If Mom's Not Happy . . .

Time In A Bottle

2015-02-04T21:20:00.003-05:00

Where has the time gone? Today is my daughter's fourth birthday. In my family, we have a birthday morning tradition that my Mom started when I was a little girl. There was an album, remember those, titled Happy Birthday From Sesame Street. The very first song on the album was called A Little Bit Bigger. Every year, my Mom has sung this song to me. When I wasn't living at home, away at college or now as a Mom with a home and family of my own, my Mom still calls me every birthday morning to sing this song to me.

Browsing a music store when I was pregnant with my first child I came across the CD of the album. I snatched it up and was so excited that I would be able to carry on this tradition with my child. To my disappointment, the most important song that my Mom sang to me growing up was not included on the CD. I called Sesame Street and spoke to them about the song, the special memories associated with my Mom singing it to me each birthday and that I was about to have a child of my own and would love to have a copy of this it. Crazy, I know, but they were wonderful and sent me a copy of the song.

The mornings of my children's birthday I play the song for them. The song is so simple, but says a lot. Especially, the third verse. Now that I have children of my own it puts a lump in my throat as I hope I get to enjoy a long life with them, watch them grow and create families of their own. Here's the song lyrics - enjoy singing this to your children on their birthdays!

A Little Bit Bigger

Your birthday comes, your friends are here
And you're a little bit different than you were last year
You're growing tall, that's one thing new
And there's a brand new answer when I ask, "How old are you?"

(chorus)
You're little bit bigger, a little bit older
A little bit smarter than you were before!
You're a little bit bigger, a little bit nicer
And every year we like you even more!

Well you're my friend, so let me say
The day that you were born was a very special day
So once a year, here's what we'll do
We'll have an extra special party just for you!

Now time goes by, soon you'll be grown
Someday you may even have some children of your own
Still every year, here's what we'll do
We'll wish a wonderful, Happy Birthday just to you!

I found it on You Tube in case you want to take a listen click here.

4 Years Old

1st Birthday

Do you have any traditions? Have they been carried on from your childhood or have you created your own?

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Laundry, Laundry Everywhere

2014-10-13T19:36:00.002-04:00

I have to admit, I have a love/hate relationship with the laundry. There are some days when I really enjoy doing laundry. Sorting, loading into the washing machine, taking warm clothes out of the dryer, folding and putting clothes away. Sometimes I feel like Snow White with the birds flying around me as I fold clothes while watching a guilty pleasure on television. All goes smoothly and everyone is happy in the house with drawers full of clean clothes. Favorite outfits at our disposal.

Other times, laundry goes horribly wrong. I don't mean that I ruin the clothing. I don't shrink clothes or get bleach stains. What I mean is that I start out strong. Sorting, loading into the washing machine, putting the clothes in the dryer. Then, this is where it goes terribly wrong, I don't take the clothes out of the dryer in a timely fashion. I may be talking about a couple of hours OR I may be talking about a day or two. Before you pass judgement, please tell me I'm not the only one who is guilty of this.

You know what you get when you leave clothes in the dryer for some time once the cycle is complete? I know you do. You get a bunch of wrinkled clothes. No matter how much I hand iron and how well you fold the laundry, it ends up looking like a sloppy mess. Sometimes I just would put a brief, warm cycle on the dryer to "touch up" the clothes and help with the wrinkles. It just wasn't doing the trick.

One day, I saw the most beautiful tweet from a detergent company on Twitter. This little pearl of wisdom has changed my life when it comes to those pesky loads of laundry that don't make it from the dryer to the folding table in a timely fashion. I add a couple of ice cubes to a quick drying cycle and the wrinkles disappear. Voila! Common sense right? Something so simple, having a profound effect. I used to get frustrated when I wound up with wrinkled clothes.

Don't fret about wrinkled clothes anymore. Simply add them to the dryer with a couple of ice cubes and watch all your troubles - and wrinkles, fade away.

Do you have any household tricks that make your life easier? Do you think you'll throw some ice cubes in the dryer the next time you have some wrinkled clothes?

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News Flash

2014-08-21T19:57:00.001-04:00

I don't think I've watched the evening news in years. My son is eight years old and quite frankly, I think it is too scary and overwhelming to have the news on in the house. Of course, I can try to stay up and watch the 11 o'clock news at night - but I'm usually too exhausted. Let's list the alternatives. If I had the choice of watching The Big Bang Theory or How I Met Your Mother or The King of Queens - I know all cheesy sitcoms, or the news at 11 o'clock in the evening, I choose to enjoy the cheesy sitcom before going to sleep.

Over time, I felt like I had lost touch with current events. I wasn't keeping up with the news on television. I didn't get a newspaper delivered to my house. I could look up current events on the internet or get an app on my phone of a major news organization but it is just too much to sort through. I'd like to think I am a bright and intelligent person who likes to empower myself with information and knowledge about the world around me. I definitely felt out of touch. My husband would come home from work and talk to me about things that are going on in the world and I just didn't have much to contribute to the conversation. Like a deer in headlights and it frustrated me.

About a month ago, on Facebook one of those little boxes appeared with a notice that several of my friends LIKED theSkimm. theSkimm is an email newsletter you can subscribe to that you will find in your inbox first thing every morning. Summarizing international and domestic events it really is a wonderful source of information for Moms, or anyone, who wants to incorporate absorbing this information in their daily lives but are simply too short on time. I subscribed about a month ago and am really happy I did. Now each morning while I enjoy my coffee, I read theSkimm and catch up with the news in only a couple of minutes. Now I won't look like a deer in headlights when my husband talks to me about current events. Not only can I contribute to the conversation thanks to theSkimm, I might stump him with a news event he might not be aware of.

Do you watch the news with young children at home? Do you find yourself out of the loop with current events? What are your sources for getting information about current events?

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My name is Judy and I'm a SCREAMER

2014-08-12T16:08:00.002-04:00

I don't know about you, but I have become a screamer. This was never my intention. In fact I promised myself I wouldn't be the Mom who raises her voice all the time to get her point across. I'll make a pact right now. I promise I will maintain a calm, even toned voice when communicating with my children or asking them to do things. What I have found over time, simply asking in a calm manner does not always work - leaving me no choice, but to raise my voice.

The thing is, my children are young now. They know better than to scream back at me, so when I scream they usually comply with what I am asking them to do. Here's the thing though - I don't want to be remembered as a screamer. I don't want my children to think of their childhood and say, "Oh yeah, my Mom was always screaming about something." Worse, when they get older, I don't want them to think it's normal to scream when they communicate to their family, spouse or child.

I try really hard. I do. I tell myself today I will speak calmly, in a thoughtful yet firm manner that commands respect. I start off that way, but once I ask for something to be done 2, 3, 4 times my voice gets 2, 3, 4 times louder. My children and I have the conversation, "How many times should I have to ask you to do something?" My children respond with the obligatory, "Only 1 time." Yet, sometimes they simply don't comply.

So here I go. I will make a pact to remain calm and in control when communicating with my children. Maybe this time all will fall into place and screaming will become a thing of the past. Fingers crossed!

How many times I've asked nicely before I've raised my voice

How about you? Are you a screamer or do you maintain even-toned when communicating with your children? What are your secrets?

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Introducing Lola

2014-08-08T09:34:00.000-04:00

We got a puppy and her name is Lola! She is the reason why I haven't been able to post as regularly as I'd like. Lola is not the first dog that I've had, but she is the first puppy with children. Getting a puppy while having young children is a whole other animal.

Four years ago, the first dog my husband and I had as a family passed. Her name was Baci - she was sweet and kind. It took four years for me to be comfortable enough to get another dog. I'm not naive, I knew getting a puppy was going to be a lot of work. I just forgot how much work it was. Magnified by two young children. You understand what I'm getting at, right?

We are finally seeing the fruits of our labor with our new puppy. Lola is five months and she is turning into the sweet, kind puppy we always wanted. Trust me, there were times (too many to count) I questioned why we did this? I mean getting a dog is a 12 year commitment. You lose the freedom and flexibility of not having a dog depend on you to eat or being let out for the bathroom. During rain or snow storms, you can't cuddle on the couch waiting for the storm to pass. You need to bundle up and take your dog out for a walk - I'll leave that for my husband.

Even though it's been a crazy and hectic time, when I hear my children laugh while they play with her or watch her kiss them when they are sad - I know it has been worth it. This is exactly what we wanted, a loving family pet that our children would love to spend time with. Lola offers tons of entertainment but more importantly she offers comfort and unconditional love.

Do you have pets? Are you thinking of getting pets with young children? Would you wait for children to be older before you introduce a pet to your home?

Everyone Is A Winner . . . I Don't Think So

2014-07-03T09:54:00.003-04:00

This year my son was in chess club at school. It really was a wonderful, well run program. We went early to school every Friday morning for the opportunity to learn and play chess. I would volunteer each week helping clean up the chess boards and pieces so I got a good sense of where my son was playing with respect to other children participating. Let's say by the end of the year, he was right in the middle of the pool. He definitely was not the best player, but not the worst either.

There were celebrations twice during the year of the club - once before holiday break and the other at the end of the year. During the holiday celebration, there was a raffle to win mini prizes like travel chess or checkers sets. My son was excited he was going to win a prize and I explained to him it was a raffle and the point of having a raffle is to randomly pick a winner. Since there were 70 children in the club, I told him it was highly improbable he would win anything. As the names kept being called and I began to play closer attention to the amount of prizes on the stage, I noticed EVERY child who participated was being called as a raffle winner. To be honest, this surprised me a little. I would have rather they bought each participant a small gift as a token of the holiday season and presented it as such - certainly not under the guise of a raffle.

At the end of the year there was a four week chess tournament. Awards were presented to the players and as names were beginning to be called, I noticed that they were not for 1st, 2nd or 3rd place. They began calling names with three way ties for 7th place. Again, I have never witnessed such a thing. The children who did not place 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th, 6th or 7th place- ahem, my son, were then called up to receive a Great Play Award.

My son doesn't participate in softball or soccer. I had heard of clubs giving each child a trophy at the end of the season for participation, but my son has never been involved. I didn't believe in that practice then and I don't believe in it now. My son, as well as 99% of the other participants, did not play well enough to deserve a trophy or award. I think it's okay for children to participate in sports and activities where they don't win at the end of the season. Doesn't it teach them to try hard and play your best even if there is no prize at the end?

Growing up I participated in a bowling league - am I dating myself, and dance school. At the end of year, awards were given for 1st, 2nd & 3rd place. That's it! I still had fun participating if I didn't win. Watching others achieve those awards gave me something to come back and strive for the following year. In dancing school they gave awards, not for the best dancers, but commitment to taking class and sticking with it for 5, 10, 15 years.

Trophies my Son has been awarded when he passes a test in tae kwon do.

What do you think? Should each child who participates be acknowledged with an award? Should we go back to the days when only 1st, 2nd and 3rd place were acknowledged?

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Have You Met MacKenzie

2014-04-07T15:00:00.000-04:00

Here is a new entry to the the segment of the blog called "Have You Met . . " I am excited to introduce you to MacKenzie. She has a successful career and is Mom to a beautiful little girl. Since I don't have siblings, I have always admired her wonderful relationship with her sister. Read on to see her thoughts on being a Mom.

Facts
Name/Age     MacKenzie, 36 years old
Marital Status/How Long Have You Been Married     Married almost 8 years
Child(ren)/Names & Ages     One Amazing daughter Willow, age 5

Questions
What has been your most memorable moment since becoming a Mom?
I've had so many but my most memorable are the times I see her doing something by herself. Running on the playground to introduce herself to a new kid, or on the stage at school as the head of her school play. 5 short years ago I gave birth to this baby and now she's her own person, maneuvering herself in this world and I'm in awe every time.

What kind of activities do you enjoy doing with your child?
We love to cook and bake together. She's my sous chef and we have so much fun. We take long walks with our dog and we talk, she's so much fun to have a conversation with and never fails to have me laughing out loud with her comments. We also love Target. We can roam that store for hours.

What advice do you have for Moms looking to return to work?
Don't beat yourself up or stress about all the hours you miss being with your child. I beat myself up a lot when I started working and it was consuming me. My daughter absolutely adores me despite me working, so it took a while, but I've finally learned to make our time together special and to just know she's very well taken care of, happy and having a great time even when I'm at work.

Do you think it's easier or harder raising a kid now than when you were a child?
I'm 50/50 on this. We have so much more now. So many opportunities to do well and be successful and to be able to create a nice life for our families. I didn't see it then, which just goes to show how amazing my parents were, but with one income my parents had to worry about things I don't have to worry about now, thank God. But, sometimes I think it's harder because kids can't have the freedom we had growing up to figure things out for themselves. When I was little we would play outside for hours, we would be in the neighborhood with all the other kids, riding our bikes, playing in the woods, refereeing arguments, and having lunch at our neighbors house and our parents didn't have to worry. It breaks my heart that my daughter will never know what it feels like to leave her house in the summer when it was still cool in the morning, spend the entire day outside exploring and just be called home when the sun was going down for dinner. Now, I wouldn't even leave her in our own yard alone, even knowing we live in a nice, safe neighborhood, if there is such a place anymore.

What surprises you most about parenthood?
How it can be amazing, fun, scary, worrisome, joyful, exciting, exhausting and terrifying all at the same time. I didn't expect that.

Little Details
I'm obsessed with . . . Parenthood and Ray LaMontagne.
My favorite drugstore buy is . . . Mascara
My go to meal on a busy day . . . Not gonna lie...too often it's cereal
My guilty pleasure is . . . Pinterest
My favorite beauty product is . . . Laura Mercier Secret Camouflage

The Parking Dilemma

2014-04-02T15:43:00.000-04:00

My son's elementary school was built over fifty years ago. When the campus was originally designed, they certainly didn't anticipate parking would become an issue. Parking is tricky at dismissal to say the least. To be honest, there are a few things that do not help the parking situation. Children that are supposed to take the bus are being picked up at the school. Parents of walkers are picking up their children by car, instead of walking. Before I go on, I will admit, I am guilty of the latter a couple of days a week because we attend extra curricular activities that begin a half an hour after dismissal. Let me be clear, I have never been guilty of parking where I shouldn't.

To get to the general parking area, students have to walk through the school faculty parking lot. Most days, if the general parking spaces are taken, parents begin to park in the open spaces of the faculty parking lot. This has become a dangerous situation regarding the safety of children as they walk to their cars. The Principal has sent out several reminders asking parents to refrain from using the faculty parking lot. Then why are there still a group of parents that choose to not follow this request?

I thought this problem was only at my son's school - parents blatantly ignoring requests by the Principal in the name of convenience. Then I had an afternoon with clearly too much time on my hands and entered a Google search, "parent parking at school". Here are just a few of the headlines I found:

School Parking: Fines For Parents
Parents Lament - Lack of Parking at Schools
Parents Fume Over School Parking Fines Threat
Police Warn Parents Over Inconsiderate School Parking
Pupils Stage Parking Protest In "Plea" To Lazy Parents

Call me old fashioned, but I believe my children learn by my example. All children learn by the example of their parents. Parents can talk to their children about following rules and good behavior, but doesn't it speak volumes when the parents themselves break rules and make poor choices? Everything we say, do - or don't do, our children notice.

Why do you think the parents continue to park in the faculty parking lot? Are the parents simply lazy? Are their children spoiled and they do not want to walk too far to the car? Do they simply feel entitled and just not care about following rules? To be honest, I am not even touching upon parents that zip through the crosswalk without yielding or stopping for children waiting to pass. There are also the parents that park in the fire lane or create spots on the grass where they do not exist.

I don't remember this being a problem growing up. The parents seemed to follow rules better in the "good old days".

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Let Them Struggle

2014-03-16T19:10:00.004-04:00

I was reading an article the other day about sending your children off to college. In many cases students are not dropping out of college because they can't achieve academic success. Instead, they are dropping out of college because of the social and mental demands. Although college is ten years away for my oldest child, I found the article very interesting. While it is natural for parents - well, I'll speak for myself, to want to rescue our children and be their problem solvers in difficult situations, you have to let your children struggle a little.

Parents place so much emphasis on the study skills required to gain entry and attend college. Working hard on college entry exams. Making sure their children take advance placement courses for college credit. These are undoubtedly important. On the other end of the spectrum parents are dropping the ball when it comes to the mental preparation and social skills that will make a student's transition to college a successful one. Isn't that just as important?

There are basic life skills we can incorporate into the lives of our young children. By starting early, children will work on developing skills over the years and hopefully result in a student that will be ready to tackle both the academic and mental demands of college. Some of the areas students are lacking? The ability to take criticism of work constructively, successfully working on projects with partners or in small groups, or effectively communicating with faculty and fellow students.

What little change can I make to help my children persevere through such issues and transitions in life?

After thinking about this, I believe a change I can make to help my children prepare for college is to let them struggle a little. It is hard to resist the urge to fix things for young children, but I do believe it will build character and help them develop goals they would like to achieve. Take a step back and allow them to try and apply the lessons they have been taught so they can learn how to work through situations.

As adults, I am sure we can sit back and recall times we have struggled. In high school, college, at work, in relationships. It is a part of life and how we deal with these situations molds us into the people we become.

My son's first day of kindergarten

Did you have a hard time acclimating to college? Do you allow your child to struggle through situations? What other traits are important for a successful transition to college?

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Thankful Thursday

2014-03-13T07:34:00.000-04:00

I am going to start a series of blog posts called "Thankful Thursday". Some weeks I might talk about the obvious things we value and count our blessings for - health, family, home. The encouraging words of a friend. Other weeks I might talk about random things that get us through a crazy moment, week or month. Maybe it's an app on your phone the kids got to play while you had an important conversation. Perhaps it's the stuffed animal that helped comfort your child one night when they weren't feeling well. Although sometimes we lose sight of it, we always have something to be thankful for. The simple, genuine, surprising things that help make the lives of Moms a little easier.

This week I am thankful for the clocks moving ahead with daylight savings time. Have I been exhausted losing that hour of sleep? Yes. I have had to drag myself out of bed each morning this week. But it has also been wonderful! Driving home from extracurricular activities, preparing dinner, getting the children ready for bed all while it is still daylight - feels great! I had a chance to stop by the beach last week after my son's extracurricular activity. It was around a quarter after six in the evening and I took this great shot - it restored my spirit. Since that visit to the beach I have been looking forward to, and very excited for, the Spring and Summer seasons that lie just around the corner.

What are you thankful for?

The Thick of It

2014-03-10T14:41:00.001-04:00

Last week was my birthday. I am officially in my late - and I mean late, thirties. My birthday was a nice and relaxing day. In the morning I dropped my daughter off at preschool. I enjoyed a quiet breakfast by myself at the diner. After breakfast I treated myself to a manicure and came home to enjoy some uninterrupted television time. As I looked down at my newly manicured nails, the thought came over me that I should be doing this more often. Taking time to invest in myself.

When you have a newborn and a toddler, it's hard to find time for yourself. I have a friend that I see when I pick up my son from school everyday. We both have second graders and have known each other since they were in a play group when they were one. Where my second grader is the oldest child in my home, hers is the youngest. I always compliment her how great she looks. She works part-time and also has two teenagers - yet always seems to have it pulled together and has a friendly smile. Every time I compliment her, she always responds by reminding me that I'm "in the thick of it". She tells me it gets better, things become more manageable, and eventually I will find time for myself again. It will all balance out.

I have to say, as I look down at my manicured hands a week later, I believe I am emerging from being "in the thick of it" that I've been in for the last couple of years. It's been trying at times being a parent of two young children attempting to balance it all. Keeping the children happy, keeping our home in order, teaching them to be good little people in life has been, and will continue to be my priority.

It looks like I might begin making a conscious effort to incorporate some things in my life that I used to enjoy "B.C." - before children. I deserve to spoil myself a little too and replenish my spirit with the little luxuries that make a big difference. I don't know what I will choose next, another manicure or maybe a massage. I'd really like to enjoy a nice cup of coffee while I browse in the bookstore. It's the little things in life, isn't it? I have decided this will be my birthday gift to myself.

How do you find time to care for and invest in yourself? What little indulgences do you enjoy? When is the last time you had a quiet morning or afternoon all your own?

An Apple A Day

2014-03-04T21:33:00.000-05:00

Let's face it - pediatricians are not created equal. We are only in the beginning of March, and so far this year has been a rough one for my daughter. She has been sick a number of times which has resulted in many, and I repeat, many trips to the pediatrician. Let me preface this by saying, I don't feel I run to the pediatrician easily. I usually try to wait and see if ailments begin to show improvement before I make an appointment.

I love my pediatrician. We have been seeing her since my son was born eight years ago. She came highly recommended by people I've known for a long time. She has a wonderful, caring spirit and is very knowledgeable. She has a great circle of doctors in specialty fields if I need a referral. My favorite thing about her is that you have a clear plan when visiting her for an acute visit on how to proceed if the symptoms persist.

It must be a sign of the times, but let's face it medical practices have become larger and larger. Due to multiple office locations, extended office times and weekend hours I often find it difficult to see the same doctor for two consecutive visits at my pediatrician's office. I was shocked to find how different their approaches were.  Were they caring and sincere with my daughter? Sure, I'll give them that. Where they all good listeners? No. Were they all constructively responsive to my questions? No.

I began to think about what I love about my pediatrician. It began to make more sense to me why some of my friends have switched pediatricians maybe once - or even twice. What qualities makes a good pediatrician and pediatric practice?

I've determined what is important to me and my choice of pediatrician:

Reception    Let's be honest, experiences with reception personnel can set the tone for an entire office visit. They greet us, take payments, schedule appointments, answer our phone calls, help process forms we might need for school or camp. They are very important with respect to knowledge of office procedure and practices.

Nurses     My children have had office visits where the nurses that assisted the pediatrician ranged in experience from recent college graduates to those with 25+ years. One thing I've learned, no experience in the world compensates for compassion and bedside manner. This is crucial considering they will ultimately be responsible for administering any needles my child will be receiving.

Around the Clock     Why do my children always get sick in the middle of the night? Sometimes I need to speak with a nurse at two in the morning. Having access to a medical professional in the middle of the night has saved us a number of times. I don't think I could ever be with a pediatric practice that did not offer the ability to speak with a nurse at any time - day or night.

Do you like your pediatrician? Have you started your child with one pediatrician and switched to another? What qualities are important to you when choosing a pediatrician?

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The Olympics

2014-02-13T14:54:00.001-05:00

Last week, my son asked to watch television and I was happy to share with him the Olympics was starting. I have many memories of watching the Olympics with my mother growing up. We always enjoyed the figure skating, skiing and bobsledding events during the Winter games. I vividly remember watching Alberto Tomba, Brian Boitano, Kristi Yamaguchi, and Debi Thomas compete. Am I aging myself here?

Nowadays there are few opportunities to sit as a family and enjoy watching a television show with themes and topics suitable for both parents and children. Since my son is a huge ice hockey fan, I thought this is the perfect age to turn television time into a learning experience.

We spoke about how the world comes together to celebrate this event. He asked about the symbol on the Olympic flag and together we researched on the computer to find out it represents the 5 points of the world that come together to participate - Africa, Americas, Asia, Australia, and Europe. Please tell me I'm not the only one out there that didn't know what the Olympic symbol meant?

We located Sochi on a map and talked about how people travel from every corner of the world to participate in the Olympics. We also located Greece on the map and spoke about the origination of the Olympic games that started 776 B.C., yet the winter games weren't introduced until 1908.

Most important, for a seven year old boy who is always participating in sports on the playground, during physical education at school or on play dates - it is a natural catalyst to speak about the importance of good sportsmanship, teamwork, and dedication.

Today is the first Men's Ice Hockey Game of the Olympics. I'm excited for my son and husband to enjoy watching the game and hope it begins to make the memories of watching this event together as I remember growing up.

Do you enjoy watching the Olympics with your children? Do you have any memories as a young child of watching the Olympics?

Click here to see a beautiful commercial by P&G about Olympians and their Moms.

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Time Flies . . .

2013-12-01T22:10:00.000-05:00

I don't know about you, but there aren't enough minutes in a day, days in a week, weeks in a year. It seems like the first day of this school year was yesterday and now we are in the first week of December. The older I get, the more I want to take in each and every minute of my life.

Growing up, how many times did our parents tell us how quickly time flies? My Mother told me countless times growing up. Even now when we reminisce about my childhood, we can't believe how much - and how quickly, time has passed.

I want my children to cherish time and their childhood. I want them to grow up with an appreciation for life and the special moments, big or small, that memories are made of. My children are still young, but a way that I try to have them take stock of special moments at this age is ask them what was the best part of their day. We talk about it during dinner, while getting ready for bed or even as I tuck them in at night.

My daughter is almost three years old, so I usually bring something to her attention she might have enjoyed that day. I especially enjoy asking my son this. He is seven years old and really thinks about it. I'd like to think he's recalling the days events and in this little way he will grow to appreciate time.

How has time been passing for you? What moments make you realize how quickly time is passing?Do you ever ask your children what the best, or worst, part of their day was?

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When Did Your Children Become My Responsibility?

2013-09-15T16:33:00.000-04:00

My child is in elementary school where some children walk to school and others arrive by bus. Each day, there are quite a few parents that drop off their children by car. The school district and Principal have sent out messages noting children should not be dropped off, or left unattended, until the bell rings in the morning.

Consistently there is a mom, who is a working mom, that lets her children out of the car five to ten minutes before the bell rings. She waits for a "responsible" mom to arrive and directs her children to stand by them. She doesn't ask the mom if they would mind helping to watch her children for a couple of minutes. She simply directs her children toward the mom and proceeds to drive away. I understand she works and is expected to arrive on-time. That is the beauty of the school my child attends, there is a Kids' Care program for such needs in the morning and afternoon. There is an opportunity each morning for her children to be dropped off at school and be looked after by the Kids' Care staff.

One of the reasons I decided to stop working was because of the logistics of traveling and dropping off my children at school and extra curricular activities. I did not want to rely on a babysitter, impose on my family - let alone another mom, to look after my children when I could not. A couple of times I have been in the situation I've described. I have arrived at school early with my children and the mom has let her children out of the car where they wander by me as their parent drives away. Other moms have confided that they have been put in the same situation and it makes them uncomfortable - but they don't know how to approach the mom.

I have simply decided not to arrive early to school anymore. I will do my best to arrive on-time so I don't have the responsibility of watching children other than my own - especially without the consideration of asking me to help out.

What do you think? Would you mind looking after other children when you haven't been asked? Would you approach the mother about the situation or just let it be? Do you let your young children walk or bike to school by themselves?

Music In the Morning, Music at Night

2013-08-31T11:32:00.000-04:00

As we eased our way back in the routine of getting ready for school each morning, we had to break a bad habit of summer - turning on the television first thing in the morning. During school days, I find that no television in the morning keeps us on schedule and my children in better spirits. No procrastinating in front of the tv. No waiting for a commercial break or show to be over in order to get dressed, brush their teeth or straighten their beds.

Each morning when I wake up, I turn on some music. The style of music we listen to varies, even though I prefer the 80's tunes I grew up with and enjoy so much. I find that it lifts the mood of the house and promotes positive attitudes when morning routines can be so monotonous.

It should be no surprise that my children end their day with music as well. After a long day of school, extra curricular activities, and joining me for any errands that need to be done we put music on in the children's bedrooms when they sleep at night. Some nights they want to listen to the radio, so I pick a nice "lite" station. Other nights they pick a cd that they enjoy, I can always depend on my son to pop in a holiday cd in the middle of summer. It helps the transition to the end of day and bedtime. I find my children are quieter, calmer, and more relaxed as I kiss them goodnight when the music is on.

There is a reason why music is found to aid in the improvement of many things - enhances intelligence, boosts productivity, reduces feelings of fatigue, aids in relaxation. I have found it to have a wonderful effect on the general mood and spirits of my children, myself, and our home.

How often do you find yourself listening to a song that instantly brightens your mood & lifts your spirits? Do you incoporate music into your morning or bedtime routines? If not, do you think you'll give it a try?

Have You Met Catherine

2013-08-26T20:38:00.001-04:00

Here is a new entry to the segment of the blog called "Have You Met . . " I've known Catherine for 20 years. She has a successful career, sophisticated style, and is Mom to a beautiful little girl. She gives a candid and authentic glimpse into motherhood. Read on as she shares her experiences, struggles and triumphs.

Facts
Name/Age Catherine, 37 years old
Marital Status/How Long Have You Been Married Married, 9 1/2 years
Children/Names & Ages Amelia, 2 years old

Questions
What surprises you most about motherhood?
What has surprised me the most surprised me is how much "thinking" my brain is doing every minute of every day. I used to think I was always a thoughtful person, but I find that since becoming a parent my brain is always spinning - it never quiets down. I find myself trying to be present in the moment, anticipate situations, listen to others, and meet the present and future needs of my family, myself, my home and my employer all in a given moment. It's exhausting and incredibly time consuming. I often feel like there aren't enough hours in a day as the primary caregiver and it can be challenging to squeeze in anything else into my head without getting overloaded.

I think the other thing that most surprised me is how hard it is for me to separate from my daughter physically, mentally and emotionally. If I am not with her for a part of my day, she is constantly in my thoughts. I make every decision with her in mind and react to every situation with her in mind. I have had the gift of wonderful, meaningful, relationships in my life, but never have I experienced this inability to compartmentalize and separate myself from another person in order to meet my needs or the demands of my life. The line between my daughter's thoughts and feelings and my own is often blurred. I find that I will spend more of my day getting into her head, than my own. I think I forgot my own thoughts and feelings in service of understanding and responding to her. It's easy to lose yourself as a parent and forget your own identity. Being an older, first time mom who focused on establishing and sustaining a strong personal and professional identity for many years, I didn't expect that.

Lastly, I think what has surprised me is the perpetual feeling of disorganization on a daily basis. I've always been a task-oriented and over-achiever for everything in my life. Organization is my mantra. Since becoming a parent, I've worked on being flexible and not as hard on myself if I can't achieve everything I want. I have to focus my energy on keeping my sanity and a positive attitude! At first I felt like I was incompetent or under productive. Now I'm starting to accept that I'm human and don't have to be a perfectionist.

What is the best piece of advise you have received about parenting?
Do what you need to survive.

How do you balance work with your family life?
Most of the time, I don't feel like I balance very well at all. I think I'm very self-critical that way. Theoretically:
- I've tried to reduce my work schedule so I can be more available to my family.
- I've tried to commit to "date nights" with my spouse on a regular basis so we can get a chance to talk and connect as a couple each week.
- On my off days with my daughter I am careful about how much time I check email, take phone calls or entertain friends - things that I think compromise my one-on-one time with her. I also try to integrate fun activities or down time together so that we can really enjoy each other's company, communicate, share thoughts and feelings, and both relax a bit. Structuring my day this way gives me permission to let go of my need to parent, control and direct/teach my child all of the time. It can be liberating.
- I had to rethink my time management when it came to running errands, managing my home, cleaning, cooking, etc. I'm all about shopping online and home delivery for almost everything.

What I still struggle with is carving out ALONE TIME and socializing with friends. I just can't seem to find time to do this regularly.

What has been your biggest challenge in motherhood?
The biggest challenge for me is learning to negotiate everything! I'm learning to let go of my need to control everything and recognize that my daughter is her own person with her own thoughts, emotions and ways of doing things.
The second challenge is remembering I am a spouse as well as a mother and that my marriage needs as much attention as does my child.

What advice would you offer new moms?
I have no advice except do what works for you and your family. Parenting is a humbling experience. If I've learned anything it is that there is no universal advice that works for everyone. All children are unique and all families have their own values, traditions, goals, and expectations - it is really difficult to apply any one, universal principle or strategy when parenting. I think every parent needs to figure out what is important to them and their child and follow their own instincts and passions.

Little Details
My go to meal on a busy day . . . pizza
I can't live without . . . Laura Mercier under eye correction pot, Laura Mercier tinted moisturizer, yoga pants, IPAD loaded with Disney movies and episodes of Curious George. Coffee, coffee and more coffee!
Book I've read most recently . . . The Paris Wife
Favorite pair of jeans . . . J Crew Toothpick in medium wash
Best Drugstore find . . . Palmer's Cocoa Butter lip balm & Aveeno Baby excema lotion

p.s. we didn't include her picture because Catherine is camera shy

We Survived . . . Summer Break

2013-08-21T23:50:00.000-04:00

I can't believe summer vacation is winding down. A week from today, we will be attending a Meet & Greet at my son's school to visit his new classroom and classmates. We had a nice, mellow break. My son went to camp for two weeks and we've been hanging out the rest of the time. We went to the beach & playground, visited the aquarium, impromptu trips to the ice cream parlor, and enjoyed playdates.

As I reflected on our time together, there were three things that really helped get us through the summer. The mere mention of these things were met with enthusiasm from my children each and every time.

Stomp Rockets - Who knew stepping on a pedal that propelled a foam rocket into the air could bring hours and hours of fun and entertainment? Both, my son and daughter, would enjoy this for hours. Even when rockets got stuck in the tree, it occupied their time trying to figure out how to get them down. They could not play with them enough and even enjoyed them at their friend's home if they were brought out to play with.

Bicyles and Tricycles - I had no idea my driveway could be a source of so much fun and adventure. I can't begin to compute how many hours my children spent riding their bikes this summer. We didn't ride far, actually stayed in the driveway. Figure eight pattern for my son and circle pattern for my daughter, they rode their bikes hours on end. I really like this because not only are they enthusiastically engaging in a fun activity, as a form of exercise it helps contribute to their overall fitness.

Pool Time - Thanks to the kindness of my friends with pools, we were fortunate to spend many days poolside this summer. My son loved jumping off the diving board. One of his friends had a chart by their pool tallying how many cannonballs they could achieve this summer - their goal was 1,000. I bet my son contributed at least 100 to that total. My daughter loved swimming with the kickboard and splashing the water.

That's how we survived our summer. Even though I'm exhausted and can't believe how fast time is flying by, I am grateful for a fun summer spent with my children who are growing up too fast.

How was your summer? What activities got you through? Are you ready for the children to return to school or wish you had a little more time with them at home?

photo: My daughter and son riding bikes in our driveway.

I P T A, Do You?

2013-08-15T15:05:00.003-04:00

Last year I volunteered to manage spirit wear for the PTA at my son's school. My professional background is in sourcing of women's footwear - placing & managing inventory, negotiating prices to make sure sales teams can achieve their goals. I took on the responsibility for two reasons - to have a volunteer position on my resume somewhat related to my work experience and because I wanted to coordinate getting merchandise students would be proud to wear!

For the upcoming school year I was approached to take on a role of VP of Communications on the executive board. Who knew the PTA had an executive board? Now that I have gotten a first hand look at all the work needed to run the PTA, I have a newfound respect for all the parents who volunteer their time.

When I was in elementary school my Mom was on the PTA for a long time - years. Along with a group of friends they took on the responsibility of the PTA board. Thirty years ago, my elementary school PTA was planning school picture day and the annual chocolate bar sale. That's it, maybe they were coordinating two or three events over the course of ten months.

The PTA for my son's school organizes a couple dozen events each school year. From ice cream socials, school picture day, bingo night, family math night, book fair, fundraising, talent show, to the annual end of year school carnival with rides that rivals the finale in Grease - the activities that need to be planned are extensive and organizing many require coordinating a number of details.

For the first two years we were a part of the elementary school community, we participated in almost every event. Always well planned and organized, I failed to realize how much work the parents put into planning these events for my son to enjoy. Parents we had never met, took the time and energy to coordinate an event hoping that my child, and the entire student body, would enjoy themselves. I took it for granted, but not anymore. I am very grateful for all the parents who take the time to plan activities and fund raise for my son's school.

As you begin this school year, rememember this as you participate in events organized by your PTA. Let them know how much you appreciate their commitment to making our children enjoy school that much more.

p.s. if you read this and are a parent at my son's school, you can thank me for the lovely website I have spent most of the summer streamlining and formatting so you can have all the information you need at your fingertips . . . just kidding. Maybe not.

Do you know how much work is required when coordinating PTA events at your child's school? Are you, or have you been, on the PTA?

Between Mothers & Daughters, and Sons Too

2013-08-12T16:29:00.001-04:00

I read a great article in More magazine. There was a study conducted that observed the linguistics in conversations between adult daughters, who are mothers themselves, and their mothers. It looked at the words a mother spoke, what the daughter heard and vice versa. They actually referred to the language a mother and daughter uses as motherspeak & daughterspeak.

An example from the article was a mother telling her daughter, "You look nice in that yellow shirt." What the daughter actually hears is, "Thank God there's one color you don't look hideous in, so I don't have to be mortified every time you go out."

Another example was the daughter telling her mother, "I'm going to take a different approach to my child's music lesson than you did with me." The mother hears, "You are the worst mother that ever lived."

It was interesting, and for me very accurate, to see the examples and their interpretations. I wondered how my children will interpret my words as they grow older. How I interpret what my mother tells me. It makes me wonder why so many moms are critical of themselves, trying to interpret compliments given and dialogue spoken. Why is it hard for us to hear a compliment, kindly say thank you and move on?

The article makes me want to be careful with the words I use to communicate with my children. Words have a powerful effect on children, and adults too. The power to build up and the power to tear down. Words can set our children in motion or stop them dead in their tracks.

Have you consciously thought about the words and tone you speak with your children and loved ones? Do you remember a time when words spoken to you lifted your spirits?

Six Ways To Be A Good Big Brother or Sister

2013-08-08T08:45:00.000-04:00

My son, age 7, has written for my blog before. He wrote a great post, Six Things That Make Mom Happy - click here to read what he had to say. When he gets an itch to play with my computer, he asks if he can write for the blog. I told him to write about ways to be a good brother or sister and this blog post was created. I actually enjoy what he shares and hope you do too.

Here you go, conceived and typed by my son, "Six Ways To Be A Good Big Brother or Sister".

Do not scream when the baby is sleeping.
Teach them to only go outside if your Mom says you can.
Do not be loud when getting ready for bed at night.
Help them put on shoes when Mom is in a rush.
Play games with your sister or brother.
Do not fight with them.

What ways do your children think they can be a good brother or sister to their sibling?

I Love This Quote . . .

2013-07-31T21:50:00.001-04:00

You can never underestimate the power of a good quote. Quotes are inspirational. They offer a sense of community and solidarity - knowing another has shared sentiments you are feeling. When I come across quotes on motherhood, I enjoy reading them. I wanted to share my favorite quote on motherhood. It's quite simple actually, but to me it speaks volumes.

"There is no way to be a perfect mother, and a million ways to be a good one." - Jill Churchill

I love this picture and often imagine it when I think of this quote. Many of us put pressure on ourselves to make everything appear "perfect". It is in the imperfect moments that memories are made. I remember the morning we took this picture. My son isn't even looking at the camera. I'm pretty sure my daughter is drooling. Yes, my eyes are closed. I love how my son is looking at his sister and my daughter's silliness is coming through.

Do you have any quotes that inspire you as a mother, wife or daughter? Are there pictures that you find yourself looking at a little longer because they bring you back to a place - a moment of comfort and happiness?

Change the Subject

2013-07-26T21:42:00.001-04:00

The best thing I can do is change the subject with my children when I am about to have a crisis or meltdown on my hands. I can't recall a time when changing the subject hasn't worked to change the dynamic of a situation into a positive direction.

A few months ago the children had their swim lesson. They were all suited up and ready for the pool. The girl in the session right before us got sick in the pool. The swim instructor cleaned up the mess, but I didn't feel comfortable sending the children into the water. I told them we would skip the lesson and their reaction was not a good one. My friend was their with her children, who were actually in the lesson when the girl got sick, and they were upset that their lesson was ending early. I had to change the momentum of the situation or I was going to be in for a long afternoon. I decided I would take the kids for ice cream even though it was almost dinnertime. We would stop for ice cream and just eat dinner a little later. This small gesture lifted their spirits. They excitedly changed into their clothes and invited their friends to join us. It really ended up being a great afternoon.

This week we went to a movie. Over the summer, they have older movies playing for a dollar. My son has been asking to see all of the new releases, but I figure spend $3 or $30? It's a no brainer. We went to see the dollar movie, ParaNorman. We hadn't seen it before and it ended up being very dark and scary at times. At one point, my son asked if we could leave because he was scared. As we were leaving he was upset asking why we just didn't go see the new release instead. He had a point. I changed the subject. As we were walking out I saw a photo booth where we could take silly pictures together. I asked my children if they wanted to do it and they got excited. We took pictures and left the theater on a better note.

photos we took as we were leaving the movies

When things happen beyond your control and the children react in ways that can cause stress and frustration you just might have to change the subject. You have nothing to lose. Have you ever needed to use this tactic to get through a stressful situation? How did it work for you?

Beach Etiquette, Do You Have Any?

2013-07-23T11:56:00.004-04:00

My friend met us at the beach the other day. She has three children and I have two, so there were lots of beach toys between us. Something interesting happened. A women sitting not too far from us managed to swipe some toys for her children to play with. To be honest, I don't know how she got them.  She certainly didn't ask if we could share with her. The children weren't playing together. Somehow the toys managed to make their way to her children who were enjoying them.

As my friend was packing to leave she was collecting and cleaning the toys she brought.  The grandmother of the children who were playing with her toys came over and asked if we were looking for some toys because her grandchildren were playing with them. Simply left it at that and walked away.

My jaw dropped. This is the problem with our society.  People think they are entitled to anything they want. You might think I am making a mountain out of a mole hill but this blows my mind. Why wouldn't she collect the toys from her grandchildren and give them back? Why would she take children to the beach without anything to help occupy their time? My friend had to go over and nicely ask for the toys because she was leaving. Did she think we would leave without the toys? Nobody thanked my friend for letting them play with the toys. Instead, the grandmother announced my friend was leaving and taking the toys with her.

So it boils down to beach etiquette. Do you bring stuff to occupy your children at the beach or do you rely upon the kindness of strangers to do it for you?

Carnage, A Weird Title For a Movie About Parenting

2013-07-18T10:50:00.002-04:00

This weekend I saw the movie Carnage. I originally chose this movie because of the amazing cast - Jodie Foster, Kate Winslet, John C. Reilly & Christoph Waltz. The movie turned out to be about two sets of parents that have a meeting after their sons have a dispute in a neighborhood park. The parents hope to resolve the issue but their behavior quickly spirals out of control. Is it me, or is "Carnage" a misleading title for the movie?

As a parent, the movie raises interesting questions. How you would approach this situation? How would you react if your child struck another? How would you react if your child was the victim? Would you call the parent over the phone to discuss? Would you go as far as invite the parents to your home to discuss the issue? Would you just leave the issue alone and hope the children would work it out?

Parenting styles are so interesting to me. What one parent accepts as normal behavior another parent may deem unacceptable. Where can you find common ground and resolution? I strongly believe it all boils down to respect. If we raise our children to have self respect, and be respectful of others, doesn't that ensure these situations wouldn't escalate to a point of children having a physical or verbal altercation? Being respectful in language used to communicate to each other. Being respectful not to invade another child's personal space. Being respectful not to lay your hands on another. Aren't these fundamental lessons we should be teaching our children?

It's never too early to teach children about respect. As a parent, we should expect our children to consistently respect us. It starts when your child is a toddler. I always expect my children to say "please" or "thank you". I always expect a nice tone of voice when my children speak to me or another adult. Do I always hear the please or thank you? No. Do my children ever communicate in an unacceptable tone of voice? Yes. Is it my job to remind remind them when they are falling short in the respect department? Absolutely. As parents, it is important for us to be respectful to our children and others. This might seem obvious but don't children learn from our example? Shouldn't we teach them to treat others as they would like to be treated? Shouldn't we teach them to respect their elders?

I guess the title Carnage refers to the way the parents ended up slaughtering each other. Really tearing into each other's parenting, personal and professional lives. In the end they come undone yet the children manage to work their issues and the closing scene has them hanging together at the playground.

What do you think? Have you ever had to work with another parent to resolve an issue between your children? Did you have a successful resolution?