This entry was written by guest blogger, Eric Martin. Eric is a Sr. Learning Specialist with the Human Resources Team at Sauer-Danfoss, a global leader in the mobile hydraulics industry.  He serves the learning and development needs of the employees at the facility in Ames, Iowa.

The Task

Sauer-Danfoss has a strong workplace culture with a rich history of dedicated employees, a commitment to teamwork and the on-going growth and development of our employees. With locations spanning the globe, there is an intentional effort to build global and local teams by developing employees and leaders through a wide variety of learning opportunities. Our site houses a mix of local and global employees including Engineers, Production, IT, Sales and Marketing, Human Resources, Procurement and Finance.

Every two years the Ames location requires all employees to attend a mandatory training to review several of the Human Resources policies including; harassment, workplace violence, diversity and ethics. These are a fairly standard collection of HR policies found in nearly every company large or small.  In some companies, these are briefly covered in a new employee orientation session and checked off a list in the employee handbook and placed on a shelf somewhere, seemingly forgotten in the glaze of information overload and nervous energy of a new hire.  At Sauer-Danfoss we are dedicated to building a safe and positive workplace culture for all of our employees and not allowing these important aspects of policy sit in a manual on a shelf.

The Challenge

My challenge was to deliver a refresher workshop to our nearly 1000 employees in 32 sessions spread across three different shifts.  My goals were to not only to refresh their memory of these important policies but to deliver it with fresh strategies.  We all know how excited people are to engage in learning when it is a mandatory class on HR policies!  Not only did I want to keep them engaged in the learning process focused on the policies at hand; I wanted to deploy additional learning tools that would provide an opportunity to build on our existing strong and positive workplace culture.

The Solution

I was very fortunate to partner with IEE to develop a comprehensive training session that not only covered the required policy review, but also creatively wrapped several IEE culture building tools around the standard polices.  This instructional design technique provided a strategy to cover the required “what” (HR policies) and engage the learners through dialogue, discussion and reflection with the “how” and “why” (culture building and safe environment).

In a short period of time, all of our employees were talking about the importance of moral and performance character in their own role as well as the larger company goals.  Each class created a Compact for Excellence to outline our own expectations and behaviors in order to be as productive as we could while treating each other with respect and care. I encouraged our employees to use this tool in their own department meetings and planning sessions, reminding them the importance of setting intentional group norms and expectations. Perhaps the richest conversation came from the Excellence & Ethics Drivers & Preventers exercise.  Together, small groups of employees brainstormed numerous factors that contribute to, as well as detract from, a positive respectful work environment. Participants then discussed ways that they could positively influence each of these factors.  This helped to bring a HR policy into action and create personal ownership in the process. It was no longer just a standard policy but something tangible that they could individually and collectively see how they could positively impact the culture of our organization.

The Plan

I am eager to work again with IEE to integrate these positive workplace culture teaching and learning tools into other on-going courses that we teach including the new employee orientation and on-boarding programs and our leadership development curriculum.  A few of our other sites have expressed interest in bringing these tools at their location as well.  The best feedback I received during this training process was from one of our third shift leaders who contacted me a few days after the session and said, “You nailed it.  My team asked me if they could participate in more classes like this–you know you nailed it when they want MORE required training!”

The study involved significant embedded observations with the team, interviews with coaches and players, and the analysis of significant data gathered from microphones that the coaches wore in practice and games.  (Imagine that coaches—or parents or teachers—somebody recording and analyzing your every exchange! It was amazing). I remember a point when a team member contacted me very concerned because the coaches had been yelling and screaming at practice and he had great concern that would present the coaches in a bad light. You can’t be a coach dedicated to ethics and whole-person development if you scream and yell, right?  Some on our team absolutely believed that to be the case; I was not one of them. Coaching intensity is essential for high performance; I firmly believed that there was a place for yelling and displays of passion and emotion. I reserved judgment until studying the tapes and integrating it into my lived experiences with the coaches and players.

What we found was very nuanced:  coaches screaming at the whole group regarding attitude and effort; coaches exhorting players to play harder, be tougher, to do it over, to do it better; coaches harping on little details.  Like a parent disciplining a child, they almost always went to players that they had gotten after to explain further their expectations and motives for getting on them.  What was NOT part of the yelling was equally important.  They were not attacking players personally; they were not cursing; they were not denigrating them, embarrassing them or confronting them.

Coaches offered sound insight into our questions regarding the type, timing, and intent their yelling and overall motivational strategies. They could differentiate why they communicated with one player one way and another player another way. It was not indiscriminate yelling; it was not vitriolic rage and personal attack; it was differentiated instruction. They knew when to speak softly, how to comfort the player and the group, and then how to move their teaching to crescendo with effect.  As a former athlete and coach I certainly did not think the yelling was inappropriate, let alone abusive.  I absolutely felt that it represented an intensity necessary to bring out the potential for excellence in the individual players and the team. These weren’t  5-year old t-ball players; they were competitive, elite student-athletes.

In 1964, in an attempt to define pornography and obscenity, Justice Potter Stewart famously said, “I know it when I see it.”  When the video of Rutgers basketball coach, Mike Rice, went viral this week I knew abuse by a coach when I saw it.  I was not only aghast to see Rice yelling homophobic slurs at his players, kicking them, shoving them, throwing basketballs at their chests, legs, and head; I was angry as hell.  I love and defend good coaches. There’s no defense of Mike Rice’s behavior. He’s a bully and his tactics were abusive. Period.  Here are the two main criteria by which I draw this conclusion on the Rice tape, which was not my conclusion in the tapes from the basketball study discussed above.

1. Bullying involves a real or perceived imbalance of power, where the one with power attacks the less powerful or powerless.  Rice had the power: not only because he determined who would play and how much they would play, but because he held the ultimate power: the scholarship.  Complain to the assistant coach or AD and you’re done. But they could still transfer, right? Remember, we’re talking real or perceived power. No doubt the players had more power than they believed or used. (As I watched the tape I literally wanted one of the players to charge the coach and knock him on his arse!).  As in cases of domestic abuse, the belief that somebody holds power over you is real.  And really, if you believe that should you try to get out of the situation that the coach will tell the next inquiring school or coach that you’re just soft, a head-case, or not a character-guy, one can see why the players believed the coach has the power and thus endured this bully.

The powerlessness of the players in this case and in other similar is made worse by the complete and utter moral failure of the athletic director to stop the abuse.  When the AD chose to become a bystander to the abuse, he became part of the abuse. And what was the message to the players when the assistant coach brought concerns to the AD and was subsequently dismissed?  I highly doubt they thought the AD was a neutral arbitrator. Tim Pernetti is hardly the only AD who has failed to protect the student-athletes. Far too many AD’s—and frankly speaking the NCAA itself—are deeply compromised by the conflict of interest that exists between their job to protect and promote the well-being of student-athletes and their job to make lots of money off of college athletes.

High school and AAU coaches don’t stand up to these coaches because they want their players to get scholarships (and they often covet a chance to follow one of their players into the elite coaching opportunities). Parents are also often accomplices to these crimes because they are over invested and beholden to AAU and high school coaches and they choose to ignore or justify these bullying behaviors to get or keep a scholarship or to get their kid to the professional ranks.  So when you can’t trust your coach, assistant coach, AD, high school coach and AD, AAU coach or your parents I think it’s not so hard to believe that they believed they didn’t have power to stand up to Coach Rice.  My disbelief and frustration that the players didn’t just deck the coach, quickly changed to anger at those who created and sustained the reality that made this possible.

2.  Bullying usually takes two general forms:  psychological and physical.  You’ve got both on full display in the Rice video. The instruments of psychological abuse are verbal and emotional in nature. The humiliating, dehumanizing, vindictive exchanges exact a deep emotional toil. I can already hear it from “that coach” or “that parent”:  “Come on, man; these are big boys. You’re not going to tell me he hurt their feelings.”  College athletes are amazing physical beings; but they’re still essentially young adults and they’re most definitely human beings.  Years of working with athletes at all levels makes me absolutely convinced that psychological abuse is real. I’m not convinced that his tactics “did no harm”;  and I am absolutely sure they did not do “maximum good” in pursuit of excellence or whole-person development. And maybe the tape doesn’t show physical abuse, but it clearly shows physical intimidation and a persistently aggressive and hostile atmosphere which most definitely was unjust, unfair, and unhealthy.

I’ve already heard current and former coaches hedging on this case, mostly by decrying Rice’s use of homophobic slurs as always and everywhere wrong, but then claiming that you need to build relationships if you’re going to drive kids hard in pursuit of their best. Going out for pizza and a movie so you can continue your abusive practices isn’t my idea of balancing pursuit of excellence with whole-person development. This is akin to an abusive husband taking his battered wife out to dinner or on a lovely vacation. It doesn’t undo the abuse; it makes it worse by revealing the deep-seated hypocrisy and manipulation at play.  Bottom line: coaches must view student-athletes as an end, not as a means to an end.

Unfortunately, I think the type of behavior we observed from Rice is far more prevalent than most would want to admit. And, in my experience, female coaches are now often as likely to engage in these tactics as men.  Let’s be clear:  every coach who kicks over a garbage can, breaks a clipboard, throws their team out of the gym, or screams about poor execution or effort isn’t an abusive bully.  So too, every player who gets upset from constructive criticism, doesn’t like the coaches style, or a coach getting after them hasn’t necessarily been “abused.”   But we can’t simply operate under the “that which does not kill us makes us stronger” mentality of coaching. And just because your coach did it and you turned out alright doesn’t make it right either.  The ends don’t justify the means. All that motivates is not moral.

Three practical suggestions for moving forward:

 1. Develop an approach to coaching and player development that integrates the development of performance character and moral character. This idea grew out of the basketball study described above. Great coaches develop both excellence and ethics. Moral and performance character are interconnected, inseparable, dynamic forces that coaches must balance. You can’t unhook them; you can motivate in a way that violates respect and decency; so too if you love players you must push them. Mike Rice’s approach unhitched performance character from moral character.  Develop both moral and performance character with intensity and intentionality; beware when the weight of your foot is disproportionately on either—especially performance character.

2. Make this a topic of an Intentional Culture Conversation within your family, your team, and amongst coaches, trainers, and administrators. We developed Intentional Culture Conversations for use in our work when the topic clearly has the potential to contribute to or detract from the mission and goals of the organization, but where the topic is complex and not clear-cut.  In this case an Intentional Culture Conversation must be engaged regarding the line between abuse and motivation, about the balance of excellence and ethics, and about how we empower all stakeholders to stand up, speak out, and stop abusive coaches.  The pursuit of excellence that also seeks whole-person development is as much art as science. The discussion may not lead to clear and obvious policy, but to ignore the issue and hope it doesn’t eventually emerge as a problem is just foolish. Assuming we all understand what is expected is ridiculous.  We must beware of simple, easy, and obvious answers—which are often also wrong (for example, no yelling by coaches, no intense coaches, get rid of the scoreboard, or make all sports like intramurals).  Let this terrible incident be the start of something good. Start the conversation.

3. Define abusive coaching behaviors so you’ll know it when you see it.  Once you think about coaching that balances moral character and performance character, and once you’ve engaged in an Intentional Culture Conversation with your stakeholders, then I recommend that you create a checklist outlining a checklist of coaching behaviors that constitute your definition of bullying. Because it’s such a complex and nuanced area, many will not want to define the abusive, bullying behaviors. But this is a mistake that lets the bullies hide and the puts the good coaches at risk of being misunderstood (think of the coaches in our study above). You may not get agreement on everything, but you must be prepared to identify it—for coaches, for players, for parents, for AD’s.  This will create an awareness of what to look for, of what to avoid, and will more quickly allow stakeholders to speak up to fix the problem or to better clarify your standard. For example, here’s my coach’s bullying behaviors checklist:

• Does the coach….
• Ridicule, embarrass or demean players
• Make verbal attacks personal
• Exhibit intimidating, threatening, and/or aggressive confrontational style with players
• Humiliate players publicly or privately
• Engage in emotional games, like not talking to a player, or having them sit away from the team after a bad performance
• Grab, push, shove or hit players
• Make clear to players that there is no way out or around the coach

Mine isn’t the only checklist. But take note of how even this simple checklist forces you to accept or reject mine, which ultimately leads to the clarification of your own.

Players don’t always appreciate (or even like) coaches, especially since most of coaching is getting more out of you than you think you’re capable of, pushing you beyond your limits, targeting your weaknesses for development .  A good coach is like a good parent: your kids don’t always like you; they often resent your standards and expectation. But if you do it the right way for the right reasons years later they understand and appreciate you—and usually adopt your standards and values.  But a bad coach is like a bad parent: they leave pain, scars, and resentment that last a lifetime. It’s a fine line between motivation and abuse—it’s also a slippery slope, so be careful and get intentional.

Growing up in as a kid in the 70’s and 80’s sport was an important part of life in America. But nothing like what kids growing up today are experiencing.  When I think about how things are today as that sport-loving kid of yesteryear I’m jealous: what I wouldn’t have given for an ALL ENTERNTAINMENT AND SPORTS NETWORK! Wow! I mean, are you kidding me?  We only had one or two games a day on the weekend. Highlights from games didn’t come until the 11PM news.  There were no facilities devoted to hockey, basketball, or soccer—at colleges, sure. But not for kids, like there are today.  The leagues, the coaches, the equipment, the competition—every part of sport has changed and evolved and intensified. And as kid I would have wished for the world to be so (if I could have even imagined it as a possibility). But as a parent, it does concern me.

As someone who has coached (and now coaches my own kids) and who has worked with coaches and student-athletes, and who has studied (and work to improve) the culture of youth sports I know that while sport still has an incredible power for good, it has a lot of potential for harm.  Our nonprofit Institute for Excellence & Ethics (IEE) works with coaches and student-athletes from youth sport levels through college.  I see the full range, coaching my daughter’s fifth-grade Catholic school team and working with highly competitive collegiate athletes.   As a parent of four children (three girls and a boy ranging in age from 5-10), I’ve gone from studying the culture of youth sport to being a part of it. And I’m shocked by the gap between what we know about the dangers of youth sport and how little parents know about it. I’m amazed at how few parents know the odds of their kid getting a scholarship (to say nothing of playing sports professionally).  I’m horrified by how few know the research on overuse injuries, burnout, and dropout. In fact, most kids drop out of sport because it’s not fun anymore. I believe skateboarders and snowboarders and extreme bikers have gained so much momentum because they figured out that parents don’t know anything about this stuff, there’s no way they can do this stuff, and they’ll basically leave you the heck alone to have some fun with your friends.

Bottom line, today’s sports culture is not the sport culture that most of today’s parents grew up in. In order to keep sport positive for parents and kids it’s imperative that parents educate themselves and form their own intentional approach. Here are a few of the books I think are must-reads for any parent with kids involved in sport:

• Game on: The All-American Race to Make Champions of our Children, by Tom Farrey
• Until it hurts: America’s Obsession with Youth Sports and How it Harms Our Kids, by Mark Hyman
• Positive Coaching and Positive Sports Parenting, by Jim Thompson.
• Season of Life, by Jeffrey Marx
• Inside Out Coaching, by Joe Ehrmann

There are plenty more excellent resources on the topic; these are a few of the best and most recent. The first two books (Game on and Until it Hurts) are fairly current and deeply convincing in their chronicling the impact on youth of out of control parents and coaches. The others tell of the problems and offer more balanced approaches that respect kids and the game.

For those who don’t have time or desire to read those books, here’s my quick distillation:

1. In alarming numbers parents and coaches are ruining sport for kids by applying too much pressure, too much training and competition, too much specialization (i.e., having kids concentrate on one sport year one in hopes of a competitive advantage).
2. Too many parents and coaches see sport (and unfortunately, their kids) as a means to an end—championships, scholarships, and a professional career in sport, in spite of the fact that it often leads to kids hating sports and their parents and coaches, if often leads many kids to dropout of sport, and it rarely leads to the ends these coaches and parents desire so badly.
3. Too many kids are being injured physically and psychologically by the pressure and abuse inflicted by well-meaning but misguided parents and coaches.

So, should you yank your kids out of sports and activities all together?  That’s not my conclusion or recommendation. On the contrary sports are an amazing medium for developing character, for teaching kids important values, for engagement that is healthy and is a protective factor against many youth development risk factors.  However, sports—like most everything in life—is not good in and of itself, but only good when we intentionally use it the right way in pursuit of the right goals. I think back and wonder what path I would have found in life if my parents had prevented, discouraged, or not supported my interest in sport. Sport gave me direction; it was my passion; it was the reason for working hard in school and for focus and discipline in the other areas of my life. I think too about my own son, who by temperament and passion for sport is basically a mini-me; removing sport activities from his life would make him a very different, and I believe less-healthy boy—in mind, body, and soul. He recently listed his goals in life as follows: 1. Play in the NBA. 2. Become a priest—after playing in NBA. Both lofty goals, but in his mind interconnected, not incompatible.

For parents intentionality is the key. As parents we must be intentional about our goals for sport and about our approach to sport. Here’s an example: as a fifth grade girls coach at my daughter’s Catholic school, I wrote a letter at the outset of the season to parents explaining to them my goals and approach. It clearly communicated to them that my goals were:  Fun, Fitness, Fundamentals, Fairness, and Faith.  I wanted for them (and I believe based on the research and my experience) that at this age the following should be true of the sport experience for kids:

1. Sport should be fun. Sport is supposed to be fun. It’s why kids play and when it’s no fun they quit.  The rest of life you will work; what’s not healthy or good is when parents, coaches (and oftentimes kids) make sport into work, when it becomes a grind with no joy and no fun. Sport is organized play. It should be fun not the sort of heavy, serious, dire thing we often turn it into.
2. Sport should build fitness. The single most important thing for kids now and later in their sport careers (wherever that might lead) and in life is the fitness habits derived from sport.  I want to develop strong healthy kids, kids with agility, kids with flexibility, kids with endurance. The obesity epidemic in this country is real. But preventing problems is motivating; we have to approach sport and fitness as a lifetime habit that allows you to be healthy, strong—more fully and completely human.  By the way, if fitness is the goals, then kids should be moving constantly at practice not standing around listening to coaches talk at them—it’s no fun and it’s not good for fitness!
3. Sport should develop the fundamentals of the game. Sport is fun when you know how to play the game and you get good at it. Throwing out the balls and letting kids do whatever they want isn’t coaching. There’s a place for this (I don’t run practice in my driveway; I let my kids and our neighbors play whatever they want however they want). Practice should be fun and fast and competitive (for fun, fitness and fundamentals). Coaches should be organized and disciplined and demand excellence. This is the chance to really push kids. But what matters is doing the skill right, targeting weaknesses for development, making it more and more challenging. The best athletes target their weaknesses, focus on growth and improvement, and receive deliberate practice with feedback from experienced coaches. It’s not that winning and losing don’t matter; it’s just that if you practice right winning and losing will take care of itself.
4. Sport should be fair.  Sportsmanship is essential and the expectations must be taught—to parents and kids. I make it explicit to our parents. I tell them: “We cheer for our kids not against the other kids. We don’t get on the officials or referees. Do not be screaming technical advice to the kids. I’m the coach, you confuse and overwhelm them.” I also tell them everybody will have equal playing time. Equal playing time should be the norm for kids up until at least sixth or seventh grade; that’s what I believe is fair and healthy for kids. I also have kids play different positions so they have fun and so that they truly get to experience the different positions and opportunities. You can’t tell which kid will get bigger, which position or skill set might really fit for a kid, and which sport or position your kid might really excel at. (Remember: Michael Jordon, Wayne Gretsky, and so many other superstars played—and loved—different sports than they eventually excelled at).
5. Sport should build and support faith development.  Whatever your faith perspective, when it is done right, sport has the potential to support faith development.  Faith requires hard work; it requires trust and focus and it is needed most in adversity—so too with sport. Sport SHOULD NOT compete with or detract from faith and religion.  Kids and parents shouldn’t have to choose between going to church or going to a game. Parents must help kids make the faith connections. For example, I believe the parable of the talents (Matthew 25: 14-30), is a great guide for approaching sport with your kids:  “We have all talents and abilities. I don’t how much or which specific talents God has blessed you with. I just want you to do your best not to bury or neglect your talents; and to do your best. Let God take care of the rest.”

I truly believe sports are an important and vital protective factor in the lives of kids. However, as parents we must be intentional in our approach if we hope to ensure that it is positive and productive, that it is aligns with our deepest values, and contributes to the goals we have for our children.

———————-

The above piece originally appeared in the winter issue of Mater et Magistra, Volume 6, number 1

All I could think was, “what will I say to our kids?” How will we explain this to them? How will we help them face the brutal truths of this tragedy, without scarring them or scaring them?  What follows is what I wrote as I tried to think about what my wife and I will say when we talk about this later today. It draws from my experience as a psychologist working with schools on developing character, and working with youth in at-risk environments, but it is written as I will speak it—as a father, to my family and to my kids.  I share it not as the only way to talk to your kids, but one way, our way. We have four children, 3 girls and one boy, ranging in age from 5-10.   They attend a school that looks like Sandy Hook in many ways; it’s a safe school in a good community. I hope that in sharing others who are struggling to make sense of this for themselves might find something useful, something helpful as we try to move forward from this tragedy. What you say to younger kids might be different; how much you include might vary; what you ultimately decide to say to your children might be very, very different.    But I believe you must say something. You must help them make sense of it.

————————————-

Dear Kids,

Dad and Mom have some very sad news to share with you. It’s hard for us to even find the words to say what we have to say.  Something terrible happened today. A young man in Connecticut who was very troubled got into an elementary school and used a gun to shoot and kill 20 students and 7 teachers.  Mom and I wish more than anything that this had never happened, and that we didn’t even have to tell you about it. But it did happen, and you will hear about it on the news and you will hear kids talking about it and we wanted you to hear it from us.

I know that you’re probably feeling sad in your heart, that your tummy may feel a little sick—that’s how Mommy and I feel too. We feel so sad for the people who were killed and for their families and friends. We feel angry that that bad things happen and that people hurt other people. We feel scared because we don’t want anything to happen to you. It’s okay to feel all those things and we need to keep talking about how we’re feeling.  You need not worry about those who died. We have no doubt that they are at peace in God’s loving arms. We really need to pray for the parents and families in this community, that they can have courage and strength, that in time they can heal and find peace in their hearts, that they can forgive and let go of the anger they feel in their hearts right now.

You probably are wondering why would somebody do something so terrible and hurt people like this man did?  The truth is, we really don’t know why this man, or any person would do something terrible like this to others.  But, this young man is obviously sick—not sick like with cancer or diabetes, but sick with a mental illness in his heart and in his head and in his soul. Sometimes people with this kind of mental illness can be so sad or angry or depressed that they do terrible things like this young man did. You know how at school, if you somebody does something to you it can make you angry?  This young man suffers from a different kind of anger. Nobody at this school did anything wrong, or anything to make him angry. He was mad at everybody and he probably wasn’t even sure why. Remember how we talk about the idea that “hurt people, hurt people,” that people who have suffered or are suffering often hurt others?  This young man was hurting, and he hurt others.  It doesn’t make it right, but it can help us to understand why. We can be so angry with him for hurting so many innocent people, but we can also understand that he was a sick man and that sometimes people who are hurting, hurt other people.

You may be wondering why people couldn’t tell that this man was angry and that he was going to hurt others?  Well, you know how in the movies, when something bad is going to happen and the light gets dark and the music gets scary? You just know that something bad is going to happen. Unfortunately, when someone is sick like this man and they’re angry and they plan to do something bad, it’s a lot harder to tell. This young man was probably sick and suffering in his heart for a long time. Unfortunately, when you’re sick like he was, it’s harder for others to see it and harder for him to get the help he needs. That’s why you need to be kind AND careful: you need to be kind to everyone because you don’t know what kind of pain and suffering they have on the inside, and you don’t know how your small act of kindness might help them. But you need to be careful. There are bad people in the world, and they can be around our home, your school, or at the mall.

You’re probably wondering if you’re safe and if this couldn’t happen at your school or in our community?  The truth is that something like this could happen anywhere. So we always have to be careful. You have to keep your eyes and ears open and look out for people and situations that look dangerous. It’s just like crossing the street by our house: remember how we tell you, “our road isn’t busy, but it only takes one car driving too fast and one kid not paying attention and we could have a tragedy.”  We still let you ride your bikes. We still let you chase down the balls that go across the street. It’s not dangerous, but you have to pay attention. It’s the same at your school. You’re safe. Your teachers work so hard to make you safe. They have security and cameras and they work with parents to keep you safe. But you still need to be careful.

You may be wondering what you would do if that happened at your school?  We don’t think it will ever happen here, but it’s still good to be prepared. It’s just like the fire drills you have at school: your school has never had a fire; we hope and pray you never will, but you still practice fire drills. So what can you do if you’re in a situation like this:  first, stay calm and don’t panic! You must stay calm so you can think and listen. Don’t scream and yell; think and listen. If adults are there you listen and act on what they tell you to do. If they are not there, then you look for a way to get out of the building or away from the danger. If you can get out, go quickly away from the danger and look for a place or a person you can trust. If you cannot get out of the building or away from the danger, look for a safe corner to hide, something to get below like a table or into like a closet. Stay low, stay quiet, and stay calm and wait for someone you can trust to come to you. You may have to wait a long time, but just be calm and patient, someone will come for you.

It’s a very sad time in a very joyous season. This is a very difficult and painful situation. Mom and Dad are heartbroken that this has happened and that you have to know about something this awful. We wish there were no bad people in the world. We wish that nobody was suffering from hunger or poverty, from war or violence, abuse or neglect of any kind. We wish that every child was safe and that every person was happy. But unfortunately, that’s not the way the world is. But, we can be aware and be on guard and we can be careful. We can also be kind to others always and work hard to make sure that we help everyone, especially those who are hurting. We can pray for those who are sick and remember that everybody is struggling with something.

Remember, that while there are bad people in the world, most people are good. Choose to spend your life working to be kind and make things better for others. The prayer of Saint Francis is one that can help us make sense of this tragedy—for the man who killed, for those he killed, and for those of us who must live in the aftermath of this awful event. It speaks to how we want you to live, how we all need to live so that we can heal from this tragedy and begin making a world where hatred is replaced by peace. Let’s say the words together–not just with our lips, but truly in our hearts:

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.

Where there is hatred, let me sow love.

Where there is injury, pardon.

Where there is doubt, faith.

Where there is despair, hope.

Where there is darkness, light.

Where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master,

grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console;

to be understood, as to understand;

to be loved, as to love.

For it is in giving that we receive.

It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,

and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.

The development of conscience must be an essential focus of values education; and yet, as Mary Gentile has argued in her book, Giving Voice to Values, the development of conscience alone is insufficient. Conscience—a sense of right from wrong—also requires a sense of competence—a sense of practical know-how.  Competence speaks to what Gentile and others have referred to as “post-decision making” when we know what we ought to do and need to figure out how to make it happen within the challenges of the real world pressures and stresses (Gentile, 2010).

In our work this has meant that we distill complex and multifaceted moral and performance character values into their more specific competencies. Our operational definition of character as “values in action,” gets calibrated by a focus on the development of specific character competencies.  Competent: “able to”; incompetent: “unable to”. Organizations want and need “individuals who are able to …”, for example, give and receive constructive criticism, manage priorities and reduce stress, be fair to all involved, continue trying in the face of difficulty, and so on.

Competencies are process skills that connect awareness and sensitivity, to reasoning and judgment, to behavior. The development of competencies requires action and reflection, practice with feedback, real-world simulation that targets practice of essential skills in settings that are similar to the real challenges one would face, and yet still safe enough to allow the development of mastery.  When skills for each of these processes are fully developed and become automatic, cognition and action become intertwined and an individual consistently engages in positive behavior (see, for example, review of related research in Narvaez, 2006).

The development of competencies has meant the ability for us to teach general skills universal to all settings, while also targeting the development of skills specific to particular settings—be they in school, sport, or work.  A contextualized view allows us to approach each situation as having its own challenges and requisite skills.  We simulate for the most common situations you will face in this specific context. Too often training for ethics and character is too amorphous to teach or learn—certainly to assess.  IEE’s research-based tools distill theory and research into replicable guides for thinking and behavior.  Consider, for example, our Win-Win Negotiation Tool, which provides a guide for effective negotiation—a complex and critically important skill.

Our work has been focused on developing a battery of Tools within each of our Excellence & Ethics Focus Areas.

In essence, Excellence & Ethics tools, like the Win-Win Negotiation Tool, define standards and expectations. These “tools” represent what Mary Gentile would call “scripts” that guide implementation, thereby ensuring a more efficient and consistent standard of output. Clear and concise (i.e., simple, concrete, memorable, action-oriented) tools become models to guide behavior across the organization. Consistent and pervasive use of the tools over time leads to individual and organizational habits.

The support for and value of our work has increased in school, sport, and workplace settings as we have begun to develop both conscience (a belief that I ought to) and competence (a belief that I am able to).

Note: This blog excerpted and adapted from a paper delivered at the Baum Symposium on Ethics at Drake University, October 3, 2012.

 Show me individuals thriving in any role—parents, spouses, siblings, teachers, workplace leaders, coaches, teammates; priest or rabbi, politician or physician—any individual, thriving to any degree in any role or setting and you will see individuals who manage conflict well. Where individuals and organizations are surviving, not thriving, where there is inconsistency in the quality of human interactions and performance, poor conflict management is likely part of the equation.

You have humans, you share space, you have some task to perform: you have conflict.  Thus, managing conflict is an essential element of a positive and productive culture of excellence. Too often, however, our approach to conflict is focused on avoidance and dismissal—avoid conflict at all costs, and if you can’t make it go away.  We often speak and operate in terms of conflict resolution, rather than conflict management. In the former, we seek to resolve it, or make it go away. In the ladder we accept it and manage the type and nature and net costs of this inevitable byproduct of human interaction.

 Even in contexts where the goal is enjoyment and the relationships are familiar (i.e., friends or family gathering for food and fellowship), conflict doesn’t disappear. However, in contexts where our goals are challenging and our relationships are contingent, even utilitarian in nature (i.e., individuals with particular skills hired to help us thrive as an organization), then the nature, frequency, and intensity of conflicts are likely to increase. An intentional culture of excellence must proactively establish and develop the habits needed to efficiently and effectively navigate conflict—or suffer the real costs to the individuals and the organization.

In his book, Caring Enough to Confront, David Augsburger argues that when we see confrontation as rooted in caring, when we understand it as “care-frontation”, then we can begin to experience conflict as “natural, normal, neutral, and sometimes even delightful.”  How could conflict ever be delightful?  When it removes for the confronter the acute pain and recurring aggravation, along with the deep wounds and heavy burden that festers and grow when suppressed. Or, when it removes for the confronted the tangible tension and persistent awkwardness and provides them with something new insights into how to better exist and work with another.

 Augsburger argues that “care-fronting unites love and power…concern for relationships with concern for goals.”  Love and power, relationships and goals:  I want the best for you, therefore I expect the best from you. I challenge you because I love you. I challenge you to make you the best you.

 When confrontation is re-framed as care-frontation it goes from something to be avoided—a win-lose, angry and argumentative, attack the person not problem reality—to something healthy and productive and worthy of the energy required. Confrontation becomes care-frontation when we speak the truth in love, expressing our deepest beliefs and needs while still respecting the deepest beliefs and needs of the other(s), holding self and other accountable out of mutual respect and for our mutual benefit.

 Here are some simple—though not necessarily easy—steps to transform confrontation into care-frontation:

1. Attack the problem not the person. The goal isn’t to be right; the goal is to get it right.
2. When in doubt, do it. Conflicts delayed and deferred make little things into big things.
3. Use I-statements that honestly and respectfully express your thoughts and feelings, are solution-centered and clarify the goal or expectation (e.g., I think ___because…I feel ___ because…I intend to ___ because…).
4. Avoid You-statements that blame, insult, attack the personality and/or character of others. You-statements divide, distract, and disrespect. They sound like “You never, you always, you should have, you won’t, you don’t.”
5. Seek win-win solutions by clearly expressing your needs (I want), their needs (you want), and working together to find creative solutions that satisfy both (we could).
6. Accept that mistakes and missteps will happen; be ready to apologize, make up for, and move on from mistakes—they too are inevitable byproducts of human relationships and goal attainment.

Conflict is neither bad nor good;  it simply is. Conflict simply is an essential part of goal achievement and human interaction. Turn confrontation into care-frontation and you’ll begin to more fully realize your human potential and performance goals.

Two schools implementing IEE programming, one in Rochester, New York and one in Colorado Springs, CO have won the National Schools of Character Award presented by the Character Education Partnership (CEP). National Schools of Character are schools and districts across the U.S. that are models of excellence and show that character development has had a positive impact on academics, student behavior, and school climate. These schools will be honored in Washington D.C. at a CEP reception in November.

Allen Creek Elementary, Pittsford, NY has been actively engaged in Character Education since the year 2000. IEE has helped Allen Creek evolve their thinking to also recognize the importance of performance character. They embrace the idea of the school as an Ethical Learning Community where all members support and challenge one another. They have worked with IEE on three Culture of Excellence and Ethics assessments where this data has guided their work. They have integrated many of IEE’s Excellence & Ethics Tools, such as the Compact for Excellence and the Attitude, Effort & Improvement Rubric, throughout the school experience in order to develop the 21st century learner. They believe their work with IEE has helped them to fulfill the many state and federal mandates now present.

Russell Middle School, Colorado Springs, Colorado has been actively involved with character education for six years. This effort transformed into a vision and mission to build capacity for leadership, learning, and service to improve their school, community, and world through living and modeling strong core values. Their goal is to prepare students to be good citizens in the future, but also to grow into leaders today. The school has received two Culture of Excellence & Ethics Toolkit Workshops: Utilize Effective Goal Achievement Strategies and Stand Up to Peer Pressure. They have integrated many Excellence & Ethics Tools, such as the Attitude, Effort & Improvement Rubric, Compact for Excellence, Win-Win Negotiation and Integrity in Action Checklist.

“All of these Culture of Excellence & Ethics Tools are found within the Power2Achieve Curriculum which are topic-specific, research-based, intentional and practical student learning modules that provide teachers with instructional materials, lesson plans, lesson extension activities, multimedia learning resources, and access to an online community of educations who develop and teach these foundations,” notes Matthew Davidson, IEE President. “Each unit consists of four lessons and curricular materials targeted for instruction based on the implementation plan designed by individual schools and teachers. The curriculum is reinforced and integrated throughout teaching and learning through professional development and assessment.”

“IEE congratulates these schools on their outstanding achievement,” said Davidson. “The recognition of these school’s as National Schools of Character Award winners confirms the positive impact the Culture of Excellence & Ethics Tools and strategies can produce.”

Post by Kyle Baker, Program Coordinator at the Institute for Excellence & Ethics.

You can follow Kyle’s daily adventures here.

_________________________

What a difference a week makes.

Last Wednesday at 4:00 AM, I was on my way to the Kansas City airport, preparing for a day walking through airports and onto planes.

This morning at 4:00 AM, I was cooking breakfast for 50+ homeless men and preparing to walk the infamous Skid Row section of Los Angeles this afternoon.

Last week I was wrapping up my most recent trip to Kansas, where I met with educators on a variety of topics and facilitated three Excellence & Ethics Impact Academies, retreat-style workshops designed to guide participants into reflection on how they can develop into Impact Leaders and equip them with tools and skills needed to do so.  (You can view our workshop materials from these Impact Academies by clicking here.)

This week, I’ve seen countless Impact Leaders in action.  Along with eleven other Carroll College students and alumni, I am in Los Angeles this on a Headlights Service Immersion trip (read more about this trip here).  The objectives of this trip are to join together in order to serve people and communities in need and to learn of their stories and about the challenges they face.

Earlier this week we were able to visit Homeboy Industries, a comprehensive gang intervention program that has transformed entire neighborhoods if not the entire city of Los Angeles (it certainly has transformed the way we think about the creation of opportunities for gang members).  Homeboy Industries abides by two slogans that are referenced consistently:

“Jobs not jails,” and “Nothing stops a bullet like a job.”

It might be easy to cast off such brash statements…until you see Homeboy Industries in action.  On Monday, we visited a silk-screen shop, a bakery, and a café (complete with some of the best organic, sustainably grown food and coffee I’ve had in a very long time) that are run by Homeboy Industries.  Fast Company CoExist recently profiled Homeboy Industries, so you can read more about them by clicking here, but here are the essentials:

In the 1980’s, a Jesuit priest named Fr. Greg Boyle was placed at the Dolores Mission parish in the Boyle Heights region in Los Angeles.  Sharing a name with the neighborhood was pure coincidence, but his placement there was not.  After working in Bolivia, Fr. Greg asked his provincial (supervisor) if he could be placed at the poorest parish they had.  Since this was quite a rare request, the provincial was more than happy to place him in Boyle Heights, a region of LA that in the late 1980’s was entrenched in a full blown gang war.  By accounts we’ve heard this week, there were up to 18 actively warring gangs in the area at that time and there were often 2-3 homicides per week, most of them gang related.

Upon arriving in the neighborhood, Fr. Greg set out to learn about the challenges that the neighborhood was facing and work together with community members, primarily women in the neighborhood, to develop and implement creative solutions.  Homeboy Industries is only one of the many profound examples of how the creative solutions that have been developed have had a significant positive impact on this neighborhood, but for now I will focus on Homeboy in order to illustrate how they’ve moved to address critical issues facing current and former gang members.

Fr. Greg and his team quickly saw that one of the root causes of long-term gang membership was lack of any other valid option for many people in the area, especially if they dropped out of school and/or got involved in gang activity from a young age.  Take a look at the table below to see some of these challenges they identified and how Homeboy Industries works to provide solutions:

As we toured Homeboy Industries, our tour guide Gabriel explained that these solutions were a process, and that they take time.

He told us that several years ago “G” (which is what Fr. Greg is commonly referred to as here) had given him a chance, and that he’d left his old way of life behind and seized the opportunity.  He worked for Homeboy Industries for a period of time, then gota job with the railroad making over $45,000 per year (to put that into perspective, according to the principal of Dolores Mission Catholic School, only about 5% of the households in this area bring in over $20,000 per year).  However, he had a “relapse” (what this consisted of he did not share with us, he only referenced “his addictions”) and lost his job, his family, and his home.  He described coming back to see G:

“G gave me a hug, he told me I had no reason to be ashamed, and that I was exactly who God created me to be.  Then he told me to work on myself for a little bit, and come back when I was ready.  So I came to see him in December, and in January he gave me another opportunity with this job.  Now my personal goals are to keep working on myself so I can get enrolled in school and become a counselor to help other people.”

When we met Fr. Greg on Monday afternoon, he was quick to tell us that they hadn’t “fixed” anything, a message that is shared by many in this area.  However everyone here is  just as quick to point out the reductions in murder and other violent crime, thousands of “Homies” who now have jobs, men (including Gabriel) and women who are taking classes not only in Word, but also parenting and relationship-building.  They are proud and should be of the work they have joined together to put in for their community.

Indeed, as another Jesuit, Pierre Teilhard de Chardin once wrote, we must trust in the “long slow work,” and not get frustrated if “success” by our desired definition and metrics is not initially achieved.  Instead, we must (1) remain focused on the goal we’ve set out to achieve (In the case of Homeboy, end the violence that has plagued the lives of the people in this neighborhood), (2) develop many ideas for diverse and wide-reaching solutions, (3) refine these ideas until they are shaped into implementation-worthy plans, and then (4) communicate the plan to everyone involved and put it into action with fierce determination as well as the unbridled humility required to reflect, regroup, and begin anew when a plan needs further development.

Although Fr. Greg and others working in this area (and in other places) may feel as if they’ve only just begun to work toward a solution, spending this week surrounded by true Impact Leaders has been a great reminder that creative solutions are as much about process as about product, and that even if we haven’t achieved our final goal, there are always opportunities to plan and problems-solve further.

By my assessment using Creative Solutions Rubric, I’d give Homeboy Industries three thumbs up.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________

The Excellence & Ethics Tools mentioned in this post, the Creative Solutions System and the Creative Solutions Rubric, are available in:

Unit 6.1 of the Power2Achieve Foundations Curriculum.

Excellence & Ethics Professional Development Toolkit 6.1.

Impact Academy workshops for educators, students, and community leaders.

For more information, email Kyle Baker at kbaker@excellenceandethics.org

You can follow Kyle’s daily adventures here.

______________

After nearly a month of traveling to different regions of the country to work with educators and students, last night I flew into Helena, Montana for a few days on the ground.  This morning when I woke up, I drove to Whitehall, a small southwestern Montana town of just over 1,000 residents.  As I pulled into town, I used my iPhone to access Google Maps so that I could find directions to St. Teresa’s Catholic Church.

I parked my car between two neatly painted white lines in the parish parking lot, and walked into the church just as a funeral Mass began in celebration of the life of Betty Hogan, whom I had never met.

So why was I at the funeral of someone I’d never met, in a town I’d never been…and what does all of this have to do with a “Web of Impact”?

____________________

From 2001 until graduating in 2006, I attended Carroll College in Helena, Montana, where I played on the football team.  My time as a student-athlete (a term that has come under fire recently, but which I take very seriously) at Carroll was filled with many wonderful and challenging experiences, and marked by great development as a student, an athlete, and a person; it was one of the truly formative periods of my life.

While there, my offensive line coach was a man known to many as “Hogie.”  Hogie is the kind of person who epitomizes the term “duties as otherwise assigned.”  In addition to serving as a football coach, he also oversees the strength and conditioning program, is the master of the equipment room, and the king of one-liners.  Most people I’ve met over the years who have been associated in any way with football in Montana have a “Hogie-story,” and somewhere tucked away in a box I even have a binder full of “Hogie-isms” I collected during 5 years of film-study sessions.

After a person tells you their favorite Hogie-story, they’re quite likely to comment just as quickly on what a good, hard working, and caring man Hogie is.  No matter how early I would arrive for our winter conditioning workouts (which usually began prior to 6:00am), Hogie’s car would already be in the parking lot.  The door to his office was constantly open, inviting conversations on everything from game plans to relationships to what was for lunch that day in the dining hall.  On Saturday afternoons after a game, as everyone poured out of the locker room to celebrate a victory with their families, Hogie could be found washing the game uniforms because he believed that champions should never have grass stains on their uniforms.  This is a man who takes his jobs very seriously, because he knows their purpose, even if sometimes that purpose goes unnoticed by others.

The man many know as Hogie is Coach Jim Hogan, son of Betty Hogan, who passed away last week after a long battle with Hodgkin’s Lymphoma.

____________________

Funerals have always been a strange thing to me, perhaps because as a child I didn’t have many experiences of dealing with the death of friends and loved ones.  I do remember attending the funeral of a friend’s father (Gary McKenna, my youth football coach, who first taught me to love the game of football, about the hard work required to play it well, and about the relationships that could be developed through teamwork and competition).  I remember being overwhelmed by the sadness that permeated the building, and I remember hoping that people wouldn’t be so sad when I died.

Of course this sadness is natural; we grieve for the loss of those we love and can no longer spend time with, we wonder if we should have called or written more, and we are confronted by the truth of our own mortality…but many times, as was the case today in Whitehall, joy is also present.  Joy for a life well lived, and for love well shared.

Today as I sat in St. Teresa’s and listened to readings and reflections on life and death, I realized that I wasn’t just there to support my mentor and friend as well as his grieving family, but that I was also there to share my gratitude for the profound impact that Betty Hogan had on my life.

____________________

I don’t imagine that when Betty was 12 or 22 or 72, she ever imagined that her thoughts, her words, and her actions would someday affect a kid she would never even meet in any significant way, but they did.  Through the impact she had on the life of her son Jim…the values she instilled in him, the life-lessons she guided him through, and even the way she tended to his basic human needs for food, water, shelter, and affection as a child…she had a powerful and lasting impact on my own life, because her son Jim has made a significant impact on me, and has helped me become the man I am today: Far from perfect, but trying every day to learn to be a good person, to work hard, to not take things so seriously that I miss the chance to share a smile or a laugh, to be fiercely loyal, to be genuine, and to love the people around me.  In the 11 years we’ve known each other, Coach Hogan has done so many things to help and support me I’ve lost count, and I am certain there have been many more that I’ll never learn of.

His thoughts, words, and actions…the life of Jim Hogan, has had a profound, formative, and lasting impact on me.

____________________

The most fascinating thing about this is that the influence of so many others who have had an impact on his life makes up part of an expansive Web of Impact.  You and I are part of this web too, just as is the person in the factory that built my car, the person who carried my iPhone from the delivery truck to the store, the person who designed Google Maps so I wouldn’t get lost (well, at least not as often), the person who painted the lines in the lot where I parked, and the usher who greeted me with a smile and a “good-morning” as I walked into St Teresa’s.   Just like I don’t imagine that Betty Hogan ever thought,“I bet if I teach my son Jim to work hard and be a good person, he will teach the same things to a football player he coaches someday,” I don’t know that the people who performed the jobs I just described thought about how their actions would affect me today…the impact they would have on me….but what if they did?

And what if I did? What if I thought more about what kind of impact I was making…what if we all did?  What increase in sense of purpose would we have?  In our sense of self-worth?  In our understanding of community?  In the joy with which we experience both the profound and the seemingly mundane?  What if we thought more intentionally about the impact we wanted to make with our lives, and what if we reflected deeply on this more regularly?  Because you see, our thoughts, our words, our actions…they really do matter, and they matter in incredibly more vast and complex ways than we can ever imagine or comprehend.  And one of the great gifts of this life is that we get to choose the kind of impact we make, because we get to choose how we think about the world and about the people around us, we get to choose what we say and how we say it, and we get to choose how and when we act. (And as Spiderman always wisely reminds us, this great gift of power comes with great responsibility).

___________

A few weeks ago, I got to speak with nearly 400 high school and middle school students about “Impact” at the Southwest Kansas Student Leadership Conference, hosted at Garden City Community College. (My participation in this event was made possible through a generous conference sponsorship from United Wireless of Kansas).  Throughout the conference, students reflected on their own unique skills, talents, and interests, and on how those could be put to use in order to make a positive impact on peoples’ lives, in their schools, in their families, in their workplaces, and in their communities, both now and in their future.

Next month, more students and educators will have the opportunity to contemplate this idea of being a part of a Web of Impact; to reflect on what they want their own impact to be and to learn to develop personal competencies that will help them make a positive with their life.

Through the Kansas PCEP Project, a federally funded initiative that for the last four years has worked to create a sustainable character development movement in high schools across the state of Kansas, students, educators, school board members, and community members have been invited to participate in three Excellence & Ethics Impact Academies which will take place around the state. These Excellence & Ethics Impact Academies provide participants with a unique opportunity to reflect deeply at their own experiences, to identify their goals, and to consider how their unique skills, interests, and opportunities can be built upon in order to make a positive and lasting impact with their lives.

And these opportunities are important, not only for our schools, and our communities…but for our collective future…because what we think, what we say, and what we do matters.

______________

Whether we realize it or not, each of us makes an impact on the people we interact with and on the world around us…and if we all spent a little more time being still with that information; thinking about all the people who have made an impact on us, and considering what kind of impact we will choose to make with our own lives, our individual lives are likely to be lived with more depth and richness, and perhaps our collective impact will begin to solve some of the more global problems we’re confronted with today as a society.

Just like Mrs. Hogan may never have known the significant impact her life had on me, we may not ever directly see tangible evidence  that every thought we think, every word we utter, or every action we take will have…but one thing that we do know is that the Web of Impact is real…and we are all part of it.

Posted by Kyle Baker, Program Coordinator for the Institute for Excellence & Ethics.

You can follow his daily adventures here.

___

An essential step in goal achievement is the identification of your desired destination…what you’re aiming for…where you’re heading.

Regardless of who I work with, from students in elementary schools to competitive athletes, from people learning basic job skills to organizational leaders at the top of their fields, from teachers to college seniors, true identification of a desired destination (aka a goal) can prove to be an incredibly challenging task.  I’m not talking about things like “get good grades” or “exercise more”…but those specific, measurable goals that we want to achieve as individuals, teams, and organizations because they really mean something to us.

It can be scary.  Sometimes it can feel selfish.  It demands honesty, humility, and vulnerability.  It requires accepting the fact that it will take hard work to achieve…and that even with hard work, you still may not get there.  At some point, the question of “Why exactly do I want to do this again?” will come up, and sometimes you may not be able to find an answer.

I know this not only from a research perspective, but because I experience these challenges myself…we all do.

Goal achievement doesn’t just happen.  It’s a process.

Progress through process.

So….What are you progressing toward today?

“Progress lies not in enhancing what is, but in advancing toward what will be.”

-Khalil Gibran