearly left out others that you now consider “inerrant truth”? “Truth” has always been determined by the sword and who had the power. We have always killed “heretics”. The second is deeply personal so I debated whether even to post in on the internet so I will just briefly touch on it. My children. I do deeply appreciate all the support we have had, and the sentiment behind, “I am praying for them” and “God has a plan”. I’m sorry, but along with all the other suffering in the world, what kind of good God messes up a birth family and children’s lives just to bring them to another family? That that is somehow supposed to “glorify Him”. I can no longer believe that “God has a plan”.

Then there is science. Over the past few years as I studied things for myself I came to embrace science and evidence. Contrary to mainstream Christian belief most theological scholars are not literal 7-day-creationists, so it is possible to be a Christian AND ascribe to science/evolution. So combined with my experience and other research, I had evidence of the damage of religion and no evidence of god, so I eventually gave up on the idea of god.

I will also touch on the issue of spiritual abuse. As most know I was heavily involved with both Teen Mania and YWAM and now consider them both to be cults and to be in recovery from them. Besides my own bad experiences, there is a compendium of testimonies of overt abuse in these organizations. I also have had similar experience with Calvary Chapel and every charismatic church/circle I have been in. Evangelicalism on the whole is cultic as well since it is centered on one senior pastor having all the power. At least mainline denominations have a structure that does not allow one person to have all the power. As part of my recovery I will stand up against oppressors on behalf of the oppressed, as evidenced by my rants about Mark Driscoll and others. I have personally witnessed and been part of the marginalizing of the LGBT community at the hands of Christianity and “love the sinner hate the sin” indoctrination. I do suffer PTSD like “trigger” symptoms at the discussion of certain things, certain words, etc. Again, nothing catastrophic happened to me, but it’s the subtle nature of spiritual abuse…how it makes you question your every single move, thought, and breath that makes it such a vicious animal.

So the facts and evidence aside, many are dying to know “but what about the experience you had with Jesus and the Holy Spirit?!”. Many are dumbfounded because of my “passion for Christ”. I wasn’t a pew warmer. I was a missionary, prepared to “give my life for the gospel”. I agonized every life decision in prayer. It is precisely my passion for truth and love for people that has driven me to where I am, not some desire to rebel. I sought the truth, and it made me free. My experiences were just that, mystical inexplicable psychological experiences. I was indoctrinated at Teen Mania to shout at ATF, “I KNOW JESUS IS REAL BECAUSE HE CHANGED MY LIFE!”. Another moment of awakening came 2 years ago when I watched the film Malcolm X. I could not deny that Malcolm experienced Allah in Mecca and that changed his life. I also cannot deny that many people I know are happier, healthier, more psychologically balanced and have better relationships as a result of leaving behind religion. On the same note, I am not denying anyone else’s experience with “Jesus”. If you feel that has “changed your life” I am not trying to deconvert you. I do acknowledge that many have had a conversion experience and are living a more stable life because of their “faith”. I am just sharing my journey in advance of the barrage of questions I will receive.

Others might know of my recent journey into mysticism and are curious why I can’t retain a mystical understanding of God and Christ apart from organized religion. In short, I still am ok with mysticism versus fundamentalism, and it is not a totally closed door for me. Which is why I identify as agnostic instead of atheist: no one can prove there is a God, but no one can prove there is not one. As long as mysticism doesn’t control others I am ok with it. For me I just no longer felt the need for mythology and found it more damaging than helpful at this point in my life. Perhaps I will one day return to it without any ties to literalism.

Do you want to know that I am happier, healthier and more confident now that I’ve left religion behind? That I no longer feel like a victim? That my true personality is unfolding? I am finding I am outgoing, assertive and opinionated now that I’m no longer under the restraint of being a “gentle and quiet spirit” “in submission”? That I am not spinning out into debauchery, that I live a sound moral life apart from god (yet don’t judge how anyone else lives their life)? That my relationship with my husband grows better and better all the time? Now that we are fully embracing being equals (that am I am incredibly lucky to have a husband that has been a feminist all along, it was I that had to give up patriarchal ideas) and supporting each others goals and dreams? That I love my kids and would give my life for them? That if they ever came out as gay I would happily and fully support them? That I will show my daughter by example that she can be anything she wants to be regardless of her sex or race, that “god’s plan for her life” is not limited to staying at home (not to knock any woman’s choice to do so, as long as it is just that and not under duress that is is “god’s design”)? That I sleep better at night, knowing there is no hell that anyone is being damned to after already suffering on this earth, not second guessing myself about anything, not wondering if I am in some kind of sin? That I am becoming more successful and intelligent and doing excellent in school? That with Humanism I am even more passionate about human beings and social justice (hence my rants about racism, homophobia, etc) than I was as a Christian because I know this is life is the only chance we have to create heaven and destroy hell? I am not just “living for myself”? That I have so much more respect for everyone now that know no one is born a sinner and I am not pitying poor lost souls (even when I thought that “Jesus loved everyone enough to die for them”)?

The only stress and depression I feel is knowing that many of you will be “interceding” for my soul, heartbroken and will try to friendship evangelism me back into the kingdom. You already know I “know all the answers” as I found when I tried to reconvert others in the past. As much as I love you, I cannot pretend to believe myths anymore or be someone I am not to keep the peace and to spare you the pain. I am sorry for any pain you feel and it was not my intention to hurt you, and I’m not trying to be right for the sake of being right and proving you wrong. I am not going to go around personally trying to deconvert each of you, asking you “why you came to the conclusions you did”, so I will appreciate the inverse from you. I understand most will pray for me and that’s fine, I can’t control you feeling sorry for me or sorry we’ve lost our “spiritual fellowship.” I you believe in god you will have to trust that he really is in control. But hopefully we can find a new normalcy for our relationships that includes mutual respect. I will not tolerate “you are being led astray by the enemy” or “you are bitter and need to forgive” or “Christians make mistakes, not Christ, don’t judge Jesus based on what Christians do” or “you are confused and going through a phase”. As much as I love you I will draw boundaries for myself.

I also don’t have the time or energy to respond to every single person who wants to have a personal discussion about this. It is what it is. I would have been happy to just stay in my cave and not deal with this, but I love and respect you all enough to tell you the truth about where I am in life. It has been a scary, gut-wrenching, tear filled yet fascinating and freeing journey and it continues to unfold. Hopefully agnostics and atheists are humanized in your mind now, I know Christians are still humanized in my mind apart from “Christianity”. Know that when I rant on Facebook or other forums about religion it is not to stand against individual Christians. A lot of it is processing my own experience, or standing against abusive leadership. We have all come to the conclusions we have for a reason, and are just trying to live this life the best we can. Feel free to pass this along to whoever isn’t on Facebook or isn’t on much as again, I don’t have the time or emotional energy to hash it out with everyone personally. Especially the closer we are the more difficult the whole thing is, so please don’t feel hurt that I didn’t call or visit you in person to tell you about my spiritual life.

Blessings on your journey.

“Take the risk of thinking for yourself, much more happiness, truth, beauty, and wisdom will come to you that way.” -Christopher Hitchens

I wish in my youth I heard the enlightening words of the great Christopher Hitchens.
I came from a Catholic family. My mothers side of the family is very religious, my father’s family as well was Catholic. However, my father isn’t very religious anymore. I went to a Catholic school for 8 years. In those eight years I was told what to believe, what was “good”, what was “evil”, and what happened after death.

For years I blindly accepted everything I was told to believe in by my elders.

Until one day, I was a freshmen in high school it was the middle of October when my father took me to see a movie. This movie was a documentary film about religion. The film was created by the critical stand-up comic Bill Maher. At the time I did not know who he was, but I’m glad I saw the film. The movie was witty, funny, and eye-opening for me. Maher showed logical objections towards religion, he talked about it has a dark side, how it’s cause more evil then good, how it is man made and used by man to control others. When the film ended people gave it a standing ovation. I entered that theater a blind religious sheep. I left it with eyes-opened to a new world I never knew about.

I wanted to learn more about Atheist, Skeptics, and Freethinkers.

Over the next few months I spent most of my time researching Atheist writers, philosophers, actors, and scientist. I discovered new unique people. I learned about Christopher Hitchens, Richard Dawkins, Sam Harris, Jean Paul Sartre, and George Orwell. I learned that so many great people were atheist, I learned that many of the founding fathers weren’t christian they were Deist. I learned more about religious war. How a majority of wars have been caused by religion. (This was shocking to me because I never learned about this at my Catholic School.)

After reading all the essays on evolution, religion, and the universe were complete I came to a conclusion that there is no god. This scared me at first, I didn’t tell anyone for awhile. It got a llite frustrating because I just wanted to tell someone anyone about this new revelation I had experienced in my life. However, at the time I was still somewhat ashamed of myself and was afraid I’d loose my friends and family members if I came out.

A month or so later at school my friend asked me “What’s your religion? Do you believe in God?” I took a deep breath and responded ”I have no religion, I do not believe in god or any deities I am an atheist.” The words just erupted from my mouth and as they did I felt a sense of happiness as if all the stress in the world had vanished into thin air. I couldn’t hold it in any longer I had to come out and I didn’t care what anyone thought. My friend had an expression on his face I’ll never forget for as long as I live. It was the type of face you see in horror films, when the character is frozen in shock and fear. He somewhat freaked out and started asking me questions like why don’t I believe, did something happen, do you need help? I answered all his questions holding nothing back telling the whole story of how I lost faith. Yet he still seemed in shock. Which confused me at the time, it was as if I was the first Atheist he’s ever met. It wasn’t long till all my friends new I was a non-believer. (I should mention though I went to a public school not a private one.) Not all my friends were very religious though. Most of them told me they really didn’t care as long as I’m happy. Them saying that made me feel so glad I would not loose our friendship. However, I can’t say the same for others. A few friends of mine took extreme offense to this. As if just because of my Atheism I was now their enemy. I am happy to say over the years we’ve reconnected with each other despite our beliefs.

I was very afraid to tell my parents. (My mother most of all). My father like me also became less religious but it was still difficult to tell them.
Luckily, they accepted my choice and did not overreact about it.

I’ve been an Atheist for 6 years now. I’m living a fairly happy life in Ohio. I’m studying Writing and Film in college now. I hope one day to write a book or make a movie in the future.

I’m proud to call my self an Atheist. No matter what the world thinks of me or my fellow Freethinkers.

Thank you for reading.

Sinisterly,

Evan Strozniak

Mormon Father. Jewish Mother.

27 cousins on his side. 1 on hers.

I hated church as a child, mainly because it was long and boring and I didn’t believe anything anybody said. It all sounded nice, but I could never convince myself that anyone speaking at the pulpit actually believed what they were saying. It sounded more like regurgitation of dogmatic maxims, like: “knowing” Mormonism is “the one true church”.

During Sunday School, they tried to convince me that Joseph Smith was told by god in a vision to dig up and translate magical plates of gold, written in a dead language, which predict Christ’s eventual return to Missouri. (Yes, that Missouri). Even as a boy, I knew this silliness was not for me. But I was afraid to tell anyone my true feelings out of fear being judged.

So I played along as best I could, repressing my anger and shame. I came to despise the church’s supernatural teachings, much to the chagrin of my Sunday School teachers, who feebly attempted to answer my smug questions, like: ‘if there is no hell (Mormons don’t believe in it), why shouldn’t I just kill myself to get to heaven sooner?’. I was a handful. Eventually, my distain for the church’s dogma reached critical mass after I was forced to participate in church-sanctioned “Baptisms for the Dead”. Google it.

At 15, my parents finally allowed me to drop out of Seminary (daily 6am bible-study), and I have not attended a Mormon service since.

I spent the next 15 years investigating other religions. Surprisingly, my journey was similar to Joseph Smith’s. Both he and I shared dissatisfied with the church we were born into, so we explored others in early adulthood. Over the years I have studied and/or practiced Buddhism, Judaism, Taoism, Falun Gong, Hinduism, Catholicism, and even Scientology (which is the most bogus of them all).

At 25, I even traveled to Israel for two weeks to explore my Jewish heritage.

At 30, I decided to stop searching for god. I had searched enough. Then something amazing happened. I realized I had been an Atheist my entire life.

I do not believe in Atheism, the way religious people believe in god. Rather, I choose to accept the reality that no empirical evidence exists to prove there is a god (or Zeus, or Allah, or Vishnu) instead of assuming the opposite – that god exists because he cannot be disproven. That decision automatically makes me an Atheist.

If there is anything I have learned as a therapist, it is that everyone’s brain is wired differently. It is not good or bad, just different. Some people are wired to WANT to be told what the rules are. It is too hard, or too scary, or just too much work to figure out the truth for themselves, so they adopt the beliefs of others and pass them off as their own. For some people, believing in a made-up answer is better than admitting that no answer exists.

I am not one of those people.

I choose to take responsibility for my actions, good and bad, rather than attribute my success to god and my failure to sin.

Life as an Atheist has made me happier than ever before. I finally feel allowed to be myself, all of the time. Instead of attributing the good I experience to god’s benevolence, I praise myself for a job well done. Rather than pray to God for help, I use my brain to figure out the best solution to my problems.

And, if I find myself at the pearly gates after I am dead and gone, I will happily admit my transgressions and repent of my sins. But until some proof exists that god — or Brahma, or Osiris, or Elohim, or Athena — is real, I choose to accept the science of evolution over cult superstition.

I wasn’t born a Mormon, or a Jew; I was born an Atheist. I have never believed in a god, no matter how many times I tried to convince myself otherwise.

Sorry, Dad. I was just born this way.

Penn Jillette tells my story far better than I ever could, so I won’t bother.

(He later expanded this into a chapter of his recent book “God, No“.)