Now that I am part of ‘them’, it feels strangely exciting, like a little boy that got his birthday present early. As I start to walk with Christ in my life, and as I learn more, I came to realise that the joy is genuine, and now I know why people want to spread the word about Jesus so much to other people.

Lately, something is different with me. I know that prayer works, but never had any idea that God actually listens and gives us more than we asked for. I wanted to change – to be a better man, what God intended me to be. In the past, I tried, yes. Tried to read the Bible and tried to devote more time to prayers. Then the enthusiasm died. It came and went like embers in a haystack under a windy dark sky.

I was afraid to be the seed that fell on stony ground – sprouting roots quickly but dying quickly too. I wanted to be different. So I said to God: “Hey, I wanna be what You want me to be. So please help me change.”

My pastor at the church I go to then told me about the upcoming baptism, which I decided to take part in. Strangely, it just feels right. Today, at the baptism class, I finally had a revelation – it was all coming together like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle. God did want me to change, and He made that possible by blessing me with an unexplained, sudden ability to concentrate a lot more compared to the past. He gave me the desire to learn, to study. I remembered how hard it was to make myself revise.

A verse in Colossians 3 struck me – it was as if God was telling me what He wanted me to do exactly:

Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. Because of these, the wrath of God is coming. You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived. But now you must rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips. Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator. Here there is no Greek or Jew, circumcised or uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave or free, but Christ is all, and is in all.

Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.

Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

What good will desire do to us? It only makes people unable to focus at the most important thing, and fail to prioritize. It makes Man fail to see the bigger picture. Greed stems from it, and with it, the corruption of the soul and mind.

The only good thing that I can think of about desire is its ability to drive people to heights they have never thought they could achieve. Excellent academic results from the sheer determination of a student to pursue a coveted scholarship, for example. The desire to bring justice drives others to battle for the undefended in courtrooms through lawful interventions. The desire to bring peace sends ordinary people to the frontier of battlefield, risking limbs and lives to fight terror, injustice and evil.

The desire of Man to know more about the universe led to astounding advancements in physics and astronomy. Were our forefathers to know what we have achieved today, they would have thought we were gods.

When desire rears its ugly head, inevitably all sorts of evil comes with it. Greed and corruption. Hatred. Anger. The desire for power, position and money led people to destruction.

In my case, desire works differently. It drove me to work hard to get what I have always wanted – this scholarship. It drove me to keep going on even when I feel weak. The desire to return home keeps burning me to strive for excellence. I want to return home as someone who could serve and contribute.

Right now, though, desire torments me, as I long for something that I know could not possibly happen, not for the near future anyway.It has gotten worse lately – to the point of making me unable to be in the present, making my mind drift.

So as I sit here typing, still longing, still wanting, I wondered why God ever created this feeling. It sucks.

I fear that it will continue to grow unchecked, making me fail to prioritize. I do not want it to destroy what I have right now, which was what happened last time, the pieces of which I had to pick up after the mess. It was ugly.

*sigh* if only I could direct that desire to something productive. Yet I know I cannot, knowing who I am, knowing what I am. I fear for the inevitable. It takes a lot of effort to keep myself from doing something stupid, to keep pretending and to keep acting. I know a part of me wants it so badly, and another part of me fears for the worst.

Unfortunately, it is a well-known fact that that desire always has the upper hand.

I feel like a ticking time bomb.

Sometimes I wonder whether this is a blessing. I realized that since coming to Prague, I am able to remember a lot more things, things I could not imagine I could commit to memory. Sometimes things I see are seared into my mind, so I could not forget them. This state of consciousness takes its toll on me, though. Headaches, nausea and fatigue. I can concentrate and remember a lot of things in a short period of time, at the price of taking my brain to hell and back. At the end of it I can feel nothing except the intense pain and throbbing in my head.

And after sleeping it out, I could retrieve the memory especially if under pressure, for example, an exam or test. Which is a good thing, I guess. That kind of super-conscious feeling, of awakeness and razor sharp focus sometimes drains the life out of me. Bad thing is, I could not keep everything in for long. After 1 month, the memory is wiped off cleanly and I would have to start all over again.

Yet I thank God for this blessing He has bestowed on me. I count my blessings, and thank Him for everything He has done.

Lazy to update blog nowadays. I went to UK and it was really fun. Tiring but fun. Saw lots of museums and the typical must-see places. Tower Bridge, Big Ben, Buckingham Palace, yada yada.

Hectic schedule and busy lives. Dissection in month and it will cover twice the amount of stuff than the one in winter term. Starting to panic a little.

I should start revising soon but really no mood nor will to do so.

Everybody says that in the first year, starting summer, hell will break loose.

I just hope I have enough energy left in me to stand firm against the tide.

I went to the cinema together with a few friends to watch Robert Downey Jr. and Jude Law in action. Oh boy, Downey as Holmes was a really stellar performance. He managed to portray Holmes in a totally different way. I grew up thinking Sherlock Holmes was some kind of nerdy fellow with the huge cloak thing running around solving crimes. In the movie, Holmes was not nerdy at all. In fact, he is a fighter, a problem solver and an exceptional analyst. Same goes with Dr. Watson. A charming, bookish looking doctor who wields a cunningly concealed blade inside a walking stick beating the crap out of villains? Drool. They like, totally pawned it man.

The pair had such chemistry, it is hard to hold back from grinning at their snide commentaries and witty banters. That being said, the first 10 minutes of the movie was really confusing. The English accent was so thick, it was hard to make out what they were saying. Though that only contributed to the fun factor.

The sharp and funny remarks and dialogue aside, the movie offers some really good action scenes. Packed to the rim with intense encounters and fights, enough to hold you to your seats. No seriously, I just love watching the good doctor beat crap out of people. The moments where Holmes plan his sequence of attacks are just jaw-dropping. They give a glimpse of what goes through his head as he thinks out his exact moves to block, parry, strike and pummel a guy to submission in slow motion. Amazing.

Holmes’ famous deductive reasoning method is the most attractive point of the movie. From seemingly unconnected pieces of evidence, he can arrive very impossibly to conclusions. It is just fulfilling to watch as Holmes uncover one mystery after another, unveiling a clever ploy to disguise a power-hungry villain’s ambition as dark arts. It was one of the rare moments in movies when I went “Ooooh” and “Aaahh”.

Excellent plot, superb acting and witty banter. What more could one ask for? Two thumbs up, definitely.

Now that I think of it, it was not so bad. I could get used to this kind of life. I passed Cell Biology (amazingly) and now I have 3 weeks of free time. Nothing much to do sitting at home, yet nothing to do outside either. I could go and explore Prague, but somehow the idea does not seem inviting considering I have to do it alone.

So here I am, whiling away my life. I found something worthwhile to do though. Spending hours typing articles out of thin air for $3 a piece is not too bad. I am at my laptop almost the whole day anyway.

I am growing sideways I think. Not good.

I miss Malaysian food terribly.

People run away when they are afraid. Fear of the unknown, fear of insecurity and fear of loneliness. We run, hoping that the problem will go away. Sadly most of the time, it does not. I had to learn this the hard way.

When times go bad, many rely on friends and hope they can stay throughout the difficulties. It is worse if the problem arises between friends. I had the unpleasant experience and the scars remain until today to remind me. Yet, as are all things in life, the most wonderful things come in guises that we least expect. That friend went on to become one of my closest friends today.

Friendships endure storms, and at the end of it, if they survive, the bond becomes stronger. Ever wondered why there is a ’ship’ in ‘friendship’? Like a real ship, to steer through the storm, all that it requires is teamwork. You need the captain and the crew. Both cannot work without the other. Friendship is a teamwork game.

Somehow, my mind fails to make the words express what I wanted to say. I realise that, the world is a much better place to live in if people just take everything as a stoic fact of life. And sometimes that involves stepping back, looking at the bigger picture and have the courage to laugh at yourself before inhaling deeply and trudge on, slowly, one step at a time.

It is really amazing sometimes, when you feel that there is nothing you can do and hopelessness and despair overwhelms the soul, and yet when the time comes, the Lord provides sustenance and His grace is more than enough to help you pass. I really thank Him for blessing me with favour with the biophysics professor. I really had no idea how to answer 2 out of 3 questions but luckily I still passed.

So now, there is only Cell Biology left and after that I am free for 4 weeks. Going to UK during the holiday, but feel really lazy to plan for it right now. Nowadays I just stay at apartment, going online, playing PC game (Dragon Age:Origins is awesome by the way) or just sleep most of the time.

It might be just me, but lately I noticed as if people around me are suddenly getting together out of the blue. My friends back in Malaysia are together. Two of my classmates finally got together recently after 1 year of pretending-the-thing-doesn’t-really-exist. Naturally, everyone was excited but the novelty wears off after some time. What, Cupid suddenly has too much free time?

Life is good, I am enjoying every moment of my time here. Whee..

Lasik is virtually painless, and recovery period is very fast too. Patients can see clearly typically within 2 to 3 days. It eliminates the need for contact lenses or glasses.

Stahl Eye Center is the leading lasik surgery center in the US with good reputation and served by doctors who graduated from top medical universities like UCLA.

But the posts in the blogs are really enlightening. I did not even know that there is a Charter of Rights between St. Catherine’s monastery and Prophet Muhammad. The church has been under Muslim’s protection for ages, which is really amazing and makes me gush with gratitude.

In 628 AD, a delegation from St. Catherine’s Monastery came to Prophet Muhammed and requested his protection. He responded by granting them a charter of rights, which I reproduce below in its entirety. St. Catherine’s Monastery is located at the foot of Mt. Sinai and is the world’s oldest monastery. It possesses a huge collection of Christian manuscripts, second only to the Vatican, and is a world heritage site. It also boasts the oldest collection of Christian icons. It is a treasure house of Christian history that has remained safe for 1400 years under Muslim protection.

The Promise to St. Catherine:

“This is a message from Muhammad ibn Abdullah, as a covenant to those who adopt Christianity, near and far, we are with them.

Verily I, the servants, the helpers, and my followers defend them, because Christians are my citizens; and by God! I hold out against anything that displeases them.

No compulsion is to be on them. Neither are their judges to be removed from their jobs nor their monks from their monasteries. No one is to destroy a house of their religion, to damage it, or to carry anything from it to the Muslims’ houses.

Should anyone take any of these, he would spoil God’s covenant and disobey His Prophet. Verily, they are my allies and have my secure charter against all that they hate.

No one is to force them to travel or to oblige them to fight. The Muslims are to fight for them. If a female Christian is married to a Muslim, it is not to take place without her approval. She is not to be prevented from visiting her church to pray. Their churches are to be respected. They are neither to be prevented from repairing them nor the sacredness of their covenants.

No one of the nation (Muslims) is to disobey the covenant till the Last Day (end of the world).”

The first and the final sentence of the charter are critical. They make the promise eternal and universal. Muhammed asserts that Muslims are with Christians near and far straight away rejecting any future attempts to limit the promise to St. Catherine alone. By ordering Muslims to obey it until the Day of Judgment the charter again undermines any future attempts to revoke the privileges. These rights are inalienable. Muhammed declared Christians, all of them, as his allies and he equated ill treatment of Christians with violating God’s covenant.

A remarkable aspect of the charter is that it imposes no conditions on Christians for enjoying its privileges. It is enough that they are Christians. They are not required to alter their beliefs, they do not have to make any payments and they do not have any obligations. This is a charter of rights without any duties!

The document is not a modern human rights treaty but even thought it was penned in 628 A.D. it clearly protects the right to property, freedom of religion, freedom of work, and security of the person.

Go to this link to read the entire article: http://pahlawanvolunteers.wordpress.com/2010/01/03/prophet-muhammad’s-promise-to-christians/

It really is encouraging to read a different view on the controversial issue of church attacks recently in Malaysia. And Marina Mahathir has a post in her blog that sums up the conflicts in a very modern, compassionate way that encompasses the real spirit that true Malaysians really WANT in 1Malaysia.

http://rantingsbymm.blogspot.com/2010/01/confident-people-do-not-get-confused.html

I have hope, still.