Well, there are a few things I’ve learned over the past few years (and continually have to remind myself), and these are very important things that have changed me and I believe have enabled me to live my life the way I do and to do all the stuff that I’ve done.

1. It is very rare to get what you don’t ask for. This applies both in business and in real life, and is very straight forward, but very profound.
2. Know your value so you know what you CAN ask for. This works very well with #1.
3. When you do ask for something, tell rather than ask. If you ask affirmatively assuming the answer is yes then it will likely be yes. If someone is put in a situation where they’re not given an option, most people will just go with the option presented to them rather than oppose it.

   Example: If you’ve already exhausted your time off allowance but want an extra week off from work and you ask the boss for it, you will most certainly get a quick “no” answer. However if you simply tell your boss that you’ve planned a week off, they’ll likely just grumble and go with it. They may resist, but in the end, they can either accept or put up a fight. If resistance is likely to be worse for them than just letting you take your trip, they’ll let you take your trip. This obviously works best if you know your value, as explained in #2 above.

   The first important point here is that when you give someone an option to say no, they will often say no. Second, as already noted, even if you cause the askee a reasonable amount of discomfort with your request, if the alternative is worse, they’ll just go with it. Often the outcome of resisting is worse than just giving in. Obviously there is a little bit of psychological manipulation here, but weigh the options, would you rather get what you want or not? Also be aware of this strategy being employed against you!

4. Most people’s limits are self imposed. Think about things you would like to do or wish you could do, and think seriously for a moment about what is preventing you from doing them. Is it your employer, your spouse, your friends or some other imposing force? Or is it you, making assumptions about what is acceptable and what is not, before you even try? Often times all it takes is deciding what you want and taking action, when you do this you will realize that there is no limiting force stopping you, and that most of the rules you think are stopping you really are not.

   I am not immune to this. We all have self imposed rules or limits, but to know that all it takes is some action is very powerful.

I am a very modest person and always try my best not to offend people, rock the boat, or ask for special privileges. But over time I have seen people get benefits that I was not getting, and realized that it was simply because they were asking and I was not. I’ve always been pretty fortunate, but since employing these simple strategies over the past few years I’ve seen my pay increase considerably, have taken more vacations than would typically be allowed, and overall feel that I am more control of my life than I used to be.

None of this comes from a place of arrogance, and I should stress that it is important to note that having a solid grasp on your value and requesting things within reason is very different from making irrational demands and assuming that you are indispensable. But overall, often all it takes to do something is simply taking action.

I’ll end with what I think is a very appropriate Ayn Rand quote:

The question isn’t who is going to let me; it’s who is going to stop me.

No related posts.

Beach in Isla Mujeres, Mexico

It’s been another fun and busy year, so now that we’re full steam ahead into 2013, it’s time to recap and reflect on 2012. A lot has happened over the past year, and I also managed to have quite a bit of fun.

Reflecting
When I stop and reflect, I’m really thankful for how well I live. Every now and then I get down on myself because there is still so much I want to accomplish and because I have personal goals that have remained unmet, but when I put things into perspective I’ve still got it pretty good.

Even though I’d love to work less and travel more, I managed to keep a pretty good balance between my home and personal life and my work life. I managed to tackle a lot of home improvement projects, while also keeping time open for travelling and having fun. And at work I’ve continued to keep everyone happy, while maintaining some of the freedom and flexibility I’ve pushed for over the past few years. And even though it’s come at the cost of some of my free time, I decided to take on side consulting projects, which has definitely helped financially, enabling both me and my fiance to continue to have fun and travel while still saving and planning for our future together.

The Year in Review
Anyway, let’s get to the year in review. We really kicked 2012 off in a pretty epic way, with New Year’s Eve in Costa Rica, where we stayed until the second week of January. Since then, here’s what happened:

• January – Ran my 2nd half marathon
• Feb/Mar – Went to Florida for a wedding, where we stayed for a week exploring Key West, Ft Lauderdale and Miami
• April – GOT ENGAGED!
• June – A long weekend in Connecticut for a wedding and visiting family
• August – Our annual long weekend in Las Vegas
• September – Five awesome days in Maui
• Dec/Jan – A week at the AMAZING Le Blanc Resort in Cancun for New Year’s

And in between all that there were concerts, camping trips, other assorted day trips, and oh yea, work!

Looking Forward
I see 2013 as a transition year. With the wedding approaching, my fiance and I plan to be more modest about our travelling and our spending. The next few months will likely be consumed with wedding conversations and decisions, and staying home more often will certainly help us stash some much needed cash for the big day.

After the wedding, there is of course the honeymoon, and from there I think it’ll be a great point to assess the direction we want our life to go together, and to make some decisions about the best way to do that.

Wrapping up, 2012 was a great year, I think everyone is still happy and I was able to do a lot of awesome stuff. Looking forward to a great 2013!

How was your year?

Related posts:

1. Some news and a look into the future
2. New Year’s Resolutions
3. Shantaram – Gregory David Roberts – Book Review

I made it through the rest of Day 5 on just juice, then Day 6 just juice, and decided that after juice all day on Day 7 I would end my fast, at least for a few days, but will probably keep doing juice for a few meals. It’s not been that difficult to do this, but I’m ready to get back to eating.

Day 5

Morning
Smoothie – 1 grapefruit and 2 oranges juiced, blended with 2 bananas and cherries
Lunch – 2 young coconut water, one which I blended with the meat and 2 bananas
Evening – apple, beet
Night – apple and cinnamon

Day 6

Morning
cucumber, celery, green apple, ginger, spinach

Afternoon
apple, cranberries, grape & beet

Dinner
Tomato, spinach, celery, cucumber, parsley, carrot
Watermelon, mint, lime
Young coconut water and half a pineapple

Day 7

Breakfast
5 oranges 2 grapefruit 1 lemon

Lunch
1 cantaloupe 1 sweet potato

Dinner
Broke fast with fresh salad and some carrots celery and a few crackers

Related posts:

1. Juice Fast – Days 2 & 3
2. Five day juice fast
3. A Renewed Focus on Raw Foods

Morning
smoothie – juice of 1 grapefruit and 2 oranges blended with 2 bananas

Afternoon
juice – 5 carrots, 2 apples, 1/2 golden beet
juice – 1 cucumber, 4 stalks celery, 2 apples, 1/2 bell pepper, 1/2 lemon, bunch parsley/spinach/kale

Evening
juice – 2 carrots, 2 stalks celery, 1 cucumber, 1/2 red beet and beet greens, bunch parsley, clove garlic
juice – 1/2 small watermelon, handful mint, 1/2 lemon

Related posts:

1. Juice Fast – Days 2 & 3
2. Five day juice fast
3. Organic whole foods diet and reduced hunger pangs

On the 2nd night I slept hard, close to nine hours and woke up sore and groggy. I’m hoping tonight is better.

The only other thing that’s hard is that at home, eating is sort of a ritual for me and my fiance, when we are both home we typically make dinner together and spend time talking or enjoying some TV, so it’s not even the eating that’s missing, it’s just the evening ritual we share together.

I noted in the last post that I’m not set on being rigid, so there have been times while I’m prepping the juices that I’ll munch on a piece of apple or cucumber. I see that mostly as a technicality, and not something that will change the outcome of this fast, so I’m not overly concerned. Late evenings on both day 1 & 2 I’ve also snuck a date or fig or two to snack on, again, I don’t see that as sabotaging the overall thing I’m trying to achieve here. I’m a little disappointed that it’s so hard to resist, but a tiny snack like one medjool date isn’t going to mess things up.

That said, here is what I’ve consumed the past two days.

Day 2

Morning
Glass of water w/ Psyllium & Bentonite clay mixture
Smoothie – 4 oranges juiced, then blended with 1 Banana and cherries

Afternoon
Juice – 5 Carrots, 1 apple, ginger, cranberries
Juice – 1 carrot, 1 cucumber, 1 granny smith apple, 3 stalks celery, 1/2 lemon, handful spinach

Evening
Juice – 1/2 small seedless watermelon
Juice – 2 apples, 2 kiwi, bunch grape, cranberries

Day 3

Morning
Glass of water w/ Psyllium & Bentonite clay mixture
Smoothie – 3 Oranges juiced, 1 Banana, cherries

Afternoon
Juice – 3 carrots, 2 apples, 1/2 red beet, handful spinach & kale
Juice – 1 cucumber, 1 granny smith apple, 3 stalks celery, 1 stalk fennel, 1/2 lemon, ginger

Evening
Juice – 1/2 small seedless watermelon juiced with 1 lime and handful mint
Juice – 3 apples, 1 carrot, handful cranberries and topped with cinnamon (for some holiday zest while putting up the christmas tree!)
Juice – 2 tomatoes, 1 cucumber, 1/2 golden beet, small bunch spinach, 2 stalks green onion, 1/2 green pepper, tiny bit turmeric root

Related posts:

1. Juice Fast Days 5, 6, 7
2. Five day juice fast
3. A Renewed Focus on Raw Foods

I’ve done extended raw food cleanses in the past, and have experimented with months of no dairy and no meat, and even months here and there of mostly vegan eating. But I’ve learned that food plays too critical of a place in my life to be rigid about how I eat. I know about the slippery slope of allowing cheats here and there when you’re trying to stay on a path, but I have found through all of my food experimentation that for me what works best is the middle path.

So yesterday I started with a glass of water, psyllium husk and bentonite clay just to get a good jump start on the detoxing, and followed it with a banana/orange/kale/cherry smoothie an hour later. I know juicing is about getting the fiber out of the juice, but I start every day with a smoothie like this so it’s part of a familiar routine, and I don’t see that having green smoothie and a little fiber as part of my juice fast is a bad thing, in fact I hope that it will expedite the cleansing.

To prep for the day at work I made two large juices; one with 6 carrots, 1 apple, ginger, and a handful of cranberries, and the other cucumber, celery, spinach, granny smith apple and some lemon. When I got home I decided to eat a small salad of just lettuce, tomato and some fresh herbs just to feel like I “ate” and then had an orange juice and banana smoothie before bed.

I guess I’ve been drinking too much coffee lately since at about 3PM I got hit with a terrible headache, so I made a small cup of coffee just to see if it would take the edge off, which it did immediately. If I was home I probably would have just pushed through it, but sitting at the computer at work with a throbbing head wasn’t appealing. I still hope to wean off coffee for the rest of the week, and I suspect today and tomorrow will be easier for me.

Related posts:

1. Juice Fast Days 5, 6, 7
2. Juice Fast – Days 2 & 3
3. A Renewed Focus on Raw Foods

While we both love living in San Diego and really appreciate the comforts of home, we also share a real sense for adventure and living life to the fullest. And though we have the itch for some bigger and better things in the future, for the time being we’re just buckling down, working hard, saving money, and making sure to enjoy all the planning that we’ll be doing in preparation for the big day. I won’t go into much more detail right now, other than to say we’ve got a lot of ideas and directions we’d like to explore in all aspects of our lives; personally, professionally and otherwise. We’ve got some plans for travel and also some business ideas that we want to explore, but we’re trying not to take too much on while we’ve got our wedding to plan.

We will try to use our wedding as a clean slate though, so to speak, and will likely leap into the next phase of our life once all the celebrating is done. Even though we’ll be nose to the grindstone for the next year, I’ll continue to be updating the site here, and I hope that you’ll continue to keep reading, and will be around to see what awaits on the horizon.

Related posts:

1. Personal development and positive energy
2. Time flies when you’re having fun
3. Why I prefer having few friends

A sample of what I was eating

Just recently I again finished a 21 Day Raw Food Cleanse with Jinjee at the Garden Diet. If you’ve been a regular reader, you know I had also done it last year as well. While challenging in different ways each time, I’ve equally enjoyed it each time. Last year, I felt I lost too much weight, so this time I allowed myself a little more freedom, using the recipes as a general guide but supplementing where I saw fit.

I also decided to not be as strict about it this year, so there were probably 2 or 3 meals during the 3 weeks where I did eat cooked food. But I’m not so into the extremes of it where everything entering my body has to be raw, and I believe that similar benefits can and will still be realized while not being limited to eating 100% raw fruits, vegetables and nuts. The two most pronounced changes this year were a quick drop of about 10 pounds, same as last year (but because I supplemented more I never went below this, unlike last time), and a short, temporary increased craving for all sorts of cooked food, but then a balancing out where my body was responding well to the raw recipes and feeling satisfied by them.

And what was different this year is that I’ve continued eating mostly raw since I completed the cleanse. And I think by doing so, I’m continuing to realize more benefit, evne though I haven’t been as strict. I just mentioned how my body started becoming more satisfied by the raw meals, and now any need or insatiable desire to eat has pretty much disappeared. Cravings are mostly gone, and I just make juices, smoothies, or my meals when I feel like eating. Somewhat counterintuitively, I think it’s been easier for me to continue down this path because I haven’t been being as strict. I’m trying to stay healthy, fresh and raw, but not feeling guilty or let down if I decide to indulge.

Also interestingly, especially in the last week, I’ve found myself going until 3 or 4 in the afternoon without eating any solid food. I make sure to load up my nutrients by making fresh juices and smoothies, but it’s incredible to get up in the morning and not have a hunger pang until 4 in the afternoon. There’s just no real desire or craving to eat a huge breakfast. And even by afternoon it’s not like I’m starving, it’s just my body saying “Hey man, let’s eat something a little more exciting, let’s have a meal.”

So what does a typical day of eating for me look like in this past week since the cleanse has ended?

One or two glasses of filtered water upon waking up. Between 10 and 12 either a big glass of fresh watermelon or apple juice, or some version of a green smoothie or a bowl of fruit. Early afternoon I might have another fruit juice, or maybe a glass of green juice, or even some almond milk which I make fresh with almonds and water and actually add some young coconut meat or banana to for a little more fun. Mid afternoon I usually go to the greens; something like a sprout salad with avocado, kale salad, or one of the killer fresh slaws my fiance makes in bulk. Evenings have been usually more greens, similar to lunch but maybe in more quantity, and then if craving desert maybe some fruit or something nut based, like raw brownies (YUM).

We’ve added steamed veggies and quinoa into the rotation lately, and last night I have to admit we indulged with homemade burritos. Fresh cooked organic pinto beans, organic white rice with saffron, and a healthy dose of avo and homemade salsa, wrapped in a sprouted whole grain tortilla. That is probably the most gluttonous meal we’ve eaten and damn was it good, without any of the post meal slump or tiredness.

Truthfully, while I like the idea of raw eating and I believe in it as a healing, detoxifying diet, it’s not my goal to be 100% raw, I just love all food too much. And for me, I think that I am actually able to eat better and stick to eating raw, fresh foods a higher percentage of the time by allowing cheats like last night. I also just recently learned that Ani Phyo, who is the well known author of many raw food “cookbooks”, actually does drink alcohol. Well, she didn’t outright say it, but her recipe book I’m reading has cocktail recipes that include wine, so I assume she indulges.

So, as I’m learning, it’s not about being needing to go to extremes, it’s about moderation and being comfortable and doing what works for you. Every thing you do as a positive step is one step in the right direction.

Related posts:

1. Organic whole foods diet and reduced hunger pangs
2. Juice Fast Days 5, 6, 7
3. 21 Day Raw Food Cleanse

It was a long journey to get there, but in the end was a great success. I first wrote about my barefoot quest a couple years ago after reading the book Born to Run, and posted a few updates along the way.

The first 6 months or so of minimalist running showed significant progress, at which point I sort of tapered off. When I started pushing myself, I think I went too hard and injured my calf, which kept my distance low for a while. After over a year of just sticking to low miles, I decided that if I really wanted to up my distance I needed a goal, so I signed up for the Carlsbad Half Marathon.

For the 3 or 4 months leading up to the race, I actually only ran 2-3 days per week. During the week I did one or two 3-5 mile runs, and each Sunday I did my long run, with 11 miles being the most miles I actually ran prior to the race. (4 weeks prior, for the remainder of the time I was out of the country and only ran once, but that’s another story!)

On race day I went slow and steady the entire time, and finished with a time of 2:03 which was better than the time of my only other race 5 years prior. The amazing thing is I ran the 2nd half of the race 10 minutes faster than the 1st half, which means I had too much reserve at the end and probably didn’t push enough the entire time. During the final few miles the bottoms of my feet were quite sore after all the pounding on the pavement, but in the end all was well. No blisters, no pain, just some good old fashioned tiredness.

People are always curious about running in Vibram Five Fingers, and I won’t say it’s been life changing for me, but it’s definitely improved my running. Running is more fun now, I have less pain and soreness, better recovery, better form, more awareness and connection to the ground and the surface I run on, and of course it’s been a fun challenge! My advice is that if you already run fine, don’t change anything, but if you need a change, give Vibrams or barefooting a shot. Just start out slow and easy, and of course have fun!

Related posts:

1. This weeks barefoot running update
2. NPR Segment – Humans Were Born To Run Barefoot
3. Barefoot running progress report

Smather’s Beach, Key West

It’s starting to seem like visits to the tropics are becoming regular occurrences, and I certainly can’t complain about that! After 3 weeks in Costa Rica over the holidays, we recently returned from a week in South Florida. A cousin got married in Miami, and while normally these wedding jaunts back East are whirlwind travels, this time we decided to take our time and spend 6 nights there; 3 in the Keys, and 3 in Fort Lauderdale. [Note: weddings or other family gatherings are perfect events to turn into mini vacations!]

We flew into Miami on a red eye, picked up our rental car, and headed south to the Florida Keys, destination Key West, southernmost point in the Continental US. This drive through the Keys is one that I’ve been looking forward to for years, so having an excuse to head to south Florida made this side trip a no-brainer. The drive ended up taking close to four hours, but with the breathtaking tropical blue water visible on both sides for most of the ride, there were no complaints. (If renting a car beware of the cashless tolls in and around Miami.) Some highlights of the drive were the 7 mile bridge (really, I checked the odometer) and a quick detour through No Name Key near Big Pine to see the Key Deer.

The weather in the Keys this time of year is perfect, it was in the low to mid 80s every day in Key West, and I doubt it ever went below 75, even at night. We stayed in shorts and t-shirts the entire time. A nice spring getaway, even from San Diego! While there, we didn’t do a whole lot other than eat and relax. Each day we spent a few hours napping and reading on Smathers Beach, one of the few places around Key West where there is actually decent sand. Side note: A lot of people picture beaches everywhere in the Keys. Not true, since the Keys are mostly reef, there are actually very few beaches for sunbathing and swimming.

On a previous trip I had been to the Ernest Hemingway house, so we passed on that, but we did go the the Ripley’s Believe it or Not! museum on Duval Street. Though we didn’t end up touring the Hemingway House, we did check out the drinking establishments which he made famous, Sloppy Joes and Captain Tony’s (the original Sloppy Joes). We spent one evening at Mallory Square for the sunset celebration and to watch the performers; definitely a must do if you visit. Most of the other highlights revolved around eating: El Siboney for Cuban food (per recommendation of a local at Sloppy Joes), Blue Heaven for a very nice (and expensive!) dinner, and Havana 1 for more Cuban food. Cough, cough, a trip to the real Havana may have to go onto our list…

So after three days in Key West it was time to head north towards Miami and Ft Lauderdale for the wedding; the main reason we were in Florida. I ambitiously thought we’d be able to do the drive back to Lauderdale and still be able to hit Miami for lunch and a few hours at South Beach, but a late start and traffic through the Keys and into Miami gave me a quick reality check. We still detoured through Miami for more Cuban food, this time to Cafe Versailles which came to us yet again by recommendation. Unfortunately we never made it to South Beach, so that will have to wait for another time.

Of the remaining 3 days, we spent much of it visiting with family around the hotel. We got to have the rehearsal dinner right on the beach in Ft Lauderdale, and the wedding was on Jungle Island in Miami, which we shared with the exotic animals that lived there, including monkeys, baboons, parrots, macaws, crocodiles, flamingos, tigers, and even several ligers!

As expected, it was a great trip with a good mix of fun and family. And remember, next time you attend a wedding, be sure to turn it into a mini vacation!

>> See all photos from Florida and Key West <<

Related posts:

1. Tis the Season … to be Busy
2. Saying goodbye Koh Phangan and heading west to Krabi and the island of Koh Phi Phi
3. Time flies when you’re having fun