iAMrj.com - Latest Updates

'Daddy, Do Better' is one of the best

2011-07-13T01:09:00.000-04:00

Some time ago I contributed "Daddy, Do Better" to an anthology entitled Our Black Fathers: Brave, Bold and Beautiful. The book features over 60 writings by individuals from several countries, but...

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Saying less accomplishes more

2010-10-16T12:14:00.001-04:00

Knowing how much to say is as critically important as knowing how to say it. Indeed, it is never an excessive amount of words that is required, but effectual ones. When you talk too much, you only...

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Good men treated badly

2010-10-11T04:35:00.002-04:00

A good man who's a single man is a suspect. Far too many women are suspicious of his "goodness" because they believe that, if he is really a good man, he should (and would!) be taken. Often, the...

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Forgiveness 101

2010-10-09T14:51:00.002-04:00

Far too many people attempt to absolve themselves of accountability for what's happening in their relationships, especially when they're part of relationships that are struggling or simply falling...

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'The breath of kindness'

2008-12-09T01:58:00.003-05:00

Oh, the comfort — the inexpressible comfort — of feeling safe with a person, having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all right out, just as they are, chaff and...

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The inexcusable fear excuse

2008-12-05T02:09:00.002-05:00

Fear is one of the handiest excuses known to humanity, so it should come as no surprise that people frequently use it in their relationships. For example, it’s not uncommon for a partner to invoke...

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Is it make-up or fake-up?

2008-12-04T02:15:00.002-05:00

I once dated a woman who wore so much makeup that it often stained my clothes and always made her look significantly different from the way she looked without it. That’s when I started using the...

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Couples rituals

2008-12-02T16:59:00.003-05:00

I once read that a married couple’s dog often does a better job of greeting each spouse than the spouses themselves: "The family dog is loyal, enthusiastic and totally focused on the greeting...

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'Nice' just doesn't cut it

2008-12-01T02:21:00.002-05:00

Some of the “nicest” people in the world are the worst people to date and marry, and the reason is they love relationships but have no REALationship skills. They are a penny a dozen, especially in...

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Do you feel valued?

2008-11-29T02:27:00.002-05:00

Everyone wants to be valued by their intimate partner, and it is not uncommon for people to spend a lot of time trying to make sure this is the case. Far too often, however, individuals find...

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The emotional issue of emotions

2008-11-22T02:48:00.003-05:00

My fiancée, Cheryl, readily admits that she is a very emotional person. Problem is, she insists that I am, too! Being a “man,” of course, I readily deny and denounce the charge! Me?...

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Bad relationships and good criticism

2008-11-22T02:43:00.002-05:00

Some people tend to go into hiding whenever they get involved in a relationship not worth making public. It is their defense mechanism of choice when their choices are defenseless. However, this...

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Self-interest is in a child's best interest

2008-11-21T03:02:00.003-05:00

Whenever I speak to a teenager, one of the things I tell them is that they need to be motivated by much more than what their parents or others think, say or do. Indeed, one of the things that should...

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Make time to make the most of love

2008-11-21T02:56:00.004-05:00

A person who doesn’t have time for a relationship ought not to get involved in one. Yet, there are countless individuals who enter relationships expecting their partners to constantly wait around for...

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They that work together stay together

2008-11-17T03:10:00.002-05:00

A relationship stands a chance to be all it can be when both partners are giving it all they’ve got. However, when one partner is “doing all the work,” it often turns out that their labor is in...

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Secret lovers for stupid parents

2008-11-15T03:37:00.002-05:00

I cannot count the number of single parents that I’ve met who are involved with people they claim are good to them but, clearly, are not good for their children. Their partners provide...

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Your partner is not your property

2008-11-15T03:24:00.002-05:00

It is extremely difficult to convince certain individuals that their lover is not their property. People cannot be property; human beings can only subjugate and oppress other human beings in the name...

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Note to self

2008-11-15T03:22:00.001-05:00

The deeper the relationship, the higher the standards. Expect the most of those who wish to be close to you. iAMrj * rj jones

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Change that helps us change

2008-11-15T03:18:00.001-05:00

It should come as no surprise that to positively change our lives we must purposely change our minds. New ways of living often require new ways of thinking, and new ways of thinking often require new...

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What kind of relationship do you want?

2008-11-14T17:12:00.002-05:00

The question in the title of this article prompts most people to think about qualities and traits they would like for their dream partner to possess, or perhaps changes they would like their current...

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Mom's boyfriend is 'creepy,' says little girl

2008-11-11T04:39:00.002-05:00

A single mother once asked my opinion of her dating a “nice” guy that still has quite a bit of “street” in him. She explained that, although he treats her well as his girlfriend, he certainly is not...

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The perils and politics of leaving your church

2008-10-04T03:48:00.002-04:00

In the summer 2008 issue of Dissent Magazine, Maxine Phillips reflects on the politics of leaving one’s church in view of the fact that, “In this campaign season, the question is, why...

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A father's take on things that matter most

2008-10-02T18:14:00.002-04:00

A female friend recently called and asked me to write a blog encouraging more Black fathers to become involved in the lives of their children. I agreed to do so only because she was careful to...

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We keep meeting this way

2008-09-15T04:22:00.001-04:00

I opened the door to my home late Friday night and saw the most beautiful woman in the world. She glistened as I fastened my appreciative gaze on her and thought to myself, “What a lucky man!” I...

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Jesus' family had problems, too

2008-09-07T04:25:00.003-04:00

At the ripe old age of 12, Jesus already had a sense of purpose that placed him directly at odds with his parents and, no doubt, others who were around the gifted child. Despite any attempts he may...

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