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These behaviors might even lead us to wonder, “Is my child addicted?”

Heavy technology usage in neurodiverse kids can certainly look like addiction, but it may not be that simple.

The problem with the traditional model of thinking about addiction is that it isn’t neuroinformed. It hinges on the idea that there’s a lack of control or willpower at play (similar to old ways of thinking about ADHD). But it doesn’t take into account very real neurological differences that cause challenges with executive functioning and drive a need for the brain to self-regulate.

When your kid seeks out technology, it may very well be that their brain is seeking a much-needed dose of ‘dopamine’ to calm their nervous system, boost their energy, or escape a stressful moment.

The behaviors of kids with ADHD or other ‘neurospicy’ traits are especially at risk of being misunderstood in this way because their brains simply work differently:

• They may crave more dopamine (the brain chemical that drives focus, motivation, and pleasure) to stay regulated and complete necessary functions.
• They often struggle with impulse control, transitions, and stopping an activity once they’re “in the zone.”
• They may need extra help shifting from one activity to another, especially shifting away from screens providing powerful stimulation.

The old way of thinking about ADHD was that kids were simply lacking willpower. Now we know: these behaviors are rooted in brain wiring, not bad choices. When neurodivergent kids reach for technology, their brain may be trying to meet an urgent need for chemical adjustment.

That’s why, when addressing these behaviors in our neurodiverse kids-or any that concern us- it can help to pause and ask: “Is this behavior naughty, or is it neurological?”

When we see it as “naughty,” we tend to react with punitive measures and control:

“That’s it – you need to stop. No more Xbox!”

But when we see it as neurological, we open the door to collaborative problem-solving:

“I know it’s hard to stop once you start playing. Let’s come up with a plan that lets you unwind with your game and still get your homework done.”

This shift – from punishment to problem-solving – can help reduce conflict. It can also build coping skills and strengthen our connection to our kids. They feel understood instead of shamed, and we get to support them in healthier, more sustainable ways.

So next time you feel worried about your child’s screen time, get curious about what’s going on for them. Assuming it’s an addiction can throw you into a space of fear, making it hard to look objectively. Considering that the neurospicy brain could be doing its best to meet real chemical needs can leave you open for connection and problem solving.

When our kids are trying to cope with difficult circumstances with a brain that is not yet wired to manage impulsivity, I want to remind you to think beyond seeing it as a lack of willpower. With compassion, understanding, and a little teamwork, you can help your kids find sustainable ways to regulate and thrive.

4 Practical Takeaways for Parents:

1. Name what’s happening. Say something like, “I can see it’s hard to stop when you’re in the middle of a game. That’s your brain’s hyperfocus at work.” This normalizes the struggle and shows your child you “get it.”
2. Plan transitions together. Instead of sudden screen shutoffs, set agreements with each other to use timers, countdowns, or a “last round” approach. Collaborative planning reduces battles and builds self-regulation skills.
3. Don’t make tech the bad-guy: Screens meet a real need – stimulation, calming, or social connection. Focus on developing a healthy relationship with technology, rather than criticizing or banning it entirely.
4. Offer healthy alternatives. Collaboratively invite your child to find other options, too, like movement, art, music, or quiet downtime. NOTE: you will need to get their buy-in to try something different, and that will depend on the issue you are trying to address.

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Don’t Talk with Kids about School

It’s easy to fall into the habit of making every conversation with your child about “business.” There are so many things to keep track of, conversations with teachers, assignments, and due dates. If you pay attention, you can see how all-consuming it can be to talk about the details of managing your child’s life with ADHD.

My tip: spend one afternoon (or even one hour) a week and talk about something else, like the new song a beloved musician released, the friend with a new boyfriend, the neighbor with a restored car. Connect with your child on some other level. It will model for them how to create and sustain lasting relationships, ones that aren’t simply about the business of life.

Teach Them to Fly! 

Being a parent of an emerging teen is like flying a kite. It’s a constant dance of testing and trying independence, along with competing wills and priorities. The wind, the string, the pulling, the letting go. Our kids think they know what’s best. They want to be independent, but sometimes it doesn’t quite work the way they think it will, and they plummet. 

As my eldest began high school, for example, I again found myself in the midst of that dance. 

A key coaching tip: As your children get older, start giving the rope a little more slack. When facing your child’s desire for more independence, it can be easy to force them to do things your way. But when you give them more rope to fly on their own, you allow room for them to make mistakes and find their own way. Your goal is to teach them to fly – and be ready with a strong arm (and maybe a net) to catch them if they fall. 

Stop Telling Your Child with ADHD to “Be Still”

If your child struggles with hyperactivity, movement is part of what helps to organize the brain. So when your kids stops moving, sometimes it makes it hard for them to keep thinking.

To manage this, whenever possible, allow standing or movement when it is generally expected that ADHD kids sit still or be seated. Generally speaking, if you take the pressure off of your ADHD child to “sit still” all the time, your child’s behavior will start to improve, and you’ll appreciate how simple it can be to enjoy being with your child again.

Perhaps your child can stand at the dinner table or sit in a swivel chair. Find a bouncy ball to sit on (a large exercise ball works great) during homework time, or allow your child to lie down and bounce their foot off the edge of a couch (or table – Elaine’s kid loved doing homework lying on the dining room table).

This may seem odd at first, and there are certainly some places where you cannot make that accommodation. In those instances, handheld fidgets can be enormously helpful.

Of course, there are times that you may need to still a bouncing knee that is distracting an important family conversation, but you can do that more easily, and without reaction from your child, when you are not constantly trying to harness the energy of a racehorse.

Have Patience with the Process 

Creating change can feel like taking a slow boat to a foreign country – it doesn’t happen overnight. The challenge is when we want to make changes to improve our children’s lives, we want to see results immediately! 

Sometimes We Have Instant Gratification

Of course, there are times when we see amazing growth and success right away. Maybe it’s from a diet change or a different teacher, a few coaching calls, or a new medication. Sometimes it’s stunning how quickly things can change. I’m always amazed at what a difference I see in my private clients after just their first “Discovery” session with me. The awareness and understanding they get can be nothing short of transformational. 

Most Times, It’s Just Not The Case 

But, on the whole, this whole raising-kids-and-managing-ADHD-by-conscious-parenting-thing is not a quick fix. Change takes time. And when we accept that – when we train ourselves to have patience with the process and allow our kids to learn step by step – we will be calmer, more confident parents. The irony, of course, is that calm and confident parenting will more than likely speed up the process of change! 

Using Rewards with an Anxious Child 

The Issue With Rewards

How often do we set up rewards for our kids, only to be disappointed that they haven’t reached for them or that they’re not really interested in working for them? 

Here’s one possibility: They may not be reaching or working for rewards because they are in some way scared, terrified, afraid of failure, or even afraid of their own success. (Yes, fear of success is very real! “If I do that well, then Mom will expect more from me!”) 

The Struggle Is Real 

A lot of our kids struggle with anxiety – whether it’s a co-existing diagnosis or the resulting frustration from the challenges of managing their ADHD. When anxiety rears its ugly head, it’s extra hard to get ANYTHING done! 

Get On The Same Page 

So when you’re setting up a rewards system, start by getting clear on what you are rewarding. Is it a specific outcome? Or is it possibly just a reward for trying something, regardless of the results? 

And don’t forget to include your child in the equation. Has he bought into the goal you’ve set? Are you on the same page with each other? Is there something else getting in the way, like some anxiety or confusion? 

Rewards work great for many of our kids when they make as much sense to our kids as they do to us! 

Let Someone Else Support Your Child 

Sometimes, the hardest thing for a parent is to step aside and allow someone else to be there for their child. Whether it’s a skinned knee, an emotional upset, or a classic life transition, you can’t always be there for every event when they need support – and you shouldn’t be, either. 

As much as you think you want to be the one they turn to, it actually empowers your child to learn to rely on other people. Part of the skill is in recognizing when they need help, and part of it is in learning to ask for it. We parents tend to swoop in before it’s clear that our child really needs help at all! 

So letting others support your child through life’s challenges actually fosters independence and self-reliance. 

This is true when co-parenting, as well. We moms tend to do too much and make it hard for our kids’ dads to do enough. Sometimes, we need to step back and give Dad a chance to be the parent their child needs the most. It’s difficult. It can require a lot of sitting on your hands. But it’s a gift to the entire family. 

How to Get to School on Time (For Kids Who Talk Incessantly) 

Miss Manners might have a bone to pick with me on this one, but I figured out one piece of the puzzle when it came to helping my elementary/pre-teen son get out the door and get to school – on time –  and I’ve got to share it with you. 

Not The Most Traditional Advice 

Admittedly, it was an unconventional solution. But sometimes those work best for our kids. 

So here’s my true confession: I encouraged him to eat with his mouth open. 

Okay, I know it’s controversial, and some of you may be horrified. But stick with me here. 

One characteristic of ADHD – a trait that can really wear us down – is incessant talking. Some kids are known for their constant chatter, and they think out loud through verbal processing. Whether they are telling stories or narrating their activities, their motor mouths are never idle. In his less generous moments, my husband privately referred to this lovely trait as “verbal diarrhea.” 

Whatever you call it, many kids with ADHD are chatter boxes. And if your child is one of these loquacious lads or ladies, you know how maddening it can be. 

Even worse, it can slow everything down! 

In the mornings, things tend to run on tight time frames, and with talkative kids, there may not be enough time for breakfast when their mouths are running full steam ahead. 

So when our kid was happily (thankfully) chattering away, and we wanted to keep things moving, we finally learned to give him a simple direction: Eat with your mouth open. 

Stay With Me… 

I know, I know, it’s not exactly teaching the best etiquette (though I’m willing to bet that Miss Manners never raised a child with ADHD). And in our defense, we were clear with our son about why we were making the suggestion and limited it to breakfast only. I mean, desperate times call for desperate measures, right? That early morning witching hour before school definitely qualifies as desperate times! 

But here’s my promise. If you communicate your expectations clearly – that is, make allowances for the mornings that are clearly exceptions to the rule – you can actually encourage your child to chew while talking in order to keep things moving toward the bus stop or the car… and not end up with a rude child who can’t close his mouth when eating with grandparents or — later in life — potential bosses! 

Besides, you’re finally giving a direction your kids actually want to follow. After all, how many 12-year-old boys would be unhappy or unwilling to follow the direction to talk while eating, even if the goal is to get to school on time? Who knows, the reverse psychology of it may have long-lasting benefits! 

Healthy Living for School Success 

“Vitamin M” How Exercising the Body Boosts the Brain 

So it’s time to get some schoolwork done. Maybe you’ve taken a break after a long day. Or maybe it’s the weekend, and you want to get that project out of the way. 

Any time that’s schoolwork time (or serious focus time), you can kick-start your child’s brain with what Kelly Dorfman calls Vitamin M – some good old-fashioned physical movement! 

To get your child’s brain in gear for homework, think in terms of moving large muscle groups. Playing outside (when running is involved), carrying in heavy groceries, doing wall push-ups, a few rounds on the chin-up bar, or even wheelbarrowing your child around the house are all ways to get the brain ready for work. 

You might want to try it yourself. A little brawn can actually help you, too! 

Eat (Protein For) Breakfast 

About 31 million of us skip breakfast – and 31 million of us need to break this habit! Mornings are hectic, and time is a luxury that is scarce, especially in ADHD families. But Mom was right: breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Turns out science agrees. The brain needs energy to operate effectively. If you’re not a “morning person,” consider fueling appropriately and see what changes for you! Your body needs those nutrients, too: if you go 16 hours (say, from 8 pm until lunchtime) without food, you go into starvation mode. Your metabolism shifts; you burn fewer calories and start to store fat at a higher rate. Breakfast is the only meal you should eat, even if you’re not hungry. Your body – and mind – will thank you. More than likely, so will your family. Much like our kids, hungry parents tend to be grumpy parents! 

Eat Little Bits of Protein, More Often 

Protein is an essential building block of health. There are at least two reasons why eating protein is an effective self-care tip: 

• It builds muscle. As a parent, you need all the strength you can get! It’s like the steel reinforcements in a building; you want to make sure your support structure is secure.

• It’s a long-lasting energy source. A piece of fruit may keep you going for an hour. A serving of protein can power your body and mind up to four (4) hours. 

Average diets contain enough – and, sometimes, more than enough – protein. The trick is not to eat more of it, but to eat it more often. Try starting your day with protein and eating small amounts (3 oz.) every few hours. You don’t need to be a carnivore either: nuts, eggs, legumes, quinoa, dairy, and leafy greens are all great sources. Share this tip – and, more importantly, this food – with your kids! 

School Success with Less Stress – for Complex Kids and You

For more school success tips, see our Overcome School Challenges category and our articles on Communication with Teachers and Homework Advice:

Outrageous Homework Advice for Kids with ADHD

10 Tips to Improve Communication with Your ADHD Child’s Teachers

Communicating with Teachers for School Success with ADHD

3 Tips for Parents when School is Hard for Complex Kids

How to Help with Homework: Be a Body Double

When Smart Kids Struggle with School

Standing Up for Kids Who are Falling Behind

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• “A mistake? Oh, no, I’m done. That’s it. I’m leaving the building.” Some people, sometimes, shut down because their brain perceives the mistake as a threat and something to flee quickly. (Mostly a threat to their self-image! The brain is vain.)
• “A mistake? OK, what happened, why, and what can I do differently next time?”

When we believe our intelligence is malleable – the “practice-makes-perfect” mentality – we pay more attention to our mistakes and are more likely to learn from them. After a mistake, instead of shutting down, we activate our brains and become more alert and aware in subsequent situations. We’re less likely to make the same type of mistake – and less likely to beat ourselves up for making it in the first place! As parents, we’re bound by immutable laws to be flawed. Alas, it is our fate; we’re perfectly imperfect. But how we handle mistakes we make and those our kids make — now that’s the stuff. And when we model positive reactions such as, “Whoops. I tried DIY plumbing and broke the kitchen faucet. What happened and why? And how can I shut off this geyser of water?” and teach our kids that mistakes are learning experiences (“Next time, I’ll read the instruction manual more thoroughly – or better yet, call a plumber. Live and learn.”), it can relieve some of the pressure on them – and on us – to always have to “get it right” (especially the first time). This benefits everyone in the family. Not every mistake will be a pleasant experience, but every mistake can be a learning experience. How we handle mistakes also can teach our kids something. To take it a step further, what if you assume that people (including you) generally do the best they can when they can? When looking at an experience you consider “undesirable,” what would it mean to see it as your best possible action at the time? And as a stepping stone to a different, more desirable, action in the future? This small change in perspective can help you be gentler with your family – and yourself – especially when things don’t go the way you hope. For more reading, check out the following link: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/22042726

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Instead of Getting Furious …

Do you ever get so mad at your kids, teens, or young adults that you just don’t know what to do? Or maybe (just maybe) at your spouse or partner?

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Maybe you lose it or retreat. Maybe you yell or cry. Whatever the situation, what you’re doing doesn’t feel good… for anyone!

There’s one coaching tool that can actually help immediately. It’s one that parents have told us, over the years, is one of the single most helpful tools they’ve learned. I know it sounds simple, but hey — sometimes the most effective strategies are simple. So here goes…

Get Curious

When you just don’t know what else to do, instead of getting furious, get curious. Or as one of my clients said recently — before you get injurious, get curious.

What does that mean? It means pay attention to what’s happening before the behavior. Pay attention to what you’re feeling, and what others might be feeling. Notice when someone is hungry or tired and how that might contribute to their behavior. Notice when someone is scared or angry and how that might be impacting the situation. Really notice not just what’s going on literally, but what is going on emotionally for the people involved.

Curiosity is an amazingly helpful coaching tool. It invites you to shift your focus from “What do I think about what’s happening?” to, “I wonder what’s going on with her?” It’s amazing how everything can change when you shift your focus to the person you love who happens to be driving you nuts at the moment.

So when you find yourself noticing a tendency to judge the behavior of your kids, your spouse, your colleagues — whomever — ask yourself, “What’s motivating that behavior? What might be happening to influence that kind of action?” If you’re really contemplating it, you might even wonder, “Is she OK? Does she need my help?” Curiosity is a stunningly helpful tool for helping us connect to our compassion for those we love.

I know they say curiosity killed the cat, but look at it this way: They also say that satisfaction brought it back. So whenever you get confused, or you get so mad you don’t know what to do or say, or you cannot believe how someone else is acting – get curious. It works – almost – every time.

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Not all kids in school like math. I had one kid who loved it enough to ask for Sudoku puzzles to calm her down in school, and two who wished math never existed.

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So, when your kid thinks math was created by adults to make their lives miserable, how do you handle it? What do you do when your child hates math?

First, you find out if there’s something “clinical” going on. Seriously, it’s one thing to not like math, and another to have an actual learning disability in math, and you’ll want to know which it is for your child. The school can work with you to determine if your child has dyscalculia, which is just a fancy name for a learning disability in math.

But How Do You Know If It’s Dyscalculia?

If your child really hates math, there are formal charts and scales that professionals can use to assess your child’s learning capacity for math. And you’ll definitely want to request that your child be evaluated.

And then, there’s the old, tried-and-true mama method. If a number of these warning signs ring true for you, your child might need to be evaluated for dyscalculia:

• “just not a math kid”
• starts to break down emotionally when facing math homework
• takes many times longer to do math than other subjects
• does not seem to “grasp” the math no matter how many times it’s been reviewed and retaught
• struggles with learning basic computations
• goes “blank” or freezes when you ask anything math related
• begins to shift from “not a math kid” to “hates math”

On The Plus Side

The good news is that dyscalculia is relatively easy for a school psychologist to assess, and there are strategies, accommodations, and modifications that can help your child be more successful in school.

For parents, the most important thing to help your child is to get them the support they need in math. Then make sure you balance all of that attention on their challenge area by focusing on their strengths!

Kids with learning disabilities can get discouraged when we only focus on what they’re struggling with and forget to help them see where their gifts lie.

So what do you do when your child hates math? Address it as necessary, and focus on what your child loves!

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In this interview, Jeff explains that ADHD and exercise go hand in hand – that exercise is the body’s natural anti-depressant. It improves diet, sleep, concentration, self-regulation, motivation, stress, and executive functioning!

But it’s not just physical exercise that aids in ADHD management. ADHD and mindfulness are a magical pairing, as well. Mental exercise, such as mindfulness meditation, can be powerfully helpful. So can gratitude.

Click Here to Listen in!

The key is to practice each of these things – repeatedly – which, frankly, can be boring for people with ADHD. And, of course, when it’s boring, that ultimately makes it all the more difficult to do.

But there is a simple strategy to getting into the practice of practicing, a strategy that can actually be a whole lot of fun: Create social ways to manage ADHD by practicing exercise, mindfulness, and yes, even gratitude.

These are just some of the practical strategies Jeff offers in this conversation. As Jeff says in the interview, we think about a shift of attention, but it’s also about shifting your attitude. Japanese psychology includes considering problems as urgent – and you have to deal with them right now.

If something good that happens is crowded out, this school of thought focuses on the need to practice gratitude. You need to schedule a time to sit down and literally list what you are grateful for.

You can do this with your kids. Actually, spend 30 minutes (or start slow and build up to a half hour) and begin to think about everything that happened to you and everything in your life that you’re grateful for. Then, either write it down, or say it and acknowledge it.

So if you’re curious to learn more about the connection between ADHD and exercise, ADHD and mindfulness, or ADHD and gratitude, tune into this podcast with Jeff Copper – and figure out what you might want to be paying more attention to in the future.

“How To Get Your Child To Just…!”

The Parent’s Guide To Motivating Your Complex Kid Secrets Every Parent Needs To Know

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Keep it simple.

We humans have this tendency to make things really complicated. As parents, we set complex reward systems in place and create long, detailed lists of charts and chores that we expect. On top of making things more complicated than they need to be, we also tend to get surprised when our kids (with limited executive function) have a hard time making things work.

Summer is a great time to keep it simple, to focus on one thing at a time, and to set very clear expectations, but not too many of them at once. It’s a great chance to give kids an opportunity to focus on something clearly and see some success from it. And when we keep it simple, when we expect a little less of them but expect them to do it a little better, they tend to really thrive in that, and they feel the success.

So keep it simple this summer. Try not to pile on too many tasks and chores. Let them do one thing at a time, let them feel really good about it, and then move on.

And remember: success breeds success. The beautiful thing about keeping things simple is that you can see immediate results. More often than not, our kids need a good “win” under their belt, and when we help them achieve a little success, we can build on that. They’ll be more willing to engage and try the next thing if they’ve already seen that they can be successful.

So search for little successes and ‘catch them being good’ to balance your kids’ common sense of feeling ‘wrong.’ For example,  if your child has cleared their plate to the sink but not into the dishwasher, thank them for clearing the plate before asking them to put it in the dishwasher.

And as an added bonus, when we take the time to celebrate the small victories, we begin to see the patterns in what our kids are doing well. That way, when we are looking for a solution to a challenge, we have some positive experiences to draw from, no matter how small. Focusing on successes is a way of championing your children. If you believe in them, they are more likely to believe in themselves. If you don’t – well, what’s the message they’re getting?

A Special Note to Parents with ADHD

Having to constantly keep track of stickers, check marks, or smiley faces can be tedious and time-consuming. And if we try to track too much at once, it’s a recipe for limited success and overall disappointment. For those of us who struggle with our own executive function challenges, it’s hard enough to find our keys, much less remember to check 26 listed items every night! So, look to create solutions that can be implemented quickly and easily, both inside and outside the home. Try having only 2 or 3 household rules that cover everything, and only Take Aim on one thing at a time. Keeping it Simple is a simple recipe for success.

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Increased focus and attention. Better sleep. Reduced stress, anxiety, and depression. Happier kids, and calmer parents. It can seem like a pipe dream for parents of complex children. I know I thought so, once upon a time. But we can start making these things a reality. How? You may be surprised the benefits mindfulness can have for ADHD families!

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While certainly not a fix-all for every symptom and challenge, practicing mindfulness can help lighten the load we face. With mindfulness, you might not be living the dream all day, every day – what fun would that be!? – but you will see a remarkable difference in yourself, your kids, and your family.

Starting a Mindfulness Practice

Mindfulness doesn’t need to be mystical or complex: it is simply focusing your attention on the present and increasing awareness. The big question: How? A few paths to consider:

• Meditation
• Breathing exercises
• Yoga
• Mantras

Practice Makes Mindful

It’s not the specific method that matters; it’s about finding a way to get out of your head and quiet the distractions. This will be different for everyone.

The keyword for mindfulness is “practice.” You’re not going to be able to meditate for an hour your first time. You may not be able to meditate for five minutes your first time! That’s OK. Take small steps. Literally! If you or your child can’t sit still, try a meditation walk.

I started my own mindfulness practice by making the commitment to be completely there. Not all the time – I’m only human – but in manageable chunks. I decided that each day in the shower, I would be absolutely present: I’d feel the soap on my skin, smell the shampoo, listen to the water rushing. This way, I quieted the distractions, worries, and anxieties that otherwise swirled through my head. Now that was a refreshing shower! And it provided a great lesson.

That’s what mindfulness is: letting go of all the “stuff” that can drag you down and sap your energy. It enables you to reduce stress and increase focus, to be a calmer, more responsive parent.

Helping Your Kid Practice Mindfulness

Research shows that practicing mindfulness has powerful benefits for children (especially complex ones). How can you encourage your kids to become more present and aware of themselves?

• Start with yourself. How did you teach your child to talk? By talking to and around them, all the time. It’s the same with mindfulness: you teach by example. Many parents have their own practice. If not, cultivate one. Start in the shower. Or set aside five minutes to meditate.
• Let your kids see you practice. When you have a mindfulness strategy or practice, let your kids see it. If, for instance, you feel your stress level rising, say, “Wait a second, honey. I’m going to take a deep breath and calm down because I feel myself getting upset.” Mindfulness can be as simple as taking deep breaths or waiting a few seconds before responding to a situation. Whatever you do, make sure you share it clearly with your children. 
• Involve them. Keep it simple. You could, for instance, sit quietly all together for five minutes in the morning. If bedtime is a struggle or your child has sleep difficulties, try setting aside time each evening for relaxing with soothing music. The great part is that, as your child grows, they can take these techniques and adapt them to their developmental level.

The Benefits of Mindfulness for ADHD Families

Increased mindfulness can help your kid become more aware of when they’re getting off-balance and ideally add a step before an emotional outburst. Most of our kids go from 0 to 60 in no time flat. With mindful awareness, they may get to 20 and realize, “Wait, I’m upset. I need to stop and breathe.”

When they have a clearer brain, they can tap into their executive function in a way that is not accessible when they’re completely overwhelmed and stressed. They can tap into emotional regulation and behavior management. Not at first, perhaps, but with regular practice, they’ll get there.

Remember that this is a process, not an endpoint. Try different approaches and see what works. The goal is not to develop your kid into a master yogi; it’s to help them manage their stress or emotions in a healthy way and become more aware of what’s going on around them.

Does practice make perfect? Remember, perfection doesn’t exist. Rather, practicing mindfulness creates powerful changes for the whole family – for its ADHD and non-ADHD members alike. There will remain bumps, bruises, twists, and turns along the way. But you and your kids will be much better equipped to handle them.

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Don’t Do What I Did

It’s true-confession time. There was a night years ago when I lost it with my kids. It was one of those moments – we’ve all had them – where if there’d been a video camera there like there is right now, I would have looked like some combination of Godzilla and that dragon thing that was in the Hercules movie on Disney. Here’s the thing: I know why it happened. I could even tell that it was happening while it was happening. I coach people around this every day, but it still happened. Here’s why: I was in threat mode. It had been a long day, I was completely tired, and my daughter totally pushed my buttons. When we get that way, the reality is that our brain shuts down and we only have two choices: fight or flight. Sound familiar?

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It’s actually a primal, animalistic response, like when we’re being chased by a mountain lion. It’s the same response that we need so desperately when we’re about to be in a car accident and must immediately slam on our brakes. Really, when we get like that, all the blood rushes out of our brain and down to our feet so that we can act very quickly. The reality – and the challenge – is that when we get into those moments, when the blood is in our feet and not in our brain, we don’t have access to that part of our head that says, “Wait, I don’t want to yell at my kids right now. It’ll only make things worse and I’ll regret it.” But we do it anyway, not because we want to, but because we don’t have much of a choice.

Here’s what you can do:

One: Pay attention.

Notice when the pressure starts to build. For most of us, there are warning signs if we pay attention to them. Maybe the hair stands up on the back of your neck. Maybe you get pressure in your chest or a pit in your stomach. Begin to pay attention to where it shows up in your body as you start getting into thread mode.

Two: Break the cycle – before you enter threat mode.

Before you actually get into threat mode, take a few breaths, take a sip of water, get some space, take a timeout, get back into the problem-solving part of your brain before you start parenting, before you start acting in that situation.

Three: Make it right.

Fess up to your kids that you didn’t intend to lose it. It creates a great opportunity to talk to your kids and to teach them some emotional intelligence. It’s a natural reaction and our kids need to know that when we do it, when we lose it and when they lose it, it’s normal, but that there are consequences to it, and it’s important for them to understand what it’s all about to be human.

The conversation at our house that morning went something like, “Who was that crazy woman who was running around here last night? Wasn’t that amazing? I totally lost it.” So, the next time you lose it – and I know you probably will, at least I know I probably will – don’t just regret it for the rest of the day. Try something different to break the pattern and see what happens.

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The post Video: True Confessions – I Lost It! appeared first on ImpactParents.

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Not all ADHD youth feel this way, but many certainly do. The mixture of emotions takes its toll on many young adults as they wrestle with an internal conflict: pride in finally finishing high school and overwhelming anxiety associated with going off to college in the fall to do it all over again.

There is a new wave taking hold in America that eases this conflict. Gap years are gaining momentum as a viable option for those who could use a break from the rigors of academia. It is also an opportunity for youth to mature, experience a period of self-discovery, learn valuable life skills, find a direction or calling, unwind from the stressors of the school environment, and be on their own for the first time — without having to manage yet another academic semester.

Does it sound like an easy way out? Are you concerned if your child takes a Gap Year, they will never get back to school?

In fact, students who take a Gap Year are more likely to complete college than those who go straight from high school to college. The benefits of a Gap Year are numerous:

• Young adults get the opportunity to recharge and find a purpose worthy of pursuing a degree
• They have the opportunity to string together a series of personal successes to increase their self-efficacy
• They get an extra year to mature both personally and socially
• They learn life skills necessary for success in a college setting
• They get the chance to discover their own strengths in a supportive, nurturing environment

The questions and answers below should help answer some of the bigger questions you may have about a Gap Year.

What is a gap year?

A gap year is a period of time when students take a break from formal education to travel, volunteer, study, intern, work, perform research, or any combination of these activities. A gap year can also be called an interim year, deferring college, or taking time out. Students who take a gap are also known as “gappers.”

When is the best time to take one?

Most students take a gap between the end of high school and the beginning of college. Some take time over summer vacation or even a semester off. Some take time off during college. Others go after college, but before entering graduate school or starting a career.

Does a gap year have to last a whole year?

No. A gap experience can be a single semester or a year or more.

What are the benefits?

In addition to the benefits bulleted above, a gap year can help:

• Clarify career interests and goals
• Develop organizational and life skills
• Renew passion for academic coursework and learning
• Gain a sense of maturity and self-confidence
• Discover interests and passions prior to committing to college or a job
• Broaden perspective of other cultures, views, and global awareness
• Improve job prospects with employers seeking grads with practical experience

What do US colleges say about taking a gap year?

Leading US colleges and universities, notably Harvard University, openly support a gap year for admitted first-year students. Generally speaking, higher education institutions recognize that students enter college with more maturity, self-confidence, wisdom, and experience to handle challenges as they arise by taking a productive year out. Many universities now allow accepted students to defer entrance for one year.

How does my child defer college entrance to take a gap year?

Make a formal request in writing after your child has accepted admission. Ensure the request demonstrates a well-structured plan with an outline of the goals and benefits you hope to gain during your gap year. Discuss why your child wants to defer admission, what she or he hopes to do during the semester or year off, and why your child wants to hold a place at the college. These requests are often granted, and students go on to do many exciting things.

My child wants to take one before college. Should they even apply to college first?

Even if you know ahead of time that your child may want to take a gap year, he should go through the college application process during senior year and choose a college. Your child may then be able to defer admission one year. It is best to contact the colleges’ admissions office directly to ask them if it is included in their written admissions policies.

I am concerned that if my child takes a gap year, they will be older than other students when they start college.

Nowadays, many students enroll at different ages. You will find that many other students will have taken a year out like your child.

How do I know if it’s right for my child?

Read the following scenarios and see if any apply to your child. If so, your child may be ready to truly benefit from a gap year experience.

• Not ready for college. Perhaps your child lacks self-confidence or has not clearly defined their interests/career options.
• Your child has had their fill of academics and wants to take a breather so they can arrive on campus refreshed and ready to give their best.
• Your child knows why they are going to college, but wants a competitive edge over other students. They want real life experience that builds their resume and makes them more attractive to future employers.
• Your child hasn’t been able to choose a major and doesn’t really know what they are truly passionate about.
• Your child hasn’t been accepted to the college of their choice and wants to use their gap experience to improve their application and make them more appealing to the school.

The benefits of taking a Gap Year are many and long-lasting. Gaining life experience is viewed favorably by universities and prospective employers. Young adults who have experienced a Gap Year have had the opportunity to problem-solve real life situations, leave home and gain independence, mature for another year, become more self- motivated, and have experiences that may help them have a better direction for what career or degree they want to pursue.

The options for what a Gap Year can look like are limitless. Don’t be intimidated by your child trying something different or doing something out of the ordinary. After all, we are all unique human beings and deserve to live life outside the box at times – especially for young adults with a complex relationship to learning and life.

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