Don’t call this woman pretty or beautiful lest you be called a racist. (Photo is author Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie)

I joined a book club in July. Thought it would be a good opportunity to meet other other people, including some book nerdy moms. The first meeting went well. I got along with all the ladies at my end of the table. About 23 people showed up. The organizer was really great and…organized.

I joined at the right time. Found it on meetup.com and it just so happened to be the first meeting. Score! The organizer explained the “rules” and printed out an info/rule sheet for us to follow along like a full credit course. The organizer explained that she made the first selections — three books which we were to vote on. After passing around the books, I was hoping for a certain pick –  the short book about a young child whose parents got eaten by a bear and how the youngster had to survive on her own and take care of her younger brother. It was right up my alley. Dark, disturbing and of low intellectual interest.

I even ginned up support on my side of the table, getting them to chant an abbreviated version of the title. “The Bear! The Bear! The Bear.”

The second choice must have left little impression on me because I don’t even remember the title and nobody voted for it. The third however, “Americanah” by Nigerian born author Chimamanda Ngozi Aichie, well I was secretly hoping the book wouldn’t be chosen. For one thing, it’s really long. The paperback is 588 pages. Another — it’s about race and social justice. I just wanted to read about a mom who had gotten herself eaten by a bear, just enough of a distraction to lull me asleep at night.

When it came time to vote, the anticipation became intense, like the winning game shot in an NBA game with a one point difference. All but one person had voted and it came down to tie breaker. One woman ultimately had the power to go one direction or another and she looked right at me and said, “It’s NOT going to be “THE BEAR”. I’m going to with “Americanah.”

Boo.

So, admittedly, I went into it with a less than stellar attitude. Further, when I went to check out the book at my local library, I found out someone from my book club had the book transferred from my library to theirs so I bought the book retail and committed to reading it.

“Americanah” is about a young Nigerian woman who falls in love with a charming, sweet man but leaves him, at his insistence, to attend Princeton in America. The story takes place shortly after 911 so Obinze, the boyfriend of Ifemelu, is unable to make to make it to the U.S. and gets stuck in the the UK because of added post 911 security measures.

I won’t give away spoilers about what comes of the young lovers, besides, the love story is more of an aside to the real point of the story which is that everyone Ifemelu meets in America is a racist, ignorant ethnocentric asshole. This theme remains constant throughout the book with Ifemulu giving grandiose, navel gazing speeches throughout the story line about the systemic racism, both intentional and unintentional, racing through veins of the U.S..

One particular scene describes Ifemula meeting a Nigerian friend who previously moved to the U.S.  shopping together at a clothing store. Two young saleswomen approach them but only one winds up helping them — the black saleswoman of whom they don’t know her name. When the cashier asks them who helped them, neither Ifemelu nor her friend nor the cashier can bring themselves to ask the obvious question which could quickly identify the saleswoman, “Was she black?”

So, this turns out to be an indictment on how uncomfortable Americans are about race and about how we are scared to speak of our differences in a respectful way or something. (I actually would have said it was the black woman, but that’s just me.)

Later, at an Obama fundraiser or dinner or whatever if was, Ifemelu says something to the effect that she is not black in Nigeria, she only became “black” when she moved to the U.S..

But these small annoyances are not why I quit my book club before it barely got started.

The organizer of the book club set up a Facebook page so we could discuss our progress. I had a busy four weeks. Went on a busy vacation and had to get my kids prepared for school, so I lied about how far I was into the book thinking that I could put in some late nights and finish it. Who would know, right? I told the Facebok group I was halfway finished.

Part of the reason I lied is because despite my dislike of the book and its pontification, I felt obligated. See, the ladies I was sitting with at the first book club meeting — we started to compare notes. Turns out several of them had the same taste in books as me. I mentioned a few I wanted to read and enthusiastically, one of them nominated me to bring in the next set of books. I awkwardly accepted even though the organizer specified earlier in our meeting that the chooser of books would have to attend three meetings in order to qualify for book-pick-outter of the month. It was a way to weed out the flakes from the truly committed. I felt undue pressure to finish the book. A book I would have likely moved on from had I not been in this book club. Don’t get me wrong, it’s exceptionally written and it’s not a bad book, just not my thing.

Back to the Facebook page. The organizer also takes the liberty of posting several articles and pictures of Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, the author. Adichie — a smart and attractive young women from what I’ve seen and read of her.

I decide to comment on one of the video clip linked from ted.com, to show the group I’m engaged. I say, “She’s so pretty. I’m a big fan of TED BTW.”

Crickets.

That night, I find out why.

A few chapters into my reading, I’m about halfway through, exactly where I fibbed and said I was a week earlier. In the book Ifemelu is interviewing with a potential emloyer for a Nanny position. She’s had a hard time finding work because she’s an immigrant and I guess she also wants us to believe it’s because she’s a black immigrant. The potential employer is described as wealthy white woman who apparently can’t help but exude and behave as an unintentional racist because that’s what white people do. At one point, Kimberly, the employer, points to a picture of a black model in a magazine and says something of the effect of, “Isn’t she stunning (and beautiful).”

Ifemelu was apparently offended by this comment. “Not all black women are beautiful,” Ifemelu said to Kimberly reinforcing the fact that whites feel the need to make stupid, unintentionally racist comments.

Further Kimberly talks about how Nigeria has all this great organic food (which I have no idea if they do or not) and calls the food in America “frankenfood.” So, yeah, Kimberly is major league dumb-shit.

After reading that particular excerpt it was clear why nobody commented on my comment about Chimamanda Ngozi Aichie being pretty. The last laugh was on me. Chimamanda Ngozi Aichie essentially suggested that calling her pretty was racist. How the fuck was I supposed to know that calling a black Nigerian woman pretty or beautiful is racist and why the hell is that racist?? I was paranoid and positive I was going to be held up as the example of all the unintentional racism in the world. To show up at the next book club would be surmountable as my coming in black face. I felt humiliated. I said Adichie is pretty and now everyone was gong to think I was a racist.

On top of all that, the woman who broke the tie to win “Americanah” is black and I was sure she was really going to think I was an asshole or think I was either being facetious or even worse, think I’m a racist. Ugh x 20,000.

I knew I would not be able to go and not say anything about it either. It’s simply not in my DNA to refrain from pointing out such moronic irony. And what would I say, “Look, I didn’t know. I’m really not a racist. Who knew that saying a black African woman is attractive or pretty is racist?”

That would be even worse! Everyone who says they’re not a racist is a racist, so I’m just screwed. I’m a screwed racist apparently. (But really. I’m not racist. But I never say that because a non racist doesn’t need to say that. I just might have to delete this clarification later.)

So I texted another book club member and asked her to present books in my place. She agreed and didn’t ask why.

And now I am without a book club to call home.

The post Book club fail: Why I had to quit my book club appeared first on Imperfect Parent.

Dallas messed up LBJ Expressway. Notice the lack of signage.

Just got back from a family vacay in Dallas. Why Dallas, you ask? Because I have some family there. Little did I know that the Republic of Texas’ totally messed up beyond recognition highway and frontage road system can tear families apart.

We went in August, with temperatures reaching somewhere between instant disintegration and purgatory. Given that my family and I lived through one of the coldest winters on record in the midwest coupled with one the mildest summers I can remember, the 111 degree temperature felt like a brick fired oven on my skin. And don’t let anybody try to feed you the bull about a “dry heat”. It’s actually pretty humid there.

The plans were made fairly last minute, otherwise I probably would have picked Hawaii or Paris if my pocketbook was agreeable, but alas, the kids and I wound up in Dallas to visit family.

Dallas.

I’m sure if you look up the definition it would go something like this: Insufferable inferno with the most jacked up roadway system devoid of any culture with only 4 things to do besides swim.

Now lest I sound like a complete negative jerk face who refuses to drink lemonade on a hot Texas summer day when I’ve been dealt a bunch of lemons — I did have fun. The kids had fun. It was nice to get away and the of the four things available to do in Dallas, we were more than moderately entertained, however, Dallas does have its way of challenging even the most tight knit of families. Between it’s eyebrow raising bumper stickers, the messed up roadway system and the lack of signage, it’s impossible to find yourself out of a any kind of good or bad situation. The GPS kept taking us in circles. Google maps had no idea what to do which spawned all kinds of white trash brawls and arguments among us.

I’ve been all over the U.S. and the Dallas-Fort Worth’s refusal to adopt signs bigger than a postage stamp (when they even bother to offer signage) are compelling enough to me to name it the worst city in the U.S. to get around.

Anybody want to add to the list?

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Men-O-Pause. I’m sure it’s name is fair warning to the men in our lives. Me: “Yeah, you better pause and take that shit somewhere else right now.”

Comic via NatalieDee.com.

It has its benefits though. I really won’t miss buying tampons and shoving them up my v-hole, but I also think it’s one of life’s cruel jokes that the process turns women into total c*nty-bitches while subsequently lining  the pockets of greedy ComEd (my electric company). I like it cold when I sleep. Really cold. My air conditioner runneth over.

Now if my quirks weren’t neurotic enough pre-menopause, I have sensory issues which require me to wear long sleeves to bed even when it’s 122 degrees outside. This is an expensive quirk in the summer because the air conditioning needs to be about 5 degrees cooler than it would be if I wore a wife beater and because I’m peri-MEN-O-PAUSAL I need the house about 10 degrees cooler.

Another added “benefit” of my old eggs is that I’ve become extremely paranoid about my children’s safety.

Now, you don’t need to be a psychiatrist to figure out the reason. Since I can’t have anymore children, I kinda want to keep the ones I have in good working order. I don’t want anything to happen to them and I’d like them to live longer than me because I can’t go out and buy a new one if they get ruined. This has lead to my becoming terrified to fly on a plane with them, because I can’t stop thinking if the plane went down, not only would they die a horrible death and die in fear, which would be the most horrible heartbreaking disturbing thing in the world, but I would die putting them in a statistically safe situation that went statistically improbably horribly wrong during a time which I was perimenopausal death phobic. How much would that suck? But everyone is death phobic, right? The difference between death phobic in real life and death phobic while you’re perimenopausal is that your old eggs make you death phobic on steroids.

I also suffer from sweaty palms when my kids ride roller coasters, thinking of all the ways it can go wrong in the hands of some minimum wage high school loser roller coaster attendant wanting to get outta there to have “sex is new to me” sex with his dumb high school loser girlfriend and get high or something. One error and one could fail to be safely secured and plummet to their death.

I’m also worried about my son beginning to drive and all the texting-while-driving aholes out there. And tornadoes. What if a tornado hits while my kids are at school and I can’t get to them? What if ISIS comes over here and goes all Terrible Timmy Terrorist on our asses? What if some survivalist fucker has a bad day while we’re at the mall or my neighbor’s Nigerian cleaning crew sneezes on us?

So, this is what I’ve been going through lately.

The post Perimenopause paranoia leads to some really disturbing thoughts appeared first on Imperfect Parent.

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Carla Hall partners with Country Crock to share casserole tips and tricks.

Get the scoop on how Chef Carla Hall makes a delicious casserole. Win a $50 gift card here.

Sponsored Post

The post Chef Carla Hall gets her casserole on appeared first on Imperfect Parent.

Take it from a mom who’s been through it — if the anxiety and fear of parenting failures isn’t enough to overwhelm you, looking in the mirror and realizing that your old life is but a distant memory and that your prior bohemian lifestyle is on a 18-year hiatus, one tends to want to simply give up. One thing that may bring some order to this strange new world is having the control over your eating choices and getting something back that was unjustly taken from you — your pre-baby body.

Sometimes while perusing the grocery aisles, I’ll see a mom whose sweatpants, tired eyes and tussled hair screams to me to call Stacy London and Clinton Kelly of “What Not to Wear” stat!’ Of course, we all know, it’s what’s on inside is what counts, but being healthy inside and out has the added benefit of looking good and feeling great!

In our house, Slimfast is a staple product in our refrigerator. My high-schoolers grab one while on the go and I know it’s one less meal to worry about or come up with for myself when I’m left to my own devices and meal preparations. For years, I’ve been a Slimfast fan and grateful for the convenience and effective way to help me lose weight after having children and help me maintain my weight years later.

Just because we have children doesn’t mean we don’t want to feel hot and sexy. I beg of you, don’t give up. There is a hot mom inside all of us moms, just waiting to make the other PTO moms jealous.

The moms in the following videos are far too relatable, proving that looking good and feeling great is a common goal among many of us moms. One wants to be a MILF, one wants to look great naked and one wants to show off her hot bod for her high school reunion. One common theme — they want to feel better about themselves:

(Sponsored by Slimfast)

The post Looking good post baby builds confidence appeared first on Imperfect Parent.

Rumor has it, Michelle Obama may run for President in 2016.

The First Lady appears to making a grand publicity tour and media blitz of unprecedented proportions for a First Lady in effort to kick off the first year of her husband’s second term as president. With her latest appearance being an Oscar Awards presenter, many are now wondering if First Lady Michelle Obama is being groomed for something bigger.

After all, Ms. Obama is still rather young at 49-years-old. She is a former lawyer and graduate of Princeton and her oldest daughter, Sasha, will be an adult by the time Ms. Obama would be eligible for a presidential bid, her youngest daughter will be 16.

While the FLOTUS has previously denied a run for office as recently as last year, she changed her definitive “no” to a “maybe” last Spring after an engaged and adoring media started eying her potential and seizing upon the idea. So could the new publicity tour be part of a grander campaign? As criticism and skepticism grows in light of Ms. Obama’s obvious PR campaign, calls for a Michelle Obama run for the White House in 2016 have just now started to pique interests in social networking circles.

One Michelle for President supporter with the screen name VictoriaNickers tweeted on Wednesday, “Why can’t Michelle Obama be president..she’s way cooler.”

Another supporter tweeted last week, “Michelle Obama for President!”

On the other side of the opinion aisle, Ms. Obama’s close relationship with Hollywood has drawn criticism from several conservative columnists including Jennfer Rubin from the Washignton Post who suggests Ms. Obama’s elbow rubbing with celebrities makes her look more a like tacky celebrity hanger-on than the distinguished wife of a leader of one of the most powerful nations on earth.

If Ms. Obama does run, it would also answer the question as to why President Obama continues to aggressively campaign and keep his campaign offices open across the nation. Given the popularity of Obama and his ability to separate himself from any negative consequences of economic fallout, Ms. Obama could go into the next election as a clear leader.

If Michelle does run, she will likely have a huge advantage in funding, support and preparation. Those looking for a change though, may have a tough road ahead of them if the pubic sees her as an extension of an already highly popular president.

So, what do you think? Could we, and should we, be looking towards another possible eight years of the Obama agenda after Barrack’s term ends?

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If you’re forced to get dressed up, which heel would you have worn before you had kids and which heel would be your go to after having children:

1.Dowdy Grandma shoe

For those about to not rock, at all.

2. About to retire shoe

For those considering a slow dance.

3. Postpartum shoe

I’ve only just kinda sorta given up.

4. Low Rider

It’s got a funky design.

5. A good compromise

Tell the husband we want these for Xmas.

6. Caution-wide load

Steady does it. Look mom! Heels!

7. Stay classy

Conservative, yet a teensy weensy bit daring.

8. I’ve still got it

A screw you pump at its most simplistic finest.

9. Defying physics

Bring it!

10. LOL

Ha! Motherhood has sent you off the rails.

The post What kind of high heel mom are you? appeared first on Imperfect Parent.

Livestrong message of hope and support. Photo via livestrong.org

Few things in life are as devastating as a diagnosis of cancer, but with technological advancements and advocacy organizations such as Livestrong, people are getting the best care ever and access to life changing resources.

Livestrong.org helps cancer patients and their families with emotional support, financial support, pathways to insurance for those who are uninsured or underinsured, clinical trials, fertility issues and counseling.

Livestrong has produced five videos detailing real life stories with unique circumstances which require unique solutions. Livestrong is up for the challenge. They want anybody affected by cancer who is in need of support to reach out to them for the help they need.

The first video shares Brain’s story, a baseball coach who turned his passion for playing baseball a kid into a career. After he was diagnosed with Melanoma, Livestrong helped him find critical clinical trials in effort to provide him with the most advanced medicine available.

Learn more about how LIVESTRONG can help you with clinical trials by calling toll-free at 855.220.7777 or online http://livestrong.org/Brian

In Iram’s story, he talks about how the emotional and financial toll of cancer and how it tore his family apart, ending his nine year marriage. He looked to Livestrong to regain perspective and help him through low points in his life.

Learn more about LIVESTRONG’s emotional support services toll-free at 855.220.7777 or online http://livestrong.org/Iram

Sarah’s story explains her passionate desire to want a baby after she was diagnosed with cancer. Sarah confided in Livestrong who educated her on her fertility options.

Learn more about LIVESTRONG’s fertility preservation resources toll-free at 855.220.7777 or visit http://livestrong.org/Sarah

Ana’s story is about her father’s lung cancer diagnosis and the stress she felt worrying about his prognosis. A friend suggested she reach out to Livestrong for emotional support and she’s glad that she did.

Learn more about LIVESTRONG’s emotional support services toll-free at 855.220.7777 or online http://livestrong.org/Ana

Gabriel’s story is heartbreaking. He has been dealing with acute myeloid leukemia since he was 2-years-old. Now a student and young adult, Gabriel went almost three years without a check-up because he didn’t have health insurance.  Gabriel contacted Livestrong who helped him obtain affordable insurance and apply for scholarships.

Learn how LIVESTRONG can help you if you are uninsured or underinsured toll-free at 855.220.7777 or visit http://livestrong.org/Gabriel

(Sponsored Post.)

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Also important with children who lack variety in their food choices, is to choose the healthiest, organic, non-GMO snacks like Kashi layered granola bars in “peanutty dark chocolate”, in order to make their choices count.

In the video below, an accomplished organic chef, Jonathan Justus, from a quaint little restaurant in Missouri called Justus Drugstore (a restaurant), talks about starting with the most basic concepts, pledging to use whole, farm raised meats and farm grown foods. He takes us on a journey of experiments in the various uses of texture to entice the palate.

Another great tip — composition. Interesting plates, those looking like pieces of art can further spark interest in children and influence their eating habits.

After watching the video, it gave us an idea. Make a game of introducing new foods by setting up ramekins of different healthy foods and asking the kids to explain the texture, taste, smell and where it came from and whether or not it is healthy:

The post Getting picky eaters to expand their food repertoire appeared first on Imperfect Parent.