Wailing at the violence inherent in the (patriarchal) system, Senator Miriam Defensor-Santiago called on the Commission on Elections as well as on other women candidates to take “affirmative action” and  educate voters on the existence, and use, of hyphenated surnames*.

Huzzah for women’s rights and all that, but could it be possible that people have gotten tired of her antics? Granted, nobody can strike fear in the heart of corruption (or anyone) better than Sen. Defensor-Santiago, but after the thousandth time, awe of her well-enunciated tirades and dramatic walkouts sort of fades.

Walkout Number 735

In its place, a creeping suspicion that all this is in favor of political opportunism. After all, if you want to split straws, the ‘Defensor’ in ‘Defensor-Santiago’ is the same ‘Defensor’ as Quezon City’s favorite sons Matias and Mike Defensor, all, all honorable men.

Just before Number 872

One would think that if Sen. Defensor-Santiago hated corruption so much (she does) it drives her mad (uh…), then these two guys would, at the very least, have ruptured eardrums from the rants and lectures she gives them at family reunions.

Since both are apparently hale and hearty, then maybe Sen. Defensor-Santiago isn’t that serious about things. Being a guest candidate of parties associated with corruption doesn’t really help, either.

Also, when you keep walking out and coming back, it tends to look like you’re just looking for an excuse to go home early especially when you’re openly suffering from Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.

–

Given how Filipinos have only recently gotten the hang of quotation marks and other marks of punctuation, expect a plague of extraneous hyphens and dashes soon.

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Listen, Greenpeace, we know that saving the Earth is important. But surely you can send that message without resorting to the environmentalist version of  ”or face the wrath of God.”

I’m just saying.

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Thanks a lot, Angel!

To no avail, it turns out, judging from his twitter stream.

Consider this gem, for example:

“Meowww,” he says in rough and rudimentary translation, “you’re a cool cat, my friend. It’s great that you’re making your presence felt. Where are you heading with Bubbz and Chito? Somewhere cool? Is it a cool party? Like somewhere super fun?”

To the untrained observer, the message seems like a typical twitter, uh, tweet. But that’s because your untrained observer didn’t spend his formative years in an all-male high school thinking up clever things to say to indifferent (and often non-existent) girls.

Underneath it all, what he’s saying is this:

“It’s great that you finally have time for us to communicate over twitter. I’m hoping that by mentioning that you’re going out with Bubbz and Chito, I can wrangle an invitation to come along.”

The “meowww,” though, well, that’s pretty much what he meant to say. Which, of course begs the question why would someone who is not a. a cat or b. a coquettish young woman go ‘meow’? Probably because he thought Angel would find it cute.

Judging from the next few tweets, neither subtle hint nor attempt at being cute worked. And really, things should not have to be this way for Mr. Penaflorida. He’s an Internet celebrity, for god’s sake! He’s done more for this country than I ever have, or will ever be able to barring a zombie infestation of some sort!

By all rights, women should be breaking down his door for bragging rights to having done it with a hero. I mean, everybody loves a hero, right?

Just look at what happened to action star/douche bag/Angel Locsin’s ex Richard Guttierrez who rescued co-star Cristine Reyes from Marikina floodwaters in true action-star fashion.

He got the girl, and was briefly in a news report that didn’t involve him filing a case in court or being the respondent in a court case.

The hero always gets the girl. That’s like a law of nature. Except, I guess, in the Philippines, where we prefer people who play heroes on TV to people who actually, you know, get shit done.

Thanks a lot, Angel!

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Perhaps to cover his ass from the righteous indignation of environmentalists, provincial board member Alfonso Bince clarifies that “what we approved was basically an expression of our sense of willingness to host [the nuclear power plants], subject, however, to certain conditions.” So…

So...

Meanwhile, board member Raul Sison explained his negative vote thus:

We should have been given enough time to study it. Because for me, when I hear the word ‘nuclear power plant’ I imagine it to be like an atomic bomb that will destroy all living things around us.

1951

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Aquino, while challenging Nacionalista presidential candidate Sen. Manuel Villar Jr to debate on policies and platforms, reportedly said that “our countrymen, who need to be educated, probably lose their concentration or attention in long winded debates.” In reference to preferring to go on a shorter one-on-one debate with Villar, no doubt.

Suplico will have none of it, though, and takes up the cudgels for the poor maligned Filipino:

“Sen. Noynoy Aquino thought that Filipinos have short concentration or attention spans. It is for this reason that he is asking for a one-on-one debate with Sen. Manny Villar. I think that Senator Aquino does not know the Filipino people that well.”

The situation opens up some interesting questions about the decidedly elite-versus-the-masses orientation of the 2010 elections. After all, Aquino’s statement is certainly—oh, a puppy!!!

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I say, I say, I say...

The Bureau of Fire Protection gives this friendly reminder just before Fire Prevention Month: campaign materials could catch on fire.

Watch out for Manila Water’s June information drive with the theme “Water can cause wetness.”

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Don’t get me wrong, Nacionalista senate candidate Atty. Adel Tamano is probably one of the sharper tools in the NP shed. He was able to do great things as president of the Pamantasan ng Lungsod ng Maynila, and he’s smart enough to be Vicki Belo’s lawyer-slash-model.

When he resorts to bland motherhood statements, though, it’s not that hard to imagine him as some sort of aristocrat who lives in his own world and spends afternoons saying things like “It’s a pity we lost India.”

pity...

In a recent press release, Tamano urged the government to give out condoms, which is pretty commendable. After all, he says, “We don’t want to become like African countries with epidemics.” While we can’t tell from the text, we like to imagine that this was accompanied by a snooty sniff, and delivered with more disdain than absolutely necessary.

I know, right?

He argues that combating HIV/AIDS is one of the Millennium Development Goals that the government has pledged to achieve, and he’s right. I mean, HIV/AIDS is a pretty scary thing, and it really is time that government did something about how it’s spreading.

But Tamano promptly goes back to his dream world when he warns, “The Philippines will be the laughing stock if we fail by 2015.” Let’s hope that day never comes. I would hate for this country to be a laughingstock. And, you know, be like those Africans with their epidemics and stuff.

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Come on now. Just like that!

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Here’s a novel way to solve Manila’s parking problem (somehow): don’t let people without parking spaces at home buy cars.

Alliance for Rural Concerns Rep. Narciso Santiago III wants the Land Transportation Office to refuse to register cars whose owners do not have “a proof of permanent parking space for his automobile.”

“People should be disciplined enough to be able to furnish their vehicles with the appropriate parking space inside their own lots,” Santiago says.

I,uh…

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Reading a tweet about Sen. Manny Villar and his security convoy going the wrong way down a one-way street yesterday made me realize something.

Senator Manuel Villar Jr is the president we deserve.  Not the one we need, just what we deserve because if you really think about it, Manny Villar is us.

He Was Born Poor

Think about it. He was born in poverty, just like all the rest of us. Maybe you weren’t born poor, maybe you grew up in a stately manor, but guess what? There’s enough poverty to go around, so it sort of averages out. You were born in poverty too, by the sheer ubiquitousness of poverty in the Philippines.

Tunay na Mahirap

He won’t let you forget it, either. His very response to the allegations against him is this: napakahirap bang isipin na ang isang mahirap ay puwedeng maging presidente sa Pilipinas (is it that hard to accept that someone poor can become president of the Philippines?) It’s pretty much the whole idea behind his campaign, the very raison d’etre of one Manny Villar.

He’s Just Another Victim

When caught, he plays the victim (of inconsiderately placed one-way streets, say,) and insists on his innocence. He’s not guilty, he’s just being persecuted, a mentality that everyone from your illegal sidewalk vendor to Marlene Aguilar has.

He refuses to face the charges against him, and instead talks to everyone about how unjust and rigged everything is. To everyone except his accusers, at any rate.

His supporters say that it’s all political, and people are just talking crap because they’re jealous of him. And, really, this line of reasoning isn’t all that foreign to us. We’ve probably used it too at some point. Maybe not about million-peso road projects, but it’s the principle of the thing.

Principle, you say?

He Throws Money At Problems

Failing that, he (allegedly) tried to bribe Senate President Juan Ponce Enrile to go easy on him, and if anonymous text messages can be trusted (they cannot), he’s offered everything from millions of pesos to cabinet positions to his underlings.

Which, if you think about it, is exactly what a lot of us would do in that situation. True, your average Filipino will probably never have to (nor have the money to) bribe Senate President Enrile, but would think nothing of losing 100 pesos to your friendly neighborhood MMDA traffic cop to get out of trouble.

Flagging ratings because a former president dies, and then suddenly here comes a new challenger? No problem. Just flood everything with campaign ads. If the latest Pulse Asia survey is to be believed, that strategy seems to have worked: Villar has overtaken the Liberal Party’s Senator Benigno Aquino III by one percentage point. Statistically irrelevant (perhaps), but it shows that no matter how many times Mareng Winnie Monsod explains (and refutes Villar’s defenders on ) the C5 issue, Villar isn’t slowing down at all.

Which means that for all the voter education campaigns, debates and an 84-page Senate report on the C5 issue, more Filipinos might still vote for this guy because he was born poor, so he’s noble; he’s already rich so he won’t steal;because, if you don’t vote for him, fuck you, bias ka.

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