pegasus horse cake.

blog no longer

2006-06-25T19:56:00.000+01:00

i noticed this site is still getting visitors despite being inactive for ages, so just to be sure:

paper sparrow is my new site.

i will not be posting here anymore, so change your blogrolls/link lists/etc.

new site (still working)

2006-06-07T03:27:00.000+01:00

paper sparrow

also, t-shirts are on sale!

break-up, shmeak-up. kelly clarkson was right!

2006-05-12T01:25:00.000+01:00

almost 2 weeks to go, kids. 2 weeks. then i shall be a proto-design graduate for a month. i might make it to the end of year show in london this june (the lady that gave a portfolio advice seminar said i had to display my stuff in the west end).

also (the main point of this reluctant post): the new site is on the move - i just got the domain. it feels like my very own brand new apartment, with an amazing day-long visit to ikea to follow (and i get to go on all the kiddie hammocks and hanging chairs and crawl through the tents as per usual).

along with the new place, i will start screenprinting shirts on demand for selling purposes.
they are:
1. deery me
2. oakeydoke (f)
3. oakeydoke (m)
4. tweet twig
5. skinny beech
6. one stag army
7. hidden
8. birdie

now, back to work.

2006-05-04T04:40:00.000+01:00

*** update!

this blog will be closing shortly.
why? because i am shedding the idle decaf activist skin and will be starting a new one, once the hiatus/absolute concentration on final project work concludes.
knock on my door if you want the new url, and i will send it to you once it's ready to go:
papersparrow at googlemail dot com

2006-05-02T19:09:00.000+01:00

i'm going to have an emo cloud over me for a while.
it's on a string tied to my index finger.
my self esteem has been critically damaged by a demolition ball and i'm attempting to nurse it.
i need some time out from everything.

thank you for your patience.
see you.

ps. flickr is excluded from the hiatus.

of septic relationships: sometimes amputation is best.

2006-05-01T22:13:00.000+01:00

i was surprised at the detection of a smile that had ventured onto my lips when i took my keys out to open the front door. on my way back home, i had undone my ponytail, my pace had picked up from lethargic foot-dragging to energetic strides.
i had been left with an inmense empty space in my mind, all the worry and doubts and frustration had been flushed away. i wondered what to do with it. i was reassured.
with a look in the mirror in the entrance, i checked it was really me and not someone else. i felt out of synch with the mascara smudges. i promptly cleaned them.
there is closure. there is release.

but if i am so relieved, why do i curl up and hurt so bad?

(now i'm angry. now i'm sad. now i'm laughing. now i'm crying.)

they kick you when you're already down.

2006-04-29T22:58:00.000+01:00

on my way back home, some guy shouted from a car passing by:
'yoooou'renotfiiiiit!'
well up yours, pallie.

sniffles.

yes, this is true and accurate.

2006-04-27T18:37:00.000+01:00

Find your own pose!

ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow owie.

2006-04-26T22:57:00.000+01:00

dammit, jim!

2006-04-25T13:51:00.000+01:00

a little morale booster i found during a game.

oh yeah. and today i got a (generous) lift to the apple people here in maidstone. they have confirmed the impending death of my ipod, only four months after the warranty expired. which is why i won't get a free replacement.

r.i.p. ipequeñita.

(i hate apple now. so much. you don't expect something that cost you almost 400 pounds to die on you after a year.)

a friend and i went to utrecht.

2006-04-21T10:18:00.000+01:00

and found proof that uniforms are made of 80% pheromones.
15% rayon.
5% cotton.

my friend also managed to take pictures of me in mid-sentence and blinking.
that i will not show. it would be embarrassing. she took a whole lot of other pictures.

and then a tree grew out of my camera and attacked the lamp post and the houses.

part II & III

2006-04-20T12:33:00.000+01:00

this is small paul. or was. he is now tall paul.

i am so stressed out with the application preparations. i am sending it today. portfolio and all. wish me luck, alsublieft.

i am now a teen movie archetype

2006-04-18T21:06:00.000+01:00

one of my bro's msn coversations today.

Ivan Milk / "Once you pop, you just can't stop!" - Oscar Wilde says:

germaaaan

Ivan Milk / "Once you pop, you just can't stop!" - Oscar Wilde says:

weeeeeehoooo

RedHerman says:

What is it?

Ivan Milk / "Once you pop, you just can't stop!" - Oscar Wilde says:

is your sister still here?

RedHerman says:

My, according to you, hot sister is here.

Ivan Milk / "Once you pop, you just can't stop!" - Oscar Wilde says:

does she like younger boys?

RedHerman says:

Her BF (Notice I use BF... an acronym!!!!1111) is 6 months younger than her.

Ivan Milk / "Once you pop, you just can't stop!" - Oscar Wilde says:

ask ask

Ivan Milk / "Once you pop, you just can't stop!" - Oscar Wilde says:

well shes like 23 yes?

RedHerman says:

Ivan Milk / "Once you pop, you just can't stop!" - Oscar Wilde says:

does she like guys that are saaaaay 5 years younger?

RedHerman says:

I'm not quite certain she's a pedophile.

Ivan Milk / "Once you pop, you just can't stop!" - Oscar Wilde says:

ask her

RedHerman says:

She is NOT a pedophile.

Ivan Milk / "Once you pop, you just can't stop!" - Oscar Wilde says:

thats what she said?

Ivan Milk / "Once you pop, you just can't stop!" - Oscar Wilde says:

HAHAHAHAH

RedHerman says:

No, she said only Daniel Radcliffe.

Ivan Milk / "Once you pop, you just can't stop!" - Oscar Wilde says:

daniel radcliffe???

Ivan Milk / "Once you pop, you just can't stop!" - Oscar Wilde says:

TO THE INTERNET!

Ivan Milk / "Once you pop, you just can't stop!" - Oscar Wilde says:

HARRY POTTER?!?!?

Ivan Milk / "Once you pop, you just can't stop!" - Oscar Wilde says:

harry-fucking-potter

RedHerman says:

Haven't you noticed?

RedHerman says:

Scars are sexy

Ivan Milk / "Once you pop, you just can't stop!" - Oscar Wilde says:

haha

RedHerman says:

And talent-less acting too.

RedHerman says:

Look at Orlando Bloom.

Ivan Milk / "Once you pop, you just can't stop!" - Oscar Wilde says:

yeah thats hot

Ivan Milk / "Once you pop, you just can't stop!" - Oscar Wilde says:

hahaha

Ivan Milk / "Once you pop, you just can't stop!" - Oscar Wilde says:

maybe your sister likes virgins?

Ivan Milk / "Once you pop, you just can't stop!" - Oscar Wilde says:

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

RedHerman says:

She's asking why am I asking all these questions?

Ivan Milk / "Once you pop, you just can't stop!" - Oscar Wilde says:

im like a puppy see

RedHerman says:

Yeah, I showed her a photo of you.

Ivan Milk / "Once you pop, you just can't stop!" - Oscar Wilde says:

hahahaha

RedHerman says:

Though it was the bad quality phone one.

Ivan Milk / "Once you pop, you just can't stop!" - Oscar Wilde says:

fuck

RedHerman says:

So she kind of... shall we say, was discouraged?

RedHerman says:

Not because of your beautiful face

RedHerman says:

but the quality of the phone

Ivan Milk / "Once you pop, you just can't stop!" - Oscar Wilde says:

HAHA

Ivan Milk / "Once you pop, you just can't stop!" - Oscar Wilde says:

right-o

RedHerman says:

Besides who could resist your sandbags?

Ivan Milk / "Once you pop, you just can't stop!" - Oscar Wilde says:

tell her i like the way she drew vegitas neck

RedHerman says:

Nice and thick, eh?

Ivan Milk / "Once you pop, you just can't stop!" - Oscar Wilde says:

yeah

Ivan Milk / "Once you pop, you just can't stop!" - Oscar Wilde says:

i like em that way

RedHerman says:

Ever heard of 'less is more'?

Ivan Milk / "Once you pop, you just can't stop!" - Oscar Wilde says:

ask her what type of music she likes

RedHerman says:

All types, except stupid hip-hop ganster rap and radio crap.

RedHerman says:

You're going to ask if she likes the beatles.

Ivan Milk / "Once you pop, you just can't stop!" - Oscar Wilde says:

ah good

Ivan Milk / "Once you pop, you just can't stop!" - Oscar Wilde says:

haha yeah

RedHerman says:

Right?

Ivan Milk / "Once you pop, you just can't stop!" - Oscar Wilde says:

that was EXACTLY

Ivan Milk / "Once you pop, you just can't stop!" - Oscar Wilde says:

my next question

RedHerman says:

Yes, she does like them.

Ivan Milk / "Once you pop, you just can't stop!" - Oscar Wilde says:

omg omg omg!!!

RedHerman says:

Whoopdie fucking doo

Ivan Milk / "Once you pop, you just can't stop!" - Oscar Wilde says:

ok ok ok ok

RedHerman says:

Lots of people like the beatles.

Ivan Milk / "Once you pop, you just can't stop!" - Oscar Wilde says:

tell her that she reminds me of the song "julia"

Ivan Milk / "Once you pop, you just can't stop!" - Oscar Wilde says:

by the beatles

RedHerman says:

TO SOULSEEK!

Ivan Milk / "Once you pop, you just can't stop!" - Oscar Wilde says:

yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeap

RedHerman says:

Or limewire

Ivan Milk / "Once you pop, you just can't stop!" - Oscar Wilde says:

yeah download it on limewire and play it to her

RedHerman says:

You're so romantic

RedHerman says:

omgomgomgomg

Ivan Milk / "Once you pop, you just can't stop!" - Oscar Wilde says:

listening to it?

Ivan Milk / "Once you pop, you just can't stop!" - Oscar Wilde says:

the song is beautiful

RedHerman says:

o rly?

Ivan Milk / "Once you pop, you just can't stop!" - Oscar Wilde says:

ya rly

Ivan Milk / "Once you pop, you just can't stop!" - Oscar Wilde says:

did she hear it yet?

Ivan Milk / "Once you pop, you just can't stop!" - Oscar Wilde says:

haha, what the hell am i doing?

RedHerman says:

It hasn't downloaded yet.

RedHerman says:

Why don't you send me some of your flash work?

Ivan Milk / "Once you pop, you just can't stop!" - Oscar Wilde says:

tell her that when she hears it her heart will melt

Ivan Milk / "Once you pop, you just can't stop!" - Oscar Wilde says:

thats a guarantee

RedHerman says:

Er... ok.

RedHerman says:

I must leave

Ivan Milk / "Once you pop, you just can't stop!" - Oscar Wilde says:

oh dear

RedHerman says:

I must fly to my batmobile

Ivan Milk / "Once you pop, you just can't stop!" - Oscar Wilde says:

hurry!

Ivan Milk / "Once you pop, you just can't stop!" - Oscar Wilde says:
hte penguin is loose
Ivan Milk / "Once you pop, you just can't stop!" - Oscar Wilde says:

hey what was her name again?

RedHerman says:

Iris

Ivan Milk / "Once you pop, you just can't stop!" - Oscar Wilde says:

like that part of your eye?

RedHerman says:

You've got a heart of gold

RedHerman says:

Oh nice

Ivan Milk / "Once you pop, you just can't stop!" - Oscar Wilde says:

hahahahahaha

Ivan Milk / "Once you pop, you just can't stop!" - Oscar Wilde says:

Iris

Ivan Milk / "Once you pop, you just can't stop!" - Oscar Wilde says:

is smoking hot

okiedoke.

2006-04-17T22:55:00.000+01:00

borrow.

2006-04-14T20:10:00.000+01:00

due to recent developments, i thought it was funny that i'd come across a certain paragraph in an article on relationship tips for both men and women while i was leafing through my mom's generic-lifestyle-and-fashion-magazines.

let me translate from spanish:

message for them [men]: even if you hardly notice the couple of kilograms your girlfriends have put on these last few months, women are quite different. this means they are a lot more observant of details, so that proto-beer belly isn't going to go unnoticed. also, the fact that you take care of yourselves is a symptom of you caring about what your girlriends feel and think about you. and this, guys, is simply irresistible.

... oh truth.

i get these spam e-mails from this christian carter guy, informing us ignorant femmes how it's women's fault relationships don't work. apparently he wrote an online book, which you pay for just to be told you are crap at being female. summing up his male/female liason doctrine in a metaphoric dinner: women must find the most customized and complex recipe, grow the ingredients, prepare them, cook them, set the table with an imaculate white cloth, serve them perfectly presented for their male counterpart, cut their food for them, chew it for them, and then deposit it in the man's mouth. and then aid his ingestion by massaging his throat.
carter states women must put all the effort in understing men, and not vice versa. god forbid. because we're all such insecure hysterical pms-ers who want marriages and babies two minutes after meeting a slightly attractive guy.

part I

2006-04-10T16:11:00.000+01:00

one good thing about going back to your parents' is that you get to look at your old work, and trip back to the days of... well, better days. high school days. the days when i used to be called the 'artist' of our year. the teachers said so, the yearbooks said so. that was my niche. i was proud of my niche.
in art school, you are no longer the 'artist' but an 'artist'. and when you see other 'artist' people's art, you question if you are an 'artist' at all.
of course the cold shower stunned me, and doubting my worthiness in the art and design world became routine.
no longer as half as confident as i was, no longer trying to show off my work mainly out of embarrassment, i am still trying to find my feet - and the course is nearly over.

anyway. old work. yes.

i loved the photography course we briefly did in art. we used to take the school's (really) old cameras out, scout the areas around the premises, walk into the klingendael forest, and take pictures of leaves and branches and ducks and daffodils and dogs with old ladies.

i should really go back this week.

2006-04-08T13:06:00.000+01:00

today i am flying to holland.
i will be able to eat vanilla vla tonight.
i will miss my boy.

he says: no you won't. manfriend, manfriend.

i will miss my manfriend.

why today was a good day

2006-04-07T20:05:00.000+01:00

you know when you need a haircut. you wake up one morning, and you realize your hair is grumpy and misbehaved. it has fallen awkwardly around your face for days, but today, whatever you do, it just will not comply.
i did not want my parents to see me all split endy.
so i did some legwork around town to find the most pocket-friendly hairdressers without resorting to the ultracheapcantcarelesswhatischoppedoff ones (usually i have it cut on holidays in spain so i don't have much clue of what maidstone has to offer).
i ended up at a tiny hairdressers', where they played spa ambient music and random stylists kept on offering me something to drink.
now, the best thing about getting your hair cut is the washing part. in this case...
oh oh oh. bliss.
the stylist (that's what they like to call themselves, despite being plain haircutters) used these gorgeous smelling products, i noticed a hint of orange and ginger.
oh oh oh the massage.
the warm water running down the scalp.
oh oh oh.
she actually spent an hour on me. and hour. that is the longest amount of time i've spent having my hair cut. however, there was a lot more styling than actual cutting. she liked her hairdryer. oh yes.
and her hairstraightener. especially her hairstraightener. when she pulled it out i was about to scream 'HAIRSTRAIGHTENERS ARE THE DEVIL!! THE DEVIL I SAY!!!!' and run off. but no. i remembered she had advertized some heat-damage-preventing-and-softening gunk she'd put on my hair. so i sat clenching my bag hoping for the minimum amount of protein deformity.
there was no smell of burning hair. instead, there was a slight sweet fragrance emanating from the vapor the heated plates (scarily) produced.
'do you normally use hairstraighteners on your hair?' she asked.
'not really, usually my hair flops down by itself'
and she ironed. and ironed. and ironed.
and funnily enough, despite the life and volume suckage my hair suffered, it looked good.
and i skipped back home.

freeze up the meltdown

2006-04-06T12:39:00.000+01:00

oh i knew it. i'm no griffindor or hufflepuff or slytherin. 'tis all deduction.

be sorted @ nimbo.net

of all the possible d.i.y. things: the big mouth billy bass of girliness

2006-04-05T12:34:00.000+01:00

i was really excited about switch, until i watched it, and thought
'why on earth would i want a talking photo frame for?'
and
'why would i go into so much trouble to make something so tacky??'
and
'how can i stand the oh-i'm-so-glad-you-are-here-kiss-kiss-fun-times!!!!!! attitude???'

2006-04-03T18:28:00.000+01:00

i've spent so much time in the printmaking room that a day doesn't feel right if i haven't put an apron on and gotten paint up to my elbows.
i am going to miss it so much when the year ends.

my main complaint against buying whole iceberg lettuces is that i always get the one with the agonizing bug in it. how they survive being wrapped up in plastic foil for one or two days is beyond me, but they always appear in some fold waving around their spindly little legs.
of course i'd forgotten all about it when after months of non-icebergness i bought one the other day with the complementary bug and the supplementary 'EEW'-sound-of-lettuce-splatting-against-floor.

in other news: four more days and i'm outta here!! i love dutch easters!!!

2006-04-01T10:56:00.000+01:00

deer! deer deer deer dear deery deer deeriness!

2006-03-28T21:49:00.000+01:00

he lost his cool with me, then apologized without changing the tone or volume,
'my mother is dying, and i have no patience for this'
i felt my lungs collapse
i don't think he noticed the trembling of my voice in the following sentence, or at least he didn't aknowledge it,
the conversation swayed, then returned
he said
'shame i'll be there tomorrow, but won't have time to see you, i'm flying straight back'
i didn't know what to say
what can you say
i was hurt more by his frustration and sadness
rather than the loss of a grandmother
i felt like i was losing him
he breathed audibly
i couldn't find comforting words to fill in the silent pauses, i was choking on my own tongue
how do you help a loved one without disrespecting their mourning,
with only diction,
without being insensitive,
so i backed off,
and burst into tears when i hung up the reciever.

2006-03-28T16:08:00.000+01:00

passing a flower shop a sign caught my eye, it said
iris
now i have a bunch of thin, indigo and yellow flowers in a vase

there was yet another strike at uni today, closing early, so i couldn't get more done.
tomorrow i'm hoping to make another screen continuing the birdie series, but last i checked there was only one left that was clean.

i'm preparing my application to central st. martin's - oh the impending rejection.

screenprinting tests.

2006-03-23T17:42:00.000+00:00

a few of the many:

my hands are so dry, it hurts when i stretch my fingers.
i should consider investing in some screenprinting-designated rubber gloves.