I Love Purple More Than You

Birthmother's Day

noreply@blogger.com (Gingersnaps) — Sun, 13 May 2012 02:12:00 +0000

Birthmother's Day was started by a group of birthmothers in Seattle, WA in 1990. Since birthmothers are the "first mothers" of adopted children, they chose the day before Mother's Day as Birthmother's Day.

It is a day we've always held dear to our hearts as we've celebrated Miss Alexa, the birthmom of our son Seamus for almost 8 years now. As many of you know, we have an open adoption. We made this video years ago (with the permission of Alexa) to show what open adoption means for our family.

Every year on Birthmother's Day we send flowers to Alexa and tell her again how much she means to our family. Today Seamus wanted to make his own video message to her. It was so sweet, I just had to share. I love that he will always know who she is, and how much she loves him. I love that he feels free to celebrate the special bond he has with Alexa. A few years ago he said, "I was in Miss Alexa's tummy. That's why she loves me so much!" Yep, that pretty much sums it up!

We are so blessed to have Alexa in our family.

Introducing... The Fayye Foundation

noreply@blogger.com (Gingersnaps) — Fri, 11 May 2012 07:00:00 +0000

Wow, yesterday was quite a media storm for my girl Jamie and her controversial Time Magazine cover! If you're offended by the title, I implore you to read Jamie's Q&A with Time Magazine, to see that while she has chosen extended breast feeding for her family, she has the utmost respect for mothers who don't. In fact, she's one of the most non-judgmental people I know. She did not pick the title of the article! Unfortunately her personal blog has been down due to traffic, but they're working hard to get it back up. In the meantime, reporters and news media have been contacting me through our Mommy Hates Chemicals blog, to try and get in touch with Jamie. Thankfully Time Magazine is helping her out by assigning her a PR person to handle all the media. She will be on the Today Show (today!) at the 9:ooam hour, being interviewed by Matt Lauer and will also be on Dateline tonight, discussing Attachment Parenting and her decision to choose extended breast feeding for her family. Yay for Jamie! I didn't do extended breast feeding with my kids, but I fully support Jamie's decision to go public about a topic she is very passionate about!

So speaking of Jamie, the big news is that she and I (and several other amazing people) have started a non-profit organization to help the Sidama people of Ethiopia. There are over 70 different ethnic groups in Ethiopia, each with their own customs, languages and food. Jamie and I both adopted a child from Ethiopia, and both of our children (her son and my daughter) are from the Sidama ethnic group. As adoptive parents of Sidama children, we feel a responsibility to our children's people. We've been working on this for a long time, so we are especially excited that our site has finally gone live.

Click Here to visit our site.

That's actually a picture of my daughter at the orphanage, being held by a nanny who is also Sidama.

This is my beautiful daughter now, six years later.

Though Jamie and I are adoptive parents of Sidama children, we do not feel that adoption is the solution to the orphan crisis in Ethiopia and among the Sidama people. We feel the solution to the orphan crisis is to help prevent maternal mortality, and improve access to health care to help keep families together.

In Ethiopia, the culture is that an Ethiopian's last name is their father's first name. My daughter's original last name (and current middle name) is Fayye. It was the name of her now deceased father. It's a traditional Sidama name meaning, "to be well/to be made well", often given to a child that was sick and then became healthy. Jamie and I felt that the Fayye Foundation was the perfect name for our non-profit organization, as that is our goal with the Sidama people.

Our current goal is to raise money to help fund projects that are already in place in the Sidama region of Ethiopia, but eventually we hope to have an office in the Sidama region so we can have a more hands-on participation in helping the people there.

Time Magazine and Extended Breastfeeding

noreply@blogger.com (Gingersnaps) — Thu, 10 May 2012 18:36:00 +0000

I'm excited to announce that my co-blogger, Jamie, at Mommy Hates Chemicals is on the cover of Time Magazine!!

Their current issue is about Attachment Parenting, which covers extended breastfeeding, co-sleeping and baby wearing.

Sure it's a controversial topic and Time Magazine was going for shock value, but if anyone can rock a magazine cover with a kid on their boob, it's Jamie!!

One of the things I love about Jamie, is that while she and I raise our children very differently, she never judges people for making different decisions than she does, for their family. It's why we're such close friends, and why I agreed to do the Natural Product review blog with her, when I don't normally use Natural Products!

Jamie is also an adoptive parent of an Ethiopian child, like me, and she discusses adoptive breastfeeding in her Q&A with Time Magazine. To read her Q&A, CLICK HERE!

I think she gives a strong message that all moms (whether you agree with her methods or not) need to hear.

And as if that wasn't enough, The Today Show is flying Jamie and her family out to New York today, so they can be interviewed during the 9:00am hour of The Today Show tomorrow! Set your DVRs!

I couldn't be more proud of Jamie.

Used For Slander

noreply@blogger.com (Gingersnaps) — Sat, 05 May 2012 04:08:00 +0000

For those longtime readers of mine, you will know that 95 percent of what I have written on this blog, (since I started it in 2006) is written tongue-in-cheek. I even say not to take me seriously. I've always stood by my written word and I STILL stand by it.

Yesterday I was made aware that an "Adoption Reform" blog (I am not linking to them because I don't want to give them more traffic) was using three of my old posts, and copy/pasted them without permission in a post that was trying to accuse our adoption agency (Wide Horizons For Children) and Dr. Tsegaye of unethical practices and oppression of the ethnic group that my daughter belongs to.

They started off their post saying they had permission to post this information, which was a lie. They committed copyright infringement by copy/pasting my work without permission. I sent them a comment and also emailed them telling them to take down all of my written work, reminding them they were in violation of the law and if they didn't, they would receive a DMCA takedown notice from me. So what did they do? They took off my EXACT written word, but still linked to those three posts and summarized my posts to push their agenda. I emailed them back demanding they remove the summarizes, links and all references to my blog as I vehemently oppose their agenda, and they refused.

Why is it these people refuse to take down the links and summaries of my blog posts? Is it that they have no other adoptive parent's words they can twist against WHFC? I think so. If they removed my blog posts, they'd have no story.

These are the three posts they are using:
http://www.ilovepurplemorethanyou.com/2007/08/very-important-people.html
http://www.ilovepurplemorethanyou.com/2007/11/who-me.html
http://www.ilovepurplemorethanyou.com/2008/06/meet-president.html

These posts were written between 2007-2008.

If for some reason, you are one of the people who came to my blog through that site, I have something I want to make very clear.

My adoption with WHFC in 2006 was very transparent, very ethical and we have an open adoption with my child's surviving relatives to this day. I have met Dr. Tsegaye on several occasions and have witnessed his dedication to the children of Ethiopia, to ethical adoptions and to the continuing communications between adoptive parents and the birth relatives of the adopted children. WHFC has also worked in the communities where they have placed children to help develop schools & hospitals, provide aid to families through sponsorship and to help keep families together.

I am a moderator of three Ethiopian adoption yahoo groups, including the WHFC Yahoo group, which is PARENT run, not agency run. I've heard a lot of horror stories about unethical behavior with adoption agencies but have NEVER heard one in connection to WHFC or Dr. Tsegaye. You can imagine how upset it makes me that someone is twisting my words to use against WHFC. I'm furious.

What about these articles they use saying the government and WHFC have oppressed the ethnic group my daughter belongs to? I've worked hard to stay out of Ethiopian government politics but I apparently keep getting pulled in. The articles they get their information from are written by an Ethnic Liberation (extremist) group. These are the same men that accused me of being a spy for the Ethiopian government. (yes really)

I don't think these people really did their homework. So they are taking the words of an extremist group, and combining three of my old tongue-in-cheek posts to try and prove unethical practices by WHFC and Dr. Tsegaye? Slanderous. And though they might legally be able to link to my blog, I do believe slander is still illegal.

If there were truly proof of unethical behavior, why are they not using other examples? Why will they refuse to remove the links and summaries of my posts?

I could care less what agenda they have on their blog and what accusations they want to make. But LEAVE. ME. OUT. OF. IT.

I believe in adoption reform. I believe all adoptions should be ethical. But this site's highly unethical practices and lack of integrity say a lot about them. It makes me wonder about the validity of the rest of their posts.

I Once Was Nearly Blind... My Eye Surgery Story

noreply@blogger.com (Gingersnaps) — Mon, 16 Apr 2012 07:00:00 +0000

Exactly one year ago I had eye correction surgery. Why did I wait so long to blog about it? Well, I'd rather give an account of the results once I'd fully healed and some time had past than when I was recovering. What better time, than on the one-year anniversary?

Let's back up a bit. I first got glasses in 3rd grade. By the time I was 35, I had a Rx of -7.50 for my contacts (which I wore most of the time) and a Rx of -8.50 for my glasses. My vision was so poor I needed to wear glasses to find the bathroom in the middle of the night. Not kidding.

For years I had no interest in really getting eye surgery. Of course I hated my poor eyesight, but the idea of someone operating (and potentially messing up) on my eyes freaked me out. I mean, what if I ended up blind afterwards? You always hear those horror stories of your Mom's friend's aunt's former neighbor who went in for eye surgery and now can't see at all.

So what changed? Well, I was in my mid-30's and quite frankly was sick of dealing with contacts and glasses. SICK. OF. IT. Also, I learned that a childhood friend (who I babysat a couple of times, but let's forget this because it makes me feel really old) had become one of the leading eye surgeons in the U.S. Also, this childhood friend was using all the latest technology and equipment to assist him with eye surgery. This friend? His name is Joel Hunter, M.D. and he and his older brother started Hunter Vision in Orlando, Florida. So I contacted Dr. Hunter (yeah it feels a little weird to call him that, but he earned that title) and asked him if he thought he could fix my eyes while my family and I took a vacation in Orlando. He thought he could, but of course would have to check my eyes first. If I was eligible for their 3D LASIK procedure, I could have the surgery and fly home just a couple of days later. So we made an appointment and booked our flight to Orlando.

Once we were in Orlando, I showed up for my consultation at Hunter Vision. They gave me a full eye exam which included 3D mapping of my eye. I'm sure it's much more sophisticated but if you want to read about it, you can CLICK HERE. Suffice it to say, it's probably the most comprehensive eye exam you can get. At the end of my exam Dr. Hunter informed me that I was not a candidate for the LASIK procedure. Apparently my corneas are not as thick as he would've liked and if he performed the procedure, it would possibly compromise my future vision. (this is probably where the strip mall doctor might choose to do the procedure on my mom's friend's aunt's former neighbor who would've eventually had vision problems)

Thankfully Dr. Hunter seriously cares about the health of your eyes. I did have one more option. If I could extend my visit for one more week (for recovery) he could do the ASA (Advanced Surface Ablation) procedure, previously known as the PRK procedure. We thankfully had a flexible schedule and were able to stay an additional week for my recovery.

The morning of my procedure they gave me some Valium to help calm me down. As personable as Dr. Hunter and the entire staff are, I was still quite nervous. When I walked in the exam room it looked like something out of Star Trek. Perhaps I would've been more comfortable if it looked more like the inside of the Millenium Falcon, but that's just me. I laid down on the bed and they got me ready. The entire procedure took approximately 6 minutes per eye. There was no cutting involved. I stared at this laser during the procedure and followed instructions while the machine and Dr. Hunter did their work. At one point he brushed away the epithelial layer of my eye (not as creepy as it sounds). There was no pain at all. Afterward I said, "That was it?" and I wondered why I had feared getting eye correction surgery for so many years. They popped in a protective, clear contact lens in each eye and within 15 minutes of the procedure I was on my way home. (Don't worry, I wasn't driving)

The recovery for the ASA is more painful than the Lasik which is why I had to stay an additional week. I'm not going to lie... for the first 3-4 days it felt like my eyes had jalapeño-covered sand in them, but they gave me good pain meds that made it fairly tolerable. My surgery was on a Friday. On Tuesday they removed the protective contact lenses (easy peasy) and examined my eyes. Saturday morning I returned to be re-examined and my vision was 20/15. That means I could read the tiny letters UNDER the 20/20 row on the eye chart. Later that night I flew home to Los Angeles.

I followed all the recovery instructions to a T. I kept up with my various eye drops, and wore my special glasses for a week (which I altered after a trip to Michael's to make them slightly less hideous). I'm going to petition for Hunter Vision to start offering them in "bedazzled" edition or at the very least, in purple.

I couldn't believe how well I could see. I was reading street signs I never could've read with contacts or glasses. I could even see better than my husband, who has never had to wear glasses. He thought that was a little annoying. I think he was just jealous he no longer had the best vision out of the pair of us.

Eight months later I had a quick trip to Orlando, so I decided to stop in and have my eyes checked by Dr. Hunter to see how well they had healed. My vision was STILL 20/15 and he said my eyes had healed so well, no eye doctor would be able to tell I had had eye surgery. Yay!

And now here I am, one year later. My eyes are still 20/15, and I can't believe what a gift this has been. To be able to wake up and see with perfect vision is not something I ever really believed I would have. I'm especially surprised that being a compulsive reader hasn't affected my vision.

Some might think it was crazy for us to fly from Los Angeles to Orlando for my eye surgery, but when you're dealing with something as important as your eyesight, you want to go with the best. You don't want to go somewhere that's having a sale on LASIK procedures in a strip mall, lest you end up like my mom's friend's aunt's former neighbor who lost her eyesight. Plus there might be one or two other attractions in Orlando you can do while you're there.

I can't say enough good things about my experience at Hunter Vision. From the receptionist to the nurse to Dr. Hunter, I felt like I was treated with kid gloves and felt so protected and taken care of. And one day when I'm old and have cataracts, I will return to Orlando and have Dr. Hunter and his team take care of those as well.

Thank you Hunter Vision for giving me the freedom to enjoy life without the hassle of contacts or glasses!

Neighbor Wars: Cat vs. Dog

noreply@blogger.com (Gingersnaps) — Wed, 04 Apr 2012 22:49:00 +0000

Some of my old time readers may remember the time when our neighbors decided it was a good idea to get chickens, including a rooster. When neighbor pets wake me up and disturb my sleep, it makes me think murderous thoughts about how to dispose of said pet. Case in point, this old post of mine regarding the rooster. Eventually when we had had enough, we complained to the neighbor, who got rid of the offending rooster. (why did we wait so long to complain?!)

A couple of years ago those neighbors moved away and a new family moved next door. One of the first things they did when they moved in was get a puppy. Now you guys know we're not dog people. At all. First, dogs have that "dog smell". If you even touch them briefly to be polite to your dog-owning friend, you will have that dog smell on your hand. Plus they sniff your crotch. They lick you and leave their slobber on you. And worst of all... they BARK. I don't know where our neighbors got their dog (puppy mill?), but they happened to get one who barks nonstop all day when they're not home. During the school year when the kids are in school and both parents are working, the dog starts barking around 6:30am.

I'm a night owl. When Marshall is working on a movie, he leaves around 6:30am and gets home at 8pm. We made the decision to homeschool our kids, so they could stay up longer, get quality time with Marshall and then sleep in, in the morning. The new neighbor's dog prevented that from happening. Not only would she start barking before 7am, she would bark for hours on end. And she's a big dog, with a big bark. So every day she would wake me up (and stress me out with the nonstop barking), and she would wake up the kids too, causing them to be cranky. It was a huge level of stress we were dealing with as a family.

Normally one would complain and demand something change. But this was a sensitive issue. Their son and Haven are 3 days apart in age and are close friends . We did/do not want to do anything that would jeopardize their friendship. Marshall is Facebook friends with the dad and a couple of times he very nicely said that we were concerned there was a problem with their dog because she seemed so upset. (read: she barks nonstop and is driving us insane when they're not home) We were very kind about it but they responded defensively. I get it... complaining about someone's pet is a bit like complaining about someone's kid. But they weren't home and had no idea how serious this barking issue was.

Their neighbor on the other side of them approached us and asked if we knew how to complain to the city about the noise nuisance. Those neighbors are dog owners too, so you know it's bad if they wanted to complain. I never told them how to make an official complaint. I felt weird about doing something like that behind their back. Again, I didn't want to jeopardize our son's friendship. One time when Marshall and I were out, a neighbor on the next street over (with a backyard that backs up to their backyard) came to our door to ask if the dog was bugging us as much as it was bugging them. We weren't home, so we obviously didn't get to talk to them as our babysitter relayed their message. I'm not sure which neighbor it was, so I never pursued it.

Their dog also chooses to poo on the side of their yard that borders our yard. When they aren't consistent with cleaning it up, it stinks up our backyard. Not only that, but often we will walk into our master bedroom at night to find that it too reeks of dog poo. (we're on a raised foundation and clearly need better insulation installed under the floor) We haven't alerted them to this very unpleasant occurrence because it probably wouldn't be an issue if we had better insulation.

Several months ago the barking stopped. Their son told my son that they got a shock collar for her. I'm assuming they got a letter from the city about a neighbor complaining and that's why they got the shock collar. I'm also guessing they think we are the neighbors who complained (since it's anonymous) even though we weren't. A shock collar sounds a little cruel, even for a non-loving dog person like myself, but it does stop the barking for the most part and she no longer wakes us up. Yay! (though we still have to deal with the master bedroom frequently smelling like dog poo)

When our elderly outside cat kept getting attacked by our other neighbor's cat, we built a cat enclosure for him. He was lonely so we got him a kitten (Norbert) to keep him company. The two of them were very happy for a couple of years until February of last year when our elderly kitty died. Shortly after, we also let our outside kitty Norbert out of his outdoor enclosure to roam freely.

Our dog-owning neighbors HATE cats. Part of it (I suppose) has to do with their son being mildly allergic to cats. I say "mildly" because he's been to our house on numerous occasions but has never had much reaction to the 5 inside cats we have. The most reaction I've seen is a runny nose and that's when he's been petting the cats.

Our outside cat, Norbert, is very friendly which is something our dog-owning neighbors don't appreciate. They don't like having our cat on their property. I've heard from my son, who hears from their son, that our cat poops in their flower beds, upsets their dog, runs on their roof and uses their welcome mat as a scratching post. Apparently they complain to each other quite a bit about our cat and it gets back to us via our sons. The dad told the son he will have to buy a new welcome mat now because of our cat.

It's gotten to the point where the mother now tells her son he's not allowed inside our house because our house is "infested with cats". (that may be true, but he never had much of a reaction before) She won't even let him play in our backyard because we have outside cats. Uh... what?? They can play in the front yard, but not in the backyard. Again... uh... what??

And while their son has other friends over, every time he asks if Haven can come over, the mom says no. I think they are taking out their frustration about our cat Norbert out on Haven.

So, what to do? I could let this continue on the way it is, but since Haven started Middle School and the social clicks started (in church), he has had trouble making friends. Haven's personality is such that most of his friends are girls. So in church when they split up the genders, Haven has no one to hang out with, and it's very tough on him. I don't want to do something that will jeopardize the relationship with one of the only guy friends he has. At this point Marshall is willing to put our very lovely, very friendly cat in the county shelter just to help save Haven's friendship. I won't agree to that, since the likelihood of him being adopted is low and he would be put to sleep. Plus, he's our kitty. We love him. He's a sweetheart.

I've decided I will give them a gift bag with cat repellent granules they can sprinkle in their flower beds or even along the borders of their property, and cat repellent spray they can spray on their welcome mat. I will include a note apologizing for my cat's behavior. I will offer to buy them a new welcome mat. I will offer to lock our cats away in a bedroom anytime their son wants to come over. I hope they will accept this olive branch and not continue to punish Haven for their frustrations over our cat.

Putting Norbert back in the cat enclosure seems cruel. Putting him in a cat shelter is too awful for me to even consider. To my knowledge, our next door neighbors are the only ones who don't like him. Several other neighbors have said they enjoy him. In fact a couple in our neighborhood stopped by specifically to tell us how much they love our cat since he accompanies them on their nightly walk around the neighborhood with their wolf. (yes, a real wolf)

So I will swallow my pride, apologize and offer those products to my neighbor in hopes that we can mend fences. Because when it comes to my pride, or an important friendship of Haven's, Haven comes first.

Adoption: White People Raising Black Kids

noreply@blogger.com (Gingersnaps) — Sat, 24 Mar 2012 02:23:00 +0000

I'm the white mother of three kids. One is my white, biological son. One is my mixed race (Mexican, Black & White) son through adoption, and one is my black daughter through adoption. I have no idea how my mixed race son will look when he's older but the vast majority of people assume he's our (caucasian) biological son, so for now I will focus on my black daughter.

We have always tried to avoid labels such as "white" and "black" for our kids in favor of "peach, light brown and brown". But let's face it, society views us parents as "white" and our daughter as "black".

Like so many other people, I'm outraged by the Trayvon Martin murder. It's not just about a racist murder, it's about the refusal of the Sanford police department to arrest the paranoid, racist man who killed an unarmed kid.

I've heard so many points of view about this... it's because he was a black kid wearing a hoodie. That is of course no excuse for what happened. That's like blaming a rape victim for being dressed provocatively. There's nothing he could've done to have prevented his murder. But it gets me thinking... what about racial profiling? How are black parents preparing their children for that? What am I missing because I'm a white woman who never has and never will walk in my daughter's shoes? I can't help but think I'm missing some valuable information as a white mother.

Should white people even be raising black kids? That's an uncomfortable question that I don't like to ask myself. Some angry black adoptees who were raised by white parents might argue "no". I tell myself that it's better than being raised in an orphanage. But the reality is I have no idea what my daughter's outcome would've been had we not adopted her. It's really neither here nor there, because we adopted her. She's our daughter and nothing will change that now.

Can I do as good of a job raising a black child as a black mother could do? Goodness, I would never be so bold as to make that assumption. I won't even assume that I'm not messing up my white, biological child. Parenting is all one big experiment really, and we only get one chance to raise our kids. In the end we'll find out how well we did by the relationships we have or don't have with our adult children. It doesn't mean I'm giving up or tackling this with a laissez faire attitude.

I, as a white mom of a black child, take race and racism seriously. It's an issue. While in the year 2012 (with a black president) we have come so far as a country, this Trayvon Martin tragedy shows us that we still have a long way to go.

I can't delude myself into thinking that just because we live in Los Angeles, or that my black child is a girl, that I won't have to prepare her for racism in the world. Just reading Gina L. Carroll's recent post about the Trayvon Martin tragedy and how her kids have personally been affected by racial profiling has reminded me that girls are not immune. While I believe we have it easier in Los Angeles than transracial adoptive families in certain areas of the country, we still have areas of LA where we get open mouthed stares when we go out together as a family. (we try to avoid those areas as much as we can now)

So what have I done to prepare myself to raise a black child? I've read books on transracial adoption. I've tried to educate myself where I can. I joined an online group for white mothers of black children to learn how to take care of my daughter's hair and skin. I try to be an advocate for my kids whenever I can. I try to listen to my black friends and learn from them. Because in the end, I simply don't know what it's like to be black in America.

I grew up with white privilege. I didn't have parents telling me I needed to act or dress a certain way in front of police, or in stores, or while walking alone at night. The fact is racial profiling does happen whether it's with police, or with gun-toting paranoid civilians. What do I do to protect my kids? I don't want my ignorance as a white individual to lead to the possible harm of my child.

This is where we need you, our black friends, to help us fill in the gaps with raising our black children. White parents of black children... ask your black friends for help, and listen to what advice they give you.

While I honestly believe there is nothing Trayvon Martin could've done to prevent his death, there are things we white parents of black children need to know in preparing our children for racism and racial profiling. Teaching them to be proud of their beautiful black skin and hair is simply not enough.

I don't have answers. I only have questions. I need help. I'm listening. Please teach me, so I can prepare my daughter.

Product Review!!!

noreply@blogger.com (Gingersnaps) — Tue, 13 Mar 2012 05:31:00 +0000

My girl Jamie and I (who blog together at Mommy Hates Chemicals) attended the Natural Products Expo as "Press" on Saturday. PLEASE head on over and read our review and tell us what you think. I promise it's entertaining, even if you don't usually use Natural Products (like me!!). Were those crunchy granola vendors nice to chemical-using, non-organic me? Only one way to find out!

CLICK HERE to read the review.

Marshall's Photos For Sale!!!

noreply@blogger.com (Gingersnaps) — Mon, 05 Mar 2012 18:13:00 +0000

Hey everyone, if I had a nickle for how many times I've been told by people that they wish they could buy some of Marshall's photos, I'd have a lot of nickles. Well, this is Marshall's big announcement (which I stole from his blog). The majority of his photos are from his most recent trip to Ethiopia (Lalibela and Bahir Dar), though he has included some beautiful photos from Hawaii, San Diego and Yosemite as well. 100% of the proceeds go to Charity:Water. The site allows you to pick your photo, pick your size and then choose whether or not to have it framed. You buy it from the site and it ships it directly to you.

Monday, March 5, 2012

The Big Day!

I'm going into business! Well, not quite, but I've decided to offer some of my images for sale. I struggled with this because it has never been my desire to make money from my images. At the same time, I would like to offer a way for people to enjoy them in their own home, and share them with their friends and family. Also, I truly feel that until an image is printed and hung on a wall, it's not quite complete. After researching my options I decided to go with Zenfolio for hosting and providing a store front. One of the things that sold my on Zenfolio was their use of Mpix for image printing. I have used Mpix for every print in my house and am constantly amazed by the quality and consistency of their work.

Here's the link!! marshallgarlington.zenfolio.com

Is there a markup on the prices? Yes. While I don't want to make money for myself, I believe these images can not only inspire and add beauty, but be used for a greater cause. To that end, 100% of the profits will be donated to my favorite charity, charity:water. Some of you may remember my fundraising campaign for them last year. This is a such a transparent and well run charity that is really making an impact for those that don't have access to clean water.

A big thanks to all those who've expressed interest in buying prints and to those who've encouraged me to take this step!

Open Letter For Those Who Hate Adoption

noreply@blogger.com (Gingersnaps) — Tue, 24 Jan 2012 04:47:00 +0000

Recently I got an angry response from an Ethiopian woman on the post I wrote revealing my daughter's PTSD diagnosis.

Here is her comment:

And my answer:

This got me thinking. There is a whole community of adoption-haters here in the U.S. who spend their time & energy trolling the internet so they can leave nasty comments on adoption blogs and videos. They call us names like "baby stealers", "human traffickers", "well-meaning naive idiots", accuse us of buying our children, and tell us that we'll never be a real family.

I've been the target of some of these attacks myself. Mostly the comments just annoy me, though I get angry when the target is a loving adoptive friend of mine who doesn't deserve the verbal abuse heaped upon them by strangers.

I'm about to make a big assumption: I'm guessing the people in the domestic anti-adoption league belong in one of two categories. They are either adult adoptees who had crappy parents, or they are birthmothers/first mothers who were forced or pressured to place their children for adoption. Most likely these adoptions took place many years ago.

I firmly believe every child deserves to be raised in a loving home. To those who were adopted by crappy adoptive parents, I am truly sorry for your experience. Some children who were raised by their biological parents had crappy parents as well. However, I and the many adoptive parents who have been targeted by your hateful comments are not responsible for what happened to you.

Likewise I believe that no woman should be forced or pressured to place their child for adoption. For those who have had that happen, I am truly sorry. That should never have happened.

So why target families that had no part in the pain behind your anger? Do you realize how very different adoption is now compared to how it was even 20 years ago? Closed Adoptions are virtually non-existent these days. The adoptive parents are almost always chosen by the birthmothers, some of whom continue to be a part of their child's life, like in our case. Children grow up knowing their adoption stories now, rather than being lied to & led to believe they were born into the family. Our adoption agency made us sign an agreement saying that we would share our son's adoption story before he turned five so he would never remember not knowing he was adopted.

The fact of the matter is that there are some people who choose not to parent their children. Don't they have the right to make that decision? Don't they have the right to choose who parents their children in their stead? So why are the adoptive parents these women chose being subjected to attacks by strangers?

And to those who oppose International Adoption: no one can deny there is a serious orphan crisis. Adoption is not the answer to solving it. Finding ways to reduce maternal mortality, provide medical care & end poverty to keep families together are better solutions. But the fact remains there are millions of children in orphanages RIGHT NOW in various countries who need families. To the natives of those countries opposed to "foreigners" adopting their children, would it be preferable for those children to grow up in these orphanages until they age out & live on the street than for them to be raised in loving families? Yes it is a tragedy that many of those children will lose their culture. But is that preferable to being raised in an orphanage? I believe so. How many of these children have you adopted so they can keep their culture?

Adoption is not perfect. There is always loss in adoption. In an ideal world every child would be raised by their loving biological parents. In an ideal world every couple that wanted to give birth to children would be able to, without problems. In an ideal world we would not experience loss, sadness, sickness or death. But we don't live in an ideal world, do we? We have parents who want to have children but are unable to. We have children who need families.

Thank God we have adoption.

Biological connection does not make a family. Love does. My husband and I love each other dearly. We are soulmates. There is no shared blood between us, thankfully, because that would be weird. My point is that I have several good friends that love me as a sister with no biological connection. I grew up with "Aunts" "Uncles" and "Grandparents" who had no blood relation to me yet filled those roles in my life. Did I love them any less due to lack of biological connection? Of course not.

So my unsolicited advice to those of you who hate adoption and spend your time blasting & attacking us online...

Choose another target for your anger. Turn your anger into something productive and positive. Use your passion to help keep adoptions ethical. Be advocates for adult adoptees who want to find their birth relatives. Help change laws so that birthparents are listed on the birth certificates of adoptees as well as the adoptive parents. Provide support for other birthmoms who are hurting. Help counsel potential birthmothers to make sure they are making an informed decision. Help affect the circumstances that lead to unplanned pregnancies. In other countries, help lower maternal mortality rates. Help reduce poverty levels. Help keep families together.

Stop attacking loving adoptive families. Get counseling. Stop spreading hate. At the end of the day your attacks may annoy us or even ruin our day, but to deal with that level of hatred day in and out, you are causing so much more harm to yourselves than the families you attack. We will get over your attacks, but you live with this hatred every day. This will affect your health, relationships & general well being.

Of course in the end, the decision is yours. You can choose to continue attacking us. Just know that you are wasting your breath & aren't doing a single thing to change the situation that you don't like. We're not giving up our children and/or returning them to their countries of origins. They are our real children and we are their real parents and no amount of verbal attacks will change that.

Just think next time you decide to attack... Who are you hurting more in the end? Us? Or you?

Stealing Posts From My Sister

noreply@blogger.com (Gingersnaps) — Sat, 14 Jan 2012 23:29:00 +0000

I used to steal stuff from my sister all the time while growing up. Why should today be any different? My sis is flying in tonight to visit me for the first time in TEN YEARS. But since she was going through a divorce and more or less a zombie 10 years ago during that visit, this will be our first time really hanging out together since we've been adults.

Back to the stealing part... she wrote two awesome posts showing exactly how different she and I am. It's a wonder we came from the same family! So rather than come up with my own material, I'm stealing both of her posts and putting them here. It's not really like stealing when I give credit to the writer, anyway. ;) Without further ado...

(Below posts were written by my sister Beth Ann. She goes by "Beth" now, but I will never call her that. She is and always will be Beth Ann to me. Sometimes I write BethAnn as one word just to make her crazy.)

My Sister

She's not really taller than I am - she was wearing heels!

Me: Elizabeth Ann
My sister: Julia Lynn

I was six years old when she was born. I'm the oldest; she's the youngest. I'm an ISFJ; she's an ENFP. I believe in work before play (what is play??). She begins with play - and if she never gets to the work part, that's fine with her! Words to describe me: practical, steady, predictable, linear. Words to describe her: fanciful, unpredictable, random, unstable (ok, I'm getting carried away).

Why am I writing about my sister?

That's our brother, David

Because, for the first time in SIX YEARS I am going to see her in 2 days! (And that visit 6 years ago was at my wedding, which doesn't count as areal visit.) The last time we actually VISITED was TEN YEARS AGO! (And that was during my divorce, so I wasn't really myself then.) So, honestly, we've NEVER had a real visit together since we've been adults!

Why, you might ask.

I still owe her for that one!

It's not because I don't LOVE my sister! We are as close as two siblings who live 2,000+ miles apart can be! We talk often and share our

ups and downs with each other. She was there for me for daily phone calls during my divorce. And I was there for her during her mental breakdown (oops, maybe I shouldn't have mentioned that?!). ;-)

So, maybe it's just that life that has gotten in the way. I have always worked full-time, and I got married and had kids

young. So, early on, I was tied down. Then, she moved to LA

(I'm in Chicago) and started her family. Now she's a SAHM who home schools her three kids and maintains multiple blogs.

See that impish look? She still has that!

For many years we have said, We have to get together! And something always comes up to get in the way. So, this was a sudden decision for me to fly there to spend 4 days together.

Why? All because of a cat.

(side note from Julie: I bought a kitten for my mom last March. She realized she was a little allergic to cats after that. Oops. She had to take meds to tolerate him but it still wasn't ideal. September I flew to Orlando to take the cat & bring him back with me. All was well at the G-home for awhile. As one of our kittens started developing a health problem, he started to target her more aggressively in some strange back-to-the-wild "male cat kills sick kitten" instinct. So my sis and her husband (who know and love this cat from when he lived with my mom) eagerly agreed to take him. My sis is flying here from Chicago to bring him back with her. We're keeping him in the family. He's hitting all the big cities... from Orlando to Los Angeles and then Chicago. Goodbye Opie. You are a very sweet cat, except when you're trying to kill your little sister. That's when we ship you off to live with your Aunt BethAnn.)

And now for my sister's 2nd funny post, highlighting some more of our differences!

To-may-to, To-mah-to

As I mentioned in my previous post, my sister and I are very different, as you will see in these photos. Interestingly enough, you will notice many similarities between us also! What do you think? Can you relate to one of us more than the other?

PETS:

Julie's cats: obviously obedient.

My other cat rebelled against the

cute picture I had planned.

DECOR:

Julie: Life-sized cardboard figure of

Buffy with decorative scarf

(for those cold Los Angeles nights).

Me: Decorative music stand.

Really, serving no purpose.

Wait! I have something that serves

no purpose? I must rethink this!

DESK:

J: Granite-topped built-in desk -

is that sunscreen I see?

(BTW, Is that a large pile of papers

pushed off into the left side of the desk? :-) )

Me: Ikea desk with space-saving second tier-

for scrapbooking, of course.

TOYS:

Julie REALLY HAS TOYS!

My toys are my scrapbooking supplies.

(It's probably because I never got to

play with toys as a kid.

Julie kept stealing them. )

KEY CHAINS:

There's that granite again!

With candy-shaped charms.

My table I painted myself!

With a keychain my daughter bought for me.

PURSES & PURSE CONTENTS:

J: Contents include:

airline ticket from September visit

to Florida, papers from October visit

to Hawaii.

Oh, the beauty. ;-)

FRIDGES:

Julie has more friends than I do, obviously.

HOUSE FACADES:

No, that's not a Disney World attraction.

It's Julie's house!

My sturdy, beige brick house.
Hey, at least I added some attractive
hand-painted maroon trellises for a little "pop!"

Our Backyards:

Julie obviously has a resort in her backyard.

Me? Well, umm, you could sit and

chill out a bit in my backyard!

OUR KIDS:

Seamus-7, Marlie-6, Haven-12

Cody-17, Bethany-20

She says to-may-to, I say to-mah-to.

And, they're both just fine, I say!

People Who Don't Like Me: Wendy's Edition

noreply@blogger.com (Gingersnaps) — Mon, 12 Dec 2011 21:54:00 +0000

Usually this time of year, we reflect on our blessings, the people in our lives who love us and who we love. Being one to never follow the rules, I'd like to reflect on the people who don't like me.

1. The Sidama Liberation Front (these are the lovely men who accused me of being a spy for the Ethiopian government)

2. The Gymboree Mom who acted nice to my face while she blogged about me behind my back for being an "adoptress" and stealing my black baby from Africa. You may remember her as the Lesbian who is happily married to a man.

3. The Manager at the Wendy's located at 16930 Roscoe Blvd
North Hills, CA 91343. Oh wait, I haven't mentioned her before. Well, she hates me.

It all started one day when I was picking up lunch for myself and the kids one day at the drive-thru. At some point a couple of years ago Wendy's changed their straw distribution policy, no longer handing the straw with the drink, but instead placing it in the bag with the food. This bothers me to no end because I can't test the drink to make sure they gave me the right drink (which they often don't) until they bring me the food.

So there you are, staring at this drink in your cup holder, unable to taste it, while you wait for your food. Don't you dare suggest I pull up the lid and taste it. You will never get the lid back on right and that can only end up in disaster for you and your floormats. #trust

This event happened right after the policy change. The lady handed me my drink and my change and started to hand me a straw. But before I could grab it, she pulled her hand back. ??? I asked her if I could have my straw and she said, "no, it will be placed in the bag". And I said, "But you were just about to hand it to me... why can't I have the straw now?" She replied, "You will get your straw in the bag with the food." Again I said, "BUT YOU WERE JUST ABOUT TO HAND ME THE STRAW! Why can't I have it?" She did not respond.

When I left the drive-thru, I wanted to call to complain, but there was NO RECEIPT in the bag, to call and complain. What do I say, "Your heavy-set hispanic female employee was rude to me."? So I never complained.

But every time I subsequently went to Wendy's, that lady was working the drive thru. And she would give me the stink eye. Marshall thought I was making this up, but a few times he accompanied me to the drive-thru and confirmed that she was indeed giving me the stink eye. Then future times when she would take our order (oh yes I can recognize her voice through the speaker), she would leave the window the minute we pull up and the other employees were left scrambling, trying to deal with our order. Did I mention she's now the manager?

My love affair with Wendy's food began early in my childhood, but sadly, thanks to mean heavy-set-hispanic-manager-lady, I rarely eat there anymore. If I do have a craving for Wendy's, I'll drive out of my way to go to a different Wendy's. Why would I want to order food from someone who gives me the stink eye?

All this because mean-heavy-set-hispanic-now-manager-woman wouldn't give me a straw. She probably hates kittens too. And purple.

New Blog Launch!

noreply@blogger.com (Gingersnaps) — Tue, 08 Nov 2011 07:51:00 +0000

Big news, everyone... I will be co-authoring a brand new blog with my dear friend Jamie. This blog is about reviewing Natural Products. Whether you like Natural Products like Jamie, or don't care about chemicals in your products (like me), you might enjoy checking us out. We're nearly ready to start rolling out our reviews.

Right now we're looking for other bloggers to join our blogroll and to add us to yours. Just email me at dazzleginger@gmail.com if you're interested and we'll get connected. We don't care what kind of blogger you are, as long as you have a blog.

And if you want to read our stories and see where Jamie and I are coming from, check out our site at Mommy Hates Chemicals.

Last but not least, if you have a Natural Product you'd like us to review, email us!

Can Homeschooled Kids Really Be Well Socialized?

noreply@blogger.com (Gingersnaps) — Mon, 17 Oct 2011 03:57:00 +0000

So it's not really stealing if I give credit to who wrote it, right? Because I thought this blog post was brilliant, and was the perfect answer to that "Socialization" question about homeschooled children.

If you've ever wondered how homeschoolers socialize their children, and if they're really missing out on the socialization that regular school provides, please read this article. The entire article is worth reading. Seriously, I need to print this out and hand it to everyone I encounter who asks me, "What about your kids' socialization?". Because I can't say it any more eloquently than this.

-------------------------------

What are We Socializing Them For?

by: Stephen Palmer Monday, October 10th, 2011

By Stephen Palmer

As a homeschooling family, my wife and I occasionally get the predictable, worn-out question, “But what about their social life?”

First of all, the question is utterly bizarre to me, given how much social interaction our kids get between several homeschool groups with tons of activities and outings, and myriad other activities, such as art classes, dance classes, cooking classes, Judo, flag football, etc., not to mention how much they play with neighborhood kids.

The idea that homeschoolers don’t get healthy social interaction is such a backwards, 20-years-ago perception.

Secondly, it makes me laugh when I think back to my public school experience.

Here’s what public school taught me about socialization:

*It’s okay — encouraged, even — to make fun of anyone “different” than you and your core group of friends, particularly the weak, weird, mentally and physically disabled, and poor.

*Within an “acceptable” range, everyone should dress, act, and think like everyone else, and those in any way and to the slightest degree outside of the norm should expect to be mocked mercilessly.

*Appearances are everything.

*You should only interact with those in your grade. Those in higher grades are cooler than you (and are therefore entitled to bully you and everyone else younger than them), and those in lower grades are less than you.

*You should compare yourself to and militantly compete with others.

*What your peers think of you is far more important than what you think of yourself, or what God thinks of you. Sacrifice everything for popularity.

*Don’t question authority; teachers and other authority figures know best. Stay in line. There’s an established, “right” way for everything — don’t deviate.

“The idea of learning acceptable social skills in a school is as absurd to me as learning nutrition from a grocery store.” -Lisa Russell

Based on most accounts I’ve heard, this is quite typical public school “socialization,” which is interesting in and of itself.

But here’s where it gets really interesting: Nowhere outside of high school have any of these been my experience, at least not nearly to the degree felt in high school.

Sure, I’ve experienced the very typical (and relatively benign) perceptions and comments regarding our non-traditional views on things like education, homebirthing, politics, etc.

But nothing even close to the overt and extremely aggressive ostracization, mocking, competitiveness, and bullying I witnessed in high school.

Rather than attending high school my junior and senior years, I attended a community college through a program called Running Start.

Not a single person in college ever cared about what clothes I wore, who I hung out with, what my interests were, how old I was, etc.

It was a completely different world than high school.

In fact, in college diversity was appreciated and encouraged much more than conformity. Everyone I interacted with was respectful and accepting.

It was encouraged to question commonly-accepted truths, habits, societal arrangements, etc.

Since leaving high school, I’ve never had a single friend who cared one whit about my fashion sense (or lack thereof, as the case may be).

I’ve yet to interact with an adult who thinks it’s really cool to make fun of those less privileged than them.

I’m still waiting for an adult to bully me because they’re a year older than me, or an adult to fear me because they’re younger than me.

If socialization outside of public school is nothing like, or is at least substantially different from socialization in public school, then what in the name of John Dewey are we socializing our kids for?

For those who disagree with my experience with and perception of public school socialization, who really value socialization and worry that your kids won’t get it outside of public school, I have a sincere question for you:

What do you want your kids to get from public school socialization (or socialization in general)?

I imagine your responses would include:

*You want them to be confident, emotionally mature, well-adapted, respectful, and considerate.
*You want them to be able to interact with, relate to, and positively influence anyone, regardless of age, race, culture, or any differences of opinions or perceptions.
*You want them to have the courage to stand up for what’s right, even and especially when it’s not popular.
*You want them to be a leader, not a follower.
*You want them to learn to strive for excellence, but without feeling the need to “beat” or denigrate others in the process.
*You want them to develop the maturity to respect authority for the right reasons without accepting it unquestioningly, and, as needed, to learn to question and change things wisely and effectively.

Right?

Well, we share those desires.

I’m not trying to convince anyone that homeschooling is better than public schooling — as a well-adjusted, socialized adult who believes in freedom, tolerance, and diversity, I wholeheartedly respect and embrace you, no matter your opinions on the subject.

But I am inviting those who advocate public school for the sake of socialization to question what your children are actually getting in the way of socialization.

As Manfred Zysk wrote in his thought-provoking article “Homeschooling and the Myth of Socialization,”

“A family member asked my wife, ‘Aren’t you concerned about his (our son’s) socialization with other kids?’. My wife gave this response: ‘Go to your local middle school, junior high, or high school, walk down the hallways, and tell me which behavior you see that you think our son should emulate.’”

And for those concerned that our homeschooled children aren’t getting enough or appropriate socialization, I’m inviting you to consider that there are other ways to achieve healthy socialization, and we’re not raising our kids to be cloistered, introverted misfits.

We’re not opting them out of society.

We’re just opting them out of the strange public school bubble that, in our experience, doesn’t even represent normal, healthy society.

In other words, we’re socializing them for what they’ll actually experience beyond high school.

The "Dolphin Tale" Movie

noreply@blogger.com (Gingersnaps) — Fri, 23 Sep 2011 21:41:00 +0000

Today I took my kids to see the movie "Dolphin Tale" by Warner Brothers. Some friends from my local homeschool group set up a meet-up field trip at our local theater to see it opening day. (today) I'd seen the trailer for it, and honestly I wasn't that thrilled about seeing it. It just seemed like another sappy feel-good "Free Willy" kind of movie to me. My kids were kind of "meh" about seeing it too, except they were excited that "field trip" meant no homeschool lessons today.

Color me surprised that not only did I love this movie, my kids did too. I laughed, I cried, and as cheesy as it sounds, I actually left the theater with a renewed hope in humanity.

While Homeschool wasn't the focus of the movie, one of the main characters was homeschooled, and another found that he was more inspired to learn in a "hands on" environment rather than in the classroom.

This movie was truly inspirational and had a parallel story of an Iraq war veteran learning to use a brace while many of his buddies were using prosthetics.

This was a great story of overcoming obstacles life throws at you and that by believing in the impossible, you can sometimes make the impossible a reality.

This movie is based on the true story about a dolphin named Winter, who had her tail amputated after it was caught in a crab trap. One thing I didn't realize before the movie, was the fact that they used the actual dolphin "Winter" in the movie. If fact you can see more about her story & watch her via live cam at: seewinter.com

Positive, inspirational, and educative family-friendly movies come along rarely. Let's send the message to Warner Bros and other studios that we want to see more uplifting movies like this.

Go see this movie. Take your kids and tell your friends. And then go see Winter online for yourself. If you have a beating heart, this movie is sure to make it swell.

Just in case your kids want their very own "Winter" dolphin, you can find one in grey, pink or blue (with a fixed prosthetic tale) at the seewinter.com site. The Warner Bros movie site "Dolphin Tale" has a gray "Winter" that has a detachable prosthetic tail as well as an app game where you can fling a fish at Winter.

Now what are you waiting for? Go see this movie!

**UPDATED** We went to see the movie with the Homeschool Movie Club, organized by JT and Sydney Taylor. They made this video and interviewed several of the actors and people who helped make this movie during the "blue carpet" premiere. Both of the main child actors in this movie are homeschooled.

Seamus Eats Cat Food

noreply@blogger.com (Gingersnaps) — Fri, 09 Sep 2011 05:05:00 +0000

After over a year of telling him he couldn't eat cat food, I finally gave in to Seamus' pleading. This is the result.

Book Review and Signed Giveaway!!

noreply@blogger.com (Gingersnaps) — Tue, 06 Sep 2011 07:00:00 +0000

I'm giving away a signed copy of two GREAT books by author Lara Zielin over at Gingersnaps in the Morning today! So hop on over there and leave a comment to enter. The winners will be announced tomorrow!

Halftone Kung Fu

noreply@blogger.com (Gingersnaps) — Tue, 30 Aug 2011 07:10:00 +0000

When I take the kids to Kung Fu, I bring a book to read and give an iPad to whichever kid is waiting for his class, to keep him occupied. When Marshall takes the kids to Kung Fu, he does things like this with Seamus while Haven is in his class.

Clearly Marshall wins. And if you're curious, he took all the pictures with his iPad2 and used the app Halftone to make the effects.

A Ginger's Guide to Surviving Maui

noreply@blogger.com (Gingersnaps) — Wed, 10 Aug 2011 07:00:00 +0000

I just returned from spending 8 days in Maui, Hawaii with my husband, celebrating our 15th wedding anniversary. And I'm a ginger. What I'm about to share, may be helpful to 2% of the human population (the current estimations of the surviving ginger species) as well as anyone else who is fair skinned, or anyone who has just been cast as a vampire in a movie, who has been told by the director to stay out of the sun.

There are a few tools that you will find essential in surviving (and enjoying) your trip to Maui. First, get some 100 SPF lotion. Any brand will do.

Then get yourself a sun hat that has a listing of 50 SPF or higher. No matter what they say, size does matter. Bigger is better.

Now gingers and other fair-skinned varieties should avoid the actual beach part of Maui. And especially the ocean. Why? Because there are sharks in the water, and even scarier... concentrated sun, which we all know is the ginger's worst natural enemy. Besides, there are signs posted like this all along the beach. And that's good enough for me.

If for some reason, you are a ginger and crazy, and STILL want to venture onto the beach and in the water, there are specially made swimsuits to protect you from the sun, and should help you avoid painful sunburns. (though under full disclosure, does NOT help you avoid sharks and may perhaps make you look like a tasty seal.) However, if you are still interested, you must buy a burkini. (www.burkini.com) A burkini is a burka in bathing suit form.

Though I'm not sure of the amount of ginger muslims in the world, there are some other styles in the burkini line that even the most discerning ginger infidel wouldn't mind wearing.

See? It even looks Hawaiian. And yes I own one.

Now that you've arrived in Maui, you have just gotten off the plane and are headed to the hotel. You most likely have not yet applied your sunscreen. So when your blue-haired husband stops at the first Vista Point to take pictures, you can sit safely in the shade of the vehicle and take pictures of said blue-haired husband with your iPhone while he takes pictures with his fancy camera.

Soon you should arrive at your hotel. Go ahead and splurge for a nice, spacious hotel room so you won't mind spending time reading, and doing various other activities with your blue-haired husband during the sun's peak hours.

Preferably a hotel room with a nice view of the ocean that you can enjoy from the safety of your room.

If you MUST go out on the balcony during peak sun hours, take a look at where the shade line is, and move the chairs into the shade. Shade is a ginger's best friend.

Now take a look at the hotel surroundings. Do they have many trees? What kind of trees do they have? Not all trees are good for providing shade.

For instance, these are not good shade trees.

And neither are coconut trees.

FYI, more people are killed each year by falling coconuts than by sharks. So say your chance of getting eaten by a shark while in the water is 100%, getting killed by a coconut while under a coconut tree is closer to 200%. Better to take your chances with the sun, until you can find a safe, shade tree. Speaking of... these are acceptable shade trees...

What are safe activities for gingers to do in Maui? Well you can get lei'd as often as you want.

You can take a helicopter ride in the early morning hours, where you won't even need to wear your sunscreen.

You can't get any of those shots while laying in the sun on the beach.

After your thrilling helicopter ride, you can spend some time at the spa... relaxing while you wait for them to call your name...

while sipping the yummy orange, vanilla and sugar cane-infused water...

Then go for a couple's bath, followed by a couple's massage.

You may enjoy it so much, you decide to go back later in the week for a 2nd couple's massage, then return for a deluxe facial with hand and foot massage, then return once more for an 80 minute hot rock massage. You know... if you're just looking for ideas.

You know what else gingers can do? They can take the Road to Hana. FYI, take a tour bus driven by a Hana native. You do NOT want to attempt to drive that road by yourself. #trust.

While on the Road to Hana, there will be all sorts of quick 5 minute stops where they will let you out, so you can take one or two pics. Very minimal sun exposure, though still it would be wise to wear your 100 SPF, just in case. Along those stops you will see...

Sites like this

Rainbow Eucalyptus Trees

Waterfalls. (notice I'm standing under a tree while taking a picture)

Black Rock Beach

Now this beach had very little shade available, so I took a break from sun exposure by entering a nearby cave. Hiding from the sun + photo op = 2 birds/one stone.

On the bus tour, there is a stop for lunch at a sunny flower farm, but the actual tables are under shade umbrellas. If you're skilled with your iPhone, you can venture out in the sun for very brief periods to take a picture, then quickly retreat to the safety of the shade.

You can even take pictures of the sweet smelling "ginger" flower. Very appropriate name, I think.

The entire tour is a 12 hour bus ride, so you have plenty of time to ride in the shaded, air-conditioned bus, enjoying the view, or making fun of the Japanese couple stuck in the back with you who spoke no English and paid decent money to sleep their way through most of the tour. That is, when they weren't talking loudly to each other in Japanese making it difficult to hear the bus driver's narrative. I never did learn how to say STFU in Japanese.

Also on our tour, we saw a church made of coral (Palapala Ho'omau) where Charles Lindbergh (the dude that flew planes & had a child kidnapped) is buried. On a side note... those Hawaiians sure are fond of their vowels and apostrophes. Just saying.

There are some other graves there as well. It was really quite beautiful how they were lined with lava rocks and tress.

Another quick stop to see Haleakala. (which is apparently no longer considered a dormant volcano, but rather just a sleepy one that will wake up sometime in the not too distant future)

Later in the tour there is an hour stop at the "Seven Sacred Pools". Though you're only allowed to swim in 3 of them. Guess they should call it "Four Sacred Pools With Three Slightly Less Sacred Pools." Now, I'm sure these three natural pools with their natural rock slides are da bomb, but for a ginger that just screams "place where I can get badly sunburned". Best to hang out in the Visitor Center and read all you can about the history of Maui.

However the Visitor Center is pretty small, so you should be done reading in about 10 minutes. Afterwards, it would be best to find a place to sit under a shady tree and read a book while enjoying the ocean breeze. You may even spot some wildlife. Check out this mongoose.

Stop acting like you aren't impressed by my mongoose pic. Only so much you can do with an iPhone. (notice I'm safely in the shade while observing the wildlife.)

At the end of the Road to Hana Tour, they take you to the winery at Ulupalakua Ranch, where everyone gets to sample 4 different kinds of wine. Exactly what you need after hours of windy one-lane roads with 2-way traffic and sheer drop-offs into the ocean with no railings.

After tasting the wine, you can walk along the grounds of the winery, which is mostly in the shade, enjoying the various flowers and buildings.

And there was also a cat at the winery. It either had too much wine, or was dying. It didn't look so well, and in hindsight, I probably shouldn't have been petting it. That's when my husband and I started playing the guessing game of "is it dying or just really sleepy?" Sadly, it was time for the tour bus to take us home and we will never know the answer.

Other ginger-friendly activities are... SHOPPING!!! Now many of the malls are outdoor malls, so you must still wear your 100 SPF and sun hat while walking from store to store. While shopping, they will have reminders of why exactly you should spend your time out of the water.

Also, after shopping, you'll probably want to get lei'd again.

I mean, when it's during the sun's peak hours, you can get lei'd as often as you want.

Now, a great time for the gingers to go out is early in the morning. Morning time is when you can have your breakfast and watch the birds as they try to take the food off newly abandoned tables...

and even sometimes from occupied tables.

Hey, little birdie!!

Breakfast is anything but boring when you can do things like this...

Around 5pm is another good time for the gingers to come out of hiding. That's a good time to step onto your balcony without fear of the sun's harmful rays, and take pictures of the view.

If you're lucky, when you leave your hotel room, you can even see the shirtless native lighting the tiki torches along the hotel property. If you're very lucky, he might even pose for you.

Then you can walk to one of the nearby fancy restaurants, pausing along the way, to take pictures of the beautiful sunsets.

You know what goes great with sunsets? A Mai Tai.

While you are there in Maui, don't forget to attend a Luau. These are always held at dinner time, which is a ginger-friendly time to be outdoors. They often have unlimited free drinks. (like Mai Tai's and Banana Madness)

You can occupy yourself between courses by taking self-portraits of yourself with your blue-haired husband on your iPhone, between sips of free alcoholic drinks.

And then... FIRE DANCING!!! Who doesn't love fire dancing?

If you're still looking for ginger-friendly activities, you could always attend a museum like this one. Though I don't know that I'd recommend this particular one. Whatever they use to fertilize the sugar cane fields around it, makes the air smell strongly of diarrhea, and everything you learn about sugar cane from the museum will be repeated to you in your Road to Hana tour and again during your Helicopter Tour.

I'm sure there are some other non-diarrhea-smelling museums that are great to visit on the island. I didn't see any of them because I was getting lei'd again.

You can also go for a drive in your rental car and stop at shaded farmer's markets to try out the Coconut milk you've always wanted to try. Though, sadly, coconut milk looks and tastes much like dirty water.

Still looking for activities for gingers??? Well, if you stayed in a nice hotel, like I suggested, you can always take pictures from the shaded, open hallways. Even the same view at different times of day can be breathtaking. Take these, for instance...

Early morning

Afternoon

And Evening, when you can see the people diving off Black Rock into the water. Later all of these people were eaten by sharks. At least they provided a nice photo op for me before they died.

After a week full of ginger-friendly activities, it's time to return to the airport, with a stop at a Vista Point to take pictures. It's likely you applied your 100 SPF earlier that day, so it's safe to get out of the rental car and snap a picture.

And that folks, concludes the Ginger's Guide to Surviving Maui. I didn't even touch the sand, or set foot in the ocean, yet you can see I was able to enjoy Maui just as much as my melanin-enhanced friends. If you are a ginger, a fair-skinned person, or recently cast in a movie as a vampire, don't let the sun keep you from enjoying Paradise.

True Blue!!!

noreply@blogger.com (Gingersnaps) — Mon, 13 Jun 2011 05:16:00 +0000

As many of you know, Marshall started a Charity Water Campaign, hoping to earn $2011 for building wells, to provide clean water in Ethiopia. Just $20 provides clean water for 1 person for 20 years. He also promised that if he reached his fundraising goal, he'd dye his hair blue.

While he hasn't reached his goal, Marshall decided to go ahead and dye his hair, for all the people who donated just to see him with blue hair. He did it a week ago. Now people are asking why he has blue hair, and as a result he's received several more donations! While he hasn't accomplished his goal, he did raise enough money to provide clean water for SIXTY people for 20 years. That's pretty awesome.

I want to thank all of you who donated for his Charity Water Campaign. There is still ONE DAY LEFT to donate, if you were planning to contribute. But for those of you who just want to see him with blue hair... well... here he is.

I think he looks like a rock star.

Happy Birthday Seamus!

noreply@blogger.com (Gingersnaps) — Tue, 24 May 2011 17:34:00 +0000

Seamus turns 7 today. At the calmest of times he can still be best described as a monkey on fire. You gotta love the enthusiasm he has for his birthday. Even when his little sister could only afford to give him a $1 box of candy for his birthday, he unwrapped it with the same enthusiasm as he did for bigger, more expensive gifts.

In our family, the birthday person gets to decide what the family does that day. Marshall has to work, so it's all on me today. Though Marshall did leave a pre-recorded message for him on his computer.

I love that Seamus is the kind of kid who is full of confidence. Not arrogance, but confidence. He decided he wants to go to his favorite Mexican restaurant for lunch in Pasadena. And he wants to play at a particular park in Burbank. And he wants ice cream at a place in Northridge. His big brother wanted Seamus to stay home and play Xbox, and was giving him a hard time about going to the park. Finally Seamus said in a very cheerful voice, "Haven, we're going to the park. If you don't want to play at the park, you can SIT DOWN. They have benches there, you know." All I could do was smile and be proud of my sweet, energetic boy and his love for life. He didn't let his brother's grumblings get him down. In fact, his good attitude helped turn around his brother's stinky attitude. Without prompting from me, Haven saw that his attitude was stinky and apologized after breakfast to Seamus. Seamus graciously accepted his apology.

Now, off to the birthday adventures. All I can say is, I'm glad I filled up my gas tank yesterday. Now... for the fun!!

My New Africa Pendant!

noreply@blogger.com (Gingersnaps) — Mon, 16 May 2011 21:14:00 +0000

I'm loving my new Africa white gold, diamond pendant. The diamond is over Ethiopia. Got it for $170 from an etsy shop. It comes in white or yellow gold and you can have the diamond put over any African country you wish. (she also has a $120 version with no diamond, also in white or yellow gold)

The designer is delightful. She is from South Africa. The pendant is dainty and feminine. I love my pendant so much, I'm spreading the word. If you're interested, her shop name is "francesandco". To see the pendant on her site, CLICK HERE.

Motherhood to Me

noreply@blogger.com (Gingersnaps) — Thu, 12 May 2011 06:08:00 +0000

There is a May Mom Blog Tour going on this month because, well, moms deserve more than one day in May.

If you missed yesterday's spot on the tour, you can find it at Anime's Musings.

I agreed to do the May Mom Blog Tour because... actually... I didn't so much agree to do it, but more accurately I agreed to have my good friend Christine email me info about it. I procrastinated in opening her attachments and before long I was included in an email to all the moms with their assigned dates, including mine. O_o While she swears it was an oversight, I think Christine assigned me a date as a result of trickery on her part, to get me roped in. She'll never admit to it of course. Christine, I love you to pieces (seriously, she's one of my favorite people) and am truly honored you wanted to include me in this fantastic group of moms.

Motherhood is a funny thing. It used to be a word that caused anxiety and perhaps even bile to rise inside me. When I married nearly 15 years ago my husband and I vowed never to have kids. Who wants a bunch of snot-nosed kids anyway? We didn't want to share each other with anyone else and wanted the advantages of a double-income, no kids family.

What changed? We both gradually warmed to the idea, especially when I pictured myself as a lonely old widow in a nursing home, without anyone to visit me. Hey whatever it takes, right?

Not long after we agreed God would probably strike us down with kids (our exact words), I got pregnant with our now 11 year old son Haven.

Life was smooth sailing for us, until our attempts at a second child brought us heartache in the form of several miscarriages. We wanted more kids badly... had a 4 bedroom house and a minivan, and just couldn't manage to have another baby.

Then one day it hit both of us. Maybe we're not able to have another child because there's another baby out there that belongs in our family. So we started the adoption process. A year and a half later, an amazing young woman chose us to parent her baby. And so our family grew again with our now almost 7 year old son Seamus.

That little baby boy healed our hearts and brought us so much joy. But our family didn't feel complete just yet.

We turned to International Adoption and adopted a baby girl from Ethiopia, who is our now 5 year old daughter Marlie. From the moment we arrived home with her, our family felt complete.

I look back on those first few years of marriage and try to recall that person I used to be. I don't think I'd be friends with that version of myself. We have nothing in common. Sure, I wouldn't be supporting the pharmaceutical companies like I am now, but what a boring life that early version of me would have had. Though I have been changed so much through Motherhood, I myself wouldn't change a thing about where this journey to family has taken me. And I wouldn't trade these three amazing children for the world.

Don't forget to check out tomorrow's stop on the May Mom Blog Tour! You will find it at: Yeah. Good Times.

Getting Real With Adoption: My Daughter's Diagnosis

noreply@blogger.com (Gingersnaps) — Tue, 10 May 2011 20:59:00 +0000

Many of you have found me through our Ethiopian Adoption journey, either through google, yahoo groups or YouTube. You've followed our story and maybe even looked up to us as a "successful adoptive family". I started this blog June 2006 to chronicle our Ethiopian adoption. That month we got matched with a beautiful 6 month old baby girl. Our Marlie. Seven weeks later we brought nearly 8 month old Marlie home and completed our family. You've read tons of stories of silly antics and adventures from our family. Perhaps you have even put our family on a pedestal. Well I'm publicly kicking us off that pedestal. We don't belong there.

Marshall and I felt pretty secure in our parenting skills when we adopted Marlie. She was baby #3. She was a baby. We knew how to parent babies. We just raise her like the two children we've had since birth and she'll be fine. Right? WRONG.

Recently we started taking Marlie to a Child Psychologist recommended by her Pediatrician because we were at a loss as to how to deal with some of her behaviors. Rather, we felt that instead of dealing with each behavior, we needed to find out what was behind the behavior. (getting help now at age 5 instead of waiting until she's 15 and it's completely out of control) These are issues we haven't encountered in either of our other children, and treating her the same as the boys wasn't working for us. Or more importantly, wasn't working for her.

What kinds of behavior? Extreme or displaced anxiety to certain situations, extreme anger to certain situations, lashing out physically and verbally to us and her brothers. Compulsive lying, irrational fear, food obsessive, and some other compulsive behaviors that are outside the normal range for her age.

It's been incredibly stressful for our entire family. It's been stressful for Marshall and I. We've started to feel resentment that we didn't want to admit to ourselves, let alone admit to each other. No matter what, we couldn't continue down this path.

From the time we discussed this with Marlie, she has been 100% on board with getting help for these issues. She feels tremendous remorse for these behaviors once she has calmed down. When she reacts these ways, she feels out of control. She IS out of control of these behaviors.

Since we've been taking her to this psychologist, Marlie's self-esteem has soared. This action alone has demonstrated to her that we love her enough to seek special help for her. After a few months of sessions, the psychologist delivered the diagnosis to Marshall and I.

Marlie is suffering from P.T.S.D. (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder).

Say what?? Marlie was born into a very loving family, though was orphaned at age 3 months. From 3-6 months she was cared for by her loving aunt & uncle and a lactating relative. At 6 months she was placed in a loving care center for an adoption agency. At 8 months she was placed into our arms, where we practiced Attachment Parenting at the suggestion of our Social Worker for the next 6 months. At no time in her life do we have any knowledge that Marlie was treated poorly. In fact, to the best of our knowledge, she has been treated well and loved dearly in all those situations prior to her adoption.

So what was her trauma? Abandonment. Though she was loved by everyone who cared for her, we were her 4th set of caregivers by 8 months of age. And for babies, her Psychologist explained, that is traumatic. So traumatic in fact that it changes their brain chemistry and alters their brain development. Specifically in their ability to react to situations in their lives. Developmentally, Marlie is on track or advanced in every area, except for her ability to react to situations. Marlie is stuck in the fight/flight reaction. And she's a fighter. This explains so much of her behavior. It makes so much sense.

The good news is that by catching it early, with professional help in a therapeutic situation, we can help re-wire her neuro-pathways in the brain and help her gain control over her reactions and these behaviors. The Psychologist recommended we read "The Explosive Child" by Ross W. Greene. (which we just ordered) He is going to have us meet with a PTSD specialist in Beverly Hills and he will consult with this specialist monthly to make sure he is on track for helping Marlie overcome this disorder.

So how do we feel? We feel relieved. No longer do we have to worry or wonder about Marlie's motives behind her (sometimes hurtful) reactions. There IS no motive. She's just reacting. And we don't have to get so offended when she reacts disrespectfully. SHE'S JUST REACTING. We can go a little easier on her in regards to doling out consequences for her reactions. (which I'm sure will be a relief to her as well)

Here's the big question: Why am I sharing this private information so publicly? Well, we've been struggling with her issues privately for 5 years now. We didn't have a name for it, but it's been there the whole time. We didn't even know there was a specific diagnosis to be had. We just thought we had a child whose behavior was "challenging", testing our patience and making us earn our parenting badge. Once I opened up about some of these issues on Facebook, I got an overwhelming reaction from other parents who adopted internationally, struggling with the SAME issues. We are not the only ones dealing with this disorder. There is a huge stigma when it comes to mental health issues where there isn't with physical issues. If Marlie had a heart valve problem that we needed medical assistance with (surgery, etc) it would be a no brainer that we'd share it publicly and ask for prayer. Yet with mental health, it's so different. Why? When my doctor told me I needed to be on daily medication for depression, I scoffed at the notion. I could handle it on my own... yet he challenged me by saying... if he told me I needed daily medication for diabetes or some other physical ailment, I would do it without question. No doubt. The same thing applies here. It's scary to go public and say we need professional help, that this is something we can't handle on our own. But by doing so, I hope we're taking a little bit of the stigma away. And if this encourages any families struggling with the same issues to get help for their children, it's worth it to me.

As for Marlie... like the Psychologist said, she's a fighter. We will conquer this disorder together as a family. I'm so thankful and relieved to know what she is struggling with and have a plan of action to help her. And I have no doubt that as a result, she will blossom into an amazing woman some day. I for one can't wait to see what God has planned for her. And I'm lucky to be her mother.

Hard Decision

noreply@blogger.com (Gingersnaps) — Fri, 29 Apr 2011 23:59:00 +0000

Tomorrow Marshall and I are returning our female Sphynx Winky to her breeder. Since we got her, she's been marking areas with urine all over the house. Unfortunately many places we didn't discover until long after the fact, and when we did discover areas, we didn't know which cat was causing it. We didn't know if one of our older cats was causing it in reaction to the new cats or if one of the new cats was doing it. One thing was certain... If any of us accidentally left our bedroom doors open, we could be certain our beds would get peed on. Every time.

For the Ethiopia Reads Charity Event, Marshall had nine of his photos printed out poster-sized and mounted, to donate for their silent auction. They were in our closet. We found out the day before we were supposed to drop off the pictures that the cat in question urinated on the stack of photos, ruining them. We had to put a rush order in to get the replacements done in time for the event.

When we were packing for Orlando, I found out the cat peed in my new suitcase & all over my clothes. While the suitcase was drying out from being cleaned, I finally caught the guilty cat in question, in my suitcase, peeing AGAIN. It was Winky. We were shocked.

We have kept her locked in a bathroom, isolated from the other cats for the past week, while giving full access to the regular marked spots to the other cats. There has been no more marking, which means Winky is the sole culprit, and none of the other cats are copying her. (thankfully)

As you can imagine, this has caused a lot of stress in our family, and clearly something about our home life is causing stress for Winky. The breeder said she was the most hyper of the litter, which was evidenced by her higher than normal anxiety during vet trips, nail clippings and baths. It is really a shame we did not find the culprit sooner, when we had a chance of re-training her. But now the problem has escalated to a level we just can't handle.

Thankfully, the breeder has been very supportive. She offered to take Winky back. She will re-train her and find a new family for her where she is the only cat. When she has another litter, she will give us a new, calmer kitten, though it will likely be 4-6 months before she has a new kitten ready for us.

This has been hardest on Haven and Dobby. Dobby keeps searching the house for her. Thankfully they are finding comfort in each other. (I took this picture today of Dobby and Haven)

Though Haven was sobbing when we told him she had to go, he now said he feels better knowing that at least she's alive (unlike our loss of Buffy) and will go to a new family that will love her.

You may recall our one cat Ollie had an issue with Winky from day one. When our eldest kitty Yemen died right after Buffy, we found that Yemen's buddy Norbert, in the outdoor enclosure, was very lonely. We moved Ollie to the outdoor enclosure and now he and Norbert are great friends. Even though Winky will be leaving, Ollie will stay with Norbert outside.

We've had a lot of guilt over this, but now we're looking at it from the perspective that it just wasn't a great fit for us or for Winky. We hope Winky finds a family where she can be happier than she was with us.

And perhaps next time we'll refrain from naming a pet after a neurotic house elf.