My adult kids would tell you that growing up, they watched a good marriage. Not a perfect one, but a solid “we really like each other, and we are in this together” kind of marriage. They saw affection. They saw us trying to figure things out together. They saw their mom laugh at my jokes, even when they weren’t that funny.

Here’s what I know. Kids pay attention to everything. They notice things you didn’t even know were things. A silent eye roll. The dismissive shrug. The smirk at an inside joke. You think they’re staring at their phones, but they’re absorbing every single interaction like tiny relationship scientists in hoodies. Here are 6 things kids learn about marriage by watching you, whether you intend for them to or not.

1. How to Recover From Conflict

In our early years of marriage, my wife, Nancie, and I quickly but unintentionally created some bad marital habits that led to some awful moments. And at lightning speed, we could go from feeling very connected to very disconnected. I remember thinking how crazy it was that it only took one wrong look, minor disagreement, or unmet expectation to ruin an otherwise perfectly great day. Our kids saw some of that. And you know what? That’s OK.

Kids don’t need to see a conflict-free marriage. Actually, kids learn more about marriage by watching you work through conflict. Talk it out. Cool off and come back to it instead of doing that married-couple move where you both insist you’re “fine” even though you’re obviously not.

2. If You Actually Like Each Other

At the beginning of our marriage, I was fun. Nancie was fun. We made time for fun. One of the things I’m most grateful for is that we still do. We’re silly. We laugh. We still take time for each other. I don’t say that to boast or make you feel bad if you’re not having fun in your marriage. I say it because fun is what makes my marriage to Nancie not perfect but rich and solid.

Your kids need to see affection. They need to see hugs, laughter, and that quick touch on the back that says, “I like you.” What kids learn about marriage from watching is that marriage isn’t just about managing a household together. It’s about actually liking the person you’re married to. Enjoying each other.

3. Whether Marriage is a Team Sport or Jury Duty

Nancie and I are two very opinionated, different people. Our views on money aren’t the same. She has the brain of an accountant. I have a brain floating in a sea of ADHD. She is very scheduled. I am very spontaneous. We have experienced great tragedy in our years together, but in the middle of it, we have a strong marriage. Not because we are perfect but because we try, with varying degrees of success, to treat each other like teammates.

The way you talk about your spouse matters. The way you talk to your spouse matters. Your tone toward each other becomes your kids’ expectation. If you treat marriage like a burden, as if it’s jury duty and an obligation you must participate in, your kids notice. If you treat it like a partnership, a team you’re grateful to be a part of, they notice that too.

4. How to Apologize (or Not)

My kids saw me mess up, but hopefully it also mattered that they saw me come back and apologize. What kids learn about marriage from watching is that conflict doesn’t mean the relationship is over. They’re learning what repair looks like.

Your kids are watching to see if you can admit when you’re wrong. If you can say “I’m sorry” and mean it. If you can forgive and move forward, or if grudges hang around your house like unwelcome guests.

5. Whether Promises Actually Matter

Your kids are watching to see if promises are just nice ideas or if they’re commitments worth keeping. Your kids are learning about marriage by watching how you talk, how you show up, and how you follow through.

They can spot inconsistency faster than a teenager spots public Wi-Fi. And they can see which direction your marital habits are taking you, either toward connection or disconnection. Your kids see it all.

6. That Perfection Isn’t the Goal

What I want my kids to learn about marriage from Nancie and me isn’t that we never struggled. I hope they see that we fight for our marriage and choose each other every day. That marriage is worth it.

Your kids don’t need you to be the perfect couple. There are no perfect couples. Kids need to learn about marriage from parents who are human. Parents who show that real marriage is a mix of fun, forgiveness, and figuring it out one day at a time. Because here’s the truth: Your kids are going to inherit something from watching your marriage. The question is, what do you want that inheritance to be?

Sound off: What’s one thing you hope your kids learn about marriage from watching how you treat your husband?

The post What Kids Learn About Marriage by Watching You appeared first on iMOM.

I felt too overwhelmed to figure out a way to protect this time with my children. So there were many nights that I missed out on making this routine moment matter, much less magical. Even if you don’t have a job tugging at you to get your attention, it’s easy to let other things pull us away from our children. So, if you’re wondering how to connect with your kids in life’s everyday moments, take a look at these 3 ideas.

1. Morning Greeting

As moms, we set the tone for our children’s day. So if you’re wondering how to connect with your kids in the morning, consider doing something very simple: Stop. Slow. Smile. Stop before you walk into their room. Slow down if you’re feeling frantic and want to rush in, throw open the blinds, and tell them to get up. Finally, a smile can help to “create a loving and supportive environment, making everyone feel more secure and accepted,” according to St. Louis Children’s Hospital. If your children are older, be sure to smile at them, too, even if they don’t smile back, and also use these seven positive ways to get them moving in the morning. 

Add the magic. On days when you can manage it, there are easy ways to add magic to the everyday morning routine with kids. On Fridays, leave a little affirmation note rolled up at their place at breakfast (here are some affirmations for teens). If you’re running late and they’re eating breakfast in the car, tape it in front of their seat so they’ll see it. To make it even sweeter, add in one tiny piece of candy. Midweek, do a “Wednesday walk” out to the car. Walk like robots, dancers, backward, or on tiptoes. Let the kids take turns coming up with the theme. 

2. Midday Reconnection

If the morning sets the tone for the day, positively reconnecting with kids after school sets the tone for the evening. Whether that happens in the car or when they walk through the door at home, there are some ways to make these everyday moments matter. And, as you might have expected, the prep starts with you. Most importantly, disconnect. Hide your phone in the glove compartment before the kids get in the car, even if you usually drive with your phone mounted on the console. No checking your phone at stoplights. No “quick call.” Just full connection with your kids so you can really tune into how they’re doing. Instead of letting them use a device on the way home or right after school, have a snack for them and a fun audiobook they’re hooked on. Take a look at four more things moms can do to connect with their kids after school. One other quick thing you can do with little and big kids is to have an after-school catchphrase like, “There she is!” when you see your child. She might think it’s corny as he gets older, but she’ll kind of secretly like it. Also, check out the High, Low, Buffalo after-school game.

Add the magic. Spotlight day! Choose a day of the week to shine the spotlight on your child. Give him 10 minutes or so to sing a song, tell you a story, or talk about his day. If you have more than one child, let siblings shine a spotlight by saying one nice thing about their sister or brother. Random surprises can add some magic. Out of the blue, say, “We’re getting frozen yogurt!” Or, “Let’s go see that cute little puppy our neighbors brought home.” 

3. Bedtime Bonding

There is a great beauty in calmly and joyfully connecting with our children at bedtime and sending them off to sleep feeling loved and cared for. To get the most out of bedtime bonding with kids, consider that Penn State researchers found that children who “followed a consistent bedtime routine and fell asleep at the same time each night displayed better control of their emotions and behavior.” And when kids are more emotionally calm, bedtime can be a bonding opportunity rather than a battle for them to go to sleep.

Of course, if you’re exhausted, bedtime might feel like one more must-do. But “[b]edtime is when everything slows down, and often, it’s when the good stuff comes out.” You can still reconnect at bedtime with your older kids too. Always stop by their room to hug them and say goodnight. Extend your stay by straightening their room or asking a question. Then, if they start talking, sit on their bed, listen, and soak it all in.

Add the magic: Before your child gets into bed, hide something under the sheets–a new book, a note saying that “Tomorrow we’re going to the zoo,” or a blank sheet of paper and one crayon for both of you to draw a funny face. You can even hide something silly like a pot, an old hat, or something related to the book you’ll be reading that night. Create a goodnight handshake that can grow more complicated as your kids get older. Make sure it ends with a kiss! 

The real “magic” for all of these everyday moments comes from them becoming touchstones over time. So choose your favorites and make them a part of reconnecting with your child.

During what part of the day do you feel most connected to your child?

The post How to Connect With Your Kids in 3 Everyday Moments appeared first on iMOM.

Have you noticed that more communication in marriage doesn’t seem to be the answer for you? Me too. Early on in our marriage, Nancie and I had this pattern. I’d say something the wrong way. She’d shut down. Then I’d relentlessly try to get her to talk because everyone says communication is the key to marriage. She’d finally tell me what was wrong, and I’d spend the next 20 minutes explaining in painstaking detail how she’d heard me wrong.

We were communicating more, all right. We were communicating our way right into criticism, defensiveness, and contempt. Turns out, talking more isn’t always the answer. The key is communicating better. Here are 3 truths about communication in marriage that actually work.

1. Silence is better than talking.

Sometimes silence is better than talking. I know, I know, this sounds like the opposite of what every marriage book tells you. But hear me out.

Recently, I was having a “discussion” with our son when Nancie walked into the room. She quickly joined the conversation, and I felt—notice I said “I felt”—like she was siding with our son against me. I was frustrated with my son. I was also mad at my wife now. So I “ended” the argument by leaving the room, saying a few things on my way out that I’d soon regret.

Meanwhile, during all of this, here’s what was happening in my brain: My amygdala—you know that part of our brain that’s all about fight, flight, or freeze—was leaping into action. Firing on all cylinders. Charging the line.

Don’t get me wrong, the amygdala is a great survival tool. I mean, heck, it’s what kept our ancestors alive when they saw a saber-toothed tiger. But the problem is the amygdala can’t tell the difference between an actual tiger and my wife disagreeing with me. So it responds the same way. Get defensive! Protect yourself! Fight back!

And the amygdala is lightning fast, which is basically the whole problem. The amygdala responds before the cortex, the smart part of your brain that takes care of things like thought and judgment, has time to come online.

So we react first, think later. Never good! By the time our logical brain catches up, we’ve already said or done something we regret. When I said those things to Nancie and my son that I’d later regret, my brain was convinced I was under attack, and it was trying to rescue me.

2. How you say something matters as much as what you say.

Here’s what’s tricky about communication in marriage…how you say something matters as much as what you say. You don’t even need to open your mouth to communicate frustration, anger, or contempt. You can just cross your arms, roll your eyes, set your jaw, and glare at your spouse. And you know what? Your spouse will “hear” you loud and clear.

If I’m looking at my phone while Nancie is talking to me, whether I want to or not, I’m communicating that my phone is more important than she is. When I cross my arms and turn away during a disagreement, I’m communicating that I’m closed off and don’t care what she thinks.

Our tone matters. Our facial expressions matter. Our body language matters. Sometimes these things matter more than the actual words coming out of our mouths. Think about it. You could say “I love you” with warmth and sincerity or dripping with sarcasm. Same words, completely different message.

The action item for this one is, the next time your person wants to talk, put your phone down. Turn toward him. Make eye contact. Unfold your arms. Let your body say, “You matter. I’m here. I’m listening.” It’s amazing how much that simple shift can change a conversation. Seriously, try it.

So this truth is about you. Your actions. How you communicate. The next truth is all about focusing on your spouse.

3. Listening can be more powerful than speaking.

When it comes to communication in marriage, listening can be more powerful than speaking. And let me tell you about a phrase that has changed everything: “That’s understandable.” One Monday evening after I’d spent a full weekend speaking and traveling, Nancie asked me, “How are you doing?” She could tell something was off.

I said, “To be honest, I’m tired and a little depressed.”

All she said was, “That’s understandable.” That’s it. Two words. And it was exactly what I needed. She didn’t try to cheer me up, fix me, or give me her opinion on my travel schedule. She just listened, heard where I was, and sat with me. She understood. And it was a balm to my soul.

What’s the biggest challenge you face with communication in marriage right now?

The post 3 Truths About Communication in Marriage That Actually Work appeared first on iMOM.

I’ll be honest. There have been seasons in our marriage when I kept score. I’d give myself points if I did extra chores. I took away points from my wife, Nancie, if she didn’t do what I thought she should. I’m sure it started in a small way, perhaps when I was frustrated or confused about life. It made me feel better about myself. I felt justified in who I was and how I was living. But keeping score in a relationship is playing a game nobody wins, and nothing good comes from it. In fact, it’s often a marriage-killing trap that we need to stay away from.

I work a lot with couples, and I’ve noticed that the best spouses don’t keep score. They selflessly, sacrificially, and faithfully love their person without looking for something in return. You may be wondering if you are keeping score in your marriage. There are some signs to look for. Here are 5 signs you’re keeping score in your marriage.

1. You use the words “always” or “never” in your arguments.

I’m not proud of it, but I have waited until I had enough “evidence” to make my case. I’d watch Nancie leave her dishes in the sink and keep a mental note. Then I dropped the “you always…” or “you never…” like I was presenting my closing argument. You know what happened? Nancie did not hear my frustration about the dishes. She heard, “You are failing, and I have been keeping track.” Be honest. When you use words like “always” and “never,” you’re tallying failures. Using them does not invite connection.

2. You make a mental list of what you do compared to what they don’t do.

I’ve sat on the couch and mentally built my case for why I deserved a break or why Nancie should be more grateful. She had no idea I was keeping score. Even if she did, I’m sure the number of points allotted to both sides was less than accurate.

If your inner monologue sounds like a personal highlight reel, you are keeping score. This one is sneaky because it happens entirely in your head. You are not saying anything out loud. You are just quietly keeping track. I took out the trash. Made breakfast. Scheduled the dentist appointments. And while you are running through your list, you are also running through your spouse’s. He slept in. Forgot to text back. Left his coffee cup on the counter. Again.

3. You hold back your affection until they earn it.

This one hits close to home. There have been times when I felt hurt or frustrated with Nancie, but instead of saying something, I just…withdrew. I wasn’t cold, exactly. Just a little less warm. A little more distant. My inner monologue would say that I was protecting myself, but really, I was punishing her. If she didn’t say or do the right thing, I held back. Love became a reward instead of a connection.

Here’s what I learned: When you hold back love until your spouse “earns” it, you turn your marriage into a performance review. And nobody thrives in a relationship where they are constantly being evaluated.

4. You bring up past failures during your current conflicts.

Oh, I have been guilty of this one. Nancie and I would be talking about something small, and suddenly I would bring up something she had done three months earlier. Or last year. Or that one time in 2017. I had a mental filing cabinet full of past mistakes, and when I needed ammunition, I knew exactly where to find each file.

But when you bring old stuff up during new conflicts, you’re not trying to resolve anything. You’re trying to win. You’re keeping score in your relationship. Every time you pull out one of those old mistakes, not only are you pointing out their failures, but you’re also telling them, “I have not forgiven you, and I am still keeping track.”

5. You feel like you’re owed something for being a good spouse.

I used to think that if I helped clean up after dinner, Nancie should thank me. If I planned a date night, she should get excited. If I were patient during a hard week, she should acknowledge it. I was keeping score, and I expected my investment to pay off. Scorekeeping always expects a payout. If you do enough, your spouse owes you something in return.

But marriage does not work like that. Marriage is not a transaction. It’s a partnership. And when you start expecting a payout for being a good spouse, you stop serving out of love and start serving out of obligation, or worse, resentment. When you keep score in marriage and keep track of who owes what, it’s hard to have a relationship that’s generous, joyful, or free.

Stop keeping score in your relationship. Instead of racing to prove fairness, race to show kindness. Instead of keeping a running tally, keep a running posture of being on the same team. Because marriage isn’t about pretending things are fair. It’s about deciding that fairness is not the goal. A strong, connected marriage is.

What are some other possible ways people keep score in marriage?

The post 5 Signs You’re Keeping Score in Your Marriage appeared first on iMOM.

As moms, we try our best to get things done and do them well—for our children and for our families. And in all of that, there are things we need to be comfortable saying. Expressing them is good for us and for our children. Take a look at these 4 sentences every mom should be able to say. 

1. “I need help. “

You hear a lot about grit in the sports world, and athletes definitely have to dig deep and persevere when they’re training and competing. But there’s another quality that helps us achieve–the ability to ask for help.

Saying “I need help” gets us the support we need. It’s different from telling our husbands, for example, “You should help me more.” It’s admitting that we’ve reached our limit, without pointing fingers. “I need help” gives others the chance to problem-solve and show us empathy, and can actually bring us closer. It can apply to seeking new ideas and ways of doing things—letting others spur us on through collaboration. Asking for help is a good skill for our children to learn. One study found that college kids who ask for help make better grades, and I’ve seen its power on the field when players ask teammates for help and then go on to achieve success.

2. “Look at what I did.”

Most moms are not good at praising themselves. iMOM founder Susan Merrill talks about how coming up with a name for iMOM was a challenge. “Our fatherhood program is All Pro Dad,” she says, “and men are OK with thinking they’re great, but women are so hard on themselves that they would never say, ‘I’m an All Pro Mom!’” 

But it’s good for us to say out loud, and especially in earshot of our kids, “Wow, look what I did.” If you’re hesitant, believe me, I get it. When I come off the field or off the set, my first instinct is to look for what I did wrong. But we should recognize our abilities and achievements. If our children learn to do this, it will help increase their dopamine, boost their self-confidence, and break the negative-feedback cycle if they’re too hard on themselves. All of those outcomes are great for us too!

3. “I can’t right now.”

There are some sentences that moms are very comfortable saying: “Sure, I can do that.” “Yes, I’m free.” “No problem, give it to me.” I’m feeling stressed just typing those words! But I also love the privilege and challenge of having more responsibility! Still, especially in our mom-world, it’s OK to not do it all. It doesn’t mean you won’t take on more eventually, but pause a beat before you do. You can try some of these ways to say no, if it comes to that. 

Again, it’s a positive for our children to see us taking care of ourselves and knowing our limits. Yes, there will be times when we really don’t have a choice—and that’s the time to show grit, but when we do have a choice, it’s fine to say “I can’t right now” to people in our house and out in the world.

4. “I love my job!”

There are days I still can’t believe I get to work at ESPN. My children know that I love what I do. They also know that I love them more than my job. That’s why it’s OK for me to share the joy I get from working. Maybe your job brings you joy, or you find it from something completely outside your job—working out, hiking, cooking, reading, or hanging out with friends. It’s healthy for our kids to see us find joy in different areas of our lives, places where we can use our talents and gifts. When our children see us joyful, they’ll feel even more free to seek and find joy in life.

And finally, I’m going to speak up like Reese and say one more sentence because on the awesome days and especially on the challenging days, we all want to hear, “You’re a great mom, and you’ve got this!” Let’s go!

What’s something you find hard to say, but know you should say more often?

The post Laura Rutledge: 4 Sentences Every Mom Should Be Able to Say appeared first on iMOM.

Of course, all these years later, Reese and Jack are the best part of our life together. So when I see old pictures or videos of us when our children were tiny, sure, we look exhausted, but we look so happy! Life with children is different, and it’s challenged me in ways that I didn’t even know existed. But I’m a better person because of it. And when I accept these 5 realities of life with kids, I’m also a better mom.

1. There is no perfection in parenting.

I am a perfectionist and have been for a long time. I’m harder on myself than I am on other people. It started when I trained as a ballerina, and that tendency is still there, like when I rewatch one of my broadcasts and analyze every word I said. But in parenting, perfection doesn’t exist! 

Knowing this makes me a better mom because I feel less guilty when I do fall short, and I can keep focusing on what really matters: letting Reese and Jack see how I accept my imperfections, admit when things go wrong, and even laugh at my mistakes. I want them to know that they have value because of who they are, not because they’re perfect.

2. Schedules are just suggestions.

Children do not get sick on a schedule. Their bad dreams don’t happen when it’s convenient for us. And their meet-the-teacher event might take place right in the middle of our workday. I lived through this one recently, and it turned out to be a great day. My work team had my back, and I accepted that life with kids means leaning into the chaos when plans change unexpectedly. 

I can be a better mom when I accept that life is messy. I no longer expect my days to go like clockwork. My reaction to life’s disruptions teaches my kids that it’s important to keep things in perspective. 

3. Creativity is our friend.

Creativity helps me figure out ways to get things done. I love to cook. But cooking with two little kids playing at your feet or wanting to help looks a little different. I’ve made entire meals using one hand while balancing Jack on my hip! I’ve switched reading time to the mornings on days when I know I won’t be home at bedtime. And I’ve let Reese “help” me get ready so that I can spend time with her before I leave for work.

Once I accepted that life with kids meant finding new ways of doing things, I felt a lot less frustrated. Now I try to see challenges as opportunities to be creative.

4. Romance looks different. 

An old Instagram post I watched recently shows Josh and me making dinner for an at-home date night when Jack was two months old. There was wine! Baby bottles! Candles! Burping! And a romantic hug with adorable tiny Jack kicking away in his baby seat and our dog acting like nothing unusual was happening! 

Life with kids has given me the chance to see Josh in a new light. I already admired so much about him before we became parents. But the strength, patience, and caring he shows as a father inspire me to be an even better mom because he gives his all to being a great dad. And while romance might look different than in our pre-parenting days, the love that surrounds it is even deeper.

5. It’s OK to ask for help.

I’ve talked before about how I thought I wouldn’t be able to balance being a good mom and having a demanding career. But since having kids, I’ve realized that women are capable of more than we think we are. It’s not easy, but we figure it out because we have to—for the sake of our children. 

Having said that, though, I’ve come to accept that life with kids means asking for help when you need it. I turn to Josh, to my supportive coworkers, and to my family. As amazing as moms are, there are days we can’t do it alone. Admitting that makes me a better mom because not only do I get the support I need to parent well, but I also show my kids that it’s OK to ask for help.

Life with kids is different, but boy, is it wonderful. 

What do you love the most about life with kids?

The post Laura Rutledge: How Accepting These 5 Realities of Life With Kids Makes Me a Better Mom appeared first on iMOM.

Thankfully, my husband, a musician himself, jumped in: “You get better results if you practice a little each day.” The teacher in me couldn’t agree more. He accurately described a learning method we educators know as “spaced practice.” Whether it’s learning how to play an instrument or learning times tables, it works and even provides something AI can’t. Here are 4 reasons you should consider it for your children.

1. It’s easier for kids to accept.

Which sounds better? “You have to study your spelling words for an hour tonight because your test is tomorrow.” Or, “Let’s set the timer for eight minutes to go over your spelling words, and then you’re done.” Getting kids to do something is easier when you break it into smaller chunks of time that are spaced out over several days. 

So, if your child has to learn 10 spelling words by Friday, start using spaced practice on Monday with the first five words. On Tuesday, work on the remaining five. On Wednesday, go back to Monday’s words. On Thursday, review Tuesday’s. You can mix up the study methods—write the words, spell them out loud, spell them while jumping—just be sure she’s studying some of the words every day.  Check out these five time-tested study skills she can use during spaced practice. 

2. It works.

Kids call last-minute studying for a test “cramming.” Researchers call it “massed practice.” Teachers call it a disaster. No matter what it’s called, it doesn’t work for long-term retention. Spaced practice does. University of Melbourne researchers found that “gaps between exposures have a positive effect.” In other words, the gaps are what power spaced practice.

A study published in The Journal of Neuroscience used brain scans to watch what happens when people study with spaced practice instead of cramming. Researchers found that spaced practice creates more consistent neural patterns in brain activity, leading to better long-term learning. 

So if your middle-schooler or high-schooler uses spaced practice, they’ll be able to recall a semester’s worth of learning more easily when midterms or finals come along. The key is to have your child review the material at expanding intervals rather than every day. For example, when your child gets home from school on Monday, have her review what she learned in class that day. On Tuesday, she’ll review Tuesday’s lessons but skip Monday’s. Instead, she’ll revisit Monday’s material on Wednesday, and so on as the week progresses. She needs a gap of at least a day before she tries to retrieve that information. The brain uses that gap to lock in the information.

3. It makes kids struggle in a good way.

With spaced practice, your child reviews material from previous days with built-in gaps. As she tries to retrieve that knowledge, she might struggle to remember it. That’s a good thing. The effort of trying to remember what she’s already studied leads to better retention. That effort makes up for the cognitive offloading she’s likely doing by using AI elsewhere in her life. 

Cognitive offloading is when we let AI do the thinking for us. Professor Ethan Mollick says that when children do this type of cognitive offloading in a learning environment, it “undermines mental effort.” Spaced practice forces kids to struggle a bit, something AI lets them skip. One more note on this point: When you introduce spaced practice, give your child a heads-up that she won’t remember all the previous material the first time she revisits it. Reassure her that this is normal. Explain that the struggle builds her “mental muscle,” making her a stronger student and helping her retain what she’s learning. Spaced practice can also help anxious test-takers relax because they’ll feel more confident they can remember what they studied. 

4. It’s effective for children with learning challenges.

Spaced practice is especially helpful for ADHD learners whose attention spans benefit from shorter study bursts. Pair spaced practice with other study methods that your ADHD learner has done well with in the past. If he likes index cards, help him organize his cards by study day—Monday’s cards get moved to Wednesday, Tuesday’s cards to Thursday, and so on. Children on the autism spectrum and those with dyslexia or other learning challenges can also benefit from using flashcards during spaced practice. For them, sort each day’s cards into two piles, “Still learning” and “Got it!” As mentioned before, remind them that recalling older information might be a challenge.

How-To for Spaced Practice

Take a look at this graphic that walks you through the how-to of spaced practice. It explains how kids can use it to study for tests and review and remember what they learned that day in school.

Have you tried spaced practice with your kids? Has it helped?

The post What Is Spaced Practice? (and How It Helps Kids Learn Better) appeared first on iMOM.

I saw it from their side, and from the mom side too. Most moms are already spread really thin, and no matter how much time we give our children, we still feel like we’re not giving enough. That’s what had me struggling. I felt like I was letting them down because I couldn’t give each of them the attention they wanted. So, we started doing something relatively simple. We call it Special Time, and it’s been working pretty well.

Special Time Basics

Special Time is intentional, daily, one-on-one time. Giving it a name makes it feel unique to Reese and Jack, and to me. During Special Time, there’s no phone, no work, no anything but my undivided attention. And the big key is that siblings aren’t a part of the mix. Special Time is at least 10 minutes with each of my children. I know, 10 minutes might sound like “Wow! You can only give 10 minutes of undivided attention to your kid?” But 10 minutes can feel like a long time when it’s Mom’s full, undivided attention. And even on busy days, I can do at least that, and most of the time we go longer than 10 minutes.

Kids get to choose.

A fun part of Special Time for kids is that they get to choose what to do. One day, Reese wanted to go pick some flowers in the yard; another day we did some gymnastics (as my body reminded me the next day!). Jack is all about riding his scooter down the street. Another great aspect of Special Time is that you get to hear what your children are interested in and see what makes them happy. And you get to do it with them!

It makes leaving easier.

Special Time has been really great because even when I have to leave, I can say, “Hey, when I come back we’re going to do your Special Time, so think about how you want to spend that time and what you’d like to do with me.” It makes leaving easier for my kids by giving them something to look forward to. When I get home, they won’t have to act out to get my attention because they know they’re going to get dedicated time with me.

It lowers my “mom guilt.”

Special Time has helped me a ton too, maybe even more than it’s helped Reese and Jack. Instead of feeling guilty about not making enough time for them, now I can look at the day and say, “You know what? I’m really busy. I have all these things going on, but I’m going to allocate this time to my children.” And, unsurprisingly, having that time with them is the best part of my day.

That said, I only have two children, and I understand that for moms with more than two, having daily Special Time is a bigger challenge, especially if you don’t have someone to watch your other kids while you’re in one-on-one time with another child.

So go easy on yourself. Maybe your Special Time will be once a week or on weekends when you can get someone to help with the kids. Maybe your Special Time can be at bedtime when you tuck your younger kids in first and then spend one-on-one time with your older kids.

Since we started Special Time at my house, my kids act out less and seem more settled when I leave and when I get home. They’re happier. And as we know, when our kids are happier, we’re happier too.

Do you have a special tradition that you share with your kids?

The post Laura Rutledge: When My Kids Wanted My Attention, Here’s What Worked appeared first on iMOM.

The sidelines are a pressure cooker. You’re reading body language, deciding on the one question to ask in a split second, and staying calm when everything around you is anything but. Motherhood requires all of that and then some. Every working mom has her own version of the sideline. If you’ve ever wondered how work makes you a better mom, here are 4 lessons I’ve learned to apply at work and at home.

1. Read the situation quickly.

As a sideline reporter, I have seconds—not minutes—to assess what just happened on the field. Is the coach furious about the play call or proud of his team’s execution despite the bad result? Is the quarterback rattled or already locked in on the next drive? Reading the room is everything. Getting that wrong means a terrible interview. Getting it right means you actually get the story.

Reese and Jack have given me a lot of chances to practice. I’m guessing your kids have given you plenty too. When Reese is blowing bubbles and Jack keeps popping every single one with a stick, I’ve learned to do a quick read before I say a word: Is he doing it to be funny. or is he actually trying to make his big sis mad? Is she about to lose it, or does she think it’s a little bit funny? Sometimes I read the situation wrong and have to pivot fast, but live TV has taught me how to shake it off and move on.

2. Ask the right question.

I don’t have much time with a coach or player on the sideline. There’s no warm-up, no small talk, no easing into it. I’ve spent years learning to cut straight to what they actually want to talk about, whether that’s the momentum shift, the emotion of the moment, or what needs to be adjusted for the next half. That skill came from repetition and a lot of mistakes.

I literally ask questions for a living. But motherhood has taught me that one good one beats twenty every time. At bedtime, my little spitfire usually gets going on her own. Those nights, I just try to keep up with all of her stories. On other nights, it takes the right question, like “What was the hardest part of your day?” or “What made you laugh today?” to hear about the parts of her day that mattered most.

3. Stay focused despite the chaos around you.

I’ve reported from stadiums with over 100,000 fans screaming, players running within inches of me, and extreme weather conditions. And I still have to deliver a clear, calm sideline interview. Over the years, I’ve learned to build a little bubble of focus in the middle of all of it. I can’t turn down the noise, but I can choose to turn my focus to who is right in front of me.

There are days when I walk through my front door, and it’s like the whole world needs something from me at once. Jack. Reese. Dinner. The dog. Josh. Packed stadiums have nothing on a Tuesday night at the Rutledge house. You don’t have to work on the sidelines to know that feeling. These are the moments when I really realize how work makes you a better mom. I remind myself to find the same calm bubble I built on the sideline. When I stay calm, my calm becomes their calm. I don’t always pull it off, but I’ve seen it work enough to keep trying.

4. Build trust by consistently showing up.

I admired Paul Finebaum from afar long before I ever got to work with him. What struck me wasn’t just how good he was but how consistently he showed up, week after week, with the same preparation and the same integrity. When I finally got to SEC Nation, I understood it even more. In this business, coaches and players open up because you’ve shown up the same way a hundred times before.

I used to dream of a back row full of kids. But as a working mom, I can’t always be there the way I want to be. I do drop off, but not pickup. I miss things. We all do. But Reese and Jack know what they can count on: our bedtime routine, the breakfast I make before I leave, and the FaceTime calls when I’m on the road. And I always make sure Reese knows how proud I am of her. I do the same with Jack, even if right now his version is more belly raspberries than heart-to-hearts. The showing up is the trust.

Have you ever noticed how work makes you a better mom? What’s the skill that surprised you most?

The post Laura Rutledge: 4 Sideline Lessons That Apply to Parenting appeared first on iMOM.

These days, AI is about as close as we’re going to get. ChatGPT will never replace a mom’s wisdom or instincts, but like the best intern, it can work well under your direction. And the more guidance you give it, the more helpful it becomes. If you’ve been curious about ChatGPT for moms but weren’t sure where to start, here are 3 practical ways to put it to work.

1. Meal Planning 

There are three little words so many moms dread hearing every night: What’s for dinner? We answer that question at least 365 times a year, which means we need a plan 365 times a year (give or take 10 nights where it’s acceptable to serve cereal). 

That’s why a ChatGPT meal plan has become one of my favorite kitchen helpers. 

ChatGPT can help you:

• Plan meals around your family’s actual schedule
• Stretch your grocery budget
• Use ingredients before they expire
• Work around allergies and picky eaters
• Reinvent leftovers into something your family might actually eat

When using ChatGPT prompts for meal planning, skip the generic “give me easy dinners” request and be specific instead: “My daughter has soccer until 7. My youngest refuses anything green and doesn’t like food that touches. I have ground turkey that needs to be used tonight, $40 left in my grocery budget, and about 25 minutes to cook. Give me 3 options.”

Customize these prompts:

• “Plan five weeknight dinners for a family of four. Our kids are 14 and 11. We have sports practice on Monday and Wednesday. I want one slow-cooker meal. Include a grocery list for Aldi with a budget of $200.”
• “Here’s everything in my refrigerator and pantry. Build three dinners using these ingredients before adding anything else to my shopping list.”
• “My family eats gluten-free, my 10-year-old refuses mixed casseroles, and I have a $125 weekly grocery budget. Create five dinners and five school lunches.”
• “Suggest five meals that hide vegetables and are likely to win over a picky toddler who loves finger foods.”

We’re not quite living in the Jetsons era, so AI won’t cook dinner for you…yet. But if ChatGPT for moms helps answer “What’s for dinner?” a little faster, that’s one less decision your brain has to carry today.

2. Kids’ Homework 

I don’t know exactly when it became part of the parenting job description to be an expert in dividing fractions, the water cycle, and literary analysis, but here we are. The problem is, most of us haven’t solved for x in a while. Plus, the teaching methods have evolved since then anyway.

ChatGPT can help you:

• Explain tricky concepts at your child’s level (or reteach you first, if needed)
• Create extra practice problems 
• Brainstorm ideas for science projects around your child’s interests
• Break big assignments into smaller, more manageable steps
• Turn a study guide into a fun quiz or game

Customize these prompts:

• “Explain how to find the area of a triangle to a 4th grader who learns best with visual examples.”
• “My 3rd grader is struggling to memorize multiplication facts. Give me 10 ideas to help him. He loves cars and playing basketball, so give me ideas that involve those things.”
• “My son has ADHD and keeps forgetting assignments. Help me break this history project into daily tasks that he can finish in 15-20 minutes.”
• “My middle schooler says, ‘I don’t know where to start.’ Here’s the assignment. Don’t solve it. Help us figure out the first three steps.”

Just like a good intern, AI shouldn’t do the work for you (or your child). But it can make it easier for you to do your best work and help your child do his best too.

3. Discipline and Hard Conversations

Even for this professional writer married to a counselor, sometimes the hardest part of parenting isn’t knowing what to do. It’s knowing what to say (and how). What do you say when you suspect your middle schooler stumbled upon porn online? Or when your hyper-sensitive child comes home in tears because of friendship drama? Or after one of those mornings when everyone is running late, you lose your cool, and you’ve been piling on the mom guilt ever since?

That’s where ChatGPT for moms can help you find the words for the everyday hard stuff. (The bigger struggles, though, such as ongoing anxiety, grief, and anything that keeps you up at night, deserve a real conversation with a counselor or pastor.) 

ChatGPT can help you:

• Script calm, age-appropriate responses to behavior issues
• Prepare for difficult conversations
• Find words to repair your relationship after you’ve lost your cool
• Brainstorm consequences that fit the child and the situation

Customize these prompts:

• “My 12-year-old keeps lying about screen time. Give me a calm, age-appropriate script that stays firm without shaming him. I prefer natural consequences over punishment, and he tends to shut down when voices get louder.”
• “My son gets overwhelmed every Sunday night before school. Help me think through what questions I should ask before assuming he just doesn’t want to go.”
• “My daughter asked why God lets bad things happen. Help me explain this in a way that’s appropriate for an 8-year-old and aligns with what the Bible says. Include Scripture references that I can use with her.”
• “Help me explain the same consequence to a strong-willed child, an anxious child, and a highly sensitive child.”

While ChatGPT for moms helps us put into words what we’re struggling to say or gives us ideas on discipline, we are still the experts on our kids. So trust your gut and decide what works best for your family.

Before Putting AI to Work for You

Every good intern needs supervision. ChatGPT and other AI chatbots make mistakes with the confidence of a teen debating a missed curfew, so verify facts, Scriptures, math, and anything else that matters before you rely on ChatGPT for moms. Second, share patterns, not particulars. ChatGPT doesn’t need your child’s name, school, or photo to help you. And third, if your kid’s school has an AI policy, know it before using these tools for homework help. It’s also never too early to teach digital literacy to your kids. Make sure they know the difference between getting help from AI and getting answers.

AI can’t hug your child or pray for them. It can’t notice the look on your child’s face that tells you something’s wrong. But if it can take a few decisions off your plate so you have more energy for those things…that’s a pretty good intern.

How would you put your new AI intern to work?

The post 3 ChatGPT Hacks That Make Mom Life Easier appeared first on iMOM.