Anima Persona

Starting Over

noreply@blogger.com (Tessa) — Fri, 31 Jul 2015 01:49:00 +0000

Okay... It's almost two years since my last entry. And the last one was not good either. Attempted several times in writing an entry or starting a new blog, but I don't have that kind of passion anymore. I've been looking for that zing in years, and I couldn't find it. You can say I have hit rock bottom with blogging, but I'm still hoping for that certain inspiration... where ideas are over flowing and writing comes easy.

The past few weeks were not easy, even until now. I've written about my failed relationship in another blog, but it was so sad I had to keep it private. Well, we tried for the second time to make it work, I was in denial that everything is going to be fine... then I'm here again, starting over.

Maybe some of my friends think that it's easier moving on from a relationship that has already undergone a break-up months ago. Or that the relationship is already doomed right from the very start. Or maybe they think it's easier because most of the time we were apart. Despite that it was most of the time LDR, despite all those things I've said, it's still very difficult. Moving on is damn difficult! BUT, I don't show it. I still go out, put on a smile, and pretend that nothing painful has happened. I don't have to be so down and unmotivated. I push myself every day when I wake up to be thankful and happy for what I have. Good thing, and thankfully, I don't cry anymore. I stopped crying after I realize that there is no need to beg for that person's attention. I do miss a lot of things, but I guess they're just memories. I know I have to move on.

I've been in and out of relationships for more than 13 years. Most of them were serious long term ones. After I end up a relationship, someone just comes. I'm not really picky with men. Most of the time, I give them a chance and see if it works out. It did, then it doesn't.

I like having someone to love and receive it in return. Nothing beats that warm feeling. I guess it turned in to an addiction. Hehe. I'm not hard to please, I just know what I want because of those experiences. I'm not perfect. I don't adjust perfectly either, but something happens in the relationship, that it becomes another part of me that I hold preciously.

I guess I'm in my most honest self when I'm in a relationship with someone. Because I don't hold back. It's either you'll love me for who I am or you don't. That's how it should be. I don't need to hide my imperfections just to give you an impression that I'm a keeper, because in the first place, I know I am. The imperfections will always be there, and you have to see who I am so you'll know who you're with. It will show no matter what in the future anyway if ever I intend to hide it, but I didn't. I give and show what I have. "No holds barred", you can call it that.

I may sound like I'm so full of myself, I'm not. The only thing I'm confident and sure about myself is that I'm a good person. I genuinely value my relationships, I don't bullsh*t anyone just to be likeable or to have more "friends". I don't need to put out impressions, because I am sure of myself. Okay, the low self-esteem may not show now, that's just one of my imperfections, but when I feel my worth, I just... shine.

My relationships are an extension of myself. I don't need to be completed by another person because no matter how I try to make myself whole, there will always be that sense of brokeness. It's because of experience, because of emotions, because of how I see myself at times. No one can mend that for me. I don't need someone to complete me. We should be different entities, working together. That's a relationship.

As for taking on another relationship. I don't know if there's still someone out there who'll find me attractive. It all starts with that really. I don't have the time and the "resources"or "means" to meet someone new. My time belongs to my work. And I think I lost my self in that last relationship. It was too much. I don't know why it was too much, but it was. So be it.

Anyway...

I have new routines. Finding new routines remind me of the very first and most painful break-up I had, that was already 7 years ago (the guy is already happily married now btw, good for him --- time flies so fast). Then I realized (through the help of a blog entry) that it wasn't worth feeling bad. I started to do some things for myself. I learned how to drive, took new classes, started another blog, even transfered to another school (since that very school was I always wanted), and I found one of the best versions of myself: confident and smart. I met two significant men (one was my recent ex), one brought out the best in me, and the other one challenged me. For the meantime, I'm taking little steps to improve myself again. Starting with my spiritual growth, and taking a short online course. Nothing to drastic. Just baby steps.

And... The shop is doing good. Some little plans are already done. Still have other things to do. Hopefully, I'd be able to settle things this year according to my plan. It's somewhat scary, that I don't know what will happen next. But I just have to push my faith a little more. I know it will be great.

noreply@blogger.com (Tessa) — Fri, 16 Aug 2013 03:22:00 +0000

How do you express something when you know you can't fully say it?

I'm hurting so bad and the person I thought who could be there for me no matter what seems to be inconsiderate and insensitive. What kind of a person is that? Who's only good to his friends and just leave me alone? Now I know what kind of person he is now. It's disappointing and frustrating! I don't want to go with the details and I think I've said enough.

Ms. Scattered Brain

noreply@blogger.com (Tessa) — Wed, 07 Aug 2013 05:12:00 +0000

For the past few days, I've been thinking about what I would really like to do. There are just a lot of things that are going in my head that I just don't know where to put my heart and effort in to.

Maybe growing up as a "scattered brain" has got a lot to do with who I am now. Honestly, I don't finish things. I am passionate but it eventually dies down when everything becomes a routine. I have a lot of things that I wanna try and do but I doubt myself if I'd be successful. When I love doing something, I put my heart and soul in to it and pretty much it goes well. But I haven't tried doing something "permanently". Everything just seem to be short term.

I want to be in fashion. Maybe learn fashion design and retail.
Get in to another business.
Work and meet people.
Get back to school.
Teach.

See? And I need action.

Feeling Better In My Own Skin

noreply@blogger.com (Tessa) — Thu, 01 Aug 2013 04:02:00 +0000

I'm slowly building up my confidence, the one that I had since my Fashion Facile days. The retail therapy that I've been doing for the past few days did help me feel better about myself. I was actually thinking that I would not look good anymore in any kind of outfit, but I proved myself wrong. Thanks to the many plus size models and bloggers out there who are just like me, finding acceptance and place in the world.

I know clothing shouldn't be the basis of confidence or self-esteem, but it did help me look at myself better. But the clothes I wear wouldn't be any good if I don't know how to carry them. It takes a lot of guts to be comfortable in my own skin knowing that people are there to criticize everything I do. It is still unusual for most people (especially here in the Philippines) to see someone like me rocking a dress that skinny girls do. Stares like "you don't have any right to be in any outfit" mostly happen to me, but I try my best to shrug it off and prove them wrong. I get both positive and negative reactions, I don't intend to horrify things, but I want to be beautiful too. But I don't wear everything. I tend to mask my flaws and accentuate what's better.

Sometimes I wanna be a plus size model or maybe start again with my fashion blog, but I don't have any resources of a good semi/pro camera, photographer or even the skills in photo editing.

I think what's good now is that I'm feeling better. That's the most important thing.

Sad Not Entirely

noreply@blogger.com (Tessa) — Mon, 22 Jul 2013 13:39:00 +0000

I've been in hiatus again even on my new movie blog. I was actually hoping that if I blog about the things I love doing the most, I'd get my creative juices back. I've noticed, for the past years I've been on and off blogging, I'm just not inspired with everything that is going on. I find it difficult to have that enough amount of push lately. It feels like the amount of passion before, died. Sorry for being so emotional... and I've always been an emotional writer. But yeah. Things suck right now.

I've mentioned a while back that I've been exercising for months and now went to a full stop. Honestly, I got bored at the last fitness gym and going back to the old one would cost me double than the latter gym I've been to. I want to go back at my old trusty gym, but can't seem to sort out my finances as of the moment.
OR MAYBE I'm just finding an excuse to skip the gym. Okay. Both my finances and inspiration are low right now.

And because I left the gym in full stop, I am now left with lazy afternoons. I feel so F'in bored, depressed, that I eat, surf, sleep my way through days. I don't know what's wrong why I feel so down for the couple of months now... and it's getting worse.

The only thing I enjoy lately is being with my parents, talking with my boyfriend at night, and watch a movie out. I need to figure things out right away! Or I might swim the ocean and turn into a whale.

Urgh!

Bum

noreply@blogger.com (Tessa) — Fri, 21 Jun 2013 07:39:00 +0000

After so much effort put in to work, I am as lazy as Juan Tamad these days, not only with the exercise regimen that I used to be so excited about, but just everything! Feeling really unmotivated. It's a love-hate relationship actually. I just love-hate the bumming.

BUT I am somewhat back to blogging with my new movie blog. Yes. Another new one. I know it's always new... but I just can't maintain a thing in this oh so impulsive self. I'm finding a thing that I can do with all my lazy time. I'm hoping for a boost and for creative juices but I just feel unmotivated. I really don't know if I had to be this "too dependent for appreciation" kind of person. Or maybe because I'm unproductive. Okay. Make that I'm just both.

I feel like I'm back in the days when life sucks life. I do get some excitement in hearing the word teaching... really, what happened? Dang I need a real job but I just don't want to. Oh the miserable wonders of Tessa.

But I love bumming out. This should be a profession. I should get a license.

Cookie Butter Donut

noreply@blogger.com (Tessa) — Thu, 09 May 2013 06:02:00 +0000

The perks of being a blogger. You just can't stop doing something if you love doing it.

After meeting up with my best friend Kharlo, I just didn't know where to go. I just want to hangout on a nice quiet place... Somewhere I can have an unlimited access to the internet and grab something sweet. But not too sweet. And I remember Go Nuts Donuts (Abreeza Ayala Mall). Good thing they now have wifi connection.

I entered the store and noticed a few people already eating their orders. One of the customers talked to the manager and shared how their new product tastes like. I resumed on looking at the available donuts. Just to make the story shorter, I somewhat was able to but* myself in the convo of being a blogger... Well just being friendly and wanted to have a lil conversation... And I end up with three donuts. Two of which I ordered and one, on the house! So happy I got to taste their newest Cookie Butter Donut.

It took me a while to grab a bite even though I'm sooo excited to do so. I just got busy sharing it over Davao Blogger's group page on facebook, on my timeline, twitter, and instagram.

And here it is!

I'm really a sweet tooth and I know my taste very well. What's amazing with this doughnut is that it isn't powerfully sweet.

It's easy on the tastebuds.

The topping is creamy and thick.

It doesn't overpower the doughnut.

It's safe to pair with a sweet drink.

Good for those sweet conscious people.

Remember that the calories are still there... But this seems to me like a guilt-free treat if you know your portion.

I love this flavor! Because I'm not in to super sweet doughnuts. This is just a must to pair with any kind of drink. Not to mention that you've treated yourself already with Speculoos Cookie Butter. Isn't that the best treat?

Because I'm impressed with this flavor, I wrote this after I've tried Cookie Butter. Definitely will recommend this to my parents who are not in to sweets.

Thoughts and A Piece of Cake

noreply@blogger.com (Tessa) — Tue, 12 Mar 2013 04:30:00 +0000

Lately, I'm obsessing on eating in coffee shops. I just like the ambiance, free wifi, and food. But what I love in this place is people watching. Most of the time I over hear them with their conversations, about work, family, school, and even legal issues.

Today, I get to reminisce my school life. I think its always school that I get to think of these days. I don't know if I actually miss it since I rarely did perform well at school. Up until now, I can't seem to point out how I graduated. I'm not that bad, but I don't perform seriously, strive or do best even.

I remember going out with some of my closest friends back when I was still in ADDU. All I get to remember is eating and hanging out with them during breaks. Though those memories hurt me. I think its because I really didn't fit in. I'm the type who's contented with a small group and never really got in to the hype of watching UAAP, gadgets, gossip, even academics. I think it was pretty loud and I prefer to tone down. And worse, the best friend whom I treated as a sister "dumped" me out of her life for a mistake that I never did. I guess college life at ADDU was painful because of that, and I never wanted to talk about it anymore with anyone (yah, except today).

I did got a chance to re-live college life as I transfer to another school. I was carrying with me a bunch of lessons, well about my love life and giving value to myself. But I separated to people even more, only gaining (again) just a few close ones. I stayed away from the loud, active group and found comfort to people who are somewhat like me. I guess the improvements I had at UM are: I felt more accepted and comfortable, I gained my self-esteem back. And... I really didn't care who I am to others.

I do have regrets, such as this big chocolate cake I'm munching on right now. But it doesn't mean I didn't enjoy it. I just have to let go of those regrets, move on, be better. That's life, right?

People and Insecurities

noreply@blogger.com (Tessa) — Tue, 12 Mar 2013 03:30:00 +0000

I don't mean to backbite or anything, this is just an observation and reflection.

Sometimes, people are driven by insecurities. Some are living with it most of their lives and some living against it, doing what they can to cover it up.

As a reflection of WHO I WAS, I was too insecure that I withdraw myself from anything that interests me (hobbies, contests, crafts). I think I deprived myself from the things that would help me grow because I was too busy comparing and putting myself down. It was such a messed up head and even a way to live life. Sometimes I think its too late to do it all over again, be who I should be. That was insecurity, letting your self-esteem hit rock bottom.

I'm not saying that I'm better than the others, but I see it plain bad.

SOME people are too busy spying on other people's lives. These people watch for what others have... well, materially. Maybe they're just unaware or in denial that they are insecure. What's bad about it I think is that they are chasing other people's lives, some even wanting more than what they can actually have. It's not only insecurities, its being materialistic too.

I can say that I'm materialistic because I compulsively buy what I want, I get what I want... but I don't envy and use other people. If ever I do want something, it is because I know what I want, what suits me best.

Oh well, there's no other cure to this but "self-cure". Who am I to intervene with their lives. Just, observing... saying.

Bum Rambles

noreply@blogger.com (Tessa) — Mon, 11 Mar 2013 04:25:00 +0000

Idle with blogging for a long time already and I can say that there are just no creative juices coming in, or even the inspiration to write something. Even if it's somewhat difficult to admit, but I'm bumming around lately. Yes, I do have a job, but I just don't feel like it is one. I know I have the choice to change how things are right now, but I'm too lazy or maybe afraid of some change.

I have so many ideas about my life but I'm not that thrilled to step out of my comfort zone. I want to study again or maybe venture another path... but I don't think its because I want it badly or that I'm passionate about it... Maybe I just want it to kill the boredom. I don't have everything (I know some people thing that I do and honestly I don't), but I can say I'm comfortable with what I have.

Well, it has always been like that. Even when I was still schooling. I'm pretty much contented of the way things are, that means I just don't go striving. Hmmm... so what do you call that? Is it a happy-go-lucky-type-of-person? Or just plain lazy?

So, what keeps me busy? Well, pretty much, just work, love life, and leisure.

And oh... I'm still thinking about another business. It's difficult to think it through, specially now adays, everything's out. Oh I just need something to do... I somewhat feel bad about myself. I think I'm going stupid not doing anything worthwhile.

Year End Post

noreply@blogger.com (Tessa) — Fri, 28 Dec 2012 14:10:00 +0000

I read a few of my entries and thought I'd drop by a lil entry before the year ends.

I can't say that I've encountered a lot of things this year since I'm pretty much always at home, work, and at the fitness gym. However, I've made a great leap with my body. I haven't lost a lot but I did get to stay active for months. Only stopping when my body is really aching or if I'm sick... It's been a challenging year for me, physically... and I plan to maintain it.

As for my love life... well, we're keeping our relationship strong despite of the distance. Communication is the key. Just any other relationship, we do have misunderstandings and it does get bumpy at some time (especially of our "similarities")... but nothing beats the sweetness in making up right after the fight. :D It gets difficult some times but you just have be faithful not only to your boyfriend but also to the kind of relationship you have.

As for my plans next year (okay, resolutions)... I just need to maintain those two things... and save money! Gosh... I only saved maybe 1/8th of the earnings I had this year. Most of my money went to gadgets, food, and movies. So I really need to plan my spending. Actually I have a lot of resolutions to list, which I already wrote down on my planner. I just have to religiously DO my plans.

Hoping for the best in the years to come! Happy holidays! :)

Update M10D17Y12

noreply@blogger.com (Tessa) — Wed, 17 Oct 2012 04:59:00 +0000

Busy? Probably. And I've been wanting to. My spare time during the afternoon now (beginning July 18), I spend it at the gym. Other time of the day, I read novels or health magazines while looking after the barbershop, and night time is when I close and clean the shop. It's boring sometimes because everything is a routine., but I get to do what I want with my health and body.

Lately, I've been replacing rice with whole wheat bread and choosing what I eat (this is my 5th day without rice). I don't eat out much anymore, like compulsive eating at fast food chains... I just started out this diet since I've been told by some of the gym instructors that I have to diet to get more out of my exercise/weight loss. I happily lost almost 8kgs in 3 months. It might be little, but at least I'm progressing.

I still think about blogging. One day, I'll be able to get back on it. There are a lot of things in my mind that I want to blog, I just don't know where and what to begin with. I miss my time spent with the Davao Bloggers, maybe I'll get back to that too.

Everything I want to do needs time. I just have to organize, prioritize what I want.

Low Monday

noreply@blogger.com (Tessa) — Mon, 13 Aug 2012 11:31:00 +0000

I've been feeling low since Friday. One reason why I'm feeling off is that I'm now (again) having those asthma attacks, that means short breathing and restless nights. Usually when I'm not in my healthy self, I leave the lights on in my comfort room, since the stained window just gives enough dim light in my room.

I'm a bit disappointed too because that means I have to skip the gym for a few more days to recover. Honestly, I've been hooked to exercising. It just feels better that I'm doing something in my vacant time, and I like the fact that I'm doing something productive.

...and maybe these are the reasons why I think too much. I think it's better to be busy, to keep my mind off from... thoughts. Actually I'm feeling more, what? Alone lately. Like I can't seem to say or share something without being what? misunderstood? or even to be just listened to. I don't need fixing, I just need to say something and be listened to. I haven't encountered that I've been this difficult to talk to... Like pila lang man unta maminaw noh?

Anyway, I don't find the time anymore to share whatever I'm undergoing with to my friends. There are problems I don't like sharing anymore. I just have to suck it up most of the time.

Anyway, I still have to rest. I'm still not fine... but I'm hoping that I will after my Doctor gave me meds to maintain for the moment. Will be back to the clinic this Wednsday. I'm really hoping that I'll be well. I just need to go back to the gym.

Weigh In

noreply@blogger.com (Tessa) — Fri, 10 Aug 2012 01:27:00 +0000

I've been keeping myself busy and preoccupied by going to the gym every afternoon. Even on weekends, I wanted to still keep on exercising, but my body needs it's rest too. I've been aiming to burn 1000calories every other day, and that's 3x a week. In other days I do my weight lifting (toning), which means shorter time at the gym, but if I'm feeling up or have more energy, I attend dance classes or sometimes yoga.

I've read and watched a lot of weight loss blogs and videos, some claiming it's easy to lose weight, some say it's quite difficult. But I have to agree that it isn't easy. There are times that you want to cut your routine short because it's either you're not emotionally okay, your body is tired, or you feel discomfort. I guess it is normal, but I push myself, and eventually I get to finish about 3 to almost 5 hours in the gym.

I know I have the stamina for physical activity, I've proven myself that when I was still in to brisk walking down town (from Illustre to Bajada, from Quirino to Bajada, from Uyanguren to Bajada). Despite my heavy build (180-200pounds), I can pretty much comfortably walk fast. I somehow want to prove to myself that I can do more.

What motivates me to keep on going with my exercise (cardio) is that I tell myself that I've been slacking my whole life and that I need to change my lifestyle. I tell myself that I don't have any reason to quit anymore because I was taking my life too easy by eating and being lazy at the same time, that I let myself be this fat.

Today is my third week, and I'll be weighing at the gym later. Even though I've been hearing compliments and feedback from family and people at work that my body is a little different, I still want to know if I did lose weight. The last time I weighed, I was still 93kilos and that was on my second week. It did left me discouraged and disappointed, so I decided not to weigh until another week. I weighed last night, but I want to confirm it at the gym. Who know's the weighing scale at home is playing tricks on me. :D

Anyway, I wanted to stay this way, active and feeling much better.

When You Just Have to Do What You Need to Do

noreply@blogger.com (Tessa) — Sun, 29 Jul 2012 06:39:00 +0000

It's been more than a week since I started a new routine. I can't say that it's been a struggle, but I can quite say that I'm enjoying myself.

I know I've been complaining how idle I am in the afternoons, even there are tons of things that I could do. Just like getting those creative juices back up to blogging, making accessories, get back to driving, continue baking or learning the piano, review my past learning on psychology ang get a masters degree, or do some socio service volunteering... A bunch of things actually! But I'm just too lazy to get myself started.

It's not the first time that I've been told that I have too many interest.. Even the fact that I just need to take one step at a time. I know I'm no super woman. I easily get frustrated too... So maybe it's time to listen to those voices.

I am now doing a daily routine at one of Davao City's top fitness gym.

Months or make that years ago, I've been wanting to lose weight by exercising, and ended up dieting instead. I was successful at losing weight but it actually bounces back. And I never get to lose a lot.

I don't plan to have a Victoria's Secret model-like features.. But just like everyone, I want to be fit. I still want to be 'voluptous' with the added fit on the side.

When I came to the gym for the first time, I didn't have any other goal but to exercise. I realize after days of coming to the gym, I wanted to lose weight. But I have to enjoy and appreciate it too. I need not to push myself in to unrealistic goals.. I just need to do some changes one step at a time.

In the mean time, I'm getting active. I still haven't carved my diet to a full blow. But I'm avoiding rice for dinner. I usually eat crackers, raisins, and cheese sometimes with milk, often with lots of water.

Well, I remind myself not to be hard to 'myself'.. Except that I have to push myself with my routines or program.

Anyway, I have to go now. I'm off to the gym. c:

Something Panda

noreply@blogger.com (Tessa) — Sat, 07 Jul 2012 09:23:00 +0000

I'm going to spill something here on my blog. I believe my boyfriend won't be able to read this YET (before the surprise) anyway... and IF he visits this blog again. :D

I have a thing for buying stuffs as a gift... but its been difficult for me lately since I'm running out of ideas. And I saw this big panda on a local teddy store. Every time I see something panda, I remember him. Will not share the whole story but he compared me to a panda during our first month. It's cute. I don't find it offending 'coz I know I'm enormous too... lol. Anyway, I bought the stuffed panda the day after I saw it, and sent it to him. It'll arrive at his place by Monday afternoon. It's kinda late coz tomorrow's our Monthsary, but I didn't expect that the money I needed would arrive this soon. Hopefully, he'll sleep with the stuffed panda *I won't get jealous* :D

Currently I'm paying a debt that's why I'm "trying" to eliminate my weekly film watching at cinemas. Even when I would love to watch Spider-Man and Abraham Lincolin: Vampire Hunter, I buy DVDs instead, watch them at home or have my father watch it (costs cheaper and I get to watch more films plus my Dad gets to be updated too :D). Watching movies on cinema is just one of my "vices" -- because I tend to spend a lot for it (aside from impulsive buying/shopping).

I also, went to Helen's today. It's a jewelry shop that my Mom and I go to. I'm Currently looking for a white gold ring. Something I can pair with my old and newly bought earrings. Guess what I found.

Taken with my Nokia Asha200

A panda ring! It's expensive though. Costs 110K Php. Can't afford it, even if I pay it with my own total salary for the whole four months of layaway. and... it DOESN'T FIT. lol.
But I was able to open another layaway. It's a simple ring and not too costly. :)

'Till next blog update ;)

Offline

noreply@blogger.com (Tessa) — Sat, 09 Jun 2012 08:46:00 +0000

I've been getting no inspiration to write whatsoever. It's been a while and I've been waiting for those creative juices to come back but heck! I just don't know what to say.

Life has been pretty much stagnant if you'll ask me. I'm mostly "working" during mornings and in early evenings. Can't say it's been much fun but the money is okay. I've been thinking about "going out" and do some harder jobs but, I'm even too lazy to move my ass out. It's one big blessing and curse. Plans have been delayed. No much "personal" (deeper) gain.

The good thing about this is that I have more time. Not to mention that I'm always with my parents. It's what I want and I know they feel exactly the same way. I get to be with my friends when I want to. And one of the best part, I can have two days off with my boyfriend every month (since he's working outside Davao City). And did I say the money is good? Well, currently I'm paying debts but I get to buy and do what I want.

But the thing is, this kind of job is boring. I don't get to meet new people or even a good interaction. I'm always in the counter, and there's lack of communication going on there. I just say "thank you" repeatedly to customers paying for a haircut. Nothing more.

I would love to have a job where I can help people. Something that concerns information. Like being a customer representative in a company (help desk) or a teacher. Despite of being an introvert, I still love to have some good interaction. It makes me feel good whenever I get to help other people.

Lately, I've been feeling low too. Somewhat feeling ugly (I know I shouldn't). Been gaining weight for more than 6 months, and I'm not doing anything about it. Talk about unmotivated.

I'm currently hooked in playing PSP games ever since I bought the console. I sold my first one to a friend, and wanted one (again) a month ago. Currently playing Gods Eater Burst, making slow progress because I find it difficult. Haven't finished my Ys Seven... hope I will one of these days (the boss is definitely hard -- and because I didn't use any walkthroughs. I tried but it was too late).

Anyway, that's about my offline life.

* I do have one plan. One life long plan.

;)

Flash of Time

noreply@blogger.com (Tessa) — Tue, 13 Mar 2012 17:44:00 +0000

Is it me? or time is over speeding?

Oh I can't believe that time flies so fast or make that in a flash. Even though I want to update most of my blogs I can't seem to do it well enough. Well, its not "pressureless" but I'm pushing myself to do better. I need to. I am always relaxed and put things later. There has been a lot of plans pending. Nakakatamad talagang umalis ng shop kasi ang init sa labas. Ang init magcommute. Or is that another excuse? hah!

I'm not sure if I'd be able to do updates this weekend since my boyfriend is coming to visit me. Yey! :D We have plans for the weekend... I just wish time could stop for us.

* Image from Google search

Blog Oh Blog

noreply@blogger.com (Tessa) — Sat, 10 Mar 2012 14:44:00 +0000

I've been away for some time in all of my blogs and it has been quite difficult for me to maintain frequent entries. I'm uninspired as of the moment to blog. I do want to make entries for each blog but I just don't know what to say. Maybe because I've been too caught up with my routines and I just don't know how to manage my time wisely. I do have a lot of spare time, which I actually just spend in sleeping to catch up for the hours unmet during the night. I guess I could squeeze in a three hour internet time during the morning where I usually just sit and stare outside the counter of the shop. While in the afternoons, I'd be able to squeeze in another activity that hopefully would give me my better confidence back.

Also, I just renewed my Fashion Facile domain yesterday, and bought a new one today! Yay!

I've always want to have a movie blog. I guess I have my share to it since I love watching movies and of course, criticizing it! I usually don't go for the popular romance movie such as Twilight, or even the over rated Harry Potter. If ever I'll watch those movies, I'd watch it for free, cable perhaps, but I doubt I'd give my time to those movies. :P

The fashion blog has been down for months with no entries. If I get to blog something, it's rather short and on a one-entry-per-month mode. I don't feel so good about myself about sharing things regarding beauty and fashion. I've been gaining weight and feeling ugly. I cannot wear clothes that are a lil "hugging" to my body because my bulges got bigger. Not to mention my belly and arms are now humongous! Okay, I'm over reacting maybe... but the thing is, I was never thin, and bigger is just not good. So yeah... I'm in a less beautifying mood.

Do I sound too busy or caught up? I just want to blog again.

* Image searched through Google

Fun Friends

noreply@blogger.com (Tessa) — Sat, 10 Mar 2012 00:25:00 +0000

I've been going out with my college friends and it's been really fun. Can't say that we've been going out a lot but if time and budget permits, we spend time together.

Warning: Heavy photos. ^___^

Our first meet up after graduation.

At Chicken Haus, Matina

This is one of our funniest and enjoyable trips we had so far...

The trip was long, the stay was short... though it was worth it!

These were taken at Villa Amparo. Some new resort at Samal Island (Feb. 22).

Going to Villa Amparo.
Joann, driving.

(L-R) Joann Zamora, me, Ivy Trinidad, Floramae Antonio, and Catherin Lusica.

This would be the most "carefree" photo of me. :D

...and because we couldn't get enough from all the photos taken during Villa Amparo,

we had our studio pic taken at Still Memories.

* Some photos are from Floramae A. and Joann Z.

Oh Sleep!

noreply@blogger.com (Tessa) — Thu, 16 Feb 2012 20:21:00 +0000

I love coffee.

...but I just don't know why it has to be so hard on me.

*Photo from farmersmarketonline.com

Books: One Day, Before Ever After, and Heart of the Matter

noreply@blogger.com (Tessa) — Tue, 14 Feb 2012 09:58:00 +0000

After the night's conversation with my boyfriend on the phone (we always talk until we get sleepy or eventually fall asleep -- which he always loses :D) , I woke up at 2:14AM. What a time to wake up on a Valentine's Day. I'm having problems with my sleep lately, and I just knew that morning that I can't get back to sleep easily. So I watched the movie One Day instead.

Photo from wordandfilm.com

I read this book for about 2 weeks. Yes. I'm not a fast reader. I read whenever I'm at the shop while attending to the counter. This is actually the most convenient time because I'm able to read smoothly. I easily get distracted by noise or even by loud chattering. I don't want to spoil the novel's content. All I can say it's a good book but it's probably not the usual love story because of how the plot of the main character's relationship.

The movie was rather fast-paced. I guess that's what you get out of a movie based on a novel. But I find Anne Hathaway and Jim Strugess quite charming together.

Photo from ronreads.com

Currently, I'm reading a book by Samantha Sotto, Before Ever After. I find it easier to read but the transition is rather short or fast. Despite it's intriguing plot, I find it easier to put down than the book One Day. I know they are from different authors, different writing styles, and experiences... but that is what I strongly feel.

Another book is waiting on my list, which is from Emily Griffin, Heart of the Matter. Because I was impressed of the movie Something Borrowed (which is based on one of her novels), I bought Heart of the Matter with the expectation that it would top or "level" my impression with Something Borrowed. I want to buy a copy of the latter but the only copy that the bookstores are currently selling are on it's "film-based" cover. I find that distracting, and prefer to have the original. So I think that might have to wait.

Photo by crushmonkey.wordpress.com

Current Routines

noreply@blogger.com (Tessa) — Sun, 12 Feb 2012 13:33:00 +0000

Busy bee. Which of course, that's just "ain't me". :D If I were busy, I would have already lost track of time. I can pretty much say that I have a lot of time in my hands, but I'm just not using it wisely. A proof of that would be, my blogs are not updated anymore, and I'm not doing what I'm suppose to do (health and study wise).

If going to school is a routine, then I have just joined what we call a "lifetime routine", work. It would really be nice to have a work that has some kind of variation because I believe it would be more interesting. And maybe, I'd be able to learn more about new things too. It's not that I don't like what I'm doing. I think a lot of people would like to be in my position (one of them btw :P). Anyway, I'm happy with my current status. A good work, more time with my parents, and not to mention being able to focus on my lovelife (yeah... all the daydreaming stuff, the "I'm so inlove" kind of thing, and the mushy msgs and calls). hehe.

I can still squeeze in some things during my day or afternoons (between 11am-6pm), but I'm just too lazy to do so since I get too drowsy in the afternoon due to my sleeping habits. But I have to get back at the shop on or before 6:30pm to do the closing, salary distribution and cleaning. I usually just sleep the afternoon off and walk around Abreeza during my free time. NOT productive at all. Hopefully, I'd be able to figure it out since I have this kind of mental list of possible to-do's: (1) hit the gym or exercise - I've been gaining a lot of weight *sigh*, (2) volunteer, (3) blog, (4) research - if in case I'll earn my masters, or (5) self study - which of course requires a lot of discipline and a decent study place. I still haven't decided yet what to do. Did I mention I'm not good in planning? Lol. I'm just too spontaneous I think.

Anyway, that's just an update of what I've been doing... or an excuse for the lapses of blog entries. :D But I do hope I get to decide what to do next.

Mobile Phones On Change

noreply@blogger.com (Tessa) — Fri, 27 Jan 2012 05:57:00 +0000

Image from perfectphones.blogspot.com

One of the most unforgettable mobile phone I ever got my hands on was the Nokia 3310. That was my very first phone back in 2000. That was the hippest during those times after 5110 and 3210 got released. It was such a joy where you can just punch in some weird number combinations and the phone does something uber "cheap" like restarting, giving out serial codes and stuff like that. Changing backlights or placing LCD wallpaper stickers were that hip, but I was too afraid that my phone might get broken from those modifications... I kept it simple by upgrading some kind of firmware, and even "hand crafting" picture messages. It was simple back then... and mobile phones now are getting all expensive and complicated.

Honestly, I'm never a fan of apple products. I just see at something too luxurious. Like, "hey! there are a bunch of phones or gadgets available in the market that can top its features...", so I neither want or need it.

I've been switching phones for a lot of times. From the low-cost phones to the hipper ones. The most expensive phone I bought was at 30kphp (Sony Ericsson C905) and the cheapest around 900php (which I can't remember what that phone was). The brand definitely doesn't matter. As long as it's cute, durable, and can meet my needs.

Now, I'm actually thinking of giving up my lovable Samsung Galaxy Pro, which I bought last July 2011. It has been useless for months now. I really love it's features but I really didn't know (before I bought it) that android phones (smart phones) suck when it comes to battery capacity. I'm a heavy texter and now caller... so I better find a phone that's qwerty, with long battery life, may or might not have wifi... It's just sad that I have to let go my Galaxy Pro since I love it so much. *sigh*

I actually have the hots for the Nokia Asha 303 and Alcatel Glam... but I think I'll go for Asha 303 since it made good reviews on the internet. Hmmm... So yeah. Off to the shop.

Eating Up Love with M. Scott Peck's The Road Less Traveled and Romantic Movies

noreply@blogger.com (Tessa) — Thu, 26 Jan 2012 14:57:00 +0000

Image from definitelyfilipino.com

I think I have mentioned countless times (real world, blogging or facebook world) that I'm really not a fan of love stories. An antagonist of all the "fairy tales" that has been going on in telenovelas and movies. Surprisingly, I am now "eating" most of the antagonistic thoughts I've been having for the past years.

I reread yesterday a part from one of my favorite books by M. Scott Peck, The Road Less Traveled. I remember why I became so ill-shaken by MOST of the romantic movies I've encountered. I never thought I was that greatly influenced by this book.

As I can recall, I read this book after one of the most heartbreaking events in my life. Ah... The book of Dr. Peck just gave me a confirmation that the feeling of being in love and loving is a mere myth. That love is not a feeling and we are just swept off from our feet by how the media portrays love. But I still agree that love is what he defines as an "effortfull choice" and that is going beyond your ego limits.

I have encountered that kind of definition around almost the last year of my relationship with M*. It was such a wonderful feeling of "falling in love" and I couldn't just help recall how we met and how it was at first. It eventually died down.

Dr. Peck said that "falling in love" is not enough in making a relationship last or work because it will eventually die down. He said that falling in love is a sex-linked erotic experience. We love our parents, and same sex friends but we do not fall in love with them. This is a total misconception that falling in love and loving is the same. ...And I have to agree that falling in love is sex-linked, and that maybe it is the work of human nature of how we choose our mate for survival (yes, the procreation part). Admit it, we mostly choose our partner by how he/she looks.

Mostly, an immature love begins from a relationship that starts with being egocentric, meaning we see our partner as an extension of who we are (yes, the "you complete me" kind of "love"). In the beginning, we see all the similarities we have with our partner and we become very happy with it. We don't see that our partner is unique... and as time goes by, we learn and get frustrated with the differences that we later discover. You begin to see what you hate, not understanding and accepting who your partner really is... Then: "I hate his friends he hates mine", "I like going out he doesn't like going out", "I hate eating out but he prefers to", all the hating, then you'll soon find out, you fell out of love.

I guess it's unavoidable that at some point we are selfish. That we want to satisfy our own wants... needs... without thinking does my partner get to grow when I'm limiting him or her of what's best for me. We rarely get to realize that. Just like the old quote that says,

...like holding a pile of sand in your hand. If you hold the sand loosely, with an open hand, the sand remains where it is. But if you hold the sand tightly in your hand and squeeze it, the sand will trickle through your fingers. You may hold onto some of it, but most will be lost. A relationship is like that. Held loosely, with respect and freedom for the other person soul, it is likely to remain intact. But if you hold too tightly, with your hand like a fist, too possessively, the love will slip away and be lost.

What am I saying?

I have to agree with M. Scott Peck, at some point. But I have learned. I'm not as possessive as I was. I've accepted the fact that my love and I needs to be apart for I don't know how long (which I never thought I could accept). Oh did I mention that I'm very happy despite of the distance?

Falling in love is way too beautiful to miss. I love the feeling. "Inexplainable"! It makes me so happy. Cloud 9 as they say. Urgh! And I've been having romantic films on my list for the past days. First, it was all love songs, now, romantic films! Geez.

Reminds me of the Bollywood film,
I hate Luv Storys.
Image from mrinkenti.wordpress.com

I made M. Scott Peck a guideline to my past relationship and how I view love. I still do by the way, but with a twist of faith and fate? hehe. I just want to be happy... which luckily, I am. You should too.

...And oh, be by books or experience... never believe everything you read or hear as 100% right. Make your own. What's the use of your experiences anyway? (yeah tell that to yourself Tes).