The truth is, as psychologist and concentration camp survivor Viktor Frankl wrote, we all have the capacity to find meaning in the most seemingly hopeless circumstances. Frankl witnessed fellow prisoners singing even as they were being led to their deaths, leading him to believe that all human beings have the nuts and bolts to engineer their own responses to pressure and extreme circumstances.

We have choice. Granted, sometimes due to injury or genetics, certain brain networks malfunction, locking such potential in a dark cellar. In general, once we become aware of and experience our ability to create a particular perspective, we can harness that power and form a kind of immunity to circumstances and experiences that might otherwise overwhelm us.

When have you experienced such resilience? Maybe you were teased as a kid on the playground and were able to let it roll off your back. Perhaps you’ve faced a serious medical problem and were able to accept it and not let it define you at the same time. Or maybe you are one of those people who just prefer to see the upside. That’s a form of resiliency.

One way to deliberately build your natural resilience is to practice finding positives—about anything, but especially events or ideas that you may initially find completely objectionable. Start by finding one or two, and more will follow. Try for at least four.

For example: Say you lose your job unexpectedly. Your first thought may not be, “Wow. This is fantastic!” That’s OK. Your second thought could be, “Well, this is an opportunity for something new.” That’s one. Maybe the second is, “And now I will have time to read the paper in the morning.” And so on.

Positives don’t have to be major. The energy from the most basic, positive thought is what is actually changing the chemistry in your brain. And that’s what you’re looking for. You want to alter your thought pattern, strengthening the structures that those positive notions are forming.

I’m not suggesting resilient people don’t drift toward the other end of the spectrum. We are human, and sometimes even the sunniest people end up in the shade for awhile. The sun doesn’t go away when the clouds come, though. It’s there. Waiting for a shift in the weather. Which is inevitable. We just have to choose to wait or go find the sun elsewhere.

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My first thought was, “My boss has that answer; so it’s really not worth me calling her back because I can’t help her anyway.” My second thought was, “My boss may not be able to get to this for a couple of days. Meantime, this woman deserves to know that her message didn’t fall into the voice mail Bermuda Triangle.

So I called her back. I didn’t give her the information she was looking for, but I did keep the communication moving.

How often do the balls in our court gather dust because we think we can’t respond at all until we have complete information? Or we put off making the phone call or sending the “Thanks, but no thanks” letter because we don’t want to deliver the rejection?

Granted, sometimes we fully intend to get back to someone in a timely manner and we simply forget—and not everyone’s definition of “timely manner” is the same. And e-mails do get stuck in spam filters and Post-It messages do fall behind desks.

I’m talking about the times you know you’re procrastinating because you’re uncomfortable or because you’re assuming it can wait. Maybe you can wait. And it’s not just about you.

This is about integrity and something called “other awareness.”

Having integrity means that if you’ve promised Amy Applicant that you’re going to make a decision about the position by a certain date, you either meet your deadline or let her know that the timetable has changed.

Being “other aware” means that even if you can’t give Amy what she expects, you do your best to keep the communication moving. You acknowledge her inquiries and keep her informed about the process. And then as soon as you do have an answer, you are authentic with her about it as soon as it’s practical.

Silence not only stops the communication flow and puts your integrity and empathy into question, it allows the other person’s imagination to fill in the gaps, which often complicates later interactions.

Yes, you have a lot on your plate. Yes, sometimes those return calls and emails will fall through the cracks. But if you can catch yourself pushing them into the cracks, you can keep some of them from landing there.

I was four minutes from the office when I reached for it—a practically Pavlovian response to a stop at a red light—and felt a disappointingly empty space in my purse. For the next two minutes, I actually considered turning around and driving all the way back home to get it.

All of a sudden, I felt out of sorts. Unreachable and unable to connect. And even though I’d be booting up the laptop and logging on in, like, seven blocks, it didn’t seem soon enough.

But I had just read a New York Times column on the psychological and spiritual benefits of unplugging—ironically, posted by several people the day before on Facebook—and so I kept driving.

Because really, now.

And it occurs to me it probably wasn’t an accident at all that I left the phone to beep and buzz at the empty kitchen and the cats, who were unlikely to leap from the sunny spot to see who might have Liked a status update.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the pace of and full plates in my life and if I want to sustain them. And so maybe my subconscious did a little beta test on me.

To be real, I had plenty of access from the office that day. By no means was I cloistered in some web-less tower. Yet, there were short stretches of time when I had no technology to interact with—unless talking back to the radio counts.

And the fact that I was so keenly aware of those brief detachments makes me wonder if I could adjust to a longer one.

Of course, I’d be fine.

According to the Times columnist, I’d probably be better than fine:

“A series of tests in recent years has shown . . . that after spending time in quiet rural settings, subjects ‘exhibit greater attentiveness, stronger memory and generally improved cognition. Their brains become both calmer and sharper.’ More than that, empathy, as well as deep thought, depends . . . on neural processes that are ‘inherently slow.’”

I think the key to purposely, easily unplugging is to recognize that our value as human beings doesn’t depend on how accessible and responsive we are to others or on how much information we try to consume or on consuming it at all.

That “out of sorts” sensation I had when I realized the phone wasn’t there was a little cosmic tap on the shoulder—letting me know that perhaps I’ve become overly reliant on external things, like technology, for feeling at ease.

So I’m adding a New Year’s resolution to the list. And it’s not about prescribing some definite amount of no-phone or no-computer time. It’s more of a thought resolution. If I can remind myself that my well-being is not about my doing anything, the next time I forget the phone, or the wireless is down, or the iPod isn’t charged, I will think less about what I’m missing and more about what I’m gaining.

It’s a fresh take on that ubiquitous Gandhi quote “Be the change you wish to see in the world.”

Apparently, while some Occupy protestors have adopted Gandhi as their mascot, they may be missing a key part of his message: That after you call out a perceived injustice, you must get directly and collaboratively involved in fixing it. “Pointing fingers and assigning blame is easy,” Desai wrote. “But they are most meaningful when they set the stage for constructive social action.”

So, why do we get stuck in blame in the first place, and how can we either avoid it or get unstuck and become the solution?

We blame for a combination of reasons, including frustration over getting something we didn’t want (or not getting something we wanted) and the human tendency to deflect responsibility.

But to get out of blaming you first have to be aware that you’re in it and see the value in making another choice, which can be difficult when you’re emotional about a cause. The sense of righteousness we experience when we blame can feel very energizing.

Perhaps even more difficult is examining your role in the problem you’re protesting. Desai points out Gandhi’s belief that “the British Empire existed because Indians had let it exist.” Likewise, “. . . the drastic income inequality in America . . . is here because Americans collectively allow it.”

This is a hard pill to swallow—if for no other reason than it means you’ll have to do the hard work of changing how you think. And remember, we like the easy stuff. But if you can summon the humility and courage to acknowledge that there is more than one way to look at the problem, you start to see it objectively and holistically. This is a much more effective perspective.

Another tool that can transform your energy for change into action is finding positives.

Once you acknowledge that a problem is a collective one, you break through the “us and them” barrier. This makes it easier to see positives in points of view other than your own because you are no longer demonizing people who don’t agree with you. Suddenly, you’re all equally culpable for and capable of finding a way out of the mess.

Be the voice, by all means. Then be the change you’re shouting about.

We’d love for you to weigh in on this conversation. What changes do you find yourself wishing for and how have you succeeded in moving from wishing to action? Leave your comments below.

Certainly, it can take courage to make a bold, definitive statement about who you are or to confront someone else with uncomfortable facts or opinions. The social, political, and cultural progress we’ve made in the last 200-plus years owes much to those who’ve been willing to take unpopular positions or not take “no” for an answer.

Much progress has also been made when leaders have had the guts to admit their perspectives are limited. But it’s risky to be the kind of person who changes your mind about “the truth” when new information comes along—because it may mean you’ll have to reconsider, revise, restate, or retract an idea or position you’ve been really passionate about. And in this country, we tend to judge that as a weakness.

Perhaps we judge it that way because if you don’t pick a side and stick to it, you’re too hard for me to figure out—and I don’t like things I can’t figure out. Plus, you might not always agree with me if you’re a moving target, and I need the comfort of knowing my leaders agree with me.

The ironic thing about those who project such adamancy is that they’re often compensating for a lack of confidence. It’s a double-layered inauthenticity: They’re inauthentic about the limitations of what they’re saying. The inauthenticity also comes from the mismatch between the outer confidence and the inner doubt, which they may or may not be entirely aware of.

There are a lot of positives about being rooted in your values. And true strength is both rigid and flexible. Look at a 100-year-old oak tree. Would it have lasted that long if it didn’t bend and sway in the wind?

Integrity and honesty must be accompanied with vulnerability.  It takes far more courage to admit one’s mistakes and uncertainties. While appearing invulnerable and confident in all situations may curb public panic and win votes, it doesn’t foster authenticity. 

Authenticity, requires not only courage, it requires a two-fold commitment: One commitment is to communicating and making decisions based on your current best understanding; however, understanding doesn’t equal certainty.  It is simply the best the leader currently knows or thinks they know.

The second commitment is to acknowledging that there is always more to learn. What you think is accurate at any given moment must be balanced with a degree of uncertainty and the probability of unanticipated consequences.

By all means, tell it like it is. Just be willing to hear it like it might be, too.

According to a new study by Executive Development Associates (EDA), an Oklahoma City-based research and consulting firm, leadership ability and strategic thinking used to top the list. But the pace and magnitude of change in the 21^st century have created a strong need for people who have “heightened ability in recognizing assumptions, evaluating arguments, and drawing clear and valid conclusions.”

So what does this mean to you?

Well, it depends. You may already be good at it. If you tend to be detailed and logical in your analysis and decision making, identify and challenge your assumptions, and look for evidence to back up your conclusions, critical thinking is a natural skill for you.

On the other hand, if you tend to make quick judgments and feel uncomfortable with reasoning that’s not consistent with your own, critical thinking may be something you want to work on.

Whether it’s natural or not, you can always hone this skill. And the first step is to recognize the difference between thinking critically and criticizing. When you criticize, your motivation is typically to point out what you believe is wrong or bad about a person or an idea. Thinking critically is about stepping outside your beliefs and assumptions and objectively analyzing what you observe—“observe” being a key term.

Observation and evaluation are two different things. Observation doesn’t carry any judgment. It’s simply a gathering of information based on what you experience with your physical senses. The longer you stay in observation mode, the more complete your data will be before you start analyzing it.

Of course you’re not a robot—you have biases and experiences that will affect what and maybe even how you observe things. The key is to be aware of your filters and catch yourself making assumptions. This will help you avoid jumping to premature conclusions.

Another important nuance of critical thinking is that it can lead you to premature positive conclusions just as easily as it can lead you to negative ones.  Strong critical thinkers accept that they must identify weaknesses even in those ideas and perspectives that they want to believe are flawless. 

The benefit of being a critical thinker goes beyond just being better at reasoning. EDA’s new research also revealed a prevalent belief among executives that strong critical thinkers are more likely to be good at creative problem solving and strategic planning.

These findings align with what we’ve found in our several decades of behavioral research and consulting. The ability of critical thinkers to see more than one dimension in an idea or perspective exposes them to a broader range of possibilities. And because they’re less likely to pass judgment on those possibilities, they’re more apt to consider and play around with ideas until they discover truly innovative and practical ideas. This is the kind of big-picture, or holistic, thinking that makes a leader good at creating effective long-term strategies.

Click here for information on an assessment that measures your critical thinking capacity, as well as your creative and holistic thinking skills.

Perhaps Lincoln would be hip enough to adapt to the Twitter and status update generation; point is, we have become a bullet point culture with a generally low tolerance for listening.  

Technology and modern media have conditioned us to believe that we are digesting complete information in just seconds, during which time we’re not even really giving it our full focus—because we are trying to do and think about several things at once.

There have been plenty of reports in the last year or so picking apart the myth of the multi-tasker. Turns out, our brains can’t actually manage more than one task or process more than one message at a time—at least not very effectively.

Case in point: It took me 30 minutes to write the first 158 words of this blog post because I stopped to respond to an instant message on Facebook, then see who was singing that version of “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” on Pandora, then answer my cell phone.

OK. I’ve logged off of the Internet completely. Moving on . . .

So, what are we missing out on while we’re trying to stretch our brains in a bajillion directions? The ability to become good listeners, for one thing. We humans already are prone to focus more on what’s going on in our own heads than we are to what’s coming out of someone else’s mouth. Add to that the rapidly growing distraction of technology, and we’re lucky to catch half of what’s being said—what’s really being said—on the other side of a conversation.

Good news is, we still have the capacity to slow down and focus. We can choose whether or not to respond to the demands on our attention. We can choose to listen.

Here are some tips for clearing room in your head to take in what someone else wants you to hear and understand:

• Log off. You can always get your email or Tweet your Tweet later.
• Calm down. Inhale, exhale, and focus on your breathing process. This meditative exercise actually strengthens the brain’s alpha rhythms, which play a key role in minimizing the power of distractions.
• Be aware. Observe how you are reacting to and how you are interpreting what you’re hearing; then resist the urge to evaluate. Just listen.
• Be quiet. Let the speaker finish before you talk.
• Paraphrase completely. Restate in your own words what you’ve heard—try to capture the content, emotion, and whatever was said between the lines. And get confirmation that your paraphrase is correct.
• Find value. There are positives and drawbacks in all things. Point out the upsides before you address the downsides.

For the record, with all the quiet in my mind, I wrote the last 283 words in 15 minutes.

So it’s been 10 years since that brilliantly blue September day–the day the war came to us.

And regardless of how your beliefs, world views, and habits have since changed (or not), it would be easy to argue that as a country, we seem to be less trusting, increasingly inclined to pass judgment quickly (sometimes harshly), and more apt to seek shelter in absolutes.

Some will say that these are the prices we have to pay to protect our physical safety.

Perhaps.

Perhaps at the same time, our culture is paying a price in the form of lost creativity, missed chances to connect with and learn from each other, and less freedom to explore possibilities.

Now, we’re an enormous, diverse country. So there are people and organizations that have resisted—even ignored—the temptation to draw inward, to cling to a narrowly defined status quo.

A seemingly strong organizational example is Netflix. The DVD and movie-on-demand company’s CEO recently released a slideshow describing the Netflix culture, which appears to be deeply rooted in a belief that trust, respect, and high expectations lead to accountability, innovation, and very little need for top-down control.

Among the unconventional statements about the company’s values and culture:

• “. . . treat people with respect, independent of their status or disagreement with you.”
• “. . . say what you think even if it is controversial.”
•  “The rare responsible person: self-motivating, self-aware, self-disciplined, self-improving, acts like a leader, doesn’t wait to be told what to do, picks up the trash lying on the floor.”
•  “Netflix vacation policy and tracking: There is no policy or tracking. There is also no clothing policy at Netflix, but no one comes to work naked.”
• “Some people will move up in [compensation] very quickly because their value in the marketplace is moving up quickly; . . . some people will stay flat because their value in the marketplace has done that.”

That’s great, you say—but Netflix is one of those edgy techie companies; it’s supposed to push the envelope. So good for Netflix. We’re a traditional company with traditional people, and we don’t want to risk changing rules that have worked for us for so long—especially in these uncertain times.

There is value in your tested, proven ways of doing things. Use them as a foundation for building new, even more effective ways of managing people, running your organization, and planning your future.

Among the many lessons of 9/11 is that nothing, including our belief that some things are certain, is certain. And the more willing you are to challenge your beliefs and ideas—whether they’re about leadership, your employees, or your organization—the more agile and able to thrive during uncertainty you become.

Management expert and author Daniel Pink makes a compelling argument that empowerment is “just another form of control”—because it implies that someone other than you has all the power and is sort of doling it out to you, like charity.

 According to Pink, people want to be autonomous, not empowered. He says the “quest for sovereignty, for self direction, and a resistance to control” are fundamental to the human condition. And healthy organizations are those that let go of the outdated notion that employees need to be, well, managed—at least in the conventional sense. 

In our several decades of consulting and coaching, we have found overwhelming evidence that this is true. We are at our best when we tap into our intrinsic value and motivation to do our best. And while no one can diminish our inherent worth, they can certainly create an environment that supports or blocks our ability to be self-directed.

So, how do you move away from this 20th century top-down, command-and-control mindset?

We suggest you start by changing how you talk about your organization. Put aside the idea that there has to be a top, a bottom, and a ladder that connects them. Picture instead a horizontal spectrum, containing each person’s unique contributions, talent potential, and intrinsic needs. As the leader, you may often be the one taking the initiative to create—and assuming primary responsibility for—the big picture.
 
Sometimes, though, the energy will shift, and the initiative and accountability will be concentrated at another point on the spectrum. You don’t have to do anything except allow this shift to happen. 

In a creative, supportive environment, people will naturally step in and out of leadership roles. With innovative leadership, their internal motivation will spur them to share their best ideas, identify problems and solutions, and take ownership of outcomes. This will be easier for you to encourage if you let go of the need to be seen as always “in charge.”

In the 21st century, business is not usual anymore. The thinking that created the way we ran factories and offices of the 1900s does not apply to how people want—and need—to work now. Modern, globally minded employees are attracted to the more-fluid organization in which self-directed individuals are part of a dynamic team because they choose to be, not because someone up top empowered them.