Meal full of Humor

The Nuclear Physicist

noreply@blogger.com (Harneet) — Thu, 02 Feb 2012 16:22:00 +0000

A man who had been in a mental home for some years finally seemed to have improved to the point where it was thought he might be released.

The head of the institution, in a fit of commendable caution, decided, however, to interview him first.

"Tell me," said he, "if we release you, as we are considering doing, what do you intend to do with your life?'

The inmate said, "It would be wonderful to get back to real life and if I do, I will certainly refrain from making my former mistake. I was a nuclear physicist, you know, and it was the stress of my work in weapons research that helped put me here. If I am released, I shall confine myself to work in pure theory, where I trust the situation will be less difficult and stressful."

"Marvelous," said the head of the institution.

"Or else," ruminated the inmate. "I might teach. There is something to be said for spending one's life in bringing up a new generation of scientists."

"Absolutely," said the head.

"Then again, I might write. There is considerable need for books on science for the general public. Or I might even write a novel based on my experiences in this fine institution."

"An interesting possibility," said the head.

"And finally, if none of these things appeals to me, I can always continue to be a teakettle."

Eat It With Mom's Logic

noreply@blogger.com (Harneet) — Thu, 02 Feb 2012 14:24:00 +0000

Just Ignore Them, You're Mom Is EPIC!

noreply@blogger.com (Harneet) — Fri, 27 Jan 2012 07:51:00 +0000

Do not argue with the ladies

noreply@blogger.com (Harneet) — Wed, 25 Jan 2012 07:48:00 +0000

A woman and her ten-year-old son were riding in a taxi in Montreal.

It was raining and all the prositutes were standing under the awnings.

"Mom" said the boy "What are all those women doing?"

"They are waiting for their husbands to get off the work" she replied.

The taxi driver turns around and says "Geez lady, why don't you tell him the truth? They are hookers, boy! The have sex with men for money."

The little boy's eyes gets wide and says "Is that true Mom?"

His mother, glaring hard at the driver, answers in the affirmative.

After few minutes, the kid asks "Mom, what happens to the babies those women have?"

"Most of them become taxi drivers" she said.

I am sure that the taxi driver learnt a lesson that it pays to keep your mouth shut in some situations.

15 Not-So-Important Facts About Sex

noreply@blogger.com (Harneet) — Mon, 23 Jan 2012 07:14:00 +0000

Dirty Talk at Work

noreply@blogger.com (Harneet) — Thu, 19 Jan 2012 05:24:00 +0000

It is best to watch what you say in the workplace. However, if you find yourself saying any of these phrases, not to worry. They may sound risque, but in fact they're only...

Things That Sound Dirty at Work But Really Aren't:

10. "I need to whip it out by 5."

9. "Mind if I use your laptop?"

8. "Put it in my box before I leave."

7. "If I have to lick one more, I'll gag!"

6. "I want it on my desk NOW!"

5. "HMMMM... I think it's out of fluid."

4. "My equipment is so old it takes forever to finish."

3. "It's an entry-level position."

2. "When do you think you'll be getting off today?"

1. "It's not fair! I do all the work while he just sits there!"

When My Boss Talks

noreply@blogger.com (Harneet) — Wed, 18 Jan 2012 12:10:00 +0000

Best PhotoBomb Ever

noreply@blogger.com (Harneet) — Wed, 18 Jan 2012 06:06:00 +0000

Parking Lot Rules

noreply@blogger.com (Harneet) — Wed, 18 Jan 2012 05:23:00 +0000

Parking lots have rules. I'll bet you didn't know that! Neither did we until we came across these Parking Lot Rules:

Rule #1 - When waiting for a parking spot, stop in the middle of the road, don't signal, and orient your car diagonally to prevent others from passing.

Rule #2 - Always park on the lines, taking up as many spots as possible. Diagonal parking is preferred.

Rule #3 - In a crowded parking lot, if you find a spot and have the opportunity to pull through to an adjacent one, drive up half way and stop on the line, taking both.

Rule #4 - As you pull into a spot, if you see that the space ahead of you is empty and you see another driver signaling to take it, pull though and take it from him.

Rule #5 - Always park close enough to the adjacent car so that the other driver must grease up with Vaseline to squeeze into his or her car.

Rule #6 - When driving through the parking lot, ignore the painted lanes and drive diagonally from one end to another at a high rate of speed.

Rule #7 - When stopped in front of a store and waiting for a friend or relative to make a purchase, make sure that you are stopped in the middle of the road. The same rules applies to picking-up and discharging passengers.

Rule #8 - When a vehicle from the opposite direction is signaling and waiting for a parking space, position your car so that you are in his way and let the car behind you take it.

Rule #9 - If you have Handicap license plates and there are empty spaces up front, use up a regular parking spot.

Rule #10 - If you hit the adjacent car with your door and leave a dent, wait for a car, which is painted the same color as yours, to drive down the aisle looking for a place to park. Then back out, giving up your spot like the good guy you are, and park somewhere else.

Rule #11 - When exiting a shopping center into a busy road, exit through the narrow "ENTER ONLY" driveway, stick the nose of the car into traffic, and wait.

Rule #12 - Always leave your shopping cart tightly between parked vehicles.

Rule #13 - Gather up all the coffee cups, fast food wrappers and other bits of trash from your car and leave them in the shopping center parking lot before you leave. Think of it as you helping out in these economic hard times by making sure the parking lot sweeper keeps his job.

Rule #14 - If you are forced to change an infant's diaper in a parking lot, leave the soiled diaper under the wheel of the car next to you.

Rule #15 - When another vehicle is waiting for you to pull out of a spot in a crowded parking lot, take your time. Adjust the mirrors, your seat, and the radio. Roll down your window, breathe in the air and eat your lunch. Feel free to go through your shopping bags and look at what you just bought.

Rule #16 - When walking back to your car in a busy shopping center, gesture to other drivers waiting for a spot to make them think that you are getting in the car and leaving. Then walk between the cars to the next aisle and do it again.

Rule #17 - When shopping at the mall, which requires you to load your bags into the car and go back in to do more shopping, do NOT tell the driver who is sitting patiently watching you load your car and signaling for your spot.

Rule #18 - When walking back to your car, if you notice other shoppers walking past your car to get to theirs, press the buttons on your key chain remote so that your car's alarm makes a sudden loud "BLOOP BLEEP" that scares the life out of them.

Rule #19 - If you don't see a speed limit sign posted in the malls parking lot, there isn't any!

Rule #20 - If you back into a parked car, and the driver isn't with it, take out a piece of paper & start writing. This is especially effective if there are 15-20 witnesses. On a piece of paper write, "There were witnesses when I hit your car. They think I'm writing my name address, phone #, insurance information, etc., on this paper. But I'm not!"

Like This Post

noreply@blogger.com (Harneet) — Fri, 13 Jan 2012 03:48:00 +0000

Firefox has encountered some problems…

noreply@blogger.com (Harneet) — Thu, 12 Jan 2012 17:43:00 +0000

So They Do Have A Purpose..

noreply@blogger.com (Harneet) — Thu, 12 Jan 2012 15:42:00 +0000

You're Not A Very Good Doctor...

noreply@blogger.com (Harneet) — Thu, 12 Jan 2012 15:40:00 +0000

Size - It Does Matter!

noreply@blogger.com (Harneet) — Mon, 09 Jan 2012 13:38:00 +0000

Not Quite The Robert Redford Technique

noreply@blogger.com (Harneet) — Mon, 09 Jan 2012 13:28:00 +0000

The train was travelling along when a beautiful young woman entered the compartment which was deserted except for a businessman reading his paper. The man peered over his paper and asked "Would you let me kiss you for fifty pence?"

"Certainly not!" exclaimed the young woman, and the businessman returned to his paper.

A short while later he looked across again and said "Would you let me kiss you for a thousand pounds?"

After a brief pause, the woman replied "yes, I suppose I would." Again the man returned to his newspaper.

A few minutes later the man asked "Would you let me kiss you for five pounds?"

"Certainly not!" replied the young woman, getting angry now "What kind of girl do you take me for?"

"We've already established that" replied the man, "We're just haggling over the price!"

Identical Twins

noreply@blogger.com (Harneet) — Mon, 02 Jan 2012 13:57:00 +0000

A unique way to shut someone up

noreply@blogger.com (Harneet) — Mon, 02 Jan 2012 09:53:00 +0000

Dear Mom And Dad...

noreply@blogger.com (Harneet) — Mon, 02 Jan 2012 07:02:00 +0000

Blue Balls - No Longer Only Hurting Men

noreply@blogger.com (Harneet) — Mon, 02 Jan 2012 06:52:00 +0000

Funny Wine Gadgets - Part 4

noreply@blogger.com (Harneet) — Sat, 31 Dec 2011 05:15:00 +0000

I Think I'm Pregnant..

noreply@blogger.com (Harneet) — Thu, 29 Dec 2011 18:26:00 +0000

Dad! We Have The Same Phone...

noreply@blogger.com (Harneet) — Thu, 29 Dec 2011 17:24:00 +0000

So wrong, but so getting posted

noreply@blogger.com (Harneet) — Thu, 29 Dec 2011 17:12:00 +0000

Funny Wine Gadgets - Part 3

noreply@blogger.com (Harneet) — Thu, 29 Dec 2011 17:11:00 +0000

That Sexy Stare!

noreply@blogger.com (Harneet) — Thu, 29 Dec 2011 16:24:00 +0000