Days have passed and I’ve stepped onto a new path in life.  My days will be different, my home will change, my routine will be new.  I am now embarking on a phase in life that I shall call adulthood.  Don’t worry, it’s not as serious as it sounds, but it’s quite important indeed.

In the days ahead I will create a lifestyle that is more in line with my morals, beliefs, and ideals.  I recently ‘got hitched’ and I will spend time each day nurturing this new relationship that my wife and I have entered into.  Soon I will have a new home in the big city as opposed to the suburban areas I’ve lived in my entire life.  I will start graduate school, and my goal is to be a straight A student, so I will accept nothing less than my best.  I will still be responsible for my full time job at my college, so my time will be stretched between many things.  I can handle it, though, and I will do great.

4 years from now, I’ll be a health care administrator, my wife will be a doctor, and we will look back at the last 4 years with the fondest of memories.  In the days, weeks, months and years ahead, I will create those amazing memories.  The road ahead is long and hard, but I’m going to enjoy each and every day becoming the man that I have chosen to become.

Seldom does a man achieve greatness by mistake, but rather by design.  I have chosen my design, and I shall persist in developing it into reality.

I’ve been driving back and forth from Houston to Austin (about 185 miles) for the past couple of weekends.  Over the course of these drives I’ve been able to observe many of the things people do to their cars to “mod” them.  While I’ve seen many “mods” that really accentuate the look/design/drive of a car, I’ve seen far more “mods” that make cars look like piles of garbage.  Some people do the douchiest things to their cars.  Here is my list of top # douchiest car mods.

Huge Racing Spoiler

Remember back in the late nineties/early 2000s when Fast and Furious had everyone buying huge carbon fiber and aluminum spoilers for their civics, accords, and pretty much anything else they were driving?  Well apparently that fad didn’t die for some.  And the funniest/stupidest part about it is that you never see these spoilers on fast cars.  Heck, you never even see them on nice cars.

Here’s a little tip: if your car can’t even break 100 mph, you have no business putting any sort of “aerodynamic” mods.

Ballin Rims, Broke Ride

Plain and simple, if your rims are worth more than your ride, you are a loser.  Bonus points if you had to modify the car further in order to fit the rims under it.  Extra douche points if your car needs body work done or has more than 1 color of paint on it, especially since you deemed it more important to get those dubs than to fix the ride.

Coffee Can Exhaust

First off, your civic isn’t fast.  You know it and I know it. Second, I hear your exhaust wining as if you were accelerating, but you aren’t going any faster.  What’s that about?  Third, you wake me up when you drive by, but that noise doesn’t fool anyone.  I could take off in 3rd gear and still beat you, and my car isn’t even that fast…  Lose the coffee can exhaust.

Body Kits Installed Before Painted

Seriously, nobody thinks your bright-colored car with a black front bumper is cool.  Rip it off, paint it, and bolt it back on, so we can continue making fun of you for spending money on a body kit for a car worth about as much as the body kit itself…

Fake Badges

First off, having a V-tech, GT-R, Turbo, Cobra, or any other performance version of any type of car is fine.  But slapping the badge on your base model ride is just ridiculous.  If you drive a base model focus/civic/corolla/(insert cheap car here), that’s fine.  Rep your ride.  But when you perpetrate a car that’s only a couple of Gs more than the ride you’ve got, as if that somehow boosts your cool points, you just look dumb.  Extra douche points if you rep a badge claiming something that doesn’t exist, like “turbo” on a ford focus, or “V8″ on a corolla.

Lowering Your Pickup

It’s a pick up truck for God’s sake.  You do get the concept of a pick up truck, right?  Cut that shit out!

Hanging Testicles from your Car/Truck

We get it, you’re a douchebag with small testes.  Do you really need to compensate that much?  All we get from your trucks balls is that you have a very small penis, and for that we are sorry.

Visible LEDs and Neons

Ok, so you got your new sentra (new to you, it’s actually a 96…).  Now it’s time to mod it out, like they do in the movies.  What’s first?  Neon lights of course.  But rather than installing it right, just slap it on somewhere with duct tape or a zip tie.  Who cares if we can see the light bulb, that’s not the point.  The point is that you are awesome and everyone should know it.  Extra bonus points if you added an LED bar to your back license plate and we can see those bulbs as well.  Loser.

Spinning Rims

Remember these?  I wish I didn’t, but some people still rock them.  Spinning rims are the equivalent of wearing Ed Hardy tees.  They lasted a little while, but anyone caught sporting them after their time is automatically a douchebag.

Installing HIDs on Your Non-HID headlights

Ever see a Lexus or BMW with those bright, crystal colored headlights that seem to turn night into day?  Me too, they look pretty awesome.  Now, have you ever been blinded by them?  Not likely, since they were manufactured in a manner that makes them work correctly.  But, have you ever been blinded by the same colored lights on a civic or mustang?  Yes you have.  Wanna know why?  Because that douchy dude got on ebay, bought the cheapest HID bulbs and ballasts he could find, and slapped them in his headlight housing.  Since his headlights were made for halogen bulbs and not HID, the aim of the light is off, and everyone driving in the opposite direction of him is blinded.

But hey, at least he got the 16 year old girl he was waiting outside the highschool for.  Damn pedophile.

Fender Grills

Either Buick or Oldsmobile come with them from the factory, I can’t remember which.  It doesn’t look cool on those cars, so why would your 1998 Monte Carlo look any different?  But that’s not all folks.  The funniest part is that the amount of holes is meant to match the amount of cylinders, so if it’s a 6 cylinder engine, there would be 3 grill holes on each side.  Apparently people don’t realize that, because it’s funny to see 6 holes on a civic, and even funnier to see only 4 holes on a suburban.

“I’ll just slap some of these side grills on my old piece of junk, that’ll make it awesome, right?!”

Bass It Up

“Beatin down yo block knockin pictures off ya wall.”  Ok so you’ve spent 3k on your new car and you are determined to make it awesome.  How?  By going to the flea market and buying the biggest subwoofer you can afford with the $200 in your pocket.  So you get your sub and amp, install it, and then wow.  It basses so hard!  You are now the awesomest dude you know.  Except that you can’t hear the music anymore, because the bass drowns out the speakers in your car.  That’s ok, because everyone else around you can hear the bass, and they know you’re cool, right? Wrong.
Well there you have it folks, the stupidest things you can do to make your car “awesome” right now.  I’m sure I’ve inspired some of you to do even gayer things to your car, so that you may appear on my next blog post.  Go forth and douche it up!

It’s an interesting time for me right now.  I’m in a place where everything is going extremely well.  I’ve been blessed with a great, stimulating job, a nice home, a beautiful fiance (who I’ll be marrying in less than 90 days), and now, a new (used) car.  My weekends are filled with meeting my wedding designers (who have chosen some insane looking flowers, if you’re invited to the wedding you’ll see), meeting with my best friend/brother-in-law-to-be/business partner to discuss the progress of our 15 different businesses, spending time with my beautiful bride-to-be, and just driving.  Oh how I love driving.

So the wedding… this event is going to be fantastic.  Not just for me, but for everyone there.  We’ve designed a very avant garde Caribbean themed wedding, right down to the flowers and napkins.  It’s going to be a very innovative look, and we think it will reflect both our desire for reflection of self as well as our artistic creativity.  Plus it’s just going to be fun to look at.  You’re in for a treat, I assure you.

Then there is the tons of different business ideas that my buddy and I continue to think up and pursue.  We have more ideas than we know what to do with.  We are having a lot of fun planning out these first ideas and implementing them, and regardless of their profitability, it’s going to be fun just to learn the process and to continue with new ideas.  There’s a lot in the works as far as this goes.

Finally, my new car.  It’s a 2000 BMW 328ci.  New to me, used a bit.  I didn’t realize how much I was missing (as far as enjoying driving) with my clunker.  It’s like the roads I’m driving aren’t even the same roads that my piece of junk drove over in the months prior to my purchase.  If you haven’t driven a BMW, I can’t really even describe to you what you are missing.  Just know that if you really enjoy feeling the road when you drive, being completely connected to the drive, and mastering the machine you are in, BMW is the car for you.  It won’t be the smoothest ride you’ve ever driven (get a Lexus for that), but it makes every drive enjoyable.  Plus I got a great deal on it (purchased from family!).

In the coming months, many things will change for me.  I’ll be married, living with my wife (instead of alone), I’ll take my first international trip, I’ll start graduate school, and I’ll be moving from right outside of Houston into the heart of it.  I can feel each day as a transition from childhood to adulthood.  I’m a little scared, but I’m optimistic.  I think I’m going to be good at this whole “life” situation.  I kind of like it!

My next problem to solve is community.  I need to become a more active member of my society, and I need to start doing all of the great things for humanity that I’ve been dreaming of my young life.  It’s time to become the hero that I always dreamed about.  I’ll set the example, and those of you who are ready will help me pave the way for the next generation.  The climb up the side of this mountain starts today.  I’ll see you at the top!

In case you haven’t been keeping up, I’m basically a web guru.  So far I’ve been using my talents for fun and to help friends and family with their web endeavors.  But I’ve decided it’s time to start profiting off of these talents.  With that in mind, I’ve decided to make millions of dollars online, building websites, creating products, and making mad profits off of different trends.

Without going into details, I’ll say that I’m keeping my eyes on new trends, creating products that relate to said trends, building store front websites, and waiting for the mountains of cash to start rolling in.  Now I know it won’t be easy.  I expect to only make a few million in the first couple of days.  But once we get over the starting period, I foresee gangsta cash comin my way.

One of the businesses that I will be starting is blog and website design, development, and hosting.  If you’ve seen any of my websites (twentieslife, brainvault, etc) you know I’m legit.  Well, I’d like to extend those amazing talents to you, for the right price of course.  I’ll be creating a website for my web design/developing, but if you’d like to jump on these mad skills before I start the business (to help me build a portfolio), I’ll offer you my amazing deal:

1 Website, with a blog and up to 4 other pages (you can add more later), for $100 (if you use the host I recommend).

This super amazing deal isn’t going to last long, so jump on the opportunity, and get set up with your own legit site for much less than the going rate.  It’s a brutal world out there, and people will take you for every dollar you’ve got (some web developers are professional hustlers).  Me, I’m only taking you for $100, and I’ll give you the website you’ve always wanted, except way better, cause my ideas are so much cooler than yours.  Seriously though, give me all your money, you won’t regret it.

If you are interested in this deal, click Contact and let’s discuss details.

Here are the things that I will do for charity this month.  This month’s charity money will go to aid one of the recent earthquakes, Taiwan, Japan, or Chile.

Platinum Option – ($25+) – A Skype or Email interview.  I’ll answer ANY question you ask, with honesty and full disclosure.  You can ask anything you want, things personal, vulgar, sensitive, ANYTHING.   If you are clever in your questioning, you could find out some very interesting things about me, things that very few people, if any, know.  ($5 per question, a minimum of 5 questions.)

Gold Option – $10 – I’ll Give you 5 days worth of advice that will change your life (via email).

Silver Option – $5 – I’ll Send you sexually explicit text messages for 10 days in a row (back by popular demand).

Leave a comment below choosing your option.  Use a valid email address and I’ll respond in a timely manner.  Cheers to charity!

I am sitting in my office.  But in a much (seemingly) realer sense I’m thousands of miles away.  I’m sitting in a cave made of crystal.  A fortress of solitude, so to speak.   Actually it’s Superman’s fortress of solitude, so I hope he doesn’t show up any time soon.  I’d build my own, but his is so much cooler.  It is a little cold though.  And he should get a rug, because the floor is solid ice.  And there is this old dude, who claims to be my father, telling me how I should respect the humans, and that I was sent here to protect them, and bla bla bla, leave me alone gramps, I’m trying to do some thinking here!

Reality, it’s a fickle creature.  It means so many different things to so many different people, and yet each person’s reality holds the same amount of weight.  Actually, each person’s reality is more valid than every other person’s reality if you consider the fact that we most often value our own opinion over everyone else’s.

Why are we so attached to our current beliefs?  Why do we always think we are right?  What is it about the memories that are already formed in our brains that make them more valuable (today) than the memories that we will form tomorrow?  Why do we place so much emphasis on what we know to be true?

I don’t know about you, but I learn that my beliefs were wrong, or that a greater truth exists, all the time.  I am proven wrong often, and I continue to learn.  And yet, still, I tend to believe that my current thoughts are correct, over and over.  I continue to argue with people with the (pseudo) knowledge that I know right, I know what’s best, and that you need to listen to me and adhere to what I’m saying.  It’s quite arrogant of me, wouldn’t you say (of course you would, until I said that you do the exact same thing, which would put you on the defensive, rendering this entire statement ineffective, and causing us to argue for the rest of the day… pfffffffffff.)?

So what is in us biologically that drives us to believe what we know to be true so strongly?  I used to think it was mostly men, but I realize that women feel this way just as strongly as us, it’s only recently that society deemed it fit to allow women to voice an opinion (and I’m not here to argue about women’s right, at least not now, so hold those thoughts for another day), so now we are starting to hear it from them more.

I’m in a strange place right now.  I’m about 100 days from being married, and while I want to share everything with this girl, I find that I fear losing my independence.  I imagine she feels the same.  I am really into who I am RIGHT NOW, and I don’t want that to change.  I am strong in my purpose, diligent in pursuing my goals, and enthusiastic about the man I’m becoming.  I don’t want marriage to come in and wipe it all away, leaving a shell of a man, who shops for kitchen appliances, curtains, and coffee tables and lacks passion, enthusiasm, or a spine.  Today’s Ibrahim is my favorite in a long time, and I don’t want to see him go.

I keep telling myself, “our marriage will be different” and “she understands me” and “I can still do the things that I want,” and I believe that to be true.  The only problem is what if what I want starts to shift.  What if I become content, complacent, and docile? What if I become DOMESTICATED?!?! Then what becomes of the world that I want to change?  Then what becomes of this reality, the one I hold in my mind today?  Does it die along with the passionate Ibrahim?  It there a heaven for the best of intentions, even if it is replaced by a new reality that cares little about the big things and lots about the little ones?  Can I rest my head at night knowing that the all inspired reality that I hold today has a place in history where it will be remembered?

No, no I can’t.  No it doesn’t.  Should I choose to change, and consequently lose the fiery passion that burns within (not herpes), this reality will die a slow, painful, and horrendous death.  It will not be remembered, nor will anyone even notice it’s gone.  Except me.  And I will be forever guilty for its death.

Reality is an attention whore.  Take your eyes off of her for a second and she’ll be gone, leaving you without a backbone, shopping for minivans.

Fuck minivans.

[This is the first post for my sideblog Ibrahim The Hater... enjoy!]
Here’s the news.  I’m about 120 days away from being married.  I’m excited and not very nervous at all.  But that’s not what I’ve decided to write about here.  Read on.

Married people are a bunch of losers and douchebags.  And I hate using the word douchebag, so you can imagine what I think about married people.  The interesting thing about married people is that there tend to group into a few different types of douchebaggery, and I’m going to introduce you to some of those groups today.

The Narcissistic couple -  This is one that really gets on my nerves.  There are people out there who think that just because they are married, they have become members of some sort of elite group.  All of a sudden they know so much more than me about relationships, they feel qualified to give me advice, and they are headed towards such great things in live, while somehow me not being married yet means I’m stuck.  Never mind the fact that they don’t have jobs, or have low paying jobs, are in massive amounts of debt, and haven’t gone a week without arguing, nor have they had sex in 6 months.  They’re married, and I’m not. End of story.

The into-each-other-so-much-it’s-sickening Couple -  We all know a couple or two like this:  They are the ones who have googly eyes for each other so much it makes us nauseous. They are always smiling at each other, holding hands, and kissing and such, even in the most ridiculous of occasions like church or a funeral.  Everyone else is disgusted by their public displays, but they don’t care because “they’re in love…”  Newsflash!  As soon as you stop staring and touching each other, you’ll realize how little you even like about that person and how you’re just in love with the idea of being in love.  Get over yourselves already.

The Dictatorship Couple – This is the couple that bothers me the most.  I’m a really independent guy, and so is my lovely fiance.  We do a lot of things alone, and we function great that way.  I love having my own apartment, my own set of friends, and doing my own thing when I want.  And I love spending time with her when we want to.  But here’s the problem:  For some reason, these types of couples think that once we are married, I can’t do my own thing anymore, nor will she.  Once we are married, everything is an “us” situation, instead of a “me” situation.  These dictator couples control each other so much that they project it on me, and think that this is just how things are.  Which would be fine, except that they feel a need to group me into their douchebaggeryness, and tell me that I wont be playing basketball with the guys on Saturday nights anymore “unless the wife let’s me.”  Let me just say one thing:  When it becomes a matter of “if the wife let’s me,” there won’t be a wife anymore.  Cause that’s how I roll, and you are a huge loser for giving your testicles to your wife.  I’d tell you to go ask for them back, but she’d probably just take your penis away as well…

The Public Confrontation Couple – You know, the ones who don’t mind fighting in front of you, no matter how uncomfortable the situation.  They yell and rant and rave and insult, all the while you’re just sitting there, dumbfounded as to how they could possibly not realize how insane they both are.  The worst part is that this couple also often tend to be the so-into-each-other-it’s-sickening type, when things are going well, which makes them even more annoying.  If you happen to fall into this category, you should know that nobody can stand you two as a couple, and the only reason we haven’t told you is because we don’t want to have to endure the fight that will inevitably come with said message.  Also it’s because we are slowly learning to hate you.

The Passive Aggressive Couple – Trust me, you know this couple.  I’d be willing to bet every single person on earth has a friend who is part of this couple.  These are the ones that come to you every time they have something to complain about in their relationship.  They complain and talk shit and just slander the hell out of the other person for a few hours, then go home and act like nothing happened.  The worst part about these people is that they condition you to hate their partner, and you can’t just turn that shit off when they are finally on good terms again.  Guess what?  If you’d share with your partner half the verbal vomit you spew on us, your relationship would move a lot more smoothly, or would end abruptly.  Either way is fine by us.  P.S.  Stop calling me!

The Facebook Couple – Though this couple isn’t really doing anything wrong, it’s just kinda gross.  And maybe I am being a bit hypocritical, because there have been a time or two when I fell under this category. Anyways, on to the description.  This is the couple who talks to each other so much on Facebook, leaves status updates about how in love they are and how great the other person is, and even has matching profile pictures.  Oh God how I can’t stand matching profile pictures.  And the funny thing is, when you look at the times they are writing these updates, you know they are at home and the other person is probably in the same room.  Well I have a message for you: Nobody cares, you’re gross, get a life.  And for God’s sake, and mine, please ONE of you change your profile picture.   NOT BOTH OF YOU, because you’d probably just use the same pic again.

By observing these couples over the years, I think I’ve gotten a great sense of what type of marriage I want to have.  And even if I can’t figure that out, at least I have the landmarks of a few types of crazy relationships so I know to steer clear.  Of course, with my level of insanity, I’ll probably just cook up my own type of crazy, and our relationship will be even worse than all of these combined.  One can dream, right?

So, Farah, my love, I love you so much that I hope we never become any of the types of couples described above, till death do us part.  Amen.

That’s it, I’m going to play ball… anyone wanna try and stop me?

This is the first installment Bizarre Philanthropy.  This month each option will go to a Haiti aid organization.  Let’s start things off right, shall we?

1. Platinum Option – $50 - I will write your personalized message across my chest in permanent marker, take a picture, and email it to you.
2. Gold  Option – $25 – I will photoshop your face onto someone else’s body, and make it look real. (You supply both your head and the body you want to photoshop onto, and faces must be facing same direction. P.S. nudity is a plus!)
3. Silver Option – $10 – I will text message you very naughty text messages each day for 5 days straight.

There you have it folks.  I’m willing to do some pretty strange things to help out a charitable organization.  Are you?  Leave a comment below or contact me with details.

Also, if you have a good idea for things to do next month, Let me know here.

Greetings lurkers.  Welcome to the new and improved IbrahimHusain.com.  I’ve totally revamped the site, and decided that rather than choosing between making this site either a personal or a business website, I’m just going to do both.  To those looking to be entertained, you’ll probably want to skip the “Down To Business” section.  To potential business associates or future employers, don’t judge me based on the “Let’s Get Personal” section.  It’s not for you.

So today starts a new era at IbrahimHusain.com.  Let me introduce you to a few new features that you will see coming soon here.  First off, there’s the  a projects list, which will encompass many of my projects, both online and off, with my short description on why they are interesting to me or what I accomplished with each.  Hire Me will encompass all of the different things you can pay me to do that I can do well.  And by well I mean super awesome, so good you’ll slap your momma! I don’t really know why people say that… but I digress.

Writing is pretty self-explanatory.  I do a lot of writing, have personally published over 250 articles online, and like to showcase the things that I am really proud of.  Mom, I hope your proud of me too!  I’m a big boy now.  Check out the writing list to get an idea of what I’m all about, since I only write about things that interest me.

Artwork is a collection of all sorts of different graphical design and manipulation I do.  I don’t generally do this stuff for pay, it’s more of a hobby, but if you are willing to pay me for a project I will gladly take your money and make you the best damn digital piece of art I’ve ever deemed awesome!  That’s right, I decide what’s awesome, and the work that I do for you will be just that.

Experience is just that, my experience.  It will be mostly a professional recollection of the things that I’ve accomplished that are worth noting.  Think of it as an online resume.  Or don’t think of it at all.  Either way, it’s pretty much the greatest online resume around these parts.

Next we have the Vision and the Life List.  The vision will be my personal mission statement and visionary goal for my life.  It will encompass all that I hope to accomplish with my life and will be my life motto.  The Life List is a bucket list of sorts.  This will include all the things I want to accomplish before I kick the bucket.  I plan on blogging about each thing on the list as I complete it.

Then we have the F.A.Q. The F.A.Q. is basically a list of questions you never thought to ask but will be glad to know upon reading… probably.  Actually, you probably don’t care, nor should you, but I’m narcissistic enough to think you would care, so there we have it.

Ibrahim The Hater is going to be a really fun section of the website.  Basically, Ibrahim The Hater will be a place for me to rant and rave about all the things that have me disgruntled.  I’ve been called a hater by many of my friends and I’ve decided to embrace it.  Ibrahim The Hater is the love child of my love for writing and my hate for everything else.

Bizarre Philanthropy is a stolen idea with a twist.  I found on a friend’s blog “Shit I’ll do for money” and she came up with some pretty hilarious things, so I decided to do the same, except for charity.  I’m always looking for different ways to help out charitable organizations and this is just one of the fun outlets that I will use to help.  Paypal only homies!

That’s all for now, but there will be plenty more coming in the future, so keep coming back to IbrahimHusain to be dazzled, bamboozled, entertained, and embarrassed at the fact that you’ve got nothing better to do than check out some dude’s website, as awesome as it may be!

Tell your friends!

-IH

TwentiesLife.com is my newest project.  It is going to be an online magazine that gives twenty-somethings tips on creating the type of lifestyle they only dream of.  No longer will you have to wait till retirement to really start enjoying life.  We’ll show you how to start today.

The topics that will be covered at Twenties Life are vast, and not all topics will be useful to everyone, but the overall message will be useful to any young adult in any stage of life.  At the Twenties Life we will be helping you shape your present life along with your future.

So what will we be talking about? Lifestyle. Plain and simple. This covers everything from Fashion & Dress to Sex & Love, Culture & Fine Living to Health, Business & Money to News & Politics. We’ll pretty much be talking about everything that pertains to a twenty-something’s life.

Check out TwentiesLife.com now!