MENTAL KRISHNA IS IN FACT A PERVERT KRISHNA

FILM: Mental Krishna
LANGUAGE: Telugu
RELEASE DATE: January 1st, 2009
STAR CAST: Posani Krishna Murali, Satya Krishnan, Nagababu, Brahmanandam, M S Narayana, Giri Babu, Raghu Babu, Ranganath, Goutham Raju, Sivajiraja, Etv Prabhakar, Brahmaji, Surekha Vani, Delhi Rajeswari, Pragathi, Bhargavi and Others
MUSIC: Vandemataram Srinivas
EDITOR: Mohan & Rama Rao
CINEMATOGRAPHY: Gadiraju Srinivas
ART: Babjee
STORY, SCREENPLAY, DIALOGUES & DIRECTION: Posani Krishna Murali
PRODUCER: Mohan Vadlapatla
BANNER: Mohan Media Creations

I already knew that it would be a torturous experience to review this movie and so hadn’t planned to do it. And I also assumed that every reviewer would bash this piece of shitty film, aptly titled Mental Krishna. So, I felt, where was the need for my review? But to my utter horror, most of the Chamcha reviewers conveniently skipped this film for the benefit of… U know very well who they are… So, the situation warranted a proper review… which in turn might save at least 100 gullible audience from going through hell.

PLOT?!@#$%^&*()… Who cares for the plot… when the only intention of the Story-Screenplay-Dialogues Writer & Director Posani Krishna Murali is to depict women in the most objectionable manner and to indulge in chest beating for being the man that he claims to be.

• I really appreciate Posani Krishna Murali and Editors Mohan & Rama Rao, for having the courtesy to minimise the torture time frame for audience to just around 2 hours (I heard that it was trimmed by almost 45 minutes).

• It would be a futile exercise to list out the low-lights 1 by 1. So, I would rather say that every frame of this pathetic movie is a low-light. But the primary points of disgust are as follows…
• I really can’t understand and so don’t wanna comment on the compulsions of a prospectively good actress like Satya Krishnan to act in such a perverted film. Even though I don’t like women aiding some people making such heinous films in the name of creativity… I have to still admit that Satya Krishnan has once again given a natural and commendable performance under the circumstances. But, the bottomline is that I have a lot of respect for ladies like Shakeela, who act directly in soft-porn flicks rather than pretending to belong to the main stream genres.
• Mental Krishna should have been more aptly titled as Pervert Krishna.
• Gents should stay-away from this flick and ladies should run-away from this shit.
• Once there was Upendra, now there is Posani Krishna Murali. If Upendra was a trailer of the things to come, Posani is the real deal.
• I know that many more scenes, which are epitome of the rotten writing of the director, are not just edited but are deleted in their entirety. But still, it has abundant vulgar dialogues, soft-porn elements like suggestive brushing of the breasts, condemnable projection of women and their sexuality, fake social messages, portrayal of gays like some animals, and many, many more such heinous depictions of the society.
• Here I have to admit that I don’t believe in God. But, I still respect other person’s beliefs. And so, it is unpardonable that some wannabe politicians (who are responsible for setting examples) like Nagendra Babu are taking part in such anti-women flicks… while still in the sanctity of a Bhavani Mala… all in the name of creativity.

Mental Krishna is ONLY for Censor Board, Reviewers, Perverts and the makers of the film. No one else should watch this film. It is really unfortunate that some political parties are even aiding people like Posani Krishna Murali by inducting his services. And to top that, in an interview, Posani even blushes on the prospects of him becoming a public representative like MLA/MP. I just wish that day wouldn’t come any day.

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GHAJINI

FILM: Ghajini
LANGUAGE: Hindi
RELEASE DATE: 24, December, 2008
STAR CAST: Aamir Khan, Asin, Jiah Khan, Pradeep Rawat, Khalid Siddiqui, Tinu Anand, Vibha Chibbar, Kunal Vijaykar, Kunal Kumar, Anjum Rajabali & Others
DIALOGUES: Piyush Misra
CHOREOGRAPHY: Ahmed Khan
LYRICS: Prasoon Joshi
SINGERS: Javed Ali, Sonu Nigam, Suzanne D’Mello, Benny Dayal, Shreya Ghoshal, Karthik, Praveen Mani
MUSIC COMPOSER: A R Rahman
CASSETTES & CDs: T-Series
EDITOR: Anthony
SOUND DESIGN: Resul Pookutty
STUNTS: Peter Hines & Stunt Shiva
CINEMATOGRAPHY: Ravi K Chandran
STORY, SCREENPLAY & DIRECTION: A R Murugadoss
PRODUCERS: Madhu Mantena & Tagore Madhu
BANNER: Geetha Arts

GHAJINI has one of the easiest backgrounds, being the remake of a Tamil blockbuster with the same name. Aamir Khan is clearly trying to prove himself as a commercial moghul that Shahrukh Khan & Akshay Kumar are claiming to be. Although, Aamir has been hugely successful, he is yet to be proven as a box office moghul… We have already predicted that Ghajini is gonna be the Biggest Blockbuster in 2008 as well as in Aamir Khan’s career.

Aamir Khan might try to deny as much as he likes, but the truth remains that Ghajini (Tamil) as well as Ghajini (Hindi) have a skeletal structure of Memento (2000) directed by Christopher Nolan. The protagonist suffers from Short Term Memory Loss as a hoodlum kills his beloved and also heavily injures him. Then starts the relentless pursuit for the villain named Ghajini, to seek revenge. In the process he takes the aid of photographs and tattoos to keep himself informed. So, if the plot is not copied from Memento, then Ghajini (Hindi) is not a remake of Ghajini (Tamil).

• The first and the foremost thing that strikes about Ghajini is that the title of the film is not titled after the protagonist and rather it is the name of the antagonist. How many commercial films in recent times can boast of this welcome change.
• Ravi K Chandran has made this mediocre script into a pleasurable viewing experience with his amazing span in cinematography. There are numerous instances that come up with utmost quality and innovation. Be it the Behka track, or the simple and yet effective still shot from a corner… showing time lapse over a dead body… Ravi is all over them. Hats-off to this genius.
• Anthony also plays a major role in the success of this flick. Without his precise editing, this movie could have turned into a boring saga of flip-flop revenge drama with an uneven pace. Editing is very crucial when dealing with multiple flashback episodes.
• A R Rahman has always had the habit of composing to the quality of the project that he caters to… irrespective of the money that he is offered and the star that he works for. So, his music for stars like Rajinikanth might be less appetising than his music composed for a typical Mani Ratnam movie. Likewise, finding himself in the midst of a mediocre script of Ghajini, he delivered pucca commercial tunes which might be less appetising than his absolutely brilliant score for Slumdog Millionaire. But in any case the tracks are way superior to the regular bollywood fare which tend to be just a bunch of loosely concocted strings of copied hooks and riffs. Prasoon Joshi’s lyrics might sound easy but in fact, are thoughtful. The words used enhances the progression of the movie’s plot. For example, Guzarish… is a track that comes in the anticipation of Asin’s (Kalpana) answer, Kaise Mujhe is a track that comes when Aamir Khan (Sanjay Singhania) realises the audacity of Asin’s character, Behka is a track that comes when Aamir realises that he is falling for Asin. All in all, a brilliant soundtrack given the mediocre quality of the movie.
• Asin has lifted this unidimensional script into an enjoyable fare. In fact, the role offered to her is a typical do-gooder heroine with chirpiness that was the norm in the 80s-90s. But she elevates the character with her performance tremendously… so much so that… we genuinely feel for her and the turmoil that Aamir goes through in the aftermath of her killing. She is an already proven actress in South Indian Cinema… so she has nothing to prove further. She has a long and bright future ahead in Indian Cinema.
• Aamir Khan has also provided enough starpower and also his efforts in gym come though on the screen. But that’s about all… I liked about his performance.
• A R Murugadoss has made this film into a xerox copy of his Tamil version… except for the last 20 minutes or so. I definitely liked the elimination of the double action of the villain and the random killing of girls in hostel episodes of Tamil version. They were the weakest links of the Tamil version. But more than Ghajini… I am awaiting Ramana (Tagore in Telugu was directed by V V Vinayak) to be remade into Hindi… which is certainly one of the best, original and yet commercial scripts that I saw in the last decade of Indian Cinema. It was also directed by A R Murugadoss. It is time for Bollywood to turn to some serious subjects from the idiotic comedies that they dish out on a weekly basis.

• Aamir Khan features top in the list of lowlights. I already said that I really liked his efforts in gym and sundry… But, I would rather focus now on his acting skills. Well, Aamir is probably the best star actor that Bollywood has as of now. But he is not even close to being the best in Indian Cinema which has stalwarts like Kamal Hassan, Surya, Vikram, Mammootty, Mohan Lal and even a very young and yet brilliant actor like Arya among many others. What was utterly disappointing is the performance of Aamir as the patient suffering from Short Term Memory Loss. Surya (in Tamil Ghajini) gave the best possible expressions that could give us an insight into the turmoil and confusion that the character goes through. But Aamir was mostly unidimensional with almost no turmoil coming through his expressions. All he did was to search for the photographs in his pockets and go beserk a couple of times shouting his lungs out. And when he was not a patient, he looked too old to play the part. He also had a constant mystique expression (?) while he was not even a patient, that almost seems like… he knows what is in store for him and that he fears it too much. These are just my understandings of good commercial cinema. Your sensibilities might be different. But all said and done, Aamir Khan more than makes up for the dearth of acting talent in leading stars in bollywood. One should also understand that anyone like me tends to analyse something… only when there is some good body of work done that needs to be analysed. So, the commercial outcome of Ghajini is not effected.
• A R Murugadoss has written the screenplay in a commercial format that has too many loopholes. He tried to control the damage in Hindi version as the Tamil version had just way too many of them, especially in the last 30 odd minutes. The most disappointing aspect of this film is the lack of freshness in the pattern of screenplay. It was too linear with just routine flashback episodes that are reminiscent of 80s-90s… only a bit stylised. Memnto’s brilliant non-linear screenplay was not even tested. And if you really peek into the nuances, then you would reallise that the relentless pursuit for Ghajini that we expect… never comes across as there were just 3 instances of confrontation of Aamir with the baddies. One is of course… the introduction scene when Aamir kills one… and another is the killing of one more in the parking lot… and then straight away, he finds Ghajini and kills him. How amateurish script…!

GHAJINI is not an entirely satisfying film… but would suffice as of now, as a welcome change of the trend of Bollywood towards a bit more serious subjects. Aamir Khan disappoints while Asin shines. Producers would mint money, while the audiences would have a rollicking time after a lull at the box office.

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King Is Zero Without Srihari And Brahmanandam

FILM: King
LANGUAGE: Telugu
CFBC RATING: U
RELEASE DATE: 25, December, 2008
STAR CAST: Nagarjuna, Trisha, Srihari, Brahmanandam, Deepak, Mamata Mohandas, Geetha, Sunil, M S Narayana, Krishna Bhagawan, Jayaprakash Reddy, Ajay, Surya, Chandra Mohan, Sayaji Shinde, Venu Madhav, Master Bharath, Fish Venkat, Duvvasi Mohan & Others
LYRICS: Rama Jogaiah Sastri, Sahithi
SINGERS: Leslie Lewis, Mamata Mohandas, Naveen Madhav, Priya Hemesh, Sagar, Divya, Vaddepalli Srinivas, Rahul Nambiar, Andrea, Shankar Mahadevan & Gopika Purnima
MUSIC: Devi Sri Prasad
CHOREOGRAPHY: Brinda, Rajashekhar, Shobi
STUNTS: Ram Lakshman
ART: A S Prakash
CINEMATOGRAPHY: Prasad Murella
STORY: Kona Venkat & Gopi Mohan
DIALOGUES: B V S Ravi
EDITING: M R Varma
SCREENPLAY & DIRECTION: Sreenu Vytla
EXECUTIVE PRODUCER: Akkineni Venkataratnam
PRODUCER: D Siva Prasad Reddy
BANNER: Kamakshi Kala Movies

KING released amidst little or no expectations at all. Or shall we say… it had no expectations from anyone… except, of course, from those age old fans who seem to be in denial with the age of the star they adore. But, very cleverly, Nagarjuna found the flavour of the season… to be Sreenu Vytla. And I thought that he would be right in a sense… with Sreenu’s concoctions Anandam, Venky, Dhee (My pick), Dubai Seenu & Ready finding takers.

To say that there was a plot in this shitty movie titled as ambitiously as King, would be a shameless admission that I am retarded. In essence, this flick is a parody like the relatively successful Seema Sastry staring Allari Naresh. The only difference… different spoofs and the status of the lead artist. There are numerous parody movies made every year in Hollywood. Popular series being the franchise of Scary Movie. These kind of movies are often done by C grade actors and technicians just to make some quick bucks. But our A list stars are finding them to be A class subjects. Nagarjuna tries almost every trick that Shahrukh Khan successfully employed in Om Shanti Om. But then, OSO was a well written and oldie script with some crackling humour and a sure shot success formula. King is, alas, an altogether different beast.

• Srihari, reverting back to his comedian days, in a role of heroine’s brother (for umpteenth time) impresses effortlessly with his underplaying comic skills. As a Telangana hoodlum, out to impress his beloved by becoming a painter, Srihari brings to us pieces of crackling humour that are bound to stay with us for a while.
• Brahmanandam, mainstay of Sreenu Vytla’s successful journey so far, clicks once again. Brahmi dons the role of a Music Composer who sexually exploits young and budding singers by luring them with professional opportunities. His role is targeted straight forwardly to the real life Music Composer Chakri, who is nototious for such activities. Being a comic genius, Brahmi provides probably the best time to us in the theater.

• First and foremost thing that we can judge even before watching King, is its Music. Composed by mediocre Devi Sri Prasad, this pathetic flick has the same old body of tunes, that he uses in every other movie, with different wardrobe. Even the song composed in a typical Telangana folk style is, in fact, a direct lift of a cult hit.
• Stunts by Ram Lakshman are as always… miles away from the real world and are too repetitive. Heavily built bodies flying in concentric circles with just a flick of our 50+ pale bodied Nagarjuna, reminded me of the similar comic fights that Allari Naresh had in Seema Sastry.
• Dialogues by B V S Ravi are the real treasure trove which reduces our King into a buffoon whenever he utters… East Side… West Side… North Side… South Side… Upparpally. This reminds us the numerous Balakrishna flicks which made us laugh relentlessly with similar efforts.
• Prasad Murella’s cinematography seemed to be tailored to a low budget flick. And today’s low budget flicks like Yuvatha had much better efforts. So, in this scenario, best advice to Murella would be to get back to school.
• Choreography in these kind of mediocre films, plays an important balancing factor by being innovative. While the efforts by Brinda, Rajashekhar & Shobi resulted in easy to follow steps, were far from being innovative. I laughed my teeth out when Nagarjuna tries to impress us with a solo dance step (while on a beach, on the move… he just keeps his hands in his pocket and relaxingly flicks his legs out)… the only problem being that it is a standard dance routine for any skimpily clad upcoming heroine in a B grade flick. Even the much hyped song, where in a number of Tollywood heroines dance with their King, had moves directly lifted from Om Shanti Om in an exactly similar song. A word of caution… close your eyes while watching this song… or you will suffer. Charmi was plump as a pumpkin. Priyamani was as dark as Babu Mohan and much darker than Sunil… but we still have jokes on these poor fellows while conveniently leaving these so called glamour heroines of Tollywood. Someone should advice Genilia D’Souza, not to dance while her legs are exposed as their size is equal to Charmi’s hands.
• Coming to the Story part… Kona Venkat & Gopi Mohan tried to play safe with a B.C. storyline in A.D. This film’s story is a mirror to Telugu film industry’s bankruptcy and the audience’s cheap taste for these cheap flicks.
• Editor M R Varma has no business in the film industry as he lacks even the basic sense of filmmaking. He is one more candidate who should get back to school. And so, I don’t blame him when I found that Trisha has her bra-straps exposed on her shoulders in a scene just before the interval. You might say that I am being silly… but you should understand that every frame of a movie should be intended and not accidental. When a heroine exposes intentionally, then it is up to her… but an accidental frame is blasphemous in filmmaking. Moreover, Varma doesn’t have even a single frame in the right place. The pace of the movie is so imbalanced and patchy that you would feel as if you are watching a mix of movies and would be confused. Ironically, that might also work out in favour of the film, by hiding the mistakes of every technician and artist.
• Screenplay and Direction of King by Sreenu Vytla are like a text book for how not to make a good movie. They might work out as Telugu audience’s taste is at an all-time-low. Spoofs on Chandramukhi & Chandralekha… so called inspirations from Race (Hindi) and Wanted (English)… too much repetition of Key characterizations like Srihari’s… first half-an-hour of the movie being the lengthiest in our lives… everything and anything thrown at us is intended to be lapped up by the cheap audiences. His hold on direction is so loose that there are at least 20 unnecessary characters that have no direct connection with the movie at all. The best example would be of Dharmavarapu Subrahmanyam’s… with a repeated joke… suddenly forgotten by the director. Even the climax is contrived… and confusing. If King… wanting to stay as Sharath… kills the character King… then how come King’s mother still comes to him referring as King… is left unexplained.  In the end, how can we blame Sreenu Vytla… as he is just milking us as we are bakras.

KING would be another commercial flop… but would be publicised as a mega hit. Earlier this year, commercial flop Jalsa was also publicised as a mega hit. With King, Telugu film industry released around 123+ movies this year with just about 11 commercially successful flicks. I had a blast laughing… when I saw a report on TV9 (among the worst News Channels), hailing Tollywood as it beat Bollywood. Yes, they are true. Tollywood made more movies than Bollywood… but TV9 conveniently forgot to mention that Bollywood had a success rate that cannot be matched by Tollywood for the next 2 years at least (Based on the projects that are under production as of now).

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YUVVRAJ PERFORMANCES

FILM: Yuvvraaj
LANGUAGE: Hindi
RELEASE DATE: November 21, 2008
STAR CAST: Salman Khan, Katrina Kaif, Anil Kapoor, Zayed Khan, Boman Irani, Mithun Chakraborty, Aushima Sawhney, Anjan Srivastava, Javed Sheik, Sulbha Arya, Aparna Sharma, Ami Maghera And Others
SOUND DESIGNER: Rakesh Ranjan
SINGERS: Salman Khan, Benny Dayal, Shreya Ghoshal, A R Rahman, Sonu Nigam, Srinivas, Karthik, Timmy, Sunaina, Vivienne Pocha, Tina, Alka Yagnik, Javed Ali, Naresh Iyer, Roop Kumar, Rathod, Vijay Prakash
LYRICS: Gulzar
MUSIC COMPOSER: A R Rahman
CASSETTES & CDs: T-Series
CHOREOGRAPHY: Chinni Prakash, Rekha Prakash, Ahmed Khan & Shaimak Davar
CINEMATOGRAPHY: Kabir Lal
ART DIRECTOR: Omung Kumar
SCREENPLAY: Sachin Bhowmick, Subhash Ghai & Kamlesh Pandey
EXECUTIVE PRODUCER: Shamira Karim
ASSOCIATE PRODUCER: Raju Farooqui
WRITER, PRODUCER & DIRECTOR: Subhash Ghai
BANNER: Mukta Arts Ltd.,

YUVVRAAJ would certainly be awful with a bunch of non-actors. Okay… except for ANIL KAPOOR (an occasionally competent actor), there are no great actors. Moreover, SUBHASH GHAI have been consistently delivering some of the most boring dramas in Hindi Cinema. Even TAAL was a boring bubble gum saga for me. But the element that saves Subhash Ghai most of the times… is Great Music. But off-late, even great music in YAADEIN & KISNA could not save them to become disasters. I feel nothing would change this time around even with superbly composed music by A R RAHMAN.

3 estranged brothers, 1 of them is suffering from autism and the rest conspiring to possess his inherited wealth for their own personal means. How the brothers are united in the end… is the drama all about. By the way, also throw in a beautiful damsel and her father, a bunch of other old school drama characters in the middle… and you have the plot of the movie.

• SONGS & BACKGROUND SCORE by A R RAHMAN are the only elements that make this movie even a talking point. As with all his compositions, music of this movie is not your average type Bollywood music which becomes instant hit. He is the biggest risk taker of all time. Most of his contemporaries are associated with certain types of music and so can deliver instant hits. But genius Rahman rarely falls in to that trap. There are some scintillating tracks in this album… “Manmohini Morey…” is the best track which is a Hindustani classical master piece… extremely well sung by VIJAY PRAKASH. “Shano Shano…” is a disco-isque track with a Rahman-twist which is a great dance number… but is completely over-shadowed by superbly remixed version of it by KRISHNA CHETAN. The extra-ordinary element of this remix is that we rarely hear a remix which is slower and more peppier than the original. “Dil Ka Rishta…” is another track that would completely blow your mind with a blend of contemporary music, western classical and Hindustani classical music that can be made possible only in Rahman’s compositions. All in all, this album is the showcase of exquisite music arrangements… But on the flip side, I completely disliked “Mastam Mastam…” which is an altered, over-the-top and poorly executed version of a superbly composed track from his Southern movie BOYS.
• KATRINA KAIF, while is not a competent actress, is a beauty personified and almost seems like a painting with her long arms handling the cello. Moreover, she doesn’t do anything that can upset the tone of the movie.

• While I was savouring the superbly composed soundtracks from the album before the release of the movie, I pictured how greatly they could light up the screen. But to my utter horror, the CHOREOGRAPHY was simply mediocre and the screen was simply a spread of bizarre colours that are glaringly injurious to the eyes. What a humongous wastage of A R Rahman’s tracks…!
• The acting performances of the lead actors SALMAN KHAN, ANIL KAPOOR, ZAYED KHAN & BOMAN IRANI are a continuous process of spooling the worst acting ever. Salman Khan has now mastered the CONSTIPATED LOOK for almost any expression… from romantic to the egoistic. Anil Kapoor has become a cucumber slice that would have been palatable in a sandwich. He is caught between choosing KAMAL HASSAN & DUSTIN HOFFMAN to copy from. And in the end, delivers the most idiotic performance an actor with such a leading role could deliver. Zayed Khan has always been a pathetic actor to watch and bear and it seems that he will remain so for a fairly long time. But the most disappointing performance is by Boman Irani. He is a competent actor but mostly relies on hamming his way out of a character. He mastered hamming while in Munnaibhai series… but was surprisingly appreciated all over and so he stuck to that hamming act also called great acting in Bollywood terminology.
• STORY, SCREENPLAY & DIRECTION involving the Show-Man Subhash Ghai or rather incredibly Stupid-Man Subhash Ghai is completely marred by plagiarism, old-school drama and also insipid writing. I truly think Subhash is in dire need of an admission in to his own film school WHISTLING WOODS. The story is a 70s-80s family drama set in scenic locations abroad and opulent mansions. The screenplay is also ghisa-pita line written solely for the benefit of the old age homes where a few from those generations might be up for it. The relationship of Salman Khan and Anil Kapoor and the scenes involving them are a straight lift from RAIN MAN starring Tom Cruise & Dustin Hoffman. But they are no way close to being watchable. Instead of sympathising with unwell Anil Kapoor, we would be longing for a chance to slap him for making a mockery of the mental state called autism. I was also left wondering… when the movie’s caption reads “Music Binds Love…”, why the hell does Zayed Khan’s character left out of Music altogether? There is no training imparted to the lead actors or any effort on their part to sync as musicians. While the emanating music is going east, Katrina’s effort on Cello goes west. While the sound emanating from piano goes north, Salman Khan’s piano strokes go south. The movie itself is out-of-sync with the great music by A R Rahman.

ANOTHER great lesson that Crores of money can’t guarantee a well written script and that it is time… these old horses like Subhash Ghai quit directing. And I request Salman Khan… to please quit acting for greater good.

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FILM: Dostana
LANGUAGE: Hindi
RELEASE DATE: 14, November, 2008
STAR CAST: Abhishek Bachchan, John Abraham, Priyanka Chopra, Bobby Deol, Kirron Kher, Boman Irani & Others
SINGERS: Vishal Dadlani, Shankar Mahadevan, Sunidhi Chauhan, Saleem, Shreya Ghoshal, Shaan, Amanat Ali
LYRICS: Vishal Dadlani, Anvita Dutt Guptan & Kumaar
MUSIC: Vishal – Shekhar
SOUND DESIGNER: Baylon Fonseca
COSTUMES: Aki Narula & Manish Malhotra (Priyanka Chopra)
MAKE UP: Mickey Contractor
DIALOGUES: Anvita Dutt Guptan
CHOREOGRAPHY: Vaibhavi Merchant & Farah Khan (Desi Girl)
EDITOR: Mannan Sagar
CINEMATOGRAPHY: Ayananka Bose
STORY, SCREENPLAY & DIRECTION: Tarun Mansukhani
PRODUCTION DESIGNER: Amrita Singh Nakai
EXECUTIVE PRODUCER: Manoj Mittra
PRODUCERS: Karan Johar & Hiroo Yash Johar
BANNER: Dharma Productions

I don’t want to be rude… but I have to confess that I didn’t like KARAN JOHAR’S typical movies. I laughed my way through over-the-top, melodramatic KABHI KHUSHI KABHI GHAM. But I changed my view of Karan, after I watched KABHI ALVIDA NAA KEHNA. That movie had something to say on a much deeper level… and it absolutely doesn’t matter whether someone approves its climax or not. It is a very subjective issue. But karan chose his path very boldly in that movie. I was really curious, how DOSTANA would be handled as it had Gay issue at the core of the movie. But I knew that it is not a serious, but a fun take involving the gay couple.

Strip it to its bones and you will end up with a routine story line where a couple rents a house pretending to be husband and wife… and eventually fall in love. But the twist is… as you all know already… the couple in question here, is gay. And they both fall for the same girl who is their landlord.

• Its hard for me to admit it… but the hamming queen of Bollywood KIRRON KHER is superb. Her comic-hamming that was such a massive hit in OM SHANTI OM carried into DOSTANA and it made me laugh my eyes out. She was mind numbingly funny with her hand gestures in the song where she imagines her son Sameer (Abhishek) with his boy-friend Kunal (John). I simply loved the scene where she accepts kunal as her Bahu/Damad.
• JOHN ABRAHAM is COOL… or rather HOT for the ladies out there. And probably for the first time, John strips beyond the obvious chest cleavage and showcases his butt-cleavage too. He probably has more curves than the dancing SHILPA SHETTY in the first song or for that matter the lead actress of the movie PRIYANKA CHOPRA. As far as acting is concerned, he still thinks that it doesn’t involve his muscles above his neck. But to his credit, he has improved sliiiiiightly ever so sloooowly.
• PRIYANKA CHOPRA has always been a good actress and she does not disappoint. But she had so little to perform… but who cares when we are having so much fun… right? This character is a cake walk for her… fresh from the superb performance in FASHION. She looks sexy too in MANISH MALHOTRA designed wardrobe. But she could not live up to the standards set by BIPASHA BASU in beachwear. And I wish that she doesn’t go the way KAREENA KAPOOR went… to become anorexic.
• But the real show stealer of the movie is ABHISHEK BACHCHAN. He obviously enjoys portraying these light hearted funny roles rather than sword wielding DRONA types. And when someone enjoys something, magic happens. Teaming up with John as mostly his girly partner, Abhishek jiggles to tickle our funny bone. He is a natural when it comes to light hearted comedy.
• STORY, SCREENPLAY & DIRECTION by TARUN MANSUKHANI is mostly entertaining. When you take up a subject that is as complicated as a gay relationship… and also does not want to tread the path of seriousness… it tends to slip into sleaze and offensive jokes. But the beauty of his screenplay is that the movie never presents itself in an offensive manner to gay couples and always stays true to its intentionally farcical to slapstick humour. One would have a laugh riot through most of the first half. Then the pace of the movie slackens in the second half, but never slips in to boredom. This happens as some obviousness creeps in and takes away the zing factor. The most funniest scene for me was the farcical flashback episode of how Abhishek fell in love with John, narrated by Abhishek to Priyanka and her aunt.

John Abraham, Abhishek Bachchan & Priyanka Chopra

• Music by VISHAL & SHEKHAR is simply C class. You wouldn’t remember most of the songs as soon as they are done playing. Only, Desi girl sung by SHANKAR MAHADEVAN is hummable and even that too seems like repeated umpteen number of times in Bollywood with an ordinary tune and over-the-top Bhangra beats.
• UNCOOL & DUMB… BOBBY DEOL… when would he QUIT? He is just not made for this business… of acting. Please have the courtesy of informing him whenever possible. most of the uncool moments of the film have one thing in common and that is obviously Bobby Deol.

DOSTANA is absolutely enjoyable… and yeah even with your family… if they are at least living in the 21st century. This movie is for anyone who wanna have a rollicking time with fun and frolic. This is NOT for anyone who hates creative freedom or who is against gay relationship for their own personal reasons. This is also not for those who feel insecure about their own sexuality to even watch something THEIR society does not approve for THEM. All said and done, I know that there are a lot of references that Dostana picks up from… primary one being I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU CHUCK & LARRY. But it is the novelty factor on an Indian screen that makes it score.

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FILM: Avakai Biryani
LANGUAGE: Telugu
RELEASE DATE: November 14, 2008
STAR CAST: Bindu Madhavi, Kamal Kamaraju, Rao Ramesh, Varun, Praneeth, Durgesh, Kameshwar Rao, Vijaya, Rakhee, Vinay, Charvy & Pandu
LYRICS: Vanamaali
MUSIC: Manikanth Kadri
EDITOR: Praveen Boyina
EXECUTIVE PRODUCER: Ratnam
DIRECTOR OF PHOTOGRAPHY: Shamdat
SCREEN WRITER & DIRECTOR: Anish Kuruvilla
PRODUCERS: Shekhar Kammula & Chandrashekhar Kammula
BANNER: Amigos Creation Pvt. Ltd.,

AMIGO CREATIONS has created a name for itself to be different and sensible. I was extremely impressed with ANAND as it was simply a superb Screenplay… though it had its weak moments at the fag end. Then, I was disappointed with GODAVARI as it was a blatant copy of ANDALA RAMUDU and also because it had too many flaws like repeating Kamalini Mukherjee’s characterisation from Anand. Then I was again impressed with HAPPY DAYS for its simple narration, unadulerated fun and frolic. So, what would this movie be? AVAKAI BIRYANI, as a title is very intriguing and so I was really looking forward to this movie as it was also directed by ANISH KURUVILLA, who is making his commercial foray with this venture.

Plot of the movie is as old as Telugu Cinema itself. An inter-religion love, good guy-good gal wanting to come up in life, village setup, necessary villains, an auto race (replacing bullock-carts), typical happy ending.

• Overall, Music by MANIKANTH KADRI is delightful. There are a few songs that are superbly composed. One of them is “Maamidi Kommaku” sung by SAINDHAVI & MANIKANTH KADRI, which had beautiful lyrics by VANAMAALI and composed with an amazingly energetic rhythm. Another one is “Nannu Chupagala Addam” sung by KARTHIK & SWETHA, which had light and yet deep lyrics and composed with amazing String accompaniments. And the other one is “Veerudena” sung by SHREYA GHOSHAL & KARTHIK, which was not entirely an original tune… but was elevated by amazing Shehnai accompaniment which is on par with the Musical genius of A R RAHMAN. There is one forgettable song which was supposed to be a celebratory village song. But the most disappointing element has been a direct lift of an entire piece of composition from A R RAHMAN’S repertoire which plays during “Adigadigo”.
• Cinematography by SHAMDAT is quite impressive. The simple techniques he used, knowingly or unknowingly, to show the contrast of the village atmosphere is superb. He used mostly high-akela-crane shots to highlight the beauty of the village atmosphere. To show the authentic and real imagery, he used lowly shots. Kudos to this simple technique. His imagery is strikingly rich.

AVAKAI BIRYANI LEAD ARTISTS

As there are no Highlights except the Music & Cinematography, the rest of the movie is a LOW-LIGHT. But still let me try to comprehend them…

• Lead actor KAMAL KAMARAJU at best has 2-3 expressions. He is promising but didn’t deliver in this movie. His character in the movie with the tag line “Oka Auto Vadi Story” had more weight than any other character in the movie and yet he couldn’t cash in on it.
• Lead actress BINDU MADHAVI is impressive with her effort to bring out her acting skills in her first movie. But she is not, what one expects from a Telugu heroine… glamorous. Moreover the pathetic screenplay made her acting effort seem like over-acting, many a time. Its not her fault at all. While not being glamorous, Kamalini Mukherjee was aided with a beautiful screenplay and dialogue in Anand. Later on, Telugu audiences just shunned her as she was not glamorous enough. But Bindu did not have the luck that Kamalini had in Anand.
• The rest of the cast are just FORGETTABLE. Pathetic acting skills and no screen presence.
• Amigo Creations has a simple but crucial problem. Kammula and team seem too egoistic to hire some real professionals to make their movies. Since the beginning, Shekhar had a bad habit of hiring non-actors and actresses in the elder and character roles. Remember Bamma (House Owner) of Anand… that had her dialogues by-heart and just chanted in a linear way without any modulation. Then there were the whole bunch of parents in Happy Days and so on and so forth. I know that Shekhar Kammula is just trying to bring authenticity… but in result putting more pressure on the lead characters to carry the whole movie on their shoulders. Kamalini & Raja had superb screenplay, Happy Days had many leads… but Bindu & Kamal have nothing to lean on. Bad luck for them.
• Carrying the non-hiring of professionals problem forward… Shekhar kammula’s movies always had the weakest and shoddy dubbing job. As always, the Sound Engineering work is poor in this movie too. Many of the dialogues that are on the side lines and in the background are inaudible. It was extremely hard to listen and understand the dialogues even in Happy Days during the first half hour. Avakai Biryani too suffers from the same problem.
• Lastly, the Screenplay & Direction by ANISH KURUVILLA simply… never moves. It was so dumbly written that even at just 2:15 hours or so… it felt elastic and back breaking. If edited well, it could still come down to about 1:45 hours. At the core, Avakai Biryani is a concoction of Jagapathi Babu’s PANDEM & KABADDI KABADDI. Good-for-nothing village guy, a bet, female lead who tries to inspire, male lead who becomes the village politician. And so… there is a ridiculous AUTO RACE in Avakai Biryani that reminds me of the innumerable Indian movies which had bullock-cart races to settle scores. Most recent one is by director Teja in Lakshmi Kalyanam with bullock-carts. This movie neither had the engaging conversations between the lead couple nor a fresh story line which were the hallmark of ANAND. This movie neither has the romantic spice nor the fun and frolic of HAPPY DAYS. Moreover, the hero & heroine meet and talk everywhere possible in the village without any hesitation whatsoever. In one scene, they even converse too closely on a street with a bunch of people watching and hearing them while celebrating Diwali (Anish assumes them to be blind & deaf… I suppose). There are too many continuity errors… like the one where the hero seems to write his mains and supplementary within a gap of precisely 2 months. And in another scene, the protagonists agree to talk in English from then on and that’s it… there is no mention of it again anywhere else. All in all, a ridiculous screenplay.

AVAKAI BIRYANI has nothing to offer. But I liked the idea of the title. Combining 2 ethnic foods to represent the culture clash was really good. But please, do not waste your time watching the movie for the title like I did. In the end, I don’t suspect the intentions of Anish to make a good movie… but I suggest Anish to watch Welcome To Sajjanpur by Shyam Benegal to imbibe some writing skills for a village based movie or for that matter… any kind of movie, instead of copying a plot here and a plot there.

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FILM: Ek Vivaah.. Aisa Bhi
LANGUAGE: Hindi
RELEASE DATE: November 7, 2008
STAR CAST: Eesha Koppikar, Sonu Sood, Alok Nath, Vallabh Vyas, Anang Desai, Smita Jayakar, Vishal Malhotra, Amrita Prakash, Chhavi Mittal, Kunal Kumar, Ritu Vasishtha, Damandeep Singh And Others
SINGERS: Suresh Waadkar, Shaan, Shreya Ghoshal, Satish Dehra, Pamela Jain, Farid Sabri, Aparnaa Bhagwat
LYRICS & MUSIC: Ravindra Jain
SOUND DESIGNER: Jitendra Chaudhary
CHOREOGRAPHY: Shabinaa Khan
EDITOR: V N Mayekar
CINEMATOGRAPHY: Harish Joshi
SCREENPLAY & DIALOGUES: Shashi Mittal & Sumeet H Mittal
ART: Sanjay Dhabade
DIRECTOR: Kaushik Ghatak
ASSOCIATE PRODUCERS: Sooraj Barjatya & Rajat Barjatya
PRODUCERS: Kamal Kumar Barjatya, Tarachand Barjatya, Rajkumar Barjatya & Ajit Kumar Barjatya
PRODUCTION: Rajshri Productions Pvt. Ltd.,
CASSETTES & CDs: BIG Music

I knew that it would be extremely hard for me to survive the following 3 hours donning the role of a middle aged aunt, crying her eyes out over a stupid family soap opera in the name of sustaining the so-called Indian family values. But hey, isn’t this movie from the same production that gave us some of the biggest blockbusters of all time?

What? You really want to know that…? From B.C. to A.D., Rajshri movies had only 1 plot exactly. And it revolves around Vivaah. The number of Vivaahs in a movie changes, but seldom the central theme of the movie itself.

• NONE… whatsoever. At least, there are no highlights for any person whose IQ is close to 10/100.

• All marriages are certainly NOT made in heaven… Otherwise… Rajshri Productions wouldn’t have survived this longggg… Isn’t it?
• The striking variety that this latest installment of Rajshri has from its yesteryear boring sagas… is the sheer number of acting duds in a single movie.
• Sometimes it is better to kill ALOK NATH in a movie… as it is good for public health.
• The so-called story idea (Elder sis staying unmarried to raise her siblings) of ASHAPURNA DEVI (Mentioned in the credits on the movie’s site) is a direct lift from a yesteryear Telugu film SUJATHA starring veteran actress Sujatha herself. WOW! What a copied idea…!!!
• I knew that GHAJINI has a SHORT-TERM MEMORY LOSS… but found out that RAJSHRI PRODUCTIONS is suffering from a THREE DECADE MEMORY LOSS SYNDROME. They are absolutely stuck in a time machine that always reads 1970-1980.
• The Music and Lyrics by RAVINDRA JAIN in the film are as pathetic as the movie itself. To give a hint of the sound they emanate… there is a song that reads… “Tujh Me Zinda Hun Main, Mujh mein Zinda Hai Tu…” with an overtly accented Z which makes it sound like a series of abuses by the male to the female protagonist. How romantic…!!!
• The Screenplay by SHASHI MITTAL & SUMEET H MITTAL goes something on these lines… “1 Horrible Song… 2 Acting Duds… 3 Boring Scenes… 4 Filmy Dialogues…” and then something really exciting happens… “1 Horrible Song… 2 Acting Duds… 3 Boring Scenes… 4 Filmy Dialogues…”

JUST STAY-CLEAR FROM RAJSHRI PRODUCTIONS.

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FILM: Dasvidaniya
LANGUAGE: Hindi
STAR CAST: Vinay Pathak, Sarita Joshi, Rajat Kapoor, Saurabh Shukla, Neha Dhupia, Joy Fernandes, Gaurav Gera, Bijendra kala, Suchitra Pillai, Purbi Joshi, Chandan Bisht, Svetlana, Suresh Menon, Sonia Rakkar, Ranvir Shorey, Shurobi Menon
LYRICS: Kailash Kher
SINGERS: Kailash Kher, Sonu Nigam, Paresh & Naresh
MUSIC & BACKGROUND SCORE: Kailash Kher, Paresh & Naresh
SOUND DESIGNERS: Shajith Koyeri & Sateesh P M
DIRECTOR: Shashant Shah
CO-PRODUCERS: Guneet Monga & Sikhya Entertainment
PRODUCERS: Azam Khan & Vinay Pathak
PRODUCTION: One More Thought Entertainment & Lemontea Productions

DASVIDANIYA would be another run-off-the-mill music album which would have no significance for the movie as the movie is obviously seems… truly hatke. But have a semblance of hope as the new age musicians in the form of trio KAILASH KHER, NARESH KAMATH & PARESH KAMATH are at the helm. Lets check out what is in store for our ears…

TRACK 1: Alvida
RUN TIME: 5:01 Min.
SINGER: Kailash Kher

KAILASH KHER never ceases to startle me. He is one of the brightest, true-blue musicians that are rare to find. And when he comes together with Naresh & Paresh… magic happens. Kailash’s lyrics in this track Alvida… are all about the dilemma that the protagonist in the movie finds himself in and the ways that he tries to blend himself with the world around him. Just dig in to the depth of this one line… “Zindagi Naaa… Mil… Ajnabi Banke…” Music does absolute justice to the soul stirring lyrics. The track starts in a lightish and mellow percussion with soothing guitar and low beats inviting Kailash’s vocals to join and indeed he joins… in his inimitable style. But then some magic takes places with the tune which is folksy-light-rock with guitar and drum combination takes off in grand style while never losing the soothing feel they render to the scintillating tune. A brief solo guitar and chorus cuts in a couple of times to take us in to another dimension musically speaking. And to top it… the song or the lyrics never go overboard and ends when you are asking for more… That’s the stroke of pure genius.

TRACK 2: Mumma
RUN TIME: 4:29 Min.
SINGER: Kailash Kher

MUMMA is an absolutely delightful listen. Superb lyrics again by Kailash Kher who also gave his restrained and aptly modulated vocals. The situation of the song is… when the protagonist sings paeans to his mother in what can be described as an extremely simple, touching and hummable tune. Music never overtakes the vocals and acts as an accompaniment via guitar and beautiful strokes on the Congo drums. Superb ode to each and every mother in the world with easy and palatable feelings for everyone.

TRACK 3: Muskura
RUN TIME: 3:40 Min.
SINGER: Sonu Nigam

SONU NIGAM gets into the retro-ish mood when crooning for this beautiful melody that takes us back to the days of the melodious 70s-80s. Sonu sung very softly with a touch of hitch-ki in his vocals that was the trademark of that era. What makes it retro-ish is the accordion (taking us to Goa perhaps….) that is prominent through out the track. This track is a testimony to the versatility of Kailash-Paresh-Naresh (Band Kailasa). A scintillating piece to say the least.

TRACK 4: Alvida (Remix)
RUN TIME: 4:19 Min.
SINGER: Kailash Kher, Paresh & Naresh

I am really appalled with this remix. I can’t understand why the sensible people that are associated with this project needed this at all. Because it seems like a forced techno twist to what essentially is a sad song which happened to be a masterpiece. But what can one do…? There are takers for these tracks too. Even imagining someone drunk to death dancing to this sad song never understanding what really the song says… makes me burst into laughter. Anyway, as for reviewing it, ironically there are enough synthesized beats accompanied by trance to make it a foot-tapping-sad-track.

TRACK 5: Muskura (Instrumental)
RUN TIME: 3:19 Min.

MUSKURA is a perfect choice for going instrumental as it is primarily dominated by the accordion, which is the binding soul of the track in the vocal version too. Add some beautifully strummed guitar strokes with low beats in the background and you have a track which can be heard a zillion times. Simply superb.

DASVIDANIYA has certainly surprised me with its raw musical appeal that most of the music industry is losing at a fast pace. I wish this effort of Kailash-Naresh-Paresh goes a long way to blossom their career.

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FILM: The Visitor
LANGUAGE: English / French / Arabic
RELEASE DATE: 7 September, 2007 In Toronto Film Festival
RUN TIME: 104 Min.
STAR CAST: Richard Jenkins, Haaz Sleiman, Danai Jekesai Gurira, Hiam Abbas, Marian Seldes, Waleed Zuaiter, Ashley Springer, Amir Arison And Others
MUSIC: Jan A P Kaczmarek
EDITING: Tom McArdle
CINEMATOGRAPHY: Oliver Bokelberg
ART: Len Clayton
SCREEN WRITER & DIRECTOR: Thomas McCarthy
PRODUCTION DESIGNER: John Paino
PRODUCERS: Michael London, Mary Jane Skalski & Jeff Skoll
PRODUCTION COMPANIES: Groundswell Productions, Next Wednesday Productions & Participant Productions

THOMAS McCARTHY is one of the most promising Screen Writer cum Directors. Back in 2003, he gave us the fantastically written independent movie THE STATION AGENT. And now, he comes back in the form of THE VISITOR. Lets welcome this visitor…

A college professor travels to New York City to attend a conference and finds a young couple living in his secondary apartment. Learning their helpless state, he lets them stay for a while and develops an almost instantaneous bonding.

• RICHARD JENKINS has impressed me in many character roles through out his career. I knew that he would surprise us all when given enough screen time. He showed his flashes of brilliance even in some very ordinary movies like RUMOR HAS IT… And through THE VISITOR, he got his long overdue screen time. Every blink of his eye, conveys something… which is very hard to find in many of the so called leading stars. He plays the role of a college professor Walter Vale, who is a widower and simply disinterested in his mundane job and so his life. He lives through the character with so much conviction that it is hard for us not to empathize his situation. He is definitely in for a long round of applause by the public and award juries alike.
• Now, is there any sane mind out there that thinks HIAM ABBAS as a lesser actress? Once again, Abbas shows her resolute self in the character that demands a lot of restraint and lesser dialogue. She is quite charming even at her age. She plays the role of Mouna Khalil, mother of Tarek Khalil.
• The other primary characters of Tarek Khalil & Zainab are portrayed by HAAZ SLEIMAN & DANAI JEKESAI GURIRA. Well, these are the young couple that stays in Walter’s apartment. They both are equally competent in their respective roles. There are no overtures by either of them and Tarek’s portrayal as an African Drummer is instantly likable.
• Although this movie is a very low budgeted one, there is high quality filming all through the movie and the Original Music Score by JAN A P KACZMAREK is simply superb. Having Music at the heart of this movie needed an authentic sound and feel which is fulfilled to perfection by Kaczmarek.
• The most crucial part of THE VISITOR is the Screenplay and Direction by THOMAS McCARTHY. As there is a very thin script, it needed a very gentle pace which neither skips our attention nor overwhelms us with narration. If it were to be paced any faster… we would have definitely missed the affectionately warm vibes that are being felt now. As we start digging deep in to the character of Walter as the movie progresses, we realize that he is not a cliche (some might think in the beginning…). For example, when Walter visits Tarek in the detention center with a letter from Tarek’s girlfriend or mother… while holding up the letter against the glass wall for Tarek to read… he just looks away to give Tarek enough privacy for his emotions. Extremely detailed character! Isn’t it? In one of most disarming scenes, Mouna Khalil makes an ineffectual appeal to her son’s lawyer, who is too busy to devote his full attention to her. The scene seems obvious and even a bit cliche… with an overworked lawyer who is a Middle Eastern immigrant. But just when it’s about to derail, McCarthy subverts our expectations with a fleeting moment of sympathy. That’s the beauty of good Screen Writing. Moreover, the central theme of the Screenplay spins around the longingness and bonding of humans which may seem instantaneous but in reality just need some catalytic factor to stimulate them… in this case MUSIC.

• The only let down as far as SCREEN WRITING goes is NOT the premise of letting the strangers stay in his apartment as that is very well articulated. In fact, it is the very manner that the first acquaintance takes place. When Walter (Richard Jenkins) walks in to his apartment and finds that there is someone else in the house (as there is a vase with fresh flowers), like in a typical B grade Hollywood horror movie, he slowly and silently checks every room instead of just asking out loud “Is there anyone in the home…?” This scene is not in tune with the rest of the qualitative writing.

THE VISITOR, in essence, is a warm tale which might be a bit cliched with its premise, but told in a manner that reeks of realism, genuine concern as it brings forth the misunderstood borders between people. Many high handed Americans might cry foul about the setup of the movie which deals with Stringent Immigration Laws… but the truth remains that it is one of the most simple, unpretentious and heart warming movies in recent times.

As for any lessons that INDIAN FILM INDUSTRY has to learn from this movie… it would be to forgo the pathetic excuse that Hollywood or Foreign movies have higher budgets to make so many brilliant movies. Including the remunerations for THE VISITOR, it would be nowhere closely budgeted to the high budget movies in India.

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FILM: Golmaal Returns
LANGUAGE: Hindi
RELEASE DATE: October 29, 2008
STAR CAST: Ajay Devgan, Arshad Warsi, Shreyas Talpade, Tusshar Kapoor, Kareena Kapoor, Anjana Sukhani, Amrita Arora, Celina Jaitley, Sanjay Mishra, Ashwini Kalsekar, Murli Sharma, Vrajesh Hirjee, Preeti Bhutani, Rakhi Vijan, Mukesh Tiwari, Ram Kapoor, Upasna Singh And Others
DIALOGUES: Neeraj Vora
LYRICS: Sameer, Neeraj Shridhar, Ashiesh Pandit, Suzie Q, Indie, Vishal Dadlani, Kumaar
SINGERS: Neeraj Shridhar, Anvesha Dutta, Akruti Kakkar, Earl, Indie, Benny Dayal, Suhail Kaul, Suzi Q, Anushka Manchandani, Monali, Shekhar Ravjiani, Sneha Pant, Shaan, K K, Sunidhi Chauhan, Vishal Dadlani & Javed Ali
MUSIC: Ashiesh Pandit, Pritam Chakraborthy, Vishal Dadlani & Shekhar Ravjiani
EDITING: Steven H Bernard
ART: Narendra Rahurikar
STORY: Rumi Jaffrey
DIRECTION: Rohit Shetty
PUBLICITY DESIGNER: Rahul Nanda & Himanshu Nanda
PRO: Parag Desai
PRODUCER: Dhilin Mehta
BANNER: Shree Ashtavinayak Cinevision Ltd.,
CASSETTES & CDs: T Series

GOLMAAL is back or as they put it RETURNS. But should it, at all? Or would you put your valuable time and money of your life into it? These are some of the questions that were circling the forums on the internet. Moreover, brilliant actor SHARMAN JOSHI is not in the fray and so the interest level has gone down for me at least. Obviously, it would be a nonsense movie but would it achieve the trademark slapstick comedy status that NAKED GUN series or some of the other series like AUSTIN POWERS have achieved so brilliantly… is the moot point. Generally, when a movie becomes an unexpected hit and a sequel follows… the result would be much more refined and carefully driven. So, lets check it out…

GOLMAAL RETURNS kind of movies never have a PLOT as such. They only have a skeletal line that surrounds the script that is filled with gags and well… more gags. So, lets just skip it.

• NONE
• NONE
• NONE and so on and so forth…

• KAREENA KAPOOR becomes the queen of hammers in this movie. She OVER ACTS to the extent that CORN in our hands would start POPPING out… probably to escape. She is so horrible. She has a HUGE HEAD which didn’t SHRINK with her BODY. And speaking of BODY… which was regarded as the hottest in the industry until recently, is reduced to a CURVELESS, ANOREXIC show piece for medical students. Undoubtedly, our FOOL NO: 1
• AJAY DEVGAN would quickly lose respect in the industry if he indulges in these movies which have neither sense nor substance. If he is in need of money… then he can do some Bhojpuri films any day… isn’t it? Why is he emptying our pockets? He is the FOOL NO: 2
  
• TUSSHAR KAPOOR having no other go… falls back on his over achieving sister to take care of his career as she has produced this shit and also became one of the laughing pieces in the film and outside of it too. He is defenitely the FOOL NO: 3
• ARSHAD WARSI too falls in to the category of Tusshar… who is of no substance without the MUNNA BHAI to take care of him. He is the FOOL NO: 4
• SHREYAS TALPADE, who was so brilliant in WELCOME TO SAJJANPUR wears a wig that is like at best a bird’s nest. And then having nothing to do… he follows in the foot steps of others to become our FOOL NO: 5
• CELINA JAITLEY… I just can’t write anything about her. All she had to offer were some curves through out her laughable career. And in this film… we get to see NONE of those curves. FOOL NO: 6
• Bollywood needs to know that humour involving physically challenged people is funny but humour on physically challenged people is just DISTASTEFUL. There are gags about DUMB people. There are gags about DEAF people. To top that… there are stupid gags on TAMILIANS. There is a complete highly bedgeted parody song on a song from SIVAJI of RAJNI KANTH. And even with a reported budget of more than Rs. 5 Crore, it is no match to the SHANKAR directed song. There are also gags on GAYS. There is just no limit. So, everyone involved in this movie… from the Producer to the Director to the Writer… is FOOL NO: 7
• RAJEEV MASAND is one of the most respected CRITICS of Bollywood. He gave FASHION a rating of 3/5 and GOLMAAL RETURNS a rating of 2/5. It was this rating that prompted me to watch this movie. He is the FOOL NO: 8
• And finally… to have knowingly tortured myself… I AM FOOL NO:9

GOLMAAL RETURNS should have never returned. So, as there is a 10th SEAT available… wanna join us?

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