In Between Meals

Now Kids Involved In Drunk Driving

harneet@gmail.com (Harneet) — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 13:29:00 +0000

Adam's questions

harneet@gmail.com (Harneet) — Sun, 06 Sep 2009 13:57:00 +0000

One day, Adam sat outside the Garden of Eden shortly after eating the apple, and wondered about men and women. So looking up to the heavens he said, "Excuse me God, can I ask you a few questions?"
God replied, "Go on Adam but be quick. I have a world to create."
So Adam says, "When you created Eve, why did you make her body so curved and tender unlike mine?"
"I did that, Adam, so that you could love her."
"Oh, well then, why did you give her long, shiny, beautiful hair, and not me?"
"I did that Adam so that you could love her."
"Oh, well then, why did you make her so stupid? Certainly not so that I could love her?"
"Well, Adam no. I did that so that she could love you."

How Long Have You Been Standing Here ?

harneet@gmail.com (Harneet) — Sat, 05 Sep 2009 07:54:00 +0000

Minnesota State Law

harneet@gmail.com (Harneet) — Sun, 30 Aug 2009 14:30:00 +0000

Statue Of Liberty From Inside

harneet@gmail.com (Harneet) — Sun, 30 Aug 2009 13:00:00 +0000

Chickenosaurus – Creating dinosaurs from chickens

harneet@gmail.com (Harneet) — Sun, 30 Aug 2009 12:53:00 +0000

A Canadian palaeontologist believes that he can manipulate chicken embryos in order to create a dinosaur.

Hans Larsson, the Canada Research Chair in Macro Evolution at McGill University in Montreal, said he aims to develop dinosaur traits that disappeared millions of years ago in birds.

Mr Larsson believes that by flipping certain genetic levers during a chicken embryo’s development, he can reproduce the dinosaur anatomy, he told AFP in an interview.

Though still in its infancy, the research could eventually lead to hatching live prehistoric animals, but Mr Larsson said he has no immediate plans to create dinosaurs, for ethical and practical reasons – a dinosaur hatchery is “too large an enterprise.”

You’ve just been passed by a toaster

harneet@gmail.com (Harneet) — Sun, 30 Aug 2009 12:48:00 +0000

How To Prevent Flu

harneet@gmail.com (Harneet) — Sat, 29 Aug 2009 16:37:00 +0000

Eat right!
Make sure you get your daily dose of fruits and veggies or MonaVie.
Take your vitamins and bump up your vitamin C.
Get plenty of exercise because exercise helps build your immune system.
Walk for at least an hour a day, go for a swim, take the stairs instead of the elevator, etc.
Wash your hands often.
If you can’t wash them, keep a bottle of antibacterial stuff around.
Get lots of fresh air.
Open doors & windows whenever possible.
Try to eliminate as much stress from your life as you can.
Get plenty of rest.
Take the doctor’s approach.

Think about it…
When you go for a shot, what do they do first?
They Clean your arm with alcohol… Why?
Because Alcohol KILLS GERMS.

So.......

I walk to the liquor store. (exercise)
I put lime in my Corona ...(fruit)
Celery in my Bloody Mary (veggies)
Drink outdoors on the bar patio..(fresh air)
Tell jokes, laugh....(eliminate stress)
Then pass out. (rest)

The way I see it…
If you keep your alcohol levels up, flu can’t get you!

My friends always say,
’A shot in the glass is better than one in the ass!’

Benefits of Sauna

harneet@gmail.com (Harneet) — Fri, 28 Aug 2009 17:17:00 +0000

A sauna is a small room or house designed as a place to experience dry or wet heat sessions, or an establishment with one or more of these and auxiliary facilities. These facilities derive from the Finnish sauna. The word "sauna" is also used figuratively to describe an unusually hot or humid environment.

A sauna session can be a social affair in which the participants disrobe and sit or recline in temperatures of over 80 °C (176 °F). This induces relaxation and promotes sweating.

Saunas can be divided into two basic styles: Conventional saunas that warm the air or infrared saunas that warm objects. Infrared saunas may use various materials in their heating area such as charcoal, active carbon fibers, and other materials.

What is Web Hosting

harneet@gmail.com (Harneet) — Thu, 27 Aug 2009 17:26:00 +0000

If you want to take part in the internet as a business, information resource, directory, or as a hobbyist wanting to share data, information and knowledge with the many people and communities on the internet, you have to contain this in a central spot on the internet. You have to own a piece of space in cyberspace.

Web hosting empowers you and anyone with a computer and internet connection to own a piece of cyberspace. In your space, you can have news, bulletins, documents, data, files (your web site) and your own post office (mail server) to accept mail, all in the context of you or your business. This is your space and to get this space you either have to own a piece of the physical internet with a network connection to the internet backbone and computer(s) operating as server(s) offering access to your files and post office, for people on the internet to view your web site or send and receive email with you.

The cost of owning a direct connection to the backbone and a server dedicated to a web site and email is out of reach for the average business and especially general members of the internet. Even running a web site and mail server on your own computer when it is connected to the internet requires a lot of technical ability and knowledge. The internet itself has to be your business for either of these options to be viable.

In our modern society, for every person in business or with a career in most industries today, it is imperative to have a place in cyberspace, not just to be competitive but to survive. Best web host companies were born out of this great need to provide an environment for the masses to own a piece of cyberspace, to offer an environment where people could have their piece of cyberspace on the internet 24/7 without the great cost. web hosting companies developed a model where they could split up areas on the servers connected to the backbone and ?rent? this space, cutting the costs across many people sharing the server and backbone connection to the internet.

In a web-hosting environment, you are offered a web site to place your files, data, documents, and bulletins for people to access with their web browser and an email server for you to send and receive email messages. The web host will also provide you a means to get an address for people to get to your web site with a web browser and post email to you.

To obtain space in a web hosting environment you become a member and agree to terms and conditions of renting the space ? just as if you were to rent a house or commercial premises for your business. Once you agree and become a member, you are given an access code, a key, to your piece of cyberspace. This key, in the form of a login and password, allows you to connect to the web hosting server and up-load (transfer to) your web site so it can be accessed on the internet. Your login and password is also used to connect to a mail server to create and administer mailboxes to send and receive email for you, your staff, or family members.

Just like when you rent a house or commercial premises for your business, you have so many rooms, bathrooms, and floor space to use. In a web-hosting environment, your area is defined as disk space and network transfer.

Disk space is measured in Megabytes (MB) or Gigabytes (GB). Megabyte roughly means 1,024,000 characters and Gigabyte roughly means 1,024 Million characters. Imagine a character as one key on your key board. These amounts determine how many files, documents, or data you can have on your web site.

Network Transfer is also measured in Megabytes or gigabytes which determines how much data (how many of your files, documents or data) can be downloaded (transferred to) people accessing your web site. The more people, or the more data each person accesses on your web site the more data is transferred on the network.

The more disk space and network transfer you use the greater percentage of the web-hosting environment you are using ? therefore the higher the rent.

Just as no office building and home is the same, neither is every web-hosting environment. Some offices have stairs, others have lifts, some houses have ensuites, swimming pools, and gardens, ? and others do not. Web-hosting environments are much the same, some offer bare structures to do just the basics and others offer an array of features and facilities to help you do just about everything you could ever need or want. Some of the features and facilities likely to be offered are ranges of software to use, components, databases, and server side script processing.

The similarity of renting an office or home to renting space in a web-hosting environment is even more similar. With some buildings a gardener and/or a guard is available to look after the gardening or provide security. In a web-hosting environment, you have support people to help you do what you need to do on your web site to make it grow and there are server administrators to protect and secure your web-hosting space.

When you rent a building there are key parts needed to work or live in the space, like rooms, offices, kitchens, toilets, and bathrooms. In your web-hosting environment, you will find equally important components that are required to make the space workable. The core components in a web-hosting environment are:

Web Server

The web server is a relatively simple piece of software that accepts requests over HTTP (Hypertext Transfer Protocol) and delivers HTML pages and Image files.

FTP Server

FTP is the means of which a web master can transfer files to and from the server. To put your HTML and image files on a server you will generally use FTP to upload (transfer to) your files to the server running the web server.

Mail Server

The mail server consists of two parts POP (Post Office Protocol) and SMTP (Simple Mail Transfer Protocol). POP is where email is received into your mailbox and SMTP is what is used to send and receive email between mail servers.

Database Server

If you are using server side scripting on your web server (you use something like Microsoft Internet Information Server) then instead of providing ?static? data only on web pages you can provide data from a database allowing your users to search and view the data in different and dynamic way. Also, a Database server is used to gather data from visitors to your site; orders, feedback, discussions and the like.

Each one of the above components are software programs running on servers in the web-hosting environment. You can interact with each of these with special software programs you use on your computer. The main ones being:

Web Browser

When viewing the web you use a web browser like Internet Explorer. Many web hosting companies provide a ?Control Panel? to administer your web host account, which you use with your web browser. Most allow you to configure most aspects of your account using a simple web browser.

Web site/page editor

Today many web servers allow editing of WebPages over HTTP (hypertext transfer protocol) based on Microsoft FrontPage technology. These special editors allow you to essentially look at your web site as if you were using a web browser and edit the pages directly as you see them using WYSWIG (What you see if what you get) technology. Most web hosting environments support this, and if you are starting out, make sure it is available. One tip: make sure the web host providing this really does understand this technology ? it is the main area of which many hacks and security intrusions occur.

FTP Client

This is a very simple piece of software that allows you to view the server folders and files in your web host account as if they were files and folders on your own computer. You can then drag and drop files between you computer and your web host account.

Email Client

If you are on the internet you would already be using an email client to send and receive your email. The most common are Outlook Express, Eudora and Web based mail clients like Hotmail.

Database Administration Client

The most common databases used with web servers are Microsoft SQL Server (available only on Windows) and MySQL (commonly found on Linux and UNIX but also available on Windows). SQL Server comes with it's own administration client where you can view your databases, edit them, backup data and do all the administration functions you need. MySQL has an active online community where there is a range of administration clients available.

Choosing a web host is, again, similar to choosing a house to live in or commercial premises to do business. You need to define what it is you require: how much space you need and what features and facilities you need.

If you have been reading this article because this is new to you, then it is likely at this stage you only need minimal space and basic facilities. Once you have worked with the basic facilities you will learn more and become aware of greater facilities and features and then you can simple move from one web ?hosting environment to another ? paying more or paying less. Moving in cyberspace is much easier, faster, and more seamless than physically moving house or commercial premises.

Initially you may use the web-hosting environment offered by your ISP (internet Service provider), the company you use to connect to the internet. But remember these companies main business is connecting many thousands of people to the internet ? not managing web hosting environments. You will generally find they offer less than basic facilities and minimal space.

If you are just starting out with your first web site the first major choice you will be faced with is ?Unix? or ?Windows?. For a person just starting out on the internet, both are equally capable and will offer the facilities you need to have your place in cyberspace.

If you have a web designer or technical person to help you, you only need to consider how much space you really need. With this simple idea in mind, when you are just starting out, owning your piece of cyberspace will not cost anymore than $8 per month. Many web-hosting companies will offer what you need for as little as $3 per month (usually paid yearly).

If you are going alone and doing it all yourself you may want to consider an account with a web hosting company that offers and prides itself on it's support and customer service, 24/7 support access and the experience, knowledge and skill of it's server administrators. Remember, these are the gardeners and the guards who take care of your environment.

Web hosting is very simple and straightforward an once you obtain your space in cyberspace you will never want to let it go and you can easily move it where you want as a turtle carries it's shell on it's back. Always remember you are not stuck in the first web-hoisting environment you choose.

Web hosting isyour space in cyberspace and it is imperative to have a place in cyberspace in our modern society, just as it is to have an office to do business.

Alien pranks

harneet@gmail.com (Harneet) — Thu, 27 Aug 2009 17:03:00 +0000

Aussie Dobber

harneet@gmail.com (Harneet) — Tue, 25 Aug 2009 17:45:00 +0000

“Hello, is this the police?”

“Yes it is. How can we help you?”

“I’m calling to report my neighbour, Wazza. He hides cocaine inside his firewood!”

“Thank you very much for the call, sir. We’ll investigate right away”

The next day, police officers descend on Wazza’s house in great numbers. They search the house and then go out to the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of firewood but find no cocaine. They swear at Wazza and leave.

Then the phone rings at Wazza’s house.

“Hey, Wazz. Did the cops come?”

“Yeah!”

“Did they chop up your firewood?”

“Yep.”

“Happy Birthday, maaaaate !!!”

The Lone Ranger and Tonto

harneet@gmail.com (Harneet) — Tue, 25 Aug 2009 17:44:00 +0000

The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert. After they got their tent all set up, both men fell sound asleep.

Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says, ‘Kemo Sabe, look towards sky, what you see? ‘

‘The Lone Ranger replies, ‘I see millions of stars.’

‘What that tell you?’ asked Tonto.

The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute then says, ‘Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning. Theologically, the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What’s it tell you, Tonto?’

It tell me…’You dumber than buffalo shit.. It means someone stole the tent.

Family Horror Movie

harneet@gmail.com (Harneet) — Mon, 24 Aug 2009 18:04:00 +0000

$99 Cruise

harneet@gmail.com (Harneet) — Mon, 24 Aug 2009 18:01:00 +0000

This blonde (of course!) walks by a travel agency and notices a sign in the window, "Cruise Special -- $99!" She goes inside, lays her money on the counter and says, "I'd like the $99 cruise special, please."

The agent grabs her, drags her into the back room, ties her to a large inner tube, then drags her out the back door and downhill to the river, where he pushes her in and sends her floating.

Another blonde comes by a few minutes later, sees the sign, goes inside, lays her money on the counter, and asks for the $99 special cruise. She, too, is tied to an inner tube and sent floating down the river.

Drifting into a stronger current, she eventually catches up with the first blonde. They float side by side for a while before the first student asks, "Do they serve refreshments on this cruise?"

The second blonde replies, "They didn't last year."

Hanging Trains - Germany

harneet@gmail.com (Harneet) — Fri, 21 Aug 2009 18:39:00 +0000

Airline Announcements

harneet@gmail.com (Harneet) — Mon, 17 Aug 2009 17:53:00 +0000

United Flight Attendant announced, 'People, people we're not picking out furniture here, find a seat and get in it!

***********

On landing, the stewardess said, 'Please be sure to take all of your belongings. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have. '

***********

'There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane'

***********

An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a 'Thanks for flying our airline.' Â He said that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Â Finally everyone had gotten off except for a little old lady walking with a cane. Â

She said, 'Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?'

'Why, no, Ma'am,' said the pilot. 'What is it?'

The little old lady said, 'Did we land, or were we shot down?'

***********

As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Ronald Reagan, a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: 'Whoa, big fella, Â WHOA!'

***********

After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced, 'Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because sure as hell everything has shifted after a landing like that.'

***********

Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: Â 'We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal.'

***********

Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo , Texas on a particularly windy and bumpy day: Â During the final approach, the Captain was really having to fight it. Â After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant said, 'Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo . Â Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!'

***********

'Your seat cushions can be used for flotation; and, in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments.'

***********

'As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Â Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Â Please do not leave children or spouses......except for that gentleman over there.'

***********

Heard on Southwest Airlines just after a very hard landing in Salt Lake City . Â The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, 'That was quite a bump, and I know what y'all are thinking. Â I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendant's fault, it was the asphalt.'

***********

After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix , the attendant came on with, 'Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Capt. Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. Â And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we'll open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal.'

***********

Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: 'We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today. Â And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of US Airways.'

***********

Heard on a Southwest Airline flight - 'Ladies and gentlemen, if you wish to smoke, the smoking section on this airplane is on the wing and if you can light 'em, you can smoke 'em.'

***********

A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport . Â After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, 'Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Â Welcome to Flight Number 293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles . Â The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Â Now sit back and relax... OH, MY GOD!' Â Silence followed, and after a few minutes, the captain came back on the intercom and said, 'Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier. While I was talking to you, the flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap. Â You should see the front of my pants!'

A passenger in Coach yelled, 'That's nothing. Â You should see the back of mine!'

Kodak Moment

harneet@gmail.com (Harneet) — Wed, 12 Aug 2009 06:32:00 +0000

Portable Potty

harneet@gmail.com (Harneet) — Tue, 11 Aug 2009 02:42:00 +0000

Faithful husbands

harneet@gmail.com (Harneet) — Sat, 08 Aug 2009 17:09:00 +0000

Three guys die and go to heaven.
The first guy goes up to St. Peter, who says, "In all the years you were married, were you ever unfaithful to your wife?"
The guy thinks a moment then says, "No. No. I was always faithful to her through 55 years of marriage."
St. Peter scratches something down in a big book, then he says to the guy, "OK, mister, you can have that Rolls Royce over there to drive around here."
Now second guy goes up to St. Peter. He asks him, "In all the years you were married, were you ever unfaithful to your wife?"
This second guy takes a moment. He hems and haws a few minutes, then he says, "Well, I did flirt a little, and there was that one night with Julia. But other than that I tried to remain faithful to my wife through 40 years of marriage. I guess I just wasn't perfect, huh?"
St. Peter scratches something in his book and says, "Don't worry about it. You can have that motorbike over there to get around."
Third guy too gets the same question.
The guy blushes a bit.
"C'mon," he says. "You know I wasn't the best of husbands. I cheated on my wife three times, and then I was a terrible flirt."
"I know, I know," says St. Peter without looking up from his Big Book. He scratches something down in that book then says, "Don't worry about it. We'll let you have that bicycle over there."
A few weeks later, guys no. 2 and no. 3 were driving along when they see Rolls Royce parked outside of a bar. They stop and go inside and find guy no.1 with empty bottles all around him, his face down in his hands on the table.
Guy no. 2 asks him, "What could possibly be wrong, you got to heaven, you're driving a Rolls Royce, and everything's great."
"I saw my wife today", he replied.
Guy no. 3 says, "That's great! So, what's the problem?"
He answers, "She was on roller skates!"

The Most Biggest Flag of Swiss

harneet@gmail.com (Harneet) — Thu, 06 Aug 2009 16:53:00 +0000

It is considered as the most biggest Swiss flag in the world.

On August 1st (Saturday), was the National Day of Swiss and in such occasion, they mounted on Saentis mountain. The Flag was measured to be the 120 meters by 120 meters (14.400 m²) of Size.

Interesting ways to fix things

harneet@gmail.com (Harneet) — Tue, 04 Aug 2009 17:10:00 +0000

How To Handle Junk Mail

harneet@gmail.com (Harneet) — Sun, 02 Aug 2009 17:08:00 +0000

When you get those pre-approved letters in the mail for everything from credit cards to 2nd mortgages and junk like that, most of them come with postage paid return envelopes, right?

Well, why not get rid of some of your other junk mail and put it in these cool little envelopes! Send an ad for your local chimney cleaner to American Express. Or a pizza coupon to Citibank. If you didn’t get anything else that day, then just send them their application back! Just make sure your name isn’t on anything you send them. Heck, you can send it back empty if you want to just to keep ‘em guessing!

Let’s turn this into a chain letter! Eventually, the banks and credit card companies will begin getting all their crap back in the mail. Let’s let them know what it’s like to get junk mail, and best of all… THEY are paying for it! Twice!

Let’s help keep our postal service busy since they say e-mail is cutting into their business, and that’s why they need to increase postage again!

Cheaper Alternatives

harneet@gmail.com (Harneet) — Sun, 02 Aug 2009 17:05:00 +0000

A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles. The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him down the correct aisle. A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter.

She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?

He answers, "You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it's so much cheaper. So, I figure if I have to roll my own ... so does she.

Are You Qualified To Discuss Nuclear Power ?

harneet@gmail.com (Harneet) — Wed, 29 Jul 2009 14:43:00 +0000

A stranger was seated next to a little girl on the airplane when the stranger turned to her and said, ‘Let’s talk.. I’ve heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.’

The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to the stranger, ‘What would you like to talk about?’

’Oh, I don’t know,’ said the stranger. ‘How about nuclear power?’ and he smiles.

OK, ‘ she said. ‘That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass - . Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?’

The stranger, visibly surprised by the little girl’s intelligence, thinks about it and says, ‘Hmmm, I have no idea.....’

To which the little girl replies, ‘Do you really feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don’t know shit?